Jennie
I stood there looking at her in shock, my mouth hanging open like a complete and utter moron. What on earth is she talking about my marriage wasn't legal? Of course it was legal; I was her wife in body and spirit, so what if we used a fake id to actually go through with the ceremony. She accepted it and so did Richard, for the last couple of weeks she'd been telling me how proud she was that we were married and happy, and now she was taking it all back?
I looked at the doctor, waiting for him to tell her that she was talking trash, that if Lisa and I chose to give ourselves to each other then that was good enough for him. He looked between the two of us, his gaze flicking down to my ring on my finger again before looking back at me.
"Is that true? You used a fake id to get married?" he asked eyeing me cautiously.
I gulped and nodded, I didn't like the way he was looking at me, he didn't look like he was going to be jumping to my defense anytime soon. "Yeah but that doesn't mean that I'm not her wife. Lisa and I said those words to each other and we both meant them. We're married and that's final."
Linda stepped forward towards the doctor, swiping at her teary face I noticed that she didn't even glance in my direction. "I'll take it to a lawyer if I have to," she repeated.
I looked at her unable to believe what I was hearing. She was seriously going to stop Lisa going in for surgery and risk her never being able to walk again? She knew what type of person Lisa was; she knew Lisa'd hate her life if she had to spend it like that. I couldn't let that happen, she was thinking about herself not Lisa. She wasn't thinking about how Lisa life would change and how she would never be able to walk or run or do the things that she loved to do the most.
The initial shock was disappearing to be replaced by anger, no it wasn't anger, it was blind rage. "What the hell are you doing?" I screamed, grabbing her arm and yanking her around to face me. I wanted to look into her face when I told her she was being a selfish bitch and that Lisa was going to hate her when she woke up and found out what she'd sentenced her to.
She glared at me with watery eyes, her face was desperate and sad but I just didn't care, this wasn't about her and she needed to woman up and grow a pair. "I'm not signing that form, and neither are you," she stated, her voice breaking slightly.
"You're being selfish Linda! You think Lisa's going to thank you for this? You think she's going to turn around and say 'gee thanks mom, I know I'm never going to be able to achieve my dreams but you did the right thing in committing me to a wheelchair for life.' You really think your daughter is going to be grateful to you for this?" I cried, throwing my hands up in exasperation.
"At least she'll be alive!" she shouted, her face going slightly red as she started to get angry too.
"She'll wish she wasn't, I would bet my life on it. You think you know her but you don't, if you think this is the decision that Lisa would make then you don't know her at all," I growled. My hands were itching to grab her and shake the life out of her, to slap her face until she saw sense. She was going to ruin my baby's life and there was nothing I could do about it.
"If she goes in there then there's a thirty percent chance she won't come back out!" she shouted sneering at me.
I felt my heart start to break as I thought about it but I quickly dismissed it, Lisa wouldn't let that happen, she wouldn't, because if she left me then I would have to kick her ass and that wouldn't be pretty. I shook my head, "That won't happen. It won't," I stated confidently.
"You're the one being selfish here, not me. You just want to send her in there so you won't have to be stuck with her in a wheelchair for the rest of your life," she growled, her face hard and hurtful.
My whole body went cold before white hot anger coursed through my veins. Before I knew what I was doing I stepped forward and slapped her hard across the face. "Don't you ever doubt my love for your daughter! I will always love Lisa and I don't care if she can't walk, but she would and that's the point here! You think I want to risk her life? Is that the type of person that you think I am Linda? You think I want to purposely put her in danger, I don't. I don't want her to go in there at all because I could lose her, but I need her happy and this life you're sentencing her to is going to make her miserable. I hope you can live with that."
I turned to look at Richard; he was just standing there with his mouth open staring between the two of us. He seemed to be stuck to the spot, I'm not even sure he was breathing. "Richard, you can sign the form too," I said looking at him pleadingly. He was my last hope here, if I could just convince him to sign it instead….
