The chapter title comes from Arc 6. It's one of the most memorable moments, in my opinion. There is, however, an alternative chapter title: Sad People Feel Bad For Themselves.
Special thanks to my fiancé for helping me stand up and fight through life's struggles.
Interlude – Stand Up
A dream. A memory. A vision. A time when he was happy. A family he failed to protect.
The sun shined brightly upon the land, yet none was more radiant than a woman with silver hair and amethyst eyes. Clad in a modest, black dress, Satella smiled upon her guests, for it was so rare that they were all together.
A green-haired child, no more than nine years of age and giving off an impression of both purity and innocence, ran forward and jumped into Satella's waiting arms. They spun around and collapsed in a grassy field, laughing all the while.
Following the child was a pile of magenta, rolling languidly down a hill. Eventually, it reached the base and revealed itself to be a woman. She dragged herself forward at a torturous pace, though her hands did not appear to move.
Satella smiled at the approaching woman but the green-haired girl dragged her attention back, loudly proclaiming how much "Tella" and "Flue" were missed and how they didn't visit nearly enough. Satella indulged the child, promising to visit even more than their usual once a week.
Off to the side, a pink-haired young woman wrapped herself in layers of clothes, despite the shining sun bearing down on her. It was not out of modesty, but shame and fear; mere words of encouragement could not grant her the confidence needed to reveal herself, even though she desperately wished to join her friends.
The solution, of course, was as unconventional as the grey-haired child who masterminded it. Whilst remaining firmly attached to her favorite person, she turned her head in the direction of the pink-haired woman and opened her mouth wide. The extra layers flew into her mouth and were absorbed into her endless stomach, leaving the young woman in normal attire. With shifting eyes but nothing to hide behind, she walked to join their friends.
Suddenly, thunder clapped and the earth shook, for a furious meteor had impacted the ground. The dust clouds cleared to reveal a blonde-haired, blue-eyed young woman who loudly declared her presence. Satella waved her friend over, but a man intercepted the blonde's path. He carried the gray-haired girl on his back, but he still managed to wrap the blonde in a hug, murmuring about how it's been "too long," and she shouldn't be such a stranger. She huffed but had never been able to stay mad at her friend for long.
It was an idyllic scene, one that Geuse could never be a part of. He could only watch from afar, admiring just how content Lady Satella and Master Flugel were.
It was not as if he were not permitted to join them; it was merely for his survival. He was used to the company of beings of near-infinite strength, but abilities such as Carmilla's Authority of Lust bypassed any kind of resistance he may have garnered.
"Even so," he mused, pressing his palm against the glass, "I wish I could share in their joy."
"You do," a silver bell chimed. At his side stood a lovely woman with sorrowful eyes but a blissful smile. He still saw her hugging the green-haired girl outside. "You bring us such happiness, Geuse. 'Tis wonderful to have you here."
He gave her a small smile but it quickly faded. Somberly, he asked, "Could I have done anything to protect this?"
She did not respond. Her skin abruptly turned pallid and sweaty. She collapsed to her hands and knees, vomiting blood. He tried to reach out, but she was swallowed by the shadows.
"It was inevitable," another familiar voice consoled. Silver and amethyst, but a different face. The love of the world burst forth, but her eyes were different; she contained Lady Satella's soul, but she was not the perfect vessel.
"I appreciate the sentiment, Eve," Geuse said, not looking away from the mess of shadows. "However, if Master Flugel discovered a solution while on the brink of insanity, surely I could have done something."
"My progenitor's soul was split many years before your birth," Eve reminded him patiently. "She was doomed from the start."
"Lady Satella is above the Od Laguna," Geuse rebuked, refusing to believe that her fate had been inevitable. "Her potential was limitless, her power unfathomable."
"Meaning that someone who knew what they were doing could use that against her," said Eve. "The Witch of Greed was one such person."
Echidna had split the Sorceress's soul in half. By not putting it back together, the world had been thrown out of balance. The Od Laguna had bestowed mountains of its love onto certain individuals in an attempt to offset the loss, which in turn unbalanced the world further.
Had Echidna known that would happen? Was she aware of how messy it was to involve the beings exempt from the Od Laguna?
Once you reached those upper echelons of power, it was no longer simply "Authorities trump Divine Protections." It was a chaotic playing field of wild magic, souls, reincarnation, evolving Witch Factors, and virtual immortality.
Then again, Master Subaru did not seem to resemble his previous incarnation in terms of strength. Could there be someone even higher? Was his power being restrained?
"The fact you have to ask yourself that makes me worry about your memory."
Geuse's breath hitched as he looked upon a woman of silver: the woman he had killed. The woman who was turned into a puppet, and whose corpse flashed before his mind's eye. "Fortuna, I'm –"
"Say you're sorry and I'll walk away right now," she scolded lightly. "It's not your fault, Geuse."
He couldn't stop Master Flugel's descent into insanity. He had broken every component of his vow. He had absorbed the Witch Factor of Sloth. He had slaughtered Fortuna. He had tried to kill Lady Emilia. He had massacred thousands out of his misguided love for the Witch of Envy.
All of that was his fault.
However, he merely nodded at Fortuna, for he was selfish and wished for her to stay. Averting his eyes, he admitted, "I never told you that I loved you."
She stepped forward and hugged him, but did not proclaim her love, for no one could love their murderer.
The weight of Fortuna's arms disappeared from his shoulders. She was gone. In her place stood yet another person he had failed, though he had to look down to see her.
He fell to his knees before her. "Lady Emilia," he gasped out. "I-I… I'm so…"
The child's eyes – Lady Satella's eyes – peeked out at him curiously. "Why are you so happy, Geuse?" she asked innocently. "Did you read a good book recently?"
He let loose a bitter laugh. "I no longer weep with joy," he said, "Such luxuries are not permitted to me."
She crossed her arms and huffed. With an upturned nose, she stubbornly stated, "That doesn't sound like the Father Juice I know! You're supposed to cry when you eat a tasty snack or see a pretty butterfly! You're supposed to fix sad things, not dwell on them!"
"I've fixed nothing," he said vehemently, cursing himself for making her frown deepen. "I have brought misfortune wherever I step. I have murdered thousands. I have tried to murder you! Forgiveness is out of reach!"
He averted his eyes, for he did not deserve to gaze upon her heavenly visage. He did not deserve the innocent, misguided love she bestowed upon him.
A finger reached under his chin and gently tilted it up. "Look at me," a soft voice ordered. It was identical to Lady Satella's voice, but it was less worldly and held less sorrow.
Lady Emilia, all grown up, gazed at him with compassion.
