The Fallen
Summary – Peeta Mellark is the Winner of the 74th Hunger Games after Katniss Everdeen sacrifices herself to save his life. He soon finds himself in the middle of the rebellion as their beacon of hope, their Mockingjay. But as Peeta will soon discover, not all fallen tributes stay dead.
Disclaimer: These are all Suzanne Collin's toys. They're just in my playground.
A/N: Hello all. Staying with Peeta's POV this chapter. I feel this one should come with a little trigger warning as there are sections dealing with the effects of trauma. If you are effected by scenes of this nature I urge you to proceed with caution.
If you haven't already, please follow/favourite/review, but most importantly, enjoy x
When Cato and I arrived back on the hospital floor, I approached the nearest person wearing a uniform to show them my hand,"Excuse me," I began, but when she turned around, I saw she was a young girl, only perhaps a little older than Prim. "I'm sorry, are you a doctor?" she could see I was surprised by her age but I didn't want to make assumptions. After all Prim was a wonderful healer herself and I knew she had already began helping out around here.
"Not yet," she smiled, "I'm a trainee here. How can I help you, Peeta?" she asked, sometimes it still threw me that people knew who I was before I had even introduced myself.
I showed her my hand and she frowned taking a look at it, "This looks like its going to need an x-ray and some stitches," she said, "I'm not allowed to help you without an experienced nurse or doctor with me, but come with me and I'll find you some assistance," she led us to an empty bay and handed me an ice pack for my hand.
"I'll be back shortly with a medic," she replied,
"Do you know anything about Katniss Everdeen?" I asked her before she left the room, "Do you know if she's awake?"
She shook her head apologetically, "I'm sorry, no," she smiled sadly, "I've not been assigned to her but I'll see what I can find out for you,"
"Thank you," I replied, she nodded and hurried off to find help.
As we waited, Katniss consumed my mind. I hoped that she would be okay and that everything would turn out okay for her. I hoped that she was able to recover, not just from the gunshot that almost killed her but from everything Cato told me about her state of mind. I was close to losing my own mind through worrying for her. My every thought was focused on how I could help her. How I could help her get strong again and encourage her to be that independent, spirited, strong willed person she once was, the Katniss I knew and fell in love with. Regardless of what happens next, I knew that no matter which version of Katniss comes out of all this, I would still love her.
Cato was right, I didn't want her to end up being with me just because she needed me to function. I wanted her to need me because she loved me, because she wanted to be with me. I couldn't stop thinking about what he told me, especially the tidbit of information he divulged about Katniss's experiences. I couldn't help but compare it with some of the awful stories I heard from the other Fallen tributes earlier that day during the interviews.
He said that Katniss had one of the worst men to deal with, how could it possibly get worse than what I had already heard? It made me sick to my stomach and sent my imagination into overdrive. My mind was going to the worst places, inventing crazy scenarios that may or may not have happened, I knew it wasn't helpful, but I couldn't stop myself.
"She's going to be alright you know," Cato said and answering my thoughts with complete accuracy.
"Did you know that earlier today I had to interview the others?" I asked him, "Plutarch made me ask them all about their time in that place in front of a camera,"
I saw his eyes widen, but other than that he kept his face guarded, "No, I didn't,"
"Most of them were reduced to tears and could barely get through it, and I hated myself for it. I hated myself for making them relive their worst nightmares all over again. I must look like a monster to them now,"
"Peeta, you obviously had orders to follow and I'm sure they know that too," he answered evenly,
"I've disobeyed orders before," I said, referring to my infamous speeches, "I didn't believe that doing those interviews so soon was right, from the moment they asked it of me it didn't sit well, but I did them anyway. What does that say about me?"
"It says more about this place than it does about you," he muttered
"You've all been through so much already." I lowered my voice, "All these theatrics make me feel like your liberation was just a part of a new and different game, I feel the only way President Coin agreed to it in the first place was so they could exploit you all to help push the rebellions agenda and to make them look like heroes in the process."
"Why else would they risk themselves if it wasn't going to benefit them in some way?" Cato replied, he had already came to this conclusion, "It was also a power play, Peeta, It demonstrated to Snow, loud and clear, that they're here and they have the power to be able to pull a stunt that big in his own city, under his own nose. They made the first move, Coin initiated war. They didn't rescue us because they care about us," he said
"I wouldn't go that far," I replied, "The people I came here with did it because they care. They're are happy we got you out safely. There are even some people here that I met who care too" I thought immediately of Boggs, he was someone I know I could trust.
