Generation

by Ameraka

Just recovering from the events of A New Life, Connie and Jason are invited to an event that they think will be a new start. But soon they meet an old friend and are enticed into a world of intrigue and mystery while Whit is on a secret mission of his own. What will these events mean for the future of the Whittaker family? Warnings: violence, rape mention-human trafficking.

30. Chapter 30

"Hi!" said Connie.

"Good afternoon, Miss Kendall. Or I should say, good evening, since it is approximately nine o'clock in your location."

Warmth flooded her at the sound of his voice. It seemed like a long time since she'd seen him or talked to him—she even missed how he used more words to say hi than anyone else. She could have said something snarky to that effect but she was so happy to hear from him and he was calling from so far away she didn't want to discourage him even though by now she knew he was aware of the good nature behind her jibes…. Which hadn't always been the case.

"It's so good to hear your voice!" she said. "How are you doing! How is Odyssey?" It seemed like ages since she'd been there, and a wave of homesickness hit her. Even though she enjoyed being here with Jason, no place was part of her heart like Odyssey.

"It's agreeable to hear your voice, too, Miss Kendall. Odyssey is its typical serene yet contradictorily eventful self. As for myself, I am doing quite well, occupying my time with my duties at the college and Whit's End."

Connie followed Jason past the guards and down the hall toward their room. "How is Katrina?"

"Some of the conflicts from her classroom have connected to those of Whit's End and we have coordinated our efforts to deal with them."

"Oh! What's happened?" Her heart leaped. Maybe she shouldn't linger… she was needed in Odyssey….

"Nothing particularly worrisome, simply a misunderstanding which spiraled into some rather unpleasant episodes between two friend groups. It's nothing we cannot handle ourselves. Wooton and Penny were involved in a semi-related but separate occurrence…. In any case, it is all under control now. Nothing to compare to your current adventures. I hope you are not running into anything…particularly dangerous?"

She took a deep breath, thankful that she didn't have anything life-threatening to report. "No— we haven't run into any danger. I mean, it's hard sometimes… there's a lot I have to tell you…" She stepped into her room and Jason closed the door.

"Such as?"

She wasn't sure if she wanted to go into all of that now. And they did need help with the mission. "I… nothing urgent. I'll tell you about it when we get back. It's all so… up in the air right now. We've been investigating, there's been some incidents… probably the worst thing that's happened is that someone we met was kidnapped. Luna. It could've been by Yavesh. And we interviewed some girls who… who were enslaved. It was…horrible to know what they went through."

"Jason contacted me, wanting to know if I could be of any assistance?"

"Maybe he can tell you more about it—I don't know what I'm talking about when it comes to computers."

"Perhaps you should put us on speaker, if Jason happens to be present."

"Sure."

"On the other hand, considering what I have to tell you, we should switch to Instant Messenger. I have a more secure program which can encrypt our communication."

"Really? What could need something like that?"

"Ask Jason to turn on his computer and I will tell you."

"Okay." Jason opened his computer and sat it on the desk by the window. A moment later, an instant messenger app popped up, one Connie didn't recognize, and it asked for permission to access their camera and microphone. Jason clicked 'ok' and a garbled picture appeared, which coalesced a minute later into Eugene's face. He was at a desk with the leftover wrappings of a sub sandwich to the right. Light streamed through the window, illuminating the left side of his face. Connie was struck by the time difference – it was pitch black outside their own window, only illuminated by moonlight glowing over the hills, and the distant lights of the city.

"Hey, Eugene," said Jason.

"Greetings, Jason," said Eugene.

"How are you doing?"

"It's odd to have Mr. Whittaker gone, to say the least, as well as you and Jason. I've been holding down the fort, as they say…. You both are looking well."

"I feel great," said Jason. "It seems like we may be making some headway with the case."

"I… must admit to some concern considering your current venture. You have had…quite a few perilous incidents in the past year, and then there was…" His eyes darted to Connie, his face suffused with sympathy.

A pang struck her heart. She hadn't just cut herself off from Jason, she'd cut herself off from everyone. Eugene, Katrina, even Whit… she didn't deserve to feel homesick. She'd been at home and—been far away. Part of the reason she hadn't seen Eugene for a stretch of time recently had been her own fault. They'd wanted to comfort her, be with her, but she wouldn't let them… she vowed not to let that happen again… even if… the worst happened….

"Well, we are not…courting danger this time," said Jason. "Although we're determined to help Ben and now Luna—and any of these other kids who are trapped in the worst possible horrors."

"If there is anything I can do…."

"You got our message?"

"I may have an idea of how I can help… which is in fact why I suggested this mode of communication."

"What is it?" Jason pulled up the large red chair and sat down in the desk chair. Connie sat down in the red chair beside him.

"In my spare time, ever since that incident with Will, I have been working on a…modification of sorts of the computer program…." He looked around, as if making sure no one was listening. "Zephyr."

Jason leaned forward in the chair. "Really?"

"As you know, that program's development was truncated when it was deemed to be too dangerous. Whit had the only copy. However, when I examined it, I saw how revolutionary a program it really was and advised Whit not to destroy it. He was skeptical at first, but I convinced him that the program could be used for good if it was modified. With Mr. Whittaker's knowledge and assistance, for the past year, I have been suppressing the program's most dangerous capabilities and creating versions of it, one to be used for more sensitive tasks and kept out of the general public's hands, and a toned down version for commercial use, leeched of any of its damaging capabilities. Now I am nearly finished with both versions. The second I've sent to Mr. Whittaker, the first needs a test to demonstrate its effectiveness before it can move to the next phase. Perhaps this is the opportunity needed to test it and help you in the process."

"How is the program like Zephyr?"

"We should probably refer to it as its modified name from now on, so no one connects it to its origin. It's called Lifeguard."

"Interesting name."

"I came up with it myself, when imagining its possible applications. It may have been a prescient choice."

