Carlisle Cullen's POV

I was speaking quietly with my family when suddenly, Alice gasped.

"Alice, what is it?" Jasper asked. "Did you see something? Are the Volturi trying to find a loophole?"

"No, not the Volturi. It's Annabelle!" Alice said.

"Annabelle?" I repeated. "Is she in danger?"

I nearly got up at once, with half a mind to race up to the bedroom where Annabelle was sleeping to make sure that she was all right.

But thankfully, Alice shook her head. "No, no danger. At least, not that I can see in her immediate future. But she..."

Looking directly at me, Alice relayed in a hushed voice, "She's made up her mind to leave us."

"What?" Emmett said in disbelief. "After everything she did for Carlisle?"

Abruptly, Jasper stood up. "That's why… I felt a separate type of heartache," he said, suddenly realizing the flux of emotions he had been feeling before.

"Heartache?" Rosalie asked, looking at Jasper with a furrowed brow. "That could have been Leah and Jacob, or Sam and Theo. Why do you attribute that to Annabelle?"

"Well, yes, I thought it was because of Jacob and Leah at first, because the feeling of sadness was so intense," Jasper said, shutting his eyes and focusing. "But now that I think about it, it wasn't just mourning, but breaking. That was her. Annabelle. I was feeling her heart break."

Jasper's eyes opened and he gazed over at me. I could tell that his memory of Annabelle's emotions was bothering him. It bothered me, too. Why would her heart break? I wondered. Is it because she hoped to feel like we were her family, and ultimately, she didn't feel like that was the case? Well, I can't blame her, not after everything Annabelle learned about us in Volterra. She must have been overwhelmed by the amount of history our family has, and she must have realized that we'll always be tangled up with the Volturi... No wonder she moved away from me when I nearly -

I cut off my thoughts, knowing that Edward was in the room with me.

But Edward had already read most of my thoughts. Addressing me directly, Edward said to me, "I don't think that's why she was feeling that way, Carlisle. It wasn't about us - well, not all of us, anyways."

"We should go after her, stop her and ask her what's bothering her," Bella suggested, also standing up. "I mean, maybe she still feels she's not welcome with us. If that's the case, we should make it clear that she is welcome with us."

"It's too late," Edward sighed. "She already left."

"You knew?" Bella asked him, turning around in surprise to look at her husband.

"Just now. It was so silent where she was… I assumed she was just sleeping. But now that I focus, that space is totally empty of thoughts. There aren't even dreams occupying that mental space," Edward explained.

"She's truly gone?" Rosalie said, surprised.

Edward nodded.

Without saying anything, I got up from the chair I was sitting on and made my way up to the bedroom, already knowing what I would see. Sure enough, I opened the door only to find an empty room. The window was wide open, with the blinds drawn up and the curtains drawn back, now fluttering from the breeze.

I slowly approached the open window. From my view out of the second story window, I could see a small figure running off into the distance. My heart clenched. When we were sitting together on the bed, she drew back from me, I remembered again. I sensed then that she wouldn't want to stay with me.

But you didn't even say good-bye, Annabelle, I thought.

Edward appeared behind me, sensing my thoughts. "Carlisle, what are you doing? You're just going to let her go?"

"What can I do?" I asked him softly. "If she wants to leave, I have to let her go."

Edward frowned. He seemed to waver as to what he wanted to reveal to me. Then, he took the plunge. "Carlisle, she loves you."

"She cares for me, certainly," I murmured.

"No. You're not understanding." Edward shook his head, more than a little frustrated. "I heard her last thoughts. She was…" He paused, not willing to intrude on Annabelle's privacy. But he felt it had to be said. Finally, Edward admitted, "She was begging herself to stop falling deeper in love with you…"

I blinked. "No, Edward," I said reflexively. "I doubt that -"

"It's true." Jasper entered the room behind us. "Edward's right. I felt her heart break, Carlisle."

"It could be for any number of reasons, Jasper," I replied tiredly. "She's had a hard life, though she's determined to make the most of it. And what happened with the Volturi must have been traumatizing for her on many different accounts. Given the magnitude of such events, I hardly think that Annabelle would be upset over me. I hardly warrant such emotions from one as bright as her."

Sighing, Jasper said, "I thought that way, too, at first, Carlisle. That was my mistake."

I frowned. Mistake?

