Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, CBS, the Sullivan Company and to A&E.

A Path Through the Dark

Chapter 29

The sun was beginning to peak over the horizon when Sully pulled into the parking lot at St. Mary's. Sully did not wish to be distrubed and so he'd left Shadow Mountain while it was still dark but now that he was here, it felt a bit strange. What was he going to do? What was he going to say? He sat in Cloud Dancing's truck for another five minutes watching the sun rise higher before he made up his mind to get out. When he finally opened the door of the car, he shivered against the cold winter air. Another dusting of snow had fallen overnight and his feet crunched over the ground as he walked.

Only parts of the cemetery were in shadow as he approached the gate and Sully found he felt a little more at ease. Still he paused at the gate and took a deep breath before he walked in. He hated cemeteries and he hadn't wanted to bury Abby in one but Loren had insisted that Abby be buried near her mother. Sully wanted to scatter her ashes in the mountains - somewhere peaceful.

He knew his loathing of cemeteries began when he was much younger. His mother, who could not get over his father's death, made them visit his grave every Sunday. When his mother died, he only visited her and his father's grave when she was buried and then once when he took Abby there. Abby's grave, he visited only on the day of her funeral. The thought of her funeral made him cringe because of his own actions. Sully had arrived at the funeral straight from the hospital after being released into Cloud Dancing's care. His stomach had been pumped twenty four hours earlier.

Yet even the one visit had stayed with him and he found her grave with ease. A grave marker had been added since his last visit- no doubt Loren's doing. Maude was buried here as well right beside Abby and Loren had a plot on the other side. Abby's gravestone was a rose color and it said "Beloved Mother, Daughter and Wife." Sully smarted a little that wife was last but he had not been asked his opinion.

Sully shuffled his feet nervously, wishing he had brought flowers or something. It was peaceful here, he thought. There was a tree close by the graves and Sully imagined that at some point of the day it would cast its shadow here. For some reason, Sully took comfort in that.

Finally he spoke, his voice loud in the empty morning air. "Abby." He paused, feeling the wetness on his cheeks but ignoring it. "I wish you could see our daughter. She is amazing. I see you in her everyday, especially when she gets mad." He laughed to himself fondly remembering how red Abby could turn when she was upset with you. "Sometimes it seems like only yesterday that you were here." Sully sniffled and swallowed hard. "Sometimes it seems like I've lived five lifetimes since the day you left us."

He bent over now and traced her name on the grave. Abigail Bray Sully. When he finished tracing, he stood and looked down at the ring on his left hand. "I'm taking this off today." His voice was a whisper. "I haven't stopped loving you. I won't ever stop loving you." He paused, thinking about how to say what he needed to say. "I've met someone. I was missing you something terribly and Hannah was so fragile. She was there like a light in the dark. Abby…. I love her. I know it hasn't been that long since I lost you and maybe it seems impossible to love someone already but I think you would want me to be happy."

Sully stopped now and waited, wishing he could be certain he was making the right decision.

"If losing you has taught me anything, it is that there are no promises or guarantees in life. I thought I'd grow old with you and now….." Sully's voice trailed off and he let the tears fall as they came.

After a few minutes, he kissed his fingertips and then touched the gravestone. "My dearest Abby, I promise you that Hannah will know all about you. I promise you that your rings and my ring will be hers one day. I promise that I will honor what we shared by choosing life and happiness. And I hope and pray that you are at peace."

Sully stood fully erect now and cleared his throat. He wiped briskly at his cheeks with the sleeve of his coat and instantly regretted the rough fabric against his skin. Slowly he made his way back to the gate. As he arrived at the gate, he turned around and looked back at Abby's resting place. One beam of sunlight was filtering through the trees illuminating the headstone and it gave Sully a feeling of peace.

Michaela was sitting in the kitchen with a cup of tea still feeling groggy from the pain medication she had taken the night before. She vowed now that she was well rested to stick to over the counter medications for pain if she could. Still she felt better than yesterday. Sully had run an errand this morning and hadn't yet returned. Snowbird did not know where he'd gone. Michaela had to admit her curiosity was piqued but she also was anxious to see him and make things right between them.

On the table in front of her was a medical journal but it sat closed for now. She had sent obligatory emails this morning checking on the status of things at work and had heard back from most. The computer was still open with a tab pulled up of a commercial real estate company. The buildings were mostly new construction in medical parks but Michaela didn't feel herself drawn to them.

