A/N: I was feeling really sad going into this chapter, and I think that might shine through just a little…

A couple of songs I listened to while writing this, if you want a soundtrack to make you even sadder:

Lord Huron – The Night We Met

Brooklyn Duo – Someone You Loved

"Ding, ding, ding, little sister."

The words echoed in her head like a never ending drum.

After waking up from her drug induced sleep, Olivia had been on a roller coaster of emotions. Sad, scared, resigned.

Now, she was pissed.

"And what's this, huh? Some sick obsession because... because of what, exactly?" She spat her words out as she squirmed and twisted in her restrains.

"No, Olivia, this isn't some sick obsession. It's more of an..." He looked around the room and back to her. "Extinction."

"I could've killed you all those years ago, and maybe I should've. Would've spared you a lot of pain, no?"

Another picture landed in front of her then. Elliot.

"But you know how it is. Time goes by, life..."

Another picture. Simon.

"Please stop." Olivia said, her voice trembling now.

"I must say I'm impressed. You're resilient. I mean, losing your partner like that? And what you went through with William Lewis? And then your brother. It's a miracle you're still standing, Olivia."

She stared at the pictures scattered around her. A lifetime of love, pain, disappointment, abandonment.

"Don't worry, I'm not gonna pull out a picture of Lewis. I'm not some crazed sadist."

Yeah, no, you're a true gentleman.

"I do however have a thing for symbolism. I guess I'm sort of an artist that way. I can take the simplest of things and make them dramatic, meaningful. Have you even been able to take in your surroundings? Do you recognize where you are?"

She hadn't.

She had been too caught up with him, the pictures, his words, that fucking timer.

Decades on the job and she had failed at the most basic task.

Is this what giving up feels like?

She looked around the room. Except it wasn't exactly a room.

It was an old warehouse.

And she had been there before.

"If that sniper hadn't beaten you to it... I know you would have taken the shot, Olivia."

"No, I wouldn't have. Did you really expect me to? Did you really expect me to cause your death, Elliot? What about your kids?"

"I don't know. I just couldn't get that boy out of my head."

"What about me?"

"Gitano." She whispered, to herself, not to him.

The case that had changed so much. Changed everything. Shaken her to her core. Forced her to admit to herself that her partner, Elliot Stabler, had become so much more than just a partner.

She blinked a few times and swallowed the lump in her throat.

"Like I said. Symbolism. I love it." He sat back down on his chair and looked at the pictures on the floor.

"Oh, I almost forgot." He said casually as he got back up and pulled out one last picture.

Except this one he didn't throw on the floor like the others. He walked over to her and carefully placed it in her lap.

Noah.

What little was left of her composure, crumbled in that moment. And she finally let her tears fall.

"I get it. It's sad, isn't it? Knowing you'll never see him again."

He left the picture there before walking back to his chair.

"But, look at the bright side. At least he gets to live. You're lucky he's not your biological son."

An extinction.

That's what he had said.

He was getting rid of the Joseph Hollister bloodline.

"You killed Simon."

She said it before she had really comprehended it.

"Nice work, Olivia." He said while giving her a little nod of approval. "You see, I found my biological mother. Did some digging, and found Serena. And then you, and your brother, or should I say, our brother."

He crossed his legs and stared at her for a moment.

"And I just... Up until then my life had been perfect, you know. But my mother... You should've seen her. A broken down prostitute, a real whore. She was so strung out and desperate she told me she could do me for a 20. And that was after I told her I was her son."

Olivia had heard and seen all kinds of depravities through the years, nothing really surprised her anymore. Sometimes it even felt like a weird relief to hear someone's horrible story. To her, every person was a puzzle, and sometimes one of their stories was that missing piece that made it all come together.

In the midst of everything, she felt that relief now.

At least it makes sense. Sort of. Kind of.

"And your mother. Well, I don't have to explain that part, do I? You knew better than anyone how fucked up she was. Same with your brother." He shrugged. Like he was talking about what to make for dinner.

"And then you."

Here comes the analysis.

"So complicated. So damaged, and yet so put together. So flawed, and yet so perfect. A survivor with a death wish."

He got up and walked over to her, stared at her for a long moment without saying anything. "So flawed."

"Don't touch me."

"I said I wasn't into that remember? Incest, I mean. Gives me the creeps." He said with furrowed eyebrows. And then his eyes softened. "I'm not gonna hurt you, Olivia, but someone did."

He gently moved the strap on her dress and revealed the bruise on her shoulder.

As she breathed heavily through her nose, she felt a flush spread from her chest and up to her cheeks.

"Last night, right? Like I said, sounded intense."

Without straightening the strap, he turned around and walked back to his chair.

She needed to change the course of this conversation. Because if she didn't, she was going to be sick all over the floor and the pictures still scattered in front of her.

Guess that would've been symbolic, too. Throwing up all over the pieces of my life that makes it so complicated.

"If you knew about me and Amanda, why Elliot? Why Kathy? Why the picture and the postcard? Why here in this particular warehouse?"

He snickered. "So many questions, so little time." He glanced over at the computer.

08:15

"Amanda never hurt you like he did."

That's true. Painfully true.

"And honestly, I just wanted to have a little fun with all of this before... the big bang. Guess I had some pent up energy because of the pandemic. Wasn't quarantine just dreadful?"

"Netflix and board games didn't do it for you, huh?"

"Hah, again with the jokes, Olivia."

Suddenly her mind was flooded by a memory that felt so random it caught her completely off guard.

"How's things with Noah and online school?"

