It's a long one! Enjoy!
Chapter Song: Splitting Wood by Claire Guerreso
Chapter Twenty Seven
"When do I get to go home?" Sarah asked as she paced the room for what seemed like the hundredth time. "Do you think they're okay? Why haven't they called?"
Before I answered her, I closed my eyes and took a deep cleansing breath. I was a fairly patient person - except when it came to road rage - but when someone tended to ask the same questions over and over, knowing that a different response was impossible, I tended to lose my cool. But I had to keep in mind that this woman didn't ask to be here. Sarah had nearly died the day before all because of her acquaintance with Sam and Dean. I also kept in mind that she had a little girl out there and a husband who she loved dearly. And sometimes when people felt scared and hopeless, they did stupid things. Like, ask stupid questions on repeat. Thankfully, I didn't have to answer her because my phone rang and I answered it before it had a chance to ring twice.
"Hey! You okay?" It was Sam and he was referring to my quick exit when I almost blew away Crowley and nearly foiled their plan.
"Uh, yeah, I just had to get out of there," I replied, not wanting to go into details. The fact that I couldn't control my powers was just a tad embarrassing. While I didn't care that Sam knew, I didn't need the peanut gallery behind me to hear.
Wide-eyed, Kevin peeked up from the frozen pizza he'd just nuked. "Ask him if they have the tablets!"
"You sure? You sound weird." If we were being fair, Sam didn't exactly sound normal.
"Yes, I'm good. Is Sarah okay to go home?" Sarah was wringing her hands and staring at me nervously.
Before he answered, he said something to Dean about a devil's trap. "Sorry, we're still getting things ready. Uh, yeah, Sarah is good to go but afterward, you go straight back to the bunker, okay?" Hesitating, I chewed on my lip - if I were there and Crowley somehow escaped, I could be there to end him. "Eva…" Sam warned, sensing my reluctance. "Promise me."
"Okay, I promise," I sighed reluctantly. "But if you need me-"
"I promise to call you, okay?"
"Tell Dean to stay in touch," I requested. "If I don't hear anything by midnight, promise or no promise, I'm going to come looking for you."
"Eva…" He cleared his throat, his voice getting quiet probably so Dean couldn't hear him. Eyeing Kevin and Sarah, I moved into the next room. "Take care of yourself, okay?"
My throat grew tight and a weight pressed down on my chest. I was not above begging. "Come back, okay? Please come back."
"I'll do my best but if I don't, remember what I told you last night. Be happy."
I took a deep breath and blew it out, tears slipping down my cheeks as I closed my eyes. "Do what you have to do, okay? I'll be fine."
"That's my girl." His voice was strained, emotional, and determined which allowed any strength I had left to crumble. He blew a shaky breath into the phone. "Remember...take Sarah home and come right back."
"Take care of yourself, Sam."
After he'd disconnected, I took a few minutes to collect myself and get the conversation out of my mind. I had to get Sarah home before she drove me too crazy and I couldn't do that if I was on the verge of tears. Flying had become like second nature however I still had trouble taking people with me and going places I'd never been to. It took a lot of concentration and focus which right now was all directed toward Sam and his mission.
When I walked back in, both of them looked at me with hopeful faces. "Yes, I can take you home, Sarah. And Kevin, I'm sure they have both tablets."
Kevin frowned, "You didn't ask him?"
"No, but I'm sure-"
"You could have asked him," he whined, tossing leftover pizza crust on his plate. I figured every prophet of the Lord was owed a temper tantrum every now and then.
"Sorry." I pointed down the hallway. "There's the bathroom down there and a couple of spare bedrooms. Take your pick. I'm going to take Sarah home. I'll be back in ten."
Sarah chuckled. "Uh...it's going to take you longer than ten minutes. I live in New York."
I smiled, glancing at Kevin before I asked her, "Are you ready?"
"Hell, yes! I'm so excited to see Bessy." She grabbed her bag and wrapped it around her shoulder.
"See you in a few, Kevin."
Sarah shot me an odd look but chose to stay quiet as we walked up the steps to the door. It screeched open and I closed it, locking it carefully before sticking the key safely in my back pocket. I stopped but Sarah kept right on walking in the direction of Kevin's car.
"We're not taking a car," I told her, hoping she wouldn't freak out.
Turning, she cocked her head at me. "Huh? What do you mean we're not taking the car?"
I walked over to her, holding out my hand. "Take my hand and think only about your house. Specifically how your house looks from the outside because landing inside would be really weird."
With wide eyes, she backed away a little bit. "What?"
I wasn't sure why I thought this part would be so easy. I guess that meant I was getting so used to the weird stuff that I figured everyone else would be on board too. "I know it sounds strange but I can fly. All I have to do is grab your hand and you blink and you'll be there. It's really fast and painless. I promise."
"Can't we just take the car? I don't mind the drive." She tried to smile but it looked more like a grimace. "Can I...what...are you…"
I smiled in what I hoped was a comforting manner. "I'm Nephilim. Half-human, half-angel. And Sam trusted me to get you home safely. Unfortunately, a twelve-hour drive across the country with demons on our ass is not safe. This is safe."
Her eyes looked around us as if she were looking for a place to escape to. "You've done this before?"
No, not really but I didn't want to tell her that. I was pretty sure I would be able to pull it off. Probably seventy-thirty. "Yeah, lots of times."
Looking at me closely, she considered me for a few beats. "Well, okay...are you sure it's painless?"
I smiled, "You might get a little dizzy but that's about all."
When she steeled herself in preparation for the journey to come, it was obvious. "Okay then. I want to get home to Bess and Josh, so here goes nothing."
"Think about your home," I told her, grabbing her hand.
I closed my eyes and tried hard to penetrate her thoughts, what images were flashing around in her head. There seemed to be so much going on that it was hard to pinpoint the correct image. Most of what I saw were just memories of her daughter, her husband, and other family members. "Are you thinking about your house?" I asked.
"I'm sorry...it's hard!"
