Hey there, it has been quite some time, hasn't it? It feels as if the timespan between every chapter gets longer and longer, which is probably a good indicator to bring this story to a conclusion. But you can rest assured that I will only do that without sacrificing too much.
Chapter 29
None of this makes any Sense!
"I don't recognize those stars." Dan mumbled as he looked up into the sky. "And you say that you don't have any clue where we are?"
"Yup." Stukov confirmed as they walked through the dense jungle. "I mean, sure, the nav-computer spat out some coordinates, but they made no sense to me whatsoever. We could be right next to Char, or on the other side of Aiur. Who knows?"
"Well, we certainly aren't anywhere near the core worlds. That's for sure." Dan whispered before he looked over his shoulder. "I take it you don't know where we are, do you?"
The only answer he received from Captain Shani Okoi was a withering glare.
"I think she likes me." Stukov whispered as he leaned over to Dan.
"I think you're delusional." Dan whispered right back at him.
"If you continue to whisper like that while staring at me, I'm going to kill you." Okoi snarled. Dan could still see that she was in pain.
"Not with your psionics you're not." he scoffed, which caused her blue eyes to flash up brightly, only for her to grit her teeth and grab her head. "Perhaps you should find someone to check this out. Seems a bit odd for a psionic to have a migraine every time they use their powers."
"Oh, and you are an expert on psionics?" Okoi shot back. "I'm so glad, I finally found the one person who can help me with my condition, and all I had to do was getting rescued by a space hobo-"
"I think she's talking about you." Stukov told Dan.
"...and a brutish pig!" Okoi finished. When Stukov heard that, he grimaced.
"Okay, I take it back, I'm the space hobo, you can take the brutish pig."
"Shut up!" Dan and Okoi yelled at the same time. They looked at each other and frowned.
"Does he ever do that?" Okoi wanted to know.
"So far I haven't found the off-switch. You're welcome to try to find it though. If you do find that switch, do me one favor...keep it switched off." Dan explained.
"You two are mean. I'm just trying to lighten the mood! Kids these days. Pah!" Alexei said exaggeratedly and turned away and moved on. "Back in my day, people had at least the decency to respect a superior officer! Except for Narud. That bastard had it coming!" Dan could see the puzzled look on Okoi's face. He knew what that meant; she was about to ask what Alexei was talking about. But he just shook his head and signaled her to drop it. She wouldn't believe a single word anyway. And right now, he was content knowing that she thought he was a pig. If Stukov would actually tell her his life's story, then she would undoubtedly think that they were insane as well. Okoi seemed to get Dan's drift and looked away.
"You seem like a reasonable man." she suddenly said to Jerome Allagan, who had joined them only reluctantly. Walking through an alien jungle was certainly the last thing he wanted to do. This wasn't the desert of Flemmington after all.
"What?" he wondered as Okoi stared at him. Her words were sweet, but her eyes threw daggers at him.
"This is your chance. Just tell me how these two dragged you into this, and I swear that I will let you go. How does that sound?" Okoi cooed, but the expression on her face was one of cold rage.
"Don't listen to her." Dan barked. "She won't believe you anyway." Okoi turned towards the Marshal and was about to say something when another roar somewhere in the jungle reminded them that they weren't alone, had no guns and a useless psionic.
"We better get going." Stukov mused. "I don't want to figure out what is making those sounds. The Hyperion shouldn't be that far away. If anything, then we should be safe there from getting eaten by the local predators."
"Not again, you mean." Dan growled. "I still remember the last time that happened to me."
"Oh, boho! Little man is angry because that big bad Zerg-virus made his innards try to eat him." Stukov laughed. "If I need to remind you, I was stuck like this for over one thousand years!" The moment Dan heard those words, he looked at Okoi, who stared at both him and Stukov as if she had finally found the proof that they were both insane.
"See..." Dan growled. "...I told you to shut up. Bah, let's get to that battlecruiser before I decide to find out whatever is making those roars and jump down its throat."
The good thing was that a battlecruiser was too big to miss. Even though the sky was currently shielded by a lush screen of trees and leaves, they still knew which way they had to go. They had walked for what felt like several miles by now. Jerome had urged them to use the dropship to fly closer to the Hyperion to spare them a walk through an alien jungle. However, in a rare display of unity Dan, Alexei and even Okoi had told him that this was a bad idea. No one knew how the Hyperion had ended up here, or if Kerrigan was still on board. And which Kerrigan that was. So right now, stealth was their only advantage they had.
That, and Shani Okoi had actually tried to commandeer the dropship and leave the others behind on this world, only to find out that most of its systems had been fried. According to Stukov, the reason for that were all the missiles and drones that had tried to kill them back in the orbit of Augustgrad. According to Dan, Okoi and Jerome the reason for that was Alexei Stukov.
As they marched through the jungle, Dan was upfront. Mostly because he wanted to be as far away from the others as possible, but also, he knew that every step brought him closer to the Hyperion. And to Kerrigan. Paula Kerrigan. Hopefully. He still didn't really know what he would tell her. Except that she was a menace that needed to be stopped and who was in the habit of ruining other people's lives.
