Summary: Kagami meets with her girlfriend's best friend. The interaction leaves her with some idea how to approach Adrien, and she has an ally, at least, but it's not clear whether they are supposed to hate or like each other.
The next morning proved an interminable slog. It was like the hours that stretched out before a fencing match when all Kagami wanted was to do, releasing all the repressed energy and longing that seethed under the placid exterior that had earned her the moniker of "ice queen." After all, her mother demanded reserve and respect, and Kagami herself had no idea how to express the whirling maelstrom of feelings that didn't even make sense to her.
Today, they broke through the surface, oozing out the little cracks in her facade. While her instructors normally praised her for her diligence and carefully-maintained propriety, she'd twitched in her seat, gazing up at the clock continually. The distracted fidgeting drew several sharp commands to "pay attention" to her work or attend to her instructors' lessons. More than one pencil had perished at her hands when her mind had wandered to yesterday's exchange and the miserable failures that had led to Adrien and Marinette's aggressive falling out.
No doubt reports of her conduct would get back to her mother.
She should have been faster, quicker in thought, restrained herself when struck by the impulse to drag out Adrien's identity. It had felt right to be honest, but clearly she should have respected him enough to allow him to determine the best time to unveil his secrets so that they could focus on dealing with one emotionally-fraught disclosure rather than two at once.
Was that why they were angry with her?
Her mistakes shouldn't have mattered because they were in the past and could not be changed. She should have been focused on developing some kind of plan to address the current spat, but actually schooling her mind and tamping down on the energetic tangle of emotions that bubbled up, magma under ice ready to melt, bursting through in little geysers, proved impossible.
At long last, she was released and bolting for the door.
Merging with Pollen typically left her veins coursing with molten honey. The Dragon had been cool, inexorable power, a rolling thunderstorm, while the Bee was like a sugar rush.
Today, it was syrupy acid oozing through her bloodstream.
It took merely a few minutes for Mitsubachi to wend her way through Paris on her trompo after her morning classes had concluded, yet still she longed for the abilities of the Dragon miraculous. The powers of lightning or wind would have allowed her to arrive in less than half that time.
A convenient location beyond the walled area outside of Collège Françoise Dupont proved a reasonable spot to detransform.
The park itself was meant to be their meeting spot, as Kagami had made it clear to Alya. A bevy of targeted, suspicious text-messages from the reporter had gone unanswered last evening after the fencer had requested that they meet without Adrien and Marinette being aware of it. The flurry had become oppressive, forcing Kagami to shut off her phone, bereft of any meaningful answers.
An unexpected eagerness to see the other girl, a lifeline tossed to her as the frothing waves of her own emotions threatened to drag her down into a black and incomprehensible ocean, had her power walking to their agreed meeting spot further down the nearby pathway.
The area into which she entered was sparsely populated. Students, it seemed, elected to spend their lunch hours in Collège Françoise Dupont's hallways and cafeteria.
On one of the benches that came into view as Kagami rounded a corner, was Alya. The girl had slouched over, head hung above her knees, between which her backpack rested. Thick red-brown hair, curled and wild, spilled out and dangled around her head, obscuring her face.
Body language like that seemed... negative, and it had Kagami tamping down on a scowl as she approached, though she couldn't help but clench her fists. When she settled onto the bench next to Alya, the other girl jerked up to stare at her; the expression, a mingled angry and fearful snarl that sent ugly creases along the reporter's cheeks, forced Kagami to take a steadying breath.
"What the hell happened?" Alya growled while leaning into Kagami's space. It felt like an accusation, likely because it was meant to be.
Brutally blunt, addressing the matter without preamble or any niceties. Kagami resettled herself, smoothing her uniform skirt over her thighs as her eyes narrowed. At least Alya, irrational though she may have been, was forthright.
"It is somewhat difficult to explain," Kagami began. Appreciation for the simplicity of the anger directed at her allowed her to maintain her cool reserve, rather than retorting in kind.
"Well why don't you try? At least then you'd be doing something unlike the two of them!" A broad sweep of her arm indicated the direction of her school, the girl seemingly so disgusted that she couldn't even look towards it.
Minute vibrations, so very loud to her, upset the front of her shirt.
"A- are they alright?" she asked, putting a hand to her blazer's pocket to squeeze Pollen gently. The tinny buzz-saw roar was quelled by a few somewhat awkward strokes that had Alya looking at her funny, even as her hands folded together and she slumped on the bench, seemingly defeated.
