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2075 ROBCO(R)
LOADER V1. 1
EXEC VERSION 41.10
32K RAM SYSTEM
1560 BYTES FREE
HOLLOW TAPE LOADED: "THE-GOSPEL"
INITIALISING…
SUCCESS!
STATUS
Battery Level: 9%
Wireless Signal: (?)
Operating Temperature: 93F
HEALTH
BP: 160/120
SPO2: 97%
Temp: 98.5F
RR: 16
HR: 80
WARNING: GALLBLADDER ABSENT!
TIME
Day: 11 October 2279
Time: 13:21
CLIMATE
Current Temperature: 68F
Atmospheric Pressure: 730 mmHG
When I was five years old, anything louder than a footstep was enough to make my mind start buzzing. And when I tried to voice my concern, to explain what I was feeling, no one could understand the noises that came out. I could tell them to make the buzzing stop- I could scream it to the heavens- but it wouldn't make any difference. I was so powerless, then.
But I found a way.
When I was ten years old, and I could finally speak in short, choppy sentences, it's not like anyone listened. "Give me five seconds," I would say, "Just give me five seconds to process this!" And every time, without fail, someone would grab me, touch me, set my brain alight. It's not like I was asking for much- just five short seconds. What's five seconds, in a day with 86400 of the things? But no one could ever give me that, because they didn't know how to listen and I couldn't teach them.
But I found a way!
And when I was thirteen, my father was gunned down in the town square. A defining moment in life, cause that's when I decided that I wasn't ever gonna be powerless again; took to really learning medicine, because I wanted to learn everything! I couldn't even read, but I wanted to learn everything. Seemed like a hopeless goal
But I found a way, goddamnit! And here I was, seventeen years old, lying face down in the dirt. Left for dead, under the heat of the desert sun, but I wouldn't die. I still had too much to do. I still had to save my mother, and find out if Savanna was alright...
I'd find a way. I had to.
-break-
When I finally came to, it was to a horrible pain in my chest- like someone had taken a chunk of hot iron and started scraping it against my sternum. I groaned out through the musky execution hood, and the scraping stopped. The pain lingered.
"Sorry, but you weren't responding to anything else. Could you squeeze my finger, please?"
"Wha?" I murmured. The voice was familiar- it had an ethereal quality, like how I always imagined an angel would speak. I felt a warm, soft hand brush against mine, and my whole body grew tense.
'This is it,' I thought, 'She's here to finish me!' The walls of my mind began to close in. "No! Go away…"
"Easy now, don't try and stand. You could-"
"GO AWAY!" I screamed, scrambling up onto all-fours and ripping off my execution hood. The whole bright world exploded into my eyes through the empty rims of my shattered glasses, and among the dazzling lights was the outline of a person, standing alone against the setting sun. I threw myself into her.
"Wait-!"
Her hands flew up to stop me, but it wasn't any use- we both went tumbling down into the sun baked mud together. Up above, the great NCR monorail went shrieking into the station.
"You- you cretin! Get off of me this instant, or-"
"Or what?" I snarled, yanking her up by the collar of her coat and pressing my forehead up against hers. She tried to look away from me. "You're gonna hurt me? I don't care, you're alone! I'll bash your skull in before you get the chance to scream!" The woman didn't answer. She just grit her teeth and locked eyes with me as the infernal shrieking of the monorail continued.
Her eyes- I'd seen them before, I realized. Piercing, green eyes, like a fox's. Like mom's. Strong, but not angry. Not anymore. She put her hand on my face.
"Oh, Isaac… you have your mother's eyes, did you know that?"
I loosened my grip.
"Everyone always said you looked just like your father, but no one ever told you about your eyes, did they? You poor thing."
"Aunt Julie," I said. I bit my lip. "You- you changed your hair…"
Julie laughed. She'd dyed her hair a dark blue, and done it up like the spines on a deathclaw's back. I liked her old hair better, but I wasn't gonna tell her that.
