AN: Thank you to my girls for everything they've done for this story. As usual, there was tinkering, so any remaining mistakes are my own.

Musical inspiration: Starlight by Muse.

Hold you in my arms
I just wanted to hold
You in my arms

CHAPTER 28. The Envelope

~o~

NOW

~o~

The Capitol Hill Apartment. Seattle, Washington. Wednesday, December 4th, 2013

Bella sits on her bed, her legs bare and sticking out of Edward's hoodie. He is already up and in the shower. They got back late from the concert, and he passed out on her bed.

In her hands is the envelope, the one Bella's mother gave her when she showed up unannounced at Charlie's house the week before her high school graduation. Bella has had it with her the whole time, but she never opened it.

After the conversation with Dr. Zafrina the previous day, Bella decides it is time.

"Hey, everything okay?" Edward stands at her bedroom door, dressed and ready to go. Bella looks up at him with a sniffle that causes Edward's eyebrows to scrunch in worry and rush to where she is perched on the bed. "What's wrong?"

"It's nothing," Bella says, wiping her tears and trying to smile at him. "I'm fine. You have to go." He's been in a rush this morning, and he seems nervous too—maybe about work or something else—so she doesn't want to worry him with this.

"Bella…" He pushes a finger under her chin to make her look at him. "I can stay for a while if you want me to."

"I'm really fine, I swear. It's just…" She waves the envelope at him, and he nods in understanding, sitting next to her on the bed .

"Is that Charlie's letter?" he asks softly, wrapping an arm around her. She can see the fingers of his other hand form a tight fist over his thigh.

"No, no… it's not." She reaches for his hand, wrapping her fingers around it, trying to soften the fist. As he realizes what she is doing, or perhaps that she has caught him, he loosens the fist with a deep breath. "I don't know why I kept this from you, really; it makes it a bigger deal than it needs to be."

She looks at the envelope again and then back up at him. He eyes her in confusion.

"Remember when Renee showed up at Charlie's house before high school graduation?"

Edward nods but remains quiet.

"She gave me this. She said it had her contact information if I ever wanted to reach out to her."

Edward's eyes peek at the envelope but then make it back to Bella's. His eyes show anger at first, but then they match the sadness in hers.

"Do you want to contact her?" Edward's arm tightens around Bella's shoulder in support.

"I don't know. I want to start by opening the envelope, see what she had to say then."

"Okay." He nods in encouragement, even going as far as smiling at her, showing her that he is there for her, whatever she wants to do. As he has been all the time.

Bella smiles at him too, while her eyes fill up with tears. "I really am okay, and I know you have to go. I also think… maybe I need to do this by myself? It's fine, really."

Edward looks at the time on his phone and sighs. "Are you sure?"

"Positive." She inches closer to him and plants a kiss on his lips. When she opens her eyes, he still doesn't look convinced. "I promise you. I'll be okay."

He kisses her and rests his forehead on hers with a deep exhale. "God, I hate leaving you like this."

"Just go to work and rush back to me, okay?"

"Okay." He nods, raising from the bed. He takes one last look at her and then he's gone.

Bella takes a deep breath and carefully opens the envelope.

In it, there's a piece of paper and a card. The paper contains bank account information that lists Bella as the account holder. The card contains Renee's address in Arizona and a cell phone number.

Bella inspects the back of both the card and the piece of paper. There are no other words. No handwritten love note. No apology. Nothing.

Bella starts laughing then, with tears still flowing from her eyes.

So many times Bella imagined, fantasized almost, what the envelope contained. A long ass apology saying how Renee's life was just as miserable for having left her daughter behind. But after all of those years, Renee still had nothing to say to her.

Bella grabs her phone from the bed, dialing the number at once.

It rings as few times before she answers. "Hello? Bella?"

"Hello, Renee," Bella says as she paces through her room.

"Oh my goodness, Bella! Thank you for calling me back. How are you? I heard about Ch—"

"Listen," Bella finally speaks, even surprising herself with the newfound authority of her tone. "I want you to stop calling me. I, too, have nothing to say to you. Except maybe one thing: I am okay. I have been okay, no thanks to you. And I will be fine after all, without you. So…"

"Bella…"

"Maybe you were right, and I was better off without you, and so was Charlie. I don't need you reaching out to me, stirring shit up in me again. I don't want to talk to you, and I don't want to see you. Please, respect that."

