Chapter Thirty

The cool of the water in the swimming pool kissed Jiraiya's face as he glided in chase of his sensei's grandson. While Konohamaru had pretty decent form, Jiraiya would normally have swam circles around him. I still could if I had full use of this blasted arm! As he stroked, he stole a view of the scar on the right arm from where Pain ran it through. Be glad you still have it, another inch toward midline he would have gone clean through the bone, and the arm would be gone right now! Jiraiya shivered at the thought. Had the arm been lost, he probably wouldn't have made it out alive. On top of the injury to the arm, he had three broken ribs and a partially collapsed lung on the right side. For a young man in his prime, it would have been hard to recover in the field. For a man in the midst of middle age, that kind of injury in the field was usually fatal.

He breached the surface, the morning sun beginning to warm exposed skin as he clung to the edge of the pool beside Konohmaru. It's going to be a hot one… Jiraiya's thought was cut off by the side of a lovely female form lounging out on a deck chair before him. Her body was tight and shapely, chiseled by years of physical activity on top of already being a sex goddess, and her beauty was accented by her steel-blonde hair hanging in a ponytail playfully to the side. The cream-colored swimsuit hid little and teased Jiraiya's active imagination with what she looked like without the suit. It helps that you've seen the body underneath, many times. He grinned as he admired his wife-to-be.

"About 106 centimeters if I had to guess," Konohamaru rubbed his chin as he scrutinized Tsunade like a gallery owner appraising a painting, "although a bit old for my liking."

"You little pervert!" Jiraiya playfully splashed Konohamaru.

"It takes one to know one!" he playfully splashed back. "And I did say she was bit old for my liking."

"Konohamaru…" Tsunade stirred from her sunbathing slumber.

"Yes?" he asked.

"Just remember, being my sensei's grandson does not make you immune to me drowning you in that pool! And I seem to remember you'll be due for your shots for your coming Chunin Exam."

Konohamaru swallowed with an audible gulp, "Yes, ma'am!"

"And just remember, I'm the one who decides if you take the five jabs in the arm or YOUR ASS!" she yelled. Tsunade paused for a moment, returning to her low rumble of a voice, "So if you're a fan of having your ass used as a pin cushion, go ahead and keep commenting about my age." Tsunade smiled unnervingly.

"I just remembered, I left something on the other side of the pool!" Konohamaru kicked off and submerged as he darted away.

"Magnificent performance," Jiraiya pressed himself up against the pool, using his left arm considerably to heave himself onto the deck, "I commend you on your expert parenting skills!" he winked.

"I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, Jiraiya," she sprawled out on the deck chair, "Getting knocked up was not one of them!" Tsunade rubbed her temples. "Losing Dan was bad enough; I can't imagine losing him and carrying his child around."

"I can only vaguely image what it must have been like for you," he shook his head, "I know how bad it ached sitting in that barn, praying that I'd see you again one day, slowly losing hope." Jiraiya sighed deeply, "I'm so sorry for the pain I caused you."

"You can make it up to me by massaging my feet," Tsunade smirked. "All the same, it's amazing having you back, and to think, we'll be married this time next month!"

Jiraiya began pressing his thumbs into the pads of her feet, "Indeed," he smiled, "By the way, how are you feeling?"

"Tired, achy," she groaned as he worked her tired feet. Tsunade had not felt well on the day they left, and Jiraiya had serious considered calling off the trip. However, Tsunade argued it was probably the food at Mount Myoboku, even the preserved stuff Minato had dropped off for them, causing her to feel sick as of late. Between the warm desert air and the improved meal last night, Tsunade had largely been back to herself last night.

"After the meeting is over this afternoon, I say we both get a massage and relax this evening, skip the social affairs," he grinned.

"You just want to get in between the sheets with me again, horny toad!" she protested with a laugh. "Not that it wasn't enjoyable!" I am one lucky bastard! Jiraiya wondered what research they could perform tonight for their next book.

"Are we going to have to separate you two?" Naruto's voice called from the edge of the pool deck. He wore black swim shorts and Hinata walked beside him wearing a swimsuit similar to Tsunade's, except the girl also had a peach cover that highlighted the girl's shapely legs while doing only so much to hide the rest of her body. The boy is a man of culture! Jiraiya grinned, proud of the man his grandson wa becoming.

