Hi everyone! Sorry for the angst, things are getting a little better in this chapter. Enjoy!
February 2021
Sybil was right outside John's room, speaking on the phone, a somewhat merrier look on her face, when Anna stormed into the unit from the elevator. Red-faced and sweaty, she almost ran to Sybil, who hung up her phone and smiled to her:
- Oh, Anna, good news! If I may say so, but, yes, it's good news in the context.
She showed her hospital phone.
- I was just speaking to Thomas in ICU 3. I called him sooner and he was full, but he just called me back, one of his patients just passed. So there'll be a bed available in about an hour, time for the assistant nurses to make up the room.
It felt a bit weird to rejoice over someone's passing, but it did make Anna sigh with relief. John wouldn't have to go to Newcastle after all.
- Oh thank God, she exclaimed. Thank you Sybil!
She hugged her dark-haired friend.
- Well don't thank me, thank Thomas. And that poor patient who had the courtesy to die at a convenient time…
- Yeah. How creepy is that, to be relieved that someone's dead so we can get his or her bed…
They stayed silent for a short moment, until Anna said:
- I must go see him.
- Yes, of course. I'll be in the nurses' office, preparing the file for the unit transfer. Oh, and I need to cancel the ambulance, and call the Newcastle doctor.
Anna knocked lightly on the door and entered John's room. Her chest tightened when she saw the Optiflow crossing his face, but his breathing seemed to have quieted down a bit.
- Hey sweetie, she said softly, as she sat on the edge of the bed and took his hand in hers.
- Anna… I'm so sorry… I'm keeping you up every night… Like you hadn't got… enough work as it is.
- Hush, darling, it's alright.
- You'll be… strong while I'm away… I promise… I'll be back… very soon.
Anna's eyes filled with tears, and she squeezed his hand harder.
- Jesus, you don't know… Sybil hasn't told you yet?
- Told me what? he asked, surprised.
She smiled widely:
- You're not going anywhere.
- What?
- I mean, you're going to ICU, but here. A bed has become available in ICU 3. You won't be transferred.
John let out a little strangled laugh, as a tear ran down his cheek.
- Really? Oh thank God… I didn't want… to tell you… but… I was so scared.
- I know. I was terrified too, replied Anna. Looks like I'll be keeping an eye on you after all.
He smiled to her and opened his arms wide:
- Come here love.
She snuggled into his arms, and they enjoyed each other's warmth for a little while.
- I'm so sorry to put you through all this, he whispered.
- I'm sorry, it's my fault you're here in the first place.
- Don't say that, mo ghràd, it's not true.
For a few weeks, John had started teaching Anna a few Gaelic words, and sometimes used Gaelic terms of endearment, like this one, which meant "my darling". Anna pulled herself from his embrace, and looked at him, putting her hand on his cheek.
- What if we stopped being sorry for things we can't control, and started focusing on getting you through this and back home as soon as possible?
John nodded and agreed:
- Deal.
An hour and a half later, John was settled in his new room in ICU 3, and Dr Thomas Barrow was doing his first assessment.
- So, John Bates, is it?
The dark-haired and blue-eyed doctor was eyeing his new patient a little suspiciously.
- I'm told you're Anna's boyfriend?
- That's true.
- Anna's one of my oldest friends, so I hope you're worthy of her!
- Thomas…, snapped Anna, who was watching them, standing by the window.
- What is it Anna? he asked coyly. I don't remember you always having the best taste when it comes to men, so forgive me for making sure that guy's right for you.
- Well don't worry, he is, she stated, winking to John. So, I'd be grateful if you would take good care of him and return him to me in the best delay.
- Yes Ma'am, replied Thomas, doing a mock military salute. We'll do our best to keep you satisfied.
- And Anna, please, said John, go back home. See, Dr Barrow will look after me. You need to sleep.
Anna sighed and got up reluctantly.
- Alright…
She didn't like to leave him, but he was definitely right. She had accumulated so much of a sleeping debt lately, she felt she could collapse any time. And she was supposed to be on the night shift the following night…
- You too, get your rest, she said, kissing his hair. Thomas, she added, looking up to the doctor, call me if anything comes up. Any time.
