Chapter 29- Trouble.
You know that feeling when something in particular is holding you back but you can't pinpoint. You can't outgrow it. Or it won't just go away. Yup, me too...
Five Months Later…
Go figure
You were the trigger
You brought me to an obstructed view
When you knew the picture was bigger
Who am I kiddin'?
Knew from the beginnin'
You'd ruin everything, you do it every time
You are my enemy, you are no friend of mine, muhfucker, uh
You muhfuckin' right
You muhfuckin' right, I'm bitter
You muhfuckin' right, I'm triggered
Been a minute, been a while
Ain't let nobody hit it since you hit it
I know you always know what to do wit' it
But ain't no me and you without you in it
I sing along to Jhene Aiko's Triggered loudly. Reciting the lyrics religiously, feeling the music in my soul. I mess with Jhene's Music all of it, she's so angelic but gangster at the same time. Her latest album is very healing, and helped me through a lot. Though I'm not completely relieved from all my pain yet… I'm getting there. My doorbell rings a few times, yeah finally got it fixed. I turn down my music and open the door.
"Give that sad ass song a break already." Cindy walks into my apartment, pressing pause on the music playing from my phone. I roll my eyes at her. So what I played this song on repeat for about a week straight on repeat. I didn't do it anymore, it just happened to come up on my playlist today.
"Why are you here Cindy?" I sigh.
"Damn. A hello Cindy, how are you doing today? Would have been nice." She sarcastically remarks.
"Hello Cindy, how are you doing today? Good? Good. Why are you here?" I feign in a perky voice.
"Well I came to see how you were doing. See if you are still cramped up in this apartment." Cindy tells me.
"What? I think it's a pretty good, decent, sized space." I shrug.
"Yeah I know that but aren't you getting bored all by yourself."
"Nope. I've been busy actually." I sit on my couch.
"Busy with what Jaz? Studying all damn day?" I nod my head. "Come on that's all you do now."
"Well excuse me if I don't want to repeat another year." You see I flunked my last year of law school.
It's hard to do your work and study when you just had your heart ripped out… However I can't blame it all on that event. Actually I can and I can't well not technically because I was falling behind before that due to me being so wrapped up into my relationship. In the moment, I lost focus of my end goal. Becoming a lawyer. It's embarrassing to talk about and it was even more so when I had to break the news to my parents. My mother assured me it would be ok and just do my best the next time around but my dad was so disappointed in me but more angry. So angry that he caught me off for a few months, said this would teach me to be an adult, paying for my mistakes. Of course at the time I thought it was cruel but I'm 24, I need to be more independent. I can't always rely on my parents. I've spent the whole summer catching up on what I missed, working, and even took some summer courses. I'm not playing around this time, I am going to excel.
"You've been studying for months I'm pretty sure you're all caught up now. Shit you are probably ahead of game at this point. Cmon it's the weekend you haven't been out in months, it's time." Cindy encourages.
"I don't think that's a good idea. I don't want to fall behind again."
"One day won't hurt you. I'm worried about you. What's really bothering you?" Cindy tries to investigate.
"Nothing."I attempt to brush her off and in return she gives me a really? Expression.
"I don't want to talk about it." I look down.
"You know eventually you're going to have to get over him." I frown. I don't want to think about him, I don't want to. I really don't but somehow he always finds a way back into my mind. Stuck in the back of my head… I just need to forget.
"You know what? Your right. I deserve a bit of a good time. So what do you have in mind?" I put on a weak smile.
"Foreal? Alright! We're going bowling tonight." Cindy says happily.
My face sinks, "Bowling? Really?" I can't remember the last time I've been bowling. And I don't know if I'm any good at it.
"Yess bowling," Cindy mocks me, "It will be fun! It will be like we're teenagers again."
"Well when you put it like that, I don't think it will be so bad." I try to sound excited.
"There's the Jazmine I missed. Asia is going to be so happy when she hears you coming."
I snort, "I bet." That was meant to be sarcastic. She probably wouldn't even notice me there because nowadays Asia is always nose deep into Riley, that I barely see her that often.
"Well I'm going to get ready and… you're driving." Cindy orders.
"That was expected, bye." I wave as Cindy exits my apartment. 'She is so lazy.'
