In Charge, Chapter 28 – Lost Scenes From Last Decade

By Threshie

Author's Note:

What's this? It's 2021, 12 years after my last update, and I had to restore my FFN password to even get back into my account, but I'm back. Sorta.

The email attached to my FFN account here is my first-ever email, and it's still active. If you left me some feedback in the ages since my last update, know that I saw it and appreciate it. I've been reading over all of the lovely comments from people wondering how the story ends. I get a comment like this every year or two. I'm sorry I left you hanging.

I've grown up a lot since writing this fic. I'm sure you all have, too. I had the darn thing plotted to the end back in 2009, though, and I've been making it a point to finish the stories I start nowadays. Sooo, what I'm saying is, I've decided to come back and write the last 2-3 chapters and finish this thing once and for all!

Among the fandoms in various corners of the internet, word is that FFN may soon go offline. I've backed up all of my fanfics from here, and I suggest you save copies of any favorite works as well as your own works, while you have the chance.

On that note, don't worry about In Charge disappearing. My fanfic home nowadays is ArchiveOfOurOwn, and I'm going to repost the entire fic chapter by chapter over there, as well as the last few new chapters. I'll post them here, too, if FFN is still online by the time I'm through writing.

I've never stopped writing these past 12 years. My AO3 has over 100 new fics for fandoms like Marvel, Supernatural, Detroit: Become Human, Until Dawn and Resident Evil. AO3 allows guest comments, and if anybody is interested in switching over, signing on to get an invite for an account usually gets you a log-in in just a day or two. Don't be shy, the extensive tagging system and massive amount of fanworks over there is truly a treasure trove!

But, back to In Charge. I'm working on new chapters. FFN doesn't seem fond of chapters that are just author's notes, so I thought I'd post some scenes I had written back in 2009-2010 and ended up removing from the fic. They might not be perfectly consistent with the story that I ended up posting, but here they are all the same.

If you're still out there hoping for the conclusion and you see this, please leave me a review and let me know! And if ever FFN is gone, you'll find me on AO3.

Disclaimer: Fanfic disclaimers are no longer really a thing, at least not in the fandoms I've been posting fics for on AO3. How the times have changed, LOL. I still don't own Death Note, though!

On to the lost scenes...

(Scene 01—Mello reflects on what Matt's friendship has done for him and Near throughout the story while Matt sleeps. Originally this scene was right at the beginning of chapter 24, before Mello had his talk with Near about Mikami and friendship):

The moon cast a gleaming halo of crimson onto Matt's hair. Mello watched his friend sleep, glad that somebody was having a peaceful night at least. It took a lot of energy, but I'm glad I caused a scene—it made him realize how important he is to me. To Near too, I guess... He shook his head; he wasn't at odds with Near now, there was no need to frown at the thought of him and Matt being friends anymore. Still, old habits died hard...

In all the years that Mello had known Matt, he'd never seen him do anything like this. Matt had always been a follower, a "go-with-the-flow" kind of guy...until this week, he had never gotten angry at or even talked back to Mello. He had been content to follow the blonde wherever he went and to be his best friend...

Times change, I guess. Hm. The blonde smirked to himself, It's not like Matt's the only one who's changing. Since when do I want to protect Near or worry about him, nevermind talk with him for anything but a fight?

He could thank Matt for that.

Matt had suddenly spoken up and taught him what it was to be a friend in one short conversation. In a day he'd decided to turn around hatred that had been boiling for years and try to give friendship with Near an honest chance. He was sure that he wouldn't have even dreamed of doing such a thing if not for the redhead.

Matt, you're wrong about yourself, Mello thought, glancing at the dinosaur standing silent guard over the redhead from the bedside table. You're every bit as much of a genius as the rest of us.

(Scene 02—Mello and Near scene from chapter 24 in which Mello and Near discuss what Mikami may or may not have done to Near):

Of course he chooses the incident that I do not wish to talk about as the one that he thinks will be important to discuss with me as a sign that we are friends... That was what this was about, then—Mello was attempting to be a good friend and help him get over this whole Mikami incident. Lucky me...

"Mello..." He sighed, letting his eyes wander over the blind-stenciled moonbeams on the floor—back and forth, a slow, comforting pattern.

"Yeah?" The blonde asked quietly, looking at the beams too. He sounded tired, and maybe a bit worried. He is really concerned for me...I don't understand how he can switch from hate to friendship so quickly. Unless of course maybe Mello had never hated him as much as he'd always claimed to...

He took a deep breath; time to get to the heart of the matter once and for all.

"I am glad that you care about my well-being. Really." Even if it is "really" strange of you to do so... He smiled faintly, then let the expression fade to seriousness again, adding, "I don't know how to prove to you that Mr. Mikami didn't do anything to me, but that is the truth."

Declaring that wouldn't work, of course—he'd already said this much several times now, and Mello was definitely still convinced that he was lying. Convinced that "something else" had happened... I cannot disprove something without even knowing what it is. Perhaps bluntness is what this situation calls for...

