Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, CBS, the Sullivan Company and to A&E.

A Path Through the Dark

Chapter 27

Michaela awoke suddenly and tried to sit up but there was a weight on her stomach. She was disoriented, her mouth dry. Slowly, she reached down and touched warm flesh as the memories of the night before came pouring back. It was Sully. His head was laying against her side where he had fallen asleep curled up like a child.

The noise that woke her sounded again and she realized that it was the baby monitor on her bedside table. She tried to free herself without waking Sully but he stirred anyway.

"Chaela?"

"Sh, Hannah's crying." Sully made to sit up but Michaela put a comforting hand against his back. "I'll tend to Hannah. Go back to sleep."

"Are you sure?" His eyes were not open and his voice groggy.

"I'm sure," she said with a smile.

Suly moved up to lay his head on the pillow laid as Michaela reached over him to pick up the baby monitor. She was still fully dressed from the night before so she stood and hurried to the door as Hannah's crying became more incessant.

After tossing the baby monitor on the bed, she went right to the crib. Hannah looked up at her and cried again but stopped when Michaela picked her up. When the baby was crying instinct had taken over but now Michaela felt panicky. Was this a diaper change? A bottle? Just wanting to be held?

Michaela walked to the changing table and laid Hannah down. "Ok," she said. Hannah looked up at her with wide eyes and yawned. Michaela smiled and relaxed. There was no audience except Hannah and she would be forgiving.

It turned out that the baby was in need of a diaper change. Michaela easily accomplished that and then picked up Hannah to head to the kitchen. Michaela didn't know her nighttime feeding schedule but the baby wouldn't eat if she wasn't hungry, she reasoned.

It did not take her long, to fix and heat a bottle all while juggling the baby. Michaela felt a sense of pride as she headed back into the family room. The stars were shining brightly in the winter sky and she decided to sit here instead of heading back upstairs. Hannah nuzzled against her as Michaela settled the baby into the crook of her arm and brought the bottle to the baby's mouth. With eyes still focused on Michaela, Hannah suckled at the bottle and reached her hand up to curl it around Michaela's finger. Michaela felt her heart swell and then she laughed out loud at herself. This was a normal reflex and she was becoming all emotional over it. Still it felt nice and she relaxed into the chair while Hannah ate.

Michaela breathed in deeply and exhaled slowly, trying to clear her mind. Sully shared so much the previous night. Curled up on the end of her bed, he let her into his life, unraveling his story bit by bit. Michaela couldn't imagine the trauma of coming home from school and being unable to wake your mother. The pain in his eyes was her complete undoing when he said that he could never understand why he wasn't enough for his mother to choose to live. Eight different foster care homes in three years. It was no wonder he acted out.

Michaela thought of her own awkward adolescence where her biggest worries were so small compared to Sully's life around the same time. He filled in the gaps in Snowbird's story of how he came to live here and eventually heal. Was this what Will wanted her to know? Did he think that this would make Michaela shy away from a relationship with Sully?

Or was it his suicide attempt after Abby died? Certainly Will, being a psychiatrist, wouldn't stigmatize mental illness. Michaela had never been suicidal but she could imagine how easy it would be to let herself go there. Sully did not want to be alone again. After hearing his story, she could understand that fear.

A noise startled Michaela and she turned to see Cloud Dancing. He held up his hands defensively. "Sorry. I didn't know anyone else was awake."

"Hannah decided we needed to be."

Cloud Dancing nodded. "Sully too?"

"No, just me." She paused indecisively uncertain what to share about Sully's absence. "I wanted Sully to sleep. It was quite the emotional night." She didn't bother to add that he was asleep in her bed where she had held him against her until he'd fallen asleep

Cloud Dancing nodded but said nothing about this. "Do you mind if I join you?" Cloud Dancing motioned to the armchair nearby as he spoke.

"Of course not," Michaela replied.

They sat quietly for a few minutes, the only sound Hannah suckling. It was Cloud Dancing who broke the silence. "He didn't tell Abby about his childhood until they'd been together for almost a year." Michaela wasn't sure how to take this and so she remained quiet. Cloud Dancing brought his fingertips together, studying Michaela overtop of them. "His recent suicide attempt is not really egnimatic of his coping skills. Did he tell you much about it?"