I audibly exhale once she's gone. Time to get ready, press play on my phone back to my music.
Don't know what I'm capable of
Might fuck around and go crazy on cuz
Might fuck around, have to pay me in blood
This ain't the way that you want it
Might catch a case in this bitch
Don't let me catch you face-to-face in this bitch
Tryin' my hardest not to disrespect you
After what you did, man, what you expected?
You muhfucker, uh
You muhfuckin' right
You muhfuckin' right, I'm bitter
You muhfuckin' right, I'm triggered
You muhfuckin' right, I, uh
Tryna let the time fly (yeah)
Tryna let the time go by
Tryna let the time heal all
Tryna let the time kill all
Of our memories
All you meant to me
All that history
All that's history
I'll calm down eventually
I dress in a simple oversized navy blue sweater with NIKE embroidered in white. That along with light blue ripped jeans paired with white air force ones. The fit is casual almost close to basic, it's not like I am going somewhere special. Bowling alley's are typically chill places. I decide to leave my curly hair down and out. I grab my small MCM backpack and sling it over my shoulder. Leaving out to the parking garage.
Cindy's waiting by my car, "Don't you look cute." She teases.
"Thank you." I sneer at her, clicking my car open. The both of us slide in. The ride to the bowling place isn't long. Once we get inside it's actually nice, the theme of the place is glow in the dark. So that's cool.
Immediately Cindy and I spot Asia and Ming already at one of the lanes sitting down, along with Riley. Unfortunately. 'What is he doing here?'
"I thought it was just us girls. You know Me, you, Asia and Ming. What's Riley doing here?" I ask annoyed. When he is around, trouble tends to lurk behind him.
"You're right, it was." Cindy looks just as confused as me. She takes a look at her phone and rolls her eyes, "Asia texted me like two minutes ago, letting me know he was tagging along… But we already know they are joint at the hip and can never be away from each other."
"Right, should've known better." I think it's kind of cute Asia found her other half. She used to be a wild one.
Cindy and I approach our friends plus Riley, "Hey Guys!" I greet.
"Jazmine!" Ming hugs me and I'm a bit taken back, "Please save me from these two." Ming frantically whispers in my ear.
I laugh, "Great to see you too Ming."
"Oh my god! Jaz I didn't think you come. I missed you so much." Asia and I hug for a good moment. God you would think I haven't seen her in years, it's only been a month. She moved in with Riley around that time.
"I missed you too."
"Yo Mariah! Where you been yellowbone?" He hasn't changed a bit. Once again, Unfortunately.
"Hey Riley." I give him a side hug.
"I didn't know you'd be here." I raise a confused eyebrow at his statement.
"I'm so shocked you came!" Asia says enthusiastically.
"Yeah, yeah I know. I've been told I need to take a break from studying." I gesture to Cindy.
"Yup you do… Listen Jaz I need to tell-"
"Hey sorry to bother you guys, did you get tickets yet for your shoes?" One of the workers asks.
We all say no, "Ok that's fine you can get them at the front when you are ready." The worker smiles, walking away.
After a few minutes our group goes to the front because we are ready to start bowling, everyone cashes in their ticket for shoes. Except me, I'm last. Surprisingly the shoes are free here. Not too many places did that. Just as my friends are trying on their bowling sneakers making sure they fit, the door to the entrance opens. And in comes…
You know how I said trouble lurks behind Riley, well there it is… trouble. In walks, conflict. His serious brother, my ex. Huey. With whom you may ask? Danielle, his I don't even know what she is to him. 'Isn't this amazing?' Right now, I want to run away. I could swear my face turns pale, this is the first time I've seen him in months. He has a beard now, Damnit! He looks finer than the last time I saw him. Even though I know it's him, he looks different. A good different? I don't know how to explain it. My brains on E mode at the moment. Too many thoughts going on at once, to even focus on one thing. And that's not even with throwing my emotions in there I'm puzzled, interested, angry, happy, irritated, nervous. I guess the way to describe it is I'm frustrated… mainly with myself.
When his eyes finally lock onto mine, after a few seconds of us staring, I dart my eyes away. Remembering I am supposed to be doing something. 'What was it again?' Crap. 'What the hell was it?!' I can feel his gaze one me, it's like he's burning a hole right through my body. Causing me to be anxious as hell.
