Eight hours passed and after the dust settled, Ritsuko briefed the team on what their next move would be. Asuka and Rei despite being knocked out during the battle had escaped with no significant wounds but both were drained both physically and mentally. After the worst of the damage had been stabilised or repaired within the command centre, it had been found that forty Nerv Staff had lost their lives in the battle, the debris from the angels attack being their cause of death. however many of the staff noted, if it wasn't for Shinji many more lives would have been lost.
The staff were waiting for their orders in Eva unit 01s holding room. The Evas armour had been stripped back to reveal a battle-scarred monster, covered in bandages, with deep green eyes that pierced into the soul of all who looked upon it. Misato was sitting at a desk, her head resting on her hands as she had her elbows on the desk, her mind filled with uncomfortable thoughts, which she wished to keep to herself.
"So how are we going to get the baka out?" Asuka grumbled, tiredness both physical and mental removed much of the ferocity that she usually had.
"I... don't know." Ritsuko sighed, rubbing her eyes
Well, that's great! We got our asses kicked, our Evas were torn to shreds and Shinji's stuck in his Eva. This has to be the worst day of my life!" Asuka bellowed, pointing to herself and Eva. Unit 01. forcing all her energy into her voice to show her anger
"That's enough Asuka! Masura barked with surpassing fury catching the teenager by surprise causing her to quieten down. he had seen where her arrogance had gotten her in the battle and he was not in the mood to let her behaviour slide.
"We have all been through a lot and we cannot sit around and argue with one another. More importantly, we have to work together to get Shinji out of Eva unit 01 and we cannot do that if we are at each others throats." Ritsuko stated resulting in a large portion of the staff nodding in agreement.
"If we are okay with this, then I believe we need to split into two groups. Group A will be deal with restoring power to the command centre, which will be managed by Captain Masurua Tanaka. Group 2 will be lead by myself and we will be tasked with trying to find a method to bring Shinji back. Is that understood?" Ritsuko proclaimed, authoritatively pointing to Masura who stood at her side, hands behind his back as he stood stock-still, with perfect posture befitting a man of his calibre
YES MAAM!" the staff yelled.
Once this was agreed upon, Ritsuko split the reaming Nerv staff in half and sent them on their way. once this was done Ritsuko, walked over to her friend who had been silent throughout the meeting. Asuka and Rei were standing beside Misato. They had not been allocated roles so they were waiting for their commands.
"Could you two give me a moment with Misato?" Rirusko asked, looking to Rei and Asuka
"Yes, Ritsuko." Rei bowed
"Alright. Just don't take too long." Asuka grumbled quietly
Rei and Asuka walked away, out of earshot
"Misato...Misato." Ritsuko stated, only for Misato to not respond, so Ritsuko respond with a light nudge
"Yes...Rits, what is it?" Misato mumbled. As if she broke from a trance
"I have allocated the staff to their roles"
"I see..." Misato mumbled starting to zone out again.
"And I think it would be best for you to head home."
"What! I cant! I'm the commander, I can't leave my post!" Misato yelped
"I understand Misato, but I don't think it would be the best for you..."Ritsuko placed her hand supportively on her friend, who looked away and set her gaze onto the desk
Ritsuko leaned down and whispered in her friend's ear.
"I can see that you're not in the right frame of mind to be leading the staff, given what has happened. I understand that it would be soul-destroying to trying and manage such a difficult situation, as such I think you should get away for a day or two, to give you time to think."
"I...I can't do that. It's my job to lead them and if I don't do this then I'm failing to do my job because I'm weak..." Misato whimpered,
"You're not weak. Your human. You and I both know how important Shinji is to you and it wouldn't be right to not give you time to clear your head... I promise you, we will get Shinji back." Ritsuko confidently stated, causing Misato to turn and looked her in the eyes, causing Ritsuko to pause for a second. Misato's eyes were dull, almost dead with none of the light and life that was usually there.
There was a pregnant silence as Misato mulled over what Ritsuko said.
"Alright...ill take some time to rest and if anything happens, let me know," Misato grumbled, only for her voice to turn deadly serious as she spoke to her long time friend.
"I will." Risuko nodded.
"Thank you," Misato whispered as she hugged Ritusko, she held on tight and for as long as she could. Trying to keep the tears in her eyes from cascading.
Ritsuko then turned her attention to Rei and Asuka. Waving them over
"Now girls, I think you would both benefit from a break, while you both got away with minor injuries, a battle like that is both physically and mentally draining. Rei I know your accommodations are in the danger zone so I will try and find you a temporary accommodation here at the base..."