Still, Dan had to think about what Sirella had told him back on Augusgtrad.
"Tell her...thanks."
Those had been Sirella's final words. Dan didn't know much about Protoss. He couldn't tell if their concept of gratefulness was in any shape or form comparable to that of humans. And he knew that he had only spent a couple of days with Sirella, who seemed to be rather meek and shy for her kind. But what did he know? Still, it seemed odd that someone, anyone would thank Paula Kerrigan for anything. And even still call her a friend after all this time, after everything she had done to Sirella.
So far Dan had only met two Protoss in his entire life. One had been Sirella, a meek and shy young woman (even though she had been almost double his size) ...and Tesson, a person who enjoyed beating up people way too much. If those two were any indicator of what it meant to be Protoss, then Dan would be happy to never meet another one of their kind again.
Naturally, such thoughts would only mean to tempt the universe into proving him wrong.
They made good speed. Or at least they would have. If not for Jerome Allagan.
"Can we...can we...take a break?" he panted. Dan, Alexei and Shani all stopped and looked at him. Somewhere in the jungle, something roared again.
"You hear this?" Dan asked.
"Y-yes?"
"Good. If we take a break, then chances grow that we will find out what produces those roars. And honestly, I don't want to do that." They noticed the pained and desperate expression on Jerome's face. He was, after all, the only civilian out here.
"Can we...at least slow down...a bit?" Jerome begged. "My sides...hurt so much."
"Being used as a chew-toy hurts even more." Dan growled. "Trust me, I speak from experience." It was that moment when Shani Okoi could no longer hide her frustrations.
"You guys are a bunch of walking and talking jokes. I can't believe that I ended up here because of you." she mumbled. The look on her face was a mixture of anger, disbelief and embarrassment.
"Yeah, well, you're probably right about that." Dan shot back. "I mean, this guy over there somehow managed to overpower you!" He pointed his finger at Stukov. "I'd say that this isn't exactly a sign of you being overly competent."
"What did you say-" Shani hissed and her eyes began to glow, but she almost immediately grabbed her head and whined in pain.
"Oh, don't treat the good Captain too harshly, my young friend!" Alexei suddenly intervened.
"I'm not your friend. Stop calling me your friend." Dan told him.
"The lovely Shani Okoi is many things! Beautiful! Strong! And courageous!" Stukov continued.
"Stop using my name." Okoi spat out.
"But there was no way for her to have any chance against my cunning and my experience! Oh, hey, speaking of which...I never told you how I managed to escape, did I?"
"Because no one asked." Jerome said. Even though he was scared by his own shadow, he too was annoyed by Stukov's antics.
"Oh, you want to know how I achieved this feat?" Stukov cooed.
"No!" all three of them replied at the same time.
"Well, why didn't you say so!" the most-annoying man in the history of mankind replied. It was at this exact moment when Dan came to the conclusion that there was perhaps one person in this universe that was even more annoying than Paula Kerrigan. "So, let me tell you this epic story! It all started when the man I trusted, the man I dared to call my friend left me behind in the clutches of the evil yet beautiful Captain Shani Okoi..."
Yet another flashback...
To wait and not be able to do anything was probably the worst thing that Dan could think of right now. Except, well, getting infested. That would be even worse. The memory of what had happened to him a while back still caused him to wake up screaming from time to time. Still sitting inside the interrogation room, he suddenly pulled his shirt up and looked at his own belly, searching for any signs of infestation. When nothing moved beneath his skin-
"Maybe we should ask for a mirror, that way you could admire yourself even better." Alexei chuckled as he watched how Dan stared at his own body
"Put a sock in it." the Marshal shot back. "I don't need a lecture from the guy who gave me space-STD."
"Space-STD?" Alexei Stukov chuckled. "I don't think anyone has ever called it like that before."
"If that is true, then this past you keep babbling about sure as hell was one boring place." Dan growled before pulling his shirt back down and look up at the camera that was supposed to record everything that was going on inside the room. If it would work. Right now, it was pointing straight downwards and seemed to be completely inoperative. The fact that it had turned into a breeding ground for spiders told Dan that this thing was truly out of commission.
"So, what do we tell them once that pretty lady returns?" Alexei wanted to know.
"We aren't going to tell her anything." Dan replied. "I'm gonna tell her that I barely know you and that I took pity on a washed-up hobo who didn't know where to go after losing his old ship. And the best thing about this story; it ain't even a lie."
"I can't see how that story will help us get out of this place, honestly." the other man mused.
"It won't. But hopefully, it will get me out of this place."
"You would leave your good old pal Alexei behind?!" Stukov gasped shocked. But his reaction was so over-the-top that Dan had his doubts wherever he was actually shocked or just making fun of the Marshal. In case you haven't realized it until now...
...Dan Bowski didn't like it if people made fun of him.
"You are not good, and you are not my pal. The only thing you are is old." Dan admitted.