"Not everyone got out safely," he reminded me, their escape suffered many casualties.
"I know, and what happened to them is nothing short of tragic." I replied sincerely, what happened to those poor souls could have just as easily happened to him or Katniss, "I just can't work out President Snow's intentions, she seems so cold and calculating. She gave the order to interview everyone the second they were released from the hospital, there was no care whatsoever about what it would do to the psyche of these people. You can bet that you'll be expected to film one very soon."
"Peeta, I won't pretend to be happy about it, but I understand her decisions. I'm not going to sit here and make excuses for her, because I really don't like the idea of doing an interview and I can easily imagine how hard it was for the others, but how about giving her the benefit of the doubt? If I look at her moves from a tactical standpoint, she's got a war to win and she needs more people to fight in it for us. Pulling at peoples consciences and pointing out Snow's most vile acts will do that,"
"Did you see what aired during this years Games?"
"Not yet," he admitted, "we were a little busy at the time," his comment was pointed and sarcastic. I knew he wouldn't have seen it at the time, but I wondered if he had seen any of it since he's been here, "I was given the gist of it," he said, "Rex told me a bit about it on our way here, while his friend worked on patching up Katniss, he said that the Victors told secrets about how awful Snow had treated them, the tributes spoke out about their reasons for joining the rebellion and you mentioned about us existing, right?"
"Yeah, that just about covers it," I nodded
"Then I guess it makes sense to do all of this while it's fresh on everyone's mind, hammers in the point the rebellion are trying to make to the Districts and the Capitol about how inhumane Snow and his regime is so they can no longer look the other way,"
"I understand that, I do, I wasn't happy about it but if the interviews had to happen, fine, as long as they were handled delicately. My real issue here is that Coin made us go in deep with the real hard-hitting questions and forced us to collect as many details as possible no matter how excruciating it was for them. Finnick had to do the interviews with me, he wasn't happy about it either but he made excuses for it he's too close to Plutarch so it's harder for him to question orders. He had to take a pause a few times, I could see it was effecting him as well. I don't understand how anyone could be so cold. Coin's using people for her own gain, how does that make her any better than Snow?"
"How deep is deep?" Cato asked then
"She wanted names of people involved, if they were one of the more well-known Capitol people, they were asked to reveal specific details about encounters with them. She wanted them to reveal the most sordid details about their worst moments, what it was like living in there and the effect the whole situation had on them. It got really personal and at times uncomfortable,"
Cato frowned for a moment, "I would have expected names and a general idea about what happened. That should have been enough, that is plenty enough information to help sway Panem without forcing them to rattle off the truly horrific and personal details," he said, "I see what you mean. We still might be getting worked up for nothing though. You have to understand that leaders often have to make tough calls all the time and we won't always agree with them, especially during a war. I've not met her yet so I can't say for sure, but if you have a bad feeling about her, it might be a good idea for us to keep an eye on her,"
We could say the same for Snow... I thought, but I had a feeling he knew that, instead I shrugged and sighed, "Yeah, I guess," Perhaps I was too close to this to see things from her point of view more clearly, maybe I had her all wrong. Surprisingly, Cato was good at being the voice of reason, but call it a gut feeling or whatever, there was something off about President Coin that I couldn't trust. I was definitely planning on keeping an eye on her with or without his agreement.
The more time I spent with Cato, the harder it was to remember who he was before. I spent most of the day listening to awful stories about what the fallen tributes had been through. I had been so selfish asking about Katniss all the time, but he had been through it all too, and not just in the fallen mansion.
I had seen footage of our games numerous times now, but always because I had no real choice. After speaking with him, it was now so clear to me that towards the end of our time in the arena, Cato had begun to lose his grip on his sanity and his faith in what the Hunger Games represented. He was then torn to shreds by mutts and suffered a slow and awful fate for hours. Even I could still hear his cries for help ringing in my ears, the sound of someone being ripped apart, was not a sound so easily forgotten. The fact he was still alive was nothing short of a miracle and further proved that the resources available in the Capitol were light years beyond any medicine or healthcare that we had access to in the Districts. It was intentionally being kept from us and it made me angry all over again. We had to change that.