Linda turned and glared at him, "If you dare sign that form I will never forgive you," she stated, lifting her chin and looking at him warningly.
When did she become such a bitch? "If you don't sign that form your daughter will never forgive you," I stated just as confidently.
Richard just looked confused; he was pale, his eyes flicking between the two of us so fast that I would have laughed if the situation weren't utterly heartbreaking. He sucked in a deep breath through his teeth and gripped his hands in his hair before turning to look at the doctor. "How long will be it before she wakes up so she can decide for herself?" he asked weakly.
I looked back to the doctor, he had just remained silent through this whole exchange, standing there watching us scream at each other in the hallway. "It could be a couple of hours, or it could be a couple of days. There's no way to tell for sure."
I gulped and looked back at Richard, "If you wait for her to wake up then there might not be a decision to make. Please think about Lisa, please?" I begged, willing myself not to cry. I was slowly losing the control that I had over myself as I imagined the heartbreak I would see on Lisa's face when they told her she would never walk again.
"Richard, if you sign that form and kill my daughter I will never forgive you, never," Linda hissed.
He opened and closed his mouth a couple of times but didn't say anything. I stood there watching him struggle to decide and I prayed with every bone in my body for him to make the right choice.
He didn't.
"I won't sign the form either. Lisa should make the decision herself," he whispered as a tear fell down his face.
I closed my eyes as emotions washed over my body so fast that I could barely even register what they were. Most of it was sheer and utter desperation and I could barely cope with the crushing weight of them all. I felt like I was dying inside, dying for Lisa who was going to have to live through the rest of her life being unhappy and missing out on the things she valued the most. How could two people not know their daughter like this? I knew why Linda was doing it, the thought of losing her was all she as thinking about. She wasn't thinking about long term, and how this would change Lisa, how it would affect her life.
I blew out the breath I didn't even realize I was holding and turned to the doctor. "Are you sure I can't sign the form? To Lisa I'm her wife, in spirit I'm her wife and I know she'd want this."
He shook his head, "I'm sorry but if you used a fake id to get married then in the eyes of the law then your marriage isn't legal. We had something like this happen before, not the same circumstances but the same underage marriage thing and they actually brought in lawyers to sort it out. I'm sorry but the law isn't on your side and I have to go with the next of kin, and that's a parent." He looked at me apologetically, maybe he could see my point, maybe he would make the same decision as me if he was in my place, he never said but that was the look at that was on his face.
"Can you wake her up early so that there's still a chance she could have the surgery?" I asked hopefully.
"It doesn't work like that; her body has gone into shutdown mode so that it can repair itself. She'll wake up when she's able to," he said softly.
"How long can the surgery wait?" I asked praying he would say Lisa had plenty of time to wake up and sign the form so that she could still have a good chance of walking.
He shrugged, looking at me apologetically. "It's hard to say but Dr. Kirk said the sooner the better. The chances of success diminish with each passing hour, after a couple of days then there will probably be no chance of success at all."
I nodded and swallowed my sadness. If there was nothing I could do then I needed to go and see Lisa so I could beg her to wake up early. "Can I see her?" I asked. He nodded and waved his arm up the hallways slightly. I turned back to Linda and Richard who were now hugging and crying together, and again I was struck by a wave of loneliness. "I hope you can live with yourselves after this. When you see how unhappy Lisa is, I hope that this day sticks out in your mind as the day you could have done something about it," I said emotionlessly as I turned and stepped closer to the doctor. I heard Richard groan and Linda started to sob hysterically again but I couldn't bring myself to feel sorry for them, not even one tiny bit.
The doctor turned and headed up the hallway with me following behind him feeling my heart sink with every step. He pushed open the door to a room on the right hand side of the hall and I stepped in tentatively behind him. My eyes settled on the bed and as soon as I saw Lisa laying there, I suddenly doubted that I was strong enough for this. Was I strong enough to keep up this cool calm exterior when all I wanted to do was sink to my knees and sob until I couldn't breathe? My legs were threatening to give out on me, my hands were shaking, and my stomach twisted in knots as my whole body went cold.