"I forgive you," she said firmly. "I love you. Is that not enough?"
No. It was not. Nothing was enough. She should have killed him the moment she saw him, for what had he brought upon her but misfortune? He should –
"Stand up!"
A strong voice shouted at him, and he couldn't help but listen, for that voice was key to his very being. It was not smooth and melodic, like Lady Satella's, but it was filled with authority and power.
Gone were the women of silver, replaced by a man of dark hair and eyes. There was no shifting appearance, no artificial body; it was the Sage in all of his glory.
"I said, stand up!" Master Flugel – no, Master Subaru – spat disdainfully. "What, are you bowing because you view yourself as a lesser being? Are you hiding your face from the world you failed? Why won't you look at me?!"
Master Subaru stepped closer, but Geuse would not look up. "I do not deserve to look upon you," the spirit confessed. "I have failed you in every manner possible, Master."
It is a spirit's duty to serve the two Champions, the two chosen. Instead, he ended up serving an entity that was somehow higher than both of them. A god of destruction and chaos; a devil filled with twisted, single-minded love.
Master Subaru didn't care. "I failed you," he corrected. "I cursed you with a terrible fate."
Part of Geuse wanted to agree, for the prophecy of his failure had tormented him for centuries. The rest of him paled at the thought of rejecting the Sage for a mere warning; it was simply information from the Od Laguna turned into recognizable language and was not given with ill intentions. Even so:
"I did not heed your warning. I put my vices before my duty. Those I cherished died because of my slothfulness."
Without an ounce of pity, Master Flugel harshly said, "Then atone."
Atonement. That was what he had sought, was it not?
"Stand up, Petelgeuse Romanée-Conti, and make the world a better place. Stand up and heal this land from its sorrows. Stand up and free my wife. Stand up and avenge your beloved. Stand up and right your wrongs."
With every word, Geuse slowly tilted his head up. He met the flaming eyes of the Sage, who demanded, "Stand up… and cherish the family who loves you."
Geuse stood… and opened his eyes to an unfamiliar ceiling.
The room had beige walls and a simple chandelier; it was a typical guest room from his former home. However, one thing stood out to him: the painting of a yellow butterfly on the wall. Now, there was nothing special about that – Echidna's motif was present in quite a few rooms – but this one had a tiny scratch on the left wing.
'It's my old room,' he realized. 'Master Flu- Subaru remembered.'
"It seems our guest is awake."
He jolted at the new voice, turning his head to find a blue-haired maid looking at him with thinly-veiled hostility. Not willing to meet his sunken eyes and corpse-like visage, she continued, "Lady Beatrice searched through the Royal Capital's streets and found eleven people on death's door. All of them have an affinity for spirits and have agreed to be your… Fingers. She has worked tirelessly, so do not forget to thank her."
"Miss Beatrice is here?" he asked, shocked. "Ah, that is to say, thank you for informing me. Your assistance is much appreciated."
She gazed at him with a solitary, critical, icy-blue eye, hiding the other behind her hair. "I place my faith in Lady Emilia and Sir Subaru, the future rulers of this country. If they say you are to be trusted, then I trust you."
The sound of chains filled the air as she leaned in menacingly. "But make no mistake, Cultist. One wrong move, and your disgusting head will leave your sickly body."
He bowed his head in submission. "I would expect nothing less."
She gave him a contemptuous look before turning on her heel and walking away, beckoning for him to follow.
'Wait, future rulers?'
What happened to the Royal Family? How much had he missed? For how many years had he wreaked havoc upon the land? He truly was a monster, leaving destruction in his wake. He could never apologize to those he had wronged, for they had perished in their burning homes. He could never reach salvation, for he was a murderer.
"Stand up, and atone."
But… maybe he could repent? It was impossible to right his wrongs, yes, but he could give back to the world that his masters had once cherished. With firm resolve in his eyes, he got out of bed and stood on his own two feet.
It was his first true decision in a hundred years.
As the maid led him to a room filled with eleven men and women, he decided that now was as good a time as ever to begin his atonement.
There were beds lined against three of the walls, and he pulled a chair up so that he could face everyone. Many recoiled at his appearance, and he did not blame them. They must feel like they were looking at a ghoul. His trembling limbs, rotting skin, and rattling breath certainly did not lend credence to his health.
He sat down and folded his hands in his lap but did not attempt a smile; it wouldn't do to frighten them off. "Greetings," he began. "My name is Geuse."
He tried to meet each of their eyes, but most flinched away. He did not blame them. One, however, did not shy away in the slightest. Her haunted, sea-green eyes brought both a profound sense of loss and great familiarity. Once undoubtedly beautiful, her chestnut-brown hair had faded along with her vitality as her skin stuck to her skull. She was clearly malnourished, and had likely contracted a plethora of diseases from living in unclean environments.
Unbidden, a thought came to his mind; after centuries of isolation, Shaula might have come to resemble that woman.
Was Shaula still alive? Was his sister okay?
A tear came to his eye, but he did not bother to wipe it away. His visage was disturbing with or without it.
Shamefully, he admitted, "I have no right to place myself before you today. I do not deserve to ask for your help, nor do I deserve your companionship."
'I only deserve death for my crimes.'
They looked upon him with surprise, as if not expecting this ugly, shriveled corpse to not only walk, but speak somewhat coherently. He knew that the moment they learned of his transgressions, their disgust would return in full force.
"Despite this, I have come to offer you another chance at life; by taking fragments of my essence, you shall be revitalized."
Methodically, he listed every reason for and against becoming a Finger. He made sure to emphasize that, since this body was about to expire, one of them would be overtaken immediately – hence why there were eleven people instead of ten.
He debated whether or not to tell them about the Sorceress and the Sage. After all, considering the state of the world before he had fallen into Sin, he doubted they would listen to the explanation. Sure, they would understand once they received his memories, but it seemed cruel to thrust that upon them without warning.
So, after careful deliberation, he said, "I have pledged my existence, my fealty, to Master Subaru and Lady Emilia's souls. Where they go, we shall follow."
The green-eyed girl's eyes widened. "Those names… They're the ones who killed De- Regulus Corneas."
Regulus Corneas. The Invincible Sin Archbishop of Greed.
Geuse had not liked that man.
His distaste aside, he found that he was not surprised. Even with their powers locked away, his masters were the only ones capable of defeating the undefeatable.
A middle-aged man in the corner of the room spoke up. "To serve the Slayer of Sin Archbishops and the Frost Maiden… I believe that's a worthy purpose."
Barking laughter rang out from another bed. "We already said yes to this Finger thing, and he's still giving us incentives! I like this guy!"