"Good morning to you, too, grandson," he winked, "sleep well?" He baited his grandson. Part of the reason Tsunade and he were out here this morning was Konohmaru still needed a lifeguard. The boy had already tried waking Minato, Kushina, Hinata, and Naruto to no avail. Little imagination was needed as to why the couples were sleeping in. However, Tsunade and he were early risers, even after a wild night, and they had been glad to watch their sensei's grandson.

"Great!" Naruto stretched out, accenting his toned form. Between the display and Hinata's gentle blush, only an idiot would miss the fact that Naruto had gotten laid last night.

"If you two keep this up," he winked, "you're going to have to get married before we do!"

"Jiraiya!" Tsunade scolded.

"I hope I'm not interrupting," the soft voice of Kazekage Gaara spoke entering the pool area. I thought we could have breakfast on the terrace near here," he gestured to the space behind them. "When you all are ready, of course."

"I'm game," Jiraiya said.

"Famished," Tsunade sat up, steadying herself.

"Sure thing," Naruto squeezed Hinata's hand, "we can swim afterwards." He turned to look out at the pool, "Konohmaru, breakfast!" he hollered. The younger boy swam eagerly to the edge and emerged from the water.

The group turned to walk up to the terrace when Jiraiya heard a strained voice, "J-Jiraiya!" Tsunade clutched her stomach and staggered.

"Tsunade!" he ran to side, steadying her from what looked like a significant dizziness spell. "Honey, what's wrong!"

"Oh god," she turned away from him in time to vomit her guts up. She kneeled over.

"Steady her back onto the chair!" Hinata yelled. Jiraiya helped Tsunade down, careful to keep her head over her knees.

"Konohamaru, get Sakura!" Naruto commanded.

Terror filled Jiraiya. He remembered it too well, the feeling that he had when he knew he'd never see Tsunade again. "Honey, just hang on, Sakura is on her way!"

"Jiraiya," she spat out nastiness, and her eyes unfocused, "I feel so strange!" Tsunade collapsed to his shoulder.

The infirmary at the Oasis was hardly Konoha Hospital, however, it was well-stocked with all essentials for life-saving care and even management of common health conditions. Sakura had just gotten out of the shower and had put on her swimsuit when Konohamaru began beating on the door to her room, telling her that Tsunade was incredibly ill. Sakura had quickly thrown on sweatpants, a t-shirt, and grabbed her medical bag.

"Tsunade, how are you feeling?" Sakura asked as she checked Tsunade's vitals while she lay back on the exam table.

"Hungry, I purged whatever I had left from last night, and I probably have the shakes as a result of low blood sugar."

"I've got you on saline and dextrose," she gestured to the IV in Tsunade's arm, "until we establish what is going on. Did you eat anything you can think of that no one else ate or drank last night?"

"Nothing," the older medical-nin rubbed her eyes against a headache.

"Have you been feeling sick prior to today?"

"Last few days – intermittent nausea and occasional vomiting. It comes and goes," she explained.

"Any other symptoms, diarrhea, bloody urine, anything?"

"Light body ache and fatigue, but that's about it."

"Have you had any alcohol recently?" Sakura knew Tsunade until recently drank with regular frequency.

"All but stopped the last few weeks," she shrugged, "After Jiraiya came back, there were no more nightmares to keep at bay. Plus, it wasn't easy to take with to Mount Myoboku."

Sakura reviewed the chart, looking for food allergies and other known health problems. She closed the chart in frustration. Tsunade was in her mid-fifties, but the regenerative nature of her mix of Senju and Uzumaki blood and the restoration jutsu she used near constantly kept her physically no older than thirty. "You didn't drink the local tap water."

"Only bottled," she replied.

"Anything unusual in your diet at Mount Myoboku?"

"Nothing Jiraiya and I didn't share, but I admit, the conditions are quite rustic out there."

Sakura proceeded to do the physical exam that she had practiced for over three years of apprenticeship with Tsunade and could by now do in her sleep. A quick check of head, ears, nose, and throat yielded no helpful signs; thankfully, it yielded no signs of poison, infection, or other internal issues. Tsunade's heart and lungs yielded even less on thoracic exam.

What surprised Sakura even more was the dearth of anything on abdominal exam. Tsunade's kidneys were not sensitive, nor were the area of her actual stomach, pancreas, or liver. The only area that even remotely showed sensitivity was the suprapubic region. Something is off. Sakura pulled out her stethoscope from her bag and listened in all four quadrants and then all nine regions of the abdomen. Aside from normal intestinal sounds, she heard nothing. "Tsunade, has it been burning or painful when you urinate?"