"You see, all this time… I thought Annabelle was hesitant around us because she had struck a deal with the Volturi and wasn't sure how to get past all of us without getting caught. That was why I never trusted her, despite your vouching for her trustworthiness," Jasper admitted to me. "But now, I see that that wasn't the case. It wasn't hesitance because she was afraid of being caught for working on behalf of the Volturi. She was hesitating because she was afraid of upsetting you, Carlisle. Not understanding the situation, but not wanting to upset you... It confused her and made her feel trapped because it's not in her nature to be passive. Still, she never wanted to do anything that put a burden on you. I was suspicious of her because I've only ever seen her level of anxiety in people who feel their own lives are literally on the line. But her anxiety came from upsetting you. She must have felt quite deeply for you, Carlisle, from the very beginning..."

I stared at Jasper, stunned.

By the end of Jasper's speech, the others had entered the room, too.

"Maybe that's why I couldn't see Annabelle's future until now," Alice murmured thoughtfully. "Admittedly, she wasn't exactly my focus these past few months, what with everything going on. But even when I tried to focus on her, I never saw a clear future for her. After listening to Jasper, I think I know why now."

Alice danced over to my side and taking my hand in hers, she told me gently, "Carlisle, I think Annabelle was hoping and waiting for you to love her. She never believed you did, but she tried to keep that possibility open, so she never decided on what she would do… until now. Now, I think she's decided to move independently, regardless of what your choices are. She's become more decisive about who she wants to be, even without you."

"She was confused," Edward said softly, remembering what he had seen of Annabelle's thoughts. "She was an orphan, wasn't she?"

I nodded once.

"She didn't know what to do with the love she felt," Edward mused.

Besides him, Bella's eyes softened in sympathy and pity for Annabelle. She reached over and gently grasped Edward's hand. He squeezed her hand back.

"Family, home, love, future... It was all tied up with you, Carlisle," Edward murmured. "Now, I think she's trying to separate it all out."

Alice nodded in agreement. "Yes, that's what I see too."

"You didn't know this?" Emmett asked me. "You didn't realize her feelings for you, Carlisle?"

I shook my head slowly. "No," I said honestly. I thought back to all of our times together. "Aro did say something about her feelings for me when he was reading her mind, but I assumed it was to get a rise out of me and to make her feel humiliated. I never imagined it could be true."

"Why ever not, Carlisle?" Rosalie said, exasperated. "I mean, all right, I didn't know it was such genuine love for you, but even I could see the hopeful way she kept looking at you, as a woman. It was written all over her face sometimes. It's why I found her so difficult to accept. How could you have missed it?"

"Annabelle wouldn't love me, Rosalie. Not truly. Or, at least, not in a way where she would want to spend her days with me. She's young and full of life," I said quietly. I glanced back out the window. I couldn't see her anymore. She had literally gone beyond the window and out of my sight now. "I'm old and broken. She knows that now, especially after all of the things that were said in the Volturi's Chambers."

"Besides," I murmured, and my voice was filled with regret and guilt as I confessed, "I've already had my happiness in life - with Esme. I could never deserve two partners, and especially not after I let Esme's life slip through my hands like that. How could I deserve someone like Annabelle when I somehow managed to lose Esme?"

I slumped against the wall and put my face in my hands. Yes, I thought, half-sorrowfully and half-bitterly, if there is any justice in the world, as Aro insists, then I can never love again. Not in that sense, anyhow.

"Carlisle," Edward said softly. "The thought of anyone but Esme being by your side… It's difficult for all of us. Of course, it's hardest for you."

"But there's something you said yesterday to Aro that made me understand your relationship to Annabelle," Edward went on, trying to find the right words to explain himself. "It's not even about 'moving on,' although that's what it would turn into, eventually. But it's about… opening yourself up to possibility again."

Edward shot a look at Rosalie, urging her to help him.

"Edward's right," Rosalie said, holding back her own reluctance in favor of helping Carlisle. "Carlisle, you've known who you wanted to be ever since you were born. And you've created this lifestyle and brought together this family, but maybe there's still space in your life for something new…"

"I appreciate all of your support and encouragement," I said quietly, looking over at all of my family. "But there are still things I have to take care of for myself before I'm ready to truly take advantage of such a possibility again."

If ever, I thought to myself.

Edward looked at me knowingly. "Carlisle, you don't believe that vampires have an afterlife because you think our vampiric state is what we've traded in for any chance at heaven. So it makes sense that you would believe that after losing Esme, you could never be allowed to love again. But life isn't so simple. I mean, think about what Annabelle managed to do for you. She gave you your hands back. None of us thought that that was possible. Vampires aren't supposed to be able to heal from sunlight-inflicted wounds, after all..."