"In my eagerness to learn more about Katniss, it must seem to you that I forgot you went through it all too. I wanted you to know that I hadn't, but I know I have been selfish. I'm really sorry about that." I told him,
"You don't owe me an apology, Peeta, if anything I owe you one,"
"Probably," I smiled, "I just wanted to know if you're okay?"
"I'm fine," he brushed me off
"Liar," I accused
Cato looked at his feet, "I get by," he said with a shrug, "I'm no stranger to nightmares, but I know how to handle my shit,"
"You don't always have to handle it alone,"
"I don't." he looked at me, "When I was alone, I was barely functioning. It wasn't until Katniss arrived in the mansion that I started to get better,"
"Wait a second. Katniss arrived after you? Didn't you arrive together?"
"No, she arrived a couple of months after me, she spent longer much longer recovering in the hospice,"
"I would have thought your wounds would have taken much longer to heal," I said.
"That's another story for her to talk to you about," he explained, "it's quite personal," how much worse did these stories get? I studied Cato carefully, under normal light you wouldn't be able to see them as they were almost invisible, but under the flourescent lights here in the hospital I could see faint scars down the left side of his face going down his neck and under his overalls, who knew how far down they went. The fact that the Capitol were able to make my scars completely disappear without a trace but was unable to completely hide away Cato's, must have said a lot about how bad they were, and I knew it wasn't because Snow didn't care to hide them as well as mine. I had already learned today just how important the appearances of the fallen tributes was to Snow.
"She wasn't there that long just because of her wounds, was she?" I asked. Though, if it wasn't the wounds, what kept her back for so long?
Cato was careful not to confirm or deny my suspicions,"Everdeen helped me just as much as I helped her, contrary to her own beliefs. She always thought it was just me helping her, despite me constantly telling her that all I've ever done is use people for my own benefit."
"It wasn't like that with her though, was it?"
"I mean a little bit at first, I guess. That's what I told myself anyway. But mostly it was out of guilt in the beginning. She gravitated towards me at first because I helped her after her first... time." he stumbled on that word, "It really annoyed me how she kept sticking around, I thought I wanted to be left alone, but my guilty conscience just told me to let her be, but now I know it was because I needed her there just as much as she needed me. She kind of gave me something to focus on and once I had that, I was able to manage my own shit better."
"Maybe it'll be good for you to talk about it all properly one day," I said, "You gave me this big talk about how Katniss needed to get better, but you've got to get there too. Talking is a key step,"
Cato rolled his eyes and it looked like was about to say something else, when the nurse I saw in Katniss's room earlier came in, closely followed by the young trainee, "I'm so sorry to keep you waiting for so long, Kayla here came to me and requested that I come and handle your case as you were asking questions about Katniss," she smiled gesturing to the young girl, "I was just finishing off some notes but now I'm all yours," she came over and took my hand, "let me have a look at what we're dealing with," she frowned when she saw the state of it, "My goodness, Peeta, what did you do?"
She started cleaning up the wound while Cato enlightened her about me punching a wall. I didn't give her a chance to ask me why before I asked, "How is she doing... nurse...?" I realized I didn't know what to called her,
"Willa," she answered with a smile, "And I checked in on her on my way her, she's still sleeping."
"I've never known her to sleep so long," Cato replied, I dread to think how he knew that, but he could read my expression, "our rooms were close, the walls were thin in the dorms," he explained, "Her nightmares would often wake me too,"
"Don't worry about her now, she's on some good painkillers they should help her get some much needed rest," Willa said as she grabbed a small device hovered it over my hand and an image appeared on the screen behind her. It was an x-ray of my hand, "Well you're lucky it's not broken or fractured!" she said analyzing the image. She got up and grabbed a tube from a cupboard, then sat back down, squeezed out a light pink cream, much like the stuff I got for Gale's back, rubbed it into my wounds and dressed my hand in some clean bandages. "It's going to look bruised for a couple of days but hopefully the swelling should subside in a few hours, keep icing it and keep it elevated. I'll check on it in a few days" she advised
"We'll probably be hanging around here anyway," I replied, "thank you for your help,"
As we re-emerged from the room the sounds of screams filled the halls. I knew instantly who it was coming from.
"Katniss," Cato and I said together, Willa stepped outside upon hearing it too, somehow recognizing where it was coming from and we all ran in the direction of her room.