"Shit just got interesting." Riley remarks snickering. I roll my eyes, of course he finds this amusing. His immatureness snaps me back into reality. I pull Asia and Cindy aside subtly.
"Don't look at me. I didn't know he would be here. I didn't invite him either." Cindy turns to look Asia up and down.
"That's what I was trying to warn you about earlier. Riley invited him last minute. I didn't know until we got here. I'm sorry Jaz, I understand if you want to leave." Asia's eyes show regret. I'm not even mad at her. I should have known the jig was up when I saw Riley's face. Their brothers for goodness sake it was only a matter of time before I'd see Huey again.
"It's fine. I'll stay." I try to sound as cool as possible. Whole time I am freaking out inside. But I have to suck it up. Leaving would only draw more attention to me and who knows… maybe I can still have fun with my girls. I glance at Huey, engaged in a conversation with Danielle. Yeah chances of having a good time were becoming slim.
"Greatt!" We walk back over to the group.
"So who's paying for the game?" Ming asks.
"You guys didn't pay yet?!" Cindy smacks her forehead.
"Nah, we thought y'all already did." Riley shrugs. 'Clearly we needed to get a lot of stuff sorted out about this whole night.' This prompts Cindy and Riley to start bickering, they truly act like brother and sister sometimes.
"Calm down. I will play." Huey cuts their argument short. My breath almost halts, that's the first time I heard him speak in forever. It's odd and nice to hear his voice again.
"Well at least someone in your family has sense." Cindy smacks Riley in the back of his head.
"Yo! Ow!"
"C'mon you two let's go wait at the lane." Asia drags the two of them off like she's their mother. Ming follows and strangely enough so does Danielle. This leaves Huey and I because the shoe booth is right next to where you pay and I have yet to get my sneakers.
I hand the guy my ticket and in return he hands me a size 9. I move to the side putting them on, I wiggle my toes around, there is a lot of room in them. 'Hmm good enough.' I grab my bag and walk to join my friends. Somehow I forget my phone on the counter so I turn back and retrieve it. I examine my phone close, that would have been bad if I didn't remember it.
"Wait sir, you forgot your receipt."
Just then Huey turns around and before I know it I'm colliding into his chest. In a big UMPH! His hands rest on my arms, I guess to make sure I'm steady. Time doesn't seem to be a thing as I study his maroon orbs as he does the exact same. I always thought his eyes were so unique. We are so close that I can smell him. There's that familiar intoxicating scent that I adore. I mean adored.
He clears his throat stepping back from me and I miss his touch instantly. He takes the receipt from the clerk and turns back to face me. Well this situation is already awkward, it didn't need to get any weirder.
"Hi." I speak first.
"Hey." He replies.
"Sorry about that." My voice is shy.
"It's cool. Wouldn't be the first time we've met like this." Huey smirks. 'Ahh that smirk.' My mind flashes back to what he's referring to, the day that we met, certainly it didn't go like this situation but I'm getting deja vu. He was such a jerk but now he was being cool about it. Even making a small joke. This is the opposite of how I expected the interaction to go.
I snort, "Definitely right about that."
Huey rubs the back of his neck, "So, how are you?"
"Um I'm doing alright, how about you?" This is so weird.
"Same… I like what you've done with your hair." My eyes almost widened. He noticed? Two months ago, I got my hair cut into layers at the hairdresser. I'm just shocked he said something because with curly hair people really don't notice due to it being hard to tell the difference. I forgot how observant Huey can be.
I tuck a hair strand behind my ear, "Thank you. I like yours too." I say then realize that's not what I meant when Huey raises an eyebrow.
"I meant your beard," I slap my forehead, "Not that your hair is ugly or anything but you know-"
"It's alright. I know what you meant." He stops me from digging myself into a hole.
"Well, we should probably get over there." I refer to our lane.
"Yeah we should." Huey agrees but neither of us make a move from our spot. I don't know why but standing there, I want to engage in conversation.
"Do you want to-" We say simultaneously. When we realize we both pause, I blush slightly.
"Talk?" Huey finishes our same question.
I put on a small smile, "Yeah I'd like that."
"Later on when we're finished here?" He inquires.
"Sure, sounds good."
