Chapter thirty: insight

'Alright, everything is ready. Alicia if you could please…' Remus said carefully as he watched her walk out of the kitchen, leaving her apron behind.

'Don't worry. I'll be in my bedroom, making no noise and pretending that I don't exist,' she said with a wink in his direction.

Remus blushed a bit but she hadn't seen it. Alicia wasn't gone longer than five seconds before the first people started arriving. Usually the meetings were scheduled ahead and went orderly. This time everyone came in either complaining about the last-minute notice or looking on edge about the jail-break. Remus didn't like this situation either, but he was at least glad they would come up with a plan.

Within ten minutes everyone was present, but no one was sitting down. Everyone was busy talking to the one or the other. When Dumbledore arrived he seemed surprised by this.

'If everyone could calm down and sit down, please,' he said in a rather loud and not very calm voice. At last Dumbledore acknowledged Remus.

'Remus, thank you and Sirius for preparing everything so quickly,' he said quickly. Remus noticed he was scanning the room for the person that wasn't present, and he seemed relieved not to see her.

'No problem. This situation called for immediate action,' Remus replied before he sat down.

'I think you all know why we are here tonight. Ten known Death Eaters have escaped from Azkaban and other than what the ministry says, Sirius Black is not behind the attack,' Dumbledore said rather more annoyed than he usually sounded.

A couple of people laughed in Sirius his direction.

'We are to take immediate action to locate these people. No one, I repeat, no one, is to take on these people alone. Don't be mistaken, Azkaban only strengthened their dedication. They are highly dangerous and not to be underestimated. Even the strongest of us can fail against one of them.'

A lot of people looked glum after this announcement. Remus cast a glance at Sirius, hoping he would take this message to heart and not start attacking Bellatrix in a wild rage.

'What we do now, is win information. If a location is confirmed, we will assemble a group of ten or more of us to take the Death Eater down,' Dumbledore told them.

'But what if they are with others? Family members for example?' Bill Weasley asked.

Dumbledore looked at him with an unreadable expression. 'We will judge the situations individually and act accordingly.'

To Remus that sounded a lot like 'They might be casualties, but in the greater scheme of things that doesn't matter'. Hold on. Since when do I question Dumbledore like she questions him?

'Hestia Jones,' Dumbledore continued like he was eager to be out of the room as quickly as possible. 'I want you to start with Antonin Dolohov. Shadow his family and find out what you can.'

Remus was sitting across from the witch and was looking at her while her face continued to grow paler. She hadn't been a part of the Order for a long time yet, and neither was she specifically qualified for the job. To ask someone like that to go after a man like Dolohov…

'I-I am not sure I'm the right person for that task, Headmaster. Maybe someone else with more magical abilities can…can take over,' she said uncertainly.

Dumbledore walked around the table until he stood next to her. He took her hand and held it between his pale, bony fingers.

'Hestia dear, don't you want to help the Order?' he asked suddenly very calmly.

'O-of course I do!' the witch squeaked. 'But I just thought…It would be smarter to send someone else.'

Dumbledore sighed. 'You are right. I'm very sorry Hestia. I thought that you were ready, but I guess this is too much to ask. I'm sure Alastor can take over from you.'

Dumbledore dropped her hand suddenly and she accidentally slapped it on the table. Then he started moving away from her. Hestia looked conflicted, but finally said loudly: 'I'll do it! I'm ready.'

He smiled at her and patted her on the shoulder. 'Of course you are. And take anyone with you, if you feel safer that way. But don't forget, he is only one man, after all.'

Remus his throat felt very dry. He felt a bit sick after listening to this exchange. No, Dolohov was not just one man. He was a highly dangerous killer that you should never send one person after to investigate. Shadowing him was in a way just as dangerous as confronting him in a duel. Especially if you aren't good at shadowing…

Had Dumbledore always been like this, or had this situation pushed him to extremes? Remus wondered why he was picking weaker people to do the heavy work now. Was it to test them, or to keep the stronger players back for a later game? Whatever it was, it felt unfair towards Hestia. She had said she didn't want it, but then Dumbledore had twisted her words enough that now it seemed like she wanted to do it by her own choice. That was…

Manipulation.

