Chapter twenty-eight: bad moon rising

While Alicia rode on the back of her Antipodean Opaleye dragon there was a growing sense of dread. Right when she had left the castle and had seen it shrink away, she had felt invincible. She had thrown Dumbledore and Umbridge aside. She was a free person once more. No more faking that she hated half-breeds, no more teaching that was too complicated for her. She felt as great as she had been in Romania.

But then she started to think about the consequences. There would be a riot in the school after she left. Umbridge would be furious with Dumbledore for letting someone pretend to be at her side and 'spy' on her – even though Alicia never reported anything about Dolores. Would that be enough for the minister to cast Dumbledore out of Hogwarts? Alicia knew the situation wouldn't improve without him. No matter how much she despised him, Dolores was worse.

The other consequence was that she would either be kicked out of the Order of the Phoenix, or no longer trusted with important tasks. That decreased her chances of protecting Harry. It also meant she might not be able to go on missions that she would want to be a part of.

But the biggest sense of dread came from the prospect of having to tell Remus what she had done. Sirius and him had been very clear in telling her how important it was that she kept doing her job. They were counting on her to be there for Harry. She could already imagine their furious faces when she told them the truth.

Basically, she had rendered herself useless.

Charles was gliding over London now. Alicia tried to steady her erratic heartbeat. She was a bundle of nerves. Charles landed on top of the roof of Grimmauld Place. Somehow, she couldn't determine whether she felt better or worse since they had entered the house like this last time.

Before she had opened the balcony door, Sirius had already rushed into the room.

'Bloody hell! Alicia!' he exclaimed as he put his wand down. 'Can you stop making dramatic entrances like that?!'

Alicia smiled very faintly. 'You know I like dramatic entrances.' Then her face turned grim and she no longer looked him in the eye. Charles transformed back into his form that better suited the indoor life of London.

'Is uhh…is Remus here?' she asked at last, scratching the back of her neck.

Sirius had finally come down from his fright. 'He's at work. As you should be…right? What are you doing here?'

Alicia cast her eyes down. 'I…sort of…quit.'

'You WHAT?'

It was so quiet in the house that one could hear a needle drop. There was a tap dripping in the kitchen. Charles was snoring in his sleep. Kreacher was walking around two floors up. But the three people sitting in the armchairs in front of the fireplace were perfectly silent.

Remus was staring at a wall. He found one particular interesting spot he decided would gain his maximum attention. The spot was very interesting. The hole between the chimney and the brick wall was big enough for doxies to nest in.

A throat was cleared. 'Are you going to say something?'

They had done a great job so far in cleaning the house and getting rid of all the pests. But did they check that hole? Were they sure there wasn't a doxy nest in it? He should probably check. There were a number of spells very effective for expelling-

'Remus? Can you please say something to me?'

'What do you expect me to say?' he replied coldly. 'Did you think I would cheer on your actions? That I would ask how bad-ass it looked to have a dragon back you up in the Great Hall?'

Alicia sighed so deeply, it sounded like she exhaled all her energy. 'No. I suspected you would be angry.'

He laughed humourlessly. 'No. I'm not angry.'

It remained silent for a bit, so Remus finally looked around to face his wife again. Her eyes were big and full of guilt. But not regret. Remus knew for a fact that if he gave her a time turner, she would do it all again. That fact was bothering him.

'I'm disappointed,' he finally said.

Alicia looked ready to break down. Her eyes were watering while she kept looking at him. 'I…I tried…'

'No you misunderstand. I am not disappointed about this action of yours. I'm disappointed that you lied to me in the summer. You said that Romania had changed you, that you were mature now. You made me believe that you were responsible and no longer a hot-headed teenager that made decisions based on the first emotion you experience,' Remus raged quietly. He knew that his calm rage was terrifying to her, as it was a bit to himself. He didn't often have to do this.

'Moony, I think that is a bit harsh,' Sirius said. For a moment Remus had forgotten he was still in the room. 'We heard enough stories about Umbridge. She sounds almost worse than Voldemort.'

Remus held up a hand to him. 'But she didn't walk away because of Umbridge. She walked away because of her own standards. Dumbledore told her she couldn't wear her wedding ring and therefore she blows the entire mission.'

This finally sparked some reaction in the accused. 'That is a simplification. Yes, I hated him for asking me to take my ring off and pretending to hate werewolves, but that wasn't all! It was a pile of reasons! That woman turned me into someone I didn't want to be, and Dumbledore was encouraging it! Half the students hated me. Do you know what it's like to be hated so much?!'

