I like to think that this is all a phase. Zelena and I will bounce right back to normal like nothing ever happened! Then again, we never really got into it like this before. Zelena was always so; she's that 'go with the flow' type of girl. Now I see she was just wearing a mask and swallowing it all in. Why she decided to let it out in puerto rico? I have no idea.
Hopefully she doesn't mean everything she said. There has to be some part of her that doesn't resent me because, when it all comes down to it, I need her. She's my right hand, my bestest friend of all my many friends and she's completely irreplaceable in that department. So, I'm going to fix it.
"Zeeeeee," I mutter gently in the silence of her room. She stirs a little in her peaceful sleep. Her curls are in disarray all over her pillow. I casually knock the pile away from her face and poke her cheek. "Zee!"
"I'm up!" She groans, sitting up but her eyes are still closed. I chuckle and climb out of her bed to patiently wait for her to wake up fore real. "What time is it?"
"Almost noon." I inform. For some reason she is suddenly awake. She frowns at me but rushes to climb out of bed like she has somewhere to be. So I ask.
"Robin and I were supposed to go hang gliding today. I didn't mean to sleep so late." I wonder why she slept in so late...is she having trouble sleeping? "It must be the jet lag."
"Oh...well actually Robin and Emma left a few hours ago." Zelena purses her lips and falls right back on her bed. Just the sound of her heavy exhale makes my heart drop. Just like that, the awkward tension drowns the room to its entirety. Why is it so damn hard?!
"Zee–"
"How can you just look at her?" She randomly blurt. I'm completely thrown off,
"What?" Zelena avoids all contact with me and eventually closes her eyes to prepare herself for, I'm sure will be, another heated conversation. Knowing this, I take a seat on the edge of the bed and prepare myself for the absolute worst.
"Emma. I see how she looks at everyone else and then me. She trusts me with you and I can only assume that–"
"Oh god! We swore we would never talk about it," I stress dramatically. Zelena opens her eyes and glares at me.
"I just, I don't feel right. You never told her and I care about her just as much as Robin does. I mean, she found out that you slept with everyone else," she shrugs like it's some big deal.
I mean what is with her?! It's like she's trying to sabotage me. First, she was jealous. Then, apparently, I wasn't a good friend and I don't spend enough time with her. Now she's uncomfortable with Emma?! What's next? Is she going to say she can't be around my parents because my secret relationship makes her feel uncomfortable around them too? Or, better yet, she's going to demand I tell them.
"We never had sex. You said so yourself, blow jobs don't count." I point out to get her to shut up.
"Come on Regina! We basically 69'd all the time."
"Yeah because you talked me into it!"
"I hardly had to do much convincing." She quips with the coldest glare I have ever seen. Her blue eyes are on fire yet their sold cold leaving me frozen in place. Eventually I could no longer hold her gaze and decide to focus on my shorts.
"And to think I was going to ask you to prom," I mutter more to myself but it's loud for her to hear.
"Really?"
"Yeah. I know that you don't like to be extra so I wasn't going to do a promposal or anything."
"But what about Emma?"
"It was her idea." I shrug. "She doesn't want to see our friendship end. She feels like it's her fault when it's not...it's you."
"Me?!" She snaps. She's pissed once again. This time I don't let it bother me at all. I just nod and stand to make my leave before we actually fight it out right here. I could never hurt Zee though and I never want it to go that far. "Nothing is ever you fault huh?"
"I'm trying! What more do you want from me?"
"I want my bestfriend back!" She cries. "She was my everything! Now I don't know who you are!"
"I'm still me!" She shakes her head at me.
"No...you're not."
There's silence again...a painful silence. At this point I want to give up. I have no idea what to do or say anymore because I'm literally crawling on the thinnest ice in the world with Zelena. She has other things in mind though, things that I didn't process at first. It takes a moment to realize how close she is to me. And then, suddenly her lips are on mine. I don't fight her or flinch...hell I don't know why I do it, but I kiss her back.
The kiss is slow, yet passionate. Somehow I can feel her pain through it. Then there's my own pain in my heart when a loud thump startles us apart. Shit. At the most perfect time, there Emma stands in the doorway with a awfully shocked Robin right next to her.