"That's hurtful. After everything I told you about me! I shared my entire life's story with you and-"
"I wish you hadn't."
"This is how you repay me? By throwing me to the sharks?"
"What's a shark?"
"Nevermind." Alexei sighed. "You do realize that I can just pull something out of my butt and pretend that we know each other. That pretty little lady-bug sure seemed to be eager to put you in your place."
"The Captain..." Dan corrected Alexei. "...was probably a lot more repulsed by you and your pitiful attempt to get in her pants. Which was rather pathetic."
"It's only stupid if it doesn't work. So far she hasn't shot me down." Alexei replied with a smug grin on his face, which earned him an annoyed sigh from Bowski.
"Weren't you married? Is that how a married man is supposed to act?" the Marshal barked. "Your wife may be dead, but come on, man! Show some dignity!" He had hoped that those words would sufficiently hurt Alexei to shut up. Suddenly Dan had to think about what Paula had told him. How he liked to keep people at arm's length. However, instead of being angry...
"So you listened to my stories!" an ecstatic Stukov cheered. "And here I thought you were not paying attention!" Before this unlikely duo could continue their bickering, the door was opened again and none other than Captain Okoi entered. She didn't pay attention to either one of those two, not until she sat down opposite to them and pulled out a datapad.
"Marshal Dan Bowski." she began, a thoughtful frown on your face. "You check out. Got words from your folk on Flexingom-"
"Flemmington." Dan corrected her.
"Whatever. The magistrate seemed to be especially pleased to hear where you are. Told us that next time you take off to another world, it would be nice to hand her your application for leave first. She sounded quite mad too, something about being "ghastly disappointed". I like her already."
"I'm sure you do." the Marshal mumbled.
"Anyway, that's none of our business. Not filing your vacation properly is no crime. So no death penalty for you. Flying in an unregistered space-craft into controlled space however..." Okoi explained and stared straight at Dan, her blue eyes glowing with psionic energies. It was both scary and intoxicating. Dan felt how an icy chill ran down her spine.
Uh oh...
"...should be a crime, but much to my own surprise it isn't." the Captain sighed, which earned her a surprise glance from both Dan and Alexei.
"Seriously?!" both men wondered at the same time.
"Seriously." Okoi confirmed. "Had to check it myself. Flying an unregistered spacecraft is not a crime, it's only an offense. Who knew? I guess it's because there are plenty of rich kids on Korhal who love to take an unsanctioned space-drive with daddy's or mommy's private yacht." she mused. "That means that we can't hold you here, Marshal Bowski. You are, and it pains me to say that, free to go." There was a long moment of silence before Dan realized what that meant.
"You mean...as in right now?"
"I can add "caused mental harm to an officer" to the charges if you keep annoying me." Shani Okoi replied. "That should be enough to lock you up for good."
"No thanks, I'm done pushing my luck for one day." Dan mumbled, stood up and walked towards the door. Alexei was about to follow suit, but a mere glance from Okoi was enough to make him rethink that.
"Not me?" Alexei asked.
"Not you."
"Too bad!" Dan declared as he opened the door. "I almost started to like you, Alexei."
"Really?" Stukov asked in disbelief.
"No." And with that, Dan left the washed-up pirate behind.
There was a long and awkward moment of silence, and both Alexei and Captain Okoi stared at the door that Dan had closed behind him.
"You two seem to be really tight." Okoi mused.
"Oh yeah, we are, like, best pals. Went to hell together. The shit we went through, you wouldn't believe it!" Alexei replied.
"You're probably right."
"I can tell you though."
"Please don't."
"It's a great story, everyone I told it was blown away by it!"
"I don't want to hear it."
"After that you wish that you'd been there to see it for yourself!"
"I said that I don't want to hear it!" Okoi snarled.
"You only say that because of this dour place. Now, isn't there a mess hall in here? One where we could have a coffee and I can tell you about all what I've been up to in the last couple of...centuries?" Alexei asked in a suggestive, inappropriate and pathetically desperate way.
"I'm not getting paid enough for this shit." Shani Okoi simply growled as she stood up and walked out of the room, not without smashing the door close behind her. There was another moment of silence and then...
"Yeah, she totally digs me."
Once Alexei was alone, he looked around and waited for something to happen. Unfortunately, nothing did happen. And so he hummed a tune, looked at the ceiling, wondered if the good Captain liked flowers (he was certain of that), and where he would get some flowers from right now. His delusions were cut short when he heard someone approaching. Heavy footsteps made the ground vibrate. Alexei had to admit that he was reminded of a Protoss warrior charging at him for a second. However, when the door was opened it wasn't a Protoss who looked at him but a soldier wearing a pretty beefy suit of armor. It wasn't quite as big as the CMC armor the soldiers back in his day had used but it still looked like the kind of stuff that you wouldn't wear inside a building.
"You're the trespasser?" the soldier asked.
"If I say no, will you let me go?" Alexei asked back.
