Thirty

ROSALIE

I watch him, arms crossed, trying not to let him sway me.

Alice had thrown a small going away party at the bar for Bella and Edward. With graduation over we were all headed in our separate directions. Well Edward and Bella were. Alice and Jasper would stay, raising Ella. They were excited to hand her to Esme for babysitting duties tonight.

I had already started a paid internship. Next week I'd move closer to the heart of the city.

I wanted it to work with him. But we struggled to gel. I couldn't stop picturing that girl on top of him lately. Like bad flashbacks. I couldn't move past it. No matter how hard I tried. Yet I wanted him. It was evident in how often I missed him, reaching for him. In late night calls and late night visits.

The man before me would stay here. An hour drive from my new apartment. In arms reach.

I'd decided I needed time. I needed to take a step back. I'd practiced my speech all night. Now I needed to verbalise it.

Biting my lip I stalk toward him and tap his arm. He smiles down at me easily.

"Rosalie," he looks me up and down.

I try not to let it melt me.

"Can I have a word?" I ask.

He nods excusing himself from his former teammates. I notice Bella shooting me a look from across the room. She's concerned. She whispers something to Alice beside her who also looks over at us.

Great. I have to do this with an audience.

"Hey," I turn to face my back to my friends.

"You look stunning," he motions to my little red dress with the neck of his beer bottle.

"Oh. Thanks," I smooth down a crease.

"So what do you want to ask me?" He says.

"Actually it's more tell you. I move in a few days," I say.

"Move?" He looks surprised.

I'd not told him. Terrified a simple facial expression would change my mind.

"I need to be closer to work," I nod.

"Where is work?" He has gone rigid.

"Seattle," I say.

"Why didn't you tell me this sooner?" He looks annoyed.

"Because we aren't exclusive," I say, "we are fooling around."

"Oh. That's how it is?" He shakes his head.

No, this is going south way too quickly.

"Emmett. I can't," I sigh, "I just can't."

"You won't," he corrects, "you won't and you should. I don't know what more to do."

"There's nothing to be done," I shake my head, "what we had was great but this can't be long term. Let's say we do this for years… how can I trust you?"

"I'm working to gain it back," he takes my hand, "I'm fighting. Fight Rose."

"So you can get high, cheat and then act like I am the issue for months after. For insisting someone assaulting me was me being unfaithful. For dismissing my grief," I snap.

"Maybe you're right. If you can't stop throwing my mistakes in my face you're not right for me. My feelings run so deep," he says fiercely, "I love you. I never stopped."

"I have to go," I pull my hand free, fighting tears, "we can't have this discussion anymore. It's just circles."

"If this is what you want," he says.

"I need time," I nod.

"I can't guarantee it," his eyes narrow, "I can't wait forever."

"Then don't," I shake my head, "don't wait. Because someone else might be out there who will be there for me before I even consider asking them to be."

"Then go find him," he shouts in my face, "maybe he can deal with your hard work. Maybe he'll put up with the bitching."

He practically slapped me with words. We're headed to a toxic place.

"You're a waste of my time," he shakes his head, "you're exactly why a girlfriend was a bad idea. You were a bad idea. I regret every second of you."

When he pushes past me I snap. I let the tears fall, mortified. Did he seriously mean that? I cherished every second of him.

But moving. A new life. How could I take the pain from a past relationship forward?

I feel an arm wrap around my shoulders.

"Come on," it's Jasper, "let's get you out of here. We can't have you crying on the dance floor."

He hands me a tissue pulling me away from the crowd of the party. One he gets me outside and away from the music I bury my face into his shirt, shaking from the cries.

"Shhh. It's okay," he comforts me, "I know it hurts now. But it's going to be okay."

"I'm a mistake," I shake my head.

"You guys just can't get it to work. You've been through a lot. You can't get back on track. One day you will," he lifts my head looking down at me sincerely, "you and him are endgame. I know it in my soul. He loves you. You love him. Trust isn't an easy wall to rebuild. Maybe time apart is what you need."

"She's here," Alice calls out.

Bella races past her wrapping her arms around me in a crashing hug. She's slightly drunk. That's probably why she is crying.

"I'm so sorry. I'll beat him up for breaking your heart," Bella says.

"We broke each other's heart," I say, "we're both as bad as each other."

"I love you," Alice joins our group hug as Jasper tries to escape it.

I wouldn't get over this easily. But with these guys I just might eventually smile again correctly.

"Rosalie," my father huffs, "did you pack a fricken whale?"

My father dumps the last box on the floor of my new apartment.

I smile at him.

"I thought you were this huge hockey player," I smile, "surely a little box of clothes isn't too hard."

"I'm not the youth I once was young lady," he wags his finger at me.

"Now are you going to be okay driving home?" I ask.

"Yeah," he waves me off, "oh. Now. There's one more matter to discuss. Boys."

"Seriously?" I raise eyebrows

"One in particular," he reaches into his pocket pulling out a small envelope, "Emmett came to have a chat with me the other week. Said he was sorry for the team and stuff. He's doing a great job coaching."

"Oh," I take the envelope, pocketing it.

"He's a good kid. I was wrong," he says, "I think he's learned a lot. I think he hit rock bottom and now we're in the middle of watching his bounce back."

"We broke it off," I shrug.

"I know," my dad nods, "but know he tried. Your mother once told me the mistakes in our marriage meant our love was stronger. It could overcome anything."

He holds me. Once he finally leaves I sit on my carpet. Furniture scattered as I open the envelope.

Inside is a photo of me. Current day beside a photo of my mother. I throw it down, covering my face with my hands so I can let out a solid few minutes of crying.

On the back is a small note.

"I borrowed a photo from your dad. I think you needed something more up to date. My dad was my strength. Your mother is yours. I think they're together watching us fall in love."

I turn the picture back over to look at my adult face beside my mothers. It was the last photo I had of her before she got sick. Unrecognisably sick.

"Oh you'd be kicking me," I mutter, "what have I done?"

My phone buzzes beside me. As if it's a hint. It's just a notification from Facebook. A video Bella tagged me in. But it's enough of one.

I call his number. Ten times. Each one he declined my call.

"I'm sorry. Thank you. The picture is beautiful." I text.

"You're welcome," is the only response I get.

It's the last I hear from him. He refuses my calls, ignores my texts. I finally see what I put him through. I chase. Until I give up just like he did.

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