"Not really," Michaela replied. She took the bottle from Hannah and placed her against her shoulder and began to pat her back gently.

"Snowbird and I weren't here. I was at a cancer center in Mexico for treatment. When we got the word about Abby, we made arrangements to come back right away. Sully was not good and I knew it. He called me when he realized what he'd done." Cloud Dancing looked away and Michaela busied herself with Hannah, settling her back down for the remainder of her bottle unsure what to say. "He kept saying that he didn't want to leave Hannah like his mother had left him."

Michaela felt the dampness on her cheek but ignored it. "He told me that she was what kept him alive."

"I wasn't sure what Will had told you. I wanted you to know that he chose life."

Hannah was fully asleep now and Michaela put the bottle down. Cloud Dancing watched her with a little smile on his face. "Can I ask you something?" Michaela ventured.

"Of course."

Sucking in sharply, Michaela began, "You've worked with Will before, right?"

"Yes. He has even spent time here with patients in the past. Will is a good doctor."

"I don't deny that but something is bothering me."

"Michaela, he's not being professional. This has become personal." Michaela frowned. "It's a terrible thing about us male doctors. We have quite an ego."

That made Michaela laugh. "So do female doctors," she added.

Cloud Dancing nodded with amusement in his face. "Yes but the male ego works a bit differently. Will's ego can't understand why someone as educated as you would prefer Sully to him. Doctors always think they know what is best for their patients."

Michaela shook her head. "I'm not really his patient."

Cloud Dancing pursed his lips. "No you're not," he agreed as he continued to study her. "Can I ask you something now?"

"Of course."

"Why did you decide to end your relationship with David?" Michaela did not answer right away. "You can tell me it's none of my business," Cloud Dancing added as he considered her.

"Did you ever just hold onto something because it was familiar?" Cloud Dancing nodded. "Our relationship was over a while ago but I kept holding on. I might still be holding on if Sully hadn't kissed me."

Cloud Dancing raised an eyebrow at her but Michaela ignored it. "Maybe not," she said hastily. "I think I've been unhappy with several things in my life. Sometimes you can have so much power but feel powerless." She didn't know why she was telling Cloud Dancing all of this but he was so easy to talk to that she continued. "I'm not sure I want to be Chief of Surgery anymore."

Cloud Dancing seemed less surprised by this than he did by her kiss comment. "What do you want to do?"

"I'm not sure. I want to work with patients again - not hospital bureaucracy."

"Sounds like you do know what you want." Cloud Dancing's eyes were bright in the darkness.

Michaela put her head down. "Maybe I do." She rubbed Hannah's back and breathed in the scent of her. "Tell me about this place."

Cloud Dancing relaxed back in the chair. "I trace my lineage back to a long line of Cheyenne medicine men."

"Cheyenne? Colorado was originally Cheyenne territory, wasn't it?"

"It was," he said a note of surprise in his voice. "Of course the Cheyenne land is now in Montana and Oklahoma. My father told me that my great grandfather wanted nothing more than to come back to Colorado. He worked hard to go to medical school. They say every dollar he made went into savings until he was able to buy this land."

"This area is gorgeous. And this house…"

"The house didn't come along until my father. My grandfather and my father were also doctors but my grandfather chose to go back to the reservation in Montana while he was younger. He wanted to give back to the tribe and to find ways to weave the knowledge of medicine. He wanted a more holistic approach to health." Cloud Dancing smiled out into the night. "This place was born out of that desire to marry physical health with the mental, emotional and spiritual. Most of our clients are wealthy." He turned now to look at Michaela. "I want you to understand why."

"Ok," she whispered, feeling like she was being let in on a big secret.

"We use the money from here to run clinics on the reservation, to fund scholarships, to bring hope to our people."

"Snowbird is Cheyenne too?" Cloud Dancing nodded. "How often do you go to the reservation?"

"I haven't been in a year because of the cancer treatments but now that I am in remission, I would like to go as soon as possible."

"Could you use an extra doctor?"

Cloud Dancing smiled at her. "Would you like to come?" Michaela nodded. Cloud Dancing looked pleased. "I would love to take you to the reservation. My dream is being able to do some surgical clinics at some point in the future."

"We could do that. A whole team from the hospital - that would be amazing." Michaela's mind was already swirling with ideas. This was what she needed- chances to be useful to those who really needed her help.