"I've changed a lot of things. We've all changed a lot of things, haven't we?" She looked me up and down. Bruised, dirty, covered in blood… I felt the tears welling up at the back of my throat.
"You- you prolly wanna know why I'm like this-"
"Not now. You don't have to explain yourself," she said. There were tears in her eyes too. The shrieking of the monorail quieted as she pulled me into her embrace.
I didn't try to stop the tears.
"I'm so sorry," I murmured. A quiet sob escaped my throat. "I- I know I wasn't supposed to hurt nobody, but-"
"Shhhh." Aunt Julie pulled me tighter. Aunt Julie, leader of the Followers in Nevada; Aunt Julie, the clever sister; Aunt Julie, who hadn't visited us since father died…
"We tried to write you, you know? We wrote so many letters, but you never wrote back! Why the hell didn't you write back?" Julie stroked my head.
"I've been busy. More busy than you can imagine, with the war raging on like it is." I lifted my head up off her shoulder, and looked at her eyes again; Red, swollen with tears... Did she know? Had she even read our letters? I narrowed my eyes at her.
"You're too- too busy to care for your own sister, is that it? Too busy for family?" Her eyes opened wide.
"To care for- what? Oh my god! Is Penny sick again!?" I did an angry laugh.
"Oh, you didn't even read her letters, did you? Her cancer has been back for a year now, Aunt Julie! I can't even believe she's hung on this long!" Julie shook her head.
"No, no, that can't be! Penny wrote to me every month, and she never once mentioned anything like that! I would have sent a letter back, if I thought it was that import…" Aunt Julie trailed off as my expression grew harder. She considered her word choice for a moment. "...Well, of course your mother is important to me, but her letters never seemed urgent."
"What did she tell you?" I asked. Julie tried to compose herself.
"She- well, every time she wrote, she said that she'd, "love to see me again, if I ever had a spare moment," and that she hoped the Followers were, "doing well without dear Lucas..." She looked away from me again, but I could still see the pain in her eyes. She wiped away an errant tear. "...And, that she missed me. But, never anything about a relapse."
I thought back to what she had said- that the Followers were too busy, that it would be a waste of time. But that hadn't been Julie telling her those things, had it? It hadn't been any member of the Followers, busy as they were.
It had been herself.
"Goddamnit, mom," I muttered. Julie put her hand on my shoulder again. "God damn you, and your stupid pride!"
"Is that why you're here?" asked Julie. I sighed.
"Yeah. Yeah, that'd be it." Up above, a crowd of people had begun boarding and exiting the train. Julie stood up and wiped away her tears. She offered me her hand.
"Where are we going?" I asked, taking her hand and pulling my aching body up as best I could. I stumbled a bit, but Aunt Julie caught me and put her arm under my shoulder.
"Up there, on the monorail. We're going to take you to the old fort Mormon and get you fixed up, and after that-"
"We go help my mom, right?" I interrupted. Julie grinned a little.
"Of course- After you've told me the whole story of how in the good lord's name you ended up on the other side of the desert, face down in camp Mccarran! You are very far from home, young man, you know that?"
"It's a long fuckin story," I said, smiling despite myself. Julie looked cross.
"Isaac! Your father didn't raise you to swear, did he?"
"Ha- if he didn't want me swearing, the stupid son of a bitch shouldn't of up and died on me, should he? I can say as many bad words as I want!" Julie looked at me like I'd just shot Caesar himself in front of all his subjects. Shocked, of course, but there was some admiration there. My smile grew wider. "In fact, I might've learned a couple'a new ones while I was on the road. I mean, you got your obvious ones, like Fuck and Shit and Piss and-"
"Isaac!"
"And Bitch, I heard that one a lot. But, I heard some real crazy ones this last month! The scourge of Kiev called me a 'Candy-Ass-Queer once, which is rich coming from her-"
"THE scourge of Kiev? The one from the comic books?" I nodded.
