Oct 1st, 1996
The realization dawned swiftly across Thorfinn's face. Hermione watched the transition from confusion to horror.
"You're a bloody turncoat," Thorfinn hissed, "How dare you! The Dark Lord is just! He is bringing about a new era, a better one! One where us magical folks can really be ourselves without fear of persecution!"
"Yeah, I fucking am," Theo agreed, "And you will too once we're done here."
"Unlikely," Thorfinn scoffed, "Rowles are made of stronger, more loyal shit."
"Let's try this," Theo said, linking his fingers together, "Do you believe me enough that what I show you you'll reasonably believe that they're real memories from the future? Not fabricated?"
"Depends on what it is," Thorfinn shrugged.
"Right. Well, you watch these and if you still believe in the Dark Lord's future after all this, we'll leave you alone." Theo shrugged.
"Just...leave?"
"Sure."
What Theo wasn't telling him, and what Thorfinn perhaps could guess but not with any certainty, is that they couldn't leave him alive. Hermione knew her mind charms to be top-notch, and had argued that neither Thorfinn or his wife would not remember a thing, but Theo didn't want to leave room for error.
If any of their marks did not willingly go into the program...their only other option was death. His and his wife's. The whole idea unsettled Hermione and she did sincerely hope, for Thorfinn's sake, that he would be swayed.
"Well, we don't need this one," Theo said, setting aside a vial that must have been the night Samantha Yost was killed. His voice stumbled a bit and he set it down with a gingerness, a sense of regret, "Okay," He said, taking out the pensive from Hermione's bag, "The first one." It was marked for early October of this year.
Thorfinn looked at the swirling black wisps of memory, staring Theo down.
"You think this will be enough?" He asked in all seriousness.
"I wouldn't be here if I didn't have a good case," Theo said, and motioned for him to dive into the memory. Thorfinn's head disappeared under the water.
"You know he only has to stick his face in."
"Thorfinn is a special breed," Theo said with a chuckle, "It's his son's birth. Never seen a man so damn happy. Son'll be born a bit early; two weeks from now."
They waited in silence, and a few moments later, Thorfinn reappeared. His eyes were watery, and not from the pensive solution, and they were shining.
"How's that a bad thing? My son, Theo...if that's the truth, he's perfect. My little Trajan."
Hermione covered her mouth with her hands, trying to hold in a chuckle, as not to offend Thorfinn, which would set them back at this point. But, damn, purebloods and their weird-ass kid names.
"He's a cutie," Theodore agreed with a grin, "Next?" He twirled the vial that Hermione had touched, the 23rd of November, in his fingers. Thorfinn looked a bit more uneasy, realizing that there had to be a catch somewhere.
"Okay…" He agreed, brow furrowing. Theo pooled the memory and Thorfinn jumped in.
"Him and his son bonding?" Hermione guessed from Theo's whistling as he deposited the memory from before back into the vial. She doubted it would be so blaise if it was the bad stuff.
"Yeah, some more feel good stuff, get him invested, ya know?"
"Hmm." Hermione nudged Theo's arm, "Trajan, huh? If we ever have kids, they are having normal names. No constellations, no Roman emperors, no made-up sounds..."
"Emilia," Theo scoffed, careful not to refer to her by her real name even if Thorfinn was nose-deep in memories, "For us, that's normal."
"Your name isn't unusual, though!"
"Wait, have I never told you my full name? I thought I used it in the ceremony…"
"Full name?" Hermione echoed, but before Theo could take her down that rabbit hole, Thorfinn came back up, laughing.
"The next one! Show me the next one! He's so inquisitive, and strong. Exactly how a Rowle should be! Theodore, you don't even know." Thorfinn seemed to forget he was forcibly being shown these memories and eyed the caseful of memoires with a gleam. There was almost something endearing about this large man so jovial about seeing memories with his future son. Almost made Hermione not hate him.