"O-Okay, Bella. I'm sorry."

"Me too," Bella says and hangs up. Then with a deep breath, she flops on her back on the bed.

~o~

As the day goes by, Bella feels better and better with her decision to cut Renee out of her life for good. It feels like a weight has been lifted off her shoulders, and she can move on with her life. The closed envelope weighed a ton, but now knowing how empty it really was, it didn't seem to hold her back anymore. It is powerless to do so.

Bella texts Dr. Zafrina, telling her she was right as usual. Then she texts Edward, telling him she can't wait to see him tonight.

She distracts herself with work, thankful to have a few lessons scheduled throughout the day at the academy.

When Edward finally arrives, Bella is on the couch with her guitar, trying out some new songs she has written. She looks up at him, and the worried expression on his face contrasts the relief she feels inside.

"You okay?" He closes the distance in a few steps, literally rushing to her, just as he promised her he would earlier that morning.

"Yes," she says earnestly, setting the guitar down as her face stretches in happiness. She lifts both arms up in his direction, her hands gesturing for him to come closer.

He smiles a bit, confused, but obliges. "God, I was so worried!"

"I'm okay." She pulls his lips to hers as soon as he sits down next to her, but he breaks the kiss when she leans back.

"Do you want to talk about it though?" He eyes her suspiciously, pulling back, his eyes still full of worry. "How did it go? Did you talk to her?"

"C'mon… the roommates aren't home." She grabs him by the neck of his shirt and pulls him to her until their foreheads touch.

"Bella…" He groans against her lips, and she sighs, resignation washing over her. She's going to have to talk about this with him.

"The envelope was empty," she simply says. "There were no love notes, no apology. Nothing. Empty. Just like her."

"I'm sorry." He rubs his fingers on her face as the crease in his forehead deepens.

"The thing is… I just felt so… relieved. That envelope was holding me back with just the possibility of what could be in there, and it turns out it was nothing. She has been holding me back my whole life." She raises a hand to him, her thumb rubbing over his cheek. "But I'm done letting her have that power over me. And I'll work on it everyday if I have to, so I don't become her."

"You're nothing like her, Bella. You know that, right? You're not."

Bella shrugs. "I called her, spoke my truth. Told her to stop calling me. And that was that. I've been feeling pretty fucking relieved ever since. Like this big weight I was dragging has been cut loose. And it feels great."

He nods at what she is saying but looks down.

"Why do you still look worried? I really am okay."

He chuckles but shakes his head. "I just… I'm so fucking proud of you, of all the progress you've made, of how you're handling things…"

"Why do I feel a 'but' coming up?"

He rests against the back of the couch, looking up at the ceiling, and takes a deep breath. "All the signs were there for me all along. I should have realized that's why you were pushing me away. I shouldn't have let you. I…" He runs his hands over his face.

"You couldn't have done anything, Edward." She peels his hands from his face. "Do you not know how stubborn I am?" she asks jokingly, but he is anything but playful. He stares down at his hands, his fingers clasped over his knees. "Hey"—she reaches for his arm, pulling him until he looks at her—"Talk to me."

"I should have pushed you to get help sooner. I could have been there for you while you did it. I would have saved us a lot of pain and regret."

"Edward, stop." She grabs his face in both hands. "Please, stop thinking about it that way. Why torture yourself with 'what if's? Be here and now with me."

"I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

"Dr. Zafrina is always telling me the past belongs in the past. We learn from it and move on… or something. I think she got it from a fortune cookie."

At her joke, his face relaxes, and the mood lightens. "So you're really okay?" He smiles sweetly at her, inching closer.

There's still something off in his eyes, but she lets it go and goes along with his deflection.

He brings his lips to hers, moving on top of her while she leans back. Her feet go on the couch so that he's between her knees. "I really am okay."

"Yeah?" His arms are on her sides as he holds himself above her, his hair falling onto his forehead. His smile is devious as he presses himself on her.

"Even better now that you're here." She runs a hand in his hair, and then closing it around his neck, she pulls him to her.

He deepens the kiss, his fingers peeking into her shirt and then roaming over her ribcage, reaching for her back and the clasp of her bra. Bella rolls her hips against him, aching for friction, and he moans into her mouth.

Her hands run over his chest and down his abs until they reach the waist of his pants, when the door flings open again and in come Jazz and Alice.

