To all ships - False alarm. That screeching sound last night wasn't an enemy attack. It was Belfast yelling inside Enterprise 1's room. - Don't ask for details.

Admiral Hipper - We don't have an ethics committee. Even if we did, would you really believe Eugen is a member?

Akagi - It's fine to announce your affection, but please don't let it involve genitals. - Least of all mine.

Akashi - You are not allowed to recreate any experiment seen on Mythbusters. - Especially if you think you can "do it better."

Albacore - Submarines should not use their undersea capabilities to prank destroyers by recreating scenes from Jaws.

Belfast - Good to see that you two are happy with your current relationship, but could you please be happy in a quieter voice at night? I do not need to know the exact position you two are making while I'm trying to sleep.

Bremerton - Please stop teaching others how to perform the movements to the dance move known as twerking. Instead, why don't you try teaching them the steps of the safety dance?

Cleveland - Enterprise 1 is female, just like you. It's completely acceptable for women to feel affection to other women, but if you're just doubting your preferences, that doesn't mean you are in the "wrong" gender - For god sake, look down your pants and tell me what you see, because even I am getting doubtful now!

Deutschland - Stop with the Nazi propaganda. I have no interest. I'm going to start biling you for my therapy sessions.

Empress III - No matter if it is actually true or not, when asked what you'd like to eat for dinner, do not answer with "Soouuuls," before chasing everyone around with a giant spoon.

Enterprise 1 - When asked by the younger destroyers why Belfast was so loud last night, don't answer them that bluntly.

Graf Zeppelin - Sorry for not noticing that you've already exterminated about a quarter of the human population. We're too busy holding weddings and hunting bunnies.

Javelin - Do not use confetti to replace the ammunition within your 102 Milimetre cannons. - Or paper airplanes. - or beer bottles. - or Rats. - Or other shipgirls. - You know what, just don't replace your ammo with anything.

Kaga - You will be imprisoned for arranging gladiatorial arena combat between the SIREN and Unicorn. I may, however, reconsider this decision if you have a recording of the battles in VHS for me.

North Carolina - Hey, look at this little thing! It's called a fox! They actively eat bunnies! And it's going to be my personal pet from this point on, patrolling the base. Also, you did get rid of those bunnies when I told you to, right? Right?!

Laffey - Empress' antics are growing on you. You do not get to burn people for looking at you "funny." Apologize to North Carolina.

Prinz Eugen - The Azur Lane program will not cover any of the expenses used for your belly-dancing lessons. - Not even if you prove its usage during wartime. - I can't believe that actually worked.

Roon - Do not use my clothing as bribes against the other shipgirls. - Do not use my clothing as currency inside the base. - Stop stealing my underwear!

Taihō - When I wake up in the morning, I'd like to do so alone. And still dressed.

Unicorn - Heavy cruisers are not to be used as ammunition to play put-shot. - Congratulations on beating Arizona's record, though.

Tester β- Piranha grenades are not in development and won't ever be. They're not viable weapons. Please stop asking for them. - Yes, even if you killed a submarine by throwing fish at it.

Warspite - Despite the confusing name, Queen Elizabeth is not the Queen of anywhere. - Or king.

Zuikaku - I understand that you feel the need to one-up everything Enterprise 1 does, but attempting to beat her "seduction" record is right out. No harems - Not even if you include Shōkaku. - Especially if you include Shōkaku. - If you manage to convince Roon, Akagi or Taihō, however, that'll be fine.

Operative missive

To all operatives - Commander impersonators are henceforth banned. Especially if all you're trying to do is get laid with Taihō.

Astra - Go away, we already have a buyer. - Apparently, my Naval base has turned into a black market for nuke-dealers.

Very Loud guest - Granted. It's your funeral.

Cemalidor - Sheffield. Wasn't my idea, but at least I now know 70 different insults for the noun 'romance.'

Derrickfoo0 - Hold up, cease actions now! Do NOT send any of that this way, or there will be a reckoning among the shipgirls! - Considering the description of your identity, lets say that, completely hypothetical of course, you were, in secret, the emperor of the galactic empire, which totally doesn't exist, trying to subtly contact me from outer space, then I'd request another few years of silence until global domination, which isn't our true goal at all, is achieved. But all of that is irrelevant, either way!

Francis - I thank you for your contributions, but exactly what do you think will happen when the yanderes find out that their admiral is gone and their local spacehead has fled with a new prepared ship on his own address?

Grand duke of Luzon - Congratulations. You are now considered a warcriminal. Set foot inside this base and I'll tell Akagi that you own nude pictures of me. That is not an idle threat.

High command - That's what you get for thinking you could be me in battleship. I stand uncontested! Now if you'll excuse me, I think I owe a certain Iron blood cruiser a piece of my underwear.

House of Erebus - It's free. Allas, attending without crying will cost you. And not in currency.

Joshua Olejasz - What part of "Please provide our drinking water" includes placing blinding land mines around a fully active naval base in wartime?!

Local Pyromaniac - Why would Mainz drinking all the coffee be so unbelievable? Have you seen the amount of Vodka I ship in for Grozny each hour?! - They can't beat a Mainz high on coffee. No one can.

LoneRider09 - Please cease any attempts to take over Iron Blood. And take that ridiculous mustache of your face!

Playerultima - I could reprimand you for abusing SIREN technology. I could scold you for actually believing you could create items that are yandere resistant. I could do all of that, and Perhaps I should. But instead, I will simply demote you for making that horrible Enterprise joke, because now I will never be allowed to feel humour ever again.

Rear admiral Irving - Please inform me next time before commissioning a nuclear-powered, guided-missile cruiser with Reinforced armour, autoloading guns, Phalanx CIWS, and a interception helicopter. - Please stop bringing global governments for their wartime weapons...

Reinkasahi - Don't be so surprised, Belfast is still doing that. - Hmm? What was that? Fireworks? - NOOO!

Shadow Onyx - Dropping problematic people off in Antarctica might be an effective form of excommunication. Could you test that with the new Amagi as well? - Stop letting ships touch the cubes, we have enough clones as it is!

Shen1412 - loitering.

Some guy2283 - You want immunity against torture? Try commanding this base for a day, that'll grow some backbone.

The middle man2 - Please don't start a war with the entire Iron blood over a scroll. - Please don't drone the Sakura Empire. - Please don't conspire with the enemy. - Please don't bomb the naval base using explosive livestock. - I can't believe I actually have to ask these things, and can possibly receive no for an answer. Why is a single capitalist dealer given more resources than a global-wide naval base fighting an active war?!

The sane one - Well, then you're the first one they've stopped bullying. I'm still without my underwear.

The shadow of Zama - Have fun in prison. Just wait until you see the rats rodent musical! - ...That didn't sound right.

TouhouFanatic - Why exactly are you attempting to make the destroyers more 'malleable,' if not corruption?

Warcorgi - I have an even better idea! How about I place a restrain order between you, Albacore and Saratoga instead?!