"What about a picture of your house? Do you have one on your phone?"
She squeaked. "Yes! I won the Best Landscaping Award on my street last summer and-" She stopped talking when she saw the look on my face and pulled her phone out. "Here…"
"Okay…" I focused on the picture, grabbed her hand, and took off.
When we landed, she stumbled a little, her eyes wide on the house in front of us. "Whoa...that was...that was something."
"Yeah," I agreed, half-heartedly. "You want me to come in with you? Make sure things are quiet inside?"
"Uh…" She contemplated that when she looked toward the house. Then she saw her daughter peeking out the window with a big smile on her face, waving frantically. She giggled a little when her husband pulled open the front door, looking oddly at her. "This will be some story to tell."
"Only tell him what he can handle," I advised. "Good to meet you, Sarah."
"You too, Eva." As I turned around, she called out for me and I looked over my shoulder. "You're really good for Sam. I can tell that."
The mention of Sam had me all verklempt all over again so I nodded and started walking, trying to find an obscure place to disappear from. I found it on the side of a house, between a couple of bushes. For a few moments, I had to clear my thoughts so I didn't accidentally pop in on Sam because all my thoughts were focused on him and what he was doing. As I was focusing on clearing my head, I felt a deep, painful cramp in my side. Then it traveled into my chest and up my arm, leaving a sharp tingle in the ends of my fingers. That's when I knew - it had begun.
~~WIWL~~
It was difficult - being stuck in the bunker when Sam was out there, fighting to save the freaking world. And being in the bunker made the connection I had to him nearly non-existent. The only thing I could tell was that he was still alive. What I really wanted to do was step outside so I could tell just how alive he still was but I'd promised him so instead, I paced and chewed on my fingernails while Kevin explored the bunker. As a way to keep sane, I thought of all the things I knew - it would take 8 hours to inject Crowley with Sam's blood and complete the third trial. When I'd dropped Sarah off, it was around 3 pm but I didn't know if what I felt was the first injection of blood or not. So, I should hear something by 11 pm and if I didn't, I'd go outside.
"You know if they have Netflix?" Kevin asked, causing me to glare at him. He held his hands up in surrender, heading toward the bedrooms. "They always pull through, you know."
"Huh?"
"Sam and Dean...they always come out on top. So, you shouldn't worry so much." That was the prophet's grand advice - "don't worry so much". Easy for him to say, I supposed. But it couldn't have been easy considering he had so much to lose and so much to gain when it came to this. Perhaps he just had lots and lots of faith in The Winchesters. Or maybe he'd been through so much that he just closed off his emotions as a means of self-preservation. Whatever the case, nothing he could say would keep me from pacing and worrying.
It was close to ten-thirty when the alarms went off in the bunker. I nearly peed myself when the sirens blared and the lights started flashing. Kevin came running out in his pajamas, his face contorted in panic. "What's happening?!"
"I don't know!" I said over the sirens. "I'm going up there to have a look! Stay here."
Nodding, he put his hands over his ears as I trotted up the steps, two at a time. Patting my pocket to make sure I had the key, I opened the door and peeked outside. Nothing seemed outrageously amiss but looks could be deceiving. What if there was a horde of demons out here, waiting for someone to be stupid enough to pop their heads out?
Then I saw it - a flash of light in the sky several miles off. Then another. And another. Were they comets? Were we being attacked by aliens? No...no...something was familiar about those balls of fire falling to the earth. They weren't rocks. Or pieces of some foreign planet. Those balls of light had wings. My mouth fell open as one landed not too far away from the bunker, making the earth shake. The alarm in the bunker stopped abruptly just as I was closing the door and locking it tightly behind me.
"I found the reset switch," Kevin grimaced, wiggling a finger in his ear. "I think my ear is bleeding."
"Something happened…" I trailed off, not knowing what to say.
He cut his dark eyes to me "Uh...duh…"
"Shut up. I think-I think all the angels are falling from heaven."
He stiffened. "What? What do you mean, falling from heaven?" When he tried to go up the stairs to see for himself, I put my hand on his elbow, stopping him. "Don't."
"But-"
"No, Kevin. The angels will be desperate. And you'll be a bargaining chip." I hated the look of desperate hopelessness that passed over his face. Just when he thought this would be all over, something else pulls him back in. "I'm sorry but stay here for now."
"Is this-is this something Sam and Dean are doing? Is this part of the gates closing?" he asked, then answered himself, "No, no...I would have seen that on the tablet. If only I had the angel tablet, I might be able to get some answers."
"Just be patient," I told him.
"Be-be patient? That's your advice?!" he squeaked, as he started pacing.
I frowned. "Well, your advice was 'they always pull through so don't worry'." Like the mature adult I was, I said it in a dumb boy's voice so he'd know I was mocking him. "There's nothing we can do right now. Except-"
"Wait... I know," he spat, not too happy about it.
Luckily, we didn't have to wait long. My phone rang and my hands were shaking so badly that I nearly dropped the thing. "Sam!"
"It's Dean, Eva." The tone of his voice was not a joyous one.
"Did he do it? Did he close them?"
"No, he-he stopped because…" He blew out a shaky breath. "He-he told me not to call you but-but I need you to come here. I need you to-"
Not even bothering to hang up, I pushed my phone into my back pocket and pulled the key to the bunker out of my pocket. "Stay here!"
"Wait! What's going on?!"
Ignoring him, I took the steps two at a time. I pushed open the door, locked it, and felt an overwhelming amount of pain come through the connection from Sam. My knees nearly buckled as I put my hand on the door to the bunker to steady myself. Then I closed my eyes and flew to him.
A hospital room was certainly not where I expected to land but there I was, staring at Sam's unconscious body. Dean was leaning on the bed railing, his eyes opening wide at the sight of me. "He's-he's dying. His organs are failing. The doctor...there's nothing they can do." Moving quickly around the bed, Dean looked at me with desperate, tear-filled eyes. "You can-you can heal him, right?"