"Yes," Bella agreed. "Not everything in the universe is always balanced in a way that we understand it. Think of Renesmee. Sometimes, there are ways forward even for us vampires, and our old ways of thinking and our old knowledge can expand a little..."

Bella paused and then she said courteously, "Of course, that all takes time. We'll stop bothering you now, Carlisle."

Emmett reached out and put a hand on my shoulder. "We're always prepared to wait for you, Captain."

I finally smiled. "Thank you, Emmett."

At some point during this conversation, Alistair had appeared. He was standing in the doorway, but he moved aside to let everyone pass him. Then, he walked up to me and without any ceremony, he said bluntly, "Carlisle, I'll be off."

"Stay a few more days," I tried to persuade him. "It might be risky to move while the covenants haven't been solidified."

"No, I'm leaving now."

"Why the hurry? Tired of all of us around you?"

"Yes. Is that even a question? You have quite a noisy family," Alistair replied dryly.

I laughed.

But the way Alistair stared out the window told me there was something else going on.

"Are you feeling another pull?" I guessed.

Alistair nodded.

"Very well. Then go," I said. I clapped my hand on his shoulder. "But you are always welcome with us, Alistair. Always. After all, you not only led Annabelle to safety, but the wolves would never have managed to track down Sabine without getting hurt if it weren't for you. I sincerely thank you."

Alistair slowly sidled out from under my hand. But he suddenly looked at me a bit warily as he inquired, "Speaking of feeling a pull, you don't feel like going after your puppy? I know you're not a tracker, so you don't feel drawn to anything the way I do, but still…"

"Puppy?" I repeated, confused.

Alistair shook his head. "Never mind. Forget I said anything. I'll be off."

"Well, well, Alistair. I'm honored that I got a good-bye," I told him, smiling wryly.

Alistair scowled at me. Then, in a flash, he, too, was out the window, heading towards whatever new pull he was feeling.

I returned to Volterra the next day to negotiate the rest of the covenants, including a protective order for Sabine. Other clan leaders joined me: Tanya from the Denali clan, Amun and Kebi from the Egyptian coven, Zafrina from the Amazon clan, Siobhan from the Irish coven, and Vladimir and Stefan from the Romanian clan. The negotiations were long and difficult, but finally, we managed to settle on a type of democratic process where the Volturi's actions would be under review by the rest of us. Our names, too, were cleared before the Volturi guard. The true history of Renesmee was finally told, and Esme's wrongful death was conceded by the Volturi. This revelation caused many of the Volturi guards to turn in their insignias and to pledge loyalty elsewhere, or else to pursue a nomadic life now. When the truth was revealed, the other clan leaders, who had come to my family's aid when we needed their witness accounts of Renesmee's growth all those years ago, let out long sighs of relief, for they, too, like us, had spent the past twenty-five years wondering if the Volturi were going to come and hunt them down. A great weight was lifted from our shoulders that day, though, of course, the Volturi now had new grievances against us.

In our own internal conference, Zafrina said wisely to me, "You do realize that the Volturi now have new reasons to come after you, Carlisle."

"Yes, perhaps we should just finish the fight once and for all and end them now," Vladimir, ever eager to regain his throne, suggested.

"No," I said sharply. "The Volturi have acknowledged their mistakes. As long as they keep to the covenants they've agreed to, this is the best way forward."

"And if they don't?" Siobhan asked worriedly, a crease appearing on her otherwise marble-like forehead.

"Then, we'll gather together again, just like this, and defend each other as one," I said calmly.

Besides me, Tanya nodded. "Besides," she said, flashing us all a smile, "they've lost the twins. Without them, their offensive line of attack has narrowed considerably."

Amun and Kebi did not say anything aloud to us, but their nod to each other indicated their approval of our plan.

Aro, Marcus, and Caius would never forgive me, I knew, but at least they retained their formal position of authority as the first upholders of law and justice. As Vladimir and Siobhan suggested, I knew that someday, the clash between the Volturi and the rest of our covens would escalate once again. I was not so foolish or naïve as to believe that this was truly an end to all things, but like Sulpicia and Athenodora, I felt no need to deal with such an issue until it truly came about. I had no desire to fight against the Volturi. I only wished for peace.

Finally, we all returned to Forks. When we arrived at the airport, Charlie and Sue Swan were waiting for us. So were Paul and Rachel Lahote, along with their daughter Rebecca. Seth Clearwater was also there. He gave me a quick nod when he saw me, but otherwise made straight for his sister.

"Leah," Seth said quietly. "Is it true? Is -?"

Seeing Leah's red, exhausted eyes and Jacob's grim expression, Seth fell silent.