Geuse looked around, utterly bewildered. They were… accepting him? Sure, many did not meet his eyes, but he also did not like looking upon corpses. Nonetheless, they all spoke kindly to him.
Miss Beatrice didn't just find compatible Fingers; she found good-hearted people.
As he began the process of splitting his essence, he let himself smile a bit. Perhaps things would be okay.
In the end, Geuse chose to inhabit a body far different from his old one; the young man bore sharp features, medium height, and light-brown hair.
He also held eyes of silver as a way to remember the woman he had murdered.
The last Finger he created was the woman who resembled Shaula; her eyes were sea-green instead of forest-green and her skin was a tad darker, but the resemblance was enough to bring him both comfort and pain.
Was this Pandora's doing? Was this woman some twisted "reward" for his service as Sloth? Or was he merely paranoid?
Shaking his head to clear it, he met the woman's eyes and asked, "What is your name, child?"
She gazed at him warily, though it was filled with more energy than before. As if ashamed, she whispered, "I am known as Number 172. My true name has been lost to time."
A slave. Geuse's heart reached out to her. This poor, lost soul deserved a new life, a new beginning… and a new name.
He recalled an era lost to the shadows, when Lady Satella was still able to smile. She was on her knees in her garden, admiring the flowers.
"The calla lily," she had said fondly. "They symbolize new life, like the one my love gifted me with."
Geuse had stood by her side, admiring how her silver hair swayed in the morning breeze, and how her eyes shined with wonder toward any little thing. She genuinely loved the world, just as it loved her.
He had sat down, idly rubbing the delicate petals of the calla lily. "You have also granted me new life, Lady Satella. I could never hope to emulate your kindness."
She had beamed at him, and he once again thanked the Od Laguna for guiding him to her. "My dear Petelgeuse… You have granted new life to your Fingers, have you not? It is only a matter of time before you gift one with a name."
Now, as he gazed into the hollow eyes of a decrepit soul filled with wasted potential, he firmly spoke her new name.
"Let the past fall to the wayside and accept a brighter future. It is a pleasure to meet you… Lily."
The newly-christened Lily gave the slightest of smiles, but it was genuine, and it filled his heart with warmth.
Someone cleared their throat, and they all turned their heads to the open door. A maid stood beside the one he had previously met, bearing an uncanny resemblance to Emilia, though she was gold and cerulean instead of silver and amethyst.
"Your rooms are ready," she said quietly. Her voice was a beautiful song, but the singer was shy, and could only practice around a select few. "If you will let me lead you to… to…"
She stopped short as her blue eyes locked to Lily's sickly frame. She covered her mouth and gasped. "Could it be?"
Lily nodded slowly, looking distinctly uncomfortable. "Please, call me L-Lily," she whispered, brightening a bit as the words passed through her lips. "Do you… have a name?"
The maid looked surprised for a moment before smiling brightly. "I'm Sylphy," she said with tears in her eyes. "Oh, I'm so glad you're okay! We were all so worried about you, Num- Lily."
Lily's eyes flicked to Geuse for the briefest of moments. "It seems we were both saved by a selfless soul."
Sylphy smiled brilliantly, but continued with her duty, leading the Fingers to their rooms.
The only people remaining were Geuse and the blue-haired maid.
"What a fascinating performance," she said drily. "I trust Sir Subaru and Lady Emilia, but even a lowly maid such as myself must question why you are allowed to build an army."
He said nothing in response. She had every right to hate him.
And yet… her eyes held less disdain than before. Perhaps there was a chance they could be friends.
No. That was impossible. He had lost the privilege of companionship and friendship when he broke his vows to Master Subaru.
With that, she left Geuse alone with his thoughts, and there was most certainly a lot to think about.
He was freed from the Witch Factor of Sloth. He had murdered thousands.
He had destroyed multiple families. He was now being accepted into another… or perhaps, it was the same family in another era.
Most importantly…
'…I saw Fortuna.'
He did not recall much of his time as Sloth; every Ordeal, every massacre was a blur. However, he could never forget Sirius Romanée-Conti, the Sin Archbishop of Wrath.
Looking back on it, the connections between Sirius and Fortuna were clear. Even so, Fortuna had died by his hand.
Sirius had loved him. Fortuna undoubtedly hated him.
It was decided; Wrath may have used Fortuna's body, but Geuse had killed his beloved long ago. Wrath merely took the remnants of whatever feelings Fortuna may have once had and turned it into an obsession.
And yet… he couldn't help but wonder if Master Subaru could have removed her Witch Factor, too. Perhaps if Geuse hadn't been a pathetic, sobbing mess, they could have gotten there faster, subdued Sirius, and brought back Fortuna.
Now, because of his miserable display, she was gone forever, and he grieved anew. He let the tears wash away what was lost, and what could have been. He did not feel any catharsis.
Then, he was taken out of his self-pity when he heard a familiar voice.
"That's it, in fact. Take another step towards Betty, I suppose."
Geuse shot out of his chair and immediately stumbled – he was not used to his new body. Much more carefully, he made his way to the partially-shut door and listened.
"Don't go so fast," he heard Miss Beatrice scold. "Your muscles have atrophied, so your recovery will be slow, I suppose."
"But I'm sick of being carried," whined a young girl that he had never heard before. "I waaant to walk again! I don't want to be a burden anymore!"
Miss Beatrice's voice turned gentle. "You're not a burden, I suppose."
"Yes, I am!" the girl said heatedly. Geuse could have sworn that he had heard a bit of Master Subaru in those words. "I embarrassed him in front of all those people!"
Geuse heard a light "thunk," so he cracked the door open further to find Miss Beatrice and a purple-haired child – no more than nine or ten years old – sitting with their backs to the wall. The latter stretched her legs out, as if that would make her injuries heal faster.
She sighed and rubbed her left arm as the fight left her. "I just wanted to be useful," she said quietly. "I wanted to comfort him like he did for me. Instead, I embarrassed him."
"He wasn't embarrassed, I suppose. He was just worried about you." Miss Beatrice refused to look at the other girl, as if she wanted to offer more comfort but wasn't sure how they were supposed to interact. "Betty's contractor is hopeless, so he probably forgot already, I suppose."
So, they were contracted. It was nice to see that they had finally reconciled whatever painful past they had together.
The purple-haired girl played with her braid. "I don't think he forgot." She bit her lip and asked, "He'd still forgive me, right? He won't kick me out?"
Miss Beatrice laughed and said, "Subaru would forgive someone for trying to kill him." The younger girl flinched, and a stricken look fell upon Beatrice's face. Quickly, she said, "H-he won't blame you for having bad memories, I suppose! Yes, my hopeless contractor is undoubtedly more worried because you ran out with your bad leg, in fact."