"She's less impressive up close. Had some dandy Russian swears though, like Blyat, and Pizdetz. Ooh, but you know who had my favorite ones?" Julie raised her eyebrows.
"Who?"
"Savanna did. Or, does, I'm hoping. She called me a dumb egg once." I was still smiling, but probably not very well because now a pit had formed in my stomach and I suddenly wasn't feeling nearly as happy as I should. I limped up the stairs to the station in silent thought, Julie's arm planted firmly under mine. I wanted to ask her if Savanna was alright, if she was at least in good hands, but, at the same time, I wasn't sure that I wanted to know. Not like there was much I could do about it at this point...
"Are you alright? The noise isn't too much for you, is it?" asked Julie. I shook my head.
"I'm okay."
We continued up the stairs in silence until we reached the platform, where small crowds of soldiers and people in suits were hurrying to board the monorail before it left for Vegas. One of them, a short, plump woman with curly blonde hair and an officer's cap, seemed to take notice of us. I tensed up.
"Halt! Who told you that you're allowed to be up here, Miss Farkas!?" she shouted, her blonde curls bouncing about as she strode forward. Julie was undeterred.
"That's 'Doctor' Farkas to you, 'Major,' Elizabeth Kieran. And keep your voice down, our friend here doesn't deal well with loud noises." The soldier looked at me, then Julie, then me again. I looked away.
"Well, he is certainly a cute one. Looks kind of like…"
"Lucas, I know," I muttered. Major Kieran giggled.
"Well, I was going to say that you look like my brother-in-law, but you aren't wrong! Did you ever meet him?"
"Yeah. I'm his son."
I think Kieran might have gasped a little bit at that, but she covered her mouth before any sound could come out. She gave Aunt Julie a look that I couldn't decipher.
"Where did you find him?" she asked, eventually. Her tone was hushed, now, and she was glancing around the station like a hunted radstag. Julie shrugged.
"He was lying in the usual place, behind the trainyard. You know, where Wolf always leaves petty criminals when he and his gang are done thrashing them, per our little arrangement. Why do you ask?" Kieran bit her lip.
"I- Well, that's just very strange! Lieutenant Wolf told me about you, earlier today, Isaac- He said that you had committed treason! He seemed very confused as to how Doctor Saller's son got wrapped up in a legion plot to gain control of the HELIOS facility," she explained. Aunt Julie curled her lip at me.
"You… what?" I laughed nervously.
"Aha, gosh, that is actually a very funny story! Y'see, we all thought we were doing a fancy undercover shipment for the NCR-"
"I know, that's what Wolf told me when we spoke in private. But, since you were the only prisoner that he had to show for his mini-coup, he and Colonel Hsu told the whole War-Panel that you were the ringleader, and that you were shot and your body was cremated! He issued a formal document and everything!" I winced.
"Well, as you can see, he didn't do that. You got any idea why?" I asked, as I myself tried to think of one good reason for a man in Lieutenant Wolf's unfortunate position to not actually kill me and parade my corpse through the streets; He'd said something to me, while he was beating me, but my memories of the event were blurry. Kieran took a long, nervous breath in through her teeth, then shook her head.
"I… couldn't tell you. I'm sorry, I don't know him all that well. I think the only reason he even talks to me is that he thinks it will get him a date, even though I've promised him that it won't." The train made a loud whistling noise, and Kieran looked over her shoulder. Those who weren't getting on the train began to clear the platform.
"Train's leaving," said Aunt Julie. Kieran didn't move. "So…?"
"I don't know if I should sneak him on, Julie. I mean, I can sneak you on, you're my best friend, but I could get in a lot of trouble over him! Our arrangement is kind of an open secret, you know?" Julie put her hand on Kieran's shoulder.
"Lizzy," she said. 'Lizzy' looked down in shame. "I'm not leaving my nephew behind, and I can't just walk him out of here. Let us through."
"I don't- I don't know..." The train whistle blew again, and the lights above the doors started spinning. The pit in my stomach grew, as the orange lights flashed across the station and the doctor and the major locked eyes. Minutes seemed to pass in the seconds that transpired.
