Author's Note: Hey, guys! Thanks so much for your feedback last chapter. It was great to hear who everyone is rooting for to win. I can only hope I did this story justice! This is officially the last chapter of the main game, but there will be a bonus chapter that will be posted in two weeks. :D
Big Brother: South Park Edition
Week 9 – "The Week Where It All Comes to an End" (Part 4)
"Hello, everyone!" Token greets in his boisterous announcer tone as he clasps his hands and turns to the central camera, "We are back for the live vote reveal. As you can see, the key box is standing here in front of me," he states, theatrically gesturing to the colorful box that is standing on the podium by the short end of the coffee table, "So kudos to Kenny for tricking Stan and Craig into competing against each other to carry this over here."
"Who won?" Stan calls out from the sofa.
Token laughs and raises his eyebrow, "It was a tie," Stan frowns as Token faces forward and eyes the two remaining houseguests, "Now, we are gathered for the last time this season to declare the first-ever winner of Big Brother. You know, there's been plenty of laughs and plenty of cries – plenty of houseguests who have eyes," the host pauses and smirks, his white teeth sparkling from the ceiling lights, "And now you can get that slogan on a t-shirt, so definitely check that out on our website," he not-so-subtly advertises, before clearing his throat, "Anyway, before we get started, I just want to thank everyone for making this show what it is – especially me. God knows we couldn't have done it without my expertise," he brags; Cartman rolls his eyes behind him. "But seriously, if it weren't for the cast members and crew and you the viewers, I never would've been able to afford my second vacation home. So thanks, everybody, for making me even richer!"
"Jesus Christ, Token. You really are the worst person I ever met," Cartman gruffly grunts, crossing his chubby arms in a huff, "No wonder why Nichole left you."
"HEY! THAT WAS A MUTUAL DECISION, AND YOU KNOW IT, FATASS!" Token sneers, his rage-filled outburst causing a few of the houseguests to flinch. Token turns his back to the camera and takes a deep breath. He counts to three and releases a calming exhale, feeling serenity flowing back through his veins. Token turns to the contestants and gives his best lighthearted chuckle before easing back into the task at hand. "So, there are eight keys in this key box," he states, gently tapping the surface, the jurors and the finalists zoned in on the podium, "It takes five to win the crown. If a winner is declared before all the votes are read, that's okay – the remaining jurors will still have an opportunity to reveal their votes. If there is a 4-4 tie, the winner will be determined by the viewers' vote, which is sealed in this mystery envelope," he states, holding it up proudly.
"Ooh, shiny!" Clyde awes, his pupils dilating.
"Yes. Quite," Token nods, rubbing his palms together in eager anticipation, "Now, without further ado, it is time for the jury to reveal their votes. Jurors, you know how this works," Token begins, turning to the eight individuals who are situated on the surrounding sofas, "When I call your name, you will walk up to the key box, address the finalists, and reveal your vote. If there are no more questions, Kenny, why don't you get us started?" Token announces, stepping back from the podium and taking his seat on the arm of the leftmost sofa.
"Righty-o!" Kenny beams, clapping his hands as he springs out of his seat. He saunters over to the key box, his tongue sticking out of the corner of his lip, like he's about to unwrap a double bacon cheeseburger. "Hey, guys. It's great to see everybody again. I think you both did outstanding, but I could only vote for one of you," Kenny begins, the finalists watching with bated breath as he carefully pulls up the golden key from his slot, "So, I voted for Kyle because I believe he was the best strategic player this season and he had the tougher journey, going through a whopping three breakups over the course of this game. So, congratulations, buddy!" Kenny beams, passing by a smiling Kyle on his way back to his seat.
"Alright. Kyle, you received the first vote and are up 1-0," Token recaps to the masses, "Stan, if you're finished glaring at Craig, it's time for you to reveal your vote," he states, Stan widening his eyes and sweatdropping at the callout. He stands up from his seat and awkwardly shuffles over to the key box.