"I hope so."

"I've divested the program of its more… virulent qualities. Toned down its ability to replicate and overpower other computers, erasing their personalities. It still retains powerful capabilities of slicing through protective encryption, detecting vulnerabilities in a subject system, and controlling individual programs. I envisioned it as an automated defense testing device—a program that can find the vulnerabilities in a massive system, such as the one that runs Whit's End, and find ways that hackers can invade—while simultaneously blocking any invasion attempts. As you know, we've had problems of that nature in the past."

"That…could be helpful."

"Additionally, I've added other capabilities—made it more flexible and added sub-applications, with more safeguards so it cannot be commandeered itself by any outside parties. It's virtually a fortress. Probably the best I've done so far. However, even though it's not the time bomb that Zephyr was, Lifeguard is still a sensitive program and it could still be used for evil if it got in the wrong hands… so the fewer people who know about it, the better."

"We'll keep it between us."

"This will also help keep your operation safe—you don't want evildoers to get wind of your mode of attack."

"So you're willing to use Lifeguard to…attack these traffickers?"

"I have not looked into it extensively, but I know enough about human trafficking to know that it, to put it mildly, should be wiped off the face of the earth. I want to do my part to eradicate it."

"Will you have enough time?" Connie asked. "I mean right now, when you're basically running Whit's End."

"As busy as I am, it's important to leave room for recreation. And working on computers is, to me, one of the most pleasant diversions available."

Connie couldn't help but laugh. "Of course you'd see it that way!"

Eugene smiled. "In fact working on Lifeguard has been one of the most incredible experiences… no other program has been like it. Creating its elements, molding its original form… it's almost akin to creating a symphony or a sculpture from clay… perhaps something you would relate to better."

She nodded, smiling at his description. "Maybe… I get it just a little more now." Something troubling hit her. "But then… it's kind of hard to face. I don't know if you'll want to do it if you see some of these… maybe you can detach yourself from it, maybe you can create a wall of logic, but… I can't. can't bring myself to watch some of this—even though it might save those girls…." She looked away, her chest tightening.

"I thought I could…" said Jason. "But I—let's just say it hit a little too close to home, even though—what they experience is a lot worse than what I did."

Eugene pursed his lips. "I don't think I could detach myself either… I would not be immune to seeing such horrors, on the contrary, I don't want to even imagine it. But the good thing about Lifeguard is that most of the task can be automated."

"Really?" said Connie.

He nodded. "I may have to modify it according to what you need, but that should only take a few days at most. What sort of tasks do you need accomplished?"

"Well," said Jason, "I know we've just touched the tip of the iceberg. But we've discovered a site where… one of the girls we met has a video. We were wondering if—"

"Could you kill the site?" Connie asked. "Could Zeph—I mean, Lifeguard—do that? I know it's not as powerful anymore, but—"

"Theoretically, it could," said Eugene.

"But that's not what we want," said Jason.

"It isn't?" said Connie. "Oh—right. I just—hate the idea of it. That it exists and that people are…watching it."

"Shutting it down would defeat the purpose—even though I'd like nothing more than its destruction. We do want the video of Ana taken down. She's been found, so we don't need to look for clues in her videos."

"Send me the links and I'll take care of it," said Eugene.

"We also need to detect clues from the other videos. Can your program do anything about that?"

"I can modify an existing sub-application. I've been playing around with some advanced video analysis…"

"Great! So we won't have to watch the videos."

"That would be—really a life saver," said Connie.

Eugene's face fell. "Well, unfortunately there will still need to be a manual check."

"What does that mean?"

He sighed. "It's highly probable there will always have to be a human dimension to many computerized tasks. Because there are some things computers excel at… and some things computers are less equipped to handle."

"Eugene! I never thought I'd hear you say that."

"Well, they are tools. Marvelous tools without parallel in history, but they cannot replace intuition."

"You mean to say intuition is useful?"

"Impulsive reasoning is too often relied upon at the expense of logic , but there are certain cases when intuition can be valuable, such as when dealing with more human elements. Computers are notoriously inept at discerning facial expressions, for example. Throughout the years, I have learned a great deal from you, Miss Kendall, and during my time in Odyssey, I have leaned that everyone's gifts are important and they mesh together to create a balanced perspective and approach, stronger than if one method alone is used."

"Thanks, Eugene! I think."

"So you're saying we'll have to manually check some results?" said Jason.

"I'm afraid so. It would be best if it could be crowdsourced, a method that would produce the most accuracy. I may be able to find an online crowd through a third party web site, though I would have to pay for this service…"

"We can pay you back for any costs. We're being given a generous reward for this…something I don't feel comfortable keeping for my own sake. Though I do hate to subject anyone to videos like that…. It's better than letting those girls stay in slavery just because we can't stand to watch it…. I think I know someone who might be able to help. She might even have some contacts who can help you."

"Who might that be?"

"The one who brought this case to our attention in the first place. Sierra. If anyone's able to detach themselves, I think she is…. Although…." He shook his head. "I'll give you her contact info."

"Is she the one who is with Mr. Whittaker in Manila?"

He nodded. "She was born in Cambodia, and she's performed many missions in Southeast Asia, so she's very familiar with the region. She's sort of a… freelance agent. She's professional and skilled, doesn't let her emotions get in the way…. She's also been a victim of human trafficking, so this issue is close to her heart. I don't want to speak for her, but even though she's looking for Ben and helping Dad look for Tam, she'd probably find the time to help out."

"I will contact her as soon as possible. And I'll get to work on this case right away—I can start on it this evening."

"Thanks, Eugene. I'll send you the specifics of what we need and the links to these sites. Any others we find."

"I'll do my best to hone Lifeguard for this purpose. Unless I'm mistaken, the plan is to glean all relevant information from the site, and then take it down."

"That's the gist of it."