"Sure, Thor," Theo said, but from how his face changed, unseen to Thorfinn, Hermione knew that it was about to get darker.
Hermione already knew the details of the next few bottles, even from Theo's short explanation. She did not need, or want, to know more.
"Noughts and crosses?" Theo asked, drawing a little board on the fogged mirror.
"You serious?"
"Yeah, this one might take awhile." He shrugged. At Hermione's horrified face, he scoffed, "It's awful, sure, but mostly for him. For us, it's one step closer to our goal. I'm the crosses." He said without waiting for her to reply.
Morbid as hell, Hermione thought, but there was nothing else to do. And, as Theodore predicted, this one took nearly half-an-hour. Even with the time dilation in a pensive, it dragged on. She knew that Theo had spared no detail on this memory, or the ones to follow, so Thorfinn was previewing an entire night's worth of events-,
"Right up until he thinks he got off easy from Voldemort," Theo said, staring at the board with a tilted head, "You were talking out loud. Damn it; best, uhm, eight out of nine?"
They were on their sixteenth round (and this was even after widening the board to make it more difficult) when Thorfinn came out of the basin, gasping.
"I didn't...that boy was hiding. It wasn't my fault. He said he understood," Thorfinn was shaking, having sweat through his clothes, "Theo, he said it was okay."
Theo grimaced, "He said he reorganized where you went wrong." There was a difference, Theo was trying to point out, warn him. There was no need for Hermione to ask which 'He' they were referring to.
"I…" Thorfinn looked visibly shaken, "I need to see Trajan. Is he in the next one? Please let me watch it, Theo, please."
"Yes, he is," Theo said, no emotion on his face. Hermione turned away, biting her hand to keep from making a sound, tears prickling the back of her eyes. If Thorfinn had been more aware, perhaps he would have noted Theo's attempts to not seem any way or another as the second warning, but he was frazzled and reeling.
As soon as Theo poured the fifth memory, he turned to Hermione.
"You have such a gentle soul, my dear," He said quietly, the compliment seeming to bounce around the emptiness.
"He's going to be killed in this one, isn't he? Trajan." Hermione guessed.
"Yes." Theo offered no more information. Whether it was for her benefit or because Theo did not want to have to relieve a second of Voldemort murdering a three-month-old, she couldn't guess.
After Thor was deep in the memories, Theo thrust something out in front of Hermione's nose. At first, she was confused, and this feeling didn't fade as she grasped it, seeing a slew of recognizable names along with years next to it.
"I'm not sure I follow."
"My crushes."
Hermione stared at Theo, unblinking, "I wasn't serious."
"You should have been." Theo shrugged, "It would be helpful, so, I mean, we know. Just so that we have this in case it comes up. To curb jealousy and all or so that we just understand if someone is killed and we're despondent, you know?"
"Well, I'd need a second to compile mine," Hermione said, "Total honesty?" She asked.
"Well, of course." Theo blinked, "It's not useful otherwise."
Looking at Thor, still inside the pensive, Hermione transfigured a towel into a sheet of parchment and used a charm to turn her wand into a writing device.
It was sort of a difficult task to go back and determine her crushes. Plus, there were some she just didn't want to think about and others that were just too painful.
In order, this is how her list went:
Lockhart (2nd year)
Justin FF (2nd year)
Lupin (3rd year)
Viktor (4th year, lost virginity)
Ron (6th year)
Cormac (6th year)
Bill (6th year)
Neville (post Hogwarts)
Seamus (post Hogwarts)
Ernie (post Hogwarts)
Hermione thought that ten was a large number as it was, and some of those she was embarrassed to admit, such as the crushes on her professors. And, some were more passing ideas of fancy, such as Neville. After Hannah had died, and after they'd slept together, she'd spent a great deal of time wondering what life on the other side of a war might look like...and if they'd ever get there.
That Hermione, for all intents and purposes, would not. This Hermione, totally separated from this timeline's Hermione but also the shell of the person she left behind, would...with Theo, as strange as this was.