The meeting continued very similarly. A lot of young, unexperienced wizards and witches were picked to shadow Voldemort's top ten killers. He noticed that he, Moody, Kingsley and Bill were not picked for a task. Dumbledore mentioned a couple more times that everyone could ask for help if they thought it was necessary, but that everyone would have their task and everyone was busy. These new people were really on their own.

Remus had spent the last months tracking down werewolf packs. It was a futile attempt at getting more followers, because everyone knew werewolves didn't like to involve themselves with the troubles of wizards. Most werewolves had decided to live wild and free, instead of condemned in a world that hated them. Sometimes Remus wondered what it would be like, to have a pack. In his years alone he had considered it a couple of times, but in the end he couldn't bring himself to do it. Because being free also meant being dangerous. He could end up biting someone and condemning them to the same fate. His hatred for his own condition had always been enough to keep him in the civilized world.

He would have gladly taken over the task to shadow someone from one of the nervous looking people in the room. But now that Dumbledore had convinced them that they wanted to prove themselves, no one was going to back down anymore.

He could suddenly picture it. Right after the conversation between Hestia and Dumbledore, a girl with shiny blonde hair and a fierce look would stand up. What kind of bullshit are you talking into her head? Didn't she just say she didn't feel ready for the job? Do you want us all to commit suicide? You can just say so. Remus smiled and felt himself getting emotional. Yes, that is what she would have done if she had been in the room and if she wasn't trying to get Remus' forgiveness. And why was he asking for her apology again? Because she stood up for herself?

'Everyone else keep on the job you are already working. We will have our next meeting as scheduled in two weeks. I will see you all then,' Dumbledore said with one foot already in the fireplace.

'Professor Dumbledore-,' someone asked. But he was already engulfed in green flames and gone a second later.

It was quiet for a good minute after his departure. A lot of people were looking scared.

'Everyone should know that it is okay to ask for help,' Remus said out loud. All the big round eyes turned to him. 'I am available, if anyone needs me.'

'So am I,' said Sirius with his hands behind his head. 'You know, as long as I can stay in my comfortable prison.'

'I'll give a lesson on shadowing tomorrow evening for anyone that is interested,' Moody said with his deep booming voice. 'And I think every single one of you can use it.'

At this positive note a lot of people started looking more hopeful. Soon there was a group around Moody asking him for tricks.

Tonks was rounding the table to go to Moody, but Remus stopped her.

'I want you to be careful, okay? Rookwood is no one to be trifled with. If you need help…'

She looked annoyed. 'I know I'm clumsy, but not stupid, Lupin. I'll ask for help when I need it.'

Remus looked dazed as she continued walking. Had he insulted her at some point? They were on good terms earlier this year.

'Hey,' said another voice to Remus his left. He looked around to see Charlie. 'I heard about Alicia leaving Hogwarts. Is she here?'

He nodded. 'Upstairs. We both thought it would be best she wasn't a part of this meeting.'

'I agree. Can I go up to talk to her?' Charlie asked.

Remus raised a brow. 'Are you asking for my permission?'

Charlie smiled nervously. 'Well, I thought you would prefer to know I'm going in your wife's bedroom to look for her.'

Remus blushed. 'Oh right. Yes, I appreciate that. You can find her on the third floor…probably. She is unpredictable.'

Charlie laughed and clapped him on his shoulder. 'That she is!'

Remus watched the rough-looking Weasley walk towards the stairs. He could see why Alicia and him bonded. Somehow, most of her friends seemed to be the opposite of Remus himself. Rough, rebellious and loud people were the ones she could get close to easily. Alicia herself was partly that, and partly clever and calculated. A person that makes rash decisions couldn't have rescued herself and him from their attack in Norway. But then again, Remus wondered if he could have done that. Remus was calm, clever and calculated – he thought – but not as confident and quick as she was. After all, she had bested him in a duel for her N.E.W.T.S. exam. Alicia became more complex the more he thought about it.