"I have an idea. It might be tricky but… I could make a mirror of the site, so it looks normal to the owner, but freezes up for anyone who visits it while taking their personal information."

"That—sounds fantastic. I have no idea how you'd do it…"

"I have another idea. I may be able to redirect the site to another site with an anonymous tip link for informants to provide any information about the perpetrators."

"If you can do that."

"It will be an interesting challenge."

"To have something so customized for human trafficking—this just might be the breakthrough we need!"

"I hope so," said Eugene earnestly. "I'll let you know the minute I find a clue to your investigation."

"You're a lifesaver, Eugene. Literally."

"Well, if I can use my skills to eradicate this evil, I will be…immensely gratified."

"I'll do my part on my end…. Somehow I think you'll be more effective."

"Your skills are formidable too. We can all contribute and pool our resources."

"You'll probably do more, is all I'm saying. I'll be able to save one, maybe. Hopefully more, but—with your computer you can track down a lot more, perhaps even shut down an operation singlehandedly."

"Maybe what you both accomplish will inspire efforts which will affect the country of Muldavia and perhaps others for years to come."

Connie wondered what exactly she could do. Jason had his skills—but what could she do other than slow him down? Maybe she shouldn't have come. His attention was divided, and she wasn't even giving him the depth of attention he needed. She could have waited for him at home, then given all he needed then… a reward for what he'd done, what he'd endured apart from her. She might even be harming the operation while not contributing anything to it, or to Jason, despite his insistence otherwise… she felt a vague rising panic. But—at the same time, she couldn't stand to be apart from him… was there a way to take a crash course in investigation when you didn't have an aptitude for it? Jason would still be dragged down by having to explain patiently at every turn… He needed her, but then… maybe she should just give him what he wanted, try not to slow him down as much as possible, do what little she could while staying at the palace and not being a distraction… even if he insisted, it was probably just to spare her feelings… he wanted her with him, but it wasn't good if it took him away from his investigation…. Maybe she'd just insist she stay here the next time he went out. Unless she could somehow figure out a way to help….

"Speaking of Muldavia," said Jason, somewhere beyond the fog of her distress, "Maybe you should come visit sometime. It's an incredible country."

"Perhaps I will. I must confess I don't know much about it. Mr. Whittaker has mentioned it a few times but I have never followed up on my curiosity… It would be fascinating to visit and expand my knowledge exponentially."

"Not to mention, a lot of fun."

"Maybe you can come with Whit," said Connie. "He said he might like to visit again."

"Really? So he has been there before."

"Um….yeah," she said, not sure if she should say more, since only Whit could decide to reveal his secret.

"What little he said about it, it seemed to hold fond memories. I look forward to traveling with you some time in the future… But first things first."

"Yeah, this investigation," said Jason. "Who knows how long it'll take. Hopefully not much longer—those kids should never have been kidnapped in the first place, and every day they're gone—that much more chance of their being hurt or killed."

"Maybe this can be the start of putting an end to this trade. But whatever happens, if we just rescue one, it'll be worth any amount of difficulty. I'm not going to stop until I exhaust all my options and energy. Even if it comes down to….manually going through the images myself. I mean—I haven't… been kidnapped so… it would be secondhand trauma, not having to relive something I experienced myself."

"Perhaps I can try again….I just don't think I can at this point."

"I'll try too," said Connie. "There's just… some things I don't think I can watch."

They spoke a little bit more and then Eugene said, "I hate to bid adieu, but I'm afraid it's necessary as I have to get back to work."

"It was really good to see you," said Connie, feeling a wave of homesickness.

His periwinkle blue eyes twinkled. "Likewise, Miss Kendall. Connie. And Jason. Farewell." The app blinked off.

"Well…. I suppose… we'd better get ready for bed so we can have a fresh start in the morning." Jason stepped over to the window.

Connie slowly slid out of the chair and stood, her limbs feeling heavy and sluggish. She supposed she was tired…. It had been a long day. An eventful day… it felt like they had a lot to work with moving forward. And then there was the adoption… Her heart turned over when she thought of it. Would they be able to have the little baby? Or…was a Muldavian couple truly the better option…? She wanted what was best for the baby. Maybe I wouldn't be a good mom… I lost one baby already because of carelessness….

No. She shut that thought off. I'm not going down that road again. What's wrong with me… maybe I'm just tired. I'd better just get in bed…

But what about Jason? I promised I wouldn't keep myself from him…. Tiredness doesn't mean anything… I want him but I'm not sure if I could give him my best right now… I really feel like flopping down under the covers…. Maybe the morning would be better. Get a good night's sleep and then be fresh…. I'll see what he wants though. That's the most important. I can't just say I'll give him everything then—take it back….

She crept over to him and slid her arm around his waist. He wrapped his arm around her back and she gasped at the intoxicating feeling of his closeness…. She wanted to stay here beside him and look out the window for a long time, at the velvet tones of darkness and dim light and the glittering sky…. But she also wanted to give him what he needed and so she turned toward him, blocking the window, looking up into his face, and slid back a lock of hair that had fallen over his forehead. Love stirred deep in her and she longed for him—but wanted to give him her best, and felt fatigue drag at her…. Perhaps she'd be able to fight it… he was amazing and his blue eyes were gazing at her, a question in them, his lips slightly parted—ah, so beautiful! A powerful force drew her to them, but she wanted him to make the first move, just letting him know she was available. She studied the beauty of his face—every nuance exquisite. She could never get tired of looking at it. Never know it fully, no matter how long she drank in its details. For it displayed not just his outer beauty, but his inner soul—infinitely wonderful, something she could revel in forever, never know its depths or ever stop learning new facets of how amazing he was.

The starlight painted his face, making him look like a sculpture of marble. As noble as the sculptures of Greece and Rome… he would outshine them all. She'd seen a few sculptures in museums, like the ones in L.A.—with nothing to conceal their attributes. She didn't want him to show himself for everyone, just for her. Her own fabulous statue, living and full of love. She longed to see more of him, see his entire body clothed only in starlight.

