~You don't cross my mind, you live in it~

We're still cuddled in our hotel bed. Our talk turns somewhat deeper as we gain more confidence to ask each other more personal questions. I think we've reached the level to become more open with one another. I can tell he's still holding back but he lets me know a little bit more about his family. I'll take it – for now.

He asks me the question I've been avoiding and dreading, but I decide that I need to be open with him if I want to develop this relationship further. I can't keep on hiding and I don't want to. For the first time, I feel a release at being able to open up about my past – to someone I trust, to someone I… love?

Fuck do I actually love him? I've never loved another man before and I'm not sure what love is even supposed to feel like – but there's no other word strong enough to describe this energy and connection between us.

"Where's your mom?" He asks while caressing my skin with the tips of his fingers and nuzzling his nose into my hair.

"I haven't seen my mom since I was five, she was in prison for ten years. She was released three years ago but I haven't heard from her," I confide in him.

"Fuck... I'm sorry baby. You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," his face in shock, sympathy laced in his voice.

"No… I want to. I haven't told anyone but I want you to know everything about me, know part of the reason why I am the way I am. I don't want to hide anymore," I respond.

He holds me tight as I spill out everything.

"I lived with my mom until I was five. I had no idea who my dad was because she wouldn't tell me. I was a product of a one-night stand so she made it seem like he wanted nothing to do with me. Later, I found out that he spent years looking for me but she hid our identity really well and we were halfway across the country in Florida while he was here in Forks, where he met her."

"I don't remember much because I was so young but the brief memories I have are fucking hell, she was abusive." I'm hesitant to get into details. I feel his fingers grip and tighten against me; I know it'll just upset him more.

"She was a drug addict – heroin specifically. We were dirt poor and any money she got was for her next fix. She had a lot of grimy men come through our door who she sold her body to, to make some extra cash – not like that money benefited me anyway. I was practically malnourished." I feel a teardrop slide down my cheek, not even aware that I'm crying. I thought I've become numb to what happened to me and moved on but I guess by talking about it, I'm reopening the wounds I tried to keep closed for so long.

Edward's fingers gently brush away my tears and I look up at him to see his eyes glossy as well, I see the pain he's feeling from my suffering. Before I thought I had accepted it and moved on from it, but really I just kept it buried deep inside, still eating at me. Now I feel like I can finally come to terms with it and move on – now that I'm not alone and feel like I'm worth it.

"She ended up being an accomplice to a bank robbery with some sketchy guy she was seeing while she had possession of drugs on her and was armed with a weapon – she wasn't the smartest tool in the shed. She was released after doing 10 years on good behavior and because she snitched on the guy that was with her, who was a drug dealer. She hasn't tried to contact me since she's been out. I don't know anything; if she cleaned up - went back to drugs – if she's dead."

"Sometimes my heart tries to make me believe that she never contacted me because she felt guilty for what she put me through and wanted to protect me because she knew it would mess me up more if she tried to come back in my life and she wasn't clean, but that's just my mind not wanting to accept the fact that she still wants nothing to do with me after all these years and has no remorse."

Edward lets me talk, not interrupting or asking questions, just letting me get it all off my chest.

"A big part of me is glad that she hasn't reached out, I don't think I could ever forgive her. I know bad shit happened to me when I lived with her and a large part of my brain blocked out those shitty memories, I don't want to risk them coming back. When Renee was arrested, Child Services got in contact with Charlie and he came to get me right away. I just remember him bawling and holding on to me for dear life; because of him I built a new life, became a new person. I don't want any of that back, she was never a mother to me in the first place, she never wanted me. I just don't know why she wouldn't let Charlie keep me from the beginning if she didn't want me and knew how bad Charlie did. I sometimes wonder if I'd be more normal if he took care of me from my birth." I finish, feeling a huge weight lifted off my chest but still emotional at bringing up these old, painful memories.

"I'm so sorry baby that you had to go through all of that, but I'm so fucking glad your mom got arrested because you wouldn't be here, safe… in my arms. You are fucking perfect and deserve everything," he whispers against my ear, his voice raspy with emotion, squeezing on to me as if I'll disappear. I can't control the tears running down my face as I sob into his chest. I feel his tears soak my hair.

"I'm sorry that I gave you drugs, I would've never if I knew," he said regretfully.

"No don't do that, don't pity me. It's fine, you didn't force me, you offered and it's not like I haven't done it before. I know I won't become addicted like Renee, I've done it a few times but I have no desire to use often." I grab his face and stare right into his eyes.

He kisses my forehead and drags me deeper into his chest, pulling the sheets over our head; a shield from all the pain. Just the smell of him, his body wrapped around mine - in our own little cocoon. I've never felt safer.

"I haven't been able to connect or get too close to anyone because of what happened to me – since you," I whisper against his lips.

"Ditto, I fucking hated the whole world until I met you, you will never understand how much you saved me baby and I promise I will protect you even if it fucking kills me. You are the only thing in this world worth living for." His eyes soft and wet with so much passion and emotion.

A/N: I don't have much knowledge on the law system so please extend your imagination for that part. We're finally unraveling their layers a little bit, but this is just the tip, we have more drama coming – it'll just take a bit more time to get there though!

Please let me know what you think!