"Probably not. Come on, pal, we're here to get you to your cell." Behind the man another soldier appeared. Stukov sighed and got back on his feet.
"Very well, take me to my cell, oh humble warriors!" The two soldiers made room for him to get outside and positioned themselves behind and next to him. One of the soldiers was actually holding a stun-baton in his armored hand. "That won't be necessary, I promise I will behave." Alexei sighed.
"It's not our call, buddy." the soldier right next to him mused. "The Captain told us to not hesitate using violence should you try anything stupid."
"That sounds a bit excessive, wouldn't you agree? I can't imagine why such a beautiful creature like the good Captain would say something like that." Alexei wondered.
"She also said that we should zap you if you say anything creepy about her. Isn't that right, Bob?" the soldier asked his comrade who was walking behind him, the stun-baton pointed right at Stukov's rear end.
"A-yup." Bob confirmed.
"Now, why would anyone order something like that? Has chivalry gone extinct while I was gone?" Alexei mused. He didn't receive any answer though. And thus, he simply decided to go where he was told to.
"Where are we going to anyway?" he asked exactly two seconds later.
"Captain told us to throw you in a cell. You will be transferred to Augustgrad with the next rotation of troops coming in." the man walking next to him said.
"And when will that be?"
"Bob, when's our shift over?"
"Two." Bob scoffed. He didn't seem to be a man of many words. There was something unnerving on how he played with his stun-baton though. It almost seemed as if this guy wanted to try it out. On something. Or someone.
"Two? Two what?" Alexei asked and looked over his shoulder.
"Two." was Bob's only answer to that.
"Two weeks." the first soldier then said.
"Oh, that sounds like a reasonable...wait, you're gonna throw me into a cell for two weeks?!"
"Don't worry." the first nameless soldier grunted. "It's not an actual cell."
"It isn't?"
"Naaa, it's actually a storage room with a cot in it."
"Does this room come with a toilet?" Alexei wanted to know.
"A bucket." Bob answered that question. "Don't worry, you get a new bucket every two days. We are not savages."
"No..." Alexei whispered. "...you are highly civilized people that have evolved into a truly advanced civilization. Maybe I should have waited another 1000 years before Kerrigan pulled my butt out of that hole..."
"What did you say?" the first soldier wanted to know.
"Nothin'!"
It was Bob who placed his hand on Alexei's shoulder as they stepped out of the building.
"This way." the second soldier growled. They led him through the base towards a group of small buildings. It had been some time, but Alexei recognized storage facilities if he saw them. It's funny, even one thousand years after his time, some things still looked the same way as they had back in his days. On the one hand, it was nice to know that some things still remained the same. On the other hand, Alexei couldn't fully hide his disappointment. No hyper-advanced civilization of humans had conquered the galaxy, and humanity hadn't evolved into some form of godlike entities.
Well, except for one person. Or rather two persons.
Somehow, he had his doubts that a Kerrigan would swoop in to save his sorry behind from this sad situation.
As they walked past the landing pad, Alexei stopped and pointed his finger at the dropship that was still standing there.
"Hey, what about my ride? Are you going to put a parking boot on it?" he wanted to know. That's when he saw how a certain someone walked down the extended walkway. And even from all that distance, Alexei recognized the figure walking out of the dropship. He raised his arm and waved like crazy.
"Hey! Captain! Oi, Captain Okoi, over here!" He noticed how the Captain threw a quick glance at him, shuddered, and then turned away, pretending that she hadn't seen him. Alexei grinned and looked at his guards. "She totally digs me."
"Yeah, she sure does." Bob growled. "Move." He reinforced his words by pushing the stun-baton into Alexei's back, without actually shocking the other man.
"You certainly have to work on your hospitality." Alexei mused.
"You may write a note to the base commander. I'm sure she will take heart once she reads about your heartbreaking plight that you have suffered so far." the first soldier snickered.
"I might do that." Alexei replied. "Can you give me a pen and a paper so I write it down?" he said as they approached a building that appeared to be his home for the time being.
"Sorry, no can do." the first soldier told him. "Prisoners shouldn't have anything that could be used as a weapon. No pens. Oh, and you'll have to hand over your belt once we're there. Hope those pants are a tight fit."
"Ffffffine." an annoyed Stukov growled. "Can I have a datapad then?"
"Sorry, no can do again. Prisoners aren't allowed to have any electronic devices with them." Number One told hummed and opened the door to the repurposed storage building.
"Don't I get, I don't know, any rights as a prisoner?" Alexei wanted to know as he stepped inside. Number One pointed at his belt, and Alexei sighed as he took it off and handed it to the soldier.
"Here's one." Bob said and grabbed a nearby bucket before throwing it past Alexei into the room behind him. And then they closed the door behind him.
"Welcome to the future I guess..." Alexei Stukov sighed.