She slid her hand down slowly over his neck to dip her fingers beneath the collar of his shirt, letting him know she wanted him without reservation. She really meant it—she wasn't going to hold herself back from him anymore.

He slid his fingers gently over her cheek, his fingertips lingering at her cheekbone and the edge of her jaw, as soft as moonlight. A thrill laced through her, spreading over her skin. Almost unconsciously, she leaned slightly forward, drawn to him by a powerful force. He softly slid a wisp of hair behind her ear. His thumb brushed her neck then he withdrew.

"Connie—are you sure?" His chest rose and fell with swift breaths.

"I want you—you're so beautiful—how could I not want you, every second of the day— how could I have kept myself from you. it's like—I was a different person. But now I'm me again—and I can't help but need you. My Jason—you fit every part of who I am—I'm hollow without you—you're like a drug I was born addicted to." She pressed her hands to his chest, gasping at the hard muscle beneath his shirt. Lower—his strong abs—she could feel their definition under the fabric, the dips and hard knots of muscle. She longed to cover them in kisses.

"Connie, I—want you too." He nuzzled her cheek with his and his breaths fell hot over her skin, against her ear. Then he looked into her eyes. "What if… it's something you'll regret later? What if it's… too soon… too much at once… Maybe we should wait. Just a little longer. Then we can be who we are together without—that—overshadowing it. We can be sure we won't have a baby—then we can wait until a better time. Just a few more days… then—maybe we'll be done with the case, too. And we won't have anything to interrupt us either. We… won't have to leave our room…."

"That sounds heavenly. But Jason… I don't know if I can stand it. After all that time…. Now that the fear's finally shedding from me—I don't want to waste any more time not being with you.. Not feeling the—glory of your love. How can I keep myself from that for a few more days?"

"Are you sure you wouldn't regret it? If you got pregnant…."

"Well, it's in God's hands."

"If you wanted to wait a little longer to get pregnant—to recover from this. And if we adopted…. it'll be hard just having one baby. I want to be with you—so much. I just don't want you to regret this. I want to be everything we are together—nothing else hanging over it. And then, eventually… we can think about having a baby again. I know what it did to you. How deeply it hurt you. I know you wouldn't keep yourself from me again… But I don't want you to get hurt, if it did happen, so soon."

She took a deep breath. "Well, the doctor said it was probably because of the accident. She said… she couldn't find anything physically wrong with me…. Just the normal amount of risk. It could happen again… but it's not likely. So…." She turned away, looked out the window. "I don't know. Maybe we should wait…. I am tired… I want to give you the best possible gift, to make up for all I put you through." Her voice trembled a little. She didn't know if she could ever shed the guilt for what she'd done to him.

He stepped up beside her, touched her shoulder. "Connie, I don't want you to feel guilty, either. I don't want that to overshadow us. I want it to be like—the beginning again. Clear of any sort of darkness… so we're free to be who we are together. I don't blame you, at all. I only partly grasped the horror you were absorbed into…. And I forgive you. Because it did hurt me, but—it doesn't matter."

"It does—you don't deserve any more pain!" She looked up at him, anguish tearing her heart. He'd had enough pain in his life without her adding to it.

He wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "It doesn't matter compared to how much I love you. We have to leave all that in the past… I don't want you to feel any sort of pressure to—make up for what you did."

"But I have to—"

"No, you don't." He kissed her temple. "I want us to just be us. No guilt, no fear, no pain. That way, we can be fully who we are together. Without anything tainting our love."

"Like… that day. When…" She shook her head. "When I wasn't myself. When you got the birth control pills the first time…." Heat flooded her cheeks; she'd wanted to block out that time…. Her love twisted by darkness.

"Don't think about that. It needs to be—fresh and new."

"How can I forget all of what happened?"

"I don't know… just—somehow we have to leave it behind. I don't want anything to intrude on our love. I want to give you everything wonderful. That interruption didn't happen, as far as our love's concerned. Except— it makes me even more crazy about you. And… I want to give you even more than ever—I never took you for granted, but now—I want to give you everything I possibly can. As far as our love's concerned, we can erase the pain, not let it slice into our passion and darken it." He squeezed her shoulder, kissed her cheekbone near her ear.

"That's what I want." She trembled, shaken by his nearness. "Maybe I should wait… so I can somehow try to stop hating myself for what I did to you…."

"You might not be able to be free of all the darkness; I know how hard it is to control your thoughts. But… if we can just shed most of that when we're together. Just be totally ourselves… I don't mean not be vulnerable or open, either. When you're in pain… I want to be able to help you. But I don't want the past to—be a main part of—this. I want to just love you and love you and love you—and not let anything outside dictate how we act in here. Let our love take over so we can totally delight in each other without anything dragging us down. Because I want to show you so much…. Give you so much. I want you to feel in the moment without any scars blocking it out."

"I…hope I can get to that point…."

"Don't think of the past, just the present and how deeply I love you." He kissed the top of her shoulder. She longed to slide back her shirt so he could access more, but she felt strangely numb, detached from her own body. Perhaps she should wait… perhaps this was part of her adjusting, slipping back into her own skin after so long being at odds with it… accepting the past, preparing for the future… the beauty of the future with him. Always with him, never apart. Never cutting her heart off from its lifeblood.

"Hm," he said, and his voice rumbled against her side, tingling her to life again. "Maybe we can have the best of both worlds. I mean—take it slow. Act sort of like… we're not married yet. Then we can start our honeymoon again—a clean slate. We can show our love to each other, but hold back, not because of fear or anything, but because… well, that's the game. And it'll take a couple days… so we can be sure you won't get pregnant… but if we give in before that, that's wonderful too. Because it's in God's hands, ultimately. We can start with things like this." He slid in front of her, pressing his palm to the back of her neck and leaned down, lips slightly parted, questioning. She nodded and he swept her into a kiss.

