During the fall, their hands drifted apart. Sammy tried to keep her eyes on Angel, but the water was approaching so fast, and she had been falling for far too long to think it wouldn't be the worst physical pain she had ever experienced.

She hit the water with a stinging slap. She didn't feel it at first. She was distracted by the breath being knocked from her lungs and forced out of her mouth in strangled bubbles as she sunk further and further from the surface. The world was just a haze of light blurred by the rushing rapids. She swung her arms around the foam surrounding her and tried to feel for Angel. All she met was the resistance of the water against her outstretched fingers. Her eyes were stinging from trying to keep them open, but she was afraid to close them in case this was the last thing she ever saw. It was dark near the bottom of the river. Everything was decorated in the faint sunlight shining through the layers of bubbling water.

Her lungs were beginning to burn. She wondered how long she had been under the surface. It was oddly peaceful there, watching the waves rush by overhead. It was like she was in another world, or stuck in some kind in-between. She was in line to move from life to death, and the waiting room was flooded and drenched. She could see her hand in front of her, watched as the bubbles stuck to her skin. She let out the last bit of air she was holding in and then she felt the pain.

It was sharp and stinging. Her skin cried out like she had been slapped hard all over her body. She wondered if anything had broken from the hit, but if anything did, it didn't matter. She was weightless in the water. And she was drowning.

She sucked in a sudden breath against her will and pressed her hands to her throat in a panic. Her lungs were full of water and she started to kick for the surface, reaching desperately for the shimmering sunlight above. It sparkled on the water, like some kind of magic. Sammy didn't want to die, but she figured this wouldn't be a bad way to go. It was better than wasting away to a disease like Riley had. It was better than losing herself to drugs. It was better than choking on her own blood after a bullet wound or a bad fight. Maybe drowning would only hurt for a second, and then maybe it would be peaceful. As peaceful as death could really be.

The more she thought about it, the less she fought to break the surface. Her body was being jerked around by the rapids and it was exhausting. She thought about when Riley was born.

It had been a long day. When Sammy first met Riley, she knew she'd be the best big sister in the entire world. She'd go to hell and back to make sure that little baby had the best type of life. She'd take care of her and make sure she was happy. That baby girl was everything she could've been but wasn't. Everything she should've been but fought against. She was potential, she was love. She was the potential for love. She had a life and a world ahead of her and Sammy knew in that very first moment, at fourteen years old, that she'd fight tooth and nail to deliver that world right to Riley.

The first time she held her, she realized that even though she was small, she was strong. She looked feeble and breakable, but there was strength in her tiny little grasp. Strength in her kicks and coos. She looked so small and in need of protection, which she was, but she was also more. She was fierce and demanding. She cried with all the power in her lungs. Nobody had belittled that strong voice of hers yet. If Sammy had anything to do with it, nobody ever would. She'd stay that strong forever, that little baby.

She had cloudy eyes that had not yet claimed their final color. Her face was smooth and pink, chubby in all the right spots, and she looked up at Sammy like she knew her and understood her despite entering the world not long before. She always had that pensive, complicated look in her eyes. A little squint. A gentle twist of her lips. Hands balled into fists that curled beneath her chin like The Thinker.

The surface of the water seemed to be getting further away. Was she sinking? She felt like it was ironic to die by drowning when babies scream so desperately against their first true breath of air. Their lungs expand, take in that oxygen, and they cry. Riley had cried. Of course Riley had cried. Had Riley cried when she realized she was going to die before her life ever even began?

Sammy also thought of Bee. She was a sweet girl, charming, and she would do good in the military. She thought on her own terms but couldn't organize those thoughts into action, so she was good at following orders. Sammy had never been great at that, but she could do it if she put her mind to it. During basic, Bee had kept her in check, and Sammy kept Bee fighting. Fighting to be better. Fighting to wake up every morning that her body ached and she felt like she couldn't move. Sammy knew what it meant to be near death and that morning soreness was nothing like it, and she wouldn't let Bee believe it was for a second. There were much worse things in life than getting dragged out of bed early, cold and in pain. Bee had been a good friend. She'd listened to Sammy about her pain. Her pain- Lee.

Lee.

Sammy thought about Lee Christmas.