"Mello..." He turned to face the blonde, looking him in the eye. Mello looked back silently, frowning a little more at the intent stare focused on him. "What do you believe that Mr. Mikami did to me?" Near asked, a bit curiously and a bit accusingly too. "You keep saying that I am lying, but you never say what you believe the truth is."

Mello gritted his teeth, looking like he was about to say something, but remained silent. After a moment, he broke the stare-down to look at the floor, frowned, and nodded once as if accepting the challenge. Everything from me toward him is a 'challenge', isn't it? Near kind of wished that that wasn't the case...but old habits died hard. He decided to tolerate it for now, let Mello ease into this whole friendship situation slowly. I can't claim to be that good at adapting to friendship, myself, after all...it is very strange to sit and talk with him like this.

Now that he thought of it, this was the first conversation between them that he could remember in which Mello wasn't outright hostile. Hm. He is actually doing very well at this so far.

"You want me to just say it?" Mello said, interrupting his train of thought. "Fine. If I say what I think the truth is straight-out, will you tell me what you think the truth is just as honestly?" He turned back to the smaller boy, blue eyes shining pale in the moonlight. Glinting a challenge to Near... Maybe not so much a challenge...he is giving me a chance to back out if I really don't want to hear what he is going to say. He...really believes that something awful has happened, doesn't he? It was a bit touching that the blonde was concerned that what he said might upset him, even if it was entirely unnecessary.

"Yes," Near answered solemnly. "Please tell me what you believe he has done to me."

"...I don't think he just touched your stomach," the blonde replied after a moment, a trace of anger escaping into his voice. "I think he...molested you. And maybe worse, too—maybe-"

"Rape?" Near asked flatly, crossing his arms in an imitation of the blonde's posture. Mello stiffened at the word, but only crossed his arms tighter, offering no reply. I guessed...correctly? Near cocked his head, "Is that really what you believe he did to me, Mello?" I would be a lot more disturbed if something like that had happened. He looked up at the blonde, who was watching his face carefully.

"You tell me," he said heavily, sighing. "Tell me the truth—I can keep it a secret if that's what you want, just...you've gotta talk about this to somebody."

We've all been thinking it, but he's the one who finally comes out and says it. Mello didn't even want to add the word "rape" and Mikami's and Near's names together in a sentence, much less think about the scenario that the combination painted, but Near had said the word calmly, frankly. He didn't seem disturbed to talk about it. He didn't seem upset to talk about Mikami yesterday, either—that doesn't mean anything. He's probably just good at hiding it!

Near was good at hiding emotions in general, he was learning—seeing him break down in tears had made it clear that he was as human as anybody. Obviously the white-haired boy wasn't as cold as he usually conveyed himself to be... Maybe it's my fault for never bothering to get to know him enough to get past that person, though. I was so busy trying to beat him at something, anything...that I completely overlooked anything that there couldn't be a definite victor in. Anything that would paint him and Near as equal he had avoided...and so he'd denied himself a lot of things over the years that he actually wouldn't have minded doing. What a stupid way to live. Ugh.

He would change his ways now, though—now that Matt had given him a chance to try things over. I'll show Near I'm more than I appear, too—I'll show him the sides of me that he's never seen before. Near's perspective of him was likely as narrow as his perspective of Near had always been; he'd never shown the white-haired boy any parts of his personality besides the angry, frustrated and competitive ones, after all. At Mikami's place he had been too concerned about what had happened to Near to hide it; that had been a glimpse of his real self, but he doubted that Near had been paying any attention at the time.

That's fine—I've got all the chances in the world. I'm gonna start with this Mikami thing—he's hiding something, something that he might not be able to handle on his own. I won't let him convince himself he's alone when he has friends now...

That was why, whether Near wanted him to or not, Mello was determined to help him. There's no way I'm gonna sit by and watch any friend of mine suffer! I went and saved him from the real Mikami—why won't he let me help with the imaginary one?

"...I was scared that he would." The very soft admission drifted to his ears; he wasn't sure how long they had sat in silence, but finally, finally Near seemed to be opening up a bit. Mello glanced at him; the white-haired boy looked serious and calm, but there was a faraway look in his eyes as he gazed across the floor in front of them. The moonlight filtering through the blinds was farther from them than it had been awhile ago; the crisp straight beams barely touched the toes of Mello's boots now, falling in crooked lines across the foot of the bed and onto the floor.

"I suppose it took my escape attempt to realize...how helpless I really was," the white-haired boy continued, sounding a bit uncomfortable with what he was saying. He plunged ahead anyway, though, adding, "Before he restrained me, I was certain that I could escape...that I would escape. Once I made the call to you, I had hope that you were coming, too. But...then, after hours, y-you hadn't come...I began to believe that my call was not enough to locate me by."