I swallowed. "I can try but I've never…"
Figuring anything I said at that moment would go in one ear and out the other, I moved to lean over Sam. His face was still and pale; his skin starting to yellow. "Oh, Sam…" I cried, feeling so helpless. "Where is Cass?" Dean was blinking helplessly at his brother so I reached over and put my hand on his shoulder; he snapped out of it, glancing at me. "Where is Cass?!"
"He's-he's not going to be able to help," he mumbled, a tear falling down his cheek.
Taking a deep breath, I put my hands on Sam's abdomen and focused on healing him. I tried desperately to conjure up my magic, brush off the bad and reconnect the good tissue within his body, and bring him back. But it was no good. Even if I was an expert at healing, I wasn't sure if it was possible. Realizing that it was hopeless, I put my hand over my mouth and held in a sob.
"No, no, no...you have to help him," Dean ordered, realizing that I was giving up. "Eva!"
"I...I...I can't, Dean," I cried.
"Fine! Then leave!"
I understood Dean's anger but that didn't help make it any less painful. Slowly, I leaned down and pressed my lips to Sam's cheek - his cold, clammy skin feeling foreign against my mouth. Before I raised back up, I felt something...something through our connection. A spark. An idea. It wasn't likely to heal him but maybe I could release his burden through the connections. Not hesitating, I climbed onto the bed with Sam, straddling his hips and leaning over his face. Dean watched carefully as he backed up a step or two but stayed close. Then I put a hand on each of his cheeks and pressed my mouth to Sam's chapped lips.
As soon as my magic entered him, I could see it - the darkness burning and destroying his body. It was almost angry as it twisted and screamed, probably because it had been born for a reason and had gone unused. I wasn't sure if this magic was good or bad but it was throwing a pretty decent temper tantrum inside Sam's body. Reaching with my mind, I grabbed a hold of it, wrapped it up in my magic, and yanked - pulling it out. As I pulled and pushed, my magic seemed to take its place, lighting Sam up and mending what was broken. It all sounds really complicated and even I still don't understand how it worked but all I knew is that my magic seemed made to keep Sam safe. It knew what it was doing long before I did and I would always be grateful for that. After one final tug, I pulled my lips off of him and sat up. Blinking my eyes open, I took a deep breath in just as Sam opened his eyes.
"Sam? Sammy?" Dean rushed to his side, his hand patting Sam's cheek. Sam pushed his brother's hand away, almost looking annoyed. "How do you feel?"
"Uh…" Sam looked around confused, his hands pulling free from the blankets and going to my waist, helping to keep me steady because I felt pretty damn shaky. "I, uh, feel okay, actually. Eva? Are you-"
Apparently, that hell-closing magic that I tugged out of Sam went right into me. I supposed it had to go somewhere, right? The pain started sharply in my stomach and blossomed quickly to every limb, every muscle, every bone in my body. My mouth fell open in a silent scream and I fell backward off the bed, thankful that Dean had reflexes good enough to catch me before I hit the floor.
"Eva? Hey, hey...look at me." Dean cupped my face with his palms. My vision blurred. Then my body started twitching, my muscles uncontrollable. It was like a battle was going on inside me and I had no control over who won or how much of me would be left when it was over. "I think she's seizing." Just as Sam's face came into view, I looked once into his bright, green eyes, and feeling so happy that he was okay, I allowed the battle to take me out of commission.
~~WIWL~~
"Hey, kiddo…"
I was on the beach, basking in the warm sand and enjoying the sun. Except it felt different from before. I couldn't feel the warmth of the breeze or smell the salty ocean. But my eyes lit up at the sight of my father, the man I hadn't seen in so, so long.
"Daddy?" I ran to him, nearly falling when my body passed right through his. "What…?"
Holding his hands out, he grinned sadly. "Sorry...not that kind of dream."
"What do you mean - 'not that kind of dream'?" I looked around me, now noticing just how different this was from before. Things weren't as clear. Details foggy. "Are you...are you really here?"
"What do you think?" His voice was amused but soft. "Was I ever really there?"
"I have no doubt that you were but now...now I think this is just my own brain, making you up." Looking at my own hands, I tried to remember what was happening to make me end up this way. There was this big, blank space in my memory. "I'm...my powers...you disappeared…that's the last thing I remember. Why am I here?"
Walking toward the ocean, he shook his head, "I'm disappointed in you, Eva."
I frowned. "Why? Did I do something terrible?"
Smirking, he looked into my eyes. "Yeah, you tried to be a hero. You know I'd never approve."
I scoffed. "As if you've never been the hero."
Looking offended, he put his hands on his hips. "Name one time that I was the hero. Just one and I'll fill you in on that big, inky spot in your memory."
"This will be easy."
"So do it. Name it...just one time."
"Okay, well...there was that one time…" My smile slowly disappeared as I tried to think about the instance my dad saved lives. "I know it happened...I just can't…" His eyebrows rose in challenge as he waited. "Someone told me once...that you died for them. But that can't be right because…" I growled out of frustration, kicking sand and nothing in particular. My fingers rose to my chest, playing idly with the charm hanging from my necklace. "Why can't I remember?!"
"It all goes back to you being the hero." Again, he looked and sounded disappointed. "I always told you that you have to watch your own back first and foremost and what do you do? You take one for the team." He threw his hands up in frustration. "There shouldn't be a team, Eva! It's you against the world! How many times do I have to tell you that?!"
I shook my head. "No, that's not how I live my life, Dad. I need people. I need someone…" A longing that I couldn't explain gripped me so tight, that I stumbled a little. "There is someone."
"And you might die for them." His eyes narrowed. "Are you happy? That you might die for them?"
Thinking hard, I pondered his question - would it make me happy to die for...for someone that I was pretty sure I cared a lot about. "Yeah, I think so." His face twisted in disbelief. "I mean, I don't want to die but if it means that someone I care about gets to live, I'm okay with that."
"Remember...heaven is boring."
