Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, CBS, the Sullivan Company and to A&E.
A Path Through the Dark
Chapter 30
Grace laid down on the examining table and Michaela saw the tears at the corner of her eyes. She grabbed her friend's hand and gave it a squeeze. "I'm here," she said quietly and Grace nodded. She helped Grace get under the paper cover and then pulled up the hospital gown to expose her lower abdomen.
Dr. Bernard knocked and waited. "Come in," Michaela called out and then moved to take Grace's hand in hers again.
Dr. Bernard walked over to the exam table. "Breath in." Grace did as he said. "Breath out. Now try to relax." Grace gave him a fragile smile. "I know you've had these before. I'm not going to do anything different." He opened the warmer and pulled out the gel bottle to squirt a small amount on her skin before he moved the wand. It only took a few seconds to hear the heartbeat. Michaela looked down at Grace and smiled. Grace met her eyes and took a deep breath.
"Nice, strong heartbeat," Dr. Bernard said. He moved around a little more, carefully watching the screen and then sent some images to the printer. "Ok Grace, you get dressed and I will meet you two in my office."
Michaela left Grace to finish dressing and went across to Dr. Bernard's office. He smiled at her as she entered the office, rising to hug her as she came closer. "I was so happy to hear from you yesterday. How's your mother?"
"She is well. The holidays have been hard but you know how stoic Elizabeth can be."
Dr. Bernard laughed. "I thought you'd be in Boston for Christmas. If I had known, we would have invited you over. How is that fiancé of yours?"
Michaela looked uncomfortable. "No longer my fiancé," she revealed but then narrowed her eyes slightly. "And you must be the only one at the hospital who doesn't know."
It was Dr. Bernard's turn to look sheepish now. "I knew or had heard but I didn't want to be indelicate." Michaela gave him a knowing smile. "And perhaps someone new?" Michaela nodded as her smile grew even larger. "From that look, you seem very happy."
Michaela was about to reply when the door opened and a wide eyed Grace entered. "Okay?" she asked sensing she was interrupting something.
"Come on in, Grace," Dr Bernard replied warmly. "Have a seat." Grace took the chair beside Michaela still looking very uncertain. "Grace," Dr. Bernard began. "I understand that you are very nervous about this pregnancy and with good reason. I've spent some time looking at your charts last night and I want us to think about a course of treatment moving forward."
Grace nodded and reached for Michaela's hand. "How far along am I?" she asked.
"From the measurements I took today- my thoughts would be around ten weeks." Michaela felt Grace stiffen and Dr. Bernard noticed as well. "We have a nice strong heartbeat." He lowered his head for a moment to look at some notes he wrote earlier and then looked up again. "Have you done an aspirin regimen in the past with any of your pregnancies?"
Grace shook her head no.
"Then I'd like to start you on one. It's a low dose aspirin once a day. It's not a guarantee of any sort but I have had some success using it with women who've had multiple losses. I'm listing this as a high risk pregnancy for insurance purposes. That will allow me to monitor things very closely. From looking at your chart, I have a suspicion that you have an incompetent cervix which can lead to pre term births like the last one you suffered. So I would like to perform a cerclage. The procedure is simple - I would use a stitch to prevent your cervix from opening prematurely. I typically put it in around the twelve week mark."
Grace was on the edge of her chair intently listening to every word. "Okay," she said somewhat nervously. "So in a few weeks."
Dr. Bernard nodded. "It may be that as the pregnancy progresses you go on bedrest if the cerclage doesn't seem to be helping. But you should know that it has a high success rate - ninety percent." Grace's eyes sparkled at that news and Michaela gave her hand a squeeze. "I know you are nervous Grace but I want you to think about ways to relax. I would recommend some massage, maybe a pregnancy yoga class."
"Should we get a fetal doppler?" Grace asked.
"That's your decision obviously." Dr. Bernard looked serious. "But I find that often heightens fears rather than relieving them."
"When you do the …" Grace searched for the word and settled on, "Stitch thing, is it possible to do another ultrasound? My husband is going to be upset that he wasn't here for this one." She paused. "I just didn't want him to be disappointed again," she revealed.
"We can definitely arrange that." Dr. Bernard smiled and Michaela felt Grace's hand relax in hers.
Grace dropped Michaela off at her condo after the appointment. Michaela practically floated inside reveling in the happiness that was coursing through her. She was excited for Grace and Robert E and she felt very hopeful about this pregnancy. She was also glad that Grace had given her permission to tell Sully. He had asked so many questions on the drive this morning and Michaela had to be vague. Now she could tell him why.