Stan stops, narrows in on the redheaded finalist, and sighs, "Kyle, day one I promised I would stick by you and I'm a man of my word in that regard, so…my vote is for you," Stan says, pulling out his golden key, which has Kyle's name etched into the side, "I love you, man," he sincerely confesses, tearing up a bit as he reveals this to the world.
Kyle nods, unsure of what to say as he feels ten sets of eyes staring at him, "Oh. Um, thanks."
"Rejection…" Craig whispers, causing Stan to snap his neck around and shoot his rival a glare.
"Ookay, um, that was certainly something. But Kyle is now leading this vote, 2-0," Token clarifies, hoping to talk through all the awkwardness and really get this ball rolling, "Alright, fatass. Let's hear your delusional spiel."
"AYE! It's not delusional, it's 100% grounded in truth!" Cartman shouts, pulling himself up off the sofa with an angry puff. He waddles over to the podium and stands behind it, determined to make a stand, "Well, Token wouldn't let me vote for myself," Cartman scoffs, giving the host the side-eye, "so, I had to settle and vote for the person who had the closest game to mine," the fatass reaches forward, lifts his key up, and lackadaisically flashes the name to the camera, "Here you go, Kahl. You owe me $450,000," he grunts, plopping the key down on the coffee table. Craig shakes his head as Cartman flops back down on the sofa cushion.
"Well, I was not expecting this, but the vote is now 3-0. Kyle, you need just two votes to win," Token states, turning to the leftmost finalist, who gives the host a firm nod, "Tweek, in order for you to win, you must receive all five of the remaining votes." Tweek nods in understanding, tearing up at his impending failure. The blonde sniffs, looking like he is about to burst into tears at any moment. "Alright, Lord Sexington. Quit looking like a nervous wreck and get over here," Token instructs, gesturing Craig forth towards the podium.
Craig gulps and quickly stands up, his legs wobbling like gelatin as he makes his way over to his key. He takes a deep breath, his nerves dwindling a tad when he locks eyes with his boyfriend. "Hey, honey," Craig anxiously greets, nervously shoving his hands into his tuxedo pockets, "Fifty-seven days ago, we came into this house as boyfriends, and we didn't really know where this game would take us," Craig states, sweating profusely under the ceiling lights. He pauses to take a breather, running his fingers through his dark hair as his heart pounds frantically in his chest. "I'm sorry, just give me a minute," Craig says, turning away from the crowd.
Tweek slowly stands up from his lounge chair in concern, gazing out at his usually impassive boyfriend – everyone else around him just melting away in his mind as he zones in on his bae. "Craig, are you okay?" he asks, clasping his hands with Craig's own like magnets.
"Yeah, I'm fine," Craig confesses, barely able to look at him, "Just-babe, I am so in love with you."
Tweek sniffles, an endearing smile shining on his face, "I am so in love with you too."
Craig swallows, his eyes landing on Clyde, who gives him an encouraging double thumbs up from the sofa. The stoic exhales and turns courageously back to his boyfriend, who hasn't taken his eyes off him since Craig got to the podium. "Tweek, I am so proud of you. You have no idea. When I saw you after you wet your pants and were all covered in vomit after you stood up against Cartman, I swear I was never more attracted to you in my life."
"Aww, Craig," Tweek coos, tearing up a bit.
"I mean it. I can't live without you, babe. And I don't want to try," Craig breathes, winded as he pushes out these words.
Tweek cocks his forehead, never seeing his boyfriend so choked up before, "Are you dying or something?"
"Well, we're all slowly dying, but I'm not dying any quicker than usual," Craig quips through an awkward smile, "Sorry, I know that wasn't very comforting, but the point is I love you, Tweek," Craig admits, tearing up through his confession while Clyde looks on like a proud uncle behind him, "so much, and if you'll have me, I want to spend the rest of my life with you," Craig reveals, shaking as he kneels in front of Tweek. The blonde gasps and turns to the other jurors, who are all watching with a mix of excited and flabbergasted expressions. Tweek gazes back down at his boyfriend, who is now tenderly holding onto his hand as he uses his spare hand to scrounge through his coat pocket, "Tweek Tweak, will you marry me?"