"Holy shit..." My bestfriend's sister gulps. Emma shoves her way past Robin to make a run for it, most likely, back to our room. "What the hell guys!"
"It just happened!" Zelena panics. Robin frowns, seeming more angry than Emma is. She storms right over to me and hisses,
"Haven't you hurt her enough?!"
"Wait, Robin–it was me it was my fault. I kissed her. I had to."
"WHY?!" She harshly demands.
With that, I realize that Robin isn't talking about Emma at all, she's talking about Zelena. Normally I defend myself in situations like this but I can't. I have no idea why my body won't budge but I'm fucking frozen in place. The only thing that makes me move is the sound of dragging passing the hallway.
Robin turns around, Zelena and I both stand, to find Emma dragging her suitcase towards the stairs.
"Where are you going?" Robin panics, she's the first to slip out of the room to stop Emma. Finally my brain and body works; I follow right behind her.
"Babe!"
"Don't babe me Regina!" She practically screams at me, scaring the living hell out of both Robin and I. "I'm done!"
"Emma, let's just talk about this first. Don't just leave," Zelena pleads gently. Emma literally tries to kill Zelena with her eyes, forcing her to to flinch a few steps back.
I can very well see Emma's struggle. In this moment, I'm really proud of her. She's trying to hold back her rage or her panic attack. Whatever is festering deep down in her car she is desperately trying to hold it down. She doesn't want to be that monster anymore. It hurts that I'm causing her this much pain right now.
"How long?" She asks to one of us. I immediately answer hoping it will stop her from leaving.
"Z-zelena and I did thing but it was way before you and I finally got together I swear." Emma shakes her head angrily and forces her head down so she doesn't have to look at me.
"Before? Before Gina really?! So you lied to me?!"
"I didn't lie!"
"You told me you were a virgin! You told me that I was your first, that you only ever had eyes for me!"
"I did! And I was that wasn't a lie! I didn't lie to you."
"Then what the fuck was that?! That didn't look like a first time. That look like you enjoyed every second and you found something you lost a long time ago." Emma drops her finger from pointing back her bedroom. She doesn't wait for an answer and proceeds down the stair. "I'm going home."
"Emma!" We all whine at once.
Well Zelena whines, I beg with dread, and Robin all but demands for Emma not to be so reckless with her tone. Emma basically ignores us all leaving us no choice to follow her down the stairs. Julio is standing right in the foyer. He heard everything and he looks disappointed and really scared for what's to come next. I bet he's enjoying this though; what gay doesn't love gossip?
"Honey, you can't just leave alone. It isn't safe." He attempts now, jumping in front of the door. Emma looks up to him and finally breaks down. A sob shakes through her entire body forcing Julio to pull her into a tight hug. "Oh, I know mami. It's going to be okay."
Julio looks at me and frowns. He gently pries Emma's grip on her suitcase and motions for me to come over. For a second I hesitate but I take that deadly path towards Emma. She continues to sob out her pain even while Julio and I exchange her. He quietly takes up her suitcase while I hold the blonde in my arms.
Eventually I couldn't fight the pain in my heart either. It probably isn't as excruciating as Emma's but it's enough to shed tears from my eyes. I know this means we're over. I don't want us to be over. Not now or ever. I want to go to college with Emma, travel the world with Emma, get married, have kids, buy a gorgeous house, and grow old. Nobody, absolutely nobody on this planet, could have my heart the way she does. But I know in my heart that I don't deserve her at all. I keep fucking up.
Somehow we're back in our room in bed. Emma literally cried herself to sleep on top of my chest. Her eyes are swollen underneath and her nose and cheeks are still red from her harsh sobbing. She has this grip on my shirt like she could lose me and it feels like her head is ten times heavier on my chest just so I don't budge. I won't anyways.
"Bella?" A soft voice calls from the other side of the room. Slowly, I pull Emma off of me and climb out of bed. When I open the door, I am met by a grinning man who looks exactly like my father.
"Abuelo?"
"Hola!" He shyly waves. Now this man, I remember. I remember everything about him as I give him the biggest hug earning the most comforting teddy bear hug in return.
