Neither Sara nor Tegan knew how to respond. Both had expected something more along the lines of being told to remain apart, asked to reassure it will never happen again, forced into promises of avoiding being alone together. Sitting so close together while holding hands in front of Aura, directed to do so by Aura, was not even a remote possibility either had ever entertained. Now she was staring at them expectantly, waiting for one of them, either of them, to participate. Tegan knew this was on her, as Aura was her girlfriend, and Sara was still calming from her anxiety attack.
"Why are we holding hands?" she blurted out the only thought she could make into a coherent sentence.
"I was hoping it might help you two to, like, relax each other? Be there for each other?" Aura meant to state her answer, but it came out more like a question. "If it's making anything worse, please feel free to sit however you want. But I want you both to see me seeing you. To see that it's okay if I see you. However you two are." Tegan tilted her head slightly, but Sara just blinked repeatedly, both trying to process what they were being told.
"Are you- I thought- what do you mean?" Tegan stumbled over her words as she stumbled over her thoughts.
"I mean it's okay. I told you, I need trust and honesty," Aura spoke as she took Tegan's other hand in her own. "Forcing you to hide part of yourself isn't really conducive to that, don't you think?" It was Tegan's turn to blink. Aura took the moment to turn to Sara and take her free hand in her other, completing the circle. "I love you both. I don't believe people can 'fix' others, that we can only do that stuff for ourselves. But people can support each other. And I've seen how much this is hurting you both. I hope to help convince you that those bad thoughts are what's wrong, not either of you." She squeezed both of their hands to emphasize her words, then let them go and leaned back in her chair.
"So you don't... Like, you're okay with...what happened...happening again?" Tegan's voice was barely above a whisper. She couldn't say the words yet, but she needed to be clear on what she was hearing.
"I don't want to be lied to," Aura smile softly to soften her words. "I don't want to feel like I'm going crazy because I don't understand what's going on in my own life. I don't want to lose either of you or what I have with either of you. Beyond that, I think I'm good." She ended with a small shrug. Tegan opened her mouth, but her stomach interrupted her, grumbling loudly. It tore through the tension in the air, and within moments, all three were laughing.
"I guess that's my opinion," Tegan chuckled.
"And I completely agree," Aura added. "I'll go get something started. You two...do whatever." She gave the slightest wink and nonchalantly walked to the kitchen, while the two women on the couch looked at her like she had grown a third head out of the second she grew earlier.
"What...the fuck," Sara finally spoke. Tegan just nodded without looking away from the kitchen doorway.
"Hey, Sara," Aura started back into the living room, but stopped once she saw that their faces were still plastered with confusion and jaws agape. Trying not to laugh through her serious question, she asked, "Do you think you can eat a sandwich? Or do you still need something like crackers?" The reminder of Sara's weakened stomach seemed to snap them out of their confused trances.
"Uh, sandwich is fine," Sara managed. Aura just nodded and went back to the kitchen, still amused. "Your girlfriend is...fucking something else," she said as they finally looked at each other.
"I know, right? I love it," Tegan half beamed, as she was still sorting through too many thoughts and feelings about what was said.
Noises from the kitchen indicated Aura was still preparing their food, which was intentional on Aura's part. She wanted to avoid bursting in on them again, just in case anything did happen while she was out of the room, but for their sakes, not her own. The three of them seemed to be making progress, and the last thing she wanted was anyone to rush out in pain and heartache or to have to pray to the porcelain gods again.
The small distance between Tegan and Sara slowly grew heavy in their minds as both of their eyes started to flick between the other's lips and eyes. With a quick check to the kitchen doorway and no break in the sounds coming from there, Tegan let her lips gently rest over Sara's for a brief moment. The noises in the kitchen stopped, and they pulled apart swiftly as though they had been caught again, but Aura hadn't entered the room yet. Again for their benefit, she started speaking from the kitchen as she went toward the doorway, so they could hear her voice growing closer.
"What did you guys want t-" Aura started.
"I kissed her!" Tegan interrupted her, almost in one word. Aura was only a couple steps into the living room but momentarily froze in her path from the unexpected outburst. It seemed like an eternity to the twins, but after a couple seconds Aura responded.
"...Okay," she nodded once along with her word. "What do you guys want to drink?"
"Just now. When you were in the kitchen," Tegan rambled fast. Sara willed that the couch would open up and swallow her, as her face grew redder and hotter behind her hand that shielded her like an ostrich with its head in the sand.
"Okay," Aura gave another single nod, hoping to get her point across. "What do you guys want to drink?"
"It was just a peck. I did it. I started it. It was me. But it happened," Tegan continued, earning a quiet groan from Sara. With a deep breath, Aura sat back in the chair, knowing she wasn't going to get her question answered at the moment.
"Tegan. Breathe," she guided. "Do you tell Sara about every time you kiss me?"
"No?" Tegan responded confused. Sara peeked out from behind her hand, guessing where this was going but still astonished.
"Do you hide kissing me from Sara? Or is it okay if we do like a quick 'hello' kiss when she happens to exist nearby?" Aura tried to get the lightbulb to turn on over her girlfriend's head, but it just wasn't happening.
"No hiding. It's fine..." Tegan said just as confused.
"That's how I feel about if you two happen to kiss. I don't need a report, but I don't need it hidden. If either of you have some burning need to tell me...whatever you feel the need to tell me, that's fine. I'm okay with that, too. I want the weird feelings and the bad feelings to go away, so it's okay to do what we need to do to get there. But it's not necessary on my end," Aura explained. "This is also why I suggested we talk about rules. I think it'd help all of us to be on the same page, and I really think it'd help you two neurotic asses," she quipped, attempting to lighten the mood. Having gotten used to Aura's humor over the past several months, it earned a quiet chuckle from both sisters. The laugh from Sara especially pleased Aura, as they had barely spoken since she arrived. "Now. What the fuck do you want to drink?" Her question was laced with more teasing jest, bringing out more laughter.
"A whole bottle of wine," Sara answered shyly, but trying to banter back. From the jokes when they first met, it had quickly become one of their most common ways to bond, much to Tegan's chagrin as it remained at her expense frequently. As distressing as the past 24 hours had been, Sara was missing her friend, and her friend seemed to be missing her, too.
"Unfortunately, you've already hit your puke quota of the day. Can I interest you in some orange juice, Coke, or water?" Aura kept the ball rolling. Tegan snorted trying to keep her laugh in. Turning her attention to her girlfriend, Aura added, "And who are you laughing at? Do you think that epic word vomit doesn't count toward your own puke quota?" It was Sara's turn to cackle, and she quickly covered her mouth when the first sound was louder than she expected. Tegan just laughed more. She would normally huff and act offended as part of the joke, but right now she was too happy that everyone seemed to be getting back to their groove.
"I'll have a Coke. I don't think I got any caffeine from the coffee before..." Sara trailed off but kept her grin.
"Coke for me too, please," Tegan agreed. Aura nodded and got up as Tegan continued, "I didn't sleep well or enough or something."
"Really?" Aura questioned, nearing the kitchen again, but glanced back to watch her bomb drop. "But you two looked so cute all snuggled up and spooning." She finished just as she passed the doorway out of sight, leaving two jaws back on the floor.