Michaela knew that if she was to make this career move, she wanted a private practice. The power of medical enterprises was already too great and she didn't want to be a cog in the machine. She wanted some autonomy to control workflow but she also knew that she wanted to work with underserved populations.

As she sat contemplating, her phone began to vibrate in her pocket and she picked up, surprised at the number that was showing on the caller id.

"Grace?"

"Oh Michaela thank goodness. I've been trying Dorothy for the last hour and I couldn't get her. I hope you don't mind that I called you."

"Of course not. Is something wrong?"Michaela could hear Grace sniffling and she worried about what was happening, her first thought going to Robert E. "Is Robert E okay?"

"Yes," she replied with a sigh. "I mean technically nothing is wrong."

"Okay?" Michaela said the word as a question as she tried to make sense of the phone call.

"I've taken ten pregnancy tests this morning." She didn't say anything else and Michaela still felt lost.

"And?"

"They're all positive." Grace let forth a sob that confused Michaela.

Thinking that these were happy tears, Micahela replied, "Grace, that is so wonderful."

"No you don't understand. Every pregnancy I've ever had has ended in miscarriage. And I can't do this again….. I can't go on this roller coaster of hope and loss again."

"Oh Grace," Michaela replied with her voice full of concern. "I didn't mean to be callous. This has to be so hard." She paused and Grace's sniffling filled the other end of the line. "Does Robert E know yet?"

"No. I can't tell him. I don't know what to do. I don't want to go to the doctor. It will probably all be over in a week - like the rest were."

"Do you know how far along you are?"

"My cycle is crazy. I think my last period was in October."

Michaela was counting in her head, her face contorted as she did. "Grace you could be further along than you think."

"Michaela, don't say that." Grace started sobbing harder than before.

Michaela waited for Grace to quiet a little. "Listen," she said tenderly. "I know this is very scary for you. You know there is little they can do early on for a pregnancy that isn't viable." She heard Grace hiccup on the other end of the line. "But if you want some more information, I mean I am a doctor. I can get a blood test, an ultrasound…. There are some advantages to running a hospital."

Grace was quiet for a long time but Michaela waited patiently. "I don't want to go alone and I don't want to tell Robert E." She hiccupped again.

"If you can give me today to organize some things, I can meet you tomorrow. I know a terrific ob who will be honest with you and who works with women who've had multiple miscarriages."

"I don't know."

"I know you're scared but not knowing anything is going to drive you crazy."

"I don't want to tell Robert E yet."

"That's fine," Michaela assured her. "Can you get away tomorrow?"

"Yes but the afternoon would be best."

"Ok, I'll text you with the details. And I'll be with you each step tomorrow."

Grace blew her nose and Micaheal held her phone away from her ear momentarily. "Thank you Michaela."

"You are most welcome. Relax - stressing won't be good for you." She almost said for the baby but then caught herself. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Michaela peaked up over the edge of her medical journal to watch Sully cuddling his daughter against his shoulder. Hannah was almost asleep. Michaela could see her eyes fluttering. He sang softly to her, his hands rubbing her tiny back. His eyes were closed though his grip on the baby did not falter. She couldn't help but smile. Sully was an amazing father, the type of father you would want for your children. She blushed then, chastising herself for going too far in the future with a relationship as new as this one. Then unbidden, her thoughts turned to Grace and Robert E.

"What happened?"

Michaela looked up and realized Sully's eyes were now open. "What do you mean?"

"You looked so happy and then it was like a cloud came over your face." Sully stood, softly cradling Hannah with both hands and slowly moved towards her crib. Michaela didn't say anything, not wanting to wake Hannah. Sully turned off the light near the crib, leaving only the light from the bedside lamp. He walked over to the bed. "Can I join you?"

"I was hoping," Michaela said with a smile.

Michaela was sitting against the headboard, her wrist resting on a pillow. Sully curled up beside her, propping his head in his hand. "So what happened?" he asked again, reaching over to take her medical journal from her.

"I'm not done with that," she protested.

Sully smiled as she relinquished it anyway. "You're avoiding my question."

Michaela shook her head. "I was just thinking about how unfair life is sometimes."

"Any situation in particular?"

"Grace and Robert E."

"Yeah," he said with a little nod of acknowledgment. "I can't really imagine what they've been through. Once Abby went off birth control we were pregnant the same month." Michaela cleared her throat uncomfortably and gave a curt nod of her head.

