Sakura wondered how many of the others saw it – the unnaturalness of the entire situation before them. The eerie way she and her soulmate were drawn to each other and how they always tried to follow each other with their gazes alone, each of their stares so very burning and piercing. Like a dragon's flames, her mind whispered. Her stomach twisted, whispered words and echoed reminders coming to haunt her then as she walked down to breakfast, hand in hand with the one she hated to love. She would ruin him, she knew with every fibre of her being. There was no way she couldn't ruin her perfect soulmate. And yet she couldn't let him go. She had her claws sunk into him, and they refused to budge, and she was basking in such a sensation. She would bask in that sliver of happiness she seemed to have found for as long as she could before being ousted as the monster she was.
Ever since Elrohir had confronted her, eager to reveal and free Glorfindel from her dreadful clutches, she had pondered on how many saw their relationship for the unnatural one that it was. A relationship forged from the binding between two souls fated to be together. Not that any would think of such a thing because Ancalagon was dead and dragons were not meant to reincarnate as elves seemingly did. None could possibly come to such a conclusion that she was Ancalagon. Besides Elrohir now, that was. And the reminder of that elf who had the secrets in the palm of his hand and the weight of her empty threat being the only thing keeping them concealed in the dark where Sakura longed they would stay for a while longer had her feeling that terrible dread which always felt as though it were dogging her footsteps with an unnatural eagerness. Those secrets had to stay buried. So that the promises whispered to her in the eaves of her mind didn't come to pass far too soon. There was that deep, dreaded fear which rose up to swallow her whole at the thought of that. The fear of something inevitable, she knew, no matter how she wished she could lie there in that blissful warmth and happiness she had found.
"Are you quite alright, Lothien?" Glorfindel asked, tilting his head then, staring down at her, curiosity and concern marring his brow. "You look quite pale… Did you not rest well?" he enquired, and Sakura felt only nervous at those words because of course she hadn't slept well, part of her fearing Elrohir would let slip her secrets and her threat would be revealed for the empty one it was. And the many consequences such a reveal would bring to the semblance of a life she had started to carve out for herself there.
A smile found its way onto her lips, plastic, fearful, and brittle as per usual. Pathetic. "I am fine," she said, fingers twitching at the long, soft, oddly fond sigh her soulmate let out at her admission. "There's no need for you to be concerned," she remarked, hairs on the back of her neck standing up on end at the pointed look he sent her way. You've ruined him, the voice whispered, and Sakura felt sick to the core at such a thought. For him to show concern over a dragon of all things, part of her explained, and Sakura pulled her gaze away from those grey eyes she longed to lose herself in.
"I find with you," Glorfindel said pointedly, "there is always something to be concerned over…"
Sakura smiled still, hating the way her soulmate's face fell at her continued smiling. Like he could tell how very fake it was. Her stomach growled, but her appetite dwindled – more so as they arrived at the communal dining area and she felt the stares settle upon them. Unlike the passing, curious glances from before their latest dragon hunt, they felt piercing and cutting. Dragon, they whispered in her ear, and fear and paranoia drowned out most other noises.
A hand closed around her upper arm, and Sakura blinked, meeting those grey eyes which peered down at her with, what by that point was an almost characteristic concern. "Lothien?" Glorfindel questioned, brows drawn together as his concern grew into something far more palpable. "We can return to your rooms or perhaps go somewhere a little more private should you wish it so?" he offered, ignorant of the way those words had her stomach twisting as those other stares bore into her. But if she vanished then and there with her beloved soulmate, then she could imagine the rumours and the whispers upon how strange their relationship was. The thought of that happening was like a punch to the gut, because her world – the world she had tried to build for herself in that place – was slowly beginning to crumble down around her.
"I am fine," she murmured, taking a few deep breaths to steady herself in that place in which she would undoubtedly become reviled sooner rather than later. "Nothing to worry about. Besides, Noeneth is right there," she said, nodding her head towards where the elleth sat, speaking and eating alongside other elves. Her toes curled up within the soft slippers she wore, that greedy, possessive part of her stirred by the sight of others around her so-called elven friend. She wouldn't be friends with her for much longer. Sakura could almost taste it in the air. Her impending demise. It made her feel sick. Ill. It made her want to curl beneath her bedsheets and hide from the world.
Glorfindel sighed deeply, relinquishing his grasp on her arm then in favour of dragging her from the hall by her hand. "Why must you always claim yourself to be fine when everything else suggests otherwise?" he asked, and Sakura could only stumble behind him, shorter legs struggling to keep up with his larger strides. "I… do not like it when you act like this…" he said, frowning even as he continued walking onwards to a destination Sakura had no clue as to. Though they were undoubtedly headed for somewhere more private than that which their current situation allowed, what with the eyes tracking them as they walked through the long corridors of the main house of Imladris.
