After a rainy day, there would always be sun or a rainbow or whatever these types of wise saying would suggest. It didn't necessarily take much to understand them, sometimes things didn't work out, sometimes it was rough, but things would get better. More often than not, our perception of what's good and bad or pleasant and unpleasant is faked out by ourselves. Not that people lie to themselves on purpose, it's just that we get used to, accustomed to our current situation. When we're on the upside, any kind of sudden stop is considered bad, and the same goes the other way, when we're incredibly low, it's not hard to find some positives. Perhaps the grass being greener on the other side also refers to this? Maybe.
Regardless, Weiss never liked these types of sayings precisely because it was just that. It was mostly just our own brains doing this to us. Still, if she had to apply this to her current situation? Well, she hoped for a rainbow after this rainy situation she got herself into. With the sudden sickness and having to vaccinate Ruby and all that, she hoped that once they were reunited things would be fine, at least for a little while. Yet, here she was. It might have stopped raining, but the clouds were still there and at this point? At this point, she might as well get struck by lightning. Metaphorically speaking, of course. Hopefully.
"Ruby." She called out through the door. They were locked and she didn't blame the girl, after the sudden outburst on her part. "I'm sorry." She added after a moment. She wasn't really sure what to say or what to do. "Please, can we talk? Not like this, not through doors. I... I want to explain. Please."
There was no reaction. No words, nothing. Weiss wasn't sure what to do anymore. Should she call Yang? Blake? Should they come over? And then what? How would she explain anything? Besides, how much could she rely on those two when it came to dealing with her new life with Ruby. She felt pathetic. This was way more than she could keep up with at this point.
As if reading her mind, the door to the bathroom unlocked, at which point Weiss stared at the door handle. What should she do? What could she even do in a situation like this? Still, she was allowed inside which was... An improvement? It didn't really feel that way, that's for sure.
Entering the small bathroom, she noticed Ruby sitting on the floor, under the wall that was next to the door. With her knees up, she sat tightly hugging her legs, her head turned the other way. She was still naked, which meant she had to just lock herself in and sit down like that after that... Well, incident. Or maybe it was out of spite? No, that... That wouldn't be the case. It couldn't.
Closing the door behind her, she sat down next to the dog girl. Even if the floor was still wet, that was the least of Weiss' worries. "I'm sorry." Weiss started, repeating her apology from before. "I guess that's not what you expected when you came back." Weiss let out a small sigh. Doing the same that Ruby did, and that was to pull her legs up, not undress, Weiss rested her chin on her knees. "I'm terrible at this, I know. You can't believe how often I think that... Maybe it would be better if Yang could figure something out if only to avoid these types of situations." Weiss rested her forehead against her arms as if hiding herself. She just felt defeated at this point. "Maybe even get a place that would allow keeping two Faunus. I'm better left alone, so I don't... I don't mess things up like this."
There was a sigh coming from Ruby, and as Weiss felt movement, she noticed that Ruby stood up. She couldn't help but turn her eyes to the side as she was reminded of the dog girl's state. Still, the redhead extended her hand towards her, which, while confusing, Weiss accepted. After all, Ruby didn't say anything, just... Did this. Once she stood up, she felt the dog girl grab her shoulders and pin her arms against the wall behind her suddenly. She didn't get closer or anything, she just pinned her like that. "Do you really think that's the problem?" Ruby asked angrily, baring her teeth, a rare situation where she was reminded how much sharper her teeth seemed, together with the clearly visible canines. The fear of this sudden shift in Ruby's mood had to be painted all over Weiss' face, as the dog girl noticed it, she released the human girl's shoulders, her eyes glancing to the side as the previous vigor and energy were gone from her silver eyes. "I'll go dress up." She mumbled and moved to leave the bathroom, leaving baffled Weiss behind.
Was Ruby being aggressive? No, that wasn't it. Of course not. Weiss remembered when she bit her out of frustration, this was... Different. Of course, it was. There were words involved, for one. Ruby was angry at her and for the first time, it showed. She had all the rights to be mad, that wasn't really what surprised Weiss. Her reaction wasn't just anger. It was... Exhaustion. Was she tired of Weiss acting the way she did? Did the dog girl endure it so far to see if she would improve? Was that it? Perhaps... Perhaps it was time to play open cards. Time and time again it was proven that Ruby was smart enough to understand more and more. Time and time it was proven to Weiss that she just took the girl to be way dumber than she really was. This just proved what terrible... Owner? No, what was the word that Yang and Blake used? Partner? Well, it was good enough. She was a terrible partner for Ruby.