Ignoring him, I started pacing a little as I tried to remember something...anything about what happened. Now, for some reason, I was feeling the heat of the sun. My fingers once again found purchase on my chest, my fingertips playing with my necklace. "So, if I'm dying, something must have hurt me, right?" He used an invisible key to lock his lips shut and then threw the non-existent key into the ocean. "If only that worked," I teased and his mouth fell open in shock at my jab. "And I'm dying because I chose to be a hero...to save someone I care about."
"Because I'm the best dad ever and watching you struggle is just about the most boring thing ever, I'll give you a hint." I perked up, stepping closer to him. "Big. Doofy. Hunter. Ring any bells?"
My face scrunched up in confusion. Sweat beaded on my forehead and my skin started turning a shade of pink. It was starting to burn. I fanned myself with my hand in response. "Huh? Big doofy hunter?"
Gabriel rubbed his face with his palms, frustrated. "Are you that far gone? Big doofy hunter? With a smaller-but-not-tiny doofier brother? You go all googly-eyed when you see him?"
"I do? A hunter? A big-"
"Doofy one! His hair is like a Loreal commercial and he has this hero complex that has rubbed off on you? But I guess you like that kind of thing." He shrugged, rolling his eyes. "I don't see the appeal but-"
I sucked in a breath. A bead of sweat rolled down my back, tickling my skin and I winced at how hot and achy I suddenly was. "Sam! What happened to Sam? Why did I have to...is he okay?" I stumbled a little, losing my balance, and plopped down on the ground. "I think...I think I might be getting sick."
"Don't you think I've helped you enough? You're a big girl! Do I still have to cut the crust off your PB&J sandwiches? Or haven't you learned how to work a knife?" His eyes grew more intense, his expression going from teasing to furious. "Think, Eva! How are you ever going to be able to figure this stuff out if you can't even remember how you-"
Pain. Cold, debilitating pain shot through every one of my nerve endings as I struggled to breathe. I shot up, my eyes wide. A strange, feral groan escaped my throat.
"It's okay, Eva…" Sam had his arm around me, pulling me out of the ice bath as he laid me on the floor. I gasped and sputtered, my arms curling around myself as I tried to clear my mind to remember how I'd gotten here. Then I looked into his worried green eyes and an overwhelming shot of happiness helped me remember that I'd saved him. As reluctant as he'd been to let me, somehow, someway, I'd saved him. His voice was soft as he gently swept my wet hair out of my eyes. "I got you...it's okay."
"Where am I?" I asked, trying to get my hands to reach for him but they wouldn't do anything they were told. My teeth chattered and every inch of my skin felt like it was being pricked with a thousand tiny needles. "What's happening?"
"Dean...can you...can you grab a towel?" Sam struggled to hold me up, my body seemingly useless. "You have a high fever. It's just an ice bath to help bring it down."
"You sound so angry. Are you mad at me?" My eyes were heavy and it was hard to keep them open but his pretty face kept me motivated. I felt drunk. Delirious. I got the strange urge to laugh but I managed to contain it. "Did I hurt your feelings?"
For just a moment, he looked confused. "No, you didn't hurt my feelings." His eyes were on my body as he tried to dry me off and suddenly I was worried I was naked.
"I'm not dressed for this sort of thing. I need something fancier," I groaned, closing my eyes, embarrassed. For some reason, in my head, I was supposed to be on a date and now Dean was there and things were just awkward. We needed to reschedule. "Tomorrow, we'll have dinner."
Sam ignored my request, choosing instead to seem hopeless and worried. And angry. And so tired. "What do I do now?" Have you heard from Cass?"
Finally feeling like I had some control over my limbs, I sloppily reached up and put my hand on his stubbled cheek. "Don't be mad, Sam. I'll feel better tomorrow. We can go out then. I promise."
Dean ignored me too. "No, not yet."
I was willing to bet by the sound of Dean's voice that he was scowling. I turned my head to look at him. Yep. "Big, 'ol frowny face."
Dean looked offended for a second as he looked down at me. "What did she say? Frowny face?"
"She's delirious, Dean." Sam was always making excuses for me.
As Sam dried me off, I studied his somber face. God, he was good-looking with that chiseled jaw, those deep, green eyes, and that perfect mouth. I tried to touch Sam's face again but he moved away from me, looking annoyed. "You are so gorgeous," I told him, attempting to smile but not quite getting there.
Dean snorted. Sam looked over at him. "Can you help me get her up?"
As they struggled to get me up, I tried to help but I only managed to slap Dean in the back of the head and just missed kneeing Sam in the groin by a narrow margin. "Would you just...can you…Eva, stop helping." Not enjoying the loss of control, I whined a little, but let them take the lead. When they'd managed to get me standing, Sam scooped me up and I let my head fall against his shoulder.
As he carried me to the bedroom, I was starting to sober up a little. The sting of needles on my skin was starting to lessen but I could feel the burn slowly coming back. And my head was clearing enough to remember most of what had happened. "How did we get back to the bunker?"
"We drove," Sam replied, his hand on my shoulder as I swayed on the edge of the bed. "Can you sit up on our own?"
"Good question." Now that I had been moved and carried, my stomach wasn't feeling so great. I coughed and gagged, swallowing bile with a wince. "Ohh…" I groaned, curling in on myself as a terrible cramp took over my stomach. "I'm not well."
"No, no, you're not." Sam helped me move to a stiff, wooden chair beside his bed, a bucket on the ground near my feet. Keeping a hand on my shoulder, he grabbed a towel from Dean who had followed us in here. "I think we're good. Can you, uh, shut the door?"
"Yeah," Dean sighed, looking worried and a little guilty. "Just yell if you need anything."
After he closed the door, I leaned a little too right and Sam's hand tightened on my shoulder as he crouched in front of me. "How long have we been back?"
"We can talk about this later," he murmured, the frown on his face making my own face distort into a sad expression.
"No, I-I'm okay. I need to know how bad it is. How long have I been like this?" After a deep breath to calm my stormy belly, I looked at his face.