She reveled in his luscious lips, the incredible glory of his movements. Thrills spun through her, wave upon wave of them, and she wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned in to the kiss. Gasping, needing him desperately, never getting enough. She trembled as he pressed harder, his firm lips devouring hers, and she desperately returned the favor. He pressed her back against the wall, holding her wrist there as the kiss built… she pressed her hand to his stomach, sliding it beneath his shirt, felt the hard muscles there—ah, how glorious! He broke away and she felt bereft, but then he spread kisses down over her shoulder, her chest, just above the fabric of her shirt. He pulled back, but lingered close, almost touching, and she took it as an invitation. She slid his shirt upwards, rolling it slowly with trembling fingers, reveling in each touch of his skin. He pulled the shirt off the rest of the way, and she kissed those strong muscles, what she'd been longing to do, kissing over his chest, down the dip of his sternum, over his stomach, catching purchase on the edge of his pants. She slid behind him and kissed his back, up his spine to his shoulder blades then wrapped her arms around him and he pressed his arms to hers as she kissed the top of his shoulders, the back of his neck, nipping a little as she pressed tightly to him. He looked back at her and their lips met.

She slid back a little and traced the indent of his spine, savoring the nuances of the flesh beneath her fingers, this small perfect part of him. He gasped.

"That tickles?" she asked.

"Yes—" he said, breathlessly. "But it feels good. Don't stop."

Once she reached the top of his neck, he reached up and took her hand, slowly spun around, gazing into her eyes, holding her hand delicately like it was a dance. Then, longing in his eyes, he let go and stepped back, shadows covering his sculpted form, his chest heaving. "I… maybe we should stop. For now."

"I don't want to. You're so—so beautiful…."

"I think that's about the limit. Of how much I can stand without… ah, Connie, you're so gorgeous—" He moved backwards, his back hitting the wall, his eyes gleaming.

She considered ending the game. But she kind of liked the idea. They could spread their lovemaking over a couple nights. Take it slow…. Savor it. Build up their passion to an impossible level, then, when they couldn't stand it anymore—it would be amazing, a way she could treat him. Not out of guilt, but because it was what he deserved. And she could have that time to think of more ways she could show her love… She turned and walked to the bed and sat down, facing him, smiling. "That's all for tonight." She stretched, her limbs tingling with invigoration… but she also felt tired. She flopped down onto the bed, not feeling like undressing.

He crept up close, looked down at her, awe and yearning on his face. Then he sat down, his body slightly twisted, his hand resting on the bed about a foot from her head. He ran his other hand through his hair, messing it up, making it look impossibly enticing.

This'll be fun. Agonizing—but fun. I wonder how long I can last… not very long, I mean, I don't want it to last longer than a few days, eventually—I'll need all of him.

Perhaps this was a good idea; she could already feel some of the guilt melting away in the face of the anticipation.

"Maybe we should set some boundaries for this game," said Jason. "I… it gets a point where it's too much. I can't stand it…."

"Maybe you'll just have to deal with it." She delicately slid her finger over his hand, then grasped it.

Pain crossed his eyes. She didn't want to hurt him…. Not that it really hurt. But there was a limit… "You're right," she conceded. "What's a game without boundaries?"

"Mm… but then… just this…" He squeezed her hand, "is too much. I mean… one small touch just makes me want to gather you in my arms—I don't know if I can be in the same room with you now. Maybe this game is too much… no, I can do it. It's not impossible… maybe I should sleep somewhere else, though."

"No—please. I want you with me."

"Okay." He turned toward her, still grasping her hand. "How about… we go back to the beginning. To how our boundaries were, before we were married. It was hard then, but we did it. We went a little too far tonight… but we can take a step back."

"I don't know… not after that…."

"We can start tomorrow. A kiss… a few touches… see how long we can stand it. Then… we can set new boundaries.…."

"To make you wait even longer? I don't know…."

"I'm choosing this. Because it'll be fun. Because it'll help us erase the past, I think… restart like it's new. Unless you'd rather not… you come first. Always."

"No… we'll try it." She slid upwards toward the top of the bed. Lay on the pillow. Jason slid his hand away from hers and her heart fell. He stepped into the bathroom and she lay there, static clutching her body. The shadows and faint light coalesced into a vague fuzz. Her eyelids closed.

I better get ready for bed….

That was her last conscious thought.

Light flooded through her eyelids; warmth caressed her face. She opened her eyes; a shaft of sunlight shot through the window, dust floating in it like brilliant sparkles. An arm was wrapped around her waist—Jason's. Her heart skipped a beat. His chest rose and fell in a steady rhythm against her back. One leg wrapped around hers. He was holding her tightly as if he never wanted to let go, even in sleep.

She didn't want to stop feeling his touch, either. Carefully, so not to wake him, she slid her arm over his, pressing it to his warm skin, her palm to the top of his hand, feeling its veins and the delicate bones of his fingers. She longed to kiss him, but she was content to just lie here, savoring his presence, as long as he was asleep. When he woke up, it would be even more wonderful—she'd see his impossible beauty. But she didn't want to disturb his sleep.

She looked at the clock at the bedstand. It was seven-thirty… not too late. He'd probably wake up soon. She passed the time by reminiscing their thunderous night—and thrilled with the anticipation of what was to come.

A sharp yet muffled sound. Somewhere beyond the walls. It was probably nothing, maybe some animal outside… but she'd been through so much that she couldn't rule anything out.

Again, more drawn out this time. Like someone screaming. Faraway, like on tv or out in the hills. Her mind leaped to Gray…. But he wasn't here. She hoped. If so, he was in agony and someone was torturing him….