My grandfather travels the world for work. Sometimes he takes my Abuela with him, sometimes he doesn't. But I remember that every time he took a plane to a different country he made it his mission to take a pit stop to the stars just to see Daddy and I for a few hours. We'd spend the whole day doing fun stuff together as a little family. Because of his traveling, he's learned many languages and can speak English very well.
"How have you been?" He questions while leading me down the stairs. I force in a breathe but it immediately turns into a shaky one.
"Lately or do you mean in general?"
"Ahhh...I sense alot of frustration. Come, let's have some wine and talk." He offers towards the kitchen.
"Wine?" I chuckle. I can't believe he's offering me whine but I almost forgot that most countries allow children to drink whine at this age or even younger. "Abuelo I can't."
Abuelo frowns at my rejection but grabs two whine glasses anyways. I take a seat at the small cafe style table next to the sliding doors that gives a view of their beautiful backyard and pool. Abuelo sits the wine glass in front of me and pours only halfway before filling his cup to the top.
"Seriously, why not?"
"I-I think I have a drinking problem." I inform. A hefty laugh erupts from his chest, making me feel super awkward.
"You're puerto rican sweetheart! We love to drink! Drinking is in our bones, it's fine."
"Wait? For real?" I frown at the fact. He takes a seat and gulps down a quarter of his drink.
"Absolutely! Have you not been to a party yet? Didn't your Abuela throw one when you got here?" I slowly nod and slowly reach for the whine. Fuck it. With the hell I'm going through right now, I definitely need it.
"Now, tell me what's going on," he urges before taking another sip. I guzzle mine down and grab the bottle to pour more myself. I fill it up to the top this time and for some reason that earn pride from my grandfather. I don't care about though really, I just need some type of buzz in my system.
"I came here to figure out who I am. I mean, what better way than to dig into your roots right?"
"Absolutely," he nods firmly while pouring himself another glass.
"Well, this trip has gone to shit."
"Oh no," he shakes his head.
"Oh yes," I mumble sadly. That awful dread feeling comes tumbling back so I slam down my drink again. It's so comforting talking to him even if I haven't seen him for years. Oddly, it's like talking to my father except my papi probably wouldn't let me get drunk while I vent.
"I'm in love with someone..."I start off. "Like, jump off a cliff if you lose them, kind of love."
"Oh! When will I get to meet her?" He smiles with excitement.
"Soon, but that's not the issue." I pause, and clear my throat for what I'm about to say. I probably wouldn't be able to say it if I weren't a little tipsy right now. "The issue is that she's my stepsister."
I sit back and wait for Abuelo's reaction. At first his face was blank but it morphed into shock in complete slow motion. He stops me from pouring myself another drink and shakes his head at me.
"Have you lost your mind?"
"No, I haven't actually." I state with complete confidence. "I love her. I don't care what anybody has to say about it anymore."
Abuelo nods and removes his hand from off of mine. Then I continue,
"Last year we lost our baby." He gasps.
"I'm so sorry to hear."
"Me too," I groan as I gulp down half of my fourth gasp. "After that I...I don't know I just lost it. I partied hard and made sure I got drunk every time. I like to tell myself that I did it just to have a good time but...I know I did it to fix the pain. But nothing can fix the pain of losing a baby Abuelo...even right now."
"Nothing," he agrees nodding firmly. "You know, I lost a son once."
"Really?" I gasp with a heavy heart. My Abuelo closes his eyes gently and nods his head slowly,
"He lived a good life and he created the most beautiful granddaughter I have."
"Abuelo..."I trail sadly once realizing he's talking about my Dad.
"I think about Henry everyday. He was a great man! So proud...I'm very proud of him. He created the life he always wanted and let nothing stand in his way. Not the people around him or temptations," he lifts the bottle of wine and gives it a shake to let me know what he means. "Because he knew he was better than that."
"Am I?"
"You're young, you still have so much to figure out. But I believe you are. Your father does too," he swiftly points above us. "He's here, this is his home. He's glad you've come and he's always watching over you."
"Yeah," I chuckle softly, heavily disappointed in myself. "That's embarrassing then."
"Why?" He asks. I suddenly feel the alcohol hit me hard. My cheeks are little warm and my neck forcing me to lazily braid down my hair over one shoulder. I could feel my body swaying with every move I make, yet I still reach for my glass.