She was laying there with an IV line in both hands, blood going in one and fluid going in the other. She was strapped to a heart monitor that was steadily beeping next to her bed, the green line making little peaks against the black screen. There was a clear plastic tube going into her mouth that was attached to a ventilator, another tube protruding out of her right hand side, near her ribs which was obviously the chest tube they had said about that was fixing her collapsed lung. The sight of her being so helpless and frail was almost enough to send me over the edge and I fought desperately to hold onto the control I had over my emotions. I needed to be strong for her, she needed me and I couldn't let myself break down.
I pushed my legs forward and almost stumbled to the side of her bed. Her eyes were closed, she looked so peaceful, like she was in a deep sleep and if it wasn't for the tubes and wires attached to this body then I would have just shook her awake. It looked like she was faking sleep, like she was just fooling around and trying to scare me to death.
I dragged my eyes over every inch of her face, my hand found hers and I brought it up to my face being careful of the tubes. I kissed her wedding ring before turning her hand over and pressing my face into her palm, closing my eyes against the pain that was trying to consume me.
"I need you to wake up Lisa. It's really important, can you hear me? If you can hear me then I need you to wake up, baby. Please? Please open your eyes for me," I begged, pressing my lips against her palm. She didn't move, all I could hear was the steady beeping and the suck and wheeze of the ventilator as she breathed. "Lisa this is so important, can you wake up? For me baby, please?" I whispered, finally opening my eyes to look down at her. "Wake up damn it! Lisa Manoban you need to open your eyes and help me! I can't do this on my own so you need to wake the hell up!" I cried desperately as pressed my forehead to hers. I felt a single tear fall down my face, it dropped onto the tip of her nose so I kissed it away quickly, trying to compose myself.
I heard the door open again but I didn't bother turning around. I knew it was Linda, I could tell by the ragged sobs that were coming out of her. I didn't even want to see her, if I saw her then I would get angry again and there was nothing I could do so I was just focusing my attention on Lisa and getting her to wake up so she could sort this mess out herself.
She didn't wake up though. I stood there feeling numb, holding her hand to my face just staring at the heart monitor, somehow hypnotized by the line and the way it moved so steadily.
No one said anything, Richard dragged a couple of chairs over to the side of the bed and touched my shoulder to get my attention, but I refused to look at him. When Lisa wakes up, if she tells me that I was wrong and that she wouldn't have gone in for the operation, then I'll take back everything I said to them. I'll apologize and beg for their forgiveness, but until that time I wasn't even going to acknowledge their presence.
After about an hour the door opened and I flicked my eyes up to see if it was another nurse or doctor. They'd been coming in pretty regularly to check the printout for her heart monitor and to increase or decrease the dosage on her drip.
It wasn't a doctor though; it was my mom and Brian. They both looked so sad that I almost lost it and burst into helpless tears, but I caught myself just in time. My mom ran into the room and hugged me tightly, a little too tight for comfort but I couldn't be bothered to protest so I just let her do it.
"Oh god, is she ok? Why is she attached to all these machines?" my mom asked breathlessly, her face stained with tears.
"She's going to be fine," I mumbled.
Her eyes were searching my face, probably checking to see if I was ok. "Are you ok Jennie? Do you need a drink or something? You look like you're going into shock or something, why are you so calm?" she asked, rubbing my back in small circles.
I cringed away from her hand, I didn't want her touching me and comforting me. I wasn't the one that needed her attention, Lisa was. "I'm fine mom."
I could hear Brian and Richard talking, the conversation getting heated as Brian was asking about the surgery and why Lisa was not already having it if it could help her walk. I turned my head to look at him properly for the first time in over two weeks. He looked murderously angry as he glared at Richard.