"No," Alya sighed, almost to herself, before continuing in what Kagami could only assume was bewilderment. "Adrien- he switched seats. He switched seats with Nath to get away from her and it was like she didn't even mind."
The reporter looked up, and though Kagami had difficulty with Pollen's eyes, she understood that look. It was like gazing into her reflection cast in a rippling pond, upset by a light rain, twisted by waves refracting and reflecting, being cast, amplifying, and cancelling out until all that remained was the distorted general outline, but she could still see something of herself there, alien as it was.
While uncertain regarding acceptable physical boundaries, Kagami leaned in closer to the other girl, hoping she could feel the warmth as she reached out to squeeze her shoulder.
It was what she would want, and more: the feeling of another's arms around her. Words and emotions were difficult and not tangible. A full hug would be awkward and, she assumed with some apprehension, inappropriate. Was this improper as well?
"What happened?" Alya asked. There was some fervid longing in her expression, her breathing coming in slow huffs. "Whatever it is, just tell me so that I – I'll skip the next period if that's what you need, but I just need to know. I've let her down before, and ... not again, okay?"
Was that friendship?
Kagami had experienced it before: the drive and the need. It was a sense of responsibility that didn't feel as such because it was almost an instinctual longing rather than something imposed or chosen; to cradle Adrien and hate his father for him, as, despite his supposed resolve, the truth was that he really couldn't do it for himself; to throttle Lila in an alley somewhere because something that malign shouldn't be allowed to hurt Marinette.
"I will explain all that I can," Kagami assured, tamping down on the reaction that threatened to sunder her from her only ally, and petted Alya's arm with clunky fingers, not knowing how this was supposed to feel.
"Thanks." It was sincere and bitter. Alya looked up to her with a half-ugly smile that wrinkled her dusky skin with the pain of it.
"Marinette was ... keeping something from us, and when it came out, Adrien was angry because of how she had hurt us, and they both said things that they did not mean."
"Well, that's uselessly vague," Alya scoffed, wrenching away from Kagami's hold and leaving her with no idea what to do with her hand. She let it fall to her skirt, picking at the folds of fabric.
"What is with you three and your secrets? I mean, I get that you have to keep things from your mom and Adrien's dad because they're both bitches, but why can't you just be honest with each other?"
Why indeed?
"I have wondered much the same thing, but-" How much could she share? What was too much for her girlfriend's best friend? Perhaps she should just say what she felt – be honest. She sighed. "We have all been taught in our own way that there are secrets that we have to keep because to reveal them would be ... dangerous."
"Dangerous?" Alya gaped, mouthing the word as if it was from an alien language that somehow twisted up her tongue. "What- how?"
The wooden slats underneath her hands dug into Kagami's palms as she sought out something firm to offer her the assurance.
"Have you not had to keep dangerous secrets, Alya?" Kagami asked pointedly, brow raised.
A confused melange of expressions passed over Alya's face far too quickly for them to convey a definable emotion.
"I- Yeah. I guess I have," she responded after a few seconds, her suspicious gaze locked on Kagami's steady, emotionless face.
"Then please understand that there are things that I cannot share."
The reported scoffed and seemed poised to retort before clenching her hands together and muttering, "Ah, hell."
"Though I understand why she kept silent, I only wish that I had known that Marinette was struggling with the weight of that secret alone. It-it hurts that I was not able to help her."
Alya sat in judgment of her for a moment, flicking her thumb across her bottom lip, and Kagami did not care for the sensation of being analyzed and assessed – as if the other girl was testing her to see if she was ... good enough.
"And now they're just doing the same thing again – not talking, right? I thought that you guys finally figured out this communication stuff back when I had to jump in and fix things for you, and I didn't even know that you were in a relationship."
"I do appreciate your help." If she was striving to be honest, then perhaps she should be so regarding Alya as well, so Kagami turned in her seat and offered the other girl as much of a sympathetic smile as she could.
"I realize now that it cannot have been easy for you." It may not have come out right, she feared, because it only had Alya jerking backwards.
The twitching and aggressive reaction gave Kagami pause as she took in the way that Alya's already dusky features darkened further, frizzy red-brown hair mussed as she tore a hand through it.
"I am sorry," Kagami offered.
"What?" Alya asked, tone confused.
"It is good to know that there are yet more people in Marinette's life who care for her as much as I do, though I did not know." And it was. She and Adrien deserved that and more.