A muscle twitched in Remus' jaw. He looked right at her and noticed the moment she regretted her words. 'Remus-,'

'Yes, darling. I know what that is like.'

She sighed in frustration. 'Well that is also kind of the point. When I read about that new law she instated…Remus I lost it.'

He decided to sit back down in his chair and look back at that spot on the wall. 'Yes. We know you did.'

'Alicia,' Sirius chimed in, clearly trying to keep the peace, 'I agree with Remus that you shouldn't have done that. You should have endured it. After reading the article you should have talked to us through the fireplace. And even if you were going to stop, you shouldn't have done it like that. You realise you are now almost as much a fugitive as me, right? Keeping a dragon is highly forbidden.'

Remus could hear her sigh again.

'But I also understand why you did it. We all do things out of emotions right? Don't you think so, Moony?' Sirius tried on a lighter tone.

Remus stood up from his chair and looked down at his wife. 'I think that some people act more on emotion than others. You remind me so often of Prongs and Padfoot. It's not even funny anymore.'

Alicia stared up at him with big eyes. 'I guess you have a type, then.'

Remus just shook his head and walked away. He was not dealing with this tonight. He had just had a ten hour work shift and he was beyond tired. He needed his bed.

'Since you two get along so well, I suggest you sleep in his bed tonight,' Remus said at the door before leaving them behind.

Alicia just watched him go.

'I guess I deserved that,' she whispered.

Sirius was placing a hand on her knee. 'Don't be too hard on yourself Nessie. Like I said, in retrospect you should have done things differently, but we can't fix that anymore.'

She looked at his hand for a long moment. 'I don't want to fix it. I hated it there. You try hanging out with Dolores Umbridge for a year.'

Sirius chuckled. 'I bet we would become BFF's. You know, the kind that throws curses at each other.'

His attempt at lightening the mood wasn't helping. She dropped her face in her hands. 'Do you think he is going to get over this Pads?'

'Oh of course. First he will be all Mr Frost with his disappointed looks and ignoring and all. Then he will freak out once more, blaming you for a bunch of things that you did or didn't do. I suggest to remain quiet and nod to everything he says. He will probably make you swear not to do it again, you give him some chocolate and all is forgiven. And in your case, maybe some make-up sex,' Sirius told her.

This actually made her feel better. She looked up at one of her best friends. 'Sounds like you have been through it loads of times.'

'Well, there is a reason you remind him of us,' Sirius said with a wink. 'Why do you think he looks so tired of this kind of behaviour?'

'So what you are saying is,' Alicia said with a smile. 'That you are the reason he is not going easy on me.'

Sirius leaned back in his chair, his hands up in surrender. 'Hey, it is not my fault you had to be so much like me. But you and I both know that deep down, he loves us for it.'

She just shook her head. 'Maybe not this time. I left Harry behind.'

'Oh come on,' Sirius said while bumping his fist against her arm, 'let's not pretend Harry is defenceless over there. The kid is a genius in dangerous situations. And there is still Dumbledore and the other teachers. You were simply our closest link to him, and yes it sucks that we lost that. It's going to be harder to get updates on Harry now. You won't see me asking Snape in a million years how Harry is doing.'

'No. That would be an awful idea,' Alicia agreed.

'So that is it, okay? That is all Remus has to forgive you for. His opinion is also based on emotions, you know. He is all Mister I'm-above-all-this but he really isn't!' Sirius said while he clapped his hands together as if to settle their discussion.

'But what about his argument that I'm not mature enough? Does he really still see me as a teenager? I only just turned twenty and practically still am one, but I don't feel like that anymore,' Alicia said, her gaze unfocused.

'He wouldn't have married you if he thought so,' Sirius stated.

A silence stretched between them. Alicia started recalling everything that had happened since they had been married. They had been so happy…with the engagement and the wedding day. But after that it went downhill fast. The attack, Remus nearly dying, her confession about liking to use the killing curse and now this…they hadn't had a happy moment since she had been married to him!

'I just wish I could do something right for him. Everything I do is for or about him, but somehow it keeps ending up badly,' Alicia confessed.

Sirius leaned over to pull on her lower lip. 'Don't pout princess. Do you want to do something for him? Stay here, keep me out of trouble, and let's teach you how to become an Animagus! That will cheer him up.'

That seemed like a good idea to Alicia. She would have to try to win his trust back.