"You seem accustomed to seeing this young woman escape death?" An old, creaky voice brought Obi-Wan out of his thoughts. It had been several hours since their insane escape from the arena. They had used the chains of the fallen mykal to climb over the towering walls, only narrowly avoiding the same faith as the Nexu, having passed a little too close for comfort to the Mandalorian Fire. In all honesty, Obi-Wan wasn't particularly certain how they had managed the escape, all the while carrying an injured duchess and avoiding the Donari's vigilant watch. He was almost certain he had heard their feral scream echo through the dark forest at one point. However, they had already traveled out of shooting range by the time the Donari had learnt of their absence.
True to his word, Lie Ren had led them away from the Doanri's camp, to a piece of forest a decent distance away. A number of rope ladders and bridges had indicated they had arrived at the Miraluka settlement. A small collection of blindfolded individuals had greeted them at their destination, the points of spears coming deathly close to turning them into pincushions. But, unlike with the Donari, where Obi-Wan had sensed only animosity and antipathy, from the Miraluka he sensed their hostility had been built on a foundation of fear, after having been hunted through the decades by Mandalorians.
However, they quickly lowered their weapons when they noticed the ill state of Satine, who had been cradled within his arms. They had practically fallen over themselves when the villagers recognised Lie Ren. Apparently, apart from being a captured scout, he had failed to inform the pair that he was one of the sons of the village elder, Enoch Ren. This was the same man that was calmly walking into the makeshift infirmary Satine had been placed in after being treated. The small group seemed to reside in huts nestled amongst the leaves and branches of the giant trees. However, a few sturdier shelters had been burrowed into the thick bark, mostly to protect the people and stores from the storms that sometimes ravaged the forest.
It was in one of these shelters that Satine now slept. The walls were carved into the smooth wood, layers of bark, centuries old, between the inside and the outside making a natural layer of insulation. They warded off the cold that threatened to creep in with the night outside.
Obi-Wan looked wearily at the Miraluka. Enoch was an ancient man, with maps of wrinkles across his dark skin. He walked with a slight limp, his back hunched as he used a beautifully whittled walking stick to make careful progress towards the Padawan. Minus the green skin and long ears, Enoch reminded Obi-Wan much of Master Yoda, he gave off the same wise ripples within the Force. Like the rest of the Miraluka, a thick piece of dark green material covered his eyes and yet Obi-Wan doubted his sight was impaired in any way.
"I'm sorry to say that this is not the first time Satine has almost died since being placed under my protection." The Padawan solemnly admitted as he looked down at the sleeping woman. Before the Miraluka had even learnt of Lie Ren's rescue, a female called Jem'ah had separated from the main crowd and had begun treating Satine. Like Lie Ren and many of the Miraluka, Obi-Wan could sense the women's connection to the Force, though it was significantly weaker then most of the Jedi he'd encountered. However, it seemed to suffice and, accompanied by a bizarre elixir Obi-Wan had carefully watched the woman make from dried herbs and berries, Satine collapsed into a silent slumber. However, despite his worried protests, the Miraluka had assured him she would be fine, this was simply a sign that her body was healing. However, given the state of her wounds, it would take some time.
"Although most of the physical injuries may heal and vanish, I cannot do anything for the scars that cross her mind." Jem'ah had soberly warned Obi-Wan as she had wrapped the sleeping woman in additional furs, it seemed one of the other side effects of the medication was loss of body heat. "Those will need more than time to heal… maybe even a different form of cure."
Since then, Jem'ah had returned to the hut numerous times, each time persistently insisting she check on Obi-Wan's own injuries but he had turned her down each time. His injuries were trivial compared to what the duchess had acquired and this pain would act as penance for his actions.
"I fear, if you had not been present to protect her, she would have been embraced by Death long before this point." Enoch continued, stopping a short distance away from the pair. Not for the first time, Obi-Wan wondered if the Miraluka had adapted to a different form of sight, one rooted more deeply in the Force than in the physical plane.