"Only ten?" Theo scoffed a bit, and Hermioen looked down at Theo's. Yes, there certainty was more than ten...and suddenly, she wondered if she was strange for only liking so few people. It took a lot for Hermione to open her heart, though, in a romantic sense.
"Okay, okay," Theo was grinning, "Before we go through mine, can we just go through yours?"
"Dissect it?" Hermione groaned.
"I just have some questions. And concerns. And yeah, comments." Theo said, setting it on the counter, "Like Merlin, Lockhart? I thought perhaps you'd be the one singular girl that wasn't head over heels for him, but you prove me wrong I guess." He wasn't being cruel, but was teasing her.
"He seemed intelligent and well-traveled at the time!" Hermione felt her face scarlett, "Oh, but no comments on Professor Lupin?" She goaded.
"Mhh, I mean, it's obvious you have a type," Theo grinned, "But as far as Professors go, not the worst. If you had Snape on here…" Theo shuddered, "I gotta say. I'm shocked Harry never made it on here."
"Harry?" Hermione echoed, scrunching her nose, "We've always just been...well, he's Harry."
"I know, but everyone thought you had been with both at one time or another. Ron's on here, and I guess I know that one, but I thought that somewhere you would have even had a passing fancy."
"Sorry, no," Hermione shrugged, "He's like a brother."
"Hmm. Well, you sure like the jocks."
Hermione bristled, "I do not!"
"Oh, please. You lost your virginity to the biggest Quidditch star on this side of the century. You had a crush on Ron for who knows how long and I know you went with Cormac, that arrogant git- but a bloody good Quidditch player- to Slughorn's ball." Theo was beaming, "Face it! For a bookworm, you like the popular athletes. Lucky for you," Theo leaned in, "I excelled on my club's Quidditch team."
"Oh, don't look so smug," Hermione huffed, hating the realization slowly mounting upon her, "Aren't you going to ask about Seamus or Ernie?" Part of her wanted him to pick through her crushes, to examine them under a fine lens, and part of her wanted to keep up this banter or to just let him into her life.
As it was, though, Theo's face grew dark.
"Post Hogwarts, huh?" He whispered, re-reading the list, though it was clear he already knew, "I guess I don't...I can't…" He struggled for a moment, "Whatever happened in those forests, in that darkness, I can't judge any which way. I don't know how you were feeling or what was going on or how many choices there were even left," He said honestly, "It's different."
And it was, and for a second, Hermione nearly had forgotten. It wasn't teasing her about her school girl fantasies, back before things were awful, this was a time in which love was a commodity and a rarity for people like her and yes, at the end of the day, she wasn't sure if it was the need for human contact or a legitimate crush.
And Theo was right.
There was a deep silence for a few moments.
"Well, take a look at mine, wouldn't you?" Theo asked, breaking up the moodiness.
Hermione spread his out, flattening it with her hand. It likely would have been easier for Theo to list who he didn't have a crush on at one point, but Hermione noticed - as he said - her name was not on there.
Some notable ones were: Lavender Brown during his third year ("She grew a great pair of tits!") Both the Greengrass sisters ("Fire and ice they were, likewise in bed,"), about ten witches and wizards from both Durmstrang and Beauxbatons during their fourth year ("I was a very popular student with the visitors, I'll have you know,"), Professor Trewlany during his fifth year ("The mind of a teenage boy who wanks off all the time is an enigma, you know, and plus...the weird ones are always good in bed, or so they say."), and Cedric Diggory during fourth year ("Who didn't have a crush on him?"), among with basically the rest of Hogwarts at one time or another. She was glad he was comfortable enough to admit his male crushes, since this had been difficult for him to admit at first.
"What's the stars?" Hermione asked, tapping stars next to names.