"A few days." His green eyes met mine and now I could see that he wasn't really angry at all. He was terrified. "I'm going to get you into some dry clothes, okay?"
Feeling so tired all of a sudden and sick and weak, my face crumpled and I snorted out a sob. "I'm sorry…"
"What are you sorry for?" he asked, as I covered my face with my hands and my shoulders shook with emotion.
"That I'm so sick that you have to take care of me like this," I cried. "That I-that I came to the hospital even though you made me promise not to save you. But I'm not s-sorry that I-I did it." I was probably not making any sense but he knew what I was trying to say. "I just...I'm glad you're okay. You are okay, right?"
Sam put his big, warm hands on my forearms and tugged a little but I refused to remove my hands off my face. He blew out-breath, his tone almost amused when he spoke, "Yes, I'm okay."
Slowly, Sam started to pull my shirt up over my head but with my hands plastered to my face, it was impossible. "Don't make me cut it off of you," he said, sounding a little more like my Sam. "I like this shirt on you. I don't want to have to trash it."
I moved my hands long enough to see which shirt I was wearing. It was just a gray v-neck t-shirt. "You do?" I sobbed, unable to stop crying. "It's just a-a normal t-shirt. What's so-"
Sam let out a deep breath, cutting off my pathetic cries and he gently tugged the wet, cold shirt over my head. The feel of the material rubbing against my skin made me stiffen. "Eva, I'm not mad. I'm not upset. I'm just worried."
I hiccuped, my stomach cramping viciously again and I doubled over, breathing through the pain. Sam rubbed my back gently until it somewhat faded. "You saved my life and if you don't make it through this..."
For the first time since I woke up on the floor of the bathroom, I felt confident in what I was saying. "I will. And it will all be fine."
"We're trying to get Castiel here...he doesn't have his grace but maybe he can help us figure out how to…" He waved his hand over my half-dressed torso. "Get this out of you. Get you better."
My head was starting to hurt a little with all the questions I had in my head but didn't have the energy to ask. My stomach clenched again and I reached for the bucket on the floor. "I might throw up." Like only the best boyfriends did, he held my hair together at the nape of my neck so it didn't get all pukey. And then when I was done, he handed me a bottle of water. "I must look like some of those monsters you hunt."
"Actually, you look better now than you have in days." He swallowed, his forehead wrinkling as he set the can aside. "Can you stand? I need to get your pants off."
I smiled lazily, and I tried hard to wink but I was pretty sure both eyes closed. "I never thought you'd ask."
Rolling his eyes, he tried hard to fight the smile but he was unsuccessful as he helped me balance. I never thought that Sam Winchester would be taking my pants off and all I'd want is to sleep but there I was. Carefully, I got the dry, clean pants on and I was much too eager to crawl back in bed.
"I'll be back in a few, okay?" he said, hand palming my hot forehead.
Then the light was out and so was I.
~~WIWL~~
"How long has she been like this?"
"It's been almost a week." Sam sounded super worried. And a week? He'd just told me it had been three days. "She goes in and out but...one minute she's like her old self and the next, she looks...she looks really bad."
"I'm not sure what I can do. My grace is gone." Oh, that's Castiel. Good, 'ol Cass.
"Another great decision you've made." And good 'ol snarky Dean.
"I told you, Metatron-"
"Tricked you, yeah we get it. Let's focus on getting Eva back."
There were a few moments of silence and then the bed dipped next to me, a clammy hand going to my forehead. I opened my eyes to see Castiel looming over me. "Hello, Eva."
"Wait...she's-she's awake?" Sam asked, coming around the bed so I could see him. His voice got all soft when he saw me looking at him. "Hey, babe, how ya feeling?"
I groaned, not able to really move.
"How long has she had a fever?" Cass asked.
"Almost the whole time," Dean replied, his voice moving as if he were pacing. "Gets better and worse."
"Hmm...I'd say since she's still alive, she has a good chance of beating this." Castiel stood up straight. "My guess is that her magic is fighting whatever is inside her...whatever she took out of you, Sam, when she healed you."
"But she's not getting any better." Sam looked tired. Worried. Unhappy.
"Unfortunately, there's no way to tell what's going to happen. All we can do is wait. If she were human, the fever would have killed her days ago."
Sam crossed his arms over his chest as my eyelids grew too heavy to stay open. "How long? Until she's better?"
"There's no way to know."
~~WIWL~~
Slowly, I came to - my ears picking up sounds and my nose picking up smells. When I was able to decipher that the sounds were talking and the smell was bacon, my eyes slowly blinked open. It was pitch dark and it took several moments to remember where I was but when I did, I relaxed. From what I could remember, I'd healed Sam and magically ingested whatever was eating away at his insides. Apparently, I wasn't immune because even though I felt better and much more clear-headed, I could feel the aches in my muscles before I even tried to move. But I did, move that is, and I did it with a groan, and slowly so I didn't fall and knock myself out before I even got moving.
As I sat on the edge of the bed, my nose wrinkled as another unfortunate smell filled my nostrils. "Oh, good God…" There was no way I was venturing out there amongst other people smelling this foul. As carefully as I could, I stood on my feet, holding my arms out in case my knees gave out. Thankfully, they didn't and I hobbled across the room to flip the light switch on. I squinted at the brightness but adjusted quickly to see a bottle of my body spray sitting on the bedside table. It would have to do for now since I didn't want to have an I've-fallen-and-I-can't-get-up moment in the Men of Letters communal shower. Cotton candy body odor was certainly better than straight body odor, I figured.
As I opened the door to Sam's room, the smell of breakfast made my stomach gurgle. But in a good way. I was hungry. Ravenous, actually. Still walking slow, I ran my fingers through my tangled, blonde hair, taking the few steps toward the dining area carefully. Sam was sitting at the table, one hand holding open a book and the other, holding a fork with a bite of pancake on it. I grinned at the sight of him.
The sound of glass crashing to the floor made me jump and turn my attention to the kitchen. Dean was standing in the doorway, mouth, and eyes wide open, staring at me as if I'd risen from the dead. Who knows...maybe I had.
