"I remember when
I remember, I remember when I lost my mind
There was something so pleasant about that place
Even your emotions have an echo in so much space
And when you're out there without care
Yeah, I was out of touch
But it wasn't because I didn't know enough
I just knew too much"
Gnarls Barkley—"Crazy"
The sex was incredible.
Kris sat on her back porch sipping on sweet tea and holding her small bag of bones on her thigh. Her skin darkened in the slivers of sunlight that sneaked through the overcast December sky, and she closed her eyes thinking about all the pleasure she had with Erik anytime she wanted it.
She could cry thinking about how good he made her feel mentally and physically during their sessions. That's what she called it. Not hook-ups. She didn't call them fuck buddies because it was a little more than that for him. They were lovers. Plain and simple.
She found joy in clawing his back with her nails as he pleasured her for long stretches of time. She still hadn't got used to his body, and every encounter was a revelation of what he could do to make her orgasm. Their favorite position together was Kris on top. Erik loved submitting to her and she would control the depth and speed of his penetration as he fondled her breasts and sucked on her nipples. Fingering her clit, he would talk to her in a soft voice filled with vulgar language that made her pussy clench around him uncontrollably. After a few sessions together, he didn't need to pluck at her clit to make her cum as she bounced on him. She could lean forward and shove herself down on his girth and he would stretch her out until her folds dragged down and the friction would ignite her release. Erik watched her face as she came, his mouth barely open, his pants matching the intensity of her whimpers.
He loved to flip her over then so she could wrap her legs around his waist as he sank into her deep, balls deep, giving her quick thrusts that hit the bottom of her pussy making her scream his name. The nails came out then, dragging up and down his sweaty back or across his shoulders. The harder she dug into his flesh, the harder he came inside of her. Their lovemaking was mutually satisfying until she slipped up.
The night it happened burned in her mind.
He followed her home one night after a late work night at TLS and they sat up in her disheveled kitchen drinking Henny as she made a new batch of Florida Water to sell online with some of her money blessing oils. All over her kitchen table and counters were plastic bowls filled with clear carrier oils, dressing oils, ritual oils, and various anointing oils waiting for her to add flowers and other plant extracts she steeped the night before. She had gotten the idea of adding food coloring to some of her conjure oils to give them a pretty look in some of the two-ounce clear glass oil bottles stacked in a cardboard box on the floor near the back door. Nothing psychologically attuned customers to expecting needed money blessings than having a conjure oil with a green dollar bill tint.
Erik stared at the yellow legal pad notes she had pinned all over her kitchen walls in colored markers with lists of ingredients and names of herbs that she experimented with that were culled from the old Hoodoo heads in North Carolina. The earthy red-clay brown liquor they drank and the sensual music she played on her laptop got to them both soon enough, and after she turned off the stove, they ground their bodies against each other to slow jams in her living room with her arms draped around his neck and his palms rubbing on her booty through her faded turquoise house dress. When those big lips of his made love marks all across the column of her neck, her panties grew damp and they scooted to her bedroom on wobbly legs. They were naked and lip-locked when Erik pressed the bulbous head of his dick into her opening.
"Shit. Condom," he said falling back on his haunches.
He scratched the back of his head, and the weight of his dick bobbed in front of her.
"Grab one."
"I don't have any on me."
He reached for his jeans.
"I'll go buy some," he slurred.
"You're drunk. No driving for you! Just pull out," she giggled opening her legs wider. Erik slapped her hip and rubbed a hand over the branding on his pec.
"I'm joking man, relax," she said.
Kris stuck a hand inside her nightstand and rummaged around for a second before pulling out an unopened condom box. They weren't Erik's brand.
"Use these."
Erik took the box and stared at it. The playful liquor-tinged brown eyes that teased her in the kitchen disappeared.
"What's up with this?"
"Condoms. We need them—"
"Nah. You know what I mean. You seeing someone else already?"
It wasn't cheating. He knew what their relationship was from the start.
"I'm getting prepared. A woman should always have her own backup condoms just in case. Why the screwface? Erik… I told you what I was going to do."
"Okay, fine. Do you then—"
"I am. You don't have to act like an ass about it because you don't like it."
"We grown."
"Fine then. Are we using these?"
Erik tore the box open and drew out a condom and opened it. She smothered his lips with her Henny mouth and the sex was one-sided after that. He made love like he had something to prove.