"Oh, Leah." Sue, Leah's mother, hugged her as she let out a long sigh.

Once in her mother's arms, Leah immediately burst into tears. "Shauna's gone!" Leah sobbed.

"Sh, honey, I know. I know…" Sue murmured, stroking her daughter's hair.

"How could I have lost her? My daughter, I let h-her life slip through my own h-hands," Leah choked out through her tears. "She gave up her life for mine, I know it. I felt it! But how could I have l-let my own daughter...?"

"She was a good kid, Leah," Seth said quietly. "I'm sure she knew what she was doing."

"That's not the point!" Leah argued back. "I'm her mother. No matter what Shauna was thinking, to have her die in my stead is - is unthinkable! I... I failed her completely. I let her life slip out of my hands."

"No, Leah, you mustn't think like that," Sue told Leah.

"But it's true," Leah said, and a fresh wave of tears spilled from her eyes. "You've never failed me, Mom, and I f-failed Shauna completely…"

"No, you didn't," Sue reassured her. "Shauna was stronger than any of us understood, Leah. This was out of your control. Mother or not, magic in our tribal blood works in strange way. You couldn't have done anything more. It was Shauna's choice."

"No, no, no," Leah protested, now weeping openly.

"Leah..." Sue said gently, "you have to hold yourself together, now." But Sue was crying, too.

Seth walked over and put his arm around his sister's shoulders. "Sorry, Leah," he said, his voice heavy. "I'm so sorry. I should have been there, too."

Throughout all of this, Jacob simply kept his head down. His heart ached as he realized that he could neither speak with Billy, his father, whom he had always relied on during the difficult times in his life, nor "Billie", his daughter and the light of his life... She'd been the better version of himself, Jacob knew. Fearless, even reckless, but with a sense of spirit and wisdom that Jacob had never had time for as a teenager. Shauna hadn't told Benjamin about the tribe secrets, even when she desperately wanted to. Shauna also hadn't given up the Alpha position, even when she felt lost and confused. She instinctively knew how to protect the pack - by keeping its secrets and by never giving up on figuring out what the right thing was for all of them. And Shauna was also so attuned to the magical bloodlines and storylines of the tribe... Only now that he was older did Jacob realize that he, too, should have paid more respect to the magic of the tribe when he was younger, when he had had a chance to be Alpha. But he hadn't recognized his own potential when he first turned into a werewolf, and he'd given it away to Sam so easily. Jacob didn't regret his decision, for Sam had been a strong Alpha when they needed a strong Alpha. On the other hand, Jacob had been so proud of Shauna for holding her ground as Alpha, even when she wanted to give away the position. It had showed Jacob that Shauna was stronger and wiser than he had been at her age... Perhaps too strong and wise, Jacob thought numbly, staring at the tile floor of the airport through blurry eyes. Sam, Leah, and I - We all phased to go after you, to save you. But it looks like... I wasn't strong enough to save you... You were so far ahead of us that I couldn't protect you. I'm sorry, Shauna. I'm so sorry. God, I miss you so much already. Life's not the same without my little girl in it. Jacob quietly buried his face in his hands, his shoulders heaving slightly as he tried to control his breathing.

A little ways away, Rebecca talked to Theo about what he'd missed. They talked quietly, and only said what was necessary, trading succinct stories about what had happened on the ground at the reservation and at Volterra.

Meanwhile, behind them, Paul and Rachel spoke with Sam. When Sam told them what happened, Rachel's hands flew up and covered her mouth. She looked over at her brother, Jacob, with tears filling her eyes. Paul sighed heavily and shook his head.

"We should leave," Jasper whispered to me. "Before we're spotted by anyone. It's been twenty-five years, after all. We could run into someone we know."

"And Renesmee is waiting," Edward said.

I nodded, agreeing with both of them that it was in our best interest to leave now.

We parted quickly, though before we did, Bella gave Jacob a long hug.

"We'll be there for Shauna's funeral," she promised him in a quiet voice. "We won't intrude on your private ceremonies or disturb anyone. But we'll come to pay our respects to your daughter. Just let us know when you can, Jake."

"Thanks, Bells," Jacob murmured. "It might – It might take a little while. Gabe's got to come back, and…"

"You don't have to say anything," Bella told him, wiping his face for him. Jacob nodded numbly, new tears springing up in his eyes as he watched us leave.

We stopped briefly at our home in Forks to reunite with Renesemee and to make sure that the area was safe. Jasper, Alice, Rosalie, and Emmett decided to scour the area to make sure that there weren't any remaining Volturi vampires in the area. Meanwhile, Edward, Bella, and Renesmee packed Renesmee's things.