"Dean...what the hell…?" Sam asked, not caring what or who had caught his brother's attention.
"Sammy…she's up."
Sam straightened, his eyes snapping in my direction. His mouth opened and closed, as he stood up so quickly his chair fell backward. "Hey, Eva...are you...how are you feeling?" Cautiously as if he'd blow me over if he moved too fast, he walked toward me, his hands held out in front of him.
I held up my own hands and backed away a few steps. "NO! No...I'm okay. Just stay over there." A flash of hurt crossed over his face as he stopped, his eyes still watching me carefully. "I just...I smell really bad."
His face relaxed and Dean barked out a laugh. "How are you feeling?"
"I'm still kind of weak and sore but...honestly? I'm starving."
As Dean cleaned up the glass from the mug he'd dropped on the floor, Sam pulled out a chair for me and trotted off to the kitchen. I felt guilty for what I'd put them through and now Sam was going to serve me breakfast? I felt like I owed him so much already. In fact, I was positive that the dream I had of puking all over the bed hadn't been a dream at all.
"Here…" Sam put a plain pancake in front of me. "Just...start small. You haven't eaten in weeks."
My eyes widened. "Weeks?"
"Nineteen days," Dean announced as he sat down in his chair, thankfully a few seats down from me. "That's how long you've been down and out."
"Wow." I took a bite of pancake and chewed slowly. As I ate, Sam kept staring at me when I wasn't looking and then quickly looking away when I tried to meet his eyes. I smiled, "I'm okay."
His smile was tight. "Good."
"Where's Castiel?" I asked.
"In bed," Sam replied.
"Where his lazy ass will probably be until noon," Dean added.
"Wait...what am I missing?" Something came back to me about Castiel's visit when I was sick. "Did he say something about his grace being gone?"
Sam looked shocked that I'd remembered that. "Uh, yeah, Metatron convinced Cass to give him his grace so he could close the gates of heaven. So the angels could figure things out without the distractions of earth."
"Yeah, but what the idiot really did was a spell to cause all angels to fall." Dean shook his head. "Now, we have those wingless, junkless douchebags out there, trying to find vessels and desperate to get their wings back."
"That's what I saw that night, falling from the sky…" God, it seemed like so long ago. "Where's Kevin?"
"Trying to figure out how to put them all back up there," Dean answered.
I nodded, all of it coming back to me in pieces. "The angel tablet." My eyes shot up to Sam. "What happened? With the trials?"
Sam made a face. "Let's talk about this later. Don't you want to shower? Get changed?"
I raised my eyebrows. "Is that a hint?"
"What? No! No, I didn't mean it like that. I just thought-"
"Sam, I'm kidding. A shower sounds heavenly."
Even though I'd made it in here myself, Sam shot up when I stood, my hand on the table for balance. "Here...let me…" When he wrapped his long fingers around my elbow, a flashback of him taking care of me while I was sick assaulted me. My face burned red as we walked down the hall toward his room.
"Why didn't you just leave me in the hospital? I remember a little of what happened and how...how it felt and I must have just passed out." I shook my head, looking up at his face. "You could have just let the doctors take care of me instead of bringing me back here."
"Uh, for a couple of reasons...and trust me, I asked myself if we'd done the wrong thing by bringing you back here more than once. Especially when…" He cleared his throat, helping me sit on the bed.
"Especially when what?"
The look that passed over his face was a familiar one - it was default Sam Winchester: Guilty and worried. "There were a couple of times that I was positive you weren't going to make it, Eva." His green eyes went to the ceiling as he shook his head. "If you had...if you'd died? It would have been my fault."
"You didn't force me to-"
"No, but you tried to talk me out of these trials months ago, remember? You told me that it was doing something to me, something irreversible and-and that it might kill me. But I still chose to do it and then when it came down to it…" He sat down beside me, head hanging low. "I decided to let it go instead of following through because it meant-"
"Because you'd die?" Suddenly, I got a little angry. "Why are you the only one who gets to sacrifice for the people you care about? You've told me all about your life, Sam. And I'm glad that you did but there were so many selfless acts in your story that made it clear that you're all about making sure others thrive while you barely hang on."
"That's not true." His tone was a little defensive and I couldn't blame him but that didn't mean I was wrong. "The truth is when it comes to Dean and me? We're selfish. We refuse to let go of each other even if it means shutting down hell and everything evil that comes with it."
"And what's wrong with that?" I asked.
The look he gave me made me wonder if I had something disgusting stuck to my face. "What's wrong with that? Really?" He stood up, pulling open drawers and moving things around to give him something to focus his frustration on. "I had the opportunity to make it so Crowley could never hurt you again...and trust me, he told me things, Eva. While he was sitting in that chair, he told me things that you wouldn't tell me."
I swallowed, looking down at my feet so he wouldn't see the shame in my eyes. Of course, it was ridiculous to feel that way but I couldn't help it. The memory of being tied to that table, naked and bloodied with that bastard smiling down at me. The way his eyes sparkled when he threatened to give me to any and all demons who wanted the chance to defile a Nephilim.
"And I threw that opportunity away and in return, you almost died to save me. All because Dean told me that he couldn't do it without me."
"Maybe he can't." My voice cracked a little, giving me away.
Sam could never resist the urge to comfort me when I was upset, being the gentleman and hero that he was, so he sat back down next to me. Hesitantly and gently, he wrapped his arm around me and pulled me against him in spite of the unwashed fumes that permeated off of me. He really was brave to hug me while I smelled like a homeless person. "Did you know? What you were doing when you pulled that out of me?"
I met his eyes, smiling a little. "No. But that doesn't mean that I regret it."
"That's because you're still alive," he pointed out.
"No," I shook my head, my smile growing bigger. "Even if it had killed me, knowing that you're still here, fighting the monsters to keep innocent people safe…? I would have been okay with that." It was clear from his face that he didn't agree. "Sam, I'm not saying this because I feel sorry for myself or I want pity or anything but what have I done in my life to even compare what you've done with yours?"