"Nobody knows...the trouble I've seen." Alexei sang as he sat on the cot that was supposed to be his bed. "Nobody knows...my sorrow." It had been hours since anyone had checked on him since Bob and his friend had thrown him into this pit of a prison. Seriously, they could at least have cleaned this place. Everything was covered with dust. And not just a tiny bit. No, it was so much that he didn't dare to take a deep breath. Aside from the cot (and a bucket), there was only a pile of crates on the other side of the room. Someone had thrown a tarp over them, and Alexei hadn't bothered to check what was inside those crates because he didn't want to throw up even more dust. The ventilation in this room was also pretty pathetic, and the air was stale.
All in all: This place sucked.
"Hey, Kerrigan. Sarah. If you hear me: Could you lend an old friend a helping hand?" he spoke out loud even though he was pretty certain that she would not just magically appear and save his sorry butt. "You know, I don't want to sound ungrateful or anything..." he continued. "...but I did work for you. And as far as I can remember, I never actually betrayed you. So yeah, how about it? For old times' sake?"
No divine intervention appeared.
"Go figure." Alexei growled. "I know a being that has transcended time and space, and what good does it to me? Nothin'." And so he decided to pursue his newest hobby: Stare at the ceiling and imagine what things he could do if he was a free man.
"Nobody knows...the trouble I've seen...nobody knows my sorrow..."
Time moved on and Alexei wondered if someone had ever bothered to put some paint on that ceiling. Staring at raw concrete was certainly among the most boring things he had ever done. It wasn't torture but it wasn't far away from it either. And he should know, Alexei Stukov knew exactly what torture felt like.
Someone would come and check on him. They had to. This was the future; people were supposed to be highly advanced!
But judging from his time with Dan Bowski, Alexei had to assume that people were still people. Kinda disappointing if you think about it. One thousand years and not many changes to the sauce. Sad. Truly sad. It made these people more relatable though. Alexei wondered what fate had in store for him from now on. He couldn't just send in his CV to a company. Still, the idea brought a smile to his face. Training at the academy to become an officer, four years. Serving as a midshipman on board a cruiser, three more years. His time as an executive officer on board of another warship, two years. His own first command, a run-down destroyer, three-and-a-half years...
...being dead, a couple of months.
Being used as an infested guinea pig, two years.
Being an independent space-pirate, forty years.
Horribly mutating to the point that he was losing himself in pain and misery, roughly one thousand years.
Yeah, people totally look for someone with such qualifications. Maybe he should follow Dan's example and chase after Kerrigan, the original one, and make her write a letter of recommendation. That thought brought a smile to his face. Ha! A letter of recommendation of the Queen of Blades herself. It raised another question...do Zerg have insignia? Or a flag?
But even though his thoughts were circling around this hilarious scenery, Alexei didn't actually want to find Sarah Kerrigan and/or offer his services to her anymore. No thanks. He didn't hate her but their shared past had been a fleeting moment in an ocean of bad memories. Besides, he knew that she was a couple of weight classes above his level.
That, and he just wasn't into redheads.
Maybe he-
"Huh? Oh, finally!" Alexei groaned when someone unlocked the door and stepped into the room. "About time! That bucket is getting dangerously full, pal!" The person that entered the makeshift prison wasn't a soldier. The man looked like a technician. They exchanged surprised looks until the man spoke up.
"Who are you?" he wanted to know. "And what are you doing here?"
"Name's Stukov." Alexei told him. "And what does it look like I'm doing here? Your boss locked me up in here, that's what I'm doing here." The technician sighed and walked over to the tarp thrown over the crates.
"Uh, that again." the man sighed. "Boy, I really wish someone would finally allow us to build a proper holding cell."
"This happens often?" Alexei wanted to know as he watched how the man pulled the tarp to the side. "Hey, would you not do that? I don't need any more dust in the air!"
"Yeah, yeah, quit'yer'whining. I just need to grab some of these..." the man growled and opened up one of the crates...
...and pulled a grenade out.
"What..." Stukov whispered as he saw the explosive device. Someone had stored THAT in the makeshift prison?
"...the hell is this doing in here?" the other man finished the sentence and looked at Stukov. "Did you put these in here?"
"Do I look like I put grenades inside my very own prison?!" Alexei shot back.
"Hmpf...I guess not. You do not look smart enough for that."
"HEY!"
The man then ignored Alexei and put the grenade back into the crate before putting it away. The way he did, however, made Alexei feel highly uncomfortable. The man grabbed the crate and simply dropped it next to the others. He then opened the next crate and looked inside.
"More explosives? Jeezus, what the hell?" He then closed the crate and threw it through the room as if there weren't any explosives inside.
"Uhm...are you sure that this is the right way to handle explosives?" Alexei wanted to know, sweat running down his forehead.
"Dunno, I'm just the cock. The only exploding thing I'm qualified for is explosive diarrhea."
"That is disgusting." Stukov whispered.
"Ah, there it is!" the other man sighed when he opened the next crate. What he pulled out was...it was...it...
"Is that a... potato?" he asked.
"What's a potato?" the cook asked him and Alexei blinked a few times when he heard that question.
