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Epilogue 1
Later that week, I had lunch with Dizzy. He didn't smell too fresh and told me why. "I'm never washing my dick again for as long as I live."
"Because you managed to have sex with Haruhi?"
His eyes lit up. "You want to know something else really cool? She said 'Hi' to me and waved when she was walking down the hall with Ryoko."
While the recognition-from-Haruhi part had made Dizzy's day, it amazed me that Haruhi and Ryoko were now good friends. Who would have seen that coming?
He frowned. "Hey Kyon, why does your girl smell like a spark plug?"
"I had to use this auto shop grade soap to scrub her clean. It's the only thing that worked."
"I hope you took lots of pictures first."
I chuckled. "Of course."
"You missed a spot around her wrist."
"I know. She really liked that cute heart you drew, by the way."
He sighed. "You are such a lucky guy. You don't deserve a girl as cool as her."
I had to agree. "Why don't you find a girlfriend of your own, Diz? You're not a bad looking guy." When he shrugged off my suggestion, I added, "I know that you're in love with Haruhi, but I hate to break it to you, buddy, she'll never be yours."
"I realize that. From where I'm sitting, she may as well be a fictitious 2D anime girl. But if you let me, I can get close to her in my imagination."
This guy was starting to creep me out. "What the hell are you talking about?"
"I want to write your story. Would you mind?"
"Which one?"
"The one about your and Haruhi's relationship, from that time you first talked to her after she made that crazy sausage announcement, to your status today being officially engaged. I want to document her character arc, from being this cocky girl who loves sucking random penises to the thoughtful, introspective, and loyal fiance she is now. Once I do that, I think I can let her go."
I chuckled. This guy was serious. What the hell? Why not? "This will surprise you, but I met Haruhi long before that day in class because things didn't happen in chronological order. At least not for me. Another thing. Ours isn't the only Haruhi. There's a whole other universe."
As I told Dizzy my story, he took copious notes.
I have no idea what he did with them.