- I will. See you later Anna.
- Thank you.
When Anna had left the room, Thomas looked to John and said pointedly:
- She's a dear friend to me, so don't even think of making me tell her bad news about you. If you dare die on me, I'll kill you dead.
John chuckled dryly. What an unconventional doctor.
- I promise I'll do my best. I guess you'll have to do yours too.
- I always do my best for my patients, Mr Bates, answered Thomas coolly, even when I don't like them.
- Well that's good to know, Dr Barrow.
x x x x
It was five o'clock in the morning when Anna finally let herself fall into her bed, after having taken another oxazepam pill. She could not afford to lose any more hour of sleep available. She slept fairly well given the context, and woke up at one o'clock in the afternoon. She called John, who was no worse than the night before, then Mary, and they agreed to meet later in the park with Timmy, George and baby Alicia. They knew it was forbidden to meet people outside of one's own household, but Anna sorely needed to speak to a friend and see her son. They had both already had Covid, and they would both wear a mask. Outdoors, the risk was really minimal. And if it came to it, they were both willing to pay the fine. So Anna crafted herself a quick snack, took a shower, and walked to the park. Her heart swooned when she saw Mary with the kids, and Timmy ran up to her and threw himself in her arms.
- Mummy!
- My darling! she exclaimed, humming his hair. I'm so happy to see you. Have you been good for Mary and Matthew?
- He's been very well-behaved, answered Mary.
- Where's John?! asked the boy. Why hasn't he come?
Anna's smile fell as she felt her throat tighten.
- He's sick, darling. He's in the hospital.
- Oh. Can I go see him?
- No, sweetie, I'm sorry. Children can't go. But, you can make a drawing for him, and I'll give it to him. OK?
The boy pouted a bit, but nodded:
- OK. But when will he come home?
- I don't know… Soon I hope.
Anna and Mary settled on a bench near the playground with Alicia in her stroller, while the boys ran and played around. Anna and Mary talked about John, and about the issues regarding Downton Abbey which was once again closed, and was beginning to face a bit of a financial struggle. They cooed to little Alicia, and Anna enjoyed giving her her afternoon bottle while Mary gave the boys their snack. For a short moment, it seemed to the two friends, that life was almost normal, save for the masks they were wearing. It made Anna feel better, and she was almost relaxed when they prepared to say goodbye two hours later. When they parted, Timmy asked Anna:
- Why am I not coming home with you?
Anna crouched in front of her son, and did her best to explain to him:
- I would love it darling, but I must go to work tonight, and you know John is not at home right now, I told you he is in the hospital. So you have to stay with Mary for a while. Alright?
The boy seemed to accept her reason, but his next question caught her off guard:
- Is John going to die?
Anna's voice hitched in her throat, and her eyes filled with tears that she tried very hard to hold back. She searched for the right words. How could one explain the uncertainty to a young child? She didn't want to make him feel how afraid she was, but she felt she couldn't outright lie to him either.
- I very much hope not, she managed. He has the best doctors looking after him.
- Aren't you looking after him? You're a doctor, no?
- Yes I am, but there was no place available in my unit, so instead he's with Dr Thomas, you remember, you met him once? The big guy, with dark hair and blue eyes? He let you ride on his back?
- Oh, yes, he was nice!
Thomas had always had a soft spot for children. Anna knew he and his partner Richard had been thinking of getting a child of their own through surrogacy, before the pandemic broke out.
- Well, he's a very good doctor too, and he is the one who is taking care of John.
- OK.
Timmy finally seemed satisfied, and he kissed his mother goodbye, before they parted to go back to Mary. Anna, on her side, was left alone to walk back to her apartment, and let out the tears she had managed to hide while Timmy was here.
x x x x
The next morning, when she left her night shift, Anna went to the staff medical service, where she had her appointment to receive her first vaccine shot. About a dozen members of the staff were waiting in line, and she took her place in the line, dozing for a few moments between each calling of a name. She startled when her phone rang in her pocket. It was Elsie.
- Hi Elsie, how are you?
- I'm alright, thank you very much. I was calling to let you know that Charlie and I have secured our vaccine appointment, next Thursday!
-Oh, God, that's great! I'm so happy!