I wandered into the bedroom where Annabelle had stayed in the short while when she was with us. Her soft and lovely scent still lingered on the bed, which was now surrounded by piles and piles of books. I smiled a little, for the bookshelves had nearly been cleaned out.

There was still one book lying on the bed besides the pillow.

I walked over to the bed and picked up the book. Turning it over to see the cover, I recognized it instantly as the book Esme had gifted me for our anniversary many years ago. I gazed at the cover for a moment, my eyes tracing the worn golden letters of the title "The Humanity of Medicine" before flipping over the book to see Esme's beautiful handwriting on the inside cover. She had written my name "Dr. Carlisle Cullen" inside of the book.

I softly closed the book, and I took it with me as, having determined that the area was indeed "vampire-free," my family and I once again left behind our home in Forks, Washington.

Over the next couple of months, we all went our separate ways. I wandered up to Wisconsin, where I had first met Esme. I laid flowers at her grave, which was a simple stone, hidden away under a cliff. It was a secret tombstone, as she already had a tombstone with her name on it in the actual graveyard from her human life.

"Esme…" I murmured. "Esme, Esme, Esme…"

"I'm sorry I couldn't protect you, my love," I whispered. I bowed my head. "I really could use your love and your guidance right about now."

I took a deep breath, as I pulled the book Esme had given me out of my jacket. Staring down at it, I reminisced, "We always used to bicker about what was really important in life - I always used to say that it was about the underlying moral philosophy, and you - well, you were always a hopeless romantic." I smiled as I remembered our "arguments," which were filled more with our teasing each other than actually arguing.

"You know, you surprised me when you gave me a medicine book for our anniversary," I said fondly, "and one on the humanity of medicine, nonetheless."

"That was when I understood that you loved what was best for me, always," I said softly, as I knelt down and slowly buried the book underneath the stone. "I always had such firm beliefs of what was right and wrong, and what was care and love… But you taught me, day by day, how open-minded love truly is - that loving someone was about valuing what they valued, and in that way, seeking to understand worlds beyond your own."

Then, touching the stone gently with my fingertips, I murmured quietly, "You should see the worlds that she builds, Esme. I've never seen such a beautiful and vibrant mind before. If you taught me to see other people's worlds as a form of love, then she invites me into her worlds just by virtue of being herself..."

For a moment, my eyes glowed brightly as I thought of Annabelle.

But then, I sighed, and I said, "What would you want from me, my love? What would you say to me now, if I could speak with you again? I miss you so much… We all do. But I can't keep holding on to you, can I? At some point, that's not love for either of us anymore, is it? Where is the line between remembrance and regret? I've been trying to figure it out for the past twenty-five years, and I just - can't." My voice broke.

My voice dropped to a whisper, as I continued, "Esme, would you be happy, would you understand, if I moved on and fell in love again? Is that the kind-of romantic story you would approve of for me? Maybe it's what you hoped for me all along, and it was just me that was selfishly clinging onto your memory, hoping if I wanted you back enough, I could meet you again for a third time… I suppose I was asking for too much."

I shut my eyes. "Esme. I wish you could have met Annabelle. You would have loved her."

"And if what Edward and Jasper said is true, then Annabelle..." For a moment, my voice trailed off. Then, with my eyes still shut, in a heavy voice, I whispered, "Annabelle knew that I was holding onto you and yet, Annabelle still loved me until her heart broke…"

My eyes squeezed tightly. I let out a long and low breath. "Perhaps," I confessed for the first time, "perhaps I did know, in my heart of hearts, that Annabelle was waiting for me. But I couldn't allow myself to acknowledge her, to acknowledge even the possibility of falling for someone again, when... when I still regretted so deeply how our story ended, Esme. But at the same time, if I allowed myself to recognize Annabelle's feelings for me, in any way, I knew very well that it would be game over for me, and that I would fall for her - no, not would, but have." I swallowed hard. "What do I do, Esme?"

I imagined Esme in my mind, and in my imagination, I was dancing with her again, just like in that dream that Annabelle had conjured for me.

In my mind's eye, I saw Esme laughing lovingly, even adoringly, at my naiveté. "Oh, Carlisle, you're so silly sometimes. Don't you know? Who you love, I love."

"But... you're not with me anymore," I whispered back to her.

"Well," Esme said cheerfully, beaming at me in that ever-gorgeous smile of hers, "just love her enough for the both of us, then."

She leaned closer and pressed our foreheads together. "Carlisle, I rather think I've waited in the wings for long enough. Don't you?" she whispered. "Spin me out now, darling."