Silence was Obi-Wan's response as he looked down at Satine's face, the only part of her visible amongst the multi-coloured pelts and furs the Miraluka had generously lent them. Her face was a sickly pale colour compared to their vibrant colours and patterns but, at least, she seemed to be at peace in her dreams, whatever they may be. He shifted uncomfortably in the silence, remembering, once again, what he had done back at the Donari's prison. He couldn't understand what had happened to him, what had come over him to act as he had. Deep down, he sensed he knew the answer but wished to live in ignorance a little longer.
"You must not torment yourself with events of the past." Enoch's calm voice caused Obi-Wan to wearily look up at the man again. He would have questioned how the man knew of his thoughts, but the Miraluka were proving to be far more in-tune with the Force then he had anticipated.
"I almost killed her." Obi-Wan blatantly stated. Finally voicing his sin caused his guilt to swell up within him. "But back with the Donari... When I saw what they had done to her… what they planned to do to her… it felt like something broke inside me. I should have feared that power and yet I craved more." The Padawan sighed, fearing his next statement. "That was the Dark Side, wasn't it?"
The old man took his time to answer the youth, allowing the anxiety to grow within Obi-Wan, mixing unpleasantly with the guilt. If it hadn't been so long since he'd last drunk or eaten anything, he feared he would have expelled the contents of his stomach there and then.
"Concepts of Dark and Light, they act as dogmas within your Order and the Sith." Enoch finally answered, carefully kneeling on the ground beside Satine, across from Obi-Wan. The old man carefully placed his walking stick to his side before resting his palms on his knees. "My people believe that the Anima… the Force as you call it, is simply that. It has no side to which one may sway, it simply exists in us all.'
"But surely that can't be right!" Obi-Wan politely protested, not wanting to offend his host. "The feel of the Dark side… its pull… it's almost suffocating." Obi-Wan faltered, recounting his own recent encounter.
"Tell me, young man, is it the 'Dark Side' that seduces individuals into performing unspeakable deeds? or is it the one who wields the Force that creates darkness? " Enoch countered wisely. The more the man spoke, the more he reminded him of Master Yoda, just imagining the conversations the two could have caused Obi-Wan's head to ache.
"I-I'm sorry." Obi-Wan stammered, shaking his head in confusion. "I do not understand…"
Enoch mulled over his thoughts, the creases in his already wrinkled brow deepening as he tried to think of a better way to explain his message.
"Think of the force as a knife, it can be used to kill, correct? However, just as it can be used to take a life, it can be used to save one. The knife itself does not change, but its role is altered according to he who wields it and his intentions." Enoch paused again, his sightless face causing Obi-Wan to shiver internally, as if he could see deeper into the Padawan then he would have liked. "When you saw your friend tormented, you felt anger, did you not? Not only for those that had injured her but towards yourself who could not help her?" Continued Enoch. "Is it so evil to want to protect those we care about?"
"But that power… it felt so evil… so suffocating... As if, once caught, it would drag me away from the me that I am." Obi-Wan sighed, shaking his head, the events of the last day catching up to him, exhaustion washing over him. "This is why the Jedi Order discourages any form of attachments."
"Ah, but if we live devoid of attachments, would life be worth living?" Enoch shook his head. "Someday you will find a child, one born to the Force, and destined to bring balance. However your Order will cut him away and, without his ties and bonds you will create a monster the likes of which the galaxy has never seen."
The Miraluka's words caused a chill to spread across his body. The first part of the man's words echoed ominously with those master Qui-Gon often told Obi-Wan, when he spoke of a prophecy about one who would bring balance to the Force but that second part was new and it did not sit well with the Padawan.
"When you say 'you', do you mean the Jedi? Or me personally?" Obi-Wan quietly asked, more to fill the uncomfortable silence then learn the truth.
"The folds of time are beyond my sight." The man chuckled lightly, as if the idea amused him.
"Yeah, because that would just be nonsense." Obi-Wan sighed, shaking his head, prophecies and such philosophies were beyond him, a world of black and white was far simpler to understand.
"But, what I'm trying to say is, don't lock yourself away from the Force, don't fear it to the point that you can't help those who need your help, or to help those you care about." Enoch finished, nodding his head and, with loudly creaking joints, he reached for his staff and pushed on his legs, one after the other, to stand. "Why not learn to use the Force to heal rather than just wound?"