Anna's heart swelled with happiness and relief. If she could at least stop worrying about the Carsons getting ill, that would lift a huge weight off her shoulders.
- I am too, we are so sick of living closed off! I think we're starting to go at each other's nerves, it's not good for both of us…
Anna chuckled.
- I guess so… Is Uncle Charlie still building stuff?
- Oh, I think he's planning on refurbishing the whole Abbey…
Anna laughed in earnest this time.
- So, Thursday, great. And the second one?
- Yes, it is booked to, I don't have the precise day in mind but it is.
- Good. As a matter of fact, I am myself waiting right now for my own shot.
- Oh, very good! You'll tell me how it goes. And how is John?
- Well, still in the ICU, but not worse. He's been stable for more than twenty-four hours now, so I hope it stays that way.
- OK, well, keep us posted dear.
- I will, I promise.
- Have a good day love.
- Bye Auntie Elsie, love you.
x x x x
When she had had her shot, Anna went back to ICU 3 to pay a visit to John.
- Hey sweetheart, she said as she entered the room.
- Good morning Anna love, how are you?
- I just had my vaccine shot! she beamed.
- Oh, good news!
- And you, how do you feel this morning?
- Well, tired. Sleeping in here, that's… an accomplishment in itself…
- Yeah, I know, tell me about it.
She went to check the Optiflow and saw that it was still on 20L, like it had been since his arrival in the unit. So things were no worse.
- I've been having some chest pains though, they did some tests yesterday, Dr Barrow told me about something to do with the heart, myocard…
He hesitated on the word Thomas had told him.
- Myocarditis?
- Yes, that's it. Apparently it is the reason I'm having those pains. Is it serious?
Anna frowned.
- Well, it means an inflammation of the heart muscle. It can be mild or serious, it depends. I'll have to check with Thomas.
Anna sat on the armchair near John's bed, and took his hand, gently stroking it. After a moment of silence, John started:
- Anna, there's something I need to tell you. I've… been in touch with Matthew, as a lawyer. You know I have no living relatives left. So, I have had Matthew write a will for me. If…
He paused for a while, dreading to phrase the following. Anna tensed, starting to understand where this was going.
- If ever, things turned bad for me…
- John, don't.
- No, I'm serious Anna. If I ever don't make it…
- You are…
- Anna. Please listen.
- Alright, she accepted reluctantly.
- So, if I ever die, Matthew has my will. I leave you my flat, my mother's house, and all my savings. I'm thinking, you'll sell my flat, because I don't see what use you could have of it, and you can either live with Timmy in my mother's house, it could be nice after a little refurbishing, or if you don't like it, you sell it too, and then you can buy yourself your own house, with a backyard for Timmy.
He stopped talking, and looked to Anna, who was staring at him with her eyes bright with tears.
- John… You don't need to…
- All I want is for you and Timmy to be safe and happy. I want you to have all this, not some distant and unknown relative, or the state even.
- That is very thoughtful of you John. But I don't want your house or your money. It is you I want. So if you really want me to be happy, just get better and come home to me!
John smiled and nodded:
- Yes, I'm working on that too.
His hand came up to Anna's cheek, where he gently wiped out the tears with his thumb.
- I'm doing my best, I promise.
- You'd better, John Bates.
x x x x
At the end of morning, Anna was back home. She felt a little better than she had for the last few days. She had had her shot, the Carsons had an appointment for theirs. John was not worse. She had talked to Thomas about John's heart condition. The myocarditis was not too serious according to him. It was responsible for John's current chest pains, but there should not be permanent damage. According to Thomas, John's condition should start to improve in the next few days. He seemed confident, and Anna trusted his judgement. Things looked a little brighter that morning. As she waited for the kettle to boil, Anna's phone rang. She looked at the incoming number, and was very surprised and not a little anxious to recognize a number that she had not seen for more than six years. She almost let it go to voice mail, but thought better and picked up at the last moment.
- Yes, she answered in a tense voice.
- Anna, said a hesitant voice.
A silence stretched out, until Anna repeated:
- Yes?
- Anna, it's Mum.
- Yes, I know, said Anna, not warming up. What do you want?
- Your father is dead, Anna.