Leaving the bathroom, Weiss noticed that Ruby was mostly clothed by now, which meant she didn't just stand in the bathroom like an idiot for too long. "Can we talk? I mean, I really want to explain myself. I think it's important."
Ruby who was about to put on a hoodie, froze for a moment, before continuing what she was doing. "Mh-hm."
Taking a deep breath, Weiss wanted to clear her mind. Ruby's response was understandable, she was in a bad mood, and at the same time, what could she say? This was a prime opportunity to be snappy, yet the girl wasn't. Be it by choice or accident? Weiss liked to think it was because the girl chose not to be. Taking a seat on the edge of the bed, Weiss closed her eyes for a second. "The reason I yelled at you was that... Because I'm struggling with something for a while now." Done with her clothes, Ruby turned to face her. Weiss read this as a good sign since the girl was eager to hear her out. "It's a desire to do something." Weiss gulped at that, feeling her throat grow dry. "Something bad, something awful. Something that would ruin your life, your future life, any hopes that you could... Achieve something. It would also mess things for me." Weiss let out a deep sigh. "It would ruin both of our lives if I acted upon those desires."
"What kind of desires?" There was concern now on Ruby's face, this alone made Weiss' lip curve upward slightly, not enough to form a smile, but it was enough for the white-haired girl to notice.
"Lustful desires." Weiss shook her head. "That's why when I saw you naked I panicked because recently I... Things were culminating. With those feelings being persistent and your new school asking about you, it all made a mess inside my head."
"Asking about me? Did I do something bad? I thought the old lady liked me." Ruby's ears went down at that, after all, no matter how much she could act angry, Ruby was still the same. This was a relief for Weiss. "You didn't do anything bad, they are just concerned about your past. They were asking if... If your past owner wasn't bad to you."
"S-She wasn't! I swear! I loved her and..." Ruby paused as she noticed that she was getting railed up by the topic of her past owner, of Summer. "...And I miss her."
"I believe you and I think they will too, it's just that they have to ask these types of questions." Weiss let out a small sigh. "Regardless, it just made me think about... You know, being awful and such." Weiss once more shook her head. "I'm sorry."
Ruby opened her mouth as if she wanted to say something, but closed it shortly after, her eyes moved to the side as something new blossomed on top of her previous thoughts, whatever those could be. "I'll go take a shower, a proper one and... And we can continue, yes? I just... I need to think about it for a moment."
"If you need a moment to yourself I can go take a walk? I mean, you just got dressed." Weiss stood up, already wondering where she would go to give the girl some time.
"N-No, no, it's fine. I actually wanted to take a shower, so um... Two birds with one thing, right?" Ruby tried to smile, albeit it felt forced and awkward.
"One stone." Weiss corrected her and rubbed her neck. "Alright, go ahead, I'll wait."
Moving back to the bathroom, Ruby paused before she disappeared inside. "Could you make something? I mean, to drink. Something warm, tea?"
"Sure, I can do that." Without looking back at the redhead, Weiss moved towards the kitchen area.
oooOOOooo
Weiss wasn't in the mood for tea, if anything she could go for the blackest coffee ever imagined. Yet she prepared two cups of the bitter concoction made out of leaves, making sure one of them was extra sweet. Then there was her wondering if she should have waited with making it. Ruby liked to spend a bit under the shower and there was nothing sadder than a cup of cold tea. Maybe she hoped that Ruby would consider this important enough to just get done with her shower as fast as possible? Or just sitting here idly and wait was a fate that Weiss tried to avoid at all cost.
These thoughts filled her head as she sat at the table set in the kitchen area of the small apartment. They felt so shallow when compared to the current issue at hand, but what was there to think about? Would Ruby consider her a freak and will want to arrange for something? Live with someone else? Maybe with Yang or even agree to go to the pound? No, considering how afraid the girl was of it when they first met...