No. It wasn't lovemaking. Erik fucked her.
He fucked her hard. Hard enough to make her head bang against the headboard. When she tried to shift her position, he grabbed her by the throat and forced her head down on the pillow, tossing her legs over his shoulders as he rooted himself in her depths. There were no tender words whispered in her ear or even the nasty street language she thrilled to hear from him. That man bucked his hips into her and grunted his way to a powerful climax. He dragged the filled condom off of his rigid length and tossed it on the nightstand then planted his face between her thighs and tongued her for an hour until her ravished folds contracted on his lips.
There was no more talk about her getting with other men from that day forward. He seemed to ignore the reality of it and acted out his aversion to it by plundering her walls when they had sessions. He couldn't tell her not to see other people, but he showed her with the aggressive turn he took with her body. A different side of him poured out and Kris enjoyed it. All the sex became centered on her. Jealous sex had him pulling out all the stops in his bag of tricks. She didn't turn into a pillow princess, but Kris rested in that energy with him and took all that he gave without apology.
Kris scratched her scalp and closed the two halves of her maroon-colored bible onto a thin red silk bookmarker.
Every morning she sat on her back porch and meditated on a bible verse and wrote notes in her journal to channel the energy she wanted to hold close to her spirit for the day. Sometimes she wanted to learn something new. Sometimes she wanted to be a light for someone else. Often, she wanted to be open to the spirit world as she kept taking care of her altar and keeping those hoodoo bones close to her person.
The bones were learning about her.
The moment her Granny May passed them down to her, she had to introduce herself to them by keeping them on her all day. She took them with her when she went out, but kept them hidden. They watched her. Learned her voice and mannerisms. At night, she took them out and fondled each one.
Three cowrie shells. A coyote tooth. A broken piece of abalone shell. A corkscrew shell from a faraway beach. A precious pale round button made of deer bone that belonged to an enslaved female ancestor that was sold downriver to New Orleans. Her child grabbed a hold of her dress and that button was the only thing left of her when she was ripped away from her young one. A baby tooth that Granny May's great-grandfather saved from a beloved boy child who died of tuberculosis as a toddler. A tarnished penny dated back to the first World War. A single die made of scrimshaw, the whalebone aged yellow with time. A rattlesnake tail with seven segments along with the reptile's bottom jaw bone. Fangs intact. An old rusted key that Granny couldn't remember where it came from but her Great-great-great-grandmother kept so it meant something powerful. Slivers of broken animal bones from rabbits to chickens. A God's eye marble. Two shriveled red beans. Five stone-like kernels of blue corn. One small dark pebble. One bright yellow plastic hair bead and a two-inch broken stick as thick as her thumb chewed with bark beetle markings around it.
It all looked so random when sitting spread out on her round rattan tray. But lumped together inside her black velvet bone bag, she could sense the power. It rattled like a heartbeat inside a breathing small thing. Thrummed with so much life.
The bones didn't like her at first.
Cool to her fingers, they took a long time to warm up to her touch. Her energy was flustered because of Erik. Because of Jordan. Because of her new life in Texas. That scattered energy irritated everything around her and didn't settle until she cleansed the house she lived in and made the intention of staying on top of her altar work. That meant sitting with her bag of bones and keeping it company as they got to courting one another. There were stories about bones never taking a shine to their new owners and that was a sad state to be in for any hoodoo family. Especially if the lineage was broken or dying. So far, only Kris and two cousins in New Orleans carried on the work. It deeply troubled Granny May.
Luckily, her bag liked her plenty, and she eventually hoped to throw them for readings. Her lessons with her grandmother were going well. She filled up journals with words and sketches of bone tossings by Granny May to learn how to read all the various meanings and absorb everything. In time, she would interpret the bone readings in her own special way. They would imprint on her and she could manifest new meanings from them. Bones were more powerful than tarot cards. It was the difference between seeking the wisdom of a toddler versus a seasoned adult.
Back on the porch, the bones whispered to her. She caught flashes of images. Ideas flitted in and out of her mind. The call was for her to enjoy the company of other people. Other men in particular.