Edward groans against her neck, sitting up, subtly grabbing one of the cushions and setting it on his lap.

Bella sits up as well, running a hand over her face.

"Aye, it's like they're going through puberty again!" Jazz says to Alice, waving them off and heading for his room, while Alice just shakes her head at them with a quick laugh, making her way to her room as well.

"We really need our own place." Edward huffs next to Bella, dropping his head back on the couch with a chuckle.

"We really do." Bella giggles next to him.

As their laughter dies down, she stares at him until he looks at her. "Have you given it any thought?"

"To what?" he asks, but the serious look in his eyes tells her he already knows what she's going to say.

"Selling Charlie's house. Buying something for ourselves." She brings her legs up on the couch so that she's kneeling next to him with her hands resting over her knees.

"Yes. I have given it some thought. Have you?" Edward sits up next to her, moving the cushion that was on his lap to the side.

"Yeah…"

"It's a really big decision, Bella." He reaches for her hand and wraps his fingers around it.

"Are you not sure about the studio?"

"Oh, I'm sure," he says without hesitation. "I just would hate for you to regret it later."

"Why would I regret it? Would you?"

He looks down at their hands as he says the next words. "Regret spending your dad's money on building my dream business?"

"Well, that's not how I see it at all."

He doesn't say anything, and he still looks down, so using the hand he is not holding, she pushes her fingers under his chin, making him look at her. "First of all, it wouldn't be my dad's money. It's our money that we would be spending together. And I guess you can sense the theme here, but it also wouldn't be your dream business, but mine too… ours. He would be so fucking proud."

His eyes pierce hers, and she can see her own reflection in the seas of green.

"What if I told you there's a record label interested in our demo?"

"Who?" Her eyebrows raise in confusion. She knows he's been circulating the demo, but most people have passed on it.

"Volturi Records."

"Oh?"

"I think they've worked with Madonna or something at some point." Edward waves his hands. "The guy… Aro… wants to meet you. He says they've drafted a contract already. Want to sign on the spot. I met with him this morning."

"What?" What he is saying sounds so good she can't understand why his face doesn't match the excitement she feels inside. This could finally happen. For them. "That's good, right?"

"Yeah… it's great."

"You don't sound too convinced. What is it?"

"They're a major record label. Not exactly our style. But I mean, it's a great opportunity. At least we should hear them out. Especially if it means you don't have to sell your dad's house."

Ah, there it is.

"Wait a minute. This isn't either or… I still want to do the studio with you."

"Bella…" He pinches his nose, elbows on his knees.

"I'm really serious about it, Edward."

"So am I. But we couldn't do both. This will be at least a year-long contract. Recording, music videos and what not, some promotion stuff for sure. It's going to be busy."

"Okay… then we do the studio afterward."

His fingers rake his hair, and he drops his head back on the couch, staring at the ceiling. His shoulders are tense. His jaw clenched. But he says nothing.

"Is there something you're not telling me? Why are you not excited about this?"

As if on command, he relaxes, taking a long breath. When he lifts his head from the couch, he has composed his face. "I'm sorry," he says. "Let's talk to the guy first to see what you think, okay?"

The smile he gives her doesn't touch his eyes, and she gets that feeling in her stomach again—something is up. He is in her neck then, peppering kisses while his hands rub over her thighs.

"I have to leave in an hour," he says, kissing her collarbone as his hands loop under her legs. "I'll probably stay at the studio tonight." With her hoisted on his hips, he gets up from the couch.

She knows what he is doing and hates that it's working. Her body responds to his, and she aches between her legs for him.

"Is everything okay though?" She pulls on his hair at the back of his neck, bringing his face up and his lips on hers as he stumbles to her bedroom.

"It will be in a minute, once I'm inside of you." He sucks her bottom lip into his mouth, gently biting on it. She pushes the door closed with her foot and giggles into his chest as they drop clumsily on the bed.

He wastes no time in peeling her clothes off of her, and in the next second, he's naked as well and on top of her. They both look at each other as Mariah Carey's "All I Want For Christmas" starts blasting from Jazz's room.

"Well, that's a boner-killer." Edward laughs through his nose, bringing his mouth to Bella's neck with a growl. "But at least now you can be loud."

~o~

AN: I think it's fair to say Jazz is ready for Edward and Bella to move out LOL. Anyone have any guesses on what's up with Edward? Four chapters left. See you Monday!