The other girl was quiet for a moment before plastering a massive grin on her face. "Yeah, we dooon't want to worry him, right?"
Miss Beatrice leaned over and flicked the other girl on her forehead, causing her to make an annoyed face. "Stop wearing masks around Betty, I suppose," the spirit ordered. "It's annoying to figure out what's real and what's not, in fact."
The other girl opened and closed her mouth repeatedly. Then, after a moment of struggling with herself, she asked with a reserved tone, "Can we practice walking again?"
Miss Beatrice smiled, startling Geuse; he had never seen that look on her face.
He knew that it was time to leave. He would not destroy such a touching moment with his presence. So, he sneaked away, lest he was discovered and ruined everything.
He wandered aimlessly, giving a quiet "hello" whenever he saw someone pass him by. They did not give him strange looks, for he no longer looked like a monster; that was merely on the inside.
He came upon the entrance hall and stayed on the sidelines as he watched the scene unfold. The crowd was not large by any means, but a sizable group of people had amassed. All of them wore black – the color of mourning. At the front of the room, gazing somberly at the gathered folk, were Master Subaru and Lady Emilia.
Looking identical to Lady Satella, half of the Sorceress stepped forward and cleared her throat, gathering everyone's attention.
"I thank you all for gathering here today." Her voice was strong, like a queen speaking to her subjects, and it was filled with both love and compassion. "I wish it could have been under more fortunate circumstances."
She gazed out at the crowd, wishing she could have been anywhere but here. She had no speech prepared, no words of wisdom on hand. She merely stood there, trying to apologize for the decimation of their allied Camp.
She saw Julius with his head bowed; he was good friends with Felix, was he not? And Reinhard…
The Sword Saint held a mild frown. It was as if he didn't know how to cry, or perhaps, was never allowed to. He merely looked hopelessly lost.
"Your grandfather is dead!" she wanted to shout. "Why won't you yell at me for being unable to save him? Why won't you show that you mourn him?"
She didn't know if his stoicism meant that he was incredibly strong or pathetically weak.
She took a shuddering breath, so her betrothed took her hand and squeezed it. She drew comfort from it, but there was only so much the action could do, for those hands had been dirtied with his own blood. Even the lovely time they had spent in each other's arms was not enough to drive away that image.
However, his warmth was just enough for her to push forward.
And so, she began. Her mind was elsewhere, but her voice spoke a harrowing tale.
Of Sloth, and luring him in. She did not speak of Geuse's rehabilitation.
Of Wrath, and how the Archbishop had killed hundreds with a snap of her fingers. Fortuna was not mentioned.
Of Emilia, and her brutal massacre of Sirius. Envy was not discussed.
Half-truths and meager explanations were all she could give.
She hated lying, hated it. She was an honest person, and even a half-truth painfully gnawed at her insides. However, she knew that, if she were to tell the whole story, they would kill her where she stood. If she died, Subaru would follow.
She had failed Fortuna, Geuse, Archi, Crusch, and Beatrice. She would not fail her beloved as well.
Not again.
She completed her speech and collapsed into a chair, utterly drained. The other Royal Candidates, their knights, and the various important political figures in attendance shuffled about, sharing stories of their fallen comrades.
Those that knew her showed no outwards blame, but she could read the room well enough. Nobles and knights alike were casting her suspicious glances, wondering what had really happened.
A silver-haired half-elf had appeared. Days later, there was a large-scale attack by the Witch's Cult, and multiple prominent members of society were murdered. Wilhelm van Astrea, who had once taken on the duties of the Sword Saint, had been decapitated in the Mathers domain. Felix had passed on the title of "Blue" to Roswaal. And Crusch…
Two weeks. They had been allies for two weeks, and Crusch would never breathe again.
At that moment, Emilia felt like she couldn't breathe, either.
Immediately after, she berated herself for being so selfish. She hadn't known Crusch that well, yet she was feeling sorry for herself while the country was in an uproar. Massive swaths of land were now unmanaged and millions of people were ungoverned. The Noble Family bearing the crest of the Lion King had been eradicated. The remnants of their government were at risk of falling apart, yet all Emilia could think about was how she had failed everyone.
Subaru, in a black version of his knight's uniform, kneeled before her, masking his grief with concern.
"How did I do?" she asked weakly, knowing that his answer would contradict the truth.
"You were great," he assured her. "Spoken like a true queen."
'A true queen,' she thought bitterly. It was an odd way of saying "incompetent fool."
A queen led her people to victory. Emilia was too weak to protect even a single soldier, and, instead of immediately facing the fallout, took a nap and indulged herself with a distraction.
Her eyes flitted back to Subaru, and she berated herself for indirectly referring to her betrothed with such distant terms, but the point remained that she had acted like the kind of ruler she would not support.
She wanted to be better.
'You're wonderful as you are,' a voice in the back of her mind whispered. However, it was too distant, too weak, and was easily cast aside.
It was absurd for her to consider herself as Satella's other half. The true Sorceress was a kind, strong, and powerful leader. Emilia wasn't even important enough to grab the attention of her contracted spirit. A spirit who, despite having the proper mana reserves, was happily casting aside her calls in favor of a pleasant dream. After all, he had entrusted her to Subaru, so all he had to do was check in every so often, right?
She had told Subaru it was fine, and that she was okay with Puck only appearing for fun and games. In truth, she hated it.
Pandora may have erased herself from Emilia's memory, but it was Puck who had blocked the rest of it. His ability to manipulate the mind was certainly remarkable. He could have helped preemptively terminate the contract with the Witch of Envy. Better yet, he could have lowered the effects of the Authority of Wrath. Instead, he had faith that she could do it on her own, or that Subaru would be there.
Even if Subaru was all-powerful, she still would have wanted Puck there; his support meant a lot to her. Instead, he had proved that he did not care about anyone else, and let Mother Fortuna die.
Emilia shook her head to clear it, for she was being unfair. Tampering with memories was nothing compared to overpowering the Witch of Envy, or even Sirius.
And yet… he could have helped her heal Subaru.
The image was buried into her mind; the small amount of visible skin was pale and pallid, whereas everything else was covered in blood. Snapped bones had torn through his muscles while Subaru desperately tried to tear off his own skin.
She had called for Puck, whom she had once trusted above all else. He brushed off her request and continued sleeping, for he knew she'd be alive by the end of the encounter.
Even before that, back at the capital, when Subaru had tried to kill himself… Puck did not offer an ounce of comfort. She merely laid there, heartbroken, alone, and cursing her selfishness, for Subaru wouldn't have been hurt had she merely been able to let him go.