"What the hell do you mean; you're waiting for Lisa to make the decision? You don't need to wait for her to wake up, are you crazy? Of course she's going to want the operation! This is Lisa we're talking about, that girl isn't happy unless she's doing something physical, you know that. Hell, I know that and she's not even my daughter!" he cried, looking between Richard and Linda in disbelief.
I smiled at his angry face. God I'd missed him so much this last couple of weeks and here he was echoing my exact feelings to Lisa's parents. He looked up at me, his eyes wide and a little scared. "Jennie, you need to send her in for the surgery, you can't do this to Lisa," he said looking at me pleadingly.
I bit my lip and shook my head as my eyes met his, "They won't let me," I whispered, knowing my voice wouldn't work if I tried to speak.
I was slowly losing it, looking at Brian was making me lose the control I had over my emotions; I could feel my cool calm exterior crumbling into a quivering mess. My heart was thumping in my chest and I just needed him to hug me and tell me that everything was going to be ok. Brian was always the one I could depend on, Brian and Lisa were the two people in my life and I would love them both forever. I just needed a hug from my dad.
"What do you mean they won't let you?" he asked, frowning and looking confused.
A tear fell down my face as I pushed myself away from Lisa's side for the first time since I had walked in the door. I threw myself at Brian wrapping my arms around his waist as I sobbed into his chest. He gasped, obviously a little taken aback before hugging me fiercely, taking most of my weight as my legs seemed to give out underneath me.
He pressed his cheek to the top of my head and rocked me gently. "It's ok pumpkin. Everything's fine, shh. It's ok," he cooed softly as I just continued to sob uncontrollably.
I breathed in his smell, the scent of axe mixed with apple shampoo that was unmistakably my step-dad. I gripped the back of his shirt tightly as he stroked my hair, still rocking me like a three year old.
"Lets go sit outside for a while and get some fresh air," he suggested, trying to pull me towards the door.
I dug my heels into the floor and shook my head quickly, pulling away from him. There was no way I was leaving Lisa, I needed to be here when she woke up, I needed to be the first person she saw when she opened her eyes. "I don't want to. She might wake up."
He smiled down at me reassuringly and wiped my tears away with his thumbs, "They'll call you Jennie. Come on, just for a couple of minutes," he said, giving me a persuasive smile.
I broke into a fresh round of sobs, "They won't call me, they don't even want me here!" I croaked, my voice barely above a whisper.
Brian glared at Richard, he looked incredibly angry; he always was protective of me and always stepped in if someone was hurting me. He opened his mouth to say something but my mom stepped forward and spoke first. "Jennie, I'll stay here with Lisa. I'll call you if she wakes up, I promise," she said nodding fiercely.
I smiled at her gratefully and nodded, I didn't like crying in this room. What if Lisa could hear me and knew I was upset, that would upset her and I couldn't have that. "I'll just be in the hallway, I don't want to go outside just in case," I croaked, my throat sore from all the crying.
Brian led me out of the room, my arms still tight around his waist. He pulled me over to the plastic chairs and smiled at me sadly. I pulled my knees up to my chest and put my head on his shoulder as he murmured soothing words, stroking my back.
After a couple of minutes I started to calm down a little, the empty, numb feeling starting to return and I was actually quite grateful that it was, because the grief and sadness of this situation was almost too much to bear. Add on top of that the fact that this was all my fault, that Lisa was hurt because of me, that she would never walk again because of me. The feelings were killing me slowly and I couldn't deal with it.
"Why won't they let you send her in for surgery, Jennie? As her next of kin, why can't you just go tell the doctors that you want her to have it?" he asked, his hand cupping round the back of my head, holding me to him tightly.
"Linda told the doctors that our marriage isn't legal. Apparently because we used a fake id then it doesn't count. I can't sign the form, I tried," I whispered, gripping his shirt that was wet with my tears.
"Not legal? Is that right though? I thought you could get married at 17 in Vegas….." he trailed off and I jerked back to look at him. I felt a bubble of hope, could that be true? I would give anything for that to be true!