"No, why?"

"Is it painful during intercourse?" she asked, not thinking. "I-I'm sorry…"

"Don't be, you're a medical-nin, Sakura; you're supposed to ask these questions." Tsuande paused, "It hasn't been… you think I have a genitourinary issue?"

"The suprapubic region the only area in your abdomen showing any sign of tenderness, I should perform a pelvic exam." Sakura reached for a pair of gloves.

"Spare an old lady; let's wait on the lab work," she sighed. "At least I'm feeling better after getting rehydrated.

The door to the exam room burst open, Kushina carrying several printouts. "Sakura, I think we need to have a chat." Kushina's expression was haunted. Sakura took the charts from Kushina and eyed the results, startled by what she saw. NOT POSSIBLE!

"Well don't keep me in suspense!" Tsunade quipped.

"Ts-Tsunade," Sakura eyed her master, heart in her throat over what she was about to ask, "have you been supplementing with anything, especially recently?"

"No, everything is in the chart I gave you. No meds, nothing more that a daily multivitamin."

"Tsunade, are you supplementing with anything not prescribed?" Kushina asked, "Women of a certain age use certain substances to stay young…"

"DON'T SAY ONE GODDAMN WORD ABOUT MY AGE, KUSHINA!" Tsunade erupted like a volcano. "Wait a…" A terrified realization came over Tsunade's coppery eyes. "What the hell would make you ask that question?"

"Tsunade," Sakura handed her the printout, "blood and urine test for human chorionic gonadotropin hormone were extremely elevated." She stared at her sensei, "Tsunade, have you had unprotected sex with anyone other than Jiraiya recently?"

"It's not possible, I'm too old!" tears leaked from her eyes and she covered her mouth.

"The tests don't lie, Tsunade, nor does morning sickness," Kushina said, "You're pregnant, and I'm assuming Jiraiya is the father."

The statement froze Tsunade, and her large, coppery eyes grew wide to critical mass, "JIRAIYA YOU ASSHOLE!"

"Aaahhh-chooo!" Jiraiya sneezed as the group, now including Minato, Shikamaru, Temari, and Kankaro waited outside the infirmary.

"You know, Dad," Minato quipped, "they say if you sneeze that much, someone is talking bad about you." It was a cheap attempt at keeping him calm, but Jiraiya appreciated it, nevertheless.

There was a loud, almost explosive shout, and Sakura slipped out through the door, heaving violently. Her terrified jade eyes locked with Jiraiya, "I think, Lady Tsunade wants to talk!"

"About?" he asked.

"You'll see!" she whimpered, back bracing the door, "but you might want to take everyone with you to keep you safe!"

"Dad," Minato's voice rose in irritation, "you haven't strayed from the herd, have you?"

"NO!" he protested.

"Sakura," Naruto asked, "He didn't give her the clap, did he?"

"Worse," she looked mortified.

"Worse?" Minato, Naruto, Shikamaru, Konohamaru, and Jiraiya said in unison.

"You'll see," she opened the door and reluctantly walked inside.

As Jiraiya followed, so did everyone else. On the exam table was a sobbing mass that resembled Tsunade. "Babe," he approached like he was approaching a hungry lioness, "what's wrong?!"

"Stop calling me that!" she shouted through tears.

"Yikes, bite my head off!"

"You planned this, didn't you! You were afraid I'd get cold feet and stand you up at the alter!"

"Honey," he put his hands up in defense. "what are you talking about?!"

"I'M PREGNANT, JIRAIYA!" she shouted, and Jiraiya's heart skipped several beats.

"Pr-pregnant?!" his voice shook in his throat. "I-I'm?" he pointed to himself.

"You're the only one I've been doing it with! Of course, you're the father!"

Father… The words had terrified Jiraiya throughout his misspent adulthood. Baby, father, mother, pregnant! My god! I'm going to be a father! "Ts-Tsunade! That's great news!" he beamed.

"Jiraiya," she sobbed, Kushina holding her arm, "I'm too old to be a mom! I drink too much! I'm irresponsible when gambling!"

"You're uncontrollably violent," Konohamaru added with a snort.