"Fine!" Snapped Kieran, just as the spinning lights shut off. She ushered us forward. "Hurry now, please!" No one gave us so much as a second glance as we squeezed through the sliding train doors of a mostly-empty compartment, and found our way to the back. The familiar smell of gun-oil and floor polish washed through my sinuses.
"The train will now be departing the station. The time is 1800. The train is on schedule," came a tired young man's voice, over the staticky radio. Major Kieran flopped down in the rearmost corner-seat.
"Thank you," I said, before I could think better of it. Kieran sighed.
"Just… don't mention it, okay? Seriously. Keep it quiet." I couldn't help but notice the admiration in Julie's eyes as she looked at her friend, slumped over in her seat with her officer's cap over her eyes. She shook her head lovingly.
"Keep doing the right thing, Lizzy. The NCR is better off with people like you in it." Kieran didn't say anything in response. Since she clearly wasn't in the mood to discuss, I freed myself from Julie's support and sat down in the window seat opposite to the Major's. Julie elected to stand and hold onto one of the brass polls as the monorail crawled into motion.
Soon, the speed picked up, and the wind came shrieking in through the half-open windows. I hadn't been in a fast-moving vehicle since the roller-coaster at Primm, and though I'd found it terrifying at the time, the memories looked awful nice through the murky lens of nostalgia. I stuck my arm out the window.
"Having fun?" asked Aunt Julie. I kept on staring out the window.
"A little bit! I think I'll take Savanna on here some day," I replied, taking in the cloudy blue sky and the red mountains and plains. The terrible camp with all its planes and tents and vertibirds had already grown small behind us.
"I think you mentioned her before. Is she a friend of yours?" I nodded enthusiastically.
"Oh, you bet your ass she is- Savanna's my girlfriend!" Out of the corner of my eye, I saw both Kieran and Aunt Julie stare at me. I couldn't read Kieran's expression, but Julie definitely had an eyebrow raised.
"Your… girlfriend? Does she know about this arrangement?" I laughed. Given who I was, it was a good question.
"Yeah, the sentiment was mutual, believe it or not! I've grown up a little since Father died."
I went back to staring out the window for a while. We were going over the ruins of old-vegas now- toppled skyscrapers and high-rises with blankets of sand and dust blowing through. I had to strain my neck to see even a sliver of New Vegas, but the neon lights were already reflecting off the shiny sides of the monorail. The lights that had drawn her from her tribe, like a moth to a flame...
"I sure hope she's okay."
No one acknowledged my statement, and I was okay with that. The train hit a bend, sped through the desolate ruins of an abandoned station, and suddenly I didn't have to struggle to see the Lucky 38 and all the other dancing neon lights of the Strip. The final station loomed ahead.
"We are now pulling into the Las Vegas Boulevard Station. The time is 1812, for all you morons who care about the time but can't be bothered to look up at the giant clock on the wall…"
"This is our stop," said Julie. I drew my arm back in to avoid having it chopped off by the station's wall. "See you on my next visit, 'Major Kieran'; You're a good friend."
"Mhm." The train came to a gradual stop. The spinning lights above the doors lit up again as the doors went sliding open.
"This way, Isaac," said Julie. She helped me up out of my seat. "Let's get you out of here."
There was a surprisingly large crowd of officials exiting the train with us, practically spilling out of their cars and onto the previously unoccupied platform. I wondered if it might have something to do with the war-conference that Kieran had mentioned. None of them seemed to notice me.
"Is the crowd too much for you?" asked Aunt Julie. I waved her off.
"I got shot through my stomach last week; my bar for "too much" has been raised a little." Julie smirked at me.
"Oh, so now that my nephew is a big hotshot, I'm not allowed to worry about him anymore? I get it. This is probably just Tuesday for you." I cocked my head.
"I thought it was Sunday?"