"Oh my God, are you serious?" Tweek squeaks, covering his mouth with his hand, hoping to ease their nerves with a quip, "And did you seriously just use the word vomit in a marriage proposal?" he smiles.
Craig laughs, "I told you I was going to do it Week 1, and I meant it, babe," he states, still searching through his pockets for the ring, "Goddammit! Now, what did I do with that thing?"
"Ah…so that's why you left the house," Stan remarks while Clyde is on the verge of happy tears across the room.
"Don't worry! I got you, bro," Clyde promises, pulling out the fuzzy black box from his jacket pocket and handing it to his best friend. A wave of relief washes across Craig's face once he holds it.
"Thank you, Clyde," Craig sincerely says through a sigh, "You're the best friend a guy could ask for." Clyde's face lights up like a Christmas tree at this praise. Craig turns back to Tweek and holds the box out to him. "Tweek, will you-?"
"-Yes!" Tweek chimes, his eyes wide in excitement.
Craig simpers, "You didn't even see the ring."
"Screw the ring; I want you!" Tweek practically screams, accidentally knocking the ring box out of Craig's hand as he lunges, pulling Craig into a passionate kiss. Craig moans as they start making out.
"Thank God he used that breath spray," Clyde comments while South Park's hottest couple continues to make out in front of them, "You really are a lifesaver, Bebe," Clyde states with a playful nudge.
Bebe boastfully straightens up in her seat, "I know," she beams.
"I don't understand, is this supposed to be romantic?" Stan wonders, cringing slightly at the display, "Cause I feel like I'm going to vomit!"
"Craig," Token sighs, standing up and cautiously approaching the entangled pair, who are seated on the floor. The host taps Craig on the shoulder, "Craig, come on, we gotta move this along. You gotta reveal your vote."
Craig pulls back slightly, still holding Tweek at arm's length as he stares up at his friend, "Oh, sorry."
The noirette slowly stands up and smooths his tux out as Tweek quickly fixes his unkempt hair beside him. Craig leans forward and pulls out his key. "I voted for Kyle," he smirks, "I'm just kidding, babe. I voted for you," he beams, turning his key and revealing his vote to the camera.
"Engagement over," Tweek jokes, a huge smile gracing his face as he walks back to his seat with his love, Craig quickly picking up the discarded ring box along the way – the pair soaring on cloud nine.
"Alright, with that exciting spectacle, the vote is now 3-1 in favor of Kyle," Token announces, clasping his hands and rubbing them together, "but here comes Miss Wendy Testaburger!" he exclaims, double pointing to the ravenness.
Kyle gulps as Wendy struts over to the key box. She turns to the finalists, a mischievous glint in her eyes while she places her hands on her hips. "Kyle, believe it or not, my vote wasn't sealed until ten minutes ago. I think you were outplayed in all aspects of the game by the person sitting next to you. Your strategic game was good, but Tweek's was legendary," Wendy states, trying to remain as emotionless as possible while she turns to her former alliance member, "Tweek, I think you were the ultimate underdog. I don't think anyone going into this – except for Craig – thought that you could do this, but clearly, we were wrong. It was an honor playing with you. It was an even bigger honor getting to know you. Congratulations."
Tweek nods, tearing up as these words sink in and she flashes him her key, "Thank you, Wendy," he squeaks, wiping a few tears off his cheek.
"Okay. Bebe, you are up. The vote is now 3-2 in favor of Kyle," Token states like clockwork.