She thought about that first night, and as she looked up, she imagined that the foam bubbling at the surface of the water looked a lot like stars in the sky. Maybe she was just floating in the universe instead of drowning in a flowing river. Maybe things could just be ridiculous like that. If they were, fairness and unfairness would fly out the window immediately. How fair was it that Sammy would only get a few good months with Lee, who was arguably the love of her life? If she died in that river, he would definitely have been the love of her life, because she had never loved anybody quite like him before. She realized that even though he had hurt her, she wished she would never love anybody the way she loved him again. Loving him had felt like drowning, but sometimes it felt good. Like looking up at the surface, the spots of white foam and the bubbles reflecting the sunlight. Like relief was right there. That's what loving Lee had been like. Relief.

She remembered the first time he held her. It was after that bad storm, when her fathers job had let him go. When Riley's death locked itself into imminence. When Sammy was forced to face mortality in a way she never wanted to. She had seen death before, but not the death of someone that should've outlived her. That deserved to outlive her. Lee had held her through that pain, had held her while she slept. He stayed with her while she cried and worked her way through it. He slept beside her when she asked. He drove her to work, he held her hand, he made her tea. He brushed her hair from her face, he made her laugh and smile when the world around her was collapsing into tiny pieces. He kissed her gently, with caution and so much love. So much more love than she had ever experienced before, so much more than she thought she ever deserved. He told her that he loved her. She could hear his voice in her head as she sunk further into the river saying it over and over again.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

He had knelt down and held her and apologized after their first fight. He had been scared. She realized that she couldn't blame him for having fear. It was only natural. He loved something and so he was afraid to lose it. Sammy understood that perfectly. She had loved Riley and had lost her anyway. Love wasn't enough to keep someone alive.

Love wasn't enough to keep Lee from stepping in front of bullets, either. Not that she had ever asked him to, or ever planned on asking him to. Sammy knew that what Lee did for a living coincided with who he was, and she couldn't ask him to change that. Not for her. She didn't feel worth that kind of love. Lee was a good man the way he was. Still, Sammy was afraid to lose him not because he wasn't good, but because life was just unfair.

She thought about the night he left for that last mission before she went to basic. She thought about their goodbye. She thought about the pain of walking away without him there to see, to miss her as she left, to be proud of her. She thought about when she came back, about Barney and Tool greeting her in the shop like family. She thought about seeing Lee in the bar for the first time after months. She thought about Gunner and his addictions. She thought about Toll and his books. She thought about Caesar and his blades. She thought about Yang and his size and speed. They were a makeshift family, and she was patched into their patchwork.

She felt the dog tag around her neck float up towards her face. It was too close to make out the text on it, but she knew what it said. It was who she was; who she had become.

The old Sammy would've let herself drown. She would've let herself be tormented by the memories as the life drained from her lungs. But would the new Sammy?

Would Gogh not fight until all her strength was pried out of her?

Sammy closed her eyes and thought about Riley. Riley was dead. She couldn't help her now. Her body was buried in the ground, and whatever else was left of her was gone.

She opened her eyes. Her lungs burned. She started to swim.

—-

Lee rolled forward off the steep drop from the hill with Barney right behind him. The gunmen ahead of them turned from the edge of the cliff and started to fire, but Lee was faster with his knives. Barney matched his speed with bullets.

The rest of the team scrambled to find their footing and lay down fire. A bullet found its way towards Lee and grazed his arm. He grunted and cursed, but the pain hardly did anything to slow down his knives as they flew from his hands. When he ran out, he forced his way towards them, his ears ringing from the gunshots around him.

There weren't many left. He grabbed one of them by the collar of his shirt and threw him to the ground. He drew his fist back as he held him down and tightened his jaw, his lips curled inwards into a snarl. He examined the man for a second, and then he slammed his fist down against his jaw, knocking him out immediately. He didn't stop there, though. He kept hitting him until the gunshots died down and Barney was yanking him backwards and yelling at him to stop. His voice was lost amidst the sounds of Lee's panicked thoughts, but eventually he fell back, panting and out of breath, his knuckles bloody and split and broken. Blood had splattered up onto his face and coated his stubbled skin. He spit out whatever had seeped into his mouth and tried to shake off the tears, but they blossomed in his eyes anyway.

"Lee," Barney said, tugging him back further and grabbing him by his vest. "Christmas!"

"No," Lee said, holding his bloody hands out and away from his face. "I need… I need-"

"I know," Barney said, nodding. He sighed and looked towards Captain, who was helping Luna keep Bones from the edge of the cliff. "We're gonna get her. Both of them. They're gonna be just fine."

