There's a pleasant drone of TV static running through his ears when he started to recognize the feeling of carpet rubbing against his cheek. Actually, on second thought, it might just be the rain pounding against the window. Suddenly there came a rapid knocking at the door, which was very rude, in his opinion, to fully wake him from his terrible, restless sleep.

"BJ?"

Bojack groans and rolls onto his back. The room is foggy and he feels like throwing up, but he can at least recognize that he's in his office.

On the floor. And while his body ached all over , he felt acute pain in some very specific spots. Which led him to believe that he may have fallen off the couch in his sleep, and that's at least a little better than just sleeping on the floor in the first place.

Herb's voice slips under the door again. "BJ , you alright in there Hun?"

He groaned again, louder this time, hoping that the noise would be enough to make his husband go away, but Herb is far from satiated and jiggled the handle anyway.

"BJ, can you open the door please ?"

"You open it..." The horse grumbled into the dirty carpet.

"It's locked, jackass."

Despite every muscle in his body screaming at him to not move, the horse managed to drag himself to a vaguely upright position, and quickly unlocked the door before stumbling to fall back against the couch.

Herb had to push the door through a small mountain of garbage just to get into the room.

"Bojack!" He rushed to his side and fusses over him, " Jesus you look shitty. What the hell happened in here?"

Bojack barely registered his words as he glanced around the room at the mess he'd made while trying to power through his book.

"...What day is it?" He groaned.

"Wednesday." Herb took a look around the office and grimaced in disgust. "BJ, what have you been doing in here? This place is disgusting." He said kicking over a small pile of garbage.

"M' writing my book…." Bojack grumbled, rubbing at his eyes. He cleared his throat. "I was ."

Herb made a face. "I came to check on you because Princess Carolyn called and asked about some PDF you send her last night?"

He looked up at the other man hopefully, "Yeah?"

"You said it was your final draft. But she said it was just 30 pages of soup recipes, Horsin Around fanfiction about the Horse and Mr. Liberatore, and a bunch of embedded youtube links."

"... Do you know where Diane is?"

"... No. Why?"

The horse sighed heavily. "I think I owe her an apology..."

Herb frowns. "No shit." He softened a little and tried to get him to sit up more. "And hey, not that I'm not happy that your first instinct is to apologize to her. But maybe we get some real food in you, and you bathe first."

Bojack put up no resistance and nodded. "Herb?" He croaked out.

"Yeah?"

"Did you read the book? Diane's version?"

Herb hesitated. "Let's talk about that later."

"Did you?" He pressed, punctuating his question with an achingly gentle hand on the other man's knee.

Herb sighed and squeezed his hand. "Yeah, I did."

"Did you think it was good? You can be honest it's alright." He added when he saw the way he pursed his lips.

"... I did." Herb paused to gather his thoughts, "It was very... blunt, but honest. And overall I thought it was good. It's actually really good . "

Bojack's ears perked up a little, and his voice comes out light and hopeful despite the thick strain on his throat as he was recovering from his sleep. "It is?"

He shook his head slowly, "Yeah, it's very candid, and insightful." He pressed his hand against his chest, "And speaking as your husband, I think it paints a very…. genuine and personal picture of you."

"You don't think it… Does it make me look like a joke?"

Herb's eyebrows knit together. "A joke?"

"Yeah, you know, a clown! An oaf! A dickhead!" He snapped, raising his voice. "Are people gonna read this book and think that I'm just some kind of asshole who- who yells at stagehands, and guzzles vodka like a fish drinking water, and who gorges himself on boxes of apple fritters when he's depressed!"

"You haven't done stuff like that in years!" Herb said. "Well, maybe the apple fritter thing..."

Bojack tossed his hands out in front of himself in frustration, "But I still did it ! And maybe I don't want the whole world to read about every stupid thing I've ever done, every shitty thing I ever said, every terrible that ever happened to me, right there in that book!"

"Okay well, everything might be an exaggeration, Hun." Herb gingerly patted him on the back. "I get where you're coming from, but you're not that person anymore Baby."

"Aren't I? I stopped taking my meds even after you asked me not to and still didn't want to hire a ghostwriter. Then I went crazy trying to write this book all because I felt threatened by Diane. And it's not even just that!" His voice is tight and desperate."It- its that… " He trails off struggling to put his feelings into words.

A tight sensation spread through Herb's chest and he leaned closer to the horse. "BJ…?"

"Herb, is that book really how you…" He swallowed thickly, not able to ask the question for fear of the answer. "Herb am I… Am I a good person?"

Herb carefully set his hand on the horse's shoulder. "What?"

Bojack shrugged off his hand and stood from the couch and paced in the small area of the office that doesn't have piles of garbage blocking it. " Nobody is going to like me after this book comes out and everyone sees all the worst parts of me! I'm gonna go from beloved Hollywood celebrity to the ass-clown of LA . They're all gonna see the real me, and trust me, no one's gonna love that guy." He folded his arms over his chest and faces away from Herb with a huff.

The room is silent for a moment, before Herb cleared his throat rather loudly.

The realization dawns on Bojack slower than it should have. His arms fell to his sides and he turned back to Herb, embarrassed.

"Oh."

"Yeah." Herb chuckled in spite of the situation and patted the couch cushion next to him. Bojack plopped back down on it with a sigh.

"What if everybody hates it? And me ? What if Diane and Pinky are wrong and the book tanks?"

Herb gave him a sympathetic look, "I don't think that will happen. They have faith in the book and in you, and so do I. And I think that this book shows all parts of you, the good, the bad, and the 'warty'. And all those things together, make you who you are." He leaned his head on the horse's shoulder, "And hey, I for one, love the person you are."

Bojack smiled at him. "Heh, when did you become such an expert on knowing and loving me?"

"Well I've had something like 20 years of practice, give or take."

Bojack leaned down and planted a kiss on Herb's lips, wrapping an arm around the smaller man's waist as he did so.

He sighed again as they break contact. "Y'know it's probably for the best we're not gonna publish my version. Trying to write about anything before like, 1994 was giving me a tumor, I swear."

Herb cocked an eyebrow. "Is what you sent PC last night really all you ended up getting done in your version?"

"No, I think there was some more than that." He scratched at his chin as he strained to remember. "Uh there was a couple of theories about why I didn't win a People's Choice Award in 1994, like 10 pages of Secretariat fanfiction I did when I had that energy drink cocktail at like 2 am yesterday, and I think I literally copied and pasted Joey Lawrence's Wikipedia page in there to reference something but I don't remember what."

Herb gave him a strained smile, equal parts endeared by his husband's antics, and trying not to bust out laughing at how truly terrible that sounded. He cleared his throat, "I think you should apologize to Diane, BJ."

"Yeah...I know." The horse rubbed the back of his neck. "She probably won't answer me if I call her though... Should I just go to her house, or is that weird?"

Herb hummed. "Actually, I uh, think she might be at a ghost writer's convention at the NoHo theatre today."

Bojack cocked an eyebrow at the other man. "I thought you said you didn't know where she was?"

Herb chuckled as he slipped out of Bojack's embrace and stood from the couch. "Must've slipped my mind." He eyed the full glass of now dusty water on the desk. "I'm gonna go get you a glass of water and some Tylenol. Then we'll see if you can make it through a shower alright?"

Bojack reached out to grab ahold of the other man's hand before he could leave. "Hey… Thanks for taking care of me."

Herb paused and his mouth twitched into a crooked, tired smile and he leaned down to peck a kiss onto the horse's forehead, gently cupping his cheeks in his hands. Bojack closed his eyes and focused on the touch like it was the only sensation in the universe that mattered.

"Sure BJ."