"Really? Oh god, daddy please, please say that's true," I begged, gripping his shirt tighter.
His face softened and I knew it was because of what I had called him; I hardly ever called him that. A few times it had slipped out over the years and every time it looked like it made his heart melt. He stroked the side of my face lightly, "I'll look into it for you. I'll call Ron, he's a lawyer, he'll know."
Oh god please, please, please let that be true! I nodded quickly and even laughed at the hope that I felt inside. Everything was going to be fine; Brian would sort everything just like he always did.
His smile faded and he looked at me so sadly that I almost broke into a fresh round of sobs again. "I'm so sorry that I pushed you away like that Jennie. You and Lisa. I shouldn't have done that, and the things I said……" he trailed off, clenching his fist tightly and squeezing his eyes shut angrily. "The last words that I said to Lisa were that she was a stupid little prick. I'm so sorry, so so sorry. I hope I get a chance to take it back. I love her for you Jennie; she's the best girl I could ever imagine for someone as special as you are. You two are perfect for each other and I over reacted. I wasn't thinking about you two, I was just thinking about myself and what I had lost. But I love that girl like a daughter, I always have and I always will." A tear slid down his cheek as he spoke and it was the only time I had ever seen him cry. His chin quivered slightly as he looked at me with eyes so apologetic he looked like he was the child and I was the adult. He was begging me with his eyes for my forgiveness; he looked like he was torturing himself over it.
I could forgive him, of course I could, he was my dad and he always would be and I know that Lisa had already forgiven him because she was the one that convinced me to let it go and look at it from Brian's point of view. "Lisa knows that you didn't mean it Brian," I whispered, nodding reassuringly.
He looked at me, hope evident in his eyes; he really wanted that to be true. "She does?" he croaked, his voice weak and thick with emotion.
I nodded and smiled weakly, "Of course she does, Lisa loves you too."
He smiled then and rubbed a hand over his face, wiping the couple of tears that had leaked out. "I was just so angry, all I could think about was that you two had ran off and gotten married and taken away one of the most special things a dad could have in his life."
I looked at him quizzically, what had that taken away from him? "What do you mean?"
He smiled and stroked my face again lightly, just looking at me tenderly. "Every dad wants to see their daughter marry the one of their dreams. I wanted you to have the big wedding with the fancy cake, with your whole family watching and smiling. I wanted to walk you down the aisle in your beautiful white dress and when the vicar asks: who gives this woman to be married? I would proudly step forward and say I do, because that's my daughter," he whispered, smiling wistfully.
I smiled at the little fantasy that had started to play out in my head, I imagined the proud smile he would have on his face as he placed my hand in Lisa's and I could suddenly understand why he was so upset. It didn't excuse his behaviour but it explained it to me finally.
"That sounds nice," I admitted, swallowing the lump in my throat.
He nodded, "Yeah, but that doesn't matter right now. What matters right now is getting your wife that surgery, because Lisa is going to be devastated if she can't walk." He winced slightly as he said it and I smiled gratefully that he just knew her so well, that he was thinking about Lisa and no one else, and also because he had called Lisa my wife, he was finally acknowledging our marriage.
He stood up and held a hand down to me, "I'm going to go outside and make some calls, do you want to come out for some fresh air or are you going back in?"
The thought of being more than a few steps away from Lisa made my stomach twist in knots so I shook my head and motioned towards Lisa's room. "I'm going back in."
He smiled and kissed my forehead. "I'm going to call Ron; I'll be back as soon as I can. Be strong Jennie and don't let them beat you down, you and Lisa belong together and you'll get through this." He turned and walked off up the hallway; I waited until he was out of sight then took a few deep breaths before pushing the door to Lisa's room open again. I strolled casually to the side of her bed, refusing to look at Linda or Richard, just focusing my attention on the love of my life.
