I end up just falling asleep on the lounge, to exhausted to make it up the stairs.

I wake with a start, disorientated. Where am I? The living room. The lights are still on, softly illuminating the white walls. Christian yells again, and I realize this is what woke me.

"No," he groans. The voice sounds pained. I run to the bedroom, stumbling around blind in the dark like an idiot. When I walk in, I see his head back, his eyes screwed shut, his face contorted in anguish.

Holy shit. He's having a nightmare.

"No!" he cries out again.

"Jacob, wake up." I struggle to sit up, kicking off the sheet. Kneeling beside him, I grab his shoulders and shake him as tears spring to his eyes. "Jacob, please. Wake up!"

His eyes spring open, blue and wild, his pupils enlarged with fear. He stares vacantly up at me.

"Jacob, you're having a nightmare. You're home. You're safe."

He blinks, looks around frantically, and frowns as he takes in our surroundings. Then his eyes are back on mine. "Emma," he breathes, and with no preamble whatsoever he reaches up with both hands, grabbing my face, and pulls me down onto his chest and kisses me. Hard. His tongue invades my mouth, and he tastes of desperation and need. Barely giving me a chance to breathe, he rolls over, his lips locked to mine, so that he's pressing me into the mattress. One of his hands clasps my jaw, the other spreads out on top of my head, keeping me still as his knee parts my legs and he nestles, still clothed in his dick, between my thighs.

"Emma," he gasps, as if he can't believe I'm there with him. He gazes down at me for a split second, allowing me a moment to breathe. Then his lips are on mine again, plundering my mouth, taking all I have to give. He groans loudly, flexing his hips into me. His erection sheathed in denim pushes into my soft flesh. Oh . . . I moan, and all the pent-up sexual tension of earlier erupts, resurfacing with a vengeance, flushing my system with desire and need. Driven by his demons, he urgently kisses my face, my eyes, my cheeks, along my jaw.

"I'm here," I whisper, trying to calm him, our heated, panting breath mingling. I wrap my arms around his shoulders, as I grind my pelvis against his in welcome.

"Oh, Emma," he pants, his voice rough and low. "I need you."

"Me, too," I whisper urgently, my body desperate for his touch. I want him. I want him now. I want to heal him. I want to heal me . . . I need this. "What happened?"

"I was back there. The accident. Except this time you were in the back seat. I killed you," I noticed ho his voice caught at the end.

He wraps himself around me and places his head on my chest. We are a tangle of naked and denim-clad limbs, and crisp white sheets. I stroke his back with one hand and run the fingers of my other hand through his hair. He sighs and relaxes in my arms.

"I need you," he murmurs again.

"I need you, too," I whisper, hugging him tighter. "I love you."

"I want you to need me," he murmurs.

Holy cow. Of course I need him!

"I do." My voice is impassioned. I need him so much. I love him so much. "I want to look after you."

"You do. All the time. I missed you so much while you were away."

"You did?" I know sounds so surprised, but I knew he missed me, because I missed him more.

"Yes, of course. I nearly died when you left."

"But-"

"Lets not open old wounds."

"I love you, Emma."

"I love you, too, Jacob. I will always love you." We both lie still in the calm, quiet after our storm. Listening to the steady beat of his heart, I drift slowly into exhausted sleep. "We still need to talk," I manage to murmur.

"I know," he responds and kisses the crown of my head.

--

The next morning I wake up around 6 am. Great 4 hours of sleep. Jacob slept peacefully next to me, naked stretched out in his prime. I quietly get out of bed and head upstairs to have a shower. The hot water was welcoming, releasing the tension knots in my back. Last night I told him we needed to talk. But just didn't know what to say. I haven't forgiven him, and yet, I love him too much to be mad. Why do things have to be this complicated?

After getting changed into sheer black stockings, black mini skirt, boots and a crimson turtle neck long sleeve I head downstairs to the kitchen. "Emma!?" Jacob yells coming from the bedroom.

"Kitchen," I call out.

"I thought you might have left. I wouldn't have blamed you."

"Still here," I reply softly, not meeting his gaze.

He sat down next to me and we both stared ahead awkwardly, and at the same time said,

"Sorry-"

"I have-"

"You go," he says.

"I have to leave in a minute so we have to talk another time."

"Okay," he replies disappointed. "Will you stay over tonight?"

"I can't. I was supposed to go with Becky to a part yesterday and I imagine I'll have to do damage control."