"Maybe later today I could show you some of my plans. I'd like your opinion on what would be possible."

"I would really like that," Michaela said. They settled back into the pleasant quite, both peering out into the night sky.

"You really should get some more rest. Can I take Hannah?"

"No she's sound asleep. I'm going to lay her back down."

Cloud Dancing nodded. "Well if she wakes just bring her down to me."

Michaela stood. "Thanks," she said. "Night."

"Night."

Michaela stopped at the top of the incline and pulled out her water bottle and took a deep drink. She breathed in the cold mountain air and then stretched her neck by rotating it slowly. This hike was strenuous and she knew that later she would be sore but it felt glorious to be out in nature like this.

Sully was a few paces ahead of her and he turned wiping his mouth after drinking from his own water bottle. "You alright?"

"Yes, I'm fine. I told you I could keep up with you."

"Okay." He stood studying her for a moment. "You warm enough?"

"Actually, I'm a little warm - thinking about shedding a layer."

"Here hand me your backpack and I'll hold it for you." Sully moved closer. Michaela handed him her backpack and then pulled off her coat. She had a thick sweatshirt underneath and then a layer of thermals. She pulled the sweatshirt off over her head and handed it to Sully who stored it in her backpack for her. As Sully handed her the bag back, he hooked his finger through one of her belt loops and pulled her close. "Can I sleep with you again tonight?"

"Sully," Michaela chastised but she was smiling.

"Thank you for taking care of Hannah." Michaela nodded but didn't say anything. "And thank you for taking care of me."

"I didn't do anything." Sully looked at her and took a deep breath, exhaling slowly. He looked like he was about to say something but then he laid his head against her shoulder. His heart was thudding but he kept his lips firmly shut. It would be too easy to whisper that he loved her.

And he did. He didn't care that it was too soon. He didn't care that he was still grieving. The only thing that held him back was the possibility of scaring her or the chance that she did not feel the same way.

He pulled back and looked at her again. "You held me last night." She smiled and blushed. "And you didn't take advantage of me when I fell asleep in your bed." Michaela shook her head and laughed. "I mean if you want to take advantage of me in the future…." He let go of her but gave her a knowing look.

"I'll keep that in mind."

Sully pulled his water bottle out again and took another long drink. "So we can take the trail either up or down from here. The up isn't bad and then it falls away down the other side. The terrain is a little rough there and I don't know what the snow will have done to it. It's not protected by trees like this side of the mountain is." Michaela nodded. "It's a wonderful view though if you think you're up to it."

Michaela felt her spine straighten. She wanted to ask about the other option but this last line was like a challenge to her. "I'm up to it," she retorted.

"Great." Sully's eyes sparkled as he turned and started climbing again with Michaela following a few paces behind.

Sully hadn't exaggerated in the least. The climb was well worth it when they stepped out of the tree line. The snow reflected the sun making everything even more spectacular than it already was. Pulling her backpack off one arm, she retrieved her sunglasses from the front pocket so as not to be blinded by the glare.

Sully wrapped an arm around her and she stepped into him, laying her head against his chest. They stood like that for a bit taking in the view when a movement past the trees caught her eye. "Sully what is that?" She pointed in the direction of the movement.

"Pikas. They are part of the rabbit family." Michaela watched as one headed into the burrow and another stopped and looked around listening.

"Would we see elk up this high?

"In the summers but they tend to migrate to lower elevation in the winter." Sully pointed up into the sky and Michaela looked up. "Falcons, male and female."

"How do you know?" Michaela asked, watching the birds dive and soar in the sky.

"They are chasing each other. That's a courtship display. The one flying higher is the male. In a minute, he will dive down and chase the female." As if they had heard Sully, the male went into a dive and the female soared higher now. "Some hawks mate for life," he said looking down at her.

Michaela felt his words deep inside and she swallowed hard. She gave a small shake of her head trying to clear her mind. Certainly, Sully meant nothing by his last statement. Did he? "How do you know so much?"

"Cloud Dancing taught me some and I spent a lot of time out here as a teenager. I didn't really get along very well with others." He made a face. "I was uh… sort of …. a pain in the rear." Michaela's lips crinkled into a smile. "I know you couldn't imagine me being like that."

Michaela was thinking about the scene Sully made in her office when she visited Hannah without his permission. "No, I couldn't," she laughed.