I did, spinning her out gracefully. She turned on her heel, her dress and hair flowing beautifully around her as she twirled. Finally, she let go of my hand, and spun away from me, into some darkness that I couldn't follow her down - some soft and romantic darkness filled with her favorite jazz music.

Meanwhile, I stood there, left behind in a darkness comprised only of loneliness and emptiness.

But in fact, this darkness was a deeply familiar feeling. After all, I had been the first Cullen. People often forget that, because they focused on the strange fact that I had a family now, and a family was a rare thing for vampires. But I, and I alone, knew that before there was Jasper and Alice, Emmett and Rosalie, Edward and Bella, Esme… I had spent many, many years utterly alone… One of the many reasons I valued my family so much was because of how deeply acquainted I was with loneliness. Perhaps that, at its core, was why I had so connected with Annabelle. Her loneliness and mine, they were the same...

Standing before Esme's grave, I returned to that darkness once more, not to fail or give up, but to gather up the pieces of myself again and to stitch them back together, in order to face possibility once more in this long life of mine.

Annabelle's POV

Dr. Silva, the doctor that I worked as a nurse for, sighed. She looked over at me and murmured, "Fizemos tudo o que pudemos. Não há mais nada que possamos fazer."

Seeing my confused look, she translated for me quietly, "There's nothing more we can do."

My shoulders fell. "Well," I said softly, "at least he's not in any more pain."

Dr. Silva nodded. "Yes, thank the Lord." She marked something down on her clipboard and then made to leave the room. She opened the door and stepped aside, expecting me to walk through first.

"I'll stay here for just a few minutes longer," I told her.

"Fine," Dr. Silva said. "Come to Room 6 afterwards. I'll need your help."

"Yes, doctor."

She left the room, closing the door behind her.

I brought my chair closer to the elderly man lying on the bed, sleeping peacefully. He's sleeping now. Will he ever wake up? The doctor says there's nothing more we can do...

For a moment, I bowed my head, saddened and humbled in the face of the death of yet another patient.

Well, the least I can do is give him a beautiful dream. I reached over and gently pressed my fingertips to the back of the man's hand.

Then, closing my eyes, I gave him a dream of what life might be like if humans had butterfly wings to take them everywhere - soaring above the clouds, each and every one of which was bleeding beautifully with the intense colors of the sunset. Here, the sky truly stretched on forever, limitless and full of beautiful possibility... In such a world, even this elderly man could fly back home to his loved ones, no longer limited to lying in a hospital bed...

The elderly man's face crinkled into a warm smile and his arms twitched slightly, as though he was flapping them as butterfly wings instead of heavily bandaged arms.

Knowing that he would take the dream magnificently from here, I slowly drew my fingers away. I gave myself a brief moment to pull my emotions together before rushing off to Room 6, where the doctor was prepping a patient, a young boy, for an operation. This patient was under anesthesia, and already deep in sleep.

The anesthesiologist, Matheus, gave me a welcoming nod as I came in.

"Hello," I greeted him.

"Good, you're here," Dr. Silva said. "All right. Please stand by the tray and hand me things as I ask for them."

"Yes, doctor."

The operation was intense because it required very delicate incisions. Three hours in, Dr. Silva had to make an extremely thin incision line. Weary from the long hours, her hand shook ever so slightly. I quickly reached over and stabilized her hand by grasping her wrist in the most delicate of touches - a touch that, frankly, should not have been humanly possible. The doctor didn't say anything, as she was too focused, but once the surgery was successfully completed, she turned to me and said, "Thank you for catching that incision. I was about to go off of the line."

"Not at all."

"But you know..." She paused. "Your hands are very cold. I could feel them through the gloves."

"Oh," I said, "I'm sorry."

"No, it's nothing to apologize about. Rather, are you well?" she asked me.

"Yes, I'm fine," I replied quickly.

The doctor gave me a look-over. "You can go home after we've cleaned up," she said, as I was sterilizing all of the equipment.

"Well, I'm actually on graveyard shift today," I told her.

She frowned. "Again? Weren't you on graveyard shift last night, and three nights before that?"

"I'm all right," I assured her.

Dr. Silva traded a look with Matheus. He shrugged, but Dr. Silva shook her head.

"You really should get some more sleep," Dr. Silva told me. "Your body temperature being so cold could indicate a lack of necessary rest."

"I'll be okay. Really," I replied. "As for my hands -" I lifted them in the air and grinned "- unfortunately, they're always cold."