"That doesn't make your life any less...any less valuable or worth living than mine," he argued, the storm in his eyes that had started to die out, sparked to life again. "You don't realize how special you are. How you've changed me just since I met you."
Not wanting to cry, I took a deep breath and channeled my father. "I know one thing - I've never looked or smelled worse so kudos to you for even sitting next to me." He looked relieved to take a break from the deep, meaningful conversation; or maybe the relief sprung from my hint that I needed to get clean.
"Stay here...get your stuff together. I have something for you." He stood. "I'll be right back."
My eyes lit up. "Ooh, a surprise! Did you get me a new loofah?"
"No, it's much better."
Not feeling like sorting through the things in my bag, I just grabbed the whole thing and put it on the bed. As I waited, I wondered if Sam and I would ever feel equal to each other. Would I always feel as if he were at arm's length? Would he ever realize just what I saw and felt when I looked at him?
"Okay…" he said, popping his head in. "It's not much but...hopefully, it helps you feel better."
I grabbed his proffered hand and let him guide me to the bathroom, wondering what in the world could be so secretive in here. But when I opened the door, my mouth fell open and I gasped, "Sam! This is so sweet."
He shuffled a little on his feet, looking away, probably embarrassed and worried that if Dean found out about this, he'd never hear the end of it. The clawfoot bathtub was full of hot, bubbly water and there were candles lit everywhere. And he had my phone charging close by so I could turn on my music if I wanted to.
"Do you, uh, think you can manage on your own?" he asked, squeezing my hand.
"Well, if I didn't smell so bad, I'd insist that I was absolutely helpless but yeah, I'll be okay." I let go of his hand and tested the water with my fingers. It was perfect. "How did you know that I always wanted to take a bath in this thing?"
"You mentioned it a few times when you were out of it." His face twisted a little. "You started crying one time when I wouldn't let you take a bath."
I rubbed my face with my palms. "Ugh...I'm so sorry."
His laugh was light but brief. It was good to hear. "It's okay. I said some pretty weird stuff to Dean when I had a fever. Talked about some trip to the Grand Canyon that I don't even remember and the horse he was riding had a gas problem."
"Good to know I'm not alone," I giggled.
"Okay, well, if you need anything, just yell."
"Thank you for this," I said softly.
"No problem. I'm just glad you're okay."
After he'd closed the door, I started stripping quite rapidly and turned on some music with my phone. As sad as it sounded, I was pretty excited about this bath. As I sunk into the warm water, I went all the way under, allowing it to sink into the tangles of my hair and break up all the grease that had accumulated there. When I popped back up, I started scrubbing two weeks of sweat and grime off of me, the warmth of the water making my eyes heavy. After I felt satisfied that I was squeaky clean, I laid back and stretched my legs, enjoying that last bit of heat the water had to offer.
As I lay there, I started thinking about things. My thought didn't drift to Sam as you would probably guess but to myself and my powers. I thought about how I'd nearly lost control and toasted Crowley before they'd had a chance to start the trial. What if I'd lost it and ended up hurting Sam or Dean by accident? And when I climbed up on Sam and pressed my lips to his in that hospital room, I had no idea what I was doing - I was flying blind. What if what I'd done, hadn't even helped? If my magic hadn't taken over as if on auto-pilot, Sam may very well be dead. Laying here, as I was, everything had turned out pretty well considering Crowley was still out there and the gates were still open. Sam was alive. I was alive. Kevin and Castiel were here, safe. And I couldn't help getting the feeling that maybe it was all thanks to luck. Luck that could change at any moment.
Just as I was thinking about getting out, the door to the bathroom swung open. Castiel's eyes widened as I yelped and ducked further under the bubbles, my hands trying desperately to cover myself and not sweep the bubbles away at the same time.
"Eva! You...you're okay!" Castiel exclaimed happily, a smile grew on his face that was very un-Castiel. "I thought you were-"
"Uh, Cass...can we celebrate later?" I squeaked, my face heating up as I sunk deeper into the water.
"I just...I'm so happy." When he took a step toward me, I squeaked. "Do you need help getting out?"
"Cass! No, for God's sake! I'm fine! Just go!"
His head cocked, his face displaying a smirk that was the equivalent of Eva-you-silly-goose. "Eva, if it's your nudity that is worrying you, I've seen the human body in every sense of the word and-"
"Hey. What's going on? I gotta pee." Kevin's face came into view, his eyes getting big and dare I say, a little excited to see me in the tub. The water was getting cold and the bubbles were fading fast. "Eva! I, uh, didn't…" He trailed off, his eyes going to the ceiling. "I'm going to go to the other bathroom."
"Thank you, Kevin! Castiel, you go with him!" I growled.
Cass frowned. "But I don't have to-"
I nearly screeched at him, "Go!"
They both walked away, leaving the bathroom door wide open. With a sigh, I rolled my eyes and gave up. If someone saw me, then whatever. I just wanted to get dry and pull some clean clothes on. I still moved fast though, wrapping a towel around me and shuffling to the door to close it, dripping water onto the floor as I went.
When I'd finally gotten dressed and combed through all the tangles, I pushed a towel around on the bathroom tile with my foot to clean up the mess. Then I drained the tub, making a face at the ring of grime I left behind. When I was feeling better, I'd have to come to give it a good scrub. Then I gave my teeth a very thorough brushing, smeared some lotion on my face, and put some cover up on a very large pimple that had taken up residence on my chin. Just as I opened the door, Sam had his knuckles ready to knock. "Oh, I was just going to make sure you didn't need anything."
"I'm good, thanks. That was the best bath I've ever taken."
He smirked, "I bet. You want to lie back down? I put clean sheets on the bed."
"Uh, no...I want to hear everything that I missed. Kevin, Cass, the trials…" When his face fell a little, I added, "Unless you don't want to talk about it."
"No, no, it's fine. We were just doing some research in the dining room." He grabbed my bag, taking it out of my hands. "I'll put this in the bedroom and I'll meet you out there."
