Quinn, in the forest

I headed back to the camp. I heard Daryl and Henry still talking but then they fell silent as I approached. When I reached the camp, Henry was reading again and Daryl was checking his arrows. Daryl glanced at me when I got back. I sat down on the stump. Henry glanced at me too, then continued reading. Soon dawn started to break. I let out a yawn.

- You should've slept a little. – said Daryl.

- I'm fine. – I said confidently. – I'll sleep while we are going to Hilltop.

Daryl nodded.

– Then I'll sleep, if ya don't mind.

- Go on. – I told him. He went to sleep, Henry glanced at me.

- I told you I HAD a crush on him. - I said in a supressed voice. - Past tense. Not anymore.

Henry started to giggle.

- You're still staring at him.

- I'm looking at you too right now, does that mean I'm in love with you?

Henry blushed a little, but that was my aim, to make fun of him. He shook his head, smiling.

- You know what I mean. – he said.

- He is handsome, what can I do? I don't have any feelings for him anymore. That's over.

- Okay. – said Henry, still smiling and continued reading.

I let out a sigh and looked around. Didn't see anything interesting, didn't hear any movement. I looked up at the moon again. I could see the stars. It was beautiful. And at the same time the bottom of the sky started to change colour and it became more and more orange. The sun was rising.

- Are you not sleepy? – I asked Henry.

- Nah. I'm good. And I won't leave you anyway, because you are not allowed to have weapons. – he said without looking up from the book.

- I have a piece of wood here, just in case.

He glanced at me and we both giggled. Sun was rising fast. As soon as it was up, Daryl came right back. He slept like three hours. He started to pack his stuff, to be ready to get going. Seems like Henry convinced him to come with us to Hilltop. Two hours later, Carol climbed out of the tent as well. She and Daryl exchanged totally ridiculous words with each other, then Carol couldn't stop smiling to herself. I stared at her with a smile.

- Don't look at me like that. – she whispered.

- Ah-ha. – I giggled. I formed the word "lovebirds" with my mouth, Carol rolled her eyes.

- Stop it. – she whispered. We both smiled.

We packed the tent and helped Daryl with the rest, while he checked his motorcycle. When we packed everything, we got back to the carriage and headed to Hilltop, this time for real.

Daryl went with the motorcycle and we followed him with the carriage.

I fell asleep as soon as we hit the road. I was dreaming about brown eyes, smiles, hugs and kisses. "Just know that I will do anything to get out of here and find you."

I heard his voice again. I could hear his voice so clearly in my head, since we met his people, who talked about the Sanctuary… Something switched inside me. I heard his voice, it kept coming back to my head.

I woke up when we stopped. I looked around, saw familiar walls. We arrived at Hilltop. Carol and Daryl were already hugging Tara and Jesus when I climbed out of the carriage, sleepy as hell.

- Wow, Quinn. Sleeping Beauty, I mean. – said Jesus jokingly. I smiled at him, wiping my eyes.

- Hi. – we hugged each other with Jesus and with Tara too. I saw Aaron coming towards us.

What was he doing here? He talked to Daryl, his face seemed so serious. I caught the last few words.

- …Eugene is missing. – he told Daryl. I wasn't sure I heard it well, so I stepped closer to them.

- What did you just say? – I asked him.

He repeated himself and told us they are going out to search for Eugene. I felt a little sting in my heart. Eugene, my only other friend. Daryl immediately volunteered to go help them.

- I'm going too. – I stated. Carol looked at me suspiciously. – Eugene was my only friend at Alexandria, please let me go. – I told her. She glanced at Daryl who nodded to her.

- Okay, but you are sticking with Daryl. – I rolled my eyes. Aaron and Jesus were already preparing themselves and getting horses to go out.

- Can I have a weapon at least for this one occasion? Please? – I asked Carol.

- Why she can't have a weapon? – asked Jesus curiously. Aaron looked at me too.

- Because she tends to try to take away her own life. – told them Carol seriously.

- I attempted it only once. Just once. – I said very seriously. Jesus and Tara looked at me mouths fallen open. Aaron didn't seem surprised, he was just concerned. Maybe he knew? Tara stepped to me.

- When did this happen? – she asked, taken aback.

- About two years ago. – I told her, rolling my eyes to Carol, this situation was her fault now.

- And you didn't even hear the rest. –Carol told them while looking me in the eye all along.

- Shut up. – I told her seriously. I knew she was hinting at Negan.

- But what the hell happened, Quinn? – asked Jesus stepping closer to me. – Why would you do this to yourself?

- I felt down, I felt useless and depressed, whatever. It's nothing, really. Let's go get Eugene, please. – I felt really awkward and somehow ashamed, that I tried to kill myself. I don't know why I felt that.

Carol took one of her knives and handed it to me.

- Just for this one occasion. And all of you, never ever leave her alone not for a moment. – she told the others seriously. They all nodded.

- Come on, it's been two years ago, oh my god… - I rolled my eyes again. Aaron and Jesus were still shocked, Aaron slightly shook his head, and Jesus managed to close his mouth.

I had a feeling that Carol wanted them to keep an eye on me, because she knew I wanted to sneak away. I didn't want to die anymore, and Carol knew that.

Daryl stepped next to Carol.

- Are we movin' or what? – he asked. Aaron and Jesus got up on their horses.

- Can I get a horse too? – I asked.

- Nope, you are riding with Daryl. – said Carol. I rolled my eyes again for the hundredth time only this day. – Keep your eyes on her. – Carol told Daryl quietly, but I still heard it.

Daryl nodded and sat back on his motorcycle. I sat behind him. Carol stepped next to me.

- Be careful. – she said quietly.

- I'll try. Will you wait for me and take me back to the Kingdom? – I asked her.

- Yes. The Kingdom is your home now.

I nodded slightly. Carol patted my shoulder. Daryl glanced at her above his shoulder, they were holding each others gaze for a long minute, then Carol nodded, smiled at me and left. I turned back to grab Daryl.

- You should grab me tighter, if ya don't wanna fall down. – he murmured.

- Jeez. – I basically hugged him from behind so I wouldn't fall down. He kicked off.

We finally set out to look for Eugene.

Eugene… I was so selfish… He was really kind to me and he tried to help me, to feel better and all I did was putting salt in his wounds, by mentioning his one-sided love for Rosita. I was such a selfish jerk. I should have paid more attention to him. Should have been there for him, more than I did. I was too busy with all my problems and misery. I should stop feeling sorry for myself all the time and pay attention to people around me.

I hope we will find Eugene alive. I have to make it up to him. I want to be his friend, this time for real. I want to be useful. I want to be there for Carol and Eugene and Daryl and anyone, who might need me. The only reason I was lonely was just because of me. I shut out everyone. I want to be part of the community.

As I was thinking, I started to have a really bad feeling…

(Author's note: Listen to "Save you" by Kelly Clarkson. Quinn is coming for Eugene. Thank You for reading! ❤)