The graveyard shift was rather uneventful, until about four in the morning, when a patient in immediate need of attention was rushed in by the paramedics.

The patient's mother followed in after the paramedics. She was wringing her hands and wailing as her daughter was unresponsive on the stretcher. "Eu não sei o que poderia ter acontecido com ela!" she said, almost shouting with anxiety and shock. "Num minuto ela estava bem, no outro ela tinha desmaiado."

The patient, who was a young lady, was turning blue from asphyxiation.

"Ela pode ter algo alojado em suas vias aéreas," one of the paramedics said to the other.

No, I thought, understanding that phrase, for I'd heard it often since I came here. There's nothing in her airway. Human ears can't hear her breathing patterns, but I can, and she's actually breathing regularly. That is to say - she's not choking on anything...

"Annabelle!" One of the paramedics recognized me.

"Take her to Room 4," I said urgently.

The paramedics nodded, and they began to wheel her away.

If not a physical object lodged in her throat, then what is causing her asphyxiation. I paused. Could I perhaps detect something in her blood by scent?

I hesitated. Then, subtly gripping the wooden panel hammered into the wall behind me where I was standing, I took the tiniest, tiniest breath.

The patient's scent of blood, which lingered quite strongly, as she had just been wheeled away, consumed my senses entirely.

My thirst flared in my throat like someone had lit a match right at the back of my throat.

Control yourself, control yourself, stop, stop, stop! Warnings rang out in my head, flooding my mind.

God, the smell of fresh blood. It smells heavenly.

Stop it! I berated myself. That's not why you allowed yourself to breathe. Come on. Get yourself together.

I accidentally tore off the wooden beam from the wall.

The patient's mother, who was still standing in front of me, shrieked.

"Oops! Sorry, must have been loose," I blabbered, despite the fact that it hardly made any difference what I said, since the patient's mother did not speak English.

Shaking my head, I finally thought about what I exactly I had smelled in that small gasp of air.

Right, I thought, focusing on the sensation and ignoring the intense thirst ravaging my throat and mind. What did I smell?

There was her blood - sweet and lovely - stop.

I let out a long, impatient sigh. What else? Besides her blood, I detected a strange odor of her body producing intense sweat all over her body. So, no physical object lodged in her throat, but sweating profusely... And then, there was that strange scent in her bloodstream of histamines... That's it! It's an allergic reaction.

Turning to the mother, I asked, in stilted Portuguese, "Um, ela estava comendo - er - ou tocando em alguma coisa quando caiu? "Was she eating or touching anything when she fell?"

The mother replied uncertainly, "Eu não tenho certeza. Ela estava fazendo biscoitos. Talvez amendoins?"

I couldn't understand everything, and when I shook my head, a nearby person translated impatiently for me, "She said perhaps peanuts."

Oh!

The mother, seeing my eyes lit up, was starting to freak out. I quickly reached out and touching her gently on the shoulder, I didn't send her to sleep, but I relaxed her.

"It's best if you sit," I told her, guiding her to a nearby seat. "I'll come and get you in a bit. It's likely just an allergic reaction, but a severe one. I've got to get to her quickly now. Sit tight, all right?"

She nodded, a bit numbly. I squeezed her shoulder one more time. Then, I raced off to Room 4.

At around seven in the morning, I finally walked up to my tiny apartment flat after my graveyard shift. I only used my apartment, which was the absolute cheapest I could find, to drop off my things. Otherwise, I headed straight for the mountains to get some fresh air into my lungs and to go hunting. I kept myself stuffed on animal blood, knowing it was the only chance I had to continue ignoring the temptation of human blood.

I usually never took a single breath for the entire day. Even so, there were times when I had almost broken my pact and given into my thirst. Even without smelling, the blood particles wafted into my nose and mouth, and distracted me. Other times, like tonight, I found that I had to use my sense of smell to pinpoint what was wrong, and I could often do so without running tests because of my heightened sense of smell. It made it more likely for me to be able to treat patients quickly and more effectively. Of course, the downside was that I had to battle my own thirst. Luckily, I found that the chemicals and anesthesia that was often found in human blood at hospitals often put me off enough to remain focused on something other than the desire to drink the persons' blood, but there were always some close calls.

Two weeks ago, for example, one young man's blood, who had come in after falling off of a ladder while fixing his home and cutting open his shoulder so badly that he needed stitches, had smelled so delicious. Dr. Silva had raced off to another patient, leaving the young man and I alone in the room. The scenarios that rushed through my head, all of which ended with me taking his blood in my mouth, filled my mouth full of venom in anticipation of biting him... Luckily, his wife and children had come into the room just then, breaking into the darkness of my mind. Yes, that had been a very close call. Even now, I shivered to think of it.