Michaela went into the bedroom and sat down on the bed, her mind still thinking about the drive into Colorado Springs. Sully kept teasing her about starting the encounter in the hall the night before while Michaela adamantly denied his version of events. As Sully dropped her off, he reminded her they would have her apartment to themselves this afternoon. "No Snowbird to interrupt there," he had said with a raise of his eyebrows.
There was no denying that Michaela enjoyed the night before even if she claimed otherwise this morning in the Jeep. Sitting on the bed, she found herself revisiting the feelings of the night before. Sully's hand grazing her bare skin had sent ripples of delight up and down her body. His leg between hers set a fire in her center and those embers were still burning. Sitting on the edge of her bed, she imagined what it would be like to give into desire. Every nerve in her body was tingling as she thought about Sully's hands moving over her body, taking off her clothes.
Clothes- Michaela remembered suddenly that she was supposed to be getting something to wear for New Years. She laughed to herself and tried to shake loose the vivid daydream. Rising, she went to the closet and began to pull out possibilities. It was hard to know what to choose when Sully refused to disclose any details. Michaela couldn't complain though; it had been a long time since she felt this special.
How had she fallen so hard, so fast? Why did her heart feel like it had a mind of its own? Reason told her to be cautious and weary. Reason never let her down except…. David. She'd been cautious in her relationship with David. She wanted to be sure and certain but still things had not turned out like she had wanted. This time she needed to listen to more than reason; she needed to listen to her heart.
Looking at the bed, Michaela took off her clothes and began to try on the possibilities she had pulled out. The first one she tried on made her think of her mother and she instantly rejected it. The next one looked too much like business attire and the third one too much like a funeral. She fingered the velvet of the last one on the bed. Michaela had bought this when she was in Boston but had not dared to wear it yet. It was a sleeveless V neck cocktail dress and from the front looked quite tame. Michaela pulled it on and instantly smiled. She turned and looked at her back in the mirror. The back was cut out from just under her shoulder blades down to the top of her rear. She ran her teeth over her bottom lip and imagined Sully's hand resting on this bare skin. This was the dress.
Michaela pulled it off and hung it backup before returning the other dresses to the closet. She was in the process of getting redressed, when the intercom buzzed. Looking at her watch she assumed it was Sully. "Hey," she said, not giving him a chance to say anything back. "Come on up."
She pushed the button that released the front door and then pulled her shirt on, purposefully leaving the five snaps at the top undone. She knew answering the door like this was an invitation to something she wasn't yet certain about but she wanted to feel the same excitement she'd felt last night. She swallowed hard thinking about his leg between hers, her body pinned against the door as he kissed her.
As she walked to the door, she wondered if she would ever be bold like he was. There was a fire inside of her that every encounter with him seemed to flame. She opened the door when she heard the knock, her smile freezing on her face.
"Dorothy?"
The older woman looked confused. "I assume you were expecting someone else."
Michaela cringed. "Yes but this is a nice surprise." She hoped she was covering her panic well. Sully should be here any moment. How would Dorothy take his presence?
"Well, I'm not planning on keeping you. Grace told me your wrist was broken and so I made you some soup. I thought you wouldn't have to worry about dinner this way." Michaela realized Dorothy was looking at her shirt and she glanced down cursing her earlier decision.
"Thanks so much. This is so kind." She held out her good hand to take the bag Dorothy was holding.
"Nonsense, this is too heavy for you." The redhead bustled over to the kitchen and began to unpack the bag. Michaela quickly snapped her shirt. Now if she could only get to the bedroom and text Sully.
A knock at the door made her heart beat a little too fast. Dorothy caught her eye. "I'll get out of your way," she said. "Just going to put this in the fridge."
Michaela walked over to the door and opened it. Sully was standing there leaning casually against the far wall. His phone was in his hand playing music and he started moving towards her as Marvin Gaye crooned "Let's Get it On,"
"Vis-it-or," Michaela mouthed. The panicked look on her face stopped Sully in his tracks and he quickly pushed pause on the phone as Dorothy showed up at Michaela's right.
"Sully?" she said in surprise.
Michaela watched Sully swallow hard and then smile. "Dorothy. Looks like we are all checking on Michaela today."
Sully stood in the doorway awkwardly and Michaela silently hoped Dorothy would leave but her mind seemed to be working putting all the pieces together. "Are you two…." She looked from Michaela to Sully. "I think I need to sit down."
Without waiting for them, Dorothy went over and sat in the armchair near the balcony door. Sully shook his head but entered the apartment. Whatever they thought they could hide was clearly out in the open now.
"Dorothy," Sully began but she held up her hand to silence him.
"Sully, are you and Michaela seeing each other?"