"Wait, you're a cook and you don't know what a potato is?" Sadly, Alexei didn't know anything about the tragedy of the year 3041, when scientists had found out that potatoes could be infected by certain strains of the Zerg hyper evolutionary virus. The following twenty years were now known to mankind in the Koprulu Sector as the "Great Potato Scourge", until people had totally forgotten about it.
"I don't know what a potato is, but this is a quishquash." the cook told him before frowning. "Wait, where are you from anyway, pal? Did you live under a rock? Everybody knows what a quishquash is. Even kids!"
"Wait, wait, wait!" Dan interrupted Alexei, who was still eager to tell his story. Far too eager.
"You're telling me that you don't know what a quishquash is?" When Alexei heard that, he stopped and turned around.
"Excuse me, one thousand-year-old man coming through!" he protested. "The way I see it, you should be more ashamed for not knowing what a potato is!"
"Everybody knows what a quishquash is." Dan sneered. "Right, Prof?" He looked at Jerome.
"Ugh, my mother used to make them. I hated it." Jerome sighed. A few meters away Shani Okoi sighed when she heard that.
"My dad makes this really good stew with quishquash. Gosh, I miss that."
"Okay, OKAY! I get it! You're making fun of an old man! Very funny, haha, now back to the real issue." Alexei growled.
"Is this where you tell us that you used those explosives that were stored inside the cell to break free? If so: Please don't. This story is already far too stupid for me to believe even a single word. No one would be so utterly stupid to leave grenades and explosives inside a goddamn holding cell. Right, Captain?" Dan sighed and looked at Okoi, who remained silent. "Okoi?"
"We better get a move on..." the Captain suddenly muttered and walked past the three men. "I don't want to find out what's making these roars." And as she walked past Dan, he noticed the embarrassed look on her face.
"Huh..." the Marshal wondered. "Guess I gave the members of the armed forces more credit that they deserve. What's their slogan again? Always professional? So you blew your way to freedom. Great..."
"What?" Alexei laughed. "Oh no! I didn't use violence to break free!"
"Then how did-" But Dan then bit on his tongue. He didn't want to know. Unfortunately, that was all Alexei needed to continue with his story.
"Haha! Let me tell you! We are about to get to the good stuff of this story!"
Please don't..." Dan, Okoi and Jerome sighed at the same time.
Alexei tried to keep his cool as he watched how the cook looked at the strange fruit, called quishquash, which sounded totally ridiculous and stupid and couldn't be an actual thing.
"Eh, that one will do. Hopefully." the cook growled and grabbed a few of those fruits and left, but not before giving Alexei a stern warning. "Whatever you do, don't use those things!"
"What, the explosives?" Alexei wondered.
"What? No, I don't care about that stuff. You can blow yourself to kingdom come for all I care, but don't you dare to eat one of those fruits."
"Why? How is eating a fruit worse than blowing yourself up?" Alexei asked, immediately regretting that question.
"Because you will explode as well, only slower, and a lot smellier. And, unlike with real explosives, someone will then have to clean the mess up. Think of the children, man! Think of the children! Oh, and by the way: You should empty that bucket. If you still think that you want to take a walk on the wild side, this thing won't be enough." And as the cook left the makeshift cell and ordered the guard outside to close it once more. Only this time Alexei was left behind with crates full of explosives, crates and cardboard boxes full of fruits with an idiotic name that apparently could also lead to explosions, and a bucket full of things that we are not talking about.
Yet as Alexei stared at all the ingredients he had at his disposal, a wicked idea formed inside his mind...
Bob and the other soldier, who was going by the name of Kyle, were not particularly happy with guard-duty. But they were also not unhappy. If it meant that they could slack off without an officer breathing down their neck, then that was a price they were more than willing to pay. Perhaps Bob was still a bit grumpy because he hadn't been able to use his stun-baton on the prisoner.
He really liked to use his stun-baton on things.
Especially now that the Captain had ordered him to NOT carry his gun unless she gave him permission to do so.
To be fair: After that incident with his gun and a shipment full of quishquash...who could blame her?
The south hangar was still contaminated!
"Well, look at that..." Kyle mumbled when he pulled his communicator out.
"What?" Bob wanted to know. Actually, he didn't want to know what his comrade was thinking or doing, but right now he was so bored that he was desperate enough to ask nonetheless.
"Paft Dunk have announced their split."
"Who?"
"Paft Dunk...you know, that band made out of robots." Kyle explained. Bob, who had no idea about what his comrade was talking about, only shrugged his shoulders. "You know them!" Kyrle insisted. "They're those two who pretend to be humans that pretend to be robots."
"Sounds like they pretend at least one time too much." Bob mumbled. "Never heard of them."
"I'm sure you have. They made that one song, you know, where everyone walks in circles? It goes "World's around, World's around-" Kyle imitated the sound of a broken synthesizer, yet all Bob did was to pull a brow up. But Kyle wasn't about to give up that easily. "Fine, then there was that other song, it was-"
"Uuuuuuuugh..." A sudden pained groan interrupted Kyle and both soldiers looked at the door to the makeshift cell.
