As reason clouds my eyes, with splendour fading. Illusions of the sunlight. Reflections of a lie keep me waiting. Love gone, for so long. And this day's ending is the proof of time killing all the faith I know, knowing that faith is all o hold. And I lost who I am and I can't understand why my heart is so broken from rejecting your love, without love gone wrong, lifeless words carry on but all I know, all I know is the end's beginning
15th February 2021
"Let's go home" Morgana whispered into Merlin's ear as she leant over his shoulder.
"Let's go home" Merlin agreed as he moved to go into the passenger seat, though opened the back seat door on Morgana's side first.
"Daddy!" Amhar beamed as he threw his arms up.
"Hi sweetie!" Merlin exclaimed as he hugged Amhar best he could with the straps.
"Actually, I should probably feed the baby" Morgana sighed as she heard a whimper from Alfie's car seat. "Then we head home?".
"That's okay" Merlin agreed as he unbuckled Amhar's car seat and squeezed himself into the middle seat.
"You better daddy?" Amhar asked.
"Yeah" Merlin smiled. "Daddy's getting better now. I'm sorry I shouted at you".
"It's okay" Amhar said as he puckered up his lips. "Kiss".
"Mwah" Merlin said as he kissed Amhar. "And Alfie! Hey buddy".
Alfie grinned and wriggled in his car seat as he sucked his dummy, spitting it out and opting to chew his hands instead.
"Right, milk time" Morgana declared as she rotated his car seat to the side and unstrapped him, getting into the passenger seat and taking her top off.
"Was the hopipal scary?" Amahr asked.
"A little bit" Merlin admitted.
"Daddy be brave" Amahr said. "My daddy is my hero".
"Amhar" Morgana smiled.
"Oh sweetie" Merlin wiped at a stray tear. How did he get so lucky?
"You da best" Amhar said as he touched Merlin's face.
"Oh, good news!" Morgana remarked.
"Oh yeah?" Merlin asked.
"Estate agents phoned, those people that were interested have decided to buy".
"Wait ... the flat's been sold!" Merlin gasped.
Morgana nodded eagerly. "The flat is going! So we're going to make a quick diversion to Camelot on the way home ... if that's okay? Or I could drop you home and have Leon come over if you don't want to stay alone or tag along".
"Morgana, it's okay" Merlin reassured her. "We'll head to the estate agents together. We actually sold it!".
"I know!" Morgana squealed. "I guess we ought to get house hunting then".
"I guess so" Merlin agreed with a grin. They waited for Alfie to finish his feed before the kids were strapped back into their car seats and they headed to the estate agents, Morgana headed over to the flat with Merlin and the kids, awkwardly lugging the car seat up the stairs (she insisted on doing it herself) while Merlin and Amhar trailed behind. They looked around the empty flat, having put all of Merlin and Morgana's old furniture into storage until they would need it again, probably keeping it for the new house.
"I can't believe that we've actually sold this place" Morgana sighed.
"I know" Merlin agreed. "I guess this is the beginning of a new chapter ... my sobriety, finding out forever home".
"It is indeed" Morgana agreed as she kissed her husband. After looking around one last time they headed over to the estate agents all together, sitting down in the chair at a table and handed over the keys.
"We're actually looking for a house in Camelot but can't seem to find anything good on Rightmove" Merlin said. "You don't happen to know of any, do you?".
"Any area in particular?" The estate agent asked.
"Ideally close to schools" Morgana said. "Four bedroom at least. If it's less than £300K then it'd be easier mortgage wise".
"I actually think I know one" the estate agent winked. She went on her computer and brought up a nice modern house with lovely light bricks and a huge driveway. "It's on Essetir road, £240,000 so well within budget".
"Oh my god" Morgana gasped and looked at Merlin.
"It's perfect" he whispered. "Now we just need to sell my flat and obviously view the house".
"Now we do" Morgana agreed with a small smile. "Thank you so much". They drove past Morgana's old flat once more and Camelot Grammar school before the headed home to William Jones, Morgana pulling up in her usual space outside her house.
"We're home" Morgana smiled as she kissed her husband.
"I'm glad" Merlin smiled. Morgana undid his seatbelt and headed over to Merlin's side, opening his door and then taking Alfie's seat out while Merlin got Amhar and his hospital bag out the boot. Morgana unlocked the door and the Emrys family headed in and took their shoes off, heading over to the kitchen for lunch.