"We better start down if we want to be back before sundown." Sully took his hand off her waist but grabbed her hand as they started down the trail. It was very steep and rocky in some places and so the going was slow at times.

At one point, Sully stopped. "Be careful, this part is icy." He let go of her hand and stepped carefully down over the rocks. He stumbled briefly but caught himself. Michaela followed him, stepping gingerly as she went. Sully was just turning to reach for her when her right foot slipped and she caught herself hard with her left hand.

"Are you okay?"

Michaela bit her lip and tried to cautiously move her wrist. She felt like she had heard something snap but she wasn't certain. "Umm… I've hurt my wrist."

Sully made a face and reached for her right hand to help her stand up fully. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought you this way. Are you hurt anywhere else?"

"Sully stop worrying - it's only my wrist. I can move it without massive pain. It's probably a sprain. I can make it back to the lodge just fine."

"Alright," he said reluctantly. "The path gets easier at this next bend."

Michaela sat on the floor in front of the dark windows marveling at the view. It was amazing the difference that no light pollution made in the ability to see the stars. Cloud Dancing had wrapped her wrist when they had returned. He agreed with her diagnosis of a sprain given the movement she still had in it and the lack of swelling. Still Michaela had iced it and taken some ibuprofen hoping to dull the ache.

Cloud Dancing was conducting a meeting over the computer with the tribal leaders about his plans for a new medical clinic on the northern part of the reservation. Snowbird was giving Hannah a bath and putting her to bed. She was reveling in being able to have Hannah here for an extended visit. Sully came back into the family room carrying two cups of tea. He came and sat with her on the floor.

"Here you are." He handed her mug to her carefully and then took a sip of his own. "You never get tired of this view."

"It's like standing at the ocean. This incredible vast expanse stretching out before you." Michaela leaned forward slightly to set her mug off to the side and made a small protest of pain.

"You sore?" Sully was looking at her sideways and she could see the gloating in his eyes.

"A little," she conceded.

"Here." Sully moved behind her and sat up on his knees. He placed one hand on each shoulder and began to massage them, moving down her back rhythmically. Michaela leaned slightly forward gasping when he hit the place in her lower back that was sore. "Got a knot here," he said, continuing to move his hands over it, stretching out the muscle and persuading it to loosen. Her shirt was untucked and as she leaned forward it had exposed the bottom of her back. She sucked in sharply when she felt Sully's hand on her bare skin.

Sully was watching her face in the glass as he moved down her back and he couldn't help but smile at her reaction. Sully pushed her shirt up slightly, continuing to work his hands against the bare skin there. Michaela leaned back into him and he slipped his fingers under the waistband of her jeans still working on the muscles of her lower back. Michaela's lips parted and she closed her eyes. Her lack of protest or tensing of her body was a welcome surprise to Sully and he relished it. He moved now off his knees and placed one leg on either side of her. Moving his right hand just under the edge of her shirt, he wrapped it around her midsection.

"Sully?" Her voice was breathy.

"Hmm."

"Would you rub my calves?" She turned so that she could see him and Sully found himself transfixed by the innocence in her gaze.

"Sure." He nodded and moved until he could place her legs into his lap. She was wearing a pair of flannel pajama pants and rather than massaging through her pants, he pushed them up to her knees.

Michaela closed her eyes and let herself enjoy his fingers on her skin. He worked down from each knee to the ankle and then back up again. As he finished, she opened her eyes studying his face. He was flushed and she reached out her good hand to stroke his face. Starting at her forehead, she ran her fingers down to his chin and then up to his lips. Sully kissed her finger, catching it between his lips and holding it there for a moment until Michaela slowly pulled it away.

"How's that?" he asked.

Michaela bit her lip, her eyes not quite meeting Sully's. "Amazing," she whispered.

"Come here," he said and pulled her gently into his lap. "Is this alright?"

Michaela nodded and then laid her head against his shoulder. Sully cradled her against him listening to the sound of her even breathing as they watched the stars dance in the night sky. This, Michaela thought to herself, this is what I have craved. She wanted this with David- intimacy that was something more than sex.

Sully pressed his nose against the top of her head, losing himself in the scent of her. Her eyes were closed and her breathing deep and even. Sully thought she was asleep and so he whispered into her hair. "I love you."