"Will you be able to make it afterwards, or the next day."

"We'll see." I glance at my phone. "I have to go." I get up and start to walk to the elevator.

"Kiss?" he asks cautiously. I walk back a few steps and peck him on the lips. I'm so confused. If I kissed him properly, I'm not sure if I would make me more mad about last night, or only further stir my desire for him. He circled his arm around my waist. "We okay?"

"Yep." I all I could manage in response.

--

I sat in an agonized daze as Felix and Mr. Sommers went over the fine points of the Kingsman Vodka ads, achingly aware of Jacob sitting at the head of the table in a black suit with white shirt and tie.

He was pointedly ignoring me, had been from the moment I walked into the conference room aside from a cursory handshake at the beginning. That brief touch of his skin against mine had sent a charge of awareness through me, my body immediately recognizing his as the one that had pleasured it all night. Jacob hadn't seemed to register the contact at all, his gaze trained above my head as he'd said, "Miss Langa."

The contrast to the last time we'd been in the room was profound. Then, he hadn't been able to keep his eyes off me. His focus had been searing and blatant, and when we'd left the room he'd claimed me.

This time, he stood abruptly when the meeting was concluded, shook the hands of Felix and Mr. Sommers, and strode out the door with only a short, inscrutable glance at me. His two directors scurried after him, both attractive blondes.

Felix shot me a questioning look across the table. I shook my head. I made it back to campus and worked industriously for the rest of the day.

I called Peter and asked where Jacob was, he told me he was at the penthouse, which was odd becuase it was only 5:30. Deciding to clear my head I ended up walking all the way there. I knew Jacob probably wouldn't have liked it, but we'd actually have to be talking for him to actually find out. We love each other, and yet we hurt each other. Why?

Final I turned onto the block that was Jacobs. The city was thrumming around me, taxis and people surging through the growing heat and humidity as they crammed what they could into the insufficient hours of the day. I people-watched shamelessly, my eyes skimming over everyone and everything.

Men in business suits walked alongside women in flowing skirts and heels. Ladies in haute couture and five-hundred-dollar shoes teetered past steaming hot dog vendor carts and shouting hawkers. The eclectic mix of New York was heaven to me, stirring an excitement that made me feel more vibrant here than anyplace else I'd ever lived.

I was stopped by a traffic light directly across from the building, and my gaze was immediately drawn to the black Audi sitting in front of it. Jacob must be about to go somewhere. It's very rare he'd just leave the car out the front waiting.

Suddenly, I went cold.

Because a striking blonde breezed out of the revolving doors just then and paused, giving me a good, long look at her—Jacob's ideal, whether he'd been aware of it or not. A woman I'd witnessed him fixate on for nearly three years during high-school and college. A woman whose poise and hold over Jacob brought out all my worst insecurities.

Ava looked like a breath of fresh air in a cream-colored sheath dress and cherry red heels. She ran a hand over her waist-length blonde hair, which was just as sleek far away as it was up close. But now, it looked a little disheveled. And her fingers were rubbing at her mouth, wiping along the outline of her lips.

I pulled my smartphone out, activated the camera, and snapped a picture. With the proximity of the zoom, I could see why she was fussing with her lipstick—it was smeared. No, more like mashed. As if from a passionate kiss.

The light changed, and I moved with the flow, closing the distance between me and the woman who'd had Jacob's undivided love. Peter stepped out of the Audi and came around, speaking to her briefly before opening the back door for her. The feeling of betrayal—Jacob's and Peter's—was so fierce, I couldn't catch my breath. I swayed on my feet.

I watched Ava's willowy body slide into the back of Jacob's car with practiced grace. My fists clenched as fury surged through me. Peter's eyes met mine momentarily. From the completely broken way I looked at him he looked worried and whipped out his phone in an instant. I turned hastily the other way, and shed a single tear. I took out my phone. 6% left. I didn't really know how to get back to campus, and instead I decided to waste my battery on ending things between Jacob and I with dignity.

I hit the speed dial for Jacob's cell and waited for him to pick up. Three rings later, he did.

"Reynolds," he said, although his screen would've told him it was me. "I really can't talk right now."

"Then just listen. I'll time myself. One minute. One goddamn minute of your time. Can you give me that?"

"I really—"

"Did Ava come to your penthouse this afternoon?"

"This isn't—"

"Did she?" I snapped.