The sound stopped but she felt too disturbed to just lie there. So she slowly, gently slid out of Jason's grasp; he was so deeply asleep that he just took a deep breath and hugged her pillow, which had been pulled askew when she got up. She stifled a laugh, wondering if she should tease him that he thought the pillow was her, and crept to the door and peeked out.

The hall was empty and silent.

Maybe I imagined it.

Then it happened again, a scream of such terror it broke her heart. But – who could be screaming in the palace? Maybe it was just a tv show. Maybe the prince turned on his tv a little too loud…. She crept forward, though, needing to be sure someone wasn't in danger.

At the end of the hallway, she heard a soft, muffled cry. Sobbing. If she remembered right, it was the prince's door.

She hesitated, then knocked. Someone in such pain must need help.

No answer.

She knocked again.

A sniff. "Who is it?" A voice thick with tears. The prince.

"It's me. Connie. Are you okay?"

A silence. "I… I'm okay. Just a nightmare." The bed creaked.

"Do you need anything? A…glass of water or…" Her heart broke for him. She wondered what could have triggered it. If it were just night terrors (didn't that happen to younger kids?) or if he had some kind of trauma. "If…if you want to tell me about it… I mean, sometimes it helps…" She didn't want to pry, either. But if it had a real world trigger, he should probably have some sort of help…

"I… I think I'm okay. Thank you, Connie." He sounded slightly brighter, yet still rather breathless.

"Okay. Just…let me know if you change your mind. I'll be right down the hall. And—you can call me, anytime. Okay?"

Another pause. A deep, shaky breath she could hear even behind the door. "Okay." He fell silent again. She crept away, not totally feeling right about leaving him alone, but not wanting to intrude on his privacy either.

She slowly opened the door to their bedroom, careful not to wake Jason, but he was already up, shirtless, sitting on the edge of the bed, hugging her pillow in his arms. He turned as she entered, his hair in charming disarray, still looking a little sleepy. "What's up?" he said.

"I heard James screaming. A nightmare."

"Oh…." He ran a hand through his hair, messing it up further. She longed to bury her hand in the soft brown locks. He turned to look toward the window, his strong back hunched over a little. She stepped around the bed so she could see his profile, though his back was a gorgeous view too.

His eyes were troubled, and a pang struck her heart. His brow furrowed, lit by the early morning sun, his jaw taut. He rubbed his jaw, over the night's growth of stubble. He took a deep breath, his chest heaving. "It's—" He bit his lip, arresting the flow of words.

"What is it?" She reached out, tentatively laid a hand on his shoulder.

"Maybe I'm wrong. But…in my experience, you don't have nightmares like that unless there's a real world source." He closed his eyes, breathing hard, yet steadily, as if trying to keep his breaths and feelings even.

She sat down beside him. "He was…crying…"

"Was it in his sleep, or—"

"I—I'm not sure."

"I hope I'm wrong. I don't want him to have to deal with any such darkness, especially at his age… Although… he has had quite enough trauma recently. Losing the one he loves."

"You think that's… that could be the cause?"

"It would be more than enough." He delicately brushed the edge of her jaw with one finger.

"It is horrible…. To not know what happened to her…. She could be—he could've been dreaming about the…the worst."

Jason nodded. "I wish there was something more to do to help… the police are mostly handling that angle. It could connect with our investigation—I hope not, really, because we're investigating Yavesh, and we don't want her to fall into their hands. Maybe I'll ask if there's something I can do. I don't want to be stretched too thin… but if there's any way I can help… if I could play a part in rescuing Luna… it has been several days already. Too long." He stood. His muscles quivering as if preparing for action. "I hate feeling so helpless. We've got some leads—but it's too slow compared to how fast Yavesh moves. How secret they are. We've got to get a break. Move faster somehow—without sacrificing efficiency. We've been sort of floundering around—now that we've got some leads… we've got to be more aggressive about this."

"Without getting into danger."

He narrowed his eyes, and then nodded. "We've got to be careful…. No sense barging in and getting hurt. I just—can't stand the idea those kids could be—in the worst possible slavery right now. And here we're—sitting here in luxury—"

"We're doing all we can."

"Are we?"

Well—I don't know what else I can do. I can't do much…. "We're going to look into that guy who might be a trafficker. He might lead us to Yavesh."

"I just hope it's not a red herring. We can't afford to waste time. According to the Amirs, he does seems pretty legit."

"Dangerous, too."

"Just investigating Yavesh is dangerous. We'll…just have to play it by ear, see when's a good time to pull out—not before we have something substantial to pass on."

"How will we know when to pull out? What if…it's too late?"

Concern shadowed his eyes. "I'll at least make sure to get you out."

"Jason—"

"Don't worry. I'm not eager to get captured again. But if I sense danger—any at all—you're my first priority. I'll sacrifice myself if I have to."

"Jason—" She swept to him, pressed her palms to his chest. His heart beat beneath them. She caught his blue eyes. "Please—I couldn't stand knowing that you… you got hurt for my sake."

"I couldn't live with myself if something happened to you, and I didn't do all I could." He slid his hand into her hair, tucked a wisp behind her ear. She closed her eyes, drinking in the scent of him, pine and the sharp tang of raw cinnamon. Forgetting for a moment what they were talking about.

She laid her head on his chest. His heart throbbed beneath her ear. Thump-thump, thump-thump. Harder than normal, attesting to the strength of his feelings.

"Please, Jason. I wouldn't want to live without you."

He wrapped his arms around her back, holding her gently. "I… I know what you mean. I—can't stand the thought of living without you. But—if the worst happened—"

"I don't—"

"If the worst happened, I would want you to go on. I wouldn't want you to fall apart… to be in pain. Some is…realistic. But I would want you to keep living, to keep loving, to—taste chocolate, to hear a kid's laugh, to feel a cat's fur… to thrive, to not forget, but keep—being you. Even if I left you… don't ever despair. It would make everything I did in vain… if you left, if you fell into shadow again."