Weiss nearly jumped out of her chair when she heard the doors to the bathroom open. From it emerged Ruby, still using a towel to dry her hair. While Weiss got used to there being a comfortable silence between them, right now it was the most painful thing. She tried to think of something casual to bring up, ask or say just to get rid of that silence. Yet there was nothing she felt brave enough to say.
Glancing her way, Ruby's expression quickly turned into a worried frown. "I-I didn't scare you, right? With what I did earlier?" The dog girl asked as she approached the table.
"Huh? No, you're fine." Weiss shook her head.
"You look scared." Ruby commented, which sounded so casually. Weiss instinctively glanced at herself, as if she could see any kind of fear on her clothes.
"I guess I am." She admitted. "But it goes far beyond anything as simple as you pushing me against a wall." She added with a fake smile.
Ruby eyed her for a moment, before taking a seat at the opposite end of the square table. She brought the cup closer to herself and glanced at the dark liquid. "Is it about what you told me?"
"It's admitting to something... Problematic. Something shameful. If I had more control over myself, I wouldn't even tell you in the first place." Weiss lowered her head and focused on the cup of tea between her hands.
"Why not? I thought you wanted to... You wanted us to be friends." Ruby's question pierced through her. Friends, that was something she wanted them to be. But how could you be friends with someone when inside of you is a lustful predator, fighting for control each time you're in a moment of weakness.
"Because you..." Weiss began.
"...Wouldn't understand." Ruby finished for her, sounding disappointed. "I'll admit, I don't fully understand it, but I think I should, shouldn't I?" Ruby paused for a moment, before continuing. "You think I'm upset with you because of it, right? Because of you yelling at me and the reason for it."
Weiss frowned at that and raised her eyes to look at Ruby. "Isn't that why we're having this talk?"
Ruby grimaced and glanced to the side. "Yes and no." The dog girl said and remained silent after that.
Weiss wasn't sure at first if there was anything else the girl would say, as the silence continued, she decided to finally break it. "I'm not sure I understand. Ruby, if you're upset with me about something else, just... Tell me."
Ruby slammed her fists against the table, starling Weiss. "I'm mad because you're not treating this as our problem. I'm mad because everything is your problem, it's always your problem." Ruby paused, perhaps realizing how worked up she got, giving herself a moment to calm down, but not yet finish her rant. "I know that things won't go back to how they were for me. I accepted that... That I had to move on, that this was how my life would be like from now on. No longer perfect, no longer sheltered, and... And with a lot of issues, a lot of problems." Ruby suddenly stood up. "And I accept it. I accept that we're living together and we'll face a lot of problems." While her silver eyes were drilled into Weiss, it was at that point, that the dog girl glanced to the side. "You think all of this is your problem, but it isn't. Let's be honest, I'm the problem. I'm the reason all of this happened." Ruby's eyes once more focused on Weiss, who was just sitting, mesmerized by the Faunus girl before her. "I talked with Yang when I was at her place. She didn't tell me what to do or what to think. She just told me about how you were before you had to be bothered by me. She also told me about her and Blake, how they came to live together and that our problems aren't special." Ruby sat back down, but with her side to the table. Her livid voice calming down, now merely a whisper in comparison. "If you want to treat me like a pet, that's fine. You can handle problems by yourself, I can just... Exist. Trying to ease any kind of frustration or whatever you'd expect me to be or do." The dog girl glanced to her side, at Weiss. "But I want you to... To at least be honest with me about it." She took a deep breath. "We either face problems together or... Or you can do whatever you want. I'll accept it. I don't have a choice."
It was odd to see this. In a way it was... Beautiful? Well, perhaps in some morbid capacity. Perhaps if it wasn't because of an argument or something negative, this could be considered a thing of beauty, for Ruby to finally open up like that. Through all this time, it wasn't because of her limitations, but merely because she was... Afraid? Maybe. Not of her, but of the new life that was opened before her.
Still, that wasn't the issue at hand. The issue wasn't even the recent thing that happened, not even the motivation behind it. No, the issue was how Weiss treated their lives. To admit to such a thing, that from now on it was their lives, and act as if things were just her issue and Ruby was a goal somewhere at the end. As if her happiness was an end goal in solving a problem as if things working out between them was some sort of victory achievable for herself.
She felt the tears trail down her cheeks, and as much as she wanted to, she couldn't stop her sobs. She leaned away from the table and clutched her hands to her chest. She couldn't do anything right. "W-Weiss? Weiss!" Ruby called out to her as she stood up and got closer to her. "I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to... To say it like that."
