ELSA'S POV

I didn't get very far before driving became impossible.

When I couldn't see anymore, I let my tires find the rough shoulder and rolled slowly to a stop. I slumped over on the seat and allowed the emotions I'd fought in Honeymaren's room crush me. It was worse than I'd thought—the force of it took me by surprise. Yes, I had been right to hide this from Honeymaren. It would have made everything infinitely worse if she saw this.

But I wasn't alone for very long—just exactly long enough for Alice to see me here, and then the few minutes it took her to arrive. The door creaked open, and she pulled me into her arms.

At first, it was worse. Because there was a part of me that craved a different set of arms. A part of me that was fighting to become the dominant part. So then there was fresh guilt to season the pain.

She didn't say anything, she just let me sob until I began to blubber out Agnarr's name.

"Are you really ready to go home?" she asked doubtfully.

I managed to convey, after several attempts, that it wasn't going to get better anytime soon. I needed to get past Agnarr before it got late enough for him to call Billy.

So she drove me home—for once not even getting close to my truck's internal speed limit—keeping one arm wrapped tightly around me. The whole way, I fought for control. It seemed to be a doomed effort at first, but I didn't give up. Just a few seconds, I told myself. Just time for a few excuses, or a few lies, and then I could break down again. I had to be able to do that much. I scrambled around in my head, searching desperately for a reserve of strength.

There was just enough for me to quiet the sobs—hold them back but not end them. The tears didn't slow. I couldn't seem to find any handle to even begin to with those.

"Wait for me upstairs," I mumbled when we were in front of the house.

She hugged me closer for one minute, and then she was gone.

Once inside, I headed straight for the stairs.

"Elsa?" Agnarr called after me from his usual place on the sofa as I walked by.

I turned to look at him without speaking. His eyes got wide and he lurched to his feet.

"What happened? Is Honeymaren…?" he demanded.

I shook my head furiously, trying to find my voice. "She's fine, she's fine," I promised, my voice low and husky. And Honeymaren was fine, physically, which is all Agnarr was worried about at the moment.

"But what happened?" He grabbed my shoulders, his eyes still anxious and wide. "What happened to you?"

I must look worse than I'd imagined.

"Nothing, Dad. I… Honeymaren and I had to talk about… some things that were hard. I'm okay."

The anxiety calmed, and was replaced by disapproval mingled with concern.

"Was this really the best time?" he asked.

"Probably not, Dad, but I didn't have any alternatives—it just got to the point where I had to choose… Sometimes, there isn't any way to compromise."

He shook his head slowly. "How did she handle it?"

I didn't answer.

He looked at my face for a minute, and then nodded. That must have been answer enough.

"I hope this doesn't mess up his recovery."

"sh's a quick healer," I mumbled.

Agnarr sighed.

I could feel the control slipping.

"I'll be in my room," I told him, shrugging out from underneath his hands.

"Okay, Lesa," Agnarr agreed. "I'm sorry, kiddo. I know that couldn't have been easy for you. Take as much time as you need, okay?"

I think I nodded, but I couldn't be sure. I stumbled blindly to my room as my tears started pouring out even heavier than before.

Once in my room, I fought with the clasp of my necklace, trying to undo it with shaking fingers.

"No, Elsa," Anna whispered, capturing my hands. "It's part of who you are."

She pulled me into the cradle of her arms as the sobs broke free again.

The longest of days seemed to stretch on and on. I wondered if it would ever end.

The night dragged relentlessly, I tried to think back if it was the worst of them. At least someone was here to comfort me tonight, and that was something.

Agnarr seemed to understand that I needed space, so he left me alone, though I was not quiet—he probably got no more sleep than I did.

My hindsight seemed unbearably clear tonight. I could see every mistake I'd made, every mistake we all made. Every bit of harm I'd done, the small things and the big things. Each pain I'd caused How, each pain she'd caused me, every wound I'd given Anna, and every wound she'd given me, all of them stacked up into neat piles that I could not ignore or deny.

And I realized that I'd been wrong all along about the magnets. It had not just been Anna and Honeymaren that I'd been trying to force together, it was the two parts of myself, the two halves of my heart—the half held by Anna and the half held by Honeymaren. Two halves of me. They existed in direct opposition to each other, even though they were exactly the same.

So much damage done.

Anna said little; she just held me on the bed and let me ruin her shirt, staining it with salt water.