She had needed Puck during those times, but he had refused to show. How different would everything be had he not handed her off to Subaru like a duty, an unwanted burden? Could they have saved Mother Fortuna?
She knew Puck cared about her, but she wished he showed it in a more conventional manner. Perhaps he would have if she were not such a failure. Perhaps his absence was merely another lesson, like when he had abruptly left so she could learn how to forage for food.
Maybe he decided that she wasn't worth protecting.
She cast her eyes around the room, hiding the magnitude of her sorrow with a small sigh. She spotted Julius in the corner, gazing listlessly into the crowd. She had only met him once, but he had given off the impression of a noble, infallible knight. Now, he was merely a grieving friend.
Priscilla was acting… strange. It had only been a few days since Emilia had last seen her, yet it was like the pride was now a mask. The Vollachian redhead seemed as lost as Reinhard, albeit in a different way. Every step was unsure, every action questioned. She had no idea what was her own will, or what was the devil's.
Al stayed close to Priscilla, worrying about his liege. However, he was now able to fully devote himself to her; despite wearing armor, he was lighter than ever before.
Reinhard stayed in the corner of the room, refusing to swap stories like the others did. The poor thing must have been so overwhelmed; he had faced down a mighty beast, had a heartfelt moment with his grandfather, went back to the capital, and was immediately called back to the Mathers domain to gather the dead and mourn a Royal Candidate.
His frown may not have deepened, but Emilia had spent enough time with him to see the sadness that lied within. If the young blonde fussing over his condition was any indication, then she saw it, too.
Freya Lugunica – though in private, she still preferred to be called Felt – may as well have been Reinhard's little sister. She was also not much of a crier, but she was the type to berate her knight for bottling everything up. She truly looked out for him as much as he looked out for her. Her ruby eyes gazed at her knight in concern as she tried to figure out the best way to help him.
Speaking of Felt...
"Is Meili okay?" Emilia whispered to Subaru for the umpteenth time. She didn't understand why the purple-haired girl had been so distraught upon seeing the blonde-haired, ruby-eyed candidate, but Subaru had been quick to shoot down any questions.
Then again, Meili had reacted strongly when they had discussed Capella, and Felt looked remarkably similar to the former Sin Archbishop of Lust.
Subaru's eyes lost their focus for a moment – he was getting better at his long-distance communication with Beatrice. "She seems fine," he muttered back. "They're practicing walking again. Stupid kid shouldn't have run off in her physical condition."
There was no anger in his voice, only concern.
"Honestly, I'm more worried about Roswaal," he admitted at length.
Emilia frowned at the abrupt change in subject. "I thought you held no love for him."
Subaru shivered. "Ugh, me and Roswaal… That's almost as likely as Echidna returning his feelings. No, I'm worried he's hurting someone right now."
She frowned at that; she didn't particularly care for Roswaal – the margrave's true intentions were likely not benevolent, and anyone who loved Echidna was quite suspect – but Subaru seemed to hold quite a strong grudge against the man. From day one, he had alternated from mocking, respecting, hating, pitying, fearing, and avoiding Roswaal, yet he wouldn't say why. All he would do is tell her to never trust Roswaal under any circumstances.
"We'll head to the Sanctuary soon," she soothed. She wanted to assure him that everything was okay, but she knew him better than that; if he was worried that something bad was happening, then it probably was.
Then again, they should have been at the Sanctuary at that very moment, but instead, they were dealing with Emilia's failure and grieving their fallen allies.
She was taken out of her thoughts when she was approached by Anastasia and Julius, both of whom wore somber expressions. Julius's eyes were sunken, as if he had lost a crucial part of himself.
Anastasia cleared her throat and bowed her head, but whether it was out of respect, grief, fear, or merely to hide her distrust, Emilia didn't know.
In her thick accent, Anastasia spoke: "On behalf've the Kararagi Trading Company and the Anastasia Camp, I'd like ta thank ya fer defeatin' the White Whale, the Great Rabbit, Sloth, and Wrath, as well as offer our condolences fer the tragedy that has occurred."
Emilia barely held back from lashing out. Anastasia didn't know Crusch. They were merely competitors. The merchant was probably happy that her competitor was out of the picture. Were it not political suicide, she might have even thanked Emilia for letting Crusch die… or even worse, for orchestrating the Duchess's death.
But Emilia said nothing. She wouldn't give voice to such stupid thoughts, nor could she ever insinuate that Anastasia would feel that way.
At Anastasia's side, Julius clenched his fists. In a voice unlike his own, he said, "Thank you for avenging my dearest friend. I am forever in your debt."
Emilia furrowed her eyebrows, no longer able to hide the intensity of her emotions behind a formal mask. "That's it?" she asked incredulously. "No blame? No curses? I couldn't save your friend, or any of my allies! They trusted me, and now they're dead!"
Subaru gave her a disapproving glance, but she didn't care. She had contracted with the Witch of Envy and killed her mother. She didn't deserve any debts, or glory, or anything like that.
She was not "The Frost Maiden," or whatever ridiculous moniker the public had thrown at her.
She was "The Witch of Frost," and that's all she could ever be.
She saw the stares being cast at her. They knew she was at fault. The only thing stopping them from executing her for murder was the Dragon Tablet proclaiming her Camp's victory over Wrath and Sloth.
It was unfair that Emilia held such a luxury while Crusch was dead. Her ally, her friend, would never have her goal realized.
'…Or would she?'
Multiple conflicts would end with the Witch's Cult's demise. If Emilia became queen, she would pull her troops back from the myriad of conflicts they were involved in.
...There she was, being naïve and stupid again. That was not ending a war, but surrendering. There were other factors, other people to consider. She had promised to be better, be smarter than this, yet she was a pathetic excuse for a leader. Satella would have been better.
Even so, Emilia would still try, for she never gave up.
She hoped her other half would approve of her resolve and would forgive her for being weak.
A bit before noon, the attendees slowly began to shuffle out. Bodies were collected, condolences were given, and tears were shed.
No one had outwardly condemned Emilia, but it was obvious that everyone hated her. She wondered if that would have happened if the Dragon Tablet hadn't worked its magic, but she doubted it. Subaru had said that the Dragon Table's purpose was to determine the Royal Candidate and nothing more. Now, because of Pandora's influence, it held dominion over memories.
The reason she had changed the fabric of reality was simply to make him feel grateful. He would know of the suffering caused by the misconceptions. After she had shown that to him, he would, ideally, feel elated and thank her for her kindness.
What a sick, twisted way of thinking. Pandora truly was a Witch.