"I'm afraid it's just cheesy pasta today" Morgana said as she boiled the water. "Didn't have time to make much".
"That's okay" Merlin smiled as he put Alfie in his highchair. "Rotating for a different food for the baby today?".
"We were supposed to" Morgana sighed. "I wanted to give him scrambled eggs, except I don't know how to make scrambled egg".
"Morgana Emrys" Merlin smirked. "You don't know how to make scrambled egg!".
"Shut up Merlin" Morgana muttered. "Yes, I can make most things except scrambled eggs".
"Oh dear" Merlin chuckled. "I guess I'll have to show you how to make them later".
"If you insist" Morgana muttered. While everyone else had penne pasta and cheese, Alfie had plain baby pasta that was tiny in the shape of shells which were put onto his tray for him to eat himself. After lunch they headed up to the bedroom for family snuggles as they hadn't had any in a few days. Amhar hadn't been sleeping well and was rather cranky so morgana was hoping to get him down for a nap too.
"It smells like Gwen's perfume" Merlin remarked. "Or am I going nose blind?".
"And Arthur's aftershave!" Morgana added. "Thank god, I'm not going crazy".
"Why would you think that?" Merlin asked as he slid into bed.
"I could smell it yesterday too ... I don't know. I think it's a sign of corona or something but I'm not sure ... Amhar said something too".
"What was it?" Merlin frowned.
"Last night when I was unsure on what was happening... waiting for updates from the hospital, I noticed that it smelt of them, even though they haven't had their perfume or anything opened in a while. Not even their perfume or aftershave, just the way they smell in general".
"I don't believe in ghosts..." Merlin said slowly. "But that's odd"
"I know" Morgana agreed. "Amhar randomly woke up, he was like talking to them. He said it was Dada Arwur and Mama Gwen. That you were in hospital and he wanted you to be better".
"You don't think they could... you know?" Merlin gestured to the ceiling.
"Watching over us?" Morgana smiled as she looked at the ceiling. "I think so. Like a guardian Angel perhaps".
"I think that's the case".
16th February 2021
"How do you make a scrambled egg again?" Morgana asked as she stared at the pan on the hob. She had an egg with some of her expressed milk ready for Alfie's egg and regular blue milk for Amhar's.
"Oh come on!" Merlin chuckled. "You have to know. You did DofE and all".
"Yeah, duhhh" Morgana said. "But still. I don't know how to make a scrambled egg".
"Okay, first try it how you think it's made. Then I'll show you if you got it wrong".
"Fine" Morgana sighed as Merlin got another pan out the cupboard. "But you're doing Alfie's".
"Deal" Merlin agreed. Morgana melted some butter in the pan and made it go around until it was covered. She then cracked the egg and put it into the pan, pouring a little bit of milk and stirring it with a wooden spatula. Once it looked like it was cooked Morgana scraped it all to one side and put it into a paw patrol bowl.
"Not bad" Merlin remarked as he broke a tiny bit off and ate it. "Not bad at all. Though, this is how you really do it". Merlin put two tablespoons of milk and one egg into a measuring cup, whisking it together with a fork. He got some more butter and melted it into a clean pan, then added the egg mixture and stirred it until it had coagulated together and was cooked.
"This is amazing!" Morgana remarked as she ate a tiny bit of it. "It's so good".
"Glad you think so" Merlin smirked. "Pancakes for lunch?".
"Of course" Morgana agreed as she sat down with her coffee. "It is shrove Tuesday, pancake day after all".
"Mum makes the best ones, so I assume we'll get her to do them?". After Merlin had been released from hospital it was agreed that Hunith would come over for the half term to help out. This week was half term with no school for the week, then Merlin would decide on a course of action with his doctor (likely not working until the 8th of March, the day that schools would return to in-person teaching). Merlin and Morgana were struggling so decided to take up Hunith's offer to come and help out. They'd all agreed that an air mattress in Amhar's room would be the best course of action as usual when Merlin's parents would come to stay, though Balinor was still at work so opted to remain at home. Hunith arrived shortly before lunch and they all ate before she made their pancakes for them, the best ones ever in Merlin, Morgana and Amhar's opinion. For Alfie they were his first ever pancakes, he had a small one ripped up with some banana slices that he loved.
After lunch, Hunith decided that she'd take Amhar out (Morgana still didn't want to leave Alfie just yet) to allow Merlin and Morgana some time together.
"Could I have a pram or something for him?" Hunith asked as she wrapped her scarf around her.