Bebe smiles and stands up out of her seat, her emerald dress barely brushing against the carpet as she makes her way to the podium. She stops in front of it and flashes her picture-perfect smile. "Kyle, your game was impressive, but unfortunately you made one fatal mistake," she begins, giving a confident grin, "Week 5, Tweek and Craig are on the block, Craig comes up to you and tells you to vote him off. I don't know why the hell you listened to him," she states, earning a laugh from her fellow jurors, "But you had four weeks to fix it, and you didn't. And now the best player in the game is sitting next to you in the finals. As this game progressed, you weakened. He got stronger," Bebe says firmly, pointing to the blonde. Kyle nods, his gaze drifting to the floor, "Kyle, you played this game like a machine, but Tweek played this game like a human being. And that's why he gets my vote," Bebe reveals, pulling her golden key out of the box and tactfully showcasing it to the camera.
"Thank you, Bebe," Token states, watching as the blonde bombshell makes her way back to her seat, "We're tied 3-3. That's how you can tell it's a great season," Token comments, smiling from ear to ear, "We have two votes left to reveal. Donovan, you're next."
"Whoo! YES!" Clyde cries, springing out of his seat and racing over to the podium like he's competing in the Denver Marathon. Clyde claps his hands and grins at the duo, "Hey, guys!" he eccentrically greets before diving right in, "Kyle, you did great. I think if it was anyone else sitting beside you, you would've had a winning game. Your journey was strategically impressive, but Tweek's journey had heart and made me want to root for him every step of the way, so my vote is for Tweek!" he beams, pulling the key up with his bro's name on it.
"Oh my goodness. It's 4-3 in favor of Tweek, and we only have one vote left. This is a dream scenario for a reality competition. I'm going to be swimming in money! This really couldn't have worked out any better for me," Token gushes as Clyde returns to his seat, passing by Butters, who is nervously approaching the podium, "Now Butters, you're the key. You know how high the stakes are. Your vote will either force a tie or crown a winner. Just as a reminder to the viewers at home, if Butters' vote is for Kyle, it will force a tie and we will consult the shiny silver envelope," Token proclaims, proudly holding it up in his palm, "If Butters' vote is for Tweek, then Tweek will become the first-ever winner of this game and receive the $500,000 grand prize that goes along with it. And – more importantly – the Big Brother trampoline," he boasts, gesturing to the backyard. The trampoline stands, slightly askew, with a small swarm of flies hovering around it, "So, Butters, whenever you're ready…" Token trails off with a showy, accentuated bow.
Butters nods, gulping once he realizes he has everyone's undivided attention. He turns to the finalists, anxiously tapping his knuckles together. Butters takes a deep breath and proceeds, "Okay, fellas. Before I reveal my vote, I just want to say that I think you all did a fantastic job playing this game, and you guys should be very proud. Honestly, you're both winners in my eyes. Kyle, you were a great strategic player; Tweek, you were great socially," he compliments gesturing from one to the other, "You took two completely different paths to the end and, gee, I respect the both of you so much. I just want you fellas to know that I've kept quiet on my views 'til this moment. I haven't told anybody how I'm voting, or any of my thoughts on the two of you. I came in here with an open mind. I had no idea who I was going to vote for coming into this ceremony because I wanted to give each of you fellas a fair shot," Butters pauses, taking a breather, the room dead silent around him as everyone present hangs on his every word, "In terms of the game, I think you both had obstacles to overcome and you both overcame them. Tweek, you targeting me Week 2 was a strategic move, as was me throwing your name out, so I'm not going to count that against you at all. It's part of the game. And I have no doubt if our roles were reversed that you would do the same for me," Tweek nods as Butters clasps his hands together.
"But because you fellas were so evenly matched, it all came down to one thing for me. There's only one thing I value more than the strategy, more than the money, more than all the HOH wins in the world…and that's how you treat other people. Particularly how you treat other people in your two highest extremes: when you have power and when your back is against the wall," Butters states firmly, his intensity causing Token to raise an eyebrow, impressed, "Now, just because I kept my perspective on the two of you secret, doesn't mean that I wasn't listening to what our fellow houseguests were saying. In fact, I was probably listening a lot more than some of these other people because, you know, I only spent two weeks with you fellas. And after living with the both of you, watching all the tapes, and gathering all the intel from my fellow jury members, I feel that one of you truly encapsulates everything that this game should stand for. But before I reveal who, I just want to share some things that I heard about the two of you."