"Yes," he bit out.

"Did you fusk her?"

There was a long pause, then he almost spit the word, "No."

"Did you kiss her?"

"No!"

"Why was she there then?"

"I-I can't tell you."

I exhaled. "Okay. I think you're a total asshole for letting me on when you were just going to get together with your Ex he second we had issues. I know that I ruined everything first, so fine. I take full responsibility for it all. But I love you too much to trap you in this with me when clearly, well-" There was the abrupt scraping noise of a chair being shoved back. I rushed on, desperate to say what needed to be said before he hung up. "I think you're a coward for not coming right out and saying we're over, especially before you started fucking around with someone else."

"Emma. Goddamn it."

"But I want you to know that even though the way you've handled this is fucking wrong and you've broken my heart into millions of tiny pieces and I've lost all respect for you, I don't blame you for how you feel after what I did. I get it."

"Stop." His voice was little more than a whisper, making me wonder if Ava was with him even now.

"I don't want you to blame yourself, okay? After what you and I have been through - and especially you- if your worried about me telling anyone about what you told me, don't worry I'll sign an NDA if that what you want." I sighed and winced at how shaky it came out. Worse, when I opened my mouth again, my words were watery with tears. "Don't blame yourself. I don't. I just want you to know that."

"Christ," he breathed. "Please stop, Emma."

"I'm done anyway. I hope you find—" My hand clenched in my lap. "Never mind. Good-bye."

I hung up and dropped the phone in my purse. I lost him. I officially had nothing left.

--

I fell into a depression after that. The next few days crawled by. Every day I told myself I wasn't waiting on some sort of contact from Jacob, but when I crawled into bed at night, I cried myself to sleep because another day had ended without a word from him. I knew deep down I didn't expect him to call, I was the one that ended it. But still.

The people around me worried. Becky and Spencer were overly solicitous when we had lunches. I love spending time with them and hated the concern I saw in their eyes, but there was a hole inside me that nothing could fill.

My mom called me every day, asking about my day and how I was. I think Becky's been telling her I'm not doing great.

On Thursday, Day Six After Jacob: I was supposed to go into the office for a meeting, but cancelled. Again.

Leah was practically never in the dorm. Always with Razor. So, having the entire room to myself, I slept too much, ate crappy food, and never bothered to change out of my pajamas. I cried over Jacob in the privacy of my four walls. I missed the weight of his ring on the necklace around my neck and the sound of his voice. I missed the feel of his hands and lips on me and the tenderly possessive way he took care of me.

When Monday came around, I left the apartment as better Emma. With smoky eyes, red lips, I felt like I could pretend to be someone else for the day. Someone who wasn't heartbroken and lost and angry.

I saw the Auid when I stepped outside, but Peter didn't bother to exit the car, knowing I wouldn't accept a ride. It puzzled me that Jacob would have him wasting his time hanging around, just in case I might have him drive me somewhere. It didn't make any sense unless he was feeling guilty. I hated guilt, hated that it afflicted so many of the people in my life. I wish they'd just drop it and move on. Like I was trying to do.

The morning at the office went by swiftly "You look good, Emma," Felix said when I first entered y cubicle next to him. This startled me. Was he talking to me Emma? We still hadn't talked since the incident.

"Thank you"

He leaned forward, setting his elbows on his desk. "I'm an idiot. I shouldn't have kissed you like that. It was wrong of me. I'm not angry that it happened, becuase at least now I know for sure that you don't feel the same way, but I am annoyed hat it's messed up our friendship."

I exhale. The first thing that's going right for me. "Truth me told," begin,"I've missed you like crazy."

"Really?"

"Yeah! Do you know how many times someones said something in a meeting, and all I wanted was to turn to you and joke about it."

"Yeah I do. Becuase same. Shareholder meeting and that guy said, 'She screwed me every way possible, saving he front for last' and I turned to say 'that's what he said' to you, but nearly said it to Sommers."

"No way! Could you imagine?" We both laughed. "Friends?"

"Please."

When lunch came around, Felix and I headed to a nearby pizza place, and he filled me in on his growing relationship with Becky. I was sad to realise that I had absolutely nothing exciting in my life to share.

--

"We're heading to the Hamptons this weekend," he said as we returned to the building. "Becca's grandparents have a place out there. How cool is that?"

"Very." I passed through the turnstiles beside her. "I'm jealous you'll be able to get away from the heat. You'll love it out there though."

