How can a heart survive?
Can it stay alive
If its love's denied for long?
Lift the wings
That carry me away from here
Fill the sail
That breaks the line to home
And when I'm miles and miles apart from you
I'm beside you when I think of you

~"Lift the Wings" by Bill Whelan

Ira hadn't seen snow like this since The White Witch's time in Narnia.

What had she been thinking taking this route? She was accustomed to the desert and the lush lands of Archenland, not these wild northern lands. Her flimsy wool shawl hardly protected her against the fierce wind and her thin shoes kept slipping on the hard, frozen ground.

She had woken that morning confused, lying in a strange bed without her clothes. Memories of her time at the Anvard court had come rushing back, frightening her and making her believe she was experiencing a nightmare. But when she had seen Edmund sleeping peacefully beside her, she was reminded of their intimacy the previous evening. While she had been the one to take Edmund's innocence, it had felt like she was the one losing her maidenhood. She had never been with someone out of love, only lust and desire for power.

The happiness of the moment had been shattered. Ira had realized with horror that she had acted on her heart, leaving all rational thought behind her on the beach last night. She couldn't remain at Cair Paravel with Edmund. She was not suitable to be a Narnian queen, let alone to even be considered to be courted. Edmund needed a fair and steady girl by his side, not a woman five years older than him who'd lost a child and held a reputation of bedding men. So she had left. It was the kindest thing she could do. If she had stayed, it would have hurt them both far worse.

She couldn't return to Anvard. While she had reconciled with Aliena, she knew she would always be an outcast among the courtiers. She also knew she couldn't return to the desert, for that's where Edmund would certainly come looking for her. So she had decided on The Wild Lands of the North. Evelyn had told her about the Battle of Ettinsmoor and how the land was deserted, only inhabited by giants who were now fearsome of other creatures thanks to the attack led by Peter. Ira needed to separate herself completely from all her past mistakes and start anew.

She looked up to see a giant wall of mountains before her. She knew she would need to cross them, but her feet were growing heavier with every step and she was having trouble feeling her fingers and toes. The cold was sinking into the very depths of her body and she felt her eyelids begin to droop. As she took another step forward, her foot caught on a rock and she collapsed in the snow, too tired to move. She knew she needed to stand up and keep moving, but her body was much too weary. Exhaustion overwhelmed her at last. Edmund's face stood out in her mind before she succumbed to her feebleness, feeling the snow slowly begin to lay upon her.

Something tickled Ira's nose. At first, she turned to swat whatever it was away, but she realized that it was soft and warm. She was still lying on the frozen ground and could feel the wet snow soaking through her dress. She snuggled closer to whatever it was, burying her face into its warmth, when she felt hot breath on her cheek. She glanced up to look into a pair of the clearest eyes she had ever seen. It was then that she realized she had been lying next to a lion, the largest one she could remember seeing in her lifetime.

Her heart pounded in her chest in fear. Although its eyes did not make it seem like a wild animal, her eyes focused on its sharp claws and long teeth. She scooted away, letting out a whimper, before standing and beginning to spring, praying it wouldn't follow her.

"Ira of Archenland!"

The booming voice stopped her in her tracks. She looked around wildly, trying to see who had come to her rescue, when her eyes fell back on the lion. It was sitting up, looking at her directly with a smile on its face.

"Come here, child."

The cold from the early morning was biting. Ira began to shiver as she stared at the lion in awe. Was this…?

"I am Aslan," the lion said, as if able to read her thoughts. "Tell me, why have you left Edmund?"

Ira took a hesitant step forward, still second guessing if this was all just a hallucination. But as she neared the great creature, the cold around them seemed to evaporate, leaving her warm while the wind still blew about and there was still snow lying on the ground. His eyes were gentle and waiting, encouraging her forward. She couldn't help but seat herself on the ground next to him and run her fingers through his fur.

"I can't be with him," she said meekly. "Not in the way he wants."

Aslan's breath tickled her cheek as he spoke. "Why not?"

She looked up at him. "I'm wild. It's been too long since I've been at court. I belong out here, spending the rest of my days traveling and living in isolation. I can't undo the mistakes of my past and I don't want them to haunt me the rest of my life, let alone hurt Edmund."

"That seems quite a lonely way to live," Aslan said. His voice was not harsh or judgmental, but saddened by her words.

"Then why did you give me this life?" Ira asked. After all these years, she had never held much faith in Aslan, nor had time to dwell on the things of her past. But she thought of her family's death, her orphaned days in the Anvard kitchens, becoming one of Aliena's ladies and court dancers, and eventually her downfall as a mistress and lover of Rabadash. What might her life had been like if Aslan had saved her family from the Calormenes?

"All these things that happened to you," Aslan said, "They were not of my doing. Jadis still lurks even though her being is not with us. Her hatred for me becomes embedded in people's hearts. That is what killed your family."

Ira fought back tears. "Where were you? Why did not not save them? Why did you not stop me from falling so low?"

"I do not have control over the hearts that have been overcome with Jadis's hatred and greed," Aslan said. "But I was alway there, Ira, waiting for you to come to me, but you never did. You always tried to take care of yourself, never asking for help."

His words caught her by surprise. He seemed to notice this, for he chuckled softly. "You never looked, Ira. If you had looked, I would have shown myself."

"But Evelyn has been searching for you," Ira said. "Why have you not shown yourself to her?"

"Because my timing with Evelyn is different than my timing would have been for you," he said, his eyes sparkling. "Ira, Edmund loves you."

His words made her choke out a sob. "I know," she muttered, doing her best to regain her composure. "I know, but I can't. I can't be with him. Not after—"

"Not after Rabadash," Aslan finished. She nodded, letting the sobs wrack through her body. The lion nuzzled his nose against her and she buried her hands in his fur once more, holding onto him for dear life. "My dear girl, you just spoke of losing your family, and yet being with Edmund provides the opportunity to be a part of one."

"I don't deserve him," Ira said, wiping tears from her eyes. "After everything that's happened, I just can't. I need to be on my own."

A long moment of silence passed between them. Ira kept her fingers buried in Aslan's fur, letting her breathing return to normal as the sobs ceased. The great lion was patient with her, until at last she spoke.

"Thank you, Aslan," she said. "But I can't go back to him. Not right now. I need time to find myself."

Aslan nodded. "I wish you would return to him, child, but I understand. Where will you go?"

Ira sniffed. "North, further than Ettinsmoor. I need solitude."

"Then go," he said, standing. Ira suddenly realized how small she was compared to the great beast and scrambled to her feet. "But remember this time, Ira, that I am with you no matter where you go or what you do. I will be there with you during your greatest moments of need."

Ira closed her eyes, taking in what he said. She suddenly felt cold and when she opened her eyes, he was gone. The only thing she could see was the endless, snowy landscape around her. She bundled her shawl tightly around her and began to walk, trying to ignore the numbness in her legs from the cold.

Tell Edmund I love him, she prayed. She was still uncertain if she would ever see him again.

Don't forget to R&R!