"Cool." He nods. The two of us join our friends at the bowling lane. That went surprisingly well, night is off to a good start.
"Hey Jazmine nice to see you again." Danielle smiles at me. I don't feel the same way.
"Hey, you too!" No, no it's actually not. I honestly wish she wasn't here with us but there might be a slight chance I misjudged her. I mean it seems like her and Huey have nothing going on, they could be just two friends hanging out but you never know.
"Oh wait I need to go get bowling shoes…" Danielle announces while walking off then she stops, "Huey do you want me to get you a pair too?"
"Nah. I'm good." He responds and she continues to walk off.
Cindy sits beside me, "Do you want me to get you pair Hueyy?" She mocks Danielle's voice in a dramatic girly voice. But only that Asia and I can hear. The both of us snicker. That was childish of Cindy but funny. She really doesn't like Danielle after I told her about her, she agrees with me that she seems sketchy. I kinda feel bad though, none of us really know her.
Ming finishes entering our names and it's finally time to bowl. Unluckily, I'm up first. I have to choose a ball first. I don't really care or know which size is best for me. I pick up just any type of bowling ball from the rack. 'Sheesh.' This is heavy but I'll get used to it, right? This is normal I think?
I start to walk and the weight is too much that I'm pretty sure I'm going to drop the ball, "Woah." I let out as Huey puts a hand under the bowl keeping it from falling. My fingers are still in the hole.
He lifts it up, "You got it?" He questions. We were in each other's personal space again and it's making me nervous.
"Um yeah I think-" I'm cut off by Danielle shoving shoes into Huey's chest. 'Excuse me I was speaking.'
"I got you a pair in case Hue-hue, you'll need them when I start winning." She smirks at him. First off ew. 'Hue-Hue' He really let her call him that, he never let me call him anything babyish. He would have a whole fit if I did.
Huey sneers, "Yeah alright, if that's what you believe."
"Don't worry babe, you'll see. I'll beat everybody else too." Babe?! Cindy and I share a look. So they're dating… I fucking knew it, I knew I had a right to be suspicious. I glare at the two, even though their attention is elsewhere now. I walk to the rack and grab a bowling ball that's a good size for me.
I walk up to bowl, I swing my arm back and roll the ball down the lane. Knocking over 8 pins, earning a spare the second go. For a person who hasn't bowled in a while, that's great for a first time in a while. I make sure to shoot a look at Danielle.
"Not bad. For a first go round." Danielle remarks. 'Is she trying to be funny?'
"Think you can do better?" I put on an innocent smile.
"Probably." She responds. Cocky much?
I shrug, "We will see about that."
"Oooh a fight! My money's on Mariah." Riley comments. I gape at him, we were not going to fight. But I find it slightly amusing he bet on me. Still though, she wouldn't even be worth it.
Huey smacks the back of Riley's head, "Stop being immature."
"Ayo! Y'all gon stop hitting me upside my head."
All of us turn our attention back to the game, Danielle's turn is next. She can't be that good, I fold my arms.
40 minutes later.
Wrong, she's great. She's got the most strikes out of all of us except Huey. There's a shocker. I mentally roll my eyes. However, I was still doing good though, she wasn't that many points ahead of me. I still have a chance, it's my last turn right now.
I roll the ball down, 'Please get a strike, please. Give me Strike!'... Nope but I did knock down 9 pins and got a spare when my ball was returned. Danielle's up next and of course she gets a strike, beating me. She jumps up doing a celebratory dance. I fold my arms, I can't believe she won. No, no way. I refuse to believe it, something has to be wrong with my aim or my ...shoes! Yeah that's it my shoes are too big. I let Cindy know I'm going to change my sneakers. I stand at the bowling shoe booth. Feeling a sudden presence behind me.
"Hey." I turn around to see, Huey.
I turn back around, "What do you want?" I say annoyed.
"What's wrong?" He asks. He should already know what's wrong so I don't even answer. "Look about Danielle-"
"I can't believe you. How could you even be with her after everything?" I interrupt him, looking at him coldly.
He's taken back, "What? Danny and I are not together." His brows furrow in confusion, "What makes you think that?"
I don't even look at him, "Oh, don't act like you don't know."