Butters smiles and turns to the leftmost finalist, "Kyle, people called you fiery, they called you determined, one juror in particular said that you were a spineless jellyfish," Butters speaks, scrunching his forehead at the dig as Kyle does the same, "Now, I didn't think that was very nice, but to each their own, I reckon'. Tweek," Butters pauses, turning to his fellow blonde, "You were a bit different. There was one thing I kept hearing over and over again about you from the evicted houseguests. They said you were fearless. They said that you were strong…but not in the way most people expected," Butters recaps, swallowing before continuing on, "One juror said you were strong because of your insane endurance, another said you were strong because you let Cartman's comments just roll off your back, but the one that stuck out to me the most was one that a juror who came into the house sobbing said. They said you were strong because you made them feel heard when they were faced with adversity; you made them feel like they mattered; you were their rock when they thought their whole world was falling apart. And if you ask me, that's the kind of person who deserves the title. That's why today, I would like to be the first to congratulate Tweek for winning Big Brother!" Butters exclaims as he pulls out his golden key with Tweek's name on it, so moved, he is tearing up himself.
Tweek's jaw drops the second he sees his name on the key. He covers his mouth with both hands, hunches over in his seat, and sobs the happiest tears he has all season as all around him, the jurors start celebrating. The rightmost couch, featuring Craig, Clyde, Bebe, and Wendy, springs out of their seats to rush over to him while the leftmost couch follows close behind.
"And just to make it official: Congratulations, Tweek," Token attempts to shout over the abundance of cheers, "you have just been crowned the winner of Big Brother by a 5-3 vote and have won $500,000!"
"YEAH!" Craig pounces on Tweek, pulling him into a bear hug.
"I bet you're really glad you proposed to him now, huh?" Cartman remarks, the fatass standing next to Stan, who is giving a golf clap.
Kenny watches as Kyle's portrait fades to black and white, leaving Tweek's portrait the only color photo on the Memory Wall. Token smiles as he grabs Tweek's headshot and places it under the Wall of Winners, which had been empty until this very moment. He steps back, sighing in satisfaction as he admires his work.
"YES!" Clyde cheers, so excited that he is literally bouncing up and down on the carpet, "I told you Craig and Those Guys would prevail!"
"You did not! Tweek was a part of our group first!" Cartman reminds him, poking Clyde harshly in the shoulder.
Clyde shakes his head, "Nuh-uh. He hung out with us before you guys, and he left your group to join ours. Plus, he's Craig's boyfriend, so that means Tweek's one of us! Tie goes to the boyfriend, Cartman. I don't make the rules," he gloats with a smirk, turning commendably to his friend, who is now enveloped in a sea of hugs from both Craig and the girls.
Tweek pulls back once Kyle approaches, offering his hand out to the winner. "Congratulations, Tweek. You earned it," Kyle sincerely states with a smile.
Tweek shakes his hand and immediately pulls him into a hug, "Thank you, Kyle," he sniffs.
Rainbow confetti shoots into the air from the floor as the diary room door swings open. Kyle's face lights up when he sees his brother, Ike, darting over to him. "Ike!" Kyle chimes, the redhead instantly cheering up as he gives his bro a hug.
"Wow, Token, I'm impressed. This is probably the nicest thing you've done all season," Craig states, standing side by side next to the host with his arms crossed as he watches Kyle gleefully conversing with his brother.
"No, Craig," Token answers smugly, "That is," he emphasizes, nodding his forehead in the direction of the diary room door while behind him, Butters pulls Tweek into a hug.