"Oh," Alya sighed, plucking off her glasses to rub the bridge of her nose. "Yeah, well. Not all of us have things figured out as quickly as you."
"I- I don't know what to say about this. You are Marinette's friend, and she cares for you a great deal, so I wish that I did."
"It's okay," she sighed, and leaned back on the bench. Was she actually relaxing, or was that a facade? "You're not the only one who has no idea what to say."
"So you never..." She left the question hang. There was something perverse about this exchange, this feeling, like she was gloating over a flawless victory, her opponent having tripping over her own feet under the pressure of Kagami's assault, even though she should know better because losing – weakness – was agony.
Worst still was losing a fight without even knowing that you were in one.
Alya shook her head, looking up towards the thick canopy of leaves that stretched out over the path, blotting out some of the sun. Only thin dappling streams winked in and out of existence, splattering light and darkness against her upturned face. Her glasses rested limply in her hands, folded in her lap.
"Didn't see it until it was already too late, and, uh-" Hair was smoothed away from her neck, exposing the slightly lighter flesh as she eased a hand over her shoulders, squeezing, before she shrugged. "I'm good, you know?"
"Are you certain?" Were it not for Adrien, Kagami would not likely be so.
"Yeah." She thumbed her nose, fingers cradling her jaw and palm over her mouth as the muscles around her jaw clenched and released. "I mean, Nino is a great guy and I do love him. I wouldn't give that up for anything."
As Kagami loved Adrien, she supposed.
"Adrien speaks very highly of him for his compassion and his ... jovial nature."
"That sense of humour is a real blessing a lot of the time." The glasses settled back to her face, her motions smooth and even, so it made her seem alright. "He keeps me light when I can get too focused on shit."
"She cares for you, you know?" Kagami repeated, trying to find something kind by mentally placing herself in Alya's spot but finding that it was impossible because she didn't know how the other girl thought. Even she recognized that was pathetic.
"Yeah." A huff as she gave Kagami a pointed look. "She cares for a lot of people, but she loves you and Adrien. I see that, but that doesn't mean that I care any less, so I'll work my end as best I can."
"Indeed." If Alya wanted to leave it at that and deflect, so much the better. Unlike with Marinette or Adrien, that pain was regrettable, but not something for which Kagami was responsible... even if she was. "I believe that it might be best for me to approach Adrien, as he would be less inclined to listen to you."
"Makes sense," Alya granted. As if suddenly ignoring Kagami, she began to fish about in her backpack for her cell-phone, turning it over in her hands. "But I don't even know what I'm supposed to say to her when you can't tell me what the real problem is."
"Marinette may be angry with me for my part in... adding to Adrien's stress at an inopportune moment."
"What?" Alya spat and coughed at once.
"I believe that I exacerbated the situation." And, of course, she had. Clarification was rather frustrating at the moment, and skirting this line of Marinette's secrets – the line of violating her trust again – was worse.
"No." A hand rose to dismiss the comment. "I know exactly what you said, even if you're being fricking vague again. I just can't believe that you actually mean it."
"I rarely say things that I don't mean." It suddenly seemed as if she'd been plucking at the loose threads of her skirt for too long – longer still as Alya simply stared. She fished another half-crumbled cookie from the sandwich bag in her pocket and stuffed it into her mouth.
Bland. Disgusting.
"Girl, Marinette's not mad," Alya offered, shaking her head slowly as if Kagami had just said that a Bokken was to be used as an oar. "I mean, yeah, she is, but that's not the real issue here, you know?"
"It's not?" she mumbled around her mouthful and swallowed, resisting the urge to spit out the mushy, tasteless remnants of a Dupain-Cheng cookie.
"No. She's afraid; she-" there was a pause for thought, Alya scowling, seemingly more at herself than Kagami, although the fencer could have misjudged. Had she? "She's afraid of a lot of things all the time, but if she thinks that she hurt you or Adrien, she's terrified that everything's going to collapse."
The idea incensed her for some reason, even beyond the simple fact that Marinette was hurting. "I've told her that we both love her."
"Yeah, but do you think that she believes that?"
Kagami actually had to ponder that question for a moment and it hurt in ways she didn't have the words to describe.
"I hope so," she answered slowly, the question suddenly leaving her unsure. "She knows it."
"Those are two really different things," Alya explained with an almost pitying smile. Patronizing. Like she was talking to a child.