The Schnee wanted to say something, push out any kind of sentence or even a word past her lips, but it felt as if someone tied a knot around her throat. Seeing the frustrating state in which Weiss found herself in, Ruby crouched next to her and offered her a hug. Weiss accepted it, hugging the dog girl back, which released all that the girl tried to hold in, as she began to openly cry into the dog girl's arm.
Even without the earlier accident, this would be enough to make Weiss break. This alone reached deep into something she already struggled with, something she knew she couldn't leave behind. Her selfishness. Inability to treat others as living beings. The curse of the Schnee.
Her mind blessed her with emptiness as she continued to cry. All the thoughts and worries slowly vanished, as her brain seemed to just focus on the girl in her arms and the simple, physical sensation that she felt at the moment. The warmth, softness, smell. How tightly she held the girl, and how she held her back. All the things that her mind would usually sum up as a whole, right now she assessed one by one, just to escape the reality. Even if for a while.
Even as her tears ran out, she still continued to sob. Ruby bravely endured the awkward position she was in, holding Weiss close. Only when it felt as if the girl got it all out of her system, the dog girl decided to speak. "Let's move to the bed." She suggested, to which Weiss nodded. With the help of the Faunus, the white-haired girl stood up and they relocated onto the bed, where they sat on the edge of the bed.
"I'm sorry, it's just... It's just the way I am. Selfish." Was the first thing that Weiss said to break up the silence. What else was there to be said? She messed up. Big times. Not just today but the problem was always there and she wasn't even aware of it.
Ruby just groaned at that. "Ugh, Weiss, you dummy." At that, the dog girl gently grasped her cheeks and made her look at her. "You're not selfish, you saved me. For that, I am forever grateful. I just... I just want to become a part of your life, as much as you became part of my life." At that, Ruby smiled. Genuine, even if small, smile. Truly a rainbow that Weiss was waiting for today. "I know that... That I'm a bit useless when it comes to a lot of the problems, at least for now!" The girl added quickly. "B-But I want to know, I want to understand why you're sad or angry or frustrated. I want to... I want to help, even if by knowing what's bothering you. Especially if those are problems that are our problems, that concern the both of us." There was a moment of silence, where Ruby glanced to the side. "I actually didn't know that this... This thing you wanted to talk about was that big of a deal. Not that being yelled at was fun but... Well... If so I would choose to talk about it some other time."
For the first time, Weiss felt like smiling. It had to be a bit ironic, no? "N-No, you're fine. I didn't know you were upset for me over how I deal with all those problems, instead of being upset just at the problems."
"W-Well, it's important for us to face these challenges together, otherwise... Otherwise, there's no point in us trying to be something else than just a pet and their owner."
Weiss chuckled as a thought appeared in her mind. "You didn't just talk to Yang, didn't you? Blake was involved." It wasn't really a question, more like a statement.
Ruby's ears went flat at that. "She might have been a part of it." The dog girl shook her head. "But I understand that she's very... Um... O-Opinionated?"
Weiss giggled at that, only to sniff. "That's a good way to put it." With a sigh, she glanced at the door leading to the bathroom. The most cursed of rooms, at least for today. "Solve our problems together huh? How about we start with this problem, then?" She said as she glanced at the dog Faunus.
"Y-Your... Desire?" Ruby asked, not sure how else to call it. "I'm still not sure what you meant. I mean I... I am not sure why would it cause problems... For us."
Perhaps due to being completely exhausted emotionally, Weiss felt little embarrassment about the topic. Perhaps it was all overshadowed by the more important issue they just faced. "Because certain things are... Are like a can of worms. Once you open them up, they spread all over the place and there's no chance of closing that can and stopping the problem. This is one of those situations, you know? Once it would happen, it would just... Just be there, forever."
"I don't understand, would it really be that bad?" Ruby tilted her head.
"It would. There are rules in our society, both spoken and unspoken, written and not, and if... If something would happen between us? Something outside of boundaries seen as acceptable between a human and a Faunus? That would give us both a stigma. One that would follow us forever. One that would lock many doors before us." Weiss let out a small sigh. "Maybe even force us to be separated in the end."
