Desideratum

Chapter 27

"Who comes to McDonald's and orders a salad?" Cadence complained. "I mean, really?"

"Your mother," Marinette answered with ease.

The boy rolled his eyes. "Yeah, well—"

"Because she finds the idea of clogging down her arteries at this age quite repulsing," she added.

"At this age?" he asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"I'm still young, you know?" she drawled, taking another bite of her menu of choice. "Even though I have you."

Cadence laughed. "I know. You're younger than other mothers out there."

"I may be."

"Which is why, technically," he stressed, "you should understand me and agree to send me on that trip!"

"Technically," she responded, unfazed.

"Mom!" Cadence whined, slouching down in his seat.

Marinette rolled her eyes.

Luka laughed as he continued to watch them.

"Cadence, no," she said in a firm tone. "Okay? You're too young. I'm not going to be there. What if something happens?"

"You're so overprotective!" Luka laughed, reaching over the table to grasp one of her hands. "It's so cute, I swear!"

"I'm not overprotective!" she defended. "I just care about him!"

"Of course you do, Marinette," he answered, smiling. "But he's a big boy. And just like all the other kids his age, he's going to be just fine."

Her eyes softened, and for a moment, she truly considered his words, but then she saw him wink at Cadence, and she rolled her eyes, snatching her hand from his grasp.

"You two are trying to work behind my back," she accused, eyes narrowed as she gestured between them. "You think he can help you. But he's not going to, because I'm not going to let him."

Cadence's mouth dropped open. "But, Mom—"

"Shut up and eat," she commanded.

While his son pouted and sunk his head into his shoulders, Luka maintained both his grin and his carefree expression, winking yet again in his direction.

He came to stand in her doorway after tucking Cadence in that night. The door was wide open, giving him a perfect view of her as she sat on the bed and fiddled with the strap on her shoe. He knocked, either way.

Her silky dark hair slid over her shoulders and around her face as she straightened to meet his gaze.

"We need to talk," he announced.

Marinette rolled her eyes. "How many times do I have to tell you—and your son—that he is not going on that trip?" she said, clearly upset, as she stood and stormed across the room, to her closet.

Luka straightened his posture, watching her as she yanked the door open with barely concealed annoyance. "Marinette, he—"

"Look," she snapped, turning around to face him. "You will never understand. So don't waste your energy. Go to bed. Or leave. Just go!"

"You're right," he answered in a forceful tone. "I'll never understand if you don't explain it to me."

For a moment, she was silent. And then, placing her hands over her hips, she seemed to take his firm response as a challenge. "Cadence is all I have," she said simply, midnight blue eyes hard as they watched him. "You have no idea how much my life changed when he was born and I held him in my arms for the first time. He filled up a hole I hadn't even known was there." She paused, licking her lips and taking in a shaky breath that he knew he hadn't been meant to see. "I don't know about you and I don't care about you—but I don't want to fail."

Slipping her heels from her feet, she tossed them inside the closet before closing the door. She turned around with every intention to walk across the room and lock herself in the attached bathroom, but Luka was already making his way towards her, so she was forced to stop.

"Marinette…Melody" Luka murmured as the old nickname went unnoticed as she hurried to interrupt him once again.

"I'm scared, okay?" she said, her palms turning upwards as if it was a fact of no importance. "I'm scared that, someday, something or someone is going to take him away from me. And I won't be able to stand that. Are you happy now?"

"Nothing's taking Cadence away from you," he told her, grasping her upper arm in order to keep her in place as she brushed past him.

"No?" she challenged. Her glassy eyes seemed to accuse him—and her next words sent a painful pang through his heart. "Because that's exactly what I thought about you. Everything could have happened. The entire world could have been turned upside down. But you would have remained there, by my side. I'm not taking chances anymore."

"You didn't lose me," he soothed, cradling her face into his hands as he slowly brought her closer. "I… I'm the one who made too many mistakes, who didn't know how to appreciate you."

Marinette shook her head. "I have part of the fault, too," she said. Her words were firm, resigned—so unlike his own, agitated sentences.

Luka swallowed hard as his gaze relentlessly searched hers, and his hands trembled as they glided gently over her dark hair. "That's the problem," he whispered. "You don't."

The words seemed to break her, and she looked down, suddenly unable to maintain eye-contact. "I gave up," she whispered after a long silence. "I shouldn't have. I should have stuck by your side like I promised before God… like I promised you."

"No," he hastened to say, taking a step even closer. His fingers slipped into the soft hair at the nape of her neck, aiding him in coaxing her to meet his eyes once more. "You did the right thing. Who knows where we would have been now if you hadn't opened my eyes like you did?"

"There were so many questions," she confessed quietly, "and so few answers. I could have gone crazy."

"But Cadence…"

"He solved everything. He made me pull myself together. Once I found out I was pregnant, there was no other option."

"You're a wonderful mother," he told her, and tilted her chin up when she attempted to avert her tear-filled eyes. "It's alright to be scared. It's normal."

"Is it?" she whispered insecurely.

He nodded. "Yes."

She exhaled shakily.

His hands moved to her shoulders as he continued to steadily gaze down into her eyes. "This will make him happy."

"I know. I just…" Turning around, she severed their connection, moving towards the window. "He was always within my sight before. And when he wasn't, I knew he was inside my apartment, safe and sound."

"Marinette…" Murmuring her name, he closed the distance between them; his hand came to rest over her lower back, where he gently stroked the soft material of her dress, her dark hair tickling his fingers. "Cadence could never feel the pain you did. His mother loves him."

Arms hugging her protectively around the middle, she looked down, giving no indication whatsoever that she had heard him. Luka sighed. "Come here," he said, coaxing her into his embrace.

It took a second for her to relax, but then his hand slid through her hair, and she practically melted into him, her small arms wrapping around his waist and her head coming to rest on his chest.

"Everything is going to be alright. You've done an amazing job until now. And now you have me by your side, too. You're not going to fail."

There was no verbal response from her part, but the way her embrace tightened and her head shifted to bury itself in the crook of his neck told him everything he needed to know.

"It's okay…" he whispered in her ear, hands running soothing circles over her back, nose buried in her fragrant hair.

After so much time, he had forgotten how small and frail she felt in his arms. He had forgotten how insecure she actually was beneath her façade, how easily everything could affect her and make life overwhelming. She never showed it. She fell, but she never lingered; she got up and went on, every single time. But that didn't mean it was an easy process.

And if there was one thing in the world that Luka loathed with every fiber of his being, that was seeing the woman he loved upset.