A/N: I just couldn't wait. So here you go.

The soundtrack for this chapter is JAMICA – Run Like A River and Birdy – Wings. Both of them really helped me find the emotions I needed to write this. Hope you'll give them a listen before, during or after reading. That last one is especially super important for the last part.

Thank you SO much for the love and… good luck with this.

04:23.

She hadn't expected him to be gone for this long.

It was weird, she thought, how even when faced with your own death, your body still managed to function like it was just any other day at the office. Her back hurt, she was restless, hungry and she really needed to pee.

If I can just focus on that, maybe I can forget about everything else.

If I can just focus on that for the next 4 hours and 23, 22 minutes.

And then, it'll be over.

But her bodily functions only helped her for a few minutes before her mind wandered off again.

She wondered if Amanda would cry in the funeral. She could picture her in her uniform, trying to hold it together, biting her lip and avoiding eye contact with everyone around her. Fin would be there to comfort her, but after, when she really broke down, she would find herself in Carisi's gentle arms.

It helped a little, knowing Amanda wouldn't be all alone.

For years she had wanted to tell her that if anything happened to her, she would want Amanda to take care of Noah.

She deeply regretted never having that conversation now.

But Amanda would do it anyway. Probably. Unless it was too painful.

She wondered if Cragen, Munch, Nick, Barba and Alex would show up.

Nick and Elliot in the same room. She would've kinda loved to see that. And Alex and Barba, what a powerhouse.

And they would share old stories about her and raise a glass to pay their respects.

And then she would be just another name on a tombstone.

Amanda might take the kids to visit from time to time, but after a while life would go on. And it would just be a painful reminder of something that could've been but never really was.

Maybe Amanda and Carisi would end up together after all.

But what if I survive?

The thought felt foreign and almost a little disturbing now that she had accepted her fate.

What if I survive?

I would spend every day making up for the things I said to her. I would convince her every single day that she is worthy of love and happiness. Even if we were fighting, I would never let her forget that.

The thought of maybe, just maybe, having the chance to love her again, made her pull at her restraints more powerfully than she had done before.

But her ankles wouldn't move, her hands weren't just handcuffed, they were chained to the chair, and the chair was bolted down to the floor.

When she finally gave up and the room fell silent again, she let out a single, muffled sob only for it to be stopped by the duct tape over her mouth.

I'm sorry, Amanda. I'm really, really, sorry.

"We've got something!" Kat said as she came running into the squad room.

"Some office building, he hasn't made any payments on it since 2017, but it's the only one we haven't checked out yet."

"Where is it?" Amanda said, already on her feet.

"That's the thing... It's in D.C."

"D.C.?" Amanda repeated.

"That doesn't make any sense. Why take her to D.C." Elliot said more to himself than anyone else.

"Kat, call MPDC and give them the address. Tell them to check it out. For now we're working like she's still here in New York."

"Copy that, sergeant." The young detective said while giving Fin a short nod.

"There's something we're not seeing here." Amanda said as she walked over to the whiteboard where they had written down all the events connecting Wheatley to Olivia.

"He's all about symbolism. Things that go way back. And he seems obsessed with Liv and Elliot's history."

"But not just our history." Elliot said while pointing at the crime scene photos from the murders of Serena and Joseph.

Amanda stared at the photos. Serena and Joseph. Olivia and... Simon.

"Simon." She whispered. "Simon died from an overdose two years ago. But Liv told me he'd been clean for a while. I got the feeling that his death didn't make sense to her."

"Wheatley has access to all kinds of drugs."

"Amanda, call Warner. Ask her to pull Simon's file."

The blonde was already at her desk trying to get a hold of the ME.

03:55.

She was so deep in her own thoughts that she didn't hear his footsteps from across the room, and suddenly he was standing right in front of her, smiling sympathetically.

"You look tired, Olivia." He said as he tilted his head a little. "You're probably hungry, too. I didn't mean for this to get so uncomfortable for you. But for obvious reasons I can't exactly let you go now."

He was gentle when he removed the tape, and it only stung a little. It had been better if it hurt, because she desperately needed a distraction.

"Why did you kill Kathy?"

He sat down and emptied the water bottle while looking at her.

"Like I said, I just wanted to have a little fun. Mess with you, with him. See what would happen. Couldn't let him come back without a few extra... complications."

She scoffed in response. Complications.

"How did you know about this warehouse?"

"That part was easy. A little bit of hacking. You requested a new partner and left SVU not long after, I figured that case had some deeper meaning."

He's not wrong about that.

"How are you feeling, Olivia? We're getting pretty close."

"I'm fine."

Maybe those should be the words written on my stone. "Here lies Olivia Benson. She was fine."

She almost wanted to laugh, and decided then that she was close to losing it all together.

I guess knowing you're less than four hours away from dying really takes a toll.

"Of course you are. You say that a lot, don't you? Is it because you don't want to show weakness?"

"Bad habit, I guess."

"Yeah, those are hard to get rid off. Speaking of bad habits..."

Shit.

"You've been dabbling a bit in alcoholism, haven't you?"