Emilia quickly wiped her tears as she realized that Felt and Reinhard had not left yet, and were in fact approaching her. She would not falter as she had with Julius.
Reinhard, ever the gallant knight, kneeled before them. "Greetings, Lady Emilia, Sir Subaru," he said politely, but the typical levity in his voice was nowhere to be found. "I must apologize for my failure."
'Wait, what?'
Subaru and Emilia couldn't believe it; Reinhard was apologizing to them? What kind of twisted logic must he be using?
Felt, who had not kneeled, seemed to be thinking the same thing. "We've talked about this, Rein." She hid her impatience by placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. "You weren't there. You couldn't have done anything."
Reinhard didn't take his eyes off the floor. "Were I not a monster, I could have been there. Had I been there, I could have saved him."
Emilia went to interject, but Felt glared daggers at the half-elf, silencing her.
The blonde then kneeled in front of Reinhard, placing his head in her hands. "Look at me," she said gently, raising his head. His eyes were glassy, but they somewhat met hers. "If you weren't powerful, then you could have been there, but you couldn't have saved them. You'd just be dead."
He nodded, but clearly didn't believe her. "Thank you for your kind words, Lady Freya," he said politely.
She sighed. "It's Felt," she said, clearly trying to hide her sorrow. "You always call me that, Rein."
He blinked. "Ah. Yes. Silly me. I shall not make that mistake again."
He still didn't say her given name. Perhaps he felt that he didn't deserve it.
He looked past Felt, choosing instead to level his gaze at Subaru and Emilia. "I did not know my grandfather well," he said, "but I believe that he was honored to fight alongside the two of you."
"Don't thank them!" Felt scolded. "They let your grandpa die!"
Emilia flinched, but didn't say anything. She had no right to speak to either of them.
"And what about Felix, huh? You two were so close! What about –"
"Please do not blame them, La- Felt," he said flatly. "It is no one's fault but my own."
Then, his gaze met Subaru's. "Thank you for doing all that you could," he said at length. He looked like he wanted to say more, but didn't want to betray his friend's trust. "I believe that your wisdom led us to the best course of action."
Subaru's gaze hardened. "I already told you, Reinhard," he said stiffly. "I'm the biggest fuck-up in four hundred years. You shouldn't trust me."
But a lifetime of conditioning was powerful, and Reinhard both couldn't fault the Sage, nor could he blame anyone but himself.
Resolve filled Subaru's eyes and he said, "At least tell me this."
"Anything," said, Reinhard, much to Felt's consternation.
"When is your birthday?"
Felt sputtered, completely and utterly baffled. Reinhard's expression shifted from dull self-blame to confusion. Even Emilia, who was used to Subaru's general instability, was floored by the ridiculous question.
"I… I'm sorry? It's the first of the year, but –"
"Then we'll celebrate it," Subaru vowed. "No death, fire, whatever. Just a happy day amongst friends."
Reinhard dipped his chin in acknowledgment, still a bit befuddled. "Yes, of course, though I'm afraid I do not know how birthdays are celebrated."
A grim smile spread across Subaru's lips. "I kinda figured that," he admitted. "Just leave the details to me, and we'll celebrate a new you."
At that point, Reinhard seemed more confused than lost, which was a considerable improvement in Subaru's eyes. They all said their goodbyes, but Felt hung back for a moment.
She sighed and looked at Emilia, her eyes drooping more than they had ever seen. "I know you didn't mean any of this to happen," she said quietly, so as to prevent Reinhard from eavesdropping, "but Rein's been through enough. Why couldn't this have happened to someone else's grandfather?"
Emilia couldn't respond, lest she break down again. She merely watched as the rightful ruler left the Mathers domain, leaving her and Subaru alone. They sat on the steps of the staircase in silence, their breaths echoing in the massive, empty foyer.
"I'm sorry," she blurted out, though she wasn't sure of the exact recipient of her apology. Was it to Crusch, Felix, Wilhelm, and the rest of their Camp? Was it to Julius, who she had yelled at? Was it to Reinhard, who had lost his precious grandfather? Was it to Subaru, for having to deal with her? Was it to Satella, for not being as strong, kind, or patient as she once was?
Perhaps she was apologizing to those she dared assume would one day view her as a queen.
Subaru wrapped an arm around her, pulling her close. With a deep sigh, she laid her head on his shoulder and tried to let the tension out.
"There's nothing to be sorry for," he said patiently. "This is a high-stress situation. No one would fault you for a little self-pity here and there."
"You held it in," she pointed out, "but I know you're grieving, too."
He let out a sardonic laugh. "You know as well as I do that I'm a mess behind closed doors, Ella. I just have a bit more experience with hiding my emotions around stuffy nobles."
Utter silence.
Suddenly, Subaru turned beet-red and started apologizing profusely. "Sorry, holy shit, I'm sorry, I didn't mean, I didn't, look, you're not, and I'm… Fuck, I'm making this so much worse, aren't I? Look, I – Ow! What the hell?!"
Emilia, completely unperturbed, had merely reached up and flicked him on the forehead. "Wrong girl, dummy," she murmured.
He gaped at her before letting out a long-suffering sigh. "Once again, your reaction to this is ridiculous. I mean, that shit's instant break-up material for most couples."
The mere thought of leaving him was ridiculous to her, and they both knew that. She couldn't imagine either of them seriously considering such an action, and especially not over something so minor.
"Mhm. Maybe for others, but our situation is strange," she said quietly. "I could never fault you for a slip of the tongue when I sometimes get confused, myself."
She paused for a moment to let him process that. Hesitantly, he asked, "Wait, are you… getting her memories?"
It was a strange question. Emilia felt more like she was regaining her own lost memories rather than someone else's.
She idly twirled a lock of hair around her finger. "Some things. It's how I knew about Va Huma and all those other spells. I… um, I mean, Satella had watched Echidna perform some… truly awful spells – she didn't use that one on me, don't worry!" she assured him, noticing the stricken look on his face. "A-anyway, I've only really started getting the memories back after we met Pandora."
He nodded slowly. "That kind of stuff has been happening to me, too," he admitted, but brought the conversation back to her before she could pry further. "I'm really not sure how to feel about all this. Yeah, it's nice to hear 'my love' in the same way as before, but not if it means you'll soon remember a decade of torture."
She didn't respond, choosing instead to turn into his embrace.
"Either way," he continued, oblivious to her thoughts, "it's not some memories or mannerisms that tripped me up. I swear, you in that damn black dress…"
She couldn't help but giggle slightly. She had chosen to wear not one of Roswaal's designs, but one of Satella's black dresses. The modest attire covered her entire body, though everything above her shoulders was bare. It was not the most stylish, but it was modeled after the one created when she was a child, and she felt it was a nice way to honor the mysterious man who had sewn it for her.