It took longer than I thought it would for me to cry myself out. It happened, though, and I was eventually exhausted enough to sleep. Unconsciousness did not bring full relief from the pain, just a numbing, dulling ease, like medicine. Made it more bearable. But it was still there; I was aware of it, even asleep, and that helped me make the adjustments I needed to make.

The morning brought with it, if not a brighter outlook, at least a measure of control, some acceptance. Instinctively I knew that this tear in my heart would always ache. That this fracture was just going to be a part of me now. Time would make it easier—that's what everyone always said. But I didn't care if time healed me or not, so long as Honeymaren could get better. Could be happy again.

When I woke up, there was no disorientation. I opened my eyes—finally dry—and met her anxious gaze.

"Hey," I said. My voice was hoarse. I cleared my throat.

She didn't answer. She watched me, waiting for it to start.

"No, I'm fine," I promised. "That won't happen again."

Her eyes tightened at my words.

"I'm sorry that you had to see that," I said. "That wasn't fair to you."

She put her hands on either side of my face.

"Elsa… are you sure? Did you make the right choice? I've never seen you in so much pain—" her voice broke on the last word.

"Pain is a part of being human," I said softly.

"But…"

"I'm sure, Anna." I touched her cool lips. "What Honeymaren and I had—what we could have had—would have been great. Amazing, even. But we both understand that we aren't meant to be… not in this life, anyway. This life is mine and yours, Anna. You're who I choose." I took a deep, slightly shaky breath. "I can only hope that some day Honeymaren finds someone who loves her the way she deserves to be loved." (A/N: who happens to be your unborn son)

"Elsa, I can't stand for you to be miserable. Maybe…"

"No, Anan. There's a part of me that's always going to love Honeymaren Black, and that's just something you'll have to learn to accept. But I love you, and I choose to be with you. I fell in love with you first, after all." I tried to smile, but it took more effort than it should. I love you more Anna I can live without Honeymaren but...I can't live without you. I tried before and it was hell. I can't go through it again.

Anna wrapped her arms around me. "I love you." She whispered into my hair.

"I love you. I know what I want and what I need… and what I'm going to do now."

"What are we going to do now?"

I smiled just a bit at her correction, and then I sighed. "We are going to go see Alice."

Alice was on the bottom porch step, too hyper to wait for us inside. She looked about to break into a celebration dance, so excited was she about the news she knew I was there to deliver.

"Thank you, Elsa!" she sang as we got out of the truck.

"Hold it, Alice," I warned her, lifting up a hand to halt her glee. "I've got a few limitations for you."

"I know, I know, I know. August thirteenth is the date, you have veto power on the guest list, and if I go overboard on anything, you'll never speak to me again."

"Oh, okay. Well, yeah. You know the rules, then."

"Don't worry, Elsa, it will be perfect. Do you want to see your dress?"

I laughed. "Sure."

Alice's smile was smug.

"Um, Alice," I said, blinking, "When did you get me a dress?"

Anna squeezed my hand, smiling.

Alice led the way inside, heading for the stairs. "These things take time, Anna," Alice explained. Her tone seemed… evasive. "I mean, I wasn'tsurethings were going tto turn out this way, but there was a distinct possibility…"

"When?" I asked again.

"Perrine Bruyere has a waiting list, you know," she said, defensive now. "Fabric masterpieces don't happen overnight. If I hadn't thought ahead, you'd be wearing something off the rack!"

It didn't look like I was going to get a straight answer. "Per—who?"

"He's not a major designer, Elsa, so there's no need to get too worked up. He's got promise, though, and he specializes in custom dresses which was exactly what I needed."

"I'm not getting worked up."

"No, you're not." She eyed my calm face suspiciously. Then, as we walked into her room, she turned on Anan.

"You—out."

"Wait, why?" I asked.

"Elsa," she groaned. "You know the rules. She's not supposed to see until the day of!"

I chuckled softly. "It doesn't matter to me. And you know she's already seen it in your head. But if that's how you want it…"

She shoved Anna back out the door. She didn't even look at her—her eyes were on me, wary, afraid to leave me alone.

I nodded, hoping my expression was tranquil enough to reassure her.

Alice shut the door in her face.

"All right!" She muttered. "C'mon."

She grabbed my wrist and towed me to her closet—which was bigger than my bedroom—and then dragged me to the back corner, where a long black garment bag had a rack all to itself.

She unzipped the bag in one sweeping movement, and then slipped it carefully off the hanger. She took a step back, holding her hand out to the dress like she was a game show hostess.

"Well?" she asked breathlessly.