Ruby frowned as she had to think it all over inside her head. "Is it... Because of me?"
Weiss blinked at that. "N-No, of course not! It's... It's all because of myself. I'm the issue here. Me and my thoughts."
"But I'm the reason why you're like this, right? This... Desire, is towards me, no?" At that, Weiss wasn't sure what to say. She would never agree it was Ruby's fault, that's for sure. "So what... What should we do about it?" The dog girl asked after a moment of silence.
"I don't know." Weiss answered, admitting to the fact that she was completely hopeless when it came to this issue. An issue she was struggling with for a while now, an issue that only grew in size. Now, that it's out in the open, she hoped for something to happen, a miracle solution to appear in front of her. Yet here she was, emptyhanded like before.
"Maybe we should start sleeping separately." Ruby said. "I'll take the mattress, like Blake when she was sleeping over."
That statement felt like a cold dagger directed at her, yet Weiss understood where this was going. While that secret desire of hers... Well, not so secret anymore, yelled at her to deny the dog girl, she knew it was perhaps the best thing to start with. "I think that's a good idea, but you should keep the bed, after all, it's all because of me."
"No." Ruby shook her head as she stood up. "You have... Job and other things, you should keep the bed. I'll sleep on the floor if you decide to sleep on the mattress." She added with a frown.
"But..." Weiss wanted to argue some more but was cut off by the dog girl.
"Haven't we argued enough today? Please, I'll take the mattress. I'll be fine, I slept in a cardboard box, I can handle sleeping on a comfy mattress." The dog girl smiled, and with just that it was settled. Ruby had the upper hand in this, as much as Weiss hated to admit and as much as she hated to lose an argument like this one, she couldn't protest any further. Not without this turning into another bad situation, which she had enough for today.
oooOOOooo
"Are you sure you'll be alright?" Weiss asked, not for the first time tonight.
"Yes, Weiss, you offered me enough pillows to build a fort. This is comfortable and warm, I'll be fine." Ruby tried to, once more, ensure Weiss that she was fine.
"Right, I guess that's it then, um... Good night Ruby." Weiss said as she turned the light off.
"Good night." Ruby replied, after which came silence. Well, not exactly silent, as both of them moved around to find an appropriate spot to sleep. Even if it wasn't that long, Weiss forgot how she used to sleep. She had a vague idea but it just... It didn't feel right.
It felt bad and cold, not to mention empty. Regardless, it feeling bad was a good thing. That meant she could slowly adjust and hopefully, this would help. Then there was the bigger issue of involving Ruby more into... Well, everything. Was this the sunshine she was promised? She saw a glimpse of a rainbow before, but were the clouds truly gone? Weiss wasn't sure. It all felt so... Empty right now.
Empty or not, Weiss was exhausted and even if she wasn't entirely comfortable sleeping alone in her large bed, she soon fell asleep, with her last conscious thought hoping that tomorrow would be a brighter day.
Author's note:
Ho'boy, what a scary chapter to write.
Anyway, today, as I upload this, is a special day for me! Hence why I wanted to upload something special on a special day. Special! I just wanted to add that word one more time into this bolded mess. Anyway, I was raised to give out instead of expecting others to give on days like this, so here is an update to one of the more anticipated stories I make. At least I hope I haven't disappointed people for them to drop this.
I actually wrote this and at least one more thing in advance, since I'll be leaving to visit friends and I'll want to have something to upload next month so people don't think I'm dead. I'm trying to be efficient I know, how weird. So as you read this, if there are any huge errors, let me know, but! I'll be able to fix them only once I'm back. So there's that.
As for the chapter... Well, Ruby showed some fangs. I also wanted to openly move them to an equal spot. While it's fun to write all these subtle hints, sometimes it's nice to make certain things clear... Or something. Also if people are worried that this took a step back in the whole whiterose spectrum, I'll let you figure out why it hasn't. If anything, we're progressing! Sort of. Maybe. Also, I'm aware of what I wrote and how I lead this chapter, everything is as it should be and most of the obvious stuff I have covered, if not openly here, it'll be there in the future. Have a little trust in ol' morbid over here.
But you can still fill out the complaint sheet. So tell me all about what you thought about this chapter! If you have any questions I'll answer them as long as the answer won't spoil anything.
Thanks for reading and I'll see you next chapter!