"Anyway..." Kyle then continued. "They did that other album, Exploration. You know, where every song had its own animated video and combined, they made up for an entire movie."
"Animated video?" Bob asked mildly interested as he played with his stun-baton. "Oh, you mean like child movies? Na, I don't watch those things ever since I started dating girls."
"They're not child movies!" Kyle protested. "They're-"
"Ooooooohnnn..." Another pained groan came out of the cell and the two soldiers threw glances at the door before Kyle shook his head once more.
"Animation doesn't mean it's only for children! Have you ever seen-"
"Eeeeeeeeeeehhh..." And yet another pained groan interrupted the soldier, who sighed and walked over to the door.
"Hey! Would you tone it down a bit? We are having a conversation over here!" Kyle shouted. "So unless you have something to add that could add my cause, I strongly suggest you keep your pie-hole shut!" All he received as an answer was another pained groan.
"Sounds like something's wrong." Bob mused, even though he sounded as if he didn't care one bit about the prisoner's well-being.
"Oooouuuuughhh..."
"Maybe we should check on him?" Kyle asked.
"Orders were to stay guard, not check on him." Bob replied. Another pained groan could be heard.
"Yeah, but if he's dead, then the Captain will be angry at us...angrier at us."
"I can't imagine who that is even possible." Bob whispered.
"Ooooooouuhnnnnn...it hurts..." the prisoner groaned. "I... I don't feel so good..."
"See? That sounds as if we should check on him." Kyle said.
"Then go check on him. I'll wait here." Bob told him.
"Yeah, but you got the stun-baton. Can I have it if I go inside?"
"No. That's my stun-baton. There are many stun-batons, but this one is special because it is mine."
"I... I am in...some serious pain over here..." the prisoner interrupted them. "I think...I need medical attention...I ate one of those fruits...and now...now the bucket is full..." When Bob heard that, he gagged.
"Well, now I definitely won't go in there." Bob growled.
"The pain...it's too much...I need a doctor..." the prisoner whined. Kyle sighed when he realized that his comrade wasn't about to do anything about it.
"Fine...hey, you, I'm coming in, but only if you answer one question first:" Kyle said. "...do you think animation is only for kids? And do you know Paft Dunk?"
"Those are...two questions..." the prisoner replied before producing a ridiculously overblown gurgle to the mix as if he was about to die by being liquefied. "Ghaaarghaaaartheeeeeeee..." Kyle unlocked the door and looked at his comrade once more.
"Are you sure you want to stay out? I mean, you can't use your stun-baton on him if you're not near him." When Bob heard that, he opened his mouth and was about to reply something before he looked at his stun-baton and frowned.
"You got me there, I guess. Fine." Bob sighed and joined his comrade. They opened the door and stepped inside. "Alright, pal, what's the problem? You got a bucket, that's more than we got during basic training and OH MY GOD, WHAT IS THIS SMELL?!"
"Oh, this is just wrong!"
"Dude! It's all over the floor!"
"Oh no, look! The ceiling too!"
"How in the hell...?" Both men were shocked. Far too shocked. No one had ever prepared them for what they were looking at.
"You think...you think what I think?" Kyle whispered, pale as a sheet.
"You can't be serious." Bob replied. "No one in their right mind would eat a quishquash that isn't ripe yet..."
"But look at it!" Kyle whined.
"I don't want to look at it, dammit!" Bob shot back.
"It's everywhere! Everywhere, man!"
Neither one of them noticed a cardboard box that was suspiciously close to the door, And Bob and Kyle were still too shocked to notice how the box started to move. There was clearly someone beneath that box. Someone who used probably the oldest and lamest trick in the bock to sneak out of the makeshift cell.
"Let me stop you right there..." Dan said.
"What?" Alexei shot back. "I'm not done yet!"
"Yeah, I was afraid you were saying that." the Marshal growled. "Listen, even if I were to believe that someone would be so stupid to place a prisoner inside a room full of EXPLOSIVES-"
"She can vouch for it! It happened! I bet she even ordered it!" Alexei replied and pointed her finger at Shani Okoi, he refused to even look at him.
"-or that someone would be so utterly idiotic as to eat a quishquash that wasn't ripe..." Dan continued. "...but never, ever, NEVER EVER would someone be able to sneak out of a prison cell by hiding inside a GODDAMN CARDBOARD-BOX!" Dan's raged screams were met with yet another roar from some creature inside the jungle. And it sounded as if this thing was getting closer...
"I think we should all lower our voices..." Jerome Allagan whispered, even though no one was paying attention to him.
"Hiding inside a cardboard box is a tried and tested method!" Alexei replied. "Legendary heroes of Earth have used this method of escaping dangerous situations many times. I bet you could even hide from a hydralisk that way, though I have never actually tried it myself and-"
"Are you ever going to shut up?!" Dan interrupted him.