She stared at her phone and smiled.

For two weeks Amanda had been randomly checking in with her, and it was becoming a nightly routine she found herself weirdly addicted to. Everything with this new virus was so scary and unpredictable, and her late night conversations with the blonde detective had quickly turned into one of very few highlights in the midst of all the chaos.

They didn't mention it at work for some reason, but almost like clockwork, she would get a text from the blonde after Noah's bedtime.

"If I hear the word "zoom" ever mentioned again after all of this is over, I might throw some hands and lose my badge."

"I hear ya. So, up for some entertainment?"

"I'm not watching The Bachelor with you again."

"No, this is worse."

"How much wine do I need?"

"From the looks of it, a lot."

Three hours and countless of texts later, she was still staring wide eyed at her TV.

"Rollins, why do I let you do this to me?"

"How wild is this?"

"I have no words."

The next day, walking into her office after a short lunch break, she found a small, stuffed tiger sitting on her desk. Next to it was a post it that read "Tiger queen".

With a smirk on her face, she turned to look at where Amanda was sitting in the squad room, grinning back at her, and for a short moment she forgot everything about the pandemic, zoom and online classes.

"Where were we." He suddenly said. Like he had drifted off along with her. "Oh, yeah. Amanda. Elliot. You."

"It really was fascinating watching you through the years. This might sound weird, you being my sister and all, but you never looked more beautiful than right after Elliot left you. Was that on purpose? Were you hoping he'd come back and see you and finally confess his love for you?"

"Fuck you."

"Ah, struck a nerve." He chuckled. "The thing is, when I heard Elliot was back in town, I wanted to shake things up a bit. See where I could take this, but you surprised me."

Amanda.

"I mean, a woman? And not just any woman. Amanda Rollins. She's... something."

"Don't talk about her."

"I was actually going to give you two a bit more time. See how long you'd last. But last night... you kinda proved my point."

Please, enlighten me.

His face darkened and she finally saw it. The hate. The violence.

"You're just as fucked up and damaged as your mother, and my mother. When all is said and done, you're just another product of Joseph Hollister. And you can play house all you want, Olivia. But you will always, always, carry that with you. Just like me."

She was shivering, and with blurred eyes she watched the picture of Noah, her sweet boy, fall to the floor.

Symbolic indeed.

Suddenly his face softened again.

"Looks like you need a break, Olivia? That's fine. We still have-" He turned his head and looked at the timer. "7 hours and 59 minutes."

She hadn't panicked. And she held on to that, because while she had allowed herself to cry, she really didn't want to give him the satisfaction of seeing her fall apart completely.

But when he walked towards her with a roll of duct tape in his hand, she couldn't help it.

"No, please don't. Please. I won't scream. I promise."

Cigarettes. The apartment. Vodka. Beach house.

"I wish I could trust you, Olivia. But you're just too unpredictable."

He tore off a piece of the tape and placed it over her mouth while she shook her head from side to side.

Pills. Blowtorch. Iron frame bed.

"I know, flashbacks are uncomfortable. Just breathe through it, and you'll be fine."

And then he walked away and the only sound that filled the room was the uneven and rapid passing of air through her nose.

She found him on the roof.

He was pacing back and forth, talking with someone on the phone.

"Just, do it and send it over as soon as possible."

"Who was that?" Amanda asked as she joined him by the ledge.

"Our tech expert. She's going through his finances to see if there's a location we might've missed."

"Think she'll find anything?"

"I have no idea. With Wheatley, anything is possible."

Amanda nodded before she turned to look at him. "How are you doing?"

"I should be asking you that."

"I'm not good." Amanda answered, surprised by her own honesty.

"Me neither."

"You still love her, don't you?"

"Not like that, Amanda."

"How do you know?"

"I just... know. I used to be jealous, she probably told you all about it?"

"Maybe."

"But when I found out about you, I was genuinely happy for her."

"It's because I'm a woman, ain't it? No more macho competition?"

"Don't put yourself down like that." He said, with a hint of a smile on his face, and Amanda couldn't help but smile back.

"No, it had nothing to do with that. I just wanted her to be happy. You do that. And you should've seen her in the hospital when you..."

"Almost got killed by my dad? It's ok. You can say it."

"I've never seen her like that before."

They fell silent, and for a short moment they were just two people looking over the city, somehow deeply connected by one woman.

"I didn't make her happy last night." Amanda finally said.

"I don't know what happened between you, but I know that I've never seen her happier. Even with everything you've been through together. That doesn't end in one night."

"Maybe not."

"Let's go back downstairs. We're gonna do this, Amanda. We're gonna find her."

"We have to."

"Yeah, we do."

Her go to trick to fight off flashbacks was simple. Breathe and repeat "I'm safe" over and over again.

Olivia found that it didn't quite have the wanted effect when she was practically chained to a bomb.

07:24.

Maybe this really is it. There's no obvious way out. Maybe this is how it ends.

She felt herself resign to the thought and with it she felt herself loathing all the times someone had ever called her a survivor.

In the end, we're all dying.

How can there be any survivors when the only possible outcome is death?

It did bug her though. She'd been so close to the life she always wanted. A real family. Loving Amanda, loving their kids.

Watching bad reality TV while running her fingers through blonde hair. Reading Noah's favorite books to Jesse. Hearing Billie laugh that wonderful laugh she had inherited from her equally wonderful mother. Watching all of them play with Frannie in the Park.

At least I got a small taste of it.

That's more than nothing.

07:17.

A/N: Sorry for dragging y'all down with me.