Lee met Barney's eyes. Barney was notoriously difficult to read, but Lee had never struggled with it, and he didn't in that moment either. He knew that Barney was uncertain. He knew that Barney was at a loss. Lee couldn't think about that yet. Sammy had jumped down into the river, so there was a good chance that both she and Angel were still alive. That they would be okay. They had to be. She had to be. Lee had a lifetime that he had to make up for. He wanted to give Sammy everything she never had. Hell, he'd even retire from the Expendables just to wake up next to her everyday for the rest of his life. He'd get fresh flowers for Riley every few days, he'd make them tea and breakfast every morning, he'd marry her in a heartbeat. He'd have a family with her. Decorate a nursery, be a stay-at-home dad while she did tattoos with Tool and made a name for herself as an artist. He had so much left to do so Sammy had to be okay. He couldn't picture a life without her. He didn't want to picture a life without her.

"Angel!" Bones yelled, sinking into Captain's arms as she looked over the cliff. "I can't see them. I can't see them."

"Gunner," Barney said, daring to tear his eyes from Lee.

"Yeah?"

"Is there another way down?"

"It's a hike," Gunner said. "I think it's the way the river is going."

"Yang?" Barney asked.

"Oaf is right," Yang said.

"Captain," Barney said, pulling his hands away from Lee's vest, content that he wouldn't run off or continue beating the man on the ground to death. "This is a rescue mission now."

"Yeah, it is," Cap said, running her hand along the back of Bones' head. "We need to get them and get out of dodge ASAP."

"I couldn't agree more," Barney said.

"She could survive that jump, right?" Lee asked, looking between his teammates. They all shifted, unwilling to be the one to speak up.

Finally, Gunner stepped forward and put a hand on Lee's shoulder. They both looked at each other. Lee's bloody fist reminded him of when he had beaten Gunner in Tool's apartment.

"Sammy will survive," Gunner said.

Lee knew that Gunner needed it to be true just as much as he did. All he could do was nod.

"Let's head down to that bank, double time," Captain said. "Maggie, you take the rear, make sure nobody tries to surprise us. Luna, you help Bones. She's weak on her feet. Blood loss, I think. Barney-"

"We got it," he said, nodding at her. "Lee, keep your head on straight. You're with me. Gunner, Yang, you both take up the back with Maggie. Keep your eyes sharp. Caesar and Toll, take the middle and help Luna if she needs it. Keep them between you both. Understood?"

A chorus of acceptance swept over them and they sprung into motion. Lee felt his hands begin to tremble and he squeezed them into fists. He had run out of knives taking out all of those guys. He didn't keep track of how many there had been, and he figured it didn't really matter. Bloodbath or not, Sammy had left her perch and ended up in a fight of her own. All that mattered was that she had been alive when she jumped off the cliff.

He shared a glance with Bones as he walked to the front of the pack with Barney and Captain. Their eyes bore the same look.

It was the look of heartbreak losing its balance on its tightrope, ready to fall and crash open on the hard ground beneath it. The balancing act was up.

—-

When her head broke through the surface of the water and she took that first shallow breath of air, she coughed and wheezed and sputtered. She choked on the water in her lungs and gasped, reaching out to her sides to try and find something to grab onto. She had no idea where she was. She couldn't focus on anything over the rushing water and the sound of the river crashing along the rocky banks. She tried to call for Angel, but her words were swallowed by the water every time. She spit as water flooded her mouth, trying to keep herself above the current, but it was proving to be difficult and exhausting.

She wanted Lee.

She knew that real strength didn't mean being able to do everything herself. Real strength meant being able to admit when she needed help. And she needed help. Badly.

And she wanted Lee.

She flapped her arms to try and slow her pace downstream and scanned the immediate area around herself, searching for any sign of Angel. Her gear was weighing her down but she couldn't wiggle her way out of it and keep herself afloat at the same time. She worried that if she went under the water again, she'd never come back up. Not alive, anyway.

The water slowly began to let up, but not before a sudden rush slammed her back-first into a large boulder. She grunted and felt her vision start to darken and she reached out to hold onto it to no avail. It was wet and slipped right through her grasp. She groaned, exhausted, and focused on keeping her chin up as the slowing water rocked her quickly forward. Her legs were beginning to cramp and spasm and she yelped, splashing her arms with less aggression each time.

Faintly, just out of her reach, she saw a black blob bob in the water. Her gut jumped to alert and she didn't hesitate on biting back the pain and pushing herself towards it. It had to be Angel. She had to be okay.