"I'm not done with my story yet!" Alexei replied, a hurt tone in his voice. "I just wanted to tell you how I managed to escape, since you so desperately wanted to know how I managed to pull that off and-"
"I NEVER ASKED FOR ANY OF THAT!" Dan yelled. "NO ONE CARES! NO ONE CARES THAT YOU'RE ONE THOUSAND YEARS OLD! NO ONE CARES THAT YOU ONCE WERE ZERG! NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR STUPID WAR STORIES!"
…
…
…
Everyone stared at Dan, who was huffing and puffing as he tried to regain his composure, with mixed expressions on their faces. Alexei seemed hurt...or at least attempted to pretend that he was hurt.
"Oh, you wound me, good Sir! Wound me so much. And here I thought we were best friends and you would take it upon yourself to introduce me into this strange new world that I have awoken to and-" Stukov moaned.
"Just shut your pie-hole already." Dan snarled.
"Uhm...guys?" Allagan muttered as he looked to the side.
"One thousand years old? Once a Zerg?" Shani sneered and shook her head. "If you think that you two are funny, then let me tell you: You are not." No one looked at Jerome, who stared in shock at something right behind them. His face went pale and he began to stutter, fear in his eyes.
"G-guys...?"
"Ohohoho, look who's talking!" Alexei turned towards Shani. "You know, you acting all high and mighty certainly doesn't help us in this situation either! For a Captain, and forgive me if I say that, you suck." That seemed to strike a nerve because for a moment it seemed as if Shani Okoi would throw herself at Alexei and claw his eyes out.
"Oh, is that so?" she spat out. "And what would you know about being a captain, huh?"
"A great deal more than you, lady!" Alexei chuckled. "It's hard to believe, but I once was actually a vice-admiral!"
"G-guys, I think you...you should turn around!" Jerome whispered, still staring at something standing right behind the three.
"You're right! I find it hard to believe!" Okoi barked at Alexei. "And while I hate this guy-" She pointed her finger at Dan, who muttered "The feeling is mutual..." and rubbed his eyeballs. "...he does have a point: You can't shut up. And no one wants to listen to all the empty bullshit you're spouting."
"Ohohoho!" Alexei chuckled. "Bullshit it is, hmm? Well, I can understand why you want me to be quiet. If I would tell them how I managed to steal that dropship AND caught you on the-" Before he could finish that sentence, Shani's blue eyes flared up as raw psionic energies flowed through her body.
"Don't you dare to finish that sentence!" she hissed. But before they could continue with their shouting contest, a new voice suddenly spoke up.
"Oh no, by all means, continue...this is highly amusing." Everyone froze, except for Jerome, who made a step away from the other three, only to suddenly touch a wall with his back. A warm wall. A wall that felt like thick leather...
"I told you..." Jerome whimpered while Dan, Alexei and Shani stared at the giant creature standing right in front of them.
"Gosh, I forgot how big these guys can get." Alexei mumbled.
"Hey there, big guy." Dan awkwardly raised his hand and tried to smile. Shani Okoi, however, looked visibly shaken. It was almost as if she had never seen one of these creatures from up close.
"Y-you...you are...are...a Protoss..." she whispered. The Protoss, easily twice their size, looked down and blinked a few times before saying what was probably the most Protoss-thing to say in such a moment.
"Indeed." And then the huge creature looked at the other Protoss who was standing right behind Jerome. "Inform the Grand Preserver. Tell her we found the trespassers."
"As you wish, brother." the other Protoss stated and suddenly turned invisible, something that nearly spooked the living hell out of Jerome Allagan. The warrior that remained behind simply turned around and walked away.
"Follow me." he simply told them.
"That's...that's a Protoss..." Shani whispered, still visibly shaken. "A real Protoss..."
"Meh, have you seen one..." Alexei sighed and decided to follow the huge warrior. Dan seemed unhappy, but he too followed the warrior.
"And I thought this Tesson was a big guy." the Marshal mumbled. When Jerome saw that the two men were following the Protoss, he didn't want to be left behind and simply ran after them. It was Shani who remained behind, dumbfounded and confused.
"H-hey...HEY!" she yelled until the Protoss stopped and looked over his shoulder.
"Yelling will attract unwanted attention, human. These jungles are home to some dangerous animals. Lower your voice." he told her.
"Whe-where are you taking us? What is this place? Where are we anyway, dammit?" Shani demanded to know. The Protoss frowned and looked at her, then at the three men.
"You do not know where you are?" he asked.
"Nope." Dan admitted.
"Can't say we do." Alexei agreed. "I just pressed a bunch of random buttons and here we are." For a moment the Protoss remained silent. It seemed as if he wondered wherever he should tell them their current location. And then...
"This is the world of Zhakul." the warrior explained. "It is the home of the Grand Preserver. Come on. She is waiting for you at the temple. You can join your companions there."
"Companions?" Shani asked, oblivious to what that meant. But Alexei and Dan knew. They looked at each other, and in a rare moment of understanding and agreement, they spoke/hissed the same name at the same time.
"Kerrigan..."