'That was an interesting meeting,' Sirius said silently once he reached his best friend. 'Why do you think he chose the newbies to do the dangerous work?'

Remus shrugged. 'Maybe to test them, maybe to use the rest for something bigger.'

'What is bigger right now than ten escaped Death Eaters?' Sirius asked.

There was a short silence between them both. Then Remus said: 'Alicia was right.'

'About what?'

'About Dumbledore. I still don't agree with her actions, but she was right that he is very good at manipulating people,' Remus said sadly. It was never a good sign to see a flaw in your leader.

'Moony my man, you will see that she is very often right. The sooner you accept that, the more happy sex you two can have,' Sirius said solemnly as he drew an arm around his shoulders.

Remus facepalmed.

Alicia and Charlie had spent some time with Charles on the roof, where Charlie could see how big he had become. She recognized the emotional look on his face when he saw the dragon. It was something she felt as well; homesick.

Before they could become too emotional – Charlie didn't handle emotional women very well – they walked down the stairs to the dining room. Charlie was in the middle of a story when Alicia became distracted. As they entered the room a lot of people were looking up at her. Most of them looked annoyed or indifferent, but one particular face stood out amongst the rest.

'Bloody hell! Michelle!' Alicia exclaimed.

A couple of people looked up. On the other side of the table was a girl with raven hair and a pale face. She regained some colour when she heard her name. 'Alicia!'

They pushed and shoved their way around the table to meet in a hug. 'This is the first time I'm seeing you here. When did you sign up?' Alicia asked while they let go.

Michelle shrugged. 'Pretty much after you got me in contact with Dumbledore. He wanted to test me and assigned me to become Alastor's personal assistant. He is driving me nuts but I'm learning a lot of interesting things. This is the first meeting Moody wanted me to join. Bit of a weird one too, with this mass break-out and all. I was looking around for you, why weren't you here?'

Alicia's cheeks burned and she rubbed the back of her neck. 'Well I…sort of made a mess of my assignment. I quit at Hogwarts, it was a big show. Not that important.'

Michelle crossed her arms over her chest and gave her a look Alicia remembered well. 'Let me guess, you became hot-headed and decided to do something stupid, probably something stupid that involved a magical creature?'

'Well if you put it like that…'

Michelle started laughing. It was weird, because she tried to sound carefree but it came out really nervous. Alicia had only seen Michelle get nervous because of schoolwork or her family.

She raised an eyebrow and lowered her tone. 'What's up? You sound nervous.'

It was Michelle's turn to rub the back of her neck. She shallowed thickly. 'It's just my first assignment. It's uhm…well a bit more intense than I had expected. But it will be fine. Moody's got my back.'

'Dinner is ready! Oh hello Alicia, nice to see you again,' Molly chimed in. Arthur joined her and both greeted her warmly. 'Thank you for all the preparation in the kitchen, made it a lot easier for me.'

Alicia smiled back at her, happy to see some things were starting to fade out of memory. 'Happy to help.'

Michelle had taken the opportunity to walk away before Alicia could ask further. Something told her that this meeting was different than what she was used to. She would question Sirius later, or Remus if he felt in a better mood.

Dinner was pleasant but tense. Whatever had been said during the meeting got most of them in a nervous and gloomy mood. A lot of people were silently eating and ignoring the rest.

After dinner the house started to empty out again. Alicia played the good host, waving everyone off by the fireplace. After her duties were done, she got into the kitchen supply closet. She walked back out with something behind her back when she bumped into someone.

'Stealing candy?' Remus guessed as he saw her guilty look and blushing cheeks.

She laughed nervously. 'Wow you startled me. As a matter of fact…' she got the item from behind her back, 'I do have candy!'

She was holding a rather large chocolate bar proudly in her hands. Then she offered it to him.

'You are giving me chocolate?' he asked amused.

'I got some extra from the store today. Just a random extra,' she said dismissively.

