Just a quick update. I'm back in the office and not working from home now, which means I have less time for writing. Due to that. I am changing my update schedule to twice a week to compensate. I'm thinking Monday and Friday for the now, but it may shift depending. Hope you understand. Thanks!
Everything from the point where she'd turned to leave Ben on the balcony, till now - staring blankly down at an assortment of plated foods and colourful drinks - was little more than a numb blur to Emily. There had been voices and faces; someone had taken her hand. There were questions, accompanied by laughter at whatever she'd managed to muster in response. Another glass was placed in her hand, then another. The only thing filling her head was why? Why had she done that? Why would she put herself in that position? What in the ever-living fuck made her think that Ben felt anything for her?
Because he'd looked at her softly? He looked at everyone with kindness. Because he'd touched her? He was just stopping her fucking stupidity. Because she so desperately wanted to believe that someone like him could think anything of someone like her?
Bingo.
God, where the hell was the tequila in this bloody place? That blue piss felt like it had barely given her a buzz. There were other glasses laid out on the polished metal table, all odd twisted shapes and filled with ominous looking liquids. One bottle bubbled pink and orange like a lava lamp. Would that get her so utterly shit-faced, she could just blank out the whole night? Emily picked it up, looking down in surprise at the tremble in her hands, setting a quiver through the floating bubbles. Jesus, she needed to pull herself together.
"I wouldn't recommend that particular beverage…unless your salivatory glands can neutralise the neurotoxins, that is."
Emily looked up from the bottle to the man standing surprisingly close beside her. How long had he been there for? She hadn't heard a sound. He was tall and broad, dark hair slicked back and a neatly trimmed goatee framing his smile. His clothes were simple but fine - blue grey and silver, with a subtle embroidery that had Plo Koon's voice echoing 'Alderaan' in her head.
"Senator Organa," Emily said, vaguely remembering their previous introduction. "Sorry, I was just looking for something that I ah…could…"
The Senator calmly watched as she fumbled her words. What was she going to say? Kindly point me to the bottle that will nuke the largest number of braincells possible - I'd like to get as wasted as an un-evolved human can be? Probably not the impression she should be making, even if it was a far more honest one.
"…I'd like a drink," she finished lamely. Senator Organa's smile turned decidedly sympathetic.
"I imagine this all must be a little overwhelming for you," he said, his eyes drawn to the shaking bottle still clutched in her hand. Emily set it down on the table, twisting her hands together as she mentally begged her body to get a fucking grip on itself.
"That's one word for it alright," she admitted, trying not to think about how the heat of Ben's hands still seemed to be seared into the skin of her arms. Would things ever be normal between them after this? Could they ever be, after she'd practically thrown herself at him? It's not like she's ignorant to the teachings of the Jedi Order, or to the vows Ben had made. No attachments or possessions - it was one of the first things she'd learned, speaking with Ani all those months ago.
"If I may offer some unsolicited advice?" Senator Organa said, his voice pulling her from her thoughts. She blinked up into his warm brown eyes. "I have found that excessive alcohol consumption around politicians, is something which often leads to nothing but headaches and regrets the following morning."
"I'm afraid I'm going to have those regardless," Emily said, shrugging her shoulders.
"Well, if that's the case," the Senator replied, reaching over the table to grab up a bottle of dark, almost burgundy brown liquid, "then I would personally recommend the Savareen Brandy. It is quite delicious - and also far less likely to destroy your stomach lining."
"That sounds like a winner," Emily agreed, picking up two empty glasses. Senator Organa poured a generous measure into each one, before taking the offered glass. He raised it in his hand in the seemingly universal signal for a toast.
"To new friendships," Organa said, and it was with such sincerity, Emily couldn't help but return his smile, clinking her glass against his.
"I'll drink to that."
The first sip of the reddish liquid was like a mouthful of fire. It tasted like burnt gingerbread and treacle, all smoky - slightly acrid - sweetness and warmth. It left a wake of molten heat as it slid down her throat, leaving a tingling aftermath on her tongue and the roof of her mouth. Emily wished she'd found it sooner; she'd happily tank the full bottle right now.