Subaru played with the orange hems of her dress, grumbling all the while. "It's confusing as fuck, you know? Now, when I look at you, I'm half expecting you to start speaking even more old-fashioned. I swear, if you one day decided to change out your hairpin…"
She reached up and daintily pressed the silver flower pin in her hair: the only visual difference between her and her other half.
But, this pin… It was taken from the woman she had slaughtered. She didn't deserve to wear it. She was a fraud, an imitation; she could never be as good as Satella.
Suddenly, the thin cloth felt constricting and hot. She wasn't worthy of this dress, of this soul.
Satella had saved people every single day. Emilia had killed her mother.
She broke away from Subaru's embrace and pulled her knees close to her chest, wrapping her arms around her legs. She tucked in her chin and hid her face from the world, so they would not mistake her for someone she was not.
"I rescind what I said," she mumbled. "Please refer to me by my proper name, though I shall still accept the use of an epithet if you insist upon one."
He gazed at her, worried. "I mean, sure," he said with unconcealed confusion. "I wasn't exactly planning on mixing you two up, but why… oh."
His eyes softened and he reached out for her, but she shied away. She didn't want to be seen.
"Look at me," he said gently.
She wouldn't, for she'd only be able to show him a mockery of whom she once had been.
His tone hardened and he repeated himself: "Look at me, Emilia."
She peeked out at him, wishing that his compassionate gaze was sent to her better half. Yes, she knew that Subaru loved her and that it was separate from his love for Satella. That didn't mean she deserved it.
Satella was kind and sweet, charming everyone who came her way. She would give but not take, love but not expect to be loved. She placed herself in harm's way to protect those she cared about.
Satella was perfect. Emilia was a mere fake, a failed copy.
Slowly, she became aware of a hand stroking her hair; her cheek, wet with tears, was being smushed in an unfamiliar manner.
This entire time, she had been speaking aloud, completely unfiltered… in Subaru's lap.
Her sobs began anew as she realized how pathetic she was. "I'm sorry!" she wailed, losing what little grasp she had on her emotions. "She would have never cried over something this… this stupid!"
Subaru took a moment to collect his thoughts. Burrowing his hand in her silver locks, he asked, "Do you remember what you told me last night? About me making things hard?"
She flinched as she remembered the shock, the hurt on his face. That was her fault, and –
"Well, you're the biggest pain in the ass I've ever met."
She blinked up at him, stunned. Subaru had said she was weak and had promised to be there to help her get stronger. He had said she didn't think things through, so they would plan together. He had said she was too innocent, so they would try to understand their cruel world, together.
He had never taken her words and turned them back on her in such a crude manner.
Knowing full well what she was thinking, he hardened his gaze and said, "You pulled this whole shtick about 'I said you're great, so you are,' but you're doing this self-deprecating bullshit, even after I told you that you're amazing.. You introduce yourself as 'Only Emilia,' but the moment you accept that Satella's your other half, you instantly assume you're the inferior side."
She averted her eyes as his words hammered into her. He had not made a single incorrect statement.
"Do you know how it makes me feel?" he continued unrelentingly. "I admire you like crazy, but you're talking about how you're a shit person. Well, what does that make me, huh? Less than garbage, and I can't even find it in myself to disagree. I'm the most useless piece of trash you'll ever meet."
She rose to deny his statement, but he covered her mouth with his palm.
"Let me finish," his eyes demanded. She could never refuse those eyes.
"You're the biggest hypocrite in the world. You comfort others but refuse to be comforted. You've never taken your own advice. You blame yourself for things that are blatantly not your fault. You say Satella is great for qualities you have while denying that you have them. God damn, it's annoying as hell!"
She shook her head vehemently. She had both sets of memories; she knew that she was right.
"That just means you're blind!" she had shouted all those years ago. It was as true as ever.
She saw the frustration in his eyes, the anger in his gaze. She flinched back, knowing that she was merely another problem against the hundreds he was already dealing with.
"Why deal with me?" she asked hopelessly. "Why bother with a failed copy? A worthless vessel?"
"Because you're not a failed copy," he said heatedly. "Because I love you. Because I want to marry you and have a family together. Because you want the same thing with me. Because you're my entire world."
'And you're mine, Subaru Natsuki,' she thought, but could not say through her hiccups. 'I won't let you go. I won't let anyone take you from me.'
If it weren't for the Royal Selection, she would have married him on the spot.
She needed someone to catch her when she fell, just like he did. She put on a strong front for him, but she was always the weak one. She wasn't filled with resolve like her other half was.
Noticing that she was spiraling again, he flicked her forehead and called her a dummy, just as she had a few minutes prior. "How are you so perceptive, but so oblivious at the same time? You're just as awesome as Ella, and I know she would agree."
Emilia had already accepted that they both felt that way, but they were wrong.
Satella… She truly was Emilia's better half, yet she likely held the same self-deprecating mindset. Why couldn't she see that she was the better one? She held to her resolve in times of strife, and harbored no hatred towards those who had wronged her. Emilia was petty, selfish, and took drastic actions. She chose to save herself over her mother.
She begged and pleaded for Subaru to understand this, but he didn't.
"I'm telling you this, so you should believe me," he parroted back to her. "As a certified Emilia Expert, I believe I'm qualified to say that you're great."
"There's nothing great about a murderer," she muttered. "You're simply too blind to see it."
They were getting nowhere, and they both knew that. However, their innermost feelings were laid bare.
Subaru believed Emilia was wonderful and was equal to Satella. Emilia knew for a fact that she was inferior.
Subaru felt that his life held no worth outside of others' attachment to him. Emilia was frustrated that, after all this time, he still couldn't see her point of view.
Their understanding of each other grew by the day, but with every harrowing event, their self-worth shrunk.
It was exhausting.
He threaded his hands through her hair, soothing her. "We don't have to go to the Sanctuary quite yet," he reminded her. "Why don't you rest for a little? You've earned it."
Rest… That sounded nice. She needed to give her mind a break.
She focused on his breathing and the sensations on her scalp. "A nap sounds reeaally good," she murmured. "Just… don't go."
"I won't," he promised. She reached her arms out and clung to him desperately, as if afraid he'd float away if she let go. She couldn't bear it if he –
"Shh… Just rest, Emilia. You're okay. Everything's okay."
She couldn't help but listen to that voice. Slowly but surely, she drifted off, dreaming of a person who was her but wasn't, and a man whom she had fallen in love with twice.