"Oh, people that I slept with...or ate out...or got a blow job from...or gave one-,"
"Right, okay!" Hermione held up a hand, "I get it." She groaned, "Shouldn't have asked. And Great Godric, that's nearly a fourth of this entire list! Probably more."
Theo, in response, just shrugged.
She realized, in the back of her mind, that this wasn't what she thought it would be.
"Theo, is this a complete list?"
"If I admitted to Trelwany, yeah, it's complete," Theo said, "Oh! I know who you mean."
He took the list back, and when it was in her hands again, her own name was in parentheses with a star, "I mean, I've slept with you too. But it's in parentheses because I don't have a crush, no offense. Unless...did you want me to?" He asked, looking genuinely confused.
"No..that's not who…" Hermione began, but stopped. She had been so sure of her realization, or some big secret she thought she knew about Theo.
"Who?" Theo echoed, utterly confused.
And that's when it hit her. On some level, Theo's conscious self didn't know. He hadn't put two and two together about it. Even though it was so obvious for Hermione to see, Theo was going to blind-sided when it did hit him. And utterly heartbroken and maybe that would do him in, Hermioen thought. Oh, what a terrible way to have to come to terms.
"No one. I see Graham here now, I missed him originally." She lied.
"Ah. I mean, good shag, had a few daydreams, but not a lasting crush," Theo blinked twice, believing her totally. Or, maybe he didn't want to dig deeper, even if he knew it was a lie.
"So when you and Viktor-,"
Whatever Theo was about to ask was broken off by Thor coming back to reality from the memory, and any further conversation that might have been had was shattered by the sound.
Thorfinn came up with a caterwaul; one pure agonizing scream. If Hermione were greener and she were only back in her sixth year at Hogwarts, she would say that this was by far the most awful sound she'd ever heard. But she'd seen a lot. And it wasn't.
It was reminiscent of those worst sounds, however. It was something aching familiar; the sound when a parent lost their child. It was nearly as bad as the worst howls of anguish Hermione had heard, but none could ever be called 'worst', as they were all terrible in their own ways. It was how Bill sounded when his kids were killed early; it was how Molly sounded when Percy was felled, it was how Xenopilious sounded after Luna was slain before he curled on the ground and refused to ever make a sound again.
So yes, Hermione knew this well.
He was pale and shaking, tears rolling down his cheeks. He looked ill and Theo grabbed the bowl just for this very purpose and held it under Thorfinn's chin right before he barfed. His body was racked with sobs in between gasping, shallow breaths as he tried to reconcile what he'd just witnessed. It seemed for a second he was going to speak, but bile came up and he hurled until there was nothing left in his stomach. Hermione couldn't bear to look; she turned, trying to not let her mind wander to guess what Voldemort had done to make a point out of Trajan.
"Make another one;" Thorfinn's voice was seething with fury, "That's what He said to me as I held Trajan, dead. 'You and your wife can just make another one', not even a...a…" Thorfinn shook his head, breathing in short gasps, "He had a life! He had a personality and a smile and children aren't just exchangeable! How could he ever think that I would just...forget that?" He asked.
"So you see now," Theo said evenly, "Voldemort does not care for us individually or have any of our 'best interests' at heart. He is a cruel manipulator that will kill everything you love the second you toe out of line," He spat.
"I...no…" Thorfinn blubbered, "I can't watch one last memory. I don't know if I...I need to go to Deneba."
"This was our agreement, Thor," Theo stood, crossing his arms, "You watch all the memories before you decide. We still have more to show you."
Thorfinn looked at Theo, then pleadingly at Hermione, as though the shadowy female in back would see the torture he felt he was witholding. She did not return his gaze or move from where her feet had planted.
Thorfinn tugged on the ropes one last time before swallowing. He realized that even if he did not want to, he'd see this memory.
"I fear what it is, but alright. Show it to me."
Theodore's shoulders relaxed, glad he was not going to have to force his former friend, and poured the last memory.
With one last unusure flicker to Theo, Thorfinn dove into the bowl.