Ortho Goddess: Chapter XXVIV
On the car ride home, Callie mused about the things that were about to change. She would be actively co-parenting with Arizona again. They would be seeing a lot more of each other. It would probably take some time to get used to their 'new normal'.
She chuckled at her own mind calling it 'the new normal'. Callie Torres had never been normal. As a child, she was the weird girl in the back of the class, eating her hair. When she got a little older, she was still the weird girl, but she had grown into her own and just did her own thing. Instead of choosing the career path that had practically been laid out for her, growing into her father's business, she had chosen a different path. Her own path. Instead of enjoying the luxuries of being a trust fund baby, she had joined the peace corps and went on a mission to Botswana. And instead of letting daddy pay for everything, she lived in the hospital's basement during her residency.
She was not even normal when it came to dating. Or whatever 'normal' was when it came to dating. Callie was pretty sure that her dating history was far from it. But right now, in this moment, she felt pretty normal. She dragged herself back to her apartment after her shift and when she entered, after Arizona opened the door for her, she found herself in the kitchen. Arizona had made breakfast for Sofia and was now plating up eggs and toast for Callie as well.
Even though, in reality, this was far from normal. Callie decided that for now, she would just enjoy the ride of the normal feeling. It was good to be normal for once. To at least feel that.
"Any cool surgeries?" Arizona asked while Callie not so ceremoniously shoveled another bite of eggs and toast into her mouth. Dammit, she was hungry and this food was delicious.
"Hmm," she forced herself to finish chewing before she spoke. "This ultralight plane dove into a crowd. The Yankees' pitcher was one of the victims, I swear, that guy could probably get himself in trouble brushing his teeth. He seems to have a backstage pass to the ER."
Arizona chuckled. "Athletes sometimes think they are invincible." She got Sofia's now empty plate and moved further into the kitchen to put it in the dish washer.
Callie smiled while eyeing the scene in front of her. Arizona was being all 'homey' while she had barely been to Callie's apartment. "Thanks," she said while finishing her breakfast. She really appreciated that Arizona had made her breakfast. The blonde did not have to do that. As much as it felt weird though, it also felt kind of normal.
"No problem, I figured you'd be starving so we came straight here when you messaged me. I…ah…I think I'm signing the lease on that last apartment we saw yesterday."
"That's great, Arizona," the dark-haired woman's face lit up. "Do you want me to watch Sofia while you go? I can take her to the park for a while?"
"I can watch myself, thank you very much." The fierce 9-year old interrupted.
Callie could not help but chuckle. Even her daughter's sass was normal today. "Says the girl who is still in trouble," she teased. "I want to hang out with my daughter, is that ok?"
Sofia broke into a beaming smile. "Okay, mama, we can hang out."
"Be gentle," Arizona said softly into Callie's ear while she leaned over to clean up her plate. The fact that her simple action she caused her ex-wife to suck in a deep breath was lost on Arizona. Or if it had not been, she was hiding the fact that she had noticed.
Okay. Callie's mind was reeling for a moment. That feeling Arizona's breath against her ear caused her body to go in overdrive. That was NOT normal. She really needed to get herself in check. She should not and could not let herself feel all these things again. They were in a good place now, the endless fighting over every little thing had stopped and they were friendly again.
She had always known that Arizona would have her back in case of an emergency, just like it would always be the other way around. But right now, she could actually feel it as well. From the moment she had learned Arizona was coming to New York, she had looked forward to having her around again. That was what she felt. But her mind had caused her to freak out because there were so many what ifs, buts and maybes.
Now Arizona was here and it just felt right to have her around again. It felt easier than she had expected. But right now, her brain was so fried, there was simply no energy to overthink things.
"Alright, so I'll head out," Arizona said after putting the rest of the dishes in the dishwasher. "I've left your key on the table in the hallway. Shall I meet you for lunch? I'll take Sofia after so you can catch up on sleep."
"Sounds perfect," Callie said with a smile. She was looking forward to spending the morning with Sofia, no matter how tired she was. And she could use some time outside in the cool air to cool off. She needed to stop this school girl act around Arizona and get her head straight.
A few hours later, Callie was sitting on a bench in the park. Sofia was sitting next to her, enjoying her ice cream. Of course, Callie had given in and the little girl was munching on a three scoop cone. No way she was going to finish her lunch later. But hey, she was her mother, spoiling had to happen sometimes.
"Sofia?" Callie said after a long bout of just sitting together in silence.
"Hmm?" The little girl looked up at her mother with big innocent eyes.
"Can I talk to you about something?" Callie was being serious, but the look her daughter gave her made her crack up. It was a look she was very familiar with, one she regularly gave people herself.
"Don't laugh at me, mama."
"Sorry, baby. You just really reminded me of myself there."
After taking another long lick of her ice cream, she looked at her mother again. "What do you want to talk about?"
"I think you know." Callie had found that now Sofia was older, she no longer needed to use child speak on her. The more she treated Sofia as an actual person instead of a little kid, the more the little girl reacted to it.
"I'm sorry for stealing the money, mama. I didn't mean to get in trouble." The deflated look on Sofia's face gave away just how bad she felt about it. It made Callie's heart break just a little.