Subaru watched her drift off to sleep with a sigh. 'Oh, how the roles have reversed,' he thought fondly. It was mere hours ago that he had bawled on her lap as she had berated him and told him that he was amazing.
"It seems we're all stubborn fools," he said aloud. He raised his eyes and looked in the corner of the room. "Isn't that right, Geuse?"
A spirit, wearing a body with light-brown hair and silver eyes, revealed himself and asked, "How did you know I was here?"
Subaru let a bit of amusement show on his face. "Your light is brighter than it was yesterday," he answered, much to Geuse's confusion.
The spirit shook his head, used to his master's strange mutterings. Then, his eyes drifted downwards before shooting back up. Was it truly okay to look upon her? Would she be hurt if he did?
Subaru noticed Geuse's anxiety and said, "Your vow is irrelevant now. I'm half-convinced that the Od Laguna was just spouting bullshit, anyway."
That, or it favored Pandora over its so-called "Champions," but Subaru had no way of knowing that for sure.
At length, Geuse steeled his resolve and looked upon Emilia's sleeping face. "It's her," he said softly. "To see her so peaceful was a mere pipe dream; I am truly honored to witness this."
The day before, Subaru would have dismissed Geuse's reverence as nonsense. Now, he was not so sure.
He patted the step beside him, indicating for Geuse to sit down. With a bit of pity, he asked, "How are you holding up? Especially with, you know…"
He didn't want to say the name aloud, but Geuse barreled ahead, anyway. "Sirius," the spirit said. "She had followed me for a century, but in my madness, I could not make the connection between her and Fortuna. Now, she's…"
He clenched and unclenched his fists as if trying to crush the darkness of his thoughts. "She's dead," he said flatly before letting out a world-weary sigh. He may have killed her, but there was some part of her that had clung to life, right? Tentatively, he asked, "Was there any way to save her?"
Subaru grimaced. "After the Witch of Envy got to her? No." He laid a sympathetic hand on Geuse's shoulder but knew that nothing would ever be enough. "Envy annihilated Fortuna's soul. Even if I could travel back in time, I couldn't save her."
Geuse knew that would be the case, but he still folded in on himself.
'All is as it should be,' he thought bitterly. 'A murderer does not deserve love.'
Then, Geuse hardened his resolve and said, "Fortuna may be gone, but I will live for you, Master Subaru. You, Lady Emilia, and Lady Satella. I will live for Fortuna's memory, and let her love persist in my heart. I will live for my sister, whose loyalty was unmatched. I will protect my reasons to live with all that I am."
Things were quiet for some time. Then, Subaru let out a quiet "huh."
"I always knew it," he mused, "but you proved it yet again. You're a far better man than me, Geuse."
Geuse averted his eyes. "Nonsense. I am merely a humble spirit trying to atone for his crimes. My value is that of a shield, pathetically attempting to protect my loved ones from harm."
Subaru was about to respond, but Geuse pushed forward, declaring, "However, I will not lay down and pity myself. I will stand up and save those I care about, for that is what you are doing. I will give back to the world, for that is what Lady Satella would have done. I will bring kindness and forgiveness to the cruel, hateful souls, for that is what Lady Emilia would do. I will stand up for my beliefs, for that's what Fortuna would have done."
Admiring the resolve in Geuse's eyes, Subaru could do nothing but say, "I'm proud to be your friend, Geuse."
A small smile danced on Geuse's lips but it quickly fled. "I am honored, Master Subaru."
They sat there for a moment, merely enjoying each other's company. Then, at length, Geuse said, "Subaru."
He was not addressing anyone, for there was no "Master" prefacing it. He was merely stating a fact.
"Your name was never Flugel," Geuse accused, but no irritation infected his tone. "It was a mere pseudonym."
Subaru sighed and took some time to gather his thoughts. "It was, yes. My old life was lonely and unpleasant, and I wanted a fresh start."
That was understandable to Geuse, for he had just given the same to Lily. "And now?" he asked curiously.
Subaru ran his fingers through Emilia's hair, letting the soft threads ground him. He didn't like to speak of this, for regret and shame surrounded it.
However, he had already opened up to Emilia, and that made things a bit easier to swallow.
"I was an orphan in my first life," he murmured, trying to keep his voice steady. "I knew the names of my parents and that's it. I held no true attachment to the Natsuki family name. If anything, I was bitter that they had left me."
He chuckled ruefully. "It was stupid, I know. They died of some weird illness or whatever, but I blamed them. Then again, I was a kid growing up on the streets. Kenichi and Naoko were merely names on a paper in City Hall.
"Then… I lived again, in a world identical to my old one, but with a singular change: my parents never died."
Subaru knew that the Od Laguna did not think like a human, but it was as if it was apologizing for the life he had been given, and wanted to reincarnate him into a better one. Strange, how a barely-cognizant entity held such powerful affection for him.
"My parents were wonderful," Subaru said fondly. "My father was an all-star at everything he did. I was just some weak kid trying to be like him; back then, I held a bit of resentment to him for being so great at everything, but now I just admire him. As for my mother…"
'She would hate me. She'd say I'm not her son; that no child of hers would ever be capable of such malice."
"She's the person I admire most in this world. She meant so much to me, and it kills me to know that I had once blamed them for dying on me, especially now that I know how much they love me."
The day before, he would have cried at such an admission. Now, as he cradled an angel, a goddess in his lap, he felt at peace.
"I like to think they'd approve of Emilia," he said wistfully. "Satella, too, of course. My dad would congratulate me for 'landing two sexy birds while your old man only got one.' Even if we explained the soul shenanigans, he'd still insist that his son was a harem master. Then, my mom would pull out baby pictures and tell embarrassing stories about me. 'This is when he threw up on Miss Suzuki. This is when he got his face stuck in a cabinet.' She'd probably think she's doing me a favor, too."
He sighed for what felt like the hundredth time, but there was a small smile on his face. "I miss them, and I appreciate them more than ever. I just wish I left under… happier circumstances."
Guese smiled along with his master, saying, "They sound like wonderful people. Do not worry; I am sure they would have approved of Lady Satella Natsuki."
Satella Natsuki… To think that, after being married to her for so long, those words had never passed through his mind. It was strange to realize how little attachment he had once had to his family name.
Unaware of Subaru's thoughts, Geuse continued, "Of course, that is not to say that they would not approve of Lady Emilia Natsuki, either; I was simply –"
"W-wait, hold on!" Subaru interrupted loudly, causing Emilia to stir. "How do you always figure these things out?! Honestly, I don't even know why I bother waiting to tell you things!"
But Geuse did not respond. He was too busy gazing into bleary amethyst eyes.
Emilia had awoken, and she was staring directly at Geuse.