When we got to the room there was a doctor or medic of some kind, standing over her bed with a needle in his hand looking flustered, Katniss was screaming on the bed, her eyes shut tight, her fists curled into balls, "Step away from her!" Cato yelled at him as he walked over to Katniss, and I felt helpless as she was flailing around, screaming in bed. Cato moved cautiously, with purpose, "Did you touch her?" he asked the doctor
"I was trying to get a blood sample, we need to run some simple tests," he stammered under Cato's gaze, I knew exactly how intimidating he could be.
"You've been briefed on her condition, haven't you?" Cato demanded to know
"Yes, but I was about to go off-shift and she was sleeping, I thought it'd be okay,"
Cato turned to Nurse Willa, "I thought all hospital personnel were informed not to touch her for any treatments without me present."
"They were," she nodded and looked disapprovingly at this man who had broken protocol, "I briefed them myself, including you Niles,"
"She was asleep!" he repeated
"Yeah, well she's a light sleeper these days. Drug induced or not," Cato told him, "Hospital rooms are triggering enough for her, but she can't stand to be touched, especially by strangers."
"I understand, I'm sorry. What can I do? How do I help her?" he asked, looking genuinely remorseful. I almost felt bad for him at Cato's mercy.
Cato didn't answer him, instead he turned back to Willa, "Get this fucking amateur out of here and out of my sight before I do something I regret," he spat
Nurse Willa made no move, she didn't need to, Cato wrath put the fear of God into him and he saw himself out. The way Cato took command of the situation would have impressed me a whole lot more if I hadn't been panicking about the state Katniss was in the entire time.
"Shall I get a sedative?" the nurse asked
"No," Cato replied, "A sedative isn't always going to be available, we need to try and help her the natural way first. But perhaps you could prepare one as a back up?" he suggested, she nodded and hurried out of the room.
I couldn't stand to see her in this state, she was so distressed. "Help her, Cato," I pleaded
"You know what's happening, now don't you?" he looked at me calmly, my eyes kept flickering back to her, "Peeta, look at me," he commanded my full attention, "you can't help her if you're all panicked like this, you need to calm down,"
I nodded slowly, took a breath, and answered his earlier question, "is this is a panic attack?"
"Thankfully not, this is one of those PTSD episodes I told you about."
"How can you tell?" I asked him
"Because she doesn't have panic attack's that look like this and listen to what she's saying," he said, I hadn't realized she'd been speaking, I could only hear the anguished cries. I payed closer attention, she was saying the occasional words, mostly begging words like 'stop', 'no' and 'please'. I swallowed the bile back down. "She's having a flashback to one of her bad memories." he said
"Cato just help her, quickly, please. I can't stand to see her like this,"
"It looks really distressing, I know, but you need to see it," he insisted, "If you love her and you want to be able to support her, you've got to be prepared for something like this. I'm going to walk you through it okay?"
"Okay," He was right. I had to do what was best in the long run. I tried to calm myself down, follow Cato's lead and focus on what I needed to do.
"That asshole's touch triggered something for her and it caused her mind to retreat, taking her back to a traumatic memory. Whatever memory it is, that's where she believes she is right at this moment," he explained, "her reality is forgotten. She doesn't remember that she's here with us anymore, she believes that mind, body and soul she is back there,"
In that moment, in her mind, she was trapped back in that mansion, suffering - who knows what - probably at the hands of that awful man again. We needed to snap her out of it, quickly. "Why does it do that?" I asked, if I knew the answer perhaps it could help me prevent it in future.
"I'm not sure," Cato shrugged, "I don't understand how it all works, but from what I experienced with my Grandpa, I made some educated guesses. I know that Katniss used to tune out and dissociate herself during the really bad moments as they happened, so it was like she was there, but not there, if that makes sense? The way these memories often come crashing back to haunt her like this, I think it's her brains way of piecing itself back together."
"What do we do?" I asked
"We need coax her back to reality," he answered, "Just be careful not to touch her. This goes for whether she can accept your touch or not. Touching her in this state can trigger something worse. It used to make my grandpa more violent." we both took a seat on either side of the bed and leaned in closer, "try not to make any sudden movements either. Right now, she doesn't know it's us and we need to ground her. Talk softly to her and remind her where she is"
"Okay," I said with a shaky breath, "I can do this,"
"Good." Cato then spoke softly near her ear, "Everdeen? Everdeen, it's Cato. Peeta's here too. You're with us in District Thirteen. You are in the hospital after a gunshot wound after escaping that horrible place. We are free of the fallen mansion now. You are not there anymore. Can you remember that?" she didn't seem to react, we have to avoid her occasional flailing and the screams hadn't let up yet, "You give it a go," he suggested to me
"Katniss? It's Peeta. You're safe here with us, Katniss. We're going to need you to find your way back to us okay?" I said as calmly as I possibly could, her screaming only lessened a bit, but it was a start.