"Mikami had two addresses," Mello explained quietly, watching him sidelong. He hadn't want to say anything, for fear that once Near stopped and realized what he was saying he wouldn't start again, but he felt like he owed him an explanation for that. "The first was for show; I checked it out and found it empty, and that's why it took me so long to get to you..." I'm sorry—if I'd found the right place the first time...

"That's interesting," Near said, his tone contradicting the words. He fidgeted, crinkling a section of his shirt's bottom hem uncomfortably. "...As Dr. Lidner has already said, I have no injuries besides the ones I gave myself while trying to escape. A few bruises and some sore wrists..." He looked down at his unbandaged wrist; the bandages on the other were thinner than the first time around, the emergency dressings replaced with regular ones now that the wound wasn't bleeding anymore.

"And blood loss," Mello pointed out, frowning. Dr. Lidner only did a superficial examination and I know it. And there was blood all over you when I found you...

"Yes, from the IV needle that I pulled out myself," Near said pointedly, sighing. "Mikami only had it on his hands because he bandaged my wrist after I tried to escape."

"Then why was it on your stomach? That means he had to touch you everywhere there was blood except for your wrist, right?" Mello felt angry again just thinking about it. Near had been so shaken when he'd finally gotten him untied... It couldn't have all been over thinking Matt was dead. He was acting like something traumatic just happened to him—and Mikami was in the middle of taking his clothes off, dammit! How can I believe he didn't do anything?

"Yes...he touched everywhere that was red," Near admitted quietly. "I...am not saying that his intentions were good, Mello. I am only saying that you arrived before he could actually do anything to me..." He closed his eyes, bowing his head. "I was scared. I have never felt so helpless in my whole life...I-I really thought that you weren't coming for me. And so...I told myself, 'it's okay to not be calm, it's okay to panic now'. You have seen me more helpless than I ever want anyone to see me again, Mello..." His voice shook a little; Mello listened intently, wondering what to believe.

He sounds like he means it... It was true that Mikami had just started removing his shirt when Mello had shown up. Was it possible that Near was only so shaken because he had tried to escape, failed, and realized that he had no control over the situation? Maybe...but it's pretty likely that he's lying. Near was good at lying; he seemed to take after L in that regard.

But he said it, himself—Dr. Lidner examined him and said the injuries we know about are the only ones. If Mikami did anything else...there would be some sort of physical evidence to show for it. He didn't want to think about such things...but he had to know for sure what had happened. So, rape is out of the question. Mikami could have touched him anywhere before his hands got all bloody, though, and left no evidence behind. Nobody would know except for him and Near...

Near didn't like to think back on what had happened in too much detail...but it was necessary. He had to make Mello understand, to make him believe him. I am not sure why it bothers me so much that he believes something worse happened to me...but I don't like it.

"As far as Mr. Mikami's motives are concerned," he spoke up again, more confidently, "I can say firsthand that he is definitely delusional. He seemed convinced throughout the incident that I was still a patient in a hospital in which he worked...and during the day and a half that I was there, he switched roles from nurse to doctor, and almost to...surgeon." He frowned faintly at this last, recalling the small brown case of surgical instruments. If Mello hadn't arrived when he did, I would have learned very quickly whether he would have administered imaginary painkillers or real ones before redoing my stitches...

"Surgeon?" Mello stared at him. "Is that what the case of scalpels and stuff was for? That's...ugh!"

Near smirked a bit at the blonde's disgusted expression, looking down at the moonbeams as they crept across the floor.

"My point is that he behaved very much like a nurse or doctor would have," he murmured, "It may have looked like something else, but I believe that he only removed my shirt so that he could see the incision from my surgery." Do you understand? He didn't do anything to me, really.

That he could remember...

Recalling the tall man's calm face and gentle, "it's-for-your-own-good" tone of voice from the nightmares, he shivered a little. Obviously I suspected that he had worse intentions too, though, for my mind to portray him in such a way. Maybe realizing what Mello and Matt believed had happened had affected his thoughts on it before going to sleep. The dreams had been unrealistic, of course—Mikami would have left quietly with him before trying to take his shirt off, he was sure. Or trying to...kiss me. And that is disregarding the most obvious error: that in real life, Mr. Mikami is in jail.

Enough of this—I am tired of talking about and hearing about and dreaming about Mr. Mikami.

"Mello..." The blonde sighed, toying with the silver cross on his rosary absently. He didn't look up when Near said his name.

"Yeah," he acknowledged flatly. A head of fluffy white hair leaned into his vision; Near's dark eyes were peering up at his face suddenly, inches away and filled with hesitation.

"Are you my friend now?"

Mello sweatdropped, Isn't that what I've been trying to explain for the past fifteen minutes? Outwardly, though, he only smiled a bit.

"Yeah. We're friends."

-End Chapter 28 (see you in chapter 29...)

AN: I haven't published something to FFN in over a decade. This feels like a time capsule situation. Whether you're an old reader returning or brand spankin' new, please leave me a comment if you enjoyed the story!

-Threshie