"I know that," Kagami retorted in a tone that rang nearly petulant in her ears as she glared at the other girl, "but what I don't know is what I should do."
"What we need is to just get them talking again. If Marinette thinks she's hurt you and Adrien, then she's going to get caught up in her head, afraid that you're not going to forgive her, and won't stop beating herself up about it until she's black and blue."
"She – she did something wrong, but, with them, we make mistakes and work through them," she said. The accusation in Alya's words, one that she may simply have imagined, brought out a huff of spite that had her continuing without thought. "She should know that after what you two did during the friendship day treasure hunt."
Was she a bad person for enjoying the way that Alya tried to suppress a wince at that? Regardless, she wanted to be a better person for herself, for Adrien, and for Marinette. She should try to be.
"I don't blame her for either one," she said, looking away. "And I don't blame you any longer."
"Great." Was the growl sincere, playful, angry, something else? The fact that Kagami couldn't tell had her wilting slightly. "Tell her."
"I will reach out to her and try," Kagami affirmed, although the idea that she wouldn't have thought of it – thought that Marinette was feeling as guilty as her – had her digging her nails into her forearm, nearly drawing blood. "But surely it cannot be so easy."
"No," Alya sighed. Her fingers stroked across her brow. "Look, I'll think about it, and keep working on her, but you have to do something about Adrien. The more he pulls away, the more guilty she's going to feel, and the worse things will get."
"Adrien can be as stubborn as he is caring." At times, the persistence was adorable and flattering in its own way, when either Chat or Adrien refused to let her go without teasing a smile or blush from her. Now, it had her shaking her head in forlorn helplessness. "I'm ... not entirely certain as to how to approach him regarding this matter."
"You, Marinette, and Nino know him pretty well," Alya said, tapping her phone against her knee in some rhythm that Kagami couldn't recognize. "There must be some way to get through to him – to get him talking. I mean, he still cares. Maybe you can start talking to him about how much Marinette is hurting over this?"
"That might only make him withdraw further. He too has a tendency to self-deprecate."
"See, you know him, so what would get him talking?" The subtle lift of her brow made her seem even more eager, encouraged by the observation that really should have been obvious to anyone who professed to be Adrien's friend.
"It is difficult to say." There was a tightening in her gut at that admission because she realized that the same could be said of her – how poorly she knew him if she was this lost. "I've never seen him so angry before."
"There must be something about him that's causing that."
"His father... lies to him frequently," Kagami tried to explain. "Makes promises that he forgets. Truthfulness is important to someone who does not know where he stands."
"That's something I guess." It was noncommittal at best.
"Adrien" - and by 'Adrien' she meant 'we' - "is also afraid of being isolated."
The eager look on Alya's face, hungry for anything that could be of use, and the recollection that, yes, Adrien took so much responsibility for others' failings onto himself reminded her of his mother. It had been ... agonizing to hear that he had thought, for a very long time, that his mother had left because of him. That he deserved to be left because he'd driven her away in some way that only made sense to a panicked, socially-maladjusted child who was abandoned by both parents.
"He is afraid of being left alone more than anything else. He even told me a few days ago that he cannot stand to lose anyone else. It might be possible to reach him if we discuss Marinette in that context."
"That sounds like a good start," Alya hummed. "Maybe, together we can get them to actually behave like sensible human beings."
At that, Kagami actually laughed, the few sharp notes growing in volume as she took in Alya's pinched up look of pure confusion. It was wrong, of course, but the ridiculous memory of Adrien in one of his best moments, trying to woo both her and an equally unimpressed Marinette had struck her at that very moment. It felt good to laugh, even if it was only because of the hope, the stress, and the longing for what they had then.
"What?" the reporter asked, nose wrinkled in a way that made her look rather cute.
Kagami shook her head, biting down on the back of her forefinger, which she had pressed to her mouth to hold back the little chuckles.
"Have you ever heard Adrien's poetry?" Likely not, judging from the way that deepening confusion had Alya scraping her hands together.
"Uh- no." The reply quavered with uncertainty. "He writes poetry?"
"Oh, my, yes. It is sweet but rather... florid." Adrien's romanticism was alien to her, as were some of his more excessive attempts at flirting. Better to just tell her that she was beautiful and he loved her and she brought joy to his life. Then, while she gaped at the simple statement of truth, even though he'd said such things before, grip her by the chin and kiss her until they melted together.
If only something so easy was the answer to everything.
"The point is that neither of them is prone to being fully sensible."