I guess Julie thought I was joking, cause she just laughed and kept walking. Her arm stayed planted firmly under mine as we walked out the doors and descended the crowded steps to The Strip. I'd never seen so many people packed into one place…
Oh, but that was Vegas, wasn't it? City of Dreams, before the war and after. A hundred thousand dreams in a big neon playground.
-Break-
"...Alright, next question: How do you take arterial pressure?"
"Over palp."
"And how do you calculate your drip rates?"
"Drip rates are for pussies! I titrate to effect." The handsome researcher in front of me nodded and scribbled down my answers on a piece of paper. It was late in the afternoon now, and the light from the setting sun had gotten scattered across my skin as it passed through the mesh windows of the Fort Mormon trauma tent. I cozied up under my comforter.
"Mhm. And for this last one, I'm just going to assume that your favorite intubation route is endotracheal, right?" I shook my head.
"Guess again." The researcher scratched his chin.
"Hmm… Cric, then?" I grinned.
"You know it!" The researcher clicked his pen.
"Well, I suppose that settles it: he's a cowboy. Pretty much the complete opposite of his dad. Would you be comfortable sharing your save/death ratio?" He asked. I laid back in my cot. How many people had I saved at this point?
"Uh… I think it's like, seven/zero, right now? I haven't actually lost any patients that weren't already dead men when I got to them. Oh, and I guess it'll be eight/zero, if my girlfriend pulls through, and the guy who's spine I fucked doesn't shoot himself before I can go back and unfuck it. Would that factor into my ratio?"
"My rule of thumb is that if you have to ask, it's probably on you," said the researcher. Aunt Julie stopped measuring out her facial-trauma patient's Propofol bolus for a moment to glare at him.
"Arcade, he's seventeen years old and he's been through a lot! Don't make me send you back to your cave!" 'Arcade' adjusted his glasses haughtily.
"It's not a cave, Julie, it's a laboratory, and if I'm not allowed to make fun of bad physicians then I don't even know why you keep my unaccredited keister around. I'm willing to bet that at least one of those "saves," died within a day of "Doctor Duntsch" here leaving their bedside. Unless you somehow enacted plans for their further care…?" I sighed heavily.
"I mean, I transferred care of my girlfriend to the NCR guys, and they said they transferred her to y'all, which is exactly what I was banking on. And I left relevant medicine and instructions for everyone else, but I don't really know what else I was supposed to do," I replied. Julie looked up from her patient again.
"Say, what was this girlfriend's name? Savanna, right?" I nodded. "Hm. What did she look like?"
"Darker-skinned asian lady, 'bout my height. Real purdy, but sorta, um, weighty. Missing a couple limbs…" Julie's face fell.
"Oh. Oh, I suppose I should have guessed."
"Should have guessed what? Is she okay?" I asked, sitting up straight in my cot. Julie shook her head.
"Last I saw her, Doctor Usanagi was taking her to be treated by her students at the Clinic. She's our best trauma-doctor, but she's no magician. I think she regarded the experience more as good practice than an actual chance at a good outcome," she replied. I laid back down in my cot.
"Oh." I shivered. The thick comforter did nothing for the chill that ran down my spine. "Oh…"
"Hey, look on the bright side- Usanagi is probably the best trauma doc I've ever met, after your dearly departed dad, of course. If anything can be done for her, Doctor Usanagi will do it," said Arcade, with a halfhearted little smile. I rubbed my temples.
"Yeah. Sure, let's just go with that." My stomach felt hollow, and my skin was slowly being covered in paradoxical patches of sweat and goosebumps. The IV that they'd stuck in the crook of my arm suddenly felt like a worm under my skin. A low frequency buzzing noise, like radio static, filled my mind.
"Are you okay?" asked Aunt Julie, again. I threw my hands up.
"Yeah, I'm fuckin' dandy! Piss off and-"
"Whoa, junior-"
"-And intubate your patient already! Half her face is bashed in, don't that qualify as urgent!?" Julie appeared unphased.