"I've cheated on Emma over and over again." I slur. "It wasn't intentional but I still did it. During this trip we've gotten closer but I'm losing her at the same time. I deserve it."
"Nobody deserves that!" He scolds!
"I do!" I snap back. "Mom was pregnant and I felt bad so I kept telling Emma over and over to just get rid of it. She wouldn't and then I started a fight at school and Emma, just my luck, was in the crossfire. Thats how she lost the baby and I painfully got my wish. That was karma. Everything that escalated to that point was my fault."
"Bella–"
"Now we're here. A place where we don't have to hide and finally mend what's been broken, our foundation, but my karma strikes again!" I chuckle deliriously. "We brung our bestfriends and turns out mine have feeling for me. She's been a jealous bitch this entire trip but I'm trying not to lose her."
"Do you love her?"
"Of course I do! But not the way she wants me to. I can't–I–she kissed me. Emma saw it and she wants to go home. Something is telling me that I can't get her forgiveness, not this time."
"Well," Abuelo sighs heavily. "Just talk to her one last time. At least you can say you tried. After all, she is stunning, I can understand your obsession."
My drunken mind finally realizes that Abuelo isn't looking at me anymore. He's assessing the bland standing behind me with her hand gripping to back of my chair. I don't know how long she's been listening but I don't feeling arguing either.
"I'm going to give you two a moment." He announces. As he rises from his seat, slowly due to his age, he slides the bottle over to me. The moment he's gone, I lift the bottle to my lips only for it to be snatches away from me.
"Stop." She demands. I whine and sulk in my seat. I really, really do not want to do this right now. "You could've just told me."
"Emma please–"
"No," she interrupts coldly and naturally takes a seat in my lap. I gently rub my face hoping it would clear my head but I just can't process right now at all. "You promised you wouldn't lie anymore. And no more drinking."
"I'm not–I was–He–ughh! I'm not drunk."
"Bull shit." She scoffs, setting down the bottle.
"I'm tipsy there is a difference."
"Regina you can hardly keep your eyes open." She points out. I sit up a bit and she scrounges her face. "And I can smell the wine in your breath."
"I only had like 4 or 5?" I question to myself. Emma shakes her head leans back into me like I'm her safe haven. Me climbing out of bed must've woken her up. It's like she's addicted to the warmth from my body and my body alone no matter how pissed she is at me.
"Five is your lucky number. It's the tip of the iceberg." She reminds softly. I groan again, feeling a little dizzy so I try my hardest not to make another move. "So what happens now? You gonna go fuck Zelena? Or maybe you want a crack at Robin for adventurous purposes. She's blonde so it would make sense."
"Wha–no! What the fuck?!" She shrugs casually and hugs her chest.
"It's your cycle."
"I KNOW! Alright?!– I'm sorry, I'm just not in the mood right now."
"Right, because you're drunk and frustrated." She states coldly. She stands to leave me alone but I pull her back down and hold her tight so that she doesn't go anywhere. I don't want her leave. The moment J let her, she won't come back.
"I didn't know who to kill, you or her." She continues. "I think I should go back home."
"Emma come on. I need you here, I don't want you to go." I beg.
"Don't do that."
"Do what?"
"You know I can't deny you." She shakes her head at me. And the tears build. "I need to go, don't make me stay."
"You're gonna go home and then what? What happens when mom and dad ask why you came back?"
"I tell them." She blurts, causing me to almost throw up from the way I quickly sit up. It must be my drunk ears.
"What?"
"I tell them I caught you kissing Zelena and that's all it took. My big sister broke my heart...again and again and again."
"Em–no. It's not supposed to go down like this. Not like this, please." She shakes her head again. The tears stream down her eyes once again.
"They're going to separate us. Which is good. If we keep living together we're going to fall right back in each other's beds."
"Can't we just..."
"Just what?"
"I don't know!" I sob. Honestly I don't want to cry. Do I deserve to be crying right now? Why am I even crying? It's not like I can feel a damn thing.
"This...is me saying goodbye Regina." She forces out. She places a gentle kiss on my lips and shakes her head. "Trust me it's hard for me too but this is not healthy for either of us. It's not and you know it."
"Fine." I force out, through the nausea. "Just go then Emma. I'm not going to beg anymore just do what you want."