She once allowed Erik to see the contents of the bag after she trusted him enough to not act scared around it. He was respectful, but she could tell that it unnerved him. He still couldn't see how the simple tools and ingredients she used could have that much of an effect on people. A part of him believed it, but the rational mind of his fought it too. Even with her work to lift Biandro's curse from him, Erik still wavered in his total belief. His desperation made him open to possibilities, but once his problem was solved, the blinders went on again. Kris tried to explain that the power was in the intention and the faith all over again. The more powerful the rootwork and the conjurer behind it, the more powerful the magic worked. He saw the people who came in and out of her house for her help and guidance. They came based on faith and trusted her intentional blessings.
Erik once tried to be funny and came to her house to ask for a love spell to be cast on her. She sent him home with no pussy that night. He couldn't believe she had put him out. When he came sniffing around her at work, he apologized.
"I don't work like that Erik. There are people who will do that for you, but I'm not the one. Forcing people to do things that aren't truly in their hearts freely is wrong. Exploitive."
"Voodoo ain't exploiting people if they fall for it—"
"Nigga I done told you too many times already. Hoodoo and Voodoo are not the same thing. Stop being disrespectful."
"I was playing, baby. It helps me relax around all that in your house."
The "all that" was her altar in the bedroom.
It grew.
She moved a wide side table under the windowsill and added more items to it extending the size. A cousin shipped her a small alligator head from New Orleans and she bought herself a Mexican clay human skull painted in purple and pink decorative flowers. She set those out with brand new colored glass candles and he freaked when he saw them as she burned incense in the room. She covered everything when they had sex in her bed, but his eyes slid over to that side of the room when they finished. He didn't spend the night very often because of that. That was fine with her because she didn't want him getting too comfortable in her home. He was doing too much of that smothering at work.
He watched her. Kept tabs on her during breaks to see who she was chatting up outside on the patio. It grew worse when she dated Lonzo Blake who worked for the gas company. She met him at a cookout at Rekia's place and he was nice enough to ask her to a baseball game in Houston. They went on a double-date with Rekia and her boyfriend and Kris had a blast. Lonzo was funny, considerate, and a great kisser. She made the mistake of telling him where she worked with Rekia and he stopped by one sultry night with a group of friends, and on her break, she danced with him. Erik caught them together.
He said nothing and worked behind the bar as usual, but there was a coolness with their interactions when she cashed out patrons. He did exactly what she feared he would do. Made shit weird.
He played it off better when she dated David McDuffey, a big ole country boy with a North Texas accent who worked at a barbershop across town. Erik knew him from a mutual friend, so it must've been easier to swallow seeing her leave work early for date nights. He didn't act threatened with that one. She bounced between Lonzo and David for a minute before Savion knocked her socks off. He worked for the head of the sanitation department and she liked how he approached her on a dating app. Their first date was at an open brunch party. Tall, suave, with gorgeous mahogany skin and full of hearty laughter, she liked how his stocky belly felt against her when she sat on his lap. It kept her warm, and she enjoyed hugging on it when they took walks around the city on later dates. Out of the three new men she juggled in three months, Savion had the best dick. Probably because he was well-groomed, like Erik, and he was attentive to her sexual needs, like Erik. With Lonzo and David, Kris had to play with her clit herself to get an orgasm with intercourse. Savion kept his fingers on that nub as much as he could. Just like Erik.
However…
She went back to Erik.
Often.
Something about that man made her seek him out when she didn't see him for stretches of days. He was in contract negotiations in Austin to open the new saloon. There was talk around TLS of promotions and transfers to the new location if it opened at the end of the year.
He stopped calling or texting her for a four-day stretch and she grew a little miffed by it. It wasn't like him to ignore her check-in texts or voicemail messages. Lying in bed with Savion one night at his condo, Kris texted Erik asking if she could go riding that weekend. She knew she could go to The Roux anytime she wanted without Erik being there, but she wanted to go when he was around so she could see him. Despite her mini hoecation, Erik was still a good friend. One of two close ones she had in Mariscal. He didn't get back to her.
Mulling over her feelings with her bone bag on her hip, Kris stared at her cell phone sitting on the porch bench. A zap of electrical energy drew her eyes back to the bag.
"Hush," she whispered moving the bag away from her hip.