"Yes, I suppose it does. Thank you for the reminder."
Without another word, Julie pulled on her goggles, grabbed a laryngoscope, and pried her patient's gory mess of a mouth wide open. She peered through the patient's exenterated eye-socket, then maneuvered a surgical bougie in through the hole. She slipped a trache-tube on over it, then slowly drew out the bougie. Arcade looked down in disgust.
The atmosphere was so tense and quiet that I swear I could hear the bougie clicking against her tracheal rings as it came out through the patient's eye-socket. Julie kicked on the oxygen supply.
"Done! Now, why don't we talk about you again?" suggested Julie, looking just slightly unhinged with her laryngoscope in one hand and a blood-coated bougie in the other. Someone came walking into the tent behind her.
"Well where the hell do I even start!? I'm far from home, I just got the everloving shit beat out of me, and now y'all are telling me that the only friend I've ever had is probably gonna die and honestly how do you expect me to-"
"Hey, I don't mean to interrupt anything, but is there an... Isaac B. Saller in here?" We all turned our heads to stare at the newcomer; A wiry little kid with a baseball cap, couldn't have been much older than me. He was holding a letter.
"Give it to me," I grumbled. The kid gave me an irritating grin.
"Maybe. Are you Isaac B-"
"Give me the goddamn letter!"
He gave me the letter. I tried opening it the neat way for a few seconds, before giving up and just ripping the whole thing open. The empty envelope went drifting to the floor as I unfolded the letter.
"Who's it from?" asked Aunt Julie. I continued to stare at it in dead silence. "What does it say?"
"I can't read it," I said flatly. And that was true; I could barely make out the letters without my glasses, and even if I could, it was written in cursive and it was full of long words that I couldn't sound out. I still knew what it said, of course. Even then, I knew what it said. Aunt Julie took the letter from me.
"Here, I'll read it for you… It says it's from a Mr. And Mrs. McBain, in Primm. Do you know them?" I nodded impatiently.
"No shit. Read me the letter!" Aunt Julie sighed.
"Very well…'Dear Isaac, We hope that you are doing okay, and we hope that you made it to Fort Mormon without any holdups. You'll be happy to know that Kurt is doing well after your treatment…'"
"Is Mom okay? Do they talk about mom?" At this point, I saw Arcade peeking over Julie's shoulder to get a glance at the letter. After just a few seconds, he looked away. His expression was empty. "What are you making that face for? Arcade, stop making that face!"
"Isaac, do you want me to read the letter, or-"
"STOP MAKING THAT FACE!" Everyone winced, but I didn't care. I slammed my pip-boy against the steel bedpost. "Keep reading!"
"But, we have terrible news. News that we wish we could tell you in person, but we couldn't risk a trip all the way down to Fort Mormon- We're sure that you'll understand…" Aunt Julie's voice was starting to crack. She held the letter tight in her hands.
"On- On September 28, five days after you left, your dear mother finally lost the battle with her long illness. She wanted us to tell you that she left everything to you, and that she loved you very much, and that she was so, so proud of the man you've become…" Aunt Julie looked up from the letter. Her face hardly looked human to me.
"...We're so sorry, Isaac."
And that was that. Julie clutched the letter to her chest, stumbled onto a bench and started sobbing. Arcade put his hand on her arm, might've said something comforting, but I couldn't hear it over the buzzing in my head. I stared blankly at the letter in her hands.
So proud of the man you've become-
So proud of the man you've become-
So proud of the man you've become...
"So proud of the man you've become," I repeated, quietly. I stood up. The IV tugged at my arm, so I yanked it out. My blood spilled down my arm and dripped onto the floor. "So proud of the man you've become…"
"Where are you going?" asked Arcade. I snatched the letter away from Julie, and stalked off towards the entrance of the tent. "Hey, Isaac, where are you going buddy!?"
"For a walk."
And I did. That evening, me and The Man I'd Become went for a long, long walk under the setting sun.
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