She nodded, the soft hair of his chest rubbing against her cheek, and a tear slipped from her eye, her heart aching with the possibility she hoped never happened. She didn't want to think about it—but she'd have to go on, for him. And if she had a baby, his baby, like in her dream—

She cut off that thought. It was too horrible to think of, even worse than his death, because it would mean unspeakable torment… a thing they were risking, just by being here.

Part of her heart wanted to flee—run back to Odyssey, where he'd be safe. But there was no guarantee of complete safety anywhere… only a guarantee that God would hold them in His hands, wherever they were.

"I never want to leave you," he said, his voice thrumming against her chest. "But… if it means going home emptyhanded, without saving these kids… I don't know. Maybe it's worth it."

"Worth—what?" she hardly dared ask.

"Worth risking a little more. I think… with Yavesh…. We might have to risk more than we thought. Because of how powerful it is. A normal amount of effort won't cut it… I'll be careful. But even what Eugene's doing is dangerous. And we're just at the cusp of the investigation…. We might have to go deeper to get anything of value."

"What about Sierra?"

"Who knows how long her side of the investigation will take. In the meantime, we've got to drag out the most valuable threads… have them ready for her when she gets here. I'm not stopping short of something helpful, because—what would be the point of coming here at all?"

"You said…we wouldn't go into danger…."

"We wouldn't court it. We're in danger, right now. Luna's already been captured, and she was under the protection of the king. I have a feeling it is Yavesh, for who else could disappear her so completely? We're here to help Ben… we've got to go as far as we can. Without going over the edge. I don't want to leave you alone." He kissed the top of her head. "But if I'm not willing to… sacrifice myself for these kids… to tear them away from the unspeakable—do all I can to rescue them—that's what God calls us to do. Sacrifice for love. I can't leave you… but if I had to… I'd never sacrifice you. But as long as you're safe… I should be willing to risk everything."

"Even the worst?" To be torn from him—it already was shredding her heart into disparate pieces.

"Even my life." He nodded. Slid his hand, shaking, over her hair, down over her neck and back. She trembled at his depth of feeling and knew he was right—but she couldn't bear looking at such a possibility directly. Not after all she'd already lost. Wanted to dash back to America, dragging him with—at least they'd be out of the eye of the storm. With Gray no direct danger to him anymore, he had no more enemies…

She shook inside. Her hand grasped his shoulder, perhaps too tightly, but she couldn't uncurl her fingers, couldn't pull herself a hairs-breadth away from him. "That's not the worst, Jason. I'd know…" Her breath caught. "I'd know you'd be in heaven, away from all pain. If—if—the worst happened. If they—caught you. What they would do—" Unbidden, horrific images flashed in front of her mind and she scrambled desperately to block them out.

He pressed her close, his arms around her back. "Don't think of that. I—I don't want to consider that, either. But if it… did happen, I'd still be in God's hands. It'd still be worth it—to sacrifice myself for them or for you."

"Don't—don't do that for me. Please." A sob caught in her throat.

"I'd have to. If it came to the choice of you or me—I'd never, ever let them get their hands on you. Just thinking about it—"

She looked up at him, a tear drying on her cheek, her hands on his chest. "I'd do the same thing. If it meant—you or me—I don't know what I could do, unless it meant offering myself… but if I had a choice—I would choose—" She shuddered inwardly as the horrible possibilities brushed her mind. She didn't want to face such degradation, even in her imagination. But it would be infinitely better than them subjecting Jason to it.

"I…wouldn't be able to stand that. But I can't expect you to do what I wouldn't do… to show your love… even if it meant… I would just have to rescue you."

She nodded, knowing it wouldn't be that clear cut… no one could ever fully recover from being trafficked, at least, not without lingering trauma and therapy to help. But if she was back with him again… everything would be all right…. Even if she had to wait for heaven to reunite

A knife wrenched her heart at this possibility. No. it wouldn't happen. God wouldn't let it. What were the chances, anyway? Unless they really did court danger…. She hoped Jason wouldn't do anything reckless. If he got too frustrated with how slow the investigation was going… or saw some kids in danger—how could she blame him?

If they captured him, she'd rather be with him. At least she would be able to be near him…. Not thousands of miles away, agonizing over his torture…

I won't be any use to the investigation if I keep thinking about this. Jason—why did you have to bring it up. I want to at least pretend that we're perfectly safe, no real risk as long as we keep to the fringes and don't get in deep…

She was still at a loss about how much she could help. Especially if she would get out at the first sign of danger… although she hoped Jason would do that too. Selfishly, perhaps, but she couldn't help but want him out of harm's way, and as close to her as possible at all times.

Jason took a shower and Connie changed out of the clothes she'd slept in, what she'd worn yesterday and been too tired to take off, and into a tank top and shorts. It looked like it was going to be another hot, sunny day.

The king invited them to breakfast in the dining room. They waited several minutes for James and when he didn't appear, Darya sent a servant for him. He shuffled in a few minutes later, his hair ruffled, his clothes askew. Darya straightened his shirt collar. "Is that any way to dress for church?"

"Sorry, Mama. I… didn't sleep well."

He was as pale as marble with dark circles under his eyes. Darya gently cupped his chin. "Hey, are you okay?"

He hesitated, his eyes rather wild. Then he nodded, blue eyes clouding into semi-blankness, unable to hide the turmoil beneath.

Darya laid the back of her hand to his forehead. "Maybe you should stay home. You feel…almost cold."

Roderick stood from the head of the table and stepped over to them. He smoothed back the prince's hair tenderly. "You shouldn't go to church in this state."

"I'm fine. I can go to church."

"If you don't improve by the afternoon," said Darya, "I'll call a doctor."

"It's just… I just didn't sleep well, that's all."

"All the more reason to rest." She slid her fingers over his cheek. "You've been having a hard time of it, haven't you."