"I'm uncontrollably viol—SHUT UP YOU LITTLE SNOT-NOSED BRAT!" Even Jiraiya recoiled as she shouted.

"Konohamaru, you should run," Naruto suggested, and the boy agreed, running for his life.

Tsunade buried her face in her hands, crying with the same intensity he'd seen when Dan died. There was no call for anyone to leave, but slowly, wordlessly, everyone else hit the door until it was just Jiraiya and Tsunade. "Ts-Tsunade…" his words came out a whimper.

"What?" she said full of dejection.

"Does this…" he choked against the lump in his throat, "… does this mean…" he swallowed hard, beginning to cry, himself, "you… you don't want to have my baby?"

"Jiraiya…" she sobbed, "… I didn't mean it like that!" She snatched his arm and began sobbing into her sleeve. "I'm just… scared, Jiraiya!"

"So am I," he shook his head. "There is someone inside you, and it's not me for a change!" he chuckled, praying she didn't kill him.

"Ha!" she laughed through tears, "You asshole; you would worry about that!" They both broke into nervous laughter. "Jiraiya," she took his hand and pressed it on her stomach, "there is a baby in here!" She stared with moist, coppery eyes, "Your baby!"

"Ours, our baby," he corrected, rubbing her tummy. "I guess, this means it's a good thing we're getting married soon." His hands migrated up her stomach to her breast, "Although, this sucks."

"What?"

He massaged her breast gently, "I'm going to have to share the 106 centimeters now," he changed to mock-whining, "I'm no good at sharing!"

"Ha!" she wiped her tears, "I'm no good at being a mom."

"You'll have Kushina and Akemi to teach you," he kissed again.

"You two realize that's what go you into this situation in the first place," Minato spoke from the door.

"Sorry son, but looks like you're demoted to stepson!" Jiraiya chuckled.

"So, the wedding is still on?"

"You bet your ass it is," Tsunade took Jiraiya's hand off her breast and squeezed his hand, "Hopefully I won't need my dress altered further by then. Did Sakura tell you all when I was due?"

"She estimates sometime in January, possibly around the eleventh."

"Minato, what about…"

"Forget the war, Jiraiya, you'll both be sitting it out this time."

"I still insist on keeping up training with Naruto," Jiraiya said.

"You're still supposed to be dead, too," Tsunade said. "How do we make this work?"

"Given the sensitive nature of Jiraiya's survival and your pregnancy, I suggest you consider joining him at Mount Myoboku for a while, call it a leave of absence from the Hospital. Surely, Shizune can take over for now?"

"She definitely is qualified," she nodded, turning to Jiraiya, "I suppose the fresh air will do the child well." Tsunade rubbed her belly.

"What about prenatal care?" Jiraiya asked, "The toad sages aren't exactly well known for delivering children, much less caring for pregnant women."

"Perhaps," Minato rubbed his chin, "I can talk to Akemi; she's a midwife and almost fully trained as a medical-nin."

"I'll talk to her," Tsunade replied, "she needn't be with me full time, and I'm sure she'd prefer to keep watch on her daughter and her son-in-law."

"You do realize Naruto and Hinata are not yet married, right?" Jiraiya hoped the shock of being pregnant hadn't confused her that badly.

"With how the two of them have been catting around lately," she playfully stuck out her tongue, "they will be, soon, and the two of you will be called 'grandpa'!"

"I'm still grappling with the fact that I'm going to have someone calling me daddy," Jiraiya grinned, as his eyes traced to Tsunade, "other than you, of course!"

Minato threw his hands up and turned pink as he laughed nervously, "Dad, way too much information!" Even Tsunade laughed at the inappropriate comment. Jiraiya's heart had run the full gauntlet of panic, excitement, dread, and no relief in the past hour. The adventure of Jiraiya the Wanderer is over, but I guess it's time to write the story of Jiraiya the Father!

Author's notes: Hello everyone, and thank you for reading. Sorry the chapter was so short this week. I had an insane week at work, and some of it is following me home this weekend (ugh!). I hope you enjoyed the chapter, and I promise next week will have a longer one. For anyone interested in a chance to influence story, I'll be including a poll on my profile to let you all to vote on the child Jiraiya and Tsunade are expecting - boy, girl, or a variety of twins. I'll keep the poll open through next Saturday. Until then, stay classy, stay safe, and stay healthy, wherever you are in the world.

-Adam