"I must say, while very unconventional, I found your speech about the progress of the human race to be quite inspiring," Organa said, as Emily enjoyed her second mouthful. "I think we often forget just how much good has been achieved. It is easy to lose sight of our accomplishments, and often it takes an outside eye, such as yours, to help put things back into perspective. Did you often make public speeches on your home-world?"
"Oh God no," Emily said, shaking her head. "I had a job as an administrator. I eh…"
Did they even have admin staff here? She would imagine so, but it was probably droids doing it all, rather than people like her. "I just pushed datapads around, as it were. Other than the occasional dry business presentation, I would usually try to avoid public speaking at all costs. Mainly because of what you just witnessed tonight."
"Well, I believe you may have missed your calling, and we could certainly use more representatives who speak of progress and positivity, rather than regression and isolation. But enough about that, I was hoping that a few of my colleagues and I might have the opportunity to speak to you further?"
"I'd like that," she replied. The Senator offered his arm, and after a brief moment of hesitation, Emily quickly turned to refill her glass with brandy, offering a top up to the openly amused Organa, before looping her arm in his and letting him draw her back into the crowded room. Emily looked around, but couldn't see Ben anywhere. She wondered if he even decided to come back into the room. Maybe he was still out on the balcony, desperately trying to avoid her? The thought made her feel sick.
"I believe you have all been introduced?" Organa said, coming to a stop before a small group of people. They turned to smile at her, and Emily noted that they were all Senators. She recognised the representatives from Senex, Chandrila and Sern Prime among them.
"We were just admiring your drawings," said Teer Tanel, her fan shaped headdress bobbing as she nodded to the holoimage of a galloping herd of horses Emily had drawn. The horses looked like they were speeding across an open plain, tails and manes flickering in a non-existent wind. "They are quite beautiful, I must say. Your world seems to be rich in a wide variety of lifeforms."
"Yes, it is," Emily said. She regretted having never ridden a horse. It was one of so many things she'd always meant to do - had assumed she'd get the opportunity to do in the future. It was just one of a million or so regrets she now held about how much of her life she'd put off living while she'd still had the chance. "Earth has so many animals, it would take years to draw just the ones I can name, never mind the millions more I can't."
"It is the stories from your world that have so thoroughly arrested my attention," Senator Mothma said. Although around the same height as Emily, Mon Mothma had an incredible presence. When she spoke, it felt like everyone around her stopped to listen. "There was one - Nineteen Eighty-Four I believe it was called. We have discussed it amongst ourselves for many weeks now. While you say it is a fictitious account, I must confess that the scenario it portrayed was quite terrifying. That democracy and freedom of speech - indeed just the idea of them - could be perverted to such an extent…"
"I believe it is so terrifying a concept, precisely because one can see the mechanisms it describes - even within our own galaxy," Senator Zar said, nodding his head in agreement as he brushed a wrinkled hand over the long white bristles of his beard. "The erosion of free speech and debate - how often have we seen those very tendrils creep into the heart of our own democracy?"
"That is why the Senate - and the Republic it represents - must be protected at all costs, my friends." Chancellor Palpatine's voice rang out behind her. Emily startled a little, turning around to see that the Chancellor was directly behind her, Ani standing close to his side. "It lies with us, to prevent such an awful scenario from occurring."
The others in the group nodded and murmured their agreement.
"Now, let us not tire Emily with our debates," the Chancellor continued, coming up to stand beside her, his smile turning markedly fond as he addressed her. "You must forgive us; it can be difficult at times for we politicians to reserve our musing only to the Senate chambers."
"If you want a good story, you should get her to tell you about this amazing warrior called Buffy," Ani said, eyes lighting up. "She fights evil, blood drinking monsters that attack the humans in her world."
Emily nearly choked on her drink. Everyone had turned to her, eyes alight with interest, and it was all she could do not to burst out into a fit of laughter. The only reason she had told Ani the story of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, was when he was explaining to her why he was called 'the Chosen One', she'd blurted out a 'oh, like Buffy?' and ever since then, Ani couldn't get enough of the stories about a teenage girl destined to battle evil and save the world.