Savion did a good job of giving her the loving she wanted. He had a fat dick and curious fingers. But Erik had that something extra. The more she tried to leave a gap of space between them to keep herself from rushing headlong into another Jordan situation with Erik, the more she craved him. She didn't want to fixate on one guy. She knew her old patterns. Doing that meant that she would eventually turn her life over to the other person and live for them and not herself. She gave love completely to her man and left very little for herself. Never again. She needed more time playing the field and thriving on her own. The bones and the ancestors encouraged that. That was the energy she heeded. Her carnal desires had to be controlled. She could see herself running after Erik the way she did Jordan. No, Ma'am.
Her fingers tapped on her phone.
New email.
She opened it.
Her heart raced.
She stood up then sat down again. She shoved her hand over her mouth.
###
Erik was the first person she wanted to tell.
Kris drove her car onto the Caddo Ranch and honked her horn when she saw Miss Rae riding Sunshine near the lake. Slowing down her car, she curved around until she was right next to the Stevens matriarch.
"Hi Sweetheart, were you coming to ride today?" Miss Rae asked.
"No, I came to see if Erik was here. I tried calling him, but he won't pick up."
"Is something wrong?"
"Oh no, I just have some good news for him."
"He's at his house. At least he was there an hour ago."
"I'll go check!"
"Stay for lunch if you like," Miss Rae said before tapping her heels into Sunshine's side and riding off toward the pasture.
Kris slowed down her drive as she passed the stables and guest house. Erik's house came into view and she saw his truck out front and Big Man tied to a post on the side.
She hopped out of her car and ran up porch steps. The front door was open but the screen was locked.
"Erik!" she shouted.
He strolled to the door in a simple green t-shirt and faded jeans.
"What are you doing here?"
He unlatched the screen door and she jumped in his arms.
"I was invited to give a talk at the International Conference on the Fantastic in the Arts in Orlando, Florida! They liked my paper and want me to present on a panel!"
"That's awesome, baby!"
Kris burst into tears.
She worked so hard on putting together an exploration on the geography of one of the scary stories she heard back in North Carolina. She traced the origins of the West African Obayifo to the Soucouyant in Trinidad and Tobago all the way to the Geechee in the American South with their tales of the Boo Hag. The stories of witches in Nigeria morphed into sinister island women that shifted into the life-force stealing Hag in her country. Her paper brought in the seamless history of the African diaspora and the sly creation of what was essentially a unique Black vampire. Through the use of salt or rice as protection and the wisdom of bottle trees against ancient haints, Kris was able to incorporate the use of hoodoo traditions in supernatural folk tales.
She knew she had an excellent chance of getting her independent research recognized somehow. She submitted the seventy-five-page paper two months back, and her confirmation as a speaker meant she would fly to Florida in the Spring. She could visit her parents on the East Coast and share her success. A well-known conference that brought in academics from across the globe gave her the first opportunity to show the world her smarts. What made the news sweeter, the same paper was being considered for publication in the respected diasporic Callaloo Journal too.
Erik wrapped his arms around her. He rocked her and kissed the top of her head.
"You worked your butt off for this," he whispered.
"I have to send them my bio and a recent photo to go into the conference booklet."
She wiped her eyes as Erik held her. Staring up at him, her eyes were still blurry.
"Why the tears?" he asked.
"I was getting so many rejections for a while that I thought maybe I wasn't good enough to write these topics."
"Girl, please. You're fucking brilliant. Give me some sugar," he said.
She kissed him with enthusiasm. He'd been gone from her side four days straight. The thumping from her clit in her panties made her squirm against him as she slipped her tongue in his mouth. He must've missed her too because he was pushing up against her like he needed her bad.
"Your family must be proud," he said when they broke apart to breathe.
"You were the first person I told. I just received the email like forty minutes ago."
"We should celebrate. I'm off tonight at six. I can take you to dinner."
Her eyes lit up but dulled just as quickly.
"I can't. I have plans."
"A date?"
"Savion."
"Well, you can celebrate with him."
He said it with no malice. Just a matter-of-fact tone, if not a little blunt to Kris's ears. Erik pulled away from her and stepped out onto his porch to untie Big Man.
"I want to celebrate with you. Another time though," she encouraged.
"Whatever you want to do."
He gave her a smile, but she didn't see that smile reach his eyes. She followed him all the way back to the stables where she watched Erik replace two of Big Man's horseshoes. It was interesting to watch. That man and that horse definitely had a great bond together. Erik talked to Big Man like a person and damned if that equine didn't whinny or huff out a noise like he was responding right back. Kris also got to see some of the work done on the ranch with Biandro and Selena nearby.