As I sat down across from Dean and asked them what happened, it grew into a heated discussion pretty quickly. Dean was mad at Castiel. Castiel was mad at Metatron. Josiah, Naomi's next in command had played a role and Kevin even had an ax to grind with everyone, it seemed. Even me.
"Wait! Kevin, what did I do?" I questioned.
"You just left. And when you came back, you were almost dead." The hurt and blame in his eyes as he looked at me made my heart heavy. "You didn't even tell me where you were going."
"I'm so sorry," I told him. If I felt lonely in my solitary life, I couldn't imagine how Kevin felt. He was just a kid who hadn't chosen this life but took it in stride as best as he could. And then I abandoned him, not even telling him what Dean was calling about, leaving him here with angels falling from the heavens. "I shouldn't have left you without telling you what was happening. I was just...when Dean called, I panicked."
Kevin's face softened a little. "I'm just tired of feeling like people only tell me things when I need to know." His gaze shifted to Sam and Dean who then glanced at each other. "That goes for you two too."
Dean shifted his eyes around the room. "Okay. We'll keep you in the loop no matter how traumatizing it is for you."
"So...Crowley is still out there somewhere?" I asked.
Sam and Dean shot a meaningful glance at each other but it was Kevin who spoke up. And he said it with a sort of sick joy in his eyes. "Crowley is in the dungeon."
I stiffened, my wide eyes going to Sam who was giving Kevin the stink eye. "He's...he's here? Right now?"
"Locked up with no chance of escape," Dean added with his trademark cocky smirk.
"You want to see him?" Sam's voice was hesitant and soft.
I responded in a sort of disbelieved panic. "Like visit him?"
Patiently, he replied, "No, as in seeing for yourself that he's locked up. That he can't hurt anyone while he's here."
After a few seconds of thinking about that, I shook my head. "I don't think so." God only knows the vile things that would come out of his mouth if he saw me. "I think I'm going to go lie down. It's been quite a day." I swept my eyes around the room, looking at all of them. "Thanks for filling me in." Everyone grunted in response, going back to their books or snacks or in Castiel's case, what appeared to be a handheld video game.
"I'll be in soon. I've got some reading to do on Abaddon," Sam said, standing up at the same time I did like he was a gentleman born in the early 1900s.
"She's the new big, bad out there?"
"Uh, it appears so."
As I lay down in bed, I felt so damn tired but I couldn't get my brain to shut down long enough to go to sleep. Crowley was in the same building I was and had been for the past 19 days. Abaddon was the new big bad. Sam and Dean were hunting her down. Castiel was the mostly-human sidekick. Kevin was the prophet. What was I? And who was I? I was the unremarkable, unaccountable Nephilim. Yeah, sometimes I got things right but it was mostly luck of the draw.
As I twisted and turned in bed, I thought of what my dad would tell me - I have to figure out how to live for myself. It's okay to be a little selfish. For once, I agreed because what good was I to anyone if I had no idea who I was or what I was capable of. And after a lot of thought, I only had one true option as far as figuring all that out sometime in the next century.
Sam came to bed while I was still awake, stumbling around in the dark, hitting something, and hissing out a "Shit! Ouch!" which made me giggle. "Are you still awake?" he whispered.
"Yeah, I can't stop thinking."
"About?" The bed dipped as he laid down beside me, the warmth of his body so close yet so far away. But it had to stay that way, at least until I got this particular conversation out of the way. "If it's about Crowley, he's-"
"No, no...it's not." I reached my hand out, desperate for some sort of contact and luckily finding his fingers in the dark. It was one thing that I hadn't been able to do as a Nephilim - see in the dark - and I was grateful. "I need to leave."
"You need to go to Missouri? I can go with you. We can even drive there...make a couple of days of it, you know? I mean, I know Abaddon is out there but-"
"No, I mean I need to go away. Far away. For just a little while." He grew quiet, his body still. "I'm a walking bomb, Sam. I almost blew Crowley away when he punched Dean. I nearly ruined the entire plan because I couldn't control my magic."
"But you didn't...and if you had, it's not like blowing away Crowley would have been such an awful thing." His hand slid its way up over my arm, his fingers dipping under my t-shirt sleeve and rubbing my bare shoulder.
"At the time, it would have screwed everything up. And what if I hurt you or Dean in the process?" His entire hand was inside my shirt now, moving toward my back. I closed my eyes.
"You wouldn't."
"I can't take that chance." He removed his hand quickly but I caught it before he could retreat all the way. "I'm not leaving for good, Sam. Just long enough to figure all this out."
"Where are you going to go?" he asked. "If Cass couldn't help you, who can?"
"Africa. To the only other person on the planet who can help me figure it out."
"Figadora?" I kissed his palm, unable to resist scooting just a little bit closer to him. "Are you sure that you're safe there? That you can-" I ran my fingertips over his bare abdomen and he sucked in a breath," -trust her?"
"I'm positive," I breathed against his neck.
"I thought you were tired." His voice was strained as he shifted in bed so that he was on his side, his arm wrapped around me and tugged me flush against him. Then he kissed me, long and steady and passionately as I ran my fingers through his hair, tugging and teasing. I lifted my leg, curling my knee around his hip and he groaned into my mouth, panting heavily. When he pulled away, I whimpered, afraid that was his goodbye to me. But his hand slid slowly up the back of my shirt, fingers barely grazing my skin. Goosebumps rose up all over my body and I shuddered. "When will you come back?"
My voice was a heady whisper against the rough stubble on his jaw. "I don't know. As soon as I can."
"But you will be back…" It wasn't a question. More like a plea that made me smile, his hand moving from my back to my chest as if the touch was to convince me it was in my best interests to return. I had to say, it was rather convincing. In fact, he nearly convinced me that I didn't even need to leave.
"I will always come back when you need me," I promised, panting and nearly coming undone before we even got our clothes off. "All you have to do is ask."
Thanks for reading! Reviews are appreciated! :)