"Let me get it out the car" Morgana said as she grabbed the Cosatto and unfolded it, rather easy to do given it was an umbrella fold stroller though not as easy as the travel buggy they had.
"The red thing on the wheels is the brake, handles can adjust up and down, unzip this if he falls asleep and then the little strap at the back can lay him down, obviously he needs strapping in" Merlin listed.
"Merlin, I'll be able to figure it out" Hunith chuckled. "I did raise you after all".
"Sorry mum" Merlin blushed.
"Anyway, I'll be heading out. Good luck and see you all soon". Amhar and Hunith said their goodbyes before they headed out the door and Merlin and Morgana locked it, sitting at the kitchen table with Alfie so they could commence their doctor zoom call. They had to tell DVLA about Merlin's problem and he couldn't drive for six months at a minimum, getting the form done and sending it off which was rather emotional. He had detoxed by now rather well apart from the occasional shakes that he would get when he was hungry, so like she did with Alfie Morgana would make sure that Merlin was fed on demand (with food instead, of course). Merlin and Morgana were also offered six sessions of couple counselling, which while they had pondered about it for a while ultimately declined as the numbers were looking somewhat promising for lockdown to be ending soon. Merlin was also pointed in the direction of Camelot's Alcoholics Anonymous meetings which would take place virtually every Wednesday at eight o'clock. Alfie had a nap in his cot for the first time, Morgana and Merlin looked at each other with a slight glint in their eyes.
"Baby's napping" Morgana grinned.
"My mum's not home" Merlin smirked.
"Right, quick! Let's go!" Morgana giggled. She ran over to the bathroom and locked herself in, wiping her legs and then applying lot of lotion followed by foam and dry shaving them followed by her arm pits while Merlin quickly freshened himself up, found some condoms (Morgana hated the pill) and lay himself in the bed. He reached under the pillow and found lots of random muslin squares, the odd clean baby wipe, toys, a couple of dummies and one or two comforters which were immediately thrown out of the bed and onto the floor. Morgana briefly looked at herself in the mirror, her scars had faded as luckily she hadn't gone too deep and she still had quite a few stretch marks on her stomach and butt, the slight smell of breast milk too. She quickly wiped herself down and sprayed herself with perfume and slipped a black chemise with a matching lacy thong on.
"Well, hello" Morgana smirked as she waltzed out the bathroom, her hand on her thigh.
"Hey" Merlin grinned.
"Well, you look sexy" Morgana purred.
"As do you" Merlin responded.
"We have at least half an hour, so we can take our time" Morgana smirked as she pounced onto Merlin. They decided to go slow, given that no one was in the house and Alfie had just gone down for a nap and was known to sleep for at least a good forty-five minutes. Unfortunately for them right as Morgana and Merlin screamed out, the front door had opened and they heard Hunith enter the house with Amhar.
"I thought we had more time" Merlin groaned as he leant against the headrest.
"So did I" Morgana muttered as she got out of bed and cleaned herself up, grabbed a nursing tank top and put it on with a hoodie on top, alongside Merlin's tracksuit bottoms. "Take your time, I'll go see if everything's okay". She pressed a kiss to Merlin's forehead and then went down the stairs finding a grumpy looking Amhar using his pitiful pout on his grandma and a frazzled looking Hunith.
"Everything okay?" Morgana asked as she plastered a rather fake smile on her face. It wasn't that she wasn't happy to see them, though the timing was rather annoying as she'd expected them to be out for at least another hour (and the weather was nice!).
"The buggy broke!" Hunith sighed exasperatedly as she turned the buggy, where the pole connecting the handle and the wheel had snapped. "Oh ... we didn't .. interrupt, did we?".
Morgana shook her head slightly.
"Sorry!" Hunith apologised profusely. "I'll let you get on with it, entertain Amhar".
"Thank you" Morgana blushed as she went upstairs.
"Is everything okay?" Merlin asked as Morgana came back in and closed the door, leaning against it.
"The buggy broke" Morgana sighed.
"We're going to be forever celibate" Merlin muttered.
"The mileage on my car is rather high too and the boot is small so I'm hoping to get a new one".
"Did mum say anything?".
"She was rambling slightly then realised it how it is... that was so awkward!". Morgana looked to where Merlin was on the baby monitor, Alfie beginning to stir in his cot. Some things would remain the same, though everything was changing. The end of lockdown was beginning, Merlin being sober and Morgana remaining clean.