He nodded, looking away, tears welling up in his eyes.

His father laid a hand on his shoulder. "If you'd like, we can have breakfast brought to your room."

"I… I'll eat here."

"Whether it's because of…the disappearance, or whether there's something physical going on… I want you to take care of yourself. I…don't want to lose you, too."

James' eyes darted to his father, their blue intense, gleaming. Then he looked away, pain wracking his face, too much for someone so young.

The prince slid into his chair and the servants brought in silver trays of food—scrambled eggs, biscuits, bacon, and fruit of all kinds along with slices of meat and cheese.

The king smiled at Connie and Jason. "We usually go all out on Sunday morning. Church isn't until 11, so we can take our time."

Connie piled bacon, cheese, and eggs into her biscuit and took a generous helping of fruit, along with some orange juice. But she glimpsed James; he had taken a substantial amount of food but was just pushing around on his plate with his fork, his face drawn.

She knew what she'd feel like if the one she loved were taken away—perhaps to a horrible fate… how his imagination must be running wild with the horrific possibilities.

Perhaps…to bring Luna back…was worth risking her own life…. Not Jason's. If only there was something she could do, if only she had Jason's resources, his skills as an agent….

But how could she leave Jason? It wouldn't do any good to get captured for no reason…. Torn apart when she had basically no chance of helping anyway…. The most she could do was basic tasks; doing anything more would put the mission in jeopardy—much action on her part would do more harm than good. She'd have to let Jason take the lead. And hope it didn't put him in the sights of the enemy….

"Has the task force had much success so far?" said Jason.

"As a matter of fact, they have," said Roderick. "We've got some expert people on the team. It's stabbing straight to the heart of the matter."

"Really?" said the prince, his eyes lighting up.

"Still, Yavesh is a formidable enemy. We're only scratching the surface so far… but we are making some headway. It looks like it might be steady, if we don't run into significant roadblocks. If we steer clear of any traps Yavesh sets for us."

"Do they have any clues about where to find Luna?" said Jason.

The prince leaned forward, his hand gripping his fork, knuckles white.

"Well…." Roderick glanced at his son. "We've got some…possibilities."

"What does that mean?" said James. "Do they know where she is, or don't they?"

"They've got to go about this carefully—"

James slammed the end of the fork down on the table, grinding some of its shiny surface into powder. "Carefully! She could be—" His throat caught and he looked away. A tear streaked down his cheek, glittering in the light of the chandelier. He trembled and the fork clattered to the table. Darya leaped to her feet, reached for him, and he collapsed into her arms, shaking with silent sobs.

Connie toyed with her food, not feeling hungry. Jason laid his hand on her shoulder, looking in empathy at the anguished prince.

Roderick looked down at his plate pensively. He shoved it away and took a deep sigh. Darya smoothed back the prince's hair. "I'll stay home with you."

"No… I want to be alone." He slid out of her grasp and slipped out the doorway, fading into the distance.

Darya stared after him. "He came in here to be with us, then he wants to be alone?"

"Well, the conversation wasn't exactly a comforting one."

"We're doing all we can."

"It's not enough." Roderick's fist clenched on the table. "It's… it's looking likely that Yavesh does have her. As hard as it'll be to get her out—it's unbearable that she stay one more second in their hands." His eyes flashed. He looked more like a king in that moment than he ever had, his hair swept over his forehead, a little in disarray. Like a cousin of Jason… made her think of how Jason could've been a king in another life… if his father had stayed in the place of Roderick's father, he could have been a prince….

"So—the task force thinks Yavesh has her," said Jason.

Roderick nodded. "As certain as they can be about these things. With how thoroughly Yavesh covers its tracks."

"We'll look for her no matter what it takes. We'll stay until she's found."

Maybe what I'll have to do, thought Connie, the role I'll have to take, is keeping Jason safe. He won't be able to help anyone if he's captured ….

Connie got dressed for church, feeling rather somber after what had happened with James. But she was curious about the Muldavian church… And it was glorious to see Jason in his suit, just casual enough to forego the tie, the top button undone, like he preferred. She had to look away periodically so she didn't get overwhelmed by his beauty—didn't want to get carried away or too distracted while at church.

They headed out with Darya and Roderick, the queen resplendent in a cream gown sparkling with gold, the king in a dark suit shimmering with purple, cut across with a purple and gold sash. Darya clung to his arm, looking a little solemn but mostly determined, as if trying to keep a bold face over her worry for her son. Roderick looked a little distracted, his eyes distant, crowded with shadows.

Guards flanked them, dark-suited and moving in powerful unison, the morning sun glinting on subtle knives that were probably more than just ceremonial. They walked out across the pavement, already wavering with heat, to black limousines idling on the driveway, the sound drowning out the birdsong.

The cars headed to the heart of Rakima. The church, not far from the central square, was more opulent and magnificent than Connie had imagined. They sat up front with the king and queen as their guests and Connie felt buoyed by thrills and shrouded by a feeling of inadequacy.

The elaborate ceremony of the service was foreign to her and some of it was recited in old Muldavian. The spectacular, white-robed choir in the front of the church made their song swell to a crescendo, filling the church to the top of its cathedral with heavenly harmony. Her heart lifted with it— God was here, with them. He would carry them through and march ahead of them to triumph over their enemies.

Still, she couldn't shake the image of the prince, huddled in his room at home, hovering at the edge of despair for the one he loved….

After church, outside in the heat, Darya and Roderick were surrounded by a bubble of people, speaking graciously with them. Roderick gave them a nod, letting them know it was okay to leave, and Jason led the way back to the limo in the parking lot.

The limo took them to a more disreputable-looking part of town—old brick buildings that looked a little shabby, kids playing ball in the streets, graffiti marring the walls and signs. It stopped at a broad low building made of concrete with a wide window.

The orphanage. Managed by their target—Ali Dogan.

Connie's heart fluttered with dread.