"I think you've already received your punishment," Callie said matter-of-factly. She wanted to make her daughter feel better, not worse. Plus, it was probably Sofia's luck that her mother had had quite some time to cool off. Callie's temper had wavered and she mostly wanted to be there for her daughter.
Dark brown eyes met each other and Sofia flashed her mother a hopeful look. It was almost confusing that she did not get told off again for her crime.
"I'm still super sorry. Super." Sofia paused to take another long lick from her ice cream.
"I know you are. And I know mommy already talked to you about it." She paused and looked at her daughter. She wanted so much for her little girl and she truly hoped that she would be thriving now she was coming back to New York and would have both her mothers there. "I just wanted to talk to you about why you did it," Callie said.
Sofia pursed her lips and purposely avoided her mother's gaze. "I wanted to buy a plane ticket to New York to come see you," she said in a sad tone of voice. "But I didn't want to tell mommy because she gets sad when I'm sad about not being with you. And then I get sad."
Of course, she knew this already. But actually hearing her daughter saying it out loud tore through her like a knife. It almost physically hurt to see her daughter hurt like this. "I think we were all sad," she said, trying to not break. She turned towards Sofia and ran her hand through the little girl's raven hair. "You know you can talk to me, right? Always. You can tell me anything that's on your mind and I will always listen to you."
Sofia nodded. "I know, mama."
"Your mommy and I will both always listen. It's important that we all talk to each other, so we know how we are all feeling."
The little girl leaned into Callie's touch while biting down on her ice cream cone. The ice cream itself had gone by now and she had managed to eat it without making a mess. "But what if I tell you something that makes mommy sad?" Sofia mused before taking another bite of her cone.
"If it's something the you need to tell mommy too, I will help you," Callie replied. "You don't ever have to feel like you have to hide things from us, baby. No matter how bad they are."
"I can't wait to move back to New York," Sofia replied. "I like having you and mommy close at the same time."
Callie smiled. "Me too, baby, me too."
"Mama?"
"Yes?"
"Mommy told me you went to see Abuelo." Sofia narrowed her eyes as she looked at her mother. "Why did you go see him without me?"
In a funny turn of events, it was now Callie who was getting told off. "I had to go to Miami for work. I promise once you and mommy are settled here, we will go see him, ok?"
"Can mommy come?"
That question was a lot more loaded than Sofia probably realized. It sounded like an ideal trip, like a normal question. But somehow Callie feared that Sofia might think everything would be like before since Arizona was now also moving to New York. It had been three years since the divorce and Sofia had had plenty of time to get used to the situation. She just hoped that this new situation did not gave the little girl any false hope.
"We will see about that. First you'll need to get settled here, one step at a time, alright?"
"Are you and mommy friends?"
Callie raised her eyebrow and looked down at Sofia. "Of course we are, why are you asking?"
"Mommy hasn't made breakfast for you in a long time."
That earned Sofia a chuckle from her mother. "That's because I'm the breakfast princess, I always used to make breakfast, remember?" She paused and flashed her daughter a questioning look. Her mother instinct told her there was something behind this line of questioning. "What's on your mind?"
"Mommy said that you and her are special friends," Sofia continued. "Does that mean things will be like before again?"
And there it was. 'Children understand more than you think' was not just some cute quote, Callie realized that it was super accurate. Sofia had apparently also picked up on the different vibe between Arizona and her. They had been more friendly towards each other in the past year and when they had been together. And ever since the break-up with Penny, they had spent more time with the three of them. Callie was not ready to talk about it, however. And even if she had been, Sofia was the last person she would be discussing this with.
"Mommy and I are special friends," she answered, an unconscious smile gracing her lips at the thought of Arizona calling her a special friend. "We will always be special friends because we have you. But we are not together anymore."
"Don't you love mommy anymore?"
This was really not a conversation she wanted to have right now. But it was fair enough, Sofia had probably spent three years figuring things out and it was a conversation that had been coming for a while. Arizona moving to New York was not some magical solution to everything. Sure, it was great for Sofia, but it would probably also cause some confusion.
"I do love mommy. And I love you," Callie explained. "And mommy also loves you."
Sofia frowned and Callie could see the little cogs in her daughter's brain working overtime. It was amusing to watch since it reminded her so much of herself.
"You don't have Penny anymore and mommy doesn't have Carina anymore," Sofia mused. "So you can be together again, right?"
"You don't always have to have a girlfriend or a boyfriend," Callie replied. "Sometimes people are just by themselves and they love the people around them, without being in a relationship."
"Like me," Sofia concluded. "I love you and I love mommy and I love Abuelo and grandma and grandpa and Zola and Bailey and Ellis and I love aunty Meredith, but I don't want a boyfriend or a girlfriend."
Callie could not help but chuckle. Sofia's analogy was not exactly the same, but it seemed the little girl understood what Callie was trying to say. Thank God Sofia did not want a boyfriend. It was just too soon for that. "Exactly," she replied. "We are all single ladies, living it up in New York."
Her daughter's words did set off a million and one thoughts in Callie's head. Would there be a possibility that Arizona and her could try again? That things could go back to normal? Yeah, no, things would probably never be normal again. If she wanted to keep her sanity, she should not go down that road.
"Mama?"
Sofia derailed Callie's train of thought and she shook her head to regain focus. She looked down at her daughter next to her and smiled at her. "Yes, baby?"
"I wish things were like before."