She reached the blob and gripped it tight. After a quick second of catching her breath she yanked the blob over and stared down at Angel's pale, deathly blue face and lips. She grabbed her by her chin and shook her. She called out her name. She couldn't tell if she was breathing or had a pulse with the sound of the water splashing and pounding in the background. There was too much movement to see if her chest was rising and falling. Sammy was too out of breath to try and call her name, to talk to her, so she restarted to squeezed her body against her own and the waves pushed them towards a bank. She would need to swim towards it, perpendicular to the flow of the river, with Angel in tow. She bit her lip and braced herself. She could do this. She could save Angel.

She did her best to keep Angel's head above water as she lugged her towards the muddy bank, taking in water herself as she struggled. She could just barely feel the river floor at her toes as she swam and she tried to push off of it to urge herself further. Soon she was sinking into the mud like quicksand, trying to stand but slipping.

She wrapped her arms up under Angel's so that her back was against Sammy's chest. She heaved, slipping and falling with a splash into the water a few times. She cried out, desperately pulling Angel ashore, watching in fear as the blood clouded in the water around her. She wasn't sure whose blood it was exactly, but her mind told her it was Angel's. She had been shot before they jumped off the cliff. Sammy didn't know where. Her priority was making sure she didn't drown.

Sammy fell backwards in the shallow water, Angel in a puddle besides her, entangled in her arms. The water lapped at her spent and sore body, teasing her, gentle caresses to lure her back into its depths. The pleasant, peaceful call of death, of drowning, of nothingness and blackness and the prickles of bubbling stars above her as happier memories danced in her head. But the stars were a lie. The river was a lie.Death was a lie. Even the nothingness, the peace, the call of the void- it was all one big lie tied up with a bow of bones and blood. Sammy did not want to die.

And Sammy did not want Angel to die. She didn't want to leave her behind in that hopeless emptiness that disguised itself so expertly as hope. She didn't want to leave her alone in that repetitive hell of what could have been. It was nice to remember, but maybe even better, kinder to forget; and you had to be alive to do the latter. There was a lot that Sammy wanted to forget. Not necessarily the bad things. She wanted to remember the pain and struggle because it was what had made her, like an unassuming blade forged in a hot, scalding fire. She wanted to forget the fights with Lee, she wanted to forget ever walking away from him. She wanted to forget the heartache of sleeping in a bed that smelled like him but that didn't contain him like it did her. She wanted to forget the harsh words spoken in fear and anger and miscommunication. She wanted to remember the love. She wanted to live for the love. The love of Lee, intimate and soft and transcending; the love of the Expendables, familiar and familial and protective; the love of her new team, loyal and compounding.

She cried through the pain quietly as she dragged Angel to the shore. The mud stained their bodies, decorated their skin like warriors fresh from battle. As soon as she reached solid enough ground, she straddled Angel's stomach, lowered her ear to Angel's mouth, and felt for a pulse.

She didn't feel any breath against her skin. She didn't feel a pounding beneath her finger tips. She didn't feel any sign of life emanating from Angel. She pulled her head back and slapped at Angel's face, pulling her head side to side to try and get a reaction. Nothing. She felt her heart go numb and cold and a ringing started to play in her ears, a dreadful funeral march.

She pressed her hands together on Angel's chest and started pumping.

—-

That was how they found them some time later. Barney spotted them first.

He nudged Captain to prepare her for the emotional wreck that would ensue. He knew he had to prepare himself for Lee, but at least Sammy wasn't the one receiving the chest compressions in the mud on the side of a rushing river.

Captain drew in a stuttering breath and nodded. She turned and caught Bones in her arms immediately. Barney put his hands on Lee's shoulders.

"The rest of you," Barney snapped, flicking his head over his shoulder. "Go help."

They all obeyed. Lee searched Barney's eyes. Bones was weak, having lost a lot of blood, and was pushing as hard as she could against Cap's muscled embrace.

"We don't know, Bones," she tried, her grip slipping in the blood. "You need to calm down. You're gonna work yourself to death. Literally."

Lee swallowed and watched her for a second before he turned his attention back to Barney. Back to his friend. Back to the man who always helped him without question, without needing an explanation.

"Lee," Barney said, searching his face. "You good?"

Lee pressed his lips together and locked his eyes with Barney. It was a long moment of silent communication, silent understanding.

"I'm good."

