Chapter 29

Josh: I reach the door and something on the floor catches my eyes, is that a, wait it can't be, is that a pregnancy test?

I walk in a little further and I see her, she swings to face me and the look on her face confirms my worst suspicions

I sit on the sofa and she tries to explain, what and why and when and I just don't care, she betrayed me. An overwhelming feeling of sadness takes over me and I am choked with emotions I have never felt before; doesn't she know how much I love her? Why would she do this? I put my head down and I don't know from where but the tears are flowing and when I can't take it anymore, I get up and walk out. I always knew that she and Romeo had a strong bond, a weird relationship where she loved him and he hurt her and he loved her but she could never work passed his past, but I never expected this, I never expected her to sleep with him and now she is pregnant. I get to my car and I am driving, driving and hitting my steering wheel and screaming and crying. I am a mad man, angry and hurt. I look up and find myself at Romeo's house, yes Romeo's house, how I got there, I don't know and I don't care, he has to pay. No one walks over me and just gets away with it. There is a small girl at the gate and I ask her to call Romeo for me, I know security is tight and they have big gates and high walls. She looks up and says "Romeo is gone, the police say we must give money and then we can fetch him but my daddy doesn't know where to fetch him" then she picks up her ball and skips off. WHAT THE F!

I run back to my car and drive to the nearest café, I grab my laptop and I start searching for news on Romeo, a kidnapping of a rich boy, man gets lost or something but there is not a trace of him on the news, I type Kale son missing or Kales son kidnapped and I try every possible headline but nothing. I slam the laptop close, she is a little girl Josh, what does she know?

I drive home and when I get there, I fall in Ola's arms and just hold her because I don't know what else to do.

Ola: "What's wrong my son?

Josh: "I think I just lost Lilly abuela?"

Ola: "Why would you say that?

Josh: "I think she chose another man over me"

Ola: "did you ask her?"

Josh: "I didn't have too. She is pregnant and the baby isn't mine and what's worse is that his missing, he left her, his family doesn't know where he is."

Ola: "Josh sit up, look at me"

I sit up and listen to my granny.

Ola: "do you love her?"

Josh: "Yes, but..."

Ola: "yes or no Josh!"

Josh: "yes abuela, I do?"

Ola: "Do you want to be with her?

Josh: "yes"

Ola: "Does she love you?"

Josh: "Yes"

Ola: "let me tell you something, listen to me, A father's relationship with his child is a precious and unique one. A bond not easily broken. I have raised you as my son and no one can take that away from me Josh, I am not your mother but that doesn't mean, you are not my son. When the time comes the DNA wont matter, you would have decided that even if you are not the father, he or she will be your child. Right now, Lilly needs you, be there for her. Bigger decisions and conversations can be had later."

Josh: My grandmother is right, I love Lilly and I won't lose her to Romeo, I need to speak to her and if she chooses me, I will support her and we will make this work. "thank you abuela, I need to speak to Lilly, I'll be home soon ok."

90 days later

Lilly's POV:

Romeo doesn't know I am pregnant and I am almost 17 weeks along. Josh and I are still together and regardless of what has happened, I make it up to him every day. I am so grateful he has forgiven me. We are at my doctor's appointment and we said we were telling my parents this weekend, that I am pregnant. He asked me not to mention who the father is, no one needs to know. His here and his taking responsibility for my actions so I am okay with his request. I have tried calling Romeo, for weeks but he never answered or returned my calls so I am moving on with my life and I will make the best out of this situation. The doctor asks me to urinate in a cup and he does all the necessary weight checks, BP checks and then I lie down for the scan. He asks if we would like to know the sex of the baby and I say no but Josh says yes, he looks at me with his puppy brown eyes and I give in.

Doctor: "Congratulations, You are having a girl."

We are so happy and we both have tears in our eyes. This moment is perfect but deep down I can't help to think of Romeo. We drive home in a complete bliss and we talk baby names, his funny because his suggestions are names similar to his, Josie, Joshlynn Josetta and I am laughing so hard, I almost wet myself. Josh leaves that evening and we are both happy. I immediately fall asleep because I am so tired and soon morning comes, I lie in bed and the sunshine wakes me but I feel weird, wet and when I lift the covers all I see is blood.