"Good," Cato nodded, "Katniss can you open your eyes for me, tell me what you can see?"
"I'm in the red room," she whimpered, but her eyes were still closed, "why does he keep grabbing my arms so tight?"
I nearly died on the spot, it was so hard hearing this, it was harder still, knowing she lived through it, "Katniss, you didn't open your eyes, we need you to open your eyes for us. Tell us what you see,"
"She's come back, Cato, and she's brought you here with her. He just hit me across the face, calling me a dirty cheat,"
What was she talking about? Her eyes were still firmly closed. Who was bringing him in? Cato went pale.
"Katniss, it's Peeta, please open your eyes." I said
"YOU'RE NOT PEETA!" she screamed, throwing her arms out, "GET AWAY FROM ME!"
Cato sighed, "Okay, this could be a problem,"
"What's going on?"
"I think she's associating us with the memory." he said
"Why?"
"I mean she's talking to us, and responding to us but she's pulling us in..." he was half speaking to himself now
"Cato?" I got his attention, "Why? What's happening?"
"I'll explain once we get her out," he ran to the door shouting for Willa, she returned momentarily with the sedative.
"Sorry, it took so long. Our supplies are low we're waiting on a new shipment so I had to find something that wouldn't counteract with what we've already given her," she panted, out of breath, "Do you need me to administer?" she asked,
"Not yet," he said, "But the possibility got bigger, "I need you to try talking to her," he told her,
"Why me? What do I say?" she asked surprised
"Just remind her who you are, where she is and what happened to her. Peeta and I have been pulled into her memory so we can't help her differentiate between reality, try and get her to open her eyes and focus on us and her true surroundings,"
"Okay," she took Cato's seat and leaned in, "Katniss. It's nurse Willa. Do you remember me?" she asked, "You're safe now in District Thirteen, I'm a little concerned that this upset is going to impact your recovery. You were shot in the stomach, do you remember that?" careful not to touch her, the nurse pulled back the bed sheets, there was spotting of blood underneath Katniss's gauze, she looked turned to Cato, "she's split her stitches," she said and then turned back to Katniss, "Come on now," she urged, "We're going to need you to open your eyes for us properly and tell us what you see,"
Katniss shook her head, "I can't," she sobbed, "Please stop. Stop. STOP! STOP IT!" she screamed
"Katniss, please," I begged her,
"Why are you doing this to me?" her voice broke me,
"Katniss," Nurse Willa tried again, "No one here is going to hurt you here, I promise, that place is behind you now. You need to open your eyes for us, and you'll see."
I saw Katniss try taking some noticeably deep breaths, "You are more than a piece in their games," I whispered closer to her ear, "please Katniss, come back to me," I prayed silently,
"Open your eyes, Katniss," Nurse Willa became more insistent now, "You can do it and you'll see that you're safe and away from that horrible place,"
After what felt like a lifetime, her cries began to subsided and slowly Katniss opened her eyes, "Describe the room Katniss," Cato said
Katniss listed the things she saw around the room. Nothing she said was out of place. Her vitals on the screen monitoring her oxygen, blood pressure and heartbeat were still chaotic but were beginning to return to normal.
"Cato," she saw him first and with a sob she grabbed his hand. He brushed her hair out of her face and wiped away her tears. I didn't mean to feel so jealous about that because I was grateful to him, but I would have given anything to be able to do that for her.
As if he could sense how I was feeling, Cato looked up at me, "Peeta's here," he told her
"Real Peeta?" she whispered, not taking her eyes away from him as if she were too afraid to look.
"Real Peeta," he confirmed, "Fake-Peeta can't hurt you anymore," he promised,
She looked around the room until her eyes, wide and red, found mine, "You're Peeta, my Peeta. Real or not real?" she asked
"Real," I promised her and as much I loved hearing her refer to me as hers, I hated seeing her go through all of this.