Barney released him and Lee moved forward, swallowing as he watched Gunner wrap his massive arms around Sammy and tug her back as she screamed and fought against him. She was sopping wet, her hair chopped short and tangled on her head. Blood and water dripped down her neck and forehead and she looked less like Sammy and more like a goddess, a warrior. It was a strange juxtaposition, her there with pale, clammy skin and blue lips framed in red struggling against Gunner's embrace compared to the last time she had been in a situation like that. The last time, she had been near unresponsive, limp in Gunner's arms as he shoved his fingers down her throat to urge her back to them. She didn't need any urging this time. She was fully and aggressively alive.

"Stop!" She wailed, and the sound snapped Lee back to the reality of the situation. Sammy was beautiful no matter what, but this situation was not to be admired. It was dire. He hurried forward and met Gunner a few paces away from where Caesar, Toll, Luna, and Maggie were working on Angel.

"Stop it, stop, I have to help her!" Sammy screamed, jumping and clawing against Gunner. He was much bigger than her, much stronger, and he held her back even as she slipped and wiggled through his arms. Her voice cracked as she yelled.

"I can save her! Please!" She cried. "Riley!"

Lee hesitated. He looked back at Angel on her back, Luna compressing her chest with focused force, and then to Sammy.

He took a few steps forward and took Sammy's face in his hands. She fought hm at first, but eventually she calmed, her hands wrapped around his wrists while Gunner held her up from behind. Her eyes found his, and they softened, and he felt a range of emotions; relief, fear, love, panic.

"Sammy," he said, dragging his thumb across her cheekbone, under her eye. He felt her body give in to the feeling, and he hoped that he was forgiven. Gunner still supported most of her weight, and Lee was grateful he didn't decide to add in his own commentary. He could read a room when he really needed to.

"Lee, I can save her," she said.

Lee pulled her from Gunner's arms and she fell into his chest. Gunner looked down, brows furrowed and confused, as a thick spot of blood was left on his chest. Lee brought a hand up to the back of her head and pulled it away bloody. He looked up at Gunner, who didn't need words to understand. He immediately started pulling things from his pack to find his first aid kit.

"I know you can," Lee said, pressing a hard kiss to the side of her head. "You've done so good, love."

He tried to hide how his voice cracked, but Gunner glanced up at him and frowned. He knew he couldn't hide it.

"I can save her, Lee. Riley needs me," she said, her words softer, more quiet, laced with exhaustion and the crashing of her adrenaline.

"I know baby," he said, holding her steady as Gunner put pressure on the wound on the back of her head. She flinched against it, but Lee tightened his grip on her, and he knew then that he never wanted to let go. "You've done so well, Sammy. You've done it."

"No, no," she said, her words slurring slightly. "I can save her. I can- I can save her."

Bones was at Angel's side. She watched as Luna made way for Caesar to take over compressions, as Angel's body twitched with every press. Bones ran her fingers along Angel's cheek, wiping the water from her paled skin. She was whispering to her, her lips lowered to her ear. Lee closed his eyes and held Sammy close.

"What hurts, Sammy?" He asked.

She didn't answer. She just struggled against him, feebly pulling herself away only to collapse back into him. Her body was coming down from its fight-or-flight. He knew the feeling well. Too well. He rocked her steadily side to side, trying to soothe her, and he focused on the feeling of her pounding heart against his chest.

"It'll be alright," he said, more to himself than to her. "It's gonna be alright."

He could tell she was tired. She'd fought like hell, and she was alive. She'd really done it. She'd proven him wrong.

He was strangely proud, but he realized that he had been expecting it the entire time.

"Riley," Sammy whispered, sinking to her knees and watching Angel carefully. Lee sunk to the ground with her, trying to keep her balanced and upright.

Angel let out a loud, wheezing cough and water expelled from her lungs in a violent burst. Bones cried out and helped Caesar turn her onto her side as she vomited up half the river.

Sammy sighed, looking up and meeting Lee's eyes. Her expression turned cold for a second, and Lee was afraid again. He was afraid that she was going to push him away even in that moment. That he had screwed up so badly that even then, in a moment of so much pain and relief, she would be hurt and shy away from him. He knew he deserved it. He more than deserved it. He had it coming.

She stiffened in his arms and blinked.

"I saved her," she whispered.

Lee nodded, wiping some water and blood from the side of her face. She looked up at him and blinked.

"Yeah, Sammy. You did it. You saved her."

She closed her eyes and let herself go. She fell unconscious there in his arms, and he held her tight against himself, keeping pressure on her wound. He didn't know if he was talking about Angel or Sammy, but it didn't matter.

Sammy had saved them both.