"No."

"You haven't? Are you sure? I mean, no one would blame you."

"I'm not like my mother."

"Sure you're not." He snickered and crossed his arms. "Not at all."

He fell silent then, and just stared at her. She quickly learned that his piercing eyes hurt more than his words.

03:28.

"Warner couldn't really help us. But she did say there had been a number of overdoses in that period due to a bad batch of heroin. No one can be connected to Simon, though."

Amanda walked over to the whiteboard and the screen again and looked over everything.

"I still feel like he has something to do with all of this." She said before biting down on a nail.

It was like she wasn't in her body anymore. She didn't know if she was tired, hungry, she couldn't feel anything, except her heart that hadn't slowed down since she had realized Olivia was gone.

It kept on pounding hard in her chest, and right now she was grateful for the uncomfortable sensation because it distracted her from the tears that constantly threatened to fall from her eyes.

"Fin, I have MPDC on the line!" Kat called from her desk.

"Put them on speaker."

Kat pressed the button and they gathered around the phone.

"This is Sergeant Tutuola with NYPD SVU."

"This is Detective Carlson. We just raided the location you sent us. We didn't find Wheatley or captain Benson, but we found something else."

"What?"

"A body."

"Do you know who it is?"

"No, but he's young. Practically a kid."

"Detective Carlson, this is detective Rollins. You need to check his throat."

"Sorry?"

"Check his throat for a piece of paper."

Maybe she was grasping at straws. Maybe she was going insane.

They heard Carlson shout the command, followed by a few long seconds of silence. Amanda held her breath.

"Found something." Yelled a voice in the background.

"What was it?" Fin asked.

"An address. Here in D.C. I'm sending cars there immediately. Call you when we know something, sergeant."

"Good thinking, Amanda." Elliot said and placed a hand on her shoulder. His heart broke a little when he felt how she was shaking violently under his touch.

02:47.

Less than three hours left to live.

"Tell me about one of your favorite memories, Olivia."

So we're reminiscing now, huh? Ok, I'll play.

"The day I adopted Noah."

"Ah, yes, you always wanted to be a mother."

She wanted to ask how he could possibly know all these things about her, but decided that with less than three hours left to live, she really didn't care.

"I was really, really happy that day."

"I bet you were. My parents told me how happy they were the day they brought me home."

"Bet they regret that now, huh?" Olivia said dryly.

"They died."

A trigger.

"Did you kill them?"

"What? No. I'm not some psycho."

She laughed then. A real, genuine laugh.

"No, of course not. I'm sorry." She chuckled. Jesus, I'm actually going mad. "You're right."

He let out a short chuckle himself and threw his arms out. "All of this was just a... necessity."

"Of course it was." Olivia nodded slowly. Like all of this actually made any sense.

"Tell me about another memory."

"Rome with Amanda a few months ago." Her laugh from before was instantly replaced with a sad smile.

"That's right, your little visit to the eternal city. Must've been romantic."

"It was."

"Lots of food? Lots of wine?"

"Mhm. Lots of sex, too." Olivia said, like she was talking to a close friend.

"Of course. That entire city is an aphrodisiac." He said, sounding a little nostalgic.

"Do you worry about her? How she will deal with all of this?"

"She'll be fine."

"Just like you're always fine?"

Something like that.

The tears were back.

And then, he left her alone again. This time he didn't place the duct tape over her mouth, and Olivia knew why.

He had seen it. Heard it. Watched it.

Olivia wasn't going to scream, because she had already given up.

02:19.

"What did you find, detective?" Fin said while leaning over the desk where the phone was put on speaker again.

"A girl."

"Dead?"

"No, alive. There was a girl reported missing two days ago. It was her."

"Was she hurt?"

"Not physically."

"Did she tell you anything about him? About what happened?"

"She's not talking yet. On her way to the hospital and from the looks of it I don't think she'll be talking anytime soon."

"Did you find anything else that can help us?"

"No, I'm sorry, sergeant."

"Ok, call us if she talks or if anything comes up."

"Copy that, sergeant."

Fin looked around the room and found confused eyes everywhere.

"What the hell is going on?"

01:51.

"Amanda Rollins, put it down, right now."

"But I don't wanna."

"I'm serious."

"No you're not. Your mouth is twitching."

And five seconds later, Olivia was on the floor squealing, with ice cream running down her shirt and down her cleavage.

"You're such a kid." She laughed and with an impressive move she tackled Amanda to the ground and straddled her.

"I win." She grinned, right before pulling off the sticky, ice cream stained T-shirt.

"Oh, no. I think I win." Amanda said with a flirtatious smile, her eyes moving from Olivia's eyes and further south. "Come here."

The memory felt surreal.

Just a few weeks ago she had felt like a goddamn teenager on that kitchen floor, covered in ice cream, and after a short make out session, covered in Amanda.

And here she was, feeling like she had aged fifty years in the last twelve hours.

Maybe that's how it feels when you're getting ready to die.

I'm almost ready now.

01:37.