"I'm so sorry," she sobbed,
"Don't apologize, don't you ever apologize for that," I told her
"Peeta, I don't want to drag you down with me," she spoke so quietly, she looked so afraid, "I think you should stay away from me," her voice cracked, I knew it's not what she really wanted, in a backwards way, she was trying to protect me.
Cato's words from earlier haunted me, "she might withdraw into herself and push everyone away, especially you." Cato looked at me, he knew what she was doing and what's more, he knew it was coming, but this time the green eyed monster didn't rear its ugly, jealous head. This time didn't bother me that he knows her this well, he was able to give Katniss the help she needed. That was what was important. He urged me with his eyes to say something, but he didn't need to. I was already on it.
"Not a chance, Katniss," I said firmly
"You deserve more than this," she continued through her sobs, "It's not fair to pull you into my mess. I'm not worth this effort, Peeta, I'm not."
"You are," I promised her,
"I didn't want you to see any of that. Of that side of me. I didn't want to scare you away. I was a fool to think I could hide it from you. This," she gestured between us, "can't work. I won't do that to you Peeta. I'm not going to put you this again, I won't. It's not fair." she couldn't even look at me as she said it, "I'm broken and far beyond help,"
"Look at me, Katniss," I spoke softly, she lifted her eyes to mine, "I won't pretend to know how much you're going through or pretend I understand how deep your pain runs, but I know that you're not beyond help." I told her, "I am in it with you, Katniss. I will help you through it and help you shoulder some of that pain." I felt the tears falling from my own eyes, I began crying with her. I knelt at her bedside wishing I could touch her. "Please don't push me away, I failed you once before, I'll never make that mistake again."
"Stop saying you failed me," she sniffled
"Well stop trying to push me away," I countered. She looked like she was at war with herself, I don't think she wanted to push me away, she thought she was doing right by me, she was trying to protect me from her emotional baggage. I'd carry it all for her if she'd let me.
"I'm not going anywhere," I said firmly, "I love you too much. You won't have to suffer alone,"
"He's right, Katniss," Cato murmured, "Besides it's not all going to fall on Peeta, you have me too."
"I don't mean to intrude in this, but we really do need to take a blood sample," Willa said apologetically then, "do you think you would be comfortable with me doing it?" she asked Katniss. Katniss was like a deer in headlights, though she didn't say a word we could all see her answer was 'no', "Would you be more comfortable if I talked Cato through doing it for you? And fixing up those stitches you split earlier?"
Katniss looked at Cato who gave a half nod telling her that he would do it for her if that's what she needed. It was clear she trusted him implicitly, "Yes please," she then said to Willa, "I'm sorry, it's not you..." Katniss was scared of offending the kind nurse.
Willa smiled, "Stop being sorry, it's completely understandable."
As she talked Cato through what to do, I decided to take Katniss's mind of things and told her a bit about what happened to me during the last year, in more detail than I had been able to before with her family and Gale present. I told her my reasons for the speeches, which I learned Katniss never got to see, and the visit from Snow with thinly veiled threats. I told her what I saw on my victory tour, about life as a victor in the District and in the Capitol. About befriending the other victors, becoming involved with the rebellion all the way up to our arrival in Thirteen. I could also see Cato and Willa were listening with interest as they worked.
I wanted to find out more about Katniss and Cato's year, but I knew there was time for that and this wasn't it. Once I was finished telling my story and Cato had finished patching up Katniss, he told us more about his upbringing in Two and what his family were like, I was shocked the old Cato wasn't even more of a monster than he already was upon hearing it.
Soon it was just the three of us, and after a while, I could see Katniss slowly getting tired. She began drifting in and out again until her eyelids softly closed. Once I knew she was sound asleep, I needed to get answers. "Cato, what happened back there?" I asked him, "why couldn't either of us help her? I thought you were always able to coax her out, but we had to get a virtual stranger to do it,"
"That has never happened before, I assure you. I have always been able to help her until today," he began to explain, "I think I know what happened though and I understand why it didn't work this time." he sighed and took a brief pause, "But to explain that to you, I would need to go into details about what happened in that place and it's not fair for me to do that without Katniss's knowledge or giving her the opportunity to tell you herself." he said, "You do need to know the truth, the whole story, but it needs to come from her and as soon as possible. I'll talk to her about it when she's awake."