Kyle freezes when Dee appears in the doorway, the pair speechless as few of the cast stops what they are doing to watch them. Kyle and Dee smile when they make eye contact, a gleeful excitement jolting through their bodies. In a matter of seconds, they simultaneously race over and meet in a long-awaited kiss, the action igniting an array of responses. Nearby, Stan shakes his head, Cartman glares, Wendy shifts uncomfortably, and Kenny shoots Kyle a thumbs up.
Kyle sniffles as he pulls away slightly, holding his girlfriend affectionately by the shoulders, their voices both at a whisper, "I just can't believe you did all that for me," he says, so overjoyed he feels like his heart is going to burst.
Dee tears up, cradling his face as she wipes the tears away from his eyes, Kyle's hands sliding down to her biceps, "Why? You make it so easy to love you," she confesses, leaning forward and kissing him again.
Token blinks twice, a small smile on his face as he watches Kyle and his former ex-girlfriend reunite. He turns to the side, his eyes glistening over his raven-haired friend and leader, "So, did you think about what I said?" he asks.
"Yeah, and there's no way I'm doing this again," Craig replies, staring straight ahead at the wall as they continue to stand side by side amongst the chaos.
"Well, you should," Token speaks in an uncharacteristically genuine tone, "It's time to start putting yourself first for once. Besides, I really think you could win. You could maybe even be one of the greats," he states, Craig immediately laughing at the ridiculousness of this statement. Token frowns, "Hey, I see potential. And I know Tweek does too," he chimes, pulling out the big guns before he sashays away in picturesque slow motion.
Craig stands alone, Token's words stunning him to his core. He watches in silent contemplation as the host heads across the room and over to his boyfriend.
Tweek sighs dejectedly as he stands at a distance, happy for his fellow finalist, but swirling in a hurricane of anxiety. "Please tell me you didn't bring my family to this," Tweek pleads, barely looking up at the host.
"Of course not, Tweek. I brought your real family," Token exclaims, turning cunningly towards the diary room door. "Come on in, guys!"
Tweek turns to the diary room, waiting in nervous anticipation as he prays to every god he knows that Token isn't up to his usual host trickery. His face lights up like a kaleidoscope when Craig's entire family comes barreling into the living room, followed by Jimmy, who crutches in behind the three Tuckers. Tricia is even holding Stripe, who Craig immediately snatches from her – more excited to see him than his sister and his own parents. "Stripe! I missed you, buddy!" Craig coos and starts nuzzling Stripe against his face.
"God, you are such an ass!" Tricia sasses, shaking her head at her brother's antics, complete with a roll of her eyes.
The Tuckers all take turns lavishing Tweek with praise and hugs, the winner tearing up from all the familial love and acceptance that he never received from his own parents as they congratulate him on both the win and his engagement.
After a short while, Craig pulls Tweek aside and whispers into his ear, "Do you have my hat?"
Tweek holds up the Stripe doppelgänger plushie, which is now sporting Craig's chullo on its almond-shaped head.
Craig chuckles, seemingly entranced by the display, "That's fuckin' adorable."
Tweek lovingly sighs as he pulls Craig into an embrace, holding him at arm's length, so he doesn't crush either Stripe. He smiles while he gazes into Craig's eyes, "Take me home, my Peruvian Prince!"
Craig cocks his eyebrow, "What was that, babe?"
Tweek pulls back slightly, blushing profusely at his accidental slip. "Nothing!"
"Well, that's a wrap!" Token announces, clapping his hands as he stands in the very center of the living room, an excited Clyde waving to the camera behind him – him and Kenny taking turns making funny faces into it, "What a perfect way to end this monumental season. I want to thank everyone for tuning in week after week to watch this crazy adventure. Join us next season where we make Cartman play with a house full of Jersey ginger Jews."
"Yeah…" Cartman agrees, next to the coffee table. He snaps his neck around, "Wait, what?!"
Token laughs and waves cheekily to the camera, "Goodnight, everybody!"