She had to watch her steps near the stable, fresh horse shit was everywhere and Erik explained that several of the boarding horses arrived with intestinal worms, so a vet was treating them with medicine that made them dump everywhere. By the time Erik finished working on Big Man, he had two other horses to fix shoes for and she hung out to be near him. By lunchtime, she had texted Savion to ask for a rain check on their date.
She followed Erik and his family to the main house where she shared a scrumptious buffalo stew and fresh-baked bread meal. When the others returned to their ranch work, Kris stopped Erik near the stables.
"I want to go out with you… tonight. I broke my date with Savion."
Erik grinned.
"You want some of Daddy's pipe," he joked.
She slapped his arm.
"I do. But I want to have a fancy meal as well."
"You deserve it."
His eyes made her stomach jump. She followed behind him as he headed back to his house. He showered from the manual labor as she sat on his couch watching TV. He changed into some nice slacks and a fitted blue casual shirt.
"I have to do some TLS work in my home office for the next couple of hours, so I can pick you up later if you want or you can hang out."
"Well, if it's a fancy dinner, I think I want to get gussied up."
"I'll be by your place at seven."
"Cool."
She stood on tiptoe and gave him a kiss on the cheek. He bent down and placed a tight hand around her waist thrusting his lips against her ear. The heat from his mouth made her body tingle.
"Have that pussy ready for some deep dick tonight."
Her body shivered against him.
"I ain't been around in a minute, so I know you hurtin' for it."
She rolled her eyes and pushed back from him.
"Savion ain't handling it right."
"How you know?" she challenged.
"Your eyes undressed me the moment you came inside my house. I know your pussy was jumping for this dick. I know you inside and out, girl."
He grabbed on his crotch and she rolled her eyes again.
"Lemme feel on your pussy then."
"What?! Now you are being stupid."
"I know your pussy is wet right now just from kissing me earlier."
"Bye Erik."
She turned to leave. He grabbed her back pocket and pulled her back.
"Lemme touch that kitty."
His voice grew husky, and he pressed up against her. He tugged on the metal buttons of her 501s. She stepped back not wanting to prove him right. Erik shoved her against the wall near the front door and crowded her body with his. The heat from his tall, dominating frame melted her into a quivering mess.
Erik spun her around and his thick fingers reached down and unfastened her jeans. He yanked them down to her knees and thrust the fingers of his right hand into her white cotton bikini panties. They both heard the slick sounds and Kris whimpered into the wall.
"Don't move," he said.
She pressed her hands on the side of her chest and heard him pad his feet toward his bedroom. He returned quickly with the sharp sound of his zipper going down. There were fumblings behind her and then his cheek rested against hers.
"Arch your back."
She did and lost her breath.
The penetration was swift with his hands gripping her waist.
"Dammit!"
His voice came out harsh… strained. Kris pressed her forehead against the wall and pushed back on him. Gritting her teeth, she tried to act cool having him inside of her, but the charade didn't last long…
"… hitting that spot… yeah… look how you actin'…"
His mouth stayed near her ear making the sensations all over her body intense. When she was about to collapse, Erik swept his arms under her legs and lifted her in his arms. He carried her to his bedroom and placed her gently on his bed where he tossed off his clothes. She wiggled out of her jeans and he helped her take off her shirt and then her bra. Climbing on top of her, Erik plunged back into the throbbing fiery core at her apex. His mouth and tongue sought refuge with hers, and before he snatched her to ecstasy once more, he murmured in her ear how proud he was of her, how happy he was that she shared her good news with him first, how good she felt in his arms.
Toes pointed toward the ceiling and her eyes watering from the slow swivel in his hips as he took his time, Kris had great pride in knowing she was the first and only woman to have Erik in that bed. The thought scared her too because once more, she envisioned being with him and giving her entire life over to one man. The tightness in her stomach reached up into her chest.
She couldn't do it. No matter how much she liked him and wanted to be around him, she couldn't go there with him. She'd relapse and lose herself again and that wasn't fair to the new confident woman she had become.
Suppressing her fears, Kris rested in the devastating pleasure and all the erotic trembling Erik gave her all over. It was the gift that only he could give.