"You've been?"

"We use to go every summer for a bit. They're really sweet people as well."

The doors to the elevator started to close, and then they slid open again. Jacob stepped into the car after us. The familiar, palpable energy that always coursed between us hit me hard. Awareness rippled down my spine and flared outward, sending goosebumps racing across my skin. The hair on my nape prickled.

Felix glanced at me, and I shook my head. I knew better than to look directly at him. I couldn't be sure I wouldn't do something rash or desperate. I craved him so deeply, and it had been too long since he'd held me. I used to have the right to touch him, to reach for his hand, to lean into him, to sift my fingers through his hair. It was a horrible ache inside me that I wasn't allowed to do those things anymore. I had to bite my lip to stifle a moan of agony at being this close to him again.

I kept my head down, but I felt Jacobs eyes on me. I continued talking to Feli about the Hamptons. "It's right on the beach and there's a bar right down the road becky and I would sometimes sneak down too when we were younger, and Pop - I mean Steven - would often mock scold us then pay Becky five dollars for every hour we had managed to stay gone undetected."

As the car continued its ascent and frequent stops, the number of people in the car dwindled. I was acutely attuned to where Jacob was, aware that he never took elevators this crowded, suspecting and hoping and praying that he'd just wanted to see me, be with me, even if it was only in this terribly impersonal way. I also knew he was listening to our conversation intently. I had picked that one in particular becuase what I neglected to mention was immediately after that Pop, Becky and I found Jacob skinny dipping with a bunch of his friends.

When we arrived on the twentieth floor, I took a deep breath and prepared to step out, hating the inevitable separation from the one thing in the world that made me feel truly alive.

The doors opened.

"Wait."

My eyes closed. I was stopped by the softly rasped command. I knew I should keep going as if I hadn't heard him. I knew it was just going to hurt so much worse if I gave him any more of myself, even a minute more of my life. But how could I possibly resist? I'd never been able to when it came to Jacob.

I stepped aside so that Felix could exit. he frowned when I didn't follow, confused, but eventually continued through to the offices. The doors closed.

I moved into the corner, my heart pounding. Jacob waited on the opposite side, radiating expectation and demand. As we climbed to the top floor, my body responded to his near-tangible need. My breasts swelled and became heavy; my sex grew slick and swollen. I was greedy for him. Needful. My breathing quickened.

He hadn't even touched me and I was nearly panting with desire.

The elevator glided to a stop. Jacob pulled the key out of his pocket and plugged it into the panel, suspending the car. Then he came to me.

There were only inches between us. I kept my head bowed and stared at his gleaming oxfords. I heard his breathing, deep and quick like mine. I smelled the subtly masculine scent of his skin, and my pulse leaped.

A shiver moved through me at the familiar and beloved authoritative tone. Closing my eyes, I turned, then gasped as he immediately pressed against my back, flattening me to the wall of the car. His fingers linked with mine, holding my hands up by my shoulders.

"You're so beautiful," he breathed, nuzzling into my hair. "It hurts to look at you."

"Jacob. What are you doing?"

I felt his hunger pouring off him, enveloping me. His powerful frame was hard and hot, and vibrating with tension. He was aroused, his thick cock a firm pressure I couldn't stop myself from grinding into. I wanted him. I wanted him inside me. Filling me. Completing me. I'd been so empty without him.

He took a deep shuddering breath. His fingers flexed restlessly between mine, as if he wanted to touch me elsewhere but restrained himself.

I felt the ring I'd given him digging into my flesh. I turned my head to look at it and tensed when I saw it, confused and agonized.

"Why?" I whispered. "What do you want from me? An orgasm? You want to fuck me, Jacob? Is that it? Hump and dump?"

His breath hissed out at having those crude words thrown back in his face. "Don't."

"Don't call it what it is?" I closed my eyes. "Fine. Just do it. But don't put that ring on and act like this is something it's not."

"I never take it off. I won't. Ever." His right hand released mine and he reached into his pocket. I watched as he slid the ring he'd given me back onto my finger, and then he lifted my hand to his mouth. He kissed it, then pressed his lips—quick, hard, angry—to my temple.

"I wanted to contact you but it wasn't safe. It still isn't, especially here. But when I saw you with him, I just knew I had to tell you not to give up on us yet." The doors opened, and just like that he was gone again.

What's not safe? Is this why he's increased security on me.