Chapter 29
Though the majority of the party was arranged to everyone's satisfaction, it came to pass that the one very unsatisfied party dictated an early end to the pleasant afternoon. Miss Bingley reminded Jane of her recent convalescence; she was so concerned. She seemed to remember Elizabeth had recently professed a desire to review her correspondence, hadn't she been expecting to hear from a particular friend? Elizabeth barely had time to be surprised at Miss Bingley having heard anything she had said the previous day before that lady was telling Mr. Darcy that they should return soon or he would not be able to exercise Zeus, who had in fact been confined for two straight days had he not?
It was very neatly done and those who most wanted to object were left with no real objections. In victory Miss Bingley was quite gracious, paying her compliments on the hospitality of Longbourn, wishing Jane a swift recovery and once again expressing her desire for many more visits between the houses. Short ones, Elizabeth amended in her mind . . . and possibly without the gentlemen of Netherfield.
The remainder of the day was spent as Miss Bingley directed. Jane resting, Elizabeth at her letters and Mr. Darcy riding. Perhaps she had not thought that last one through as she did not see the gentleman until dinner. However, she made the most of it. As she always did.
"How pleasant it is to have one's house to one's self again," she declared as soon as they had all seated themselves around the table.
"While I will not deny that I greatly enjoy the present company," Bingley answered, "I confess I miss our guests. They added much to the conversation."
This was not how Miss Bingley intended the dinner discussion to proceed and so she promptly took it back in hand canvassing topics sure to please the one guest she hoped most to impress and the one guest whose mind was most fully three miles away.
Mr. Darcy tried very hard to participate in the dinner repartee as much as he ever did. Which thankfully was not a high bar. However, reflecting on it later that evening he admitted to himself that he may have even failed at this. Had he only Miss Bingley's disappointed looks he would not be able to tell for certain, she often looked disappointed in his presence as he was rarely able to muster the enthusiasm she desired for . . . almost anything. No, it was the fact that he had almost no recollection of anything discussed at all that told him he had been a poor guest. Mr. Darcy prided himself on displaying proper etiquette at all times in all things and so this realization bothered him a great deal. Though, truth be told, not as much as his inability, despite considering it all through dinner, to come to any decisions regarding one Elizabeth Bennet.
Long since having admitted to himself that he now considered her the most handsome, amiable and intelligent woman of his acquaintance Darcy had only recently begun to realize that these considerations were not factual calculations, but conclusions very much connected to his affection for her. Affection he had not intended to feel. Affection he could now not remember not feeling. When had he begun to fall in love with Elizabeth Bennet and was he now too far down that path to turn back? Because the logical side of him acknowledged that despite her manifest charms and admirable qualities she was not the lady, not the kind of lady, he had been raised to marry, he had always expected to marry. With these thoughts came others. Before Elizabeth, he had often thought of marriage. As the master of a large estate this was unavoidable. However, he had never pictured a wife precisely. He imagined children who would carry on his name, a mistress, faceless and silent, who would run his home and a reprieve from the incessant demands on him to do his duty. When he thought of Elizabeth he did think of children, but their continuing the Darcy-line played no part in this fantasy. No, he pictured a dark-haired girl, eyes sparkling with mischief or a son holding his mother's hand as she shows him her favorite pathways around Pemberley. One of the first things that drew him to Elizabeth was her competence as mistress of her home, her knowledge regarding estate matters and her concern and compassion for the people of Longbourn. But when he imagined her as mistress, and he did, it was not tenant visits and staffing decisions he pictured, but her making his house a home again, having someone to consult on anything and everything, hosting balls again – balls? It was here he questioned his sanity. It was the idea of duty that still brought him up short. Ever before thinking of marriage was thinking of duty. By marrying Elizabeth would he not in fact be shirking that duty in some ways? Duty he had been raised to shoulder, to embrace as his birthright. Duty that he had accepted fully since that awful fall morning more than six years ago. When he imagined marrying Elizabeth Bennet duty didn't enter into it at all. Not simply because he feared he was not fulfilling his, but because marrying her was a desire, a want, almost a need He had never experienced those feelings with regard to matrimony before. No closer to a resolution Darcy courted sleep by as the hours moved forward, he was as successful at this as he had been at attempting to find peace and clarity with regard to one Miss Elizabeth Bennet.
Monday at Longbourn saw the family returning, for the most part, to their routines. Elizabeth rode out early to inspect some fencing and so that she could be on hand to take delivery of a new threshing machine. Jane, though almost fully recovered, spent the day quietly at home and was entertained by her family and several visitors from the neighborhood. Mary was from home in the afternoon, as was her custom on Mondays. Each Bennet sister took a day of the week to volunteer at the school. They taught as they were needed, as they were able. It being harvest season Mr. Bates held classes early in the morning and late in the afternoon so that the children who were needed in the fields could attend and did not fall behind. Lydia had lessons in the morning and Kitty, as she often did, joined her youngest sister as their governess, who had been with them since she was ten, was a particular favorite of hers. Mr. Collins chose to remain at home, ostensibly, to assist and learn from Mr. Bennet regarding estate matters, but as that gentleman stayed in his study alone most of the day Mr. Collins was content to read in the drawing room and accept the company of his lovely cousins as they came and went about their business. Mr. Bennet checked in on each of his daughters over the course of the day ending with Elizabeth whom he met with in their study to review some accounting matters and so that she could exclaim over the threshing machine to the one person in the family who might listen with any measure of enthusiasm.
Though she had attended to some correspondence the previous day, Miss Bingley had been prescient in her concern over Elizabeth's letters, Elizabeth had not sent the note she had been contemplating since her conversation with Mr. Darcy at Netherfield. This she did on Monday morning before setting off for the fields. Her uncle replied promptly and by that afternoon it was established that the two would meet at his office the following day at two o'clock.
Tuesday morning the family decided they desired some variation in their activity and a trip to Meryton was decided upon. Everyone agreed to join except Kitty who was engaged at the school that morning and Elizabeth who asked to be excused. Though she may have implied that she had some tasks to attend to that prevented her from joining her family she never outright said so. This distinction allowed her to feel only a small amount of guilt when she set off a half an hour after they left. Her path was one of her favorites. One that she had named for Mr. Darcy the previous day. It was not long after she had turned down the trail that would take her alongside a brook that she noticed a figure coming toward her on the opposite side.
"Mr. Darcy." She did not hide the smile his presence caused.
"Miss Elizabeth," Neither did he.