With those parting words, Enoch waddled out of the hut, leaving Obi-Wan to mull over his words.
To use the Force to heal… Obi-Wan had to admit to himself this was not actually the first time he had heard of such a skill. In fact, there was a whole branch of study dedicated to the healing arts back at the temple. Although Obi-Wan had never doubted that such skills were invaluable however, being a youth that always dreamed of traveling the stars and performing heroic deeds, he'd never felt the appeal. Not until, that is, he'd seen the person he cared for injured beyond his physical ability, and waiting at death's door.
Why not learn to use the Force to heal rather than just wound?
Enoch's words continued to echo within the young Padawan's mind. Was he even capable of saving a life in such a way? After all the malevolence he had created in the name of peace, was he even capable of such a healing power?
Do or do not. There is no try.
A different echoe this time. It had been many years since he'd last heard Master Yoda's teachings but, in that moment, the ancient's master's voice sounded unavoidably loud, as if Obi-Wan were once again a youngling, seated in the Jedi temple, wide eyed and awestruck by the Force the small alien spoke of.
"No time like the present." Obi-Wan muttered to himself, adjusting his posture to better support his weight as he leaned over the sleeping woman. With cautious, almost hesitant hands, he placed one hand on Satine's forehead. He almost recoiled at her touch, she was so cold.
Do or do not.
The Padawan took a deep steadying breath as he gingerly pressed his palm against her forehead. Similarly he slid his other hand through the blankets of furs that the duchess was nestled within, their soft touch a sharp contrast to the woman's frigid skin.
Obi-Wan closed his eyes, allowing himself to sink into the Force as he had been doing for so long it came to him as naturally as breathing. But, just as had happened back at the Donari's village, an invisible barrier blocked Obi-Wan's mind from the Force.
His eyes flashed open as the sudden impact caused a sharp pain to pierce though his mind. He gasped at the unprovoked pain but quickly closed them again, concentrating on Satine's cold skin, using that to anchor his thoughts and his focus.
There is no try.
Without hesitating Obi-Wan plunged forward, struggling against the barrier, like an invisible forcefield separating him from his goal. But, instead of allowing the pain to break his concentration he pushed back, the pain intensifying the more he struggled. His breath escaped him as hollow, strained gasps as he increased his internal struggle. Only to be pushed back with equal force, but, this time, an image flashed before his eyes, its intensity and meaning so clear, Obi-Wan sprung to his feet, every nerve in his body alight with electricity.
He'd seen himself, standing tall amongst an inferno of green Mandalorian fire. He was draped in a warrior's garb of black, his lightsaber ignited at his side, its blade bleeding red. Scattered in the shadows of the hungry inferno he could make out the shadowed forms of felled bodies, of warriors whose lives had been taken from them through his hate. At his feet, her face given a hellish glow in the light of the crimson saber, was Satine, her pale eyes looked up at the man, unseeing. The apparition looked at Obi-Wan with a disturbing calmness, his eyes a deep, almost a golden yellow.
The cold realisation of what he'd learnt caused a cold shiver to run down his spine. He was blocking himself off the Force as a result of his fear of what he had done and of his fear of what he could become. It was his fear of becoming a monster, of losing himself in the darkness, that was keeping himself from the Force. How could he fight the monster that was himself?
Feel, don't think. Concentrate on the moment.
Qui-Gon's comforting voice reverberated within the Padawan's mind, igniting a feeling of loss. Never, in their months of separation, had he missed his master as much as he did in that moment. He'd often disagreed with his master's teachings and methods but he would give all the stars in the galaxy to have him there, guiding him, in that moment.
Feel, don't think. Concentrate on the moment.
Obi-Wan's eyes fell on satine's face- so peaceful, so unmoving, so cold, so close to death. The Padawan failed to push away his fear at the meaning of his vision but his fear of becoming a monster was minuscule in comparison to the fear that had rooted itself within his heart, of losing the girl before him. If he wished to save her, he had to face that thing inside him.
"Use the Force to heal rather than just wound"
" There is no try."
"Concentrate on the moment."
A little calm after all they went through 😅 Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed the update. Next chapter will be up next week 😁