"Now that does sound like quite a tale," Senator Organa confirmed, and that was how Emily spent the next hour or so trying to explain hellmouths, vampires and demons to some of the most important people in the Galaxy. Her life was so fucking surreal now, there wasn't enough brandy on Coruscant to make it feel normal.
The evening wore on, and Emily was fairly certain that the brandy was really starting to kick in, as she felt the conversations beginning to slip past her, and a bone deep tiredness was settling into her body. There came a point when she noticed that the room was beginning to thin out, with less and less noise of talking around her. It wasn't until she found herself shaking the hand of some writer or another, whose name she'd totally forgotten, as they pressed a thin metal card in her hand and promised her a lucrative publishing deal - should she ever want to sell her stories - that Emily realised the evening was winding down and people were leaving.
"It was an honour and a pleasure to be able to speak with you, Emily," Senator Organa said, taking her hand and bowing as he made to leave. He had stayed till the end, with only a handful of people still lingering in the vast, deserted room now. "Please let me extend an open invitation to you, to visit my home world of Alderaan. It is a beautiful place, and I speak for both my wife and myself, when I say that you would be given the warmest of welcomes."
"That's very nice of you," Emily said, feeling a genuine rush of emotion flood her. She felt herself blinking back tears and knew then, for certain, that she was completely and totally smashed. She wanted to give him a massive hug and sob into his embroidered blue shoulders. "Though I'm not sure I'm allowed to leave the Temple."
"I can't see why not," he said, smiling. "You are a guest, and not a prisoner after all. And I can guarantee that you will be kept perfectly safe there, you have my word. The Queen's honour guard would be assigned to your protection at all times."
"I really would love that," Emily replied. Just the idea that she could go on a spaceship and actually travel to another world, a completely new and alien planet, almost made her dizzy. And he was right, why couldn't she do that? She had spent a previous life putting off so many experiences, and now she had a whole galaxy of new ones to explore. Emily was determined she wouldn't waste what precious time she had again.
"Then I will contact the Jedi Temple myself, first thing tomorrow, to discuss the arrangements. I look forward to speaking to you again soon. Goodnight and farewell for now."
Emily waved to him as he left the room, the door swishing closed behind him. She looked around, taking in the now looming blue images of her old life. She walked towards a drawing she'd made of Culzean Castle, the image of it's looming walls perched on a sheer cliff over a glittering blue sea, was one she'd drawn again and again since she was a child. Emily closed her eyes, picturing the sun painting its walls in gold; the smell of spring grass and wild garlic coming from the forest behind, the salt tang of the sea carrying it off across the rocky shores. It was her favourite place in the whole world, and she'd never get the chance to wander the seaweed strewn pools, looking for colourful shells and scrambling over slippery rocks with her family. She'd never sit on its warm stone battlements, eating ice-cream and watching the kids dash around the rambling gardens. Emily wiped away a stray tear that managed to slip past her eyelids.
"Emily I-" She opened her eyes with a start to see that Ben was standing directly in front of her. He was frowning, and before she could say anything, he took a step, hands out like he was going to touch her again and she couldn't…just couldn't cope with that right now. Emily's stomach felt like it was trying to retract back into her spine.
"Emily, my dear, if I may beg a moment of your time?" Palpatine's voice interrupted. He was standing at the door to another room, Ani beside him again, and all she could feel was utter relief at being saved from any more humiliation. Ben dropped his arms, stepping back from her like he'd been caught with his hands in the cookie jar. She nearly stumbled over the hem of her dress, she was so quick to cross the room to him.
"We will talk again soon my boy," the Chancellor said to Ani, patting him on the shoulder as Emily approached them. Ani bowed to him, a bashful smile on his face as he retreated. The Chancellor motioned to Emily to join him in the room beyond. She entered into the small chamber, it's red walls and carpets making it feel even closer. There were windows here, looking out onto the city, and low cushioned booths tucked in against the walls. Emily could only guess that it was a waiting area of some sort.