I appraised it for a long moment, playing with her a bit. Her expression turned worried.

"Ah," I said, and I smiled, letting her relax. "I see."

"What do you think?" she demanded.

I couldn't help but smile widely at the dress.

"It's perfect, of course. Exactly right. You're a genius."

She grinned. "I know."

"Nineteen-eighteen?" I guessed.

"More or less," she said, nodding. "Some of it ismydesign, the robe, the dress itsself…" she turned and pulled something off a nearby shelf and showed it to me. "The cufflinks are vintage," she smiled, opening the box. "Do you like it all?"

"It's beautiful, Alice. Just right for her."

"But is it just right for you?" she insisted.

"Yes, I think it is. I think it's just what I need. I know you'll do a great job with this… if you can keep yourself in check."

She beamed.

"Can I see your dress?" I asked.

She blinked, her face blank.

"Didn't you order your bridesmaid dress at the same time? I wouldn't want my maid of honor to wear something off therack." I pretended to wince in horror.

She threw her arms around my waist. "Thank you, Elsa!"

"How could you not see that one coming?" I teased, kissing her hair. "Some psychic you are!"

Alice danced back, and her face was bright with fresh enthusiasm. "I've got so much to do! Go play with Anna. I have to get to work."

She dashed out of the room, yelling, "Arianna!" as she disappeared.

I followed at my own pace. Anna was waiting for me in the hallway, leaning against the wood-paneled wall.

"That was very, very nice of you," she told me.

"She seems happy," I agreed.

She touched my face; her eyes—too dark, it had been so long since she'd left me—searched my expression minutely.

"Let's get out of here," she suddenly suggested. "Let's go to our meadow."

It sounded very appealing. "I guess I don't have to hide out anymore, do I?"

"No. The danger is behind us."

She was quiet, thoughtful, as she ran. The wind blew on my face, warmer now that the storm had really passed. The clouds covered the sky, the way they usually did.

The meadow was a peaceful, happy place today. Patches of summer daisies interrupted the grass with splashes of white and yellow. I lay back, ignoring the slight dampness of the ground, and looked for pictures in the clouds. They were too even, too smooth. No pictures, just a soft, gray blanket.

Anna lay next to me and held my hand.

"August thirteenth?" she asked casually after a few minutes of comfortable silence.

"That gives me a month till my birthday. I figured I should give Alice some time to throw everything together, but I also didn't want to cut it too close."

She sighed. "Arianna is three years older than Frederic — technically. Did you know that?"

I shook my head.

"It hasn't made any difference to them."

My voice was serene, a counterpoint to her anxiety. "My age is not really that important. Anna, I'm ready. I've chosen my life—now I want to start living it."

She stroked my hair. "The guest list veto?"

"I don't care really, but I…" I hesitated, not wanting to explain this one. Best to get it over with. "I'm not sure if Alice would feel the need to invite… a few werewolves. I don't know if… Honeymaren would feel like… like she should come. Like that's the right thing to do, or that I'd get my feelings hurt if she didn't. she shouldn't have to go through that."

Anna was quiet for a minute. I stared at the tips of the treetops, almost black against the light gray of the sky.

Suddenly, Anna grabbed me around the waist and pulled me into her chest.

"Tell me why you're doing this, Elsa. Why did you decide, now, to give Alice free rein?"

I repeated for her the conversation I had with Agnarr last night before I'd gone to see Honeymaren

"It wouldn't be fair to keep Agnarr out of this," I concluded. "And that means Iduna and Phil. I might as well let Alice have her fun, too. Maybe it will make the whole thing easier for Agnarr if he gets his proper goodbye. Even if he thinks it's much too early, I wouldn't want to cheat him out of the chance to walk me down the aisle." I laughed, picturing it to myself. "At least my mom and dad and my friends will know the best part of my choice, the most I'm allowed to tell them. They'll know I chose you, and they'll know we're together. They'll know I'm happy, wherever I am. I think that's the best I can do for them."

Anna held my face, searching it for a brief time.

"Wedding's off," she said abruptly.

"What?" I gasped. "You're backing out? No!"

"I'm not backing out, Elsa. I'm just letting you off the hook. Whatever you want to do, however you want to do it."

"Why?"

"Elsa, I see what you're doing. You're trying to make everyone else happy. And I don't care about anyone else's feelings. I only need you to be happy. Don't worry about breaking the news to Alice. I'll take care of it. I promise she won't make you feel guilty."