"Know what?" I just ignore him, shaking my head. If he wanted to play dumb, that's on him.
"Jazmine, look at me." I can hear it in his voice, he's pleading. And he rarely ever does that so I face him again. "What do you mean?"
I inhale, "I mean you show up with her here, she gets you shoes, calls you babe. Shall I go on?"
Huey sighs, "That's what I was trying to say, listen Danielle is just a friend from way back when. And she tends to be extra like that. You seen it, she's competitive on another level. She jokes around a lot and sometimes she plays around way too much. Yeah she came here with me but nothing is going on between the two of us, I swear." He speaks seriously. I guess that makes sense but I don't know I still get my eye on her.
"Ok, thanks for clearing that up."
"No problem, are we good now?" Not all the way. Other things needed to be addressed not pertaining to this situation but I digress.
"I suppose so… talk later?" Huey nods and we walk back to start the second game.
However, that is paused when we find the rest of our group into the mini arcade in the bowling alley. Riley and Asia are playing this game with guns, she holds the gun while he shows her the correct shooting position. He's being real handsy with her but Asia just giggles in return. I can see Huey visibly cringe, showing disdain for his brother. I giggle at him.
Huey's face softens, "It's nice to hear your laugh again." I find myself smiling and just gazing at him. Until…
"Huey, can you come help me with my form?" Anddd moment is ruined by Danielle. She's at one of basketball hoop stand things.
"I guess." He sighs walking over to her. He fixes her arms delicately and I hate it. I want to throw up, she could have fixed her form herself. Anyways shortly after, we make our way back to out lane and start our game. After that's finished, I'm craving a snack so I go to the food stand and wait in line.
Huey comes over to me, "Hey." I acknowledge him.
"Hey, is now a good time to-" He's interrupted by his phone ringing. He takes it out of his pocket and looks at it, "Hold on, I have to take this." He walks off to the entrance, near the bathroom.
My god this line is long, I have been standing here for almost 10 minutes. I see Danielle come out from the same place Huey went, she wipes the corners of her mouth. Then smiles at me 'The fuck?!' A few seconds after Huey walks from where she just was, fixing his pants. No way… He's such a fucking liar. Here I thought he was taking a call but no. All I can say is I'm disgusted.
Forget the snacks, I quickly walk back to our lane and remove the bowling shoes. Putting my sneakers back on.
"You're leaving?" Cindy and Asia ask.
"Yes, can you get a ride with Asia?" I'm not asking Cindy, more of me telling her.
"Yeah but… why you leaving, we about to start another game." She looks at me confused.
"I'm tired. See you later." I walk to the door quickly, not even hearing their responses. Glaring at Huey when passing him on the way out.
I practically could knock anything or anyone that was in my path down, by the way I speed walk outside. I need to get out of here, get home
"Jazmine!"
"Jazmine!" I hear him calling my name but I don't stop. 'Why is this parking so damn big?'
"Jazmine, stop!" I can hear his footsteps getting closer, and my arm is snatched, turning me around.
I push his chest hard, "Don't touch me, you lost that privilege a while ago."
"What? Why are you so mad?" I just cross my arms and shake my head. "What happened to us talking?"
"Go talk to the bitch you came with." I snide. When I become heated, I get out of character.
"There's no need to call her out her name." He tries to chastise.
"I will call her what I want. You're really going to sit here and defend her after what she did?" I throw my hands up furiously.
"Did what?" Huey raises his tone. 'Not the playing stupid act again.'
"You know what, keep playing dumb Huey. I really don't care anymore." Us talking, maybe working things out was a done deal now. "I hope the quickie was worth it." I pettily remark before storming away to my car.
I sit back in the seat. I'm not going to cry, I'm not mad or sad. I'm just over it. Over feeling this way… I drive out of the parking lot. I turn on my car radio and would you look at what's playing,
I'm triggered, when I see your face
Triggered, when I hear your name
Triggered, I am not okay, uh
You need to stay out my way
Triggered, when I see your face
Triggered, when I hear your name
Triggered, I am not okay, uh
You need to stay out of my way, uh
You need to stay out of my way (yeah)
You need to stay out of my way
Oh, oh-oh, I, yeah-yeah
A/N: Heyy everyone. Like this Chapter? Leave a review, don't be shy!