'Random huh? This is not a peace offering?' he said as he opened the wrapper.

'A what?' she asked.

'A peace offering. You know, the same kind of peace offering Sirius always gave me when he was in trouble and trying to make it up to me?'

Alicia laughed nervously. 'I have no idea what you are talking about.'

'Well,' Remus said as he put a little piece in his mouth. 'I have to say it usually works.'

'Does it?' Alicia said hopeful.

He looked at her with a calculating look. There was something on his mind and he was figuring out whether to bring it up. Alicia had gotten rather good at reading his expressions.

In the end he took a step forward to close the distance between them. He placed his arms around her and gave her a sweet, chocolate-y kiss.

'It does. I have forgiven you. Can we now be a happy married couple again?' Remus said with the biggest, cutest eyes he could use on her.

'Yes please,' she whispered before crashing her lips back against his sweet-tasting lips.

'Oh come on you two! Take that upstairs!'

They broke apart to see a flushed Charlie standing in the doorway. 'I did not ask to walk in on your make-out session.'

'Come off it Weasley,' Alicia said back as she ruffled his hair. 'If you are so bitter you can ask Charles if he wants to make out with you!'

She tugged on Remus his arm so they could escape the kitchen in time. Charlie was shouting things after them while they ran up the stairs.

'Why do I always feel like a naughty teenager when I'm with you?' Remus asked a little out of breath as they reached their floor. They giggled as they stopped in front of the door. Alicia leaned against the door and drew his body close to hers.

'Because we turn very naughty when we are near each other,' she said in a husky voice. She fished the chocolate bar out of his hand and nibbled on a block.

'Hmm. Alicia and chocolate. What a heavenly combination,' Remus purred as he brought his lips to her ear. He kissed her once, twice, three times.

'I feel like it's time to make up for lost time,' Alicia stated as she twisted the doorknob.

'I agree,' Remus said as he closed the door behind them.

The chocolate was tossed on a table and Alicia was out of her jacket and boots in record time. She took a bit more time while removing her tank top, so that Remus had a good view of the thin fabric sliding over her body.

Remus had removed his sweater and shirt and was looking at her with admiring eyes. He opened the button on his trousers but didn't take them off yet. He ruffled his hand through his hair and made his way over to Alicia. He looked like a model to her.

He hardly stopped walking when he brought his lips back to hers. Now they both tasted like chocolate and the groans that came from him indicated how happy he was with this.

His hands undid the clasp of her bra and took it off. While the kiss lasted, his hands cupped her breasts and massaged them tenderly. His tongue circled in her mouth at the same time as his fingers circled her nipples.

Alicia brought her hips closer to his and placed her hands inside his trousers on his bottom. She kneaded his ass cheeks with her fingers. Remus made another happy sound.

The kiss broke apart so they could look at each other. They were both smiling.

'So, what kink are we discovering today?' Alicia asked with a quirked eyebrow.

He shook his head. 'No kinks. Tonight I just want to make love to you. I want to show you how much I love you.'

That made her heart leap from her chest. Suddenly the sexual tension was pushed back by an overwhelming feeling of love. These moments were rare, when the love won from the arousal. Lust was a very overwhelming emotion.

But love was so much stronger.

'Okay,' was all she managed to whisper. Remus could see how touched she was by his words. He brought his forehead against hers and closed his eyes.

'I love you so much I fear that my heart will explode one day. You make me feel so much, and so much more intense than I've ever experienced before. I love all your sides, from your stubborn rebellious side to your tender emotional side. I love you for who you are and I really need to stop trying to change you.'

Remus opened his eyes after his confession. 'I hope you can forgive me too.'

She laughed. 'Of course you silly man. If I hadn't forgiven you I wouldn't be standing here shirtless.'

He chuckled. 'That is very true.'

'Come on,' Alicia said as she quickly took her remaining clothes off and dived under the blankets. 'Let's do this slowly.'

Remus smiled as he too took his pants off and joined her under the blankets. They were lying side by side, facing each other. Alicia started stroking her