Elliot looked completely lost, staring at the whiteboard in front of him. He was pale and his hands kept shaking. Amanda stopped herself from asking if he was ok when she looked down and saw that her hands were shaking, too.

"Wait." He whispered.

"What?"

"One boy dead. One girl survived."

"And?"

"Me. Olivia."

Amanda couldn't tell if he had realized something she hadn't, or if he was having a nervous breakdown.

"Gitano."

"Gitano?" Amanda echoed him, knowing she had heard that name before.

"Wheatley is all about symbolism. And he's obsessed with our history. Gitano changed everything."

Elliot turned around and looked at Fin.

"Fin! I need Gitano's file."

"Gitano? That's in some storage unit somewhere."

"Isn't everything digitalized these days?"

"Not everything, but I'll have them check."

"You know what, forget it. Amanda, bring up a map of New Jersey."

With a few clicks she had the map up on the screen. She waited impatiently while Elliot stared at it. He closed his eyes and she wanted to scream, yell at him, tell him to hurry the fuck up.

"Zoom in on Bayonne."

5 seconds. 10 seconds. 15 seconds.

"There." He said breathlessly while pointing at the screen.

"What?"

"There's a warehouse there."

"Are you sure?"

"90%."

They looked at each other for a short moment before they both started moving.

"Let's go."

"Fin! Make sure we have the right address and request backup. No one goes in until we're there. We don't know what he'll do if he sees us coming."

Just as Amanda was about to exit the squad room, Carisi grabbed her arm and spun her around. "You sure you should be going?"

"Of course I'm going. I... She didn't give up on me, and I'm not giving up on her."

01:15

He hadn't come back yet and she wondered if she had seen the last of Richard Wheatley. Her brother.

Brother.

"At least you know what you're passing on. Half my genes are drunk and the other half are violent and cruel."

"And look how great you turned out... It's not all about the genes, Liv. All you can do is love your kids."

Maybe Elliot had been right, maybe it wasn't all about the genes. But they certainly hadn't helped.

Thank god I never got pregnant.

As exhausted as she was, her eyes still widened from the shock of the thought running through her mind.

I'm done.

00:58.

Come on. Move faster. It's ok. I'm ready now.

She was tired of the memories. Tired of intrusive thoughts that didn't feel like her own. Tired of thinking of everyone she had ever loved.

With her eyes shut, she momentarily fought the images that filled her head.

But she fought in vain.

They came like flashes.

Picking up Noah from that drawer. Visiting her mother's grave. Running into Elliot's arms after Sonya was killed. Saying goodbye to Simon in the morgue. Sitting alone in Cragen's office after he retired. Tucker's funeral. Walking through the squad room after Lewis. Kissing Amanda for the first time. Watching Noah take his first steps. Watching Elliot shoot Jenna. The mud fight outside Barba's cabin. Her first one night stand with Cassidy, and their last night together. Seeing Amanda wake up from her coma. Waking up to Billie's laugh. Getting promoted to sergeant. And lieutenant. And captain. Sex with Amanda in the shower. Beating Lewis nearly to death. Holding chief Dodds when he realized his son was dying. Seeing Elliot again. Shaking hands with Amanda for the first time.

00:08

I guess this is it.

She ignored the sounds coming from somewhere far away, because surely this was it. The end.

She ignored the sounds of loud voices, because anything else than death was impossible at this point.

"Liv! Oh, god. Liv!"

What?

"Liv, I'm here. I'm here. Do you hear me?"

"Amanda." Did I just say that out loud?

"Yes. Yes. I'm here."

00:06.

"You can't be here. You have to leave."

Amanda looked at the timer and somehow her exhausted brain managed to connect the dots.

"Let's save that fight for later."

"No, you don't understand. It's gonna go off. Go!"

Amanda suddenly cupped her cheeks. "I am NOT leaving you!" She more or less yelled before she kissed her.

With hurried steps the blonde walked behind Olivia and studied the chains and the handcuffs for a few seconds.

"Do you trust me?"

"What?"

"OLIVIA, Do you trust me?"

"Yes! Yes! I trust you."

"Ok. Good. Stop shaking."

00:04.

How can I?

"I said STOP SHAKING!"

Ok, ok, ok.

"Pull your arms out, your hands apart as far as they'll go. Now!"

She didn't think, she just did. The last thing she heard before the gunshot was Amanda's cracked voice. "I love you."

Suddenly her arms were free and they fell down on her sides.

So heavy.

And then Amanda was on her knees, cutting the rope that tied her ankles to the chair.

Free.

00:02.

"Run!"

But I was supposed to die. I wasn't supposed to survive this.

"I said RUN!"

Strong hands dragged her forward and then her legs moved. She didn't look back, but she was pretty sure a piece of her got left behind in that room.

She could see the exit now. So close.

But something distracted her. Two bodies. From the corner of her eye she could've sworn she saw two bodies on the floor.

"Liv! You can't stop!"

She didn't have time to think anymore because suddenly Amanda's arm was pulling her so hard that her entire body was thrown out the door.

And then, everything went dark.

A/N: Ok, I'm officially exhausted.