"Heh- yeah. Back in the day..." she began before coming up short and Kagami had to assume that it was because she was talking about Marinette from only a few months ago. "Marinette could spend hours staring at a poster of him."
"You should see how she is with his abs."
Alya snorted, very nearly spitting over with laughter that Kagami couldn't quite understand because it fell awkwardly on her ears. She shifted in place, longing for something simple and straightforward, the direct interactions where people just said what they meant and didn't lie about everything.
"Or mine," she added while staring at the reporter's face, trying to take in the way her eyes moved under their lids, the arching crows-feet around her eyes created by her laughter that may have just been stress, the shifting hues of her skin – slightly lighter under her chin and puffing up red on her cheeks now.
There was a certain way in which Adrien quirked his jaw and eye, something behind them that she had parsed out while sparring with him verbally. Everyone had physical tells, whatever the arena, but she hadn't spent enough time with Alya to even hope to learn hers.
Was Alya like Adrien? Did she cover her sadness with laughter?
"You're actually pretty funny, you know?" Alya finally choked out, wiping at her eyes. "Great deadpan sense of humour. I see why Adrien likes you."
"He sometimes refers to me as his straight woman."
Another burst of cackles erupted from Alya, just as she was getting control of herself, and she clutched at her cell phone as if it was a lifeline.
"I think that's meant to be a joke," she offered with a slight smile. It obviously was.
"Oh my God, what a dork," Alya snorted, throwing up a hand. "What do you two see in him?"
"He is a teen supermodel," Kagami began. His visage wasn't even the most beautiful thing about him, though. That went to his heart that, however badly his father bruised it, was still able to love so gently.
Of course. She just had to remind him of that fact.
"But more than that, they both have ... wonderful hearts."
The other girl's chin fell into her hands, elbows resting her knees. A somewhat wistful smile, happy and sad at once, brimmed with ... nostalgia?
"I know," she said in a way that had Kagami gazing out towards the tree across from them, studying the varied colours of its leaves and the texture of its bark.
"The advice is appreciated, Alya," she said without looking at her.
"What are friends for?" she offered flippantly, and it was, indeed, an offer judging by the inquiring way that Alya was looking at her, caught out of the corner of Kagami's eye.
"Are we friends now?"
"Maybe we're starting to be." Alya shrugged. "Maybe we should be. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about my best friend's girlfriend, but I think that it might be worth a shot."
A friend other than Adrien and Marinette, though still part of their social circle. Was that healthy? It may have been unwise to accept when such overlap would create a conflict of interest and animosity. It did already, even at this very moment.
Perhaps Pollen, Adrien, and Marinette might be able to help her expand her social circle. Was it necessary for her to have her own friends who were connected to Adrien and Marinette only through her?
Relationships were a web of subtleties and complexities. If only they could be sundered by a few precise blows. If only things were easy.
But easy or not, she'd hack away at them until they broke down, even if she had to exchange her sword for a woodsman's axe along the way. She could do no less when it came to the people she loved.
"I think that I might like that," Kagami said at last, reaching out a hand.
"So do I." Though she responded by outreaching her own arm, her fist curled up at the last moment, reciprocating with a new invitation.
Kagami closed her hand.
They shared a tentative fist-bump
It felt... Kagami didn't know how that felt, but it was as pleasant an ending to their interaction as she could have hoped.
They parted ways with a nod and a very clear understanding that both of them, whatever might happen or not happen between them, had to do everything possible to save the girl they cared about.
"By the way," Alya offered with a genuine if struggling smile as they rose, "your girlfriend is pretty kickass."
Objectively true, but did Alya realize to what extent?
"Oh?"
"Yeah," she chuckled as she scooped up her bag and tossed it over her shoulder with a wink. "And here I thought that Ladybug was the only heroine I had a crush on."
Ah. Just as well.
And for Kagami, it was flattery of the highest order that Alya could possibly believe that Mitsubachi was 'kickass' enough to be Marinette.
Author's Notes
Only a few more chapters and an epilogue to add to this work as we tie together a few threads and Kagami realizes that she really should have a little bit more faith in the people she loves; Marinette is not the only one who mistakenly tries to take responsibility for everything on herself.
Alya's feelings here are something towards which I've tried to allude since her first apperance in this story, particularly she notes that anyone with the good sense to be in love with Marinette cannot be all that bad. Kagami may not be adept at reading people, but she is far more observant than her partners when it comes to the signs of love.