She could feel them much more acutely by that point in time. Eyes, and their stares. Gazes which felt as though they pierced through the pretty shell she wore and into the ugliness beneath. "I am perfectly fine though," she claimed, knowing that was a filthy lie. Her soulmate knew that much too. "Why wouldn't I be?" she asked, also knowing her soulmate wouldn't know the answer to that, what with how much the answer to that tied into the truth of what she was. A truth Glorfindel was still, thankfully, oblivious to.
"There are many answers I could give," he said, jaw clenching. "Though none, I suspect, would be correct in their entirety." His shoulders slumped at that, even as she found herself ushered through a door at her soulmate's insistence. "We can stay here for a while… as long as you so wish. There are few who will disturb us here," he explained, waving around the large room with a casual air, and Sakura felt her stomach drop to her toes at the sight set before her.
Golds and creams. That was what she noticed first, along with how ostentatious everything seemed at first glance. The amount of work which had to have gone into the embroidery, tapestries, and the few paintings decorating the walls was undoubtedly a lot. Telling of his status there in the House of Elrond. Her stomach twisted, toes curling within their slippers as her gaze darted nervously about the room, eyeing up the bed, the bookshelves, the desk, and the sofas she was being guided over towards.
"Is it alright for me to be here?" she asked, because they were undeniably his rooms, and part of her wondered how many of the unspoken laws and customs of elven etiquette they were breaking. Probably a lot, if her gut feeling was anything to go off. Sakura wondered if either of them particularly cared for those laws and customs in that instant. She rather doubted they did, what with that intangible, inexplicable bond between them drawing them together. Sakura wished she could simply happily let it bind them together forever and ever, but she was a creature of evil, or so she reminded herself then and there. Her soulmate was something bright and good. She could not mar him merely by trying to stand next to him. You break everything you touch, the voice reminded, ever haunting her, there to inevitably remind her of her failings and all the ways in which she failed to match up to the standards her soulmate had set.
Glorfindel turned to her then, blinking owlishly as he looked between her and his rooms before smiling brightly. "I do not see a problem," he declared, and Sakura could only blink dumbly in response before she shrugged and figured she might as well roll with it. Greedy, the voice whispered, and Sakura seated herself down, feeling terribly out of place amidst the bright room which so obviously contained everything her soulmate loved. "What would you like for breakfast?" he asked then, and Sakura shifted at the strangely normal question. Not that she thought her normal was so very normal to others. She was a dragon after all. "I will venture down to the kitchens to procure something, given how we will not be dining in the main hall."
"I can come with you," she said far too quickly, part of her disliking the idea of being left alone in her soulmate's golden room. She was a dragon. Part of the terrible species who loved gold, and the last thing she wanted to do was attempt to hoard anything belonging to her soulmate. The fact she wanted to add her soulmate to her currently non-existent hoard should have spoken volumes about the temptation she would face if left alone in a room of golden things which also belonged to the one she so longed for. "I would hate to be a burden…"
He frowned. "How in any way would you remaining here be a burden?" he asked, shaking his head then, and Sakura didn't dare speak up. "I will bring a selection up," he decided, nodding to himself, decision made. "You must stay here…"
Sakura blinked, but he was already gone on his way to the kitchens. She wasn't certain of the way to the kitchens, nor did she want to become lost by walking around, and so staying there in that room it was. Even if there were those strange instincts warring within her. She sat on the sofa stiffly, trying to ignore her dragonish urges if only because she hated them so. Her hands grasped a hold of the nearest pillow – cream embroidered with a pretty golden thread in the shape of some sort of flower. Celandine, part of her whispered, the name coming from something she had heard of before. Sakura pulled the cushion to her chest, cradling it there like it was something precious, relaxing almost instantly as she inhaled the wonderful scent she had grown far too used to. She was being far too greedy, and she knew it. But everything was already falling apart, and now she lived in fear because Elrohir knew of that which she was.
She clung to the pillow, focusing her efforts upon it, not wanting her attention to sway to other things like the soft throw blanket on the pale sofa, which part of her wanted nothing more than to snuggle within and hide herself from the rest of the world. Her shoulders sunk, feelings warring within her despite how cold she felt far too often in her chest when it came to the matter of Glorfindel and the obsession she seemingly had with him. What would you know of love? the voice whispered whenever she thought of her strange feelings towards the one she was supposed to be bound to due to some terrible cosmic error.
Time seemed to trickle by like a pendulum suspended in treacle, and Sakura could only cling to the pillow, adrift in a place where the noise didn't seem to reach her. A bubble, part of her mused even as she sat there, pillow crushed to her chest, the gold thread glinting in the light, and Sakura pushed down the rumble which wanted to rise in her throat. The throaty growl or purr she wanted to make at the soft sensation beneath her fingertips and the way the stitching was gold. She couldn't quite tell which one wanted to escape, even as she sat there, finding contentment with a pillow of all things. A pillow which belonged to her soulmate, which evidently made it so much more precious. It was better than the other pillows in her room there.