"I am most impressed with how well you navigated this evening," the Chancellor said, Emily keeping pace beside him as he walked towards the windows. Speeders zipped past like fireflies in the darkness. "It is not an easy feat, to impress a room full of scientists and Senators, believe me."
He stopped, turning to address her. The alcohol was really hitting Emily now. Her head felt fuzzy, like it was filled with cotton wool and static. It took all of her effort to focus on what he was saying to her. "I wonder if you have considered what trajectory your life outside the Jedi Order may take?"
"Outside?" she said, the word feeling like it was stuck to her tongue.
"Of course. The Jedi Order is a noble institution, but famously known for isolating itself from those not blessed with their knowledge of the Force. I'm afraid they will not shelter you forever. Someday, perhaps soon, you may find yourself in need of a new place to call home. If such an event were to occur, I would have you consider joining me as a representative for the Galactic Republic."
Emily felt alarm grip her, the cold fingers of fear clutching at her chest. She had never even considered that she may be asked to leave the Temple one day; that it wouldn't be her home. It felt like she was building up a new family around her - one that she was growing to love despite their differences. Emily cared about them, all of them, but she hadn't considered that they didn't return that feeling. That she was more of a burden to them, to be shuffled out the door as soon as possible, than someone they wanted in their lives forever. 'No attachments' ran like a mantra through the foggy pressure building in her head. Why would they want her, when they did everything they could to train themselves to not want anything?
"You need not fear my dear," Palpatine said, his voice drowning out everything. Emily hadn't realised that she'd closed her eyes, until she opened them to find his blue-grey ones looking back at her, closer than she had expected. He placed his hands on her shoulders, just like Ben had done no more than a few hours ago, but the shiver that crawled through her at his touch made her want to shrink down into nothingness. It felt like the air was pressing in around her, like a vibration over her skin and stealing the oxygen from her lungs. She couldn't think for it, couldn't think for anything but the horrible realisation that she was alone, that she had nothing - was nothing - and that eventually, she would be tossed aside by the people she loved.
"You have so much potential, Emily. There is so much that we could do together, you and I, to make this galaxy a better place." His hands slithered down her arms, and something deep inside her felt like it was screaming. "I can take care of you. I can protect you. You would always be safe by my side, if you would join with me, Emily."
The pressure in her head felt unbearable now, like a blinding migraine searing its way across her brain. She could hear her own heartbeat pounding blood in her ears. Emily's vision blurred as she saw the pale outline of her hand clutching at the dark material over the Chancellor's chest. She was going to pass out, she realised. Right here, on the blood red carpets. There was a noise, and just as suddenly as it had rushed over her, the enveloping shadow and pressure disappeared.
"My apologies for the interruption Chancellor," Emily heard Ben say. She took in a deep, stuttering breath, and then another, as she felt her head clear again, a lingering buzz and pain behind her eyes left in its wake. She realised that she was still clinging to the Chancellors robes, and on shaky feet, she relaxed her grip, stepping back. Palpatine's own palms dropped from her arms.
"You are just in time Master Kenobi. I fear the refreshments from this evening seem to have caught up with Emily. I believe that she may not be feeling very well."
Emily rubbed her hands over her face, pressing her fingers into her eyelids. God, she really was wasted. Had she nearly collapsed like some drunken bum in front of the leader of the Galactic Republic?
"If you would be so kind as to make sure that she is safely returned and cared for?" Palpatine said, and Emily pulled her hands away, blinking bleary-eyed at the man in front of her.
"I'm sorry, I'm not sure what came over me," she said, shaking her head.
"Savareen Brandy would be my guess," Palpatine replied, smiling. Emily felt Ben's hand on her elbow. She turned to him but he wasn't looking at her. He was dipping a bow to the Chancellor. "Let us say farewell for the moment my dear. It is my hope that we shall meet again very soon."
"Uh…yes," was the best Emily could mumble out, as she felt Ben tug and steer her from the room, her legs feeling like they were about to dip out from under her. She turned back, trying to think of something more diplomatic to say as a goodbye, but she couldn't get her mouth to work. Emily caught a final glimpse of Palpatine's outline, cutting a dark shape even deeper than the night sky behind him, before Ben guided her out the door.