"But I —"

"No. We're doing this your way. Because my way doesn't work. I call you stubborn, but look at what I've done. I've clung with such idiotic obstinacy to my idea of what's best for you, though it's only hurt you. Hurt you so deeply, time and time again. I don't trust myself anymore. You can have happiness your way. My way is always wrong. So." She shifted under me, squaring her shoulders. "We're doing it your way, Lesa. Tonight. Today. The sooner the better. I'll speak to Frederic. I was thinking that maybe if we give you enough morphine, it wouldn't be so bad. It's worth a try." She gritted her teeth.

"Anna, no—"

She put her finger to my lips. "Don't worry, Elsa, love. I haven't forgotten what else you wanted—what we wanted."

Her hands were in my hair, her lips moving softly — but very seriously — against mine, before I realized what she was saying. What she was doing.

There wasn't much time to act. If I waited too long, I wouldn't be able to remember why I needed to stop her. Already, I couldn't breathe right. My hands were gripping her arms, pulling myself tighter to her, my mouth glued to hers and answering every unspoken question she asked.

I tried to clear my head, to find a way to speak.

She rolled gently, pressing me into the cool grass.

Oh, never mind! my less noble side exulted. My head was full of the sweetness of her breath.

No, no, no, I argued with myself. I shook my head, and her mouth moved to my neck, giving me a chance to breathe.

"Stop, Anna. Wait." My voice was as weak as my will.

"Why?" she whispered into the hollow of my throat.

I labored to put some resolve into my tone. "I don't want to do this now."

"Don't you?" she asked, a smile in her voice. She moved her lips back to mine and made speaking impossible. Heat coursed through my veins, burning where my skin touched hers.

I made myself focus. It took a great deal of effort just to force my hands to free themselves from her hair, to move them to her chest. But I did it. And then I shoved against her, trying to push her away. I could not succeed alone, but she responded as I knew she would.

She pulled back a few inches to look at me, and her eyes did nothing to help my resolve. They were black fire. They smoldered.

"Why?" she asked again, her voice low and rough. "I love you. I want you. Right now."

The butterflies in my stomach flooded my throat. She took advantage of my speechlessness.

"Wait, wait," I tried to say around her lips.

"Not for me," she murmured in disagreement.

"Please?" I gasped.

She groaned, and pushed herself away from me, rolling onto her back again.

We both lay there for a minute, trying to slow our breathing.

"Tell me why not, Elsa," she demanded. "This had better not be about me."

I laughed.

"No, my beautiful idiot, this is aboutme."

She looked at me, confused.

I took a deep breath, and I stood up.

"We're doing this the right way. Because it's howIwant to do it. I want to give Agnarr and Iduna the satisfaction of seeing me married. I want Alice to have her fun. I want to have a wedding. I want to tie myself to you in every human way possible… Because I'm choosing me. I'm choosing to be human, Anna."

Her eyes widened, and she stood with me. "I don't understand, you said you didn't want to cut it too close…"

"Well, I don't want people making a big fuss about a wedding anniversary and my birthday all in one month. I might explode."

"But, what about giving Agnarr a proper goodbye?" She asked, her eyes blazing.

"I'm going to be moving out, either way. Be it for college, or getting married, or whatever. I want Agnarr to know I'm being taken care of. I want everyone to know what I chose. I'm choosing you, Anna—but I'm choosing to stay human."

She wrapped her arms around my waist and I smiled.

"This wasn't just a choice between you and Honeymaren. It was a choosing the right path for me. I've faced death and loss and pain in your world. But, I've also never felt stronger, more real, more…myself.Because it's my world, too, Anna. It's where I belong." I smiled at her. "But I belong in it exactly as I am. Human. Because that's how I've faced it so far, and how I'll face it from now on."

She smiled down at me, wistful. "If you change your mind…"

"You'll be the first to know," I promised.

The rain started to drop through the clouds just then, a few scattered drops that made faintthudsas they struck the grass.

I stared up into the sky, smiling widely.

"I'll get you home." She brushed the tiny beads of water from my cheeks.

"Rain's not the problem," I sighed. "But it does mean that it's time to go do something that will be very unpleasant and possibly even highly dangerous."

Her eyes widened in alarm.

"It's a good thing you're bulletproof." I teased. "I'm going to need that ring. It's time to tell Agnarr."

She laughed with me now. "Highly dangerous," she agreed. She laughed again and then reached into the pocket of her jeans. "But at least there's no need for a side trip."

She once again slid my ring into place on the third finger of my left hand.

Where it would stay—for the rest of my human life