"She can stay over at mine." Misato proclaimed raising her hand ever so slightly into the air, her voice wasn't as energetic as it usually was but she still knew how to project.
"Are you okay with doing this Misato?" Ritsukomasked, she knew Misato wasn't doing well as such asking such a question was necessary.
"Yes and Asuka doesn't mind, isn't that right," Misato stated turning to focus her lifeless eyes on Asuka who huffed and nodded
"it wouldn't be right to let Rei stay here by herself, not after everything she has been through today." Misato thought
"Okay, Rei you will be staying with Captain Katsuragi. Until we can assure your apartment is safe is that okay with you?
"Yes ma'am. Thank you Misato," Rei nodded then turned her gaze to Misato and bowed.
"Alright girls, let's head home," Misato stated as she slowly walked to her car, with Asuka and Rei following behind her.
Forty minutes later
They arrived at the car and got in with little heated debate over who sat where. And as soon as they were moving things were different. Misato rather than going over the speed limit as she usually did, moved at a snail's pace, well below the speed limit despite the roads being relatively clear from debris, the journey was silent, no jokes, no arguments no music, just silence, broken only by the sighs of boredom that came from Asuka. But the journey wasn't peacefully silent for Misato, as her mind was in conflict, battle replayed in her mind, as her charge, her friend, her love disappeared with no warning. and as these thoughts played through her head an old demon decided to resurface
"You failed him."
"You promised to protect him."
"He had been through so much and now he's gone..."
"Because you didn't care for him enough.
"That's no true! I loved, Shinji...
"You loved Shinji? So you think he's gone don't you?" the voice fired back
"No, I..."
"Don't fool yourself Misato, deep down you know he's never coming back, and it's because you failed to protect him."
"No, no, no!"
"You'll be back to your old self in no time Misato, trust me, I know you all too well" the voice purred.
"Shut up!..." Misato yell was broken by a sudden jolt, bringing her out of her own mind.
"Misato! Jesus what's the matter with you?! you almost crashed into that massive slab of concrete!" Asuka bellowed grabbing the wheel to turn the car out of the way, breaking Misato out of her trance like state.
"What the hell are you doing!" Misato screamed, hitting the breaks and swiping Asuka's hands away from the wheel, hitting her hard enough to leave a red mark on her arm.
"I was saving our lives, you crazy bastard! Mein God! Next time I'm leaving it to fate, and we can all die together." Asuka screamed back only to slump back into her seat and look out the window, refusing to look at Misato.
"Asuka was trying to stop us from crashing into a piece of rubble that came from an apartment building," Rei stated, pointing to the rubble, which still contained fragments of a window.
I'm such a bitch, why did I do that!" Misato screamed in her head.'
"Asuka, I'm sorry for..." Misato turned to apologise but Asuka refused to look at her
"Shut up, and go home. I can't be bothered talking anymore with you" Asuka hissed, keeping her gaze focused on the car side window.
The journey went on in silence.
Half an hour later the group arrived at Misato apartment and once inside they found that the power had been cut from the elevator so they had to take the stairs, much to Asuka's dismay. They arrived at the apartment floor and once Misato opened her apartment door, Asuka barged past her and stormed into her room slamming the door shut.
"Alright..."Misato huffed rubbing her eyes only to feel her stomach growl
"Are you hungry Rei?" Misato asked
"Yes," Rei stated coldly.
"Well, I'll have a look and see what we have" Misato walked towards the kitchen. Once she was in the kitchen she searched the cupboards only to find that other than a pack of curry and four instant pot noodles, there was nothing left.
"Damn it, I was meant to get the shopping in today." Misato groaned rubbing her temples
"How do you feel about having curry and pot noodles!" Misato bellowed from the kitchen to Rei, trying to hide how annoyed she was.
Two hours later and a failed attempt at making curry, Misato managed to make instant noodles for both her and Rei, leaving a pot for Asuka if she was hungry, but she knew the redhead wouldn't eat it. In fact, she felt sick eating it, it tasted bland and did not look appealing, especially when compared to the vast number of dishes Shinji had made for her.
After they had eaten Rei asked where she would be sleeping and Misato gave her room to the young girl, taking a few pillows so that she could sleep on the couch.
"Thank you, Misato...if I may, would it be okay for me to head to bed?" Rei asked, giving Misato a chance to see that behind Reis blank expression, there was sadness behind her eyes, which even her cold appearance could not hide.