The door clicked open, the eerie silence which had surrounded her for too long vanishing in an instant as Glorfindel reappeared. Her heart leapt, light with joy yet heavy with the anticipation for the ending she dreaded. A smile bloomed on her face, and Sakura could only blink as a matching smile appeared on his own, and that gossamer thread she could feel linking them together tugged and tugged, and her heart ached that much more. Deceiver, the voice whispered. It was the same word she had heard all too often, ever a whispered reminder about the truth of the face she wore to hide the ugliness within.
"You were gone awhile," Sakura mumbled, peering over at him, even as he set down a tray procured with foodstuffs from the kitchen atop its surface. "Did you run into any trouble?" she asked, picking at some of the biscuits then, stomach swirling nervously as he seated himself down opposite her. Sakura ignored the part of her which longed to have him sit beside her. But if he did that, she would only probably try and reach out to touch him with her grubby hands or otherwise lay a claim upon him in some shape or form. She didn't want that. Though that was a lie – she did want to lay claim upon him, but she knew she had to refrain from right then and forevermore because her existence only served to make Glorfindel hurt in more ways than physical means. Grey met acrid green, and the whispers in her mind dulled to mere whispers. Sakura wondered how he could do that from eye contact alone. After all, she was a dragon and as such she would never be able to calm anyone simply by merely looking at them.
Yet another something which made her soulmate that much better and more brilliant than herself.
"I encountered Erestor and Elrond," Glorfindel remarked, the name of the lord of those halls rolling from his lips so smoothly. It was odd, how she hadn't fully appreciated how high of a status Glorfindel had amongst the elves there. Amongst his kin and her worst enemy. "I hope I did not keep you waiting too long," he said, sounding so terribly earnest, even as he took a few of the spiced biscuits from the pile she was nibbling from.
They soothed her stomach and its unrest somewhat. "Of course you didn't," Sakura said between her nibbles. Because she would wait for him until the end of Arda itself if that was what it took, unworthy as she was. He could never keep her waiting, if only because she was someone who didn't deserve any of his time, even if she was so greedily taking it up right then and there. Selfish, her mind whispered, and Sakura could only turn her gaze to the ground in shame at the reminder that she was on borrowed time.
"I am glad to hear that," he said, smiling even as silence fell for a short while, only interrupted by the sounds of them eating their way through their breakfast together. Though surprisingly enough it was her who broke the silence which had fallen between them. And what a comfortable silence it appeared to be from the outside, when ignorant to the tightrope she now walked.
"Are you all healed up now?" she asked, eyes narrowing on his chest then, a familiar anger rising within her at the thought of her soulmate trapped beneath the clawed foot of her kin.
Glorfindel smiled. "Of course," he said. "Otherwise I would not have been permitted to leave the Halls of Healing. I do not suffer from whatever affliction it is which renders our usual method of healing ineffective, as you do…" he added, ignorant of the way those words cut. Because being a dragon was hardly an affliction she could heal or get rid of. "Which is why I was able to breakfast with you today…"
"I am glad for it," Sakura murmured, a small smile which didn't feel quite as brittle as her usual ones appearing on her lips then. "After all, should you have needed to stay longer… well, that would've meant you were more injured than you appeared to be…" she trailed off, safe and content in the knowledge that the one who had harmed her precious soulmate was dead as a doornail. And she had been the one to ensure it. Not that it made her any more worthy of standing by his side as she so wished to.
"Then I will take that as the confirmation that you indeed enjoy my company," Glorfindel said, good cheer in his voice, and Sakura could only smile wistfully, ignoring the voice in the back of her head which asked, how much longer do you think he'll enjoy your own company? Her fingers spasmed at the reminder, and she grabbed one of the few remaining biscuits, nibbling on it then.
"I can't imagine there would be any who would dislike your company so," she mumbled, frowning at the thought of anyone not loving the sunshine and warmth her soulmate radiated in spades like the creature of everything good and light that he was. "You are lovely," she added, the words slipping from her lips before she could stop them, and Sakura hated the burning warmth she could feel which suffused her ears. She tore her eyes away from those grey ones then, cursing her absent brain to mouth filter. Lovely her soulmate might be, but that was just yet another reason to try and pull away from him. She ruined everything, after all. Her shoulders sunk, and she determinedly chewed on her spiced biscuit, wishing everything could have been much more normal.
His answering smile could have melted glaciers, and Sakura only felt the burn of tears in her eyes as she was reminded of what she was doing to him merely by existing. Guilty, she felt so very guilty. "Thank you," he said, and Sakura could only peer at him from where she had resumed hugging that cream and gold enlaced pillow to her chest in an attempt to quash the overwhelming desire she had to thread her fingers though those golden locks. Everything was far too golden and bright in that room. She was just a small, insignificant, terrible shadow compared to that.
She couldn't compare – there was practically nothing which could.