Nurse Willa re-entered the room and smiled seeing Katniss was asleep, "Getting some natural sleep will do her the world of good," she said, "I came to let you know that I spoke to Boggs about the incident earlier," she said, "he put me in charge of Katniss's healthcare. No matter their ranking, no other nurse, medic or doctor is allowed access to her accept for me unless otherwise approved by me. Her mother and sister have been assigned to work in here now so it's been arranged that they're on duty when I'm off duty, and they're in charge of her care when I'm not around.
Cato and I were both relieved and thanked her for her help. Willa quickly became another person I could trust here. "Why don't you two get some sleep?" she suggested, "It's the middle of the night and neither of you have slept much since you arrived."
"I'm not going anywhere and I want her to know that," I said, "I want to be by her side when she wakes,"
"Well, there's no point in both of us being uncomfortable here, we might as well look after her in shifts," Cato suggested, he got up slowly and stretched, "I'm going to get some sleep in my quarters, send for me if anything else happens," he said
"I will," I promised
When he left I grabbed a spare blanket from the shelf and sank back into the chair. There was so much to unpack from what I'd seen and heard tonight, but still, I have to wait for the answers to my questions. I understood why Cato wasn't telling me everything, and it wasn't as if I was desperate to know, if anything I was dreading hearing the truth. The thought of it alone made me feel anxious and I could only imagine how it feels for Katniss having lived through it. I just needed to know how to help her through this and these episodes. After tonight, it was clear that I needed to have all the answers to my questions and I needed more details about Katniss's experiences. Tonight, had been a failed experiment and I felt like I was unprepared. I was completely helpless and I didn't want to be in that position again.
It wasn't because Cato's guidance wasn't good enough, he was actually pretty remarkable. Until today, I never would have believed he was capable of helping another human being in such a way. The way he took charge and guided me through what was happening was impressive. Katniss was right, he had changed.
When Katniss was stuck in one of her memories, somehow my presence made it worse and from what I could work out, Cato was completely ineffective because he was somehow involved in that memory, and so she couldn't distinguish between the real Cato and the Cato in her flashback. This raised a burning question that I was afraid to get the answer to - just how was Cato involved in one of her worst memories? Why did I make it worse? And what the hell did they mean by fake-Peeta?
I was drained. Even though the chair was exceedingly uncomfortable, I closed my eyes to prepare myself for a power nap.
I was woken the next morning with a light shake on the shoulder. It was Prim. "Hey" I said sitting up in my chair stretching, I looked at Katniss who was still sleeping soundly on the bed. No sign whatsoever at the horror I witnessed last night. In sleep she looked almost peaceful. All the lines smoothed out on her face. I knew that it was mostly due to the Morphling.
I looked up at the clock, it was 7am. "I thought I'd find you here," Prim said with a smile, "Plutarch is looking for you, he asked me to send you to the studio if I see you,"
I groaned, of course he was, "What does he want?"
"He said something at breakfast about you and Finnick doing Cato's interview, apparently they're going to start airing the interviews today. A different one every hour, they want Cato's ready too."
"Did he say anything about trying to get one out of Katniss?" I asked
"I think even he realizes she's not fit for a full interview just yet, but he wants to film something with you two to let everyone know she's alive and your together,"
"There weren't enough sparks flying for him yesterday." I rolled my eyes, "he wants us to kiss and hug and give everyone the star-crossed lovers dream reunion, but I can't even touch her right now."
"But you are together, right?" she asked hopefully
"I think so," I smiled finally, "well, she told me she loves me anyway,"
Prim squealed with excitement, "I knew it!" she cried, "I told you, didn't I tell you, Peeta?"
"Sssh! Yes, you did." I chuckled, "Please don't wake her, she had a rough night,"
"You'd better get going, take a shower and grab whatever's left at breakfast before they drag you out of here," she suggested
"I don't want to leave her, I wanted her to know that I'm not going anywhere"
"I'll stay with her till you come back," Prim said, "I'll just tell her that I asked you go because I really wanted to spend some time with her,"
There was some truth to her excuse. I was being selfish, Prim had barely any time with her yet, Cato and I were hogging it all. "Of course," I told her, "keep her safe for me,"
"Cross my heart," Prim chirped
I took one last look at her on my way out, even asleep she didn't look well rested. He brow was furrowed into a frown, her face was pale white - devoid of her normally olive complexion - and dark, bruise-like marks stained the skin underneath her eyes. We had a long way to go. I sighed and reluctantly headed out to face what today would bring.