"Sure, go right ahead, ill see you when you wake up."
"Thank you" Rei bowed then made her way to Misato's room before lying on the bed and sighed.
"I can sense something isn't right with Misato...she seems, despondent. " Rei closed her eyes and tried to sleep. But the thoughts of the battle and the loss of Shinji resulted in a shallow sleep at best.
While Rei tried to sleep, Misato sat on the couch, PenPen at her side watching as she flicked through the channels, trying to keep her mind busy, but the voice came back.
"Come on, there has to be something..." Misato grumbled as the channels flicked past
" trying to keep me away Misato?" the voice whispered softly
"Shut up..." Misato growled
"Come on now, you know this isn't the way to keep the pain away." the voice stated in a seductive tone,
I won't do it...I can't do it." Misato mumbled, placing her head in her hands, PenPen watched as he saw his owner in distress.
"I know you want to drink your sorrows away I can feel you craving it... I helped you lose your pain once..." the voice stated calmly and confidently, trying to seduce Misato.
"You caused me pain!, you treated me like shit Kaji! Why won't you leave me alone!" Misato screamed in her head, as the voice grew ever more frustrated
"I won't leave because you are mine! you know you belong to me! you know it would take one drink and you would be mine again because I am a part of you! Shinji meant nothing to you because you let him disappear, and I am here to get you back.
"I can't do that!" Misato screamed, out of nowhere, scaring PenPen who scurried away to hide in his room.
"Come on Misato, a drink will take the pain away...do it" Kajis voice echoed in her head, causing her to rush towards the fridge and with great force she swung the door open, the door crashing against the frame of the fridge. Inside the fridge there was only one item left, it had been there for many months. A fifteen pack of Yebisu beer, its golden colour shining in the white light of the fridge, like treasure that had been hidden in a tomb for many centuries being seen in the light of day
Misato slowly reached her hand in and pulled the beer from the fridge.
I shouldn't be doing this. I promised myself that I wouldn't drink because I wanted to care for Shinji..." Misato dropped to her knees, the pack still in her hands.
"But Shinji isn't here! He's gone, and that is on you! The pain you feel is of your own creation...and you know you can get rid of that pain with one sip." Kajis voice yelled in fury only to turn to a manipulative whisper, as he did so Misato realised a can from its holdings and cracked the seal of the can, the sound and the smell causing a shiver to run down Misatos spine.
But...
But nothing! Your promise means nothing for a boy who is no longer here. Drink and you will be free from pain and be who you always were...my Misato." these words rang in Misato's head, her hands trembling as she raised the can closer to her lips.
"Without Shinji, I'm nothing..." Misato mumbled as she took a sip, the distinctive taste flooding her mind and her senses, bringing back many memories some good, some bad, but the pain she felt in her heart, faded as she drank.
Five hours later.
"How could I have been so stupid?" Asuka thought as she lay on her bed her hair a mess, covering her face with her hands.
She had not changed from the clothes she had worn that day and her attempts to sleep had been broken by the thoughts of the battle. Her ruthless assault and her less than respectable defeat at the hands of the angel, leaving her unable to sleep.
"I should have been careful...but I have to prove to everyone that I am the best, but now I'm nothing but a failure...if it wasn't for Shinji I would be dead." Asuka mumbled, turning on her bed to face the alarm clock, it was 4:30 am, and yet despite how tired her eyes felt her mind refused to sleep, and as she lay there in silence, a noise though quiet was unmistaken. It was different from the banging and shouting she had ignored as she tried to sleep.
"Is Misato crying?"
Hey everyone, I just wanted to show my idea as to this section in case anyone wanted to know my thought process.
Misato as seen in the show as well as in my fanfic is a damaged character. We see she drinks both for pleasure and to numb her to the mental pain she has. Also given how important Shinji is to Misato, both in the show and especially here, losing him would be a great burden, more so here as Misato, she has both motherly and romantic feelings towards him. on top of this Kaji in this fanfic has left her with an emotional scar that hasn't gone away but has been managed by having Shinji in her life and by changing her lifestyle. By losing Shinji her scar has now reopened at a time when she is at her weakest emotionally and mentally changing how she acts, thinks and responds to events, as such like many people who suffered loss, they turn to ways to lose the pain in an attempt to return to some form of normality, but this only makes the pain worse.
I hope everyone enjoys and I will do my best to get the next chapter up as soon as possible.
Keep safe. :)