"We are," Sully stood near Michaela and reached for her hand.
"It's too soon." Dorothy looked up at the two of them. "Abby.."
"We never planned this, "Michaela interjected quickly.
Dorothy ignored Michaela and looked directly at Sully. "You should have never let this happen. What about Hannah?"
Sully shrugged. "What about her? Michaela was the first person beside myself to do skin to skin contact with Hannah. She is a natural with Hannah and honestly Michaela has the magic touch to get her to go to sleep." Dorothy looked aghast at what Sully was saying but it didn't silent him. "Abby's not here Dorothy. As much as I want her to be here, she isn't." Sully let go of Michaela's hand and walked over to look out the balcony door. "She would want me to be happy."
"I know," Dorothy said stoically. "It's simply too soon. And Loren." Dorothy stopped suddenly considering how mad Loren would be when he found out.
Sully turned back to face the redhead. "Dorothy, Loren already doesn't like me. He has to make the decision of whether he wants Hannah in his life or not. I come with Hannah and Michaela comes with me."
Dorothy stood quickly. "I should go," she said. Michaela felt helpless, unsure whether saying something would do any good. Dorothy gathered her bag from the kitchen counter and then turned to look at Michaela. "I hope you feel better," she said and then frowned at Sully.
"Thanks,"Michaela said weakly and then walked to the door to open it.
"Dorothy, let me tell Loren."
Dorothy exhaled loudly. "I will," she said, turning back momentarily. "But you need to tell him sooner rather than later. Sully nodded and Dorothy left without another word.
When Michaela closed the door Sully was already walking toward her. "Well that will certainly kill the mood."
Michaela nodded in agreement. "Too bad. I was enjoying your moves," she said, referring to his arrival.
"Dorothy did as well," he teased.
"Hey I thought it was you when she knocked. I had my shirt unbuttoned."
Sully looked at her mischievously. "You answered the door with your shirt unbuttoned?" Michaela nodded and Sully groaned before he pulled her into him and laid his head on her shoulder. "Sometimes I wonder what I would have done if Abby would have lived and I'd met you."
"None of this would have happened." Michaela spoke matter of factly as she wrapped her arms around him, holding him close.
Sully didn't respond at first. Instead he buried his face in her neck and brought one hand up to stroke her hair. Michaela gently rubbed his back, her eyes closed as she tried to will away the guilt that clung to him and was starting to cling to her. "I don't know," he whispered.
"I know," Michaela said. "You wouldn't have given me a second look. Sully I see your fierce loyalty." She pulled back and took his face in her hands. "I would have been nothing more than another doctor in the hospital."
"Maybe."
Michaela let go and took a step back. "Sully, I don't want you to feel like this." Sully frowned. "I don't want this guilt to gnaw at you. Maybe things are moving too quickly." Sully looked panicked at her words and Michaela quickly took his hands. "I don't mean to end our relationship but maybe give it some time."
Sully let go of her hands as if she had burned him. "Do you think we're moving too fast?"
"I don't know," Michaela said honestly. "But I don't want you to feel bad about us. If you need time, I want to give it to you. I know how guilt works. It was my daily companion when my father was dying. And after I met you, before I knew you felt this way about me…."
"Tell me." His eyes were so clear suddenly and Michaela felt like she couldn't look away even if she tried.
"At first, I think it was the sadness of your story that drew me in. I kept thinking how awful it must be to have your wife killed and your baby clinging to life. And then...I kept thinking about you. Of course then I felt guilty because I was engaged to David and I shouldn't be thinking about another man." Michaela stopped and pressed her lips together. "I could have made it work with David. Love is a choice and I could have chosen to love him. If I could have gotten free of this grief…." Her throat became tight and she swallowed against the tears. "When we kissed that night on the balcony - it was like everything came into focus for me."
"For me it was like a light was turned on." Sully was speaking almost trance like but the intensity in his eyes had not diminished. "Everything was so dark. Hannah was the only good thing but even that was so uncertain. It felt like I was in a sea of endless black and that the sun might never rise again. And then came you."
Michaela felt as if some invisible string was drawing her into him and the ferocity with which she kissed him, made Sully stumble back. He recovered his balance and pulled her tight against him. Michaela stiffened as her wrist was crushed between them. "I'm sorry," Sully gasped. Michaela was practically unphased though and moved to kiss the side of his neck.
Sully began to draw her to the couch but Michaela resisted. She knew what she wanted in this moment but could she express it? One small part of her was urging caution. Sully took a step away from her, grabbing onto her hand to pull her towards the couch. Michaela let go of his hand and turned walking away towards the bedroom. At the door, she looked back over her shoulder at him and smiled.