High in the mountains now, I gulped fresh, pine-scented air hungrily into my lungs, using it to clear my head.

I had been a volunteer nurse now for just over two and a half months in a small town in Brazil. To my intense happiness, I found the work just as rewarding as I'd imagined, though the sadness I felt whenever we failed to save a life was so overwhelming that it was difficult to love the job sometimes. Truth be told, every death reminded me of Shauna, too, and I couldn't ever quite swallow down the guilt of having asked her to come to Volterra. However, no matter how rough the prior night and no matter how difficult the guilt was to bear, I was always, if not more, motivated to return to my work the very next day, and to save the next person. I took all of the shifts I could, eager to learn and to take advantage of my vampiric ability of not needing sleep. It got to the point that Dr. Silva forced me to take a day or two off here or there. I used my time off to pore over Portuguese language books. The doctors and many of the local residents here knew English well enough, but I knew that I could learn faster, communicate with more patients, and just generally be more respectful towards the people and culture here to learn the native language.

The doctors were kind enough to train me, grateful for an extra pair of hands as I told them that I was more than fine with minimal wage (anything that could cover my low flat fee). They also quickly recognized that despite the language barrier, I was rather good with patients. Of course, just as Carlisle had predicted, it was mostly because I could subtly use my ability to conjure dreams and send patients to a calm and soothing sleep or patients' visitors to a more relaxed state of mind.

Carlisle... While I thought of him every single day, I had, in fact, found that I could live and feel whole without him. These past months as a nurse, I felt more grounded than I had ever felt before, and I was endlessly determined to make medicine my career. I finally, in my life, felt a deep sense of purpose that helped me to define myself as a part of this world. Home was not a place, or a person. No. To me, home was wherever I could help people. It was a simple as that.

Yes, Carlisle, I have found a life of my own now, I thought to myself, and I have to say, as meager as it is, and though I've a long way to go before I've saved anywhere near as many patients as you have... I'm still proud of my life now. I feel like I've begun something that will always ground me, and remind me of who I am, even in a world without you.

Still, staring up at the glimmering stars, I imagined his golden eyes blinking down at me, always a little sorrowful, but so deeply compassionate and intelligent... Though I realized now that Carlisle was simply a person, one man, one vampire - not some ideal god-like figure who promised me home and love and acceptance all in one go, still, the more I saw of the world, the more I realized that Carlisle was special to me, not because he was my Creator, but simply and solely because of who he chose to be and the courageous way in which he lived his life and positively affected those around him.

Yes, though I had found my independence in a fundamental sense, when I thought of Carlisle, I still... wanted him. That part of me did not change. My feelings for him were just as strong as ever, if not stronger. Absence makes the heart grow fonder... I sighed. Too true. I miss you to pieces, Carlisle. I hope that you're doing well.

Another week later, when I returned home that night at Dr. Silva's insistence that I finally "get some rest," I found a card stuffed into my tiny mailbox. I frowned. Nobody knows that I'm here. Is this some electricity bill? But they usually deliver it straight to my room by sliding it under my door...

I flipped it over the card to see who it was from. Scrawled in beautiful calligraphy on the back of the envelope was the name: Alice Cullen.

Oh, I realized, she must have seen where I ended up. I shook my head, marveling at her incredible ability to see people's futures.

I opened the card, wondering what it was about. A single piece of cardstock fell out. It said:

In Loving Memory of: Shauna Black

Please join our service…

My throat closed up.

There was a note on it, in Alice's handwriting: The formal funeral already passed, but the tribal funeral will be happening on May 17th.

May 17th? That's in two days, I mused. Can I make it back in time? Well, I suppose if I run non-stop, I could.

What will I tell Dr. Silva? How many days will I have to miss?

In truth, it wasn't my job that worried me. I knew that I'd already proven my dedication to my job, thanks to my vampiric ability to go without sleep. No, if I was being honest, it was the guilt that was still overwhelming me. Oh, Shauna, I thought sorrowfully. I didn't even get to know you. But you came and saved us all.

I sighed. Of course I'm going, I realized. It's not really a question, is it? I don't care if I have to run the whole way or even if Dr. Silva fires me. Of course I'll be there.

Pocketing the card, I didn't allow myself even one second of further hesitation. Instead, I started running immediately, determined to make it in time to honor Shauna Black, just as she had bravely and selflessly run for me, to reach me in time to save my life and Carlisle's life in Volterra.