Sully was watching her carefully. "Sorry if that made you uncomfortable." Michaela gave a little shrug but didn't say anything. "Speaking of uncomfortable- I guess we should talk about yesterday."

"Right," Michaela said.

"Or we could make out instead." Sully said with a little grin.

Michaela knew the color was rising on her cheeks. "We should probably talk."

"But you did say you enjoyed making out with me." He leaned over and placed a kiss to her shoulder.

Michaela shook her head but smiled. "I do think we should talk."

"Okay," Sully conceded with a slightly forlorn look.

Michaela looked sheepish. "Sully I don't want you to think that I'm embarrassed to be with you."

"I'm sorry that I jumped there so quickly. Loren always thought I wasn't good enough for Abby." He touched her cheek. "And well…..". Sully trailed off and Michaela thought she saw a hint of color on his cheeks.

"What?" Michaela said, giving his fingers a light squeeze.

"I thought David was an ass when I heard you talk about him. Then I met him and realized he was an ass." Michaela couldn't help but smile. "And I wondered why you were with him."

Michaela giggled. "He wasn't always an ass but honestly I think he was jealous of me spending time with you."

"I guess I figured that it was important to you to be with someone of his social status."

"No," Michaela quickly corrected. She looked down shyly. "But it's hard to find a man who doesn't feel threatened by a wife with a career like mine. As long as David and I were more or less equals, things were fine. When I became chief of surgery here, that's when the change began."

Sully let go of her hand to push a strand of hair out of Michaela's face. "You know that doesn't bother me."

"Are you sure?" She was searching his face and Sully could see she was worried.

"I promise," he replied. "I had lots of opportunities because of Cloud Dancing and Snowbird. I went to college for a year and hated it."

"Really?"

"Is me going to college that hard to imagine?"

"No," she replied quickly. "I can't believe you hated it."

Sully laughed. "The feeling was mutual. They didn't ask me back for a second year."

Michaela wrinkled her nose up. "I'm getting anxious just hearing this story. I still dream that I completely forgot to attend a class all semester or that I missed a major deadline."

Sully shrugged. "It didn't turn out so bad. Cloud Dancing helped me find an apprenticeship and I get to do what I enjoy - working with my hands." He held them up and Michaela frowned.

"Sully, you aren't wearing your wedding ring."

He pressed his lips together and took a deep breath. "It was time," he said quietly.

"You didn't have to…." Michaela began but Sully stopped her.

"I want to be with you Michaela, completely with you." He looked at her, his eyes sparkling as he watched her. "Can I take you out for New Years?"

"Yes," she whispered breathlessly, her heart beating a little quicker now. "Is this a fancy go out for New Years?"

"A little," Sully said trying not to really give anything away.

"I'll need to go home to get something to wear."

"I need to go to Colorado Springs tomorrow anyway. I can pick something up for you," Sully offered.

"No, I need to go to the hospital."

Sully looked at her quizzically. "Your wrist?"

"Uh..: I need to go by the hospital for a patient consultation." That seemed like a good compromise between lying and revealing a confidence. "What do you need to go Colorado Springs for?"

Sully raised an eyebrow. "Making sure everything is right for a special New Year's celebration."

Michaela smiled and then stifled a yawn. "Looks like the patient needs to rest."

"I'm good," Michaela protested but Sully was already standing.

He picked up her medical journal and then her sling which was on the end of the bed and walked to the door. "Come on."

Michaela was feeling cheeky. "Are you really ordering a girl off of your bed and out of your room?"

Sully's mouth was half open in surprise. She walked past him and continued over to her room where she pushed open the door. Being careful to avoid her wrist, Sully pinned her against the door jamb.

He licked his lips and watched the color on her cheeks deepen but she was not tense or nervous looking. Her legs were slightly apart and he moved one of his legs into the space bringing the two of them even closer together.

Sully brought his hand around her waist and pushed her shirt up slightly so that his hand rested against her skin. His other hand rested against the door above her head. Never taking his eyes off of her, he leaned in to kiss her.

"Leave that poor girl alone." Sully jumped back and Michaela moved to the side slightly to see Snowbird standing at the top of the stairs, hands on hips.

Sully groaned and turned. "I promise you she asked me to do that."

Snowbird looked indignant. "Byron Sully, stop lying this instant."

Sully turned back to Michaela, kissed her chastely and then let go of her. "I want the record to note that mom sent me to bed."

"So noted," Michaela replied grinning ear to ear as Snowbird scowled at Sully.