I try to keep still as if that will stop the blood, I pull the covers back down and pray that I was dreaming but when I check again it looks even more and now I start crying. I call Josh and he says he will be here in ten-minutes, so I get up, clean myself up and put on a change of clothes and tell myself to be strong, everything is going to be okay. We reach the hospital in record time and two hours later they confirm my worst fear, I had a miscarriage. I just lie there and cry, I don't want anyone around me, I don't want reasons or medical terms, I just don't care. I want to be alone. I think of Romeo and I get angry, where was he when I needed him? How could he let this happen? Maybe the stress of worrying about him all the time caused this? I hated the woman he was with right now even though I didn't know her name or if he even was with anyone, I didn't care, I was angry and it was his fault.

They give me strong pain killers and just like that, they send me home, the drive home is quiet and long and when we get to my house I ask him not to come in, I just wanted to be alone. I lie in my bed and cry like a baby and I think of how many times I have fallen asleep like this and that makes me cry even more.

A few hours later, it is late, pass midnight and there is a knock on the door. I am still awake because frankly I just don't want to sleep. My dad calls me and it takes me a few minutes to really want to get up, it's cold and late and I am sore. I reach the top of the stairs and I see the cops at the door and I want to run down, OH MY GOD…. WHAT NOW?

Officer: "Lilly?"

Lilly: "yes that's me, is everything ok?"

Officer: "Mam do you know Josh Wittier?"

Lilly: "yes is he ok, is it Granny Ola?"

Officer: "Miss, I am afraid his been in a car accident?"

Lilly: "who Josh? Is he hurt, did he break and arm, a leg? What happened?"

Officer: "We found him about two hours ago and we have been trying to find his emergency contact but we have had no luck, do you know who we can call"

Lilly: "I am his family, it's just me and Ola, please officer, is Josh ok"

Officer: "I am afraid he didn't make it mam."

I fall to my knees.

I met Josh at a car accident, how apt. I was 19 years old. I was hurt and alone and he was there. He showed up, every time. Six feet tall and all jet-black hair, Josh was definitely handsome but it was his vanilla, mochaccino, fresh cream, caramel looking skin that really attracted me. We instantly felt a connection. He was the only other serious boyfriend in my life. We dated for a long time, felt like forever, he always said I racked up his phone bill because I talked too much. I hated it when he called me his monkey and we also scribbled our code word, SHMILY (SEE HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU) on scraps of paper and hid them in each other's cars so the other person would find them by surprise when we were apart. We planned to spend the rest of our lives together. I will be twenty-one years old next month and he won't be here, it breaks my heart. I met Granny Ola, he called her abuela, it was Spanish for grandmother, a few months after we started dating, it was weird that he didn't let me know he was home safely, granny Ola always scolded him about it so, it became our thing. I was drowning in my own sorrow when the police knocked on my door and told me they found Josh's car flipped over on the highway. My heart was pounding as I asked as many questions as I could, did he break an arm? After five long minutes they told me he was gone. I screamed and collapsed on the floor, crying. Every part of me hurt tremendously. I couldn't get enough air into my lungs, my heart felt like it was going to explode.

Days before the funeral, I barely ate or slept, Friends tried to comfort me by saying "It's going to be okay," but I wanted to snap "How?" Rene, my best friend, knew I didn't want to talk. She just stayed quietly by my side, handing me tissues while I cried and cried. Granny Ola asked me to give a eulogy at the funeral, and I did, focusing on the happy moments we'd shared. But as I watched his casket being lowered into the ground at the cemetery, I lost it. If not for my mom holding me back, I would have literally thrown myself into Josh's grave. I was consumed with pain.

A week later, I took all my savings, packed a bag and kissed my parent's goodbye at the airport. I left on a much-needed vacation, I needed to get away from the place we shared all our memories. On the plane I watched as a mother scolded her little son and I wanted to yell at her for being so ungrateful, I had just lost my daughter. I was furious at the unfairness of her death and his death and how uncertain my future now seemed. I spent the whole flight wondering if the accident would have happened if I let Josh stay that night. I promised to visit his grave once a week, that was before Ola told me that he would be buried in his home town. I felt so alone, I asked Granny Ola to engrave SHMILY on his tombstone and she promised she would. A week later, Granny Ola asked me to help her pack up her things and sent them to Josh's aunts house, she was moving there so that she didn't have to be alone and she obviously needed someone to look after her and take her to her hospital check up's and appointments. It was hard, I felt like I was losing her too but I understood. We hugged and cried and bid our goodbyes.

I got to the hotel and I began bingeing on chips and cookies and I think of his eyes that were so deep and dark and I spent that first week mourning my baby girl and my handsome boyfriend, that I lost on the same day.

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