Let's go back to the tour bus. Thanks for reviewing, Lordgemini, AnonBrowser, timothysch22, IllusionSign (Well, you gave me a plot bunny, but Chris couldn't possibly keep Toni as a contestant after the drama of her almost winning last season…) and OmnipotentAbsoluteUIGodzilla.
We were behind the Dirtbags when we started, but we were determined to catch up. Courtney offered to drive the bus, but she complained about it. "Doesn't this jalopy go any faster?" she whined.
"Maybe you should let Duncan drive." Gwen suggested.
"Not helping, Gwen."
Heather was smirking as she spoke up. "She's just sticking up for her secondary boyfriend. Oh, wait – Duncan's your boyfriend. My mistake."
I shrugged at the by-play and said "Heather, no offense, but shut up because none of us want to hear from you and you already know that Gwen is still with Trent. And Courtney, ditto, but I agree with Gwen, you should let Duncan drive. We'd have a better chance of catching up."
Everyone else was talking. Beth was trying not to be sick with DJ's mother warning her she didn't want any sick on her bus floor. Leshawna was talking to her, and Owen was trying to keep his stash of chocolate in the overhead shelf.
I didn't really pay too much attention until I heard a call from Bridgette. "Hey, guys! There's the Dirtbag bus, up ahead!"
We managed to pass it, but we still needed to slow it down. It was Harold who suggested we get in closer. Courtney immediately managed to get just in front. Then he thought for a moment. "If we just had some kind of catapult…like a bra!"
And just how many of us would be willing to give one of those up? We'd need one that was fairly big, for one thing. At least cup C, if not D. I was a C, but I wasn't giving mine up. And at least half the girls were smaller than that, so that cut down the amount of bras, too.
"Wow, genius." Noah deadpanned.
"Got any better ideas?" Gwen asked.
"Here's a bra!"
As she spoke, Leshawna's huge pink bra was thrown over, landing on Noah's head. I glanced over at her, wondering why she was so completely fine with sacrificing her underwear for a catapult. "What?" she asked, looking up. "You never seen triple-Ds before?"
I glanced over at Lindsay. I'd seen her bra in the trailer after she'd put her pyjamas on. I knew for a fact that triple Ds were not as impressive as her double H. And I knew for a fact that bra cups only ever went up to K (thank heavens I was normal – not tiny, but not massive either).
"Well, Tyler probably has," I said playfully, "Just not many others." I knew Lindsay wouldn't pick up on what I was talking about.
Either way, the bra was useful as a catapult. And our ammo? Owen's stash of chocolate. He'd put a tonne in one of the overhead lockers, and they were kind of perfect for the job. They would splatter all over the windshield. Gwen kicked the back door open, Owen pulled the bra back as far as he could, and Tyler went to grab the ammo (he tripped, but all of it landed in the cups).
Well, he didn't look quite as relaxed after we'd splattered his windshield with chocolate. Twice. We could actually hear him through the closed windows. "You're gonna regret this!" he yelled.
"Ha!" Heather called back. "You messed with the wrong reality show cast, mister!"
I was, by the way, not really doing anything at all, just observing. It wasn't until I heard Duncan and Courtney arguing at the front that I wandered back. They were halfway through when I got there.
"What you need is some tape over your mouth!" Courtney was saying.
"Well, if you'd just listen to me-" Duncan began.
"Oh, I'll start listening," Courtney shot back, "The minute you say something worthwhile!"
"You're insane, you know that?"
"And you are a monster!"
A second later, they were making out. And Courtney had let go of the wheel and turned away from the pedals.
"Guys, get off the seat!" I started yelling at them. "Or just stop – someone needs to drive this thing!"
They didn't seem to hear me. I started shoving past them, trying to get to the wheel and the pedals, which proved difficult with Courtney's elbow still on the wheel and them not even seeming to know I was there.
I knew it wasn't working when I heard Gwen asking "Why is the road so bumpy all of a sudden?"
The lovebirds still didn't seem to notice, until DJ, looking out the window, screamed "Courtney, look out!"
Courtney snapped out of it, gasped and finally started driving again, but it was too late. The brakes weren't working, one tyre popped off entirely, and we were headed towards a canyon.
We were all screaming, but as we went over the edge, there was dead silence.
Except for one thing. Izzy saying thoughtfully "So Noah was Chris' assistant…huh."
Wanna know how we survived? Leshawna's bra. It got caught on a ledge, and once we cut it, it was only a few inches left to fall. We were fine.
Okay, the bus was totalled, but at least no one was badly hurt.
Geoff took charge. "I came here to party," he stated to us. "But this seriously lacks partatiousness. So I'm gonna get help. Then, we're all gonna party!"
He didn't go alone, of course. Justin offered to go with him, and that prompted Katie and Sadie to go too. Eva, Trent and Beth also chose to go, while the rest of us stayed.
About a day later, a giant magnet was suddenly slapped onto the bus.
Sierra was the first to see the source. "It's Chris!"
"They don't call me Best Reality Show Host for nothing!" our host called from a little helicopter.
"And I don't call you Worst Cousin for nothing either, Chrissy!" I called back. "Are you going to explain why you're suddenly talking to us again?"
Fair enough, he did when he got us back to the film lot. He flew the bus, with us in it, right back. We all crowded into the service tent, and it turned out Alejandro had beat us there. Well, he'd made pancakes, and he was looking slightly less like a jerk. I guess no one looks their best when chocolate is blinding them.
Chris explained that he still wanted us.
"But what happened to Total Drama Dirtbags?" Heather asked.
"It was a trick!" Alejandro spoke up, sounding enraged. "There never was any Total Drama Dirtbags!"
Chris wanted to give us a chance to prove we still had what it took to make another season, so he was going to take the contestants around the world. Oh, and Alejandro was also going to compete, to make up for his disappointment.
"What about me, Chrissy?" I asked in all seriousness. "You said the producers would never let me compete again, not after how well I did the first time."
"Oh yeah…that." Chris had a smirk on his face that I recognized. "I'll tell you the deal later, Toni. Let's just say for now that you're coming."
Well, I could live with that. No one from the search party was coming, but apart from that, we had Sierra and Alejandro joining the cast.
And Chris told me exactly what he meant later on, just as he'd promised. "Toni, you got us some of the ratings last season," he said seriously. "The interactions between you and me specifically. So the producers thought it would be a good idea to keep you on, but you're right. They don't want you to compete again. So instead, you're coming along…as a cohost! You're only junior to me, but they think that you're good enough to do it, like Bridgette and Geoff on their Aftermath show. Don't get me wrong – you're all amateurs, but it's enough that the producers want you. And you'll get paid. And most of it's on spring break, so I already got permission from your parents. Are you ready for Total Drama World Tour?"
I felt a sense of excitement again. Bigger than the one I'd had last fall when he'd asked me on the show.
"Are you kidding me?! Of course I am!"
And that's where this one ends. Yes, as a lot of you wanted, I'm doing a sequel. No Jemma, again, but I will do World Tour. I wasn't planning to, but a couple of you have been talking about looking forward to it. It's in the works as a plan right now. Same deal of different eliminations. Just because Toni can't compete doesn't mean she can't stir things up. And if a certain Princess is reading this…look, I'm going to grant one of your wishes, okay?
See you guys real soon, with Total Cousins World Tour!