I sat there holding her hand for what felt like forever before Brian walked back in, he shook his head at me looking defeated and sad and I knew what Linda said was true. Our marriage wasn't legal. I nodded in response; I think I always knew it, deep down I knew that it was hopeless. I looked back to Lisa and rested my chin on the side of her bed, watching the rise and fall of her chest, ignoring the whispers of the conversations going on in the room around me. I didn't care what they said anymore, it didn't matter, the only thing that mattered to me was that Lisa open her beautiful green eyes.
The minutes turned into hours and before I knew it the nurse came in and said that only one person could stay with her tonight. I glared at Linda warningly, if she dare tell me to leave I was picking up Lisa's IV pole and beating her to death with it, there was no way I was leaving this room.
She looked at me challengingly for a minute and I didn't back down. She must have seen it in my face that I wasn't leaving because she gave me a small nod before turning to Richard and standing up. "Let's go, we can come back in the morning," she muttered.
"Thank you," I said weakly. I know it must be hard for her to walk out of here and leave Lisa, maybe she was a stronger person than I was because there was no way I could force myself to leave this room.
"See you in the morning," she replied. She gripped Lisa's hand and kissed her cheek before turning and walking out of the room, crying again. Richard, my mom and Brian said their goodbyes and then I was finally alone with my wife.
I pulled my chair closer to her and sat awake the whole night, whispering that I loved her and telling her all the things we would do when she woke up. I listed all of her favourite foods that I would cook for her, all the stupid TV shows she liked that I would watch with her when she was better, and how I wouldn't even complain about them. Lastly I talked about how our marriage wasn't legal so she was going to have to marry me again, but this time I wanted the big wedding that Brian had talked about.
I threatened that if she didn't wake up within the next hour I was spending all of her Vegas winnings on the biggest most extravagant wedding I could think of. When she didn't wake up within the deadline, I gave her another hour and added something else onto the list that I would waste money on, trying to shock her into waking up.
Ten threats later and she still hadn't woken up, our wedding plan included: A Chanel wedding dress, Celine suits, horses to take us to the church, money bouquets, chocolate dessert bowls, a ten piece live band for the party, iPod's as table favours for the guests and a whole heap more. I was going to have to send Lisa back to Vegas to pay for it all if she didn't wake up soon. I smiled a little at the thought, knowing that I didn't need any of that stuff. All I needed was for her to wake up, get better and be happy.
Linda and Richard came back in the morning. My mom and Brian brought me a change of clothes and food. I took it to the bathroom, changing into the fresh clothes but dumping the food into the trash. I couldn't even think about eating, my stomach was already full of worry, nerves and knots; I couldn't possibly fit anything else in there too.
Just after lunchtime the same cop that was at GD's house came in. He told us that GD had been charged with defying a court order, breaking the terms of a restraining order, aggravated assault, attempted murder, and kidnapping. Apparently he was currently in a facility for the mentally ill; it had taken them a while to charge him because he needed treatment for a gunshot wound to the leg. I hoped he rotted in jail for what he did to Lisa, I had no sympathy for him at all anymore, he should be the one laying here not my baby.
I tuned out as Richard quizzed the cop about why they had not acted sooner, how this could have happened; he wanted to make a formal complaint against the police for hesitating and allowing Lisa to get stabbed, not once, but twice. I didn't listen to the conversation, those things weren't important to me right now. It was too late and I just couldn't think about it.
My tired brain was slowly zoning out, I sat there like a zombie, unable to take my eyes off of Lisa. I didn't want to eat or drink, people fussed over me but I couldn't answer their questions. I didn't have the energy to fake a smile and put on a show for them, with every minute that Lisa lay there motionless, I was slowly dying inside.
Exactly twenty seven hours after the knife pierced her body, her hand moved in mine. I gasped and looked down at it shocked, did that really just happen or did my sleep deprived mind make that up? My heart was crashing in my chest as I looked at her fingers, willing them to move again so I would know I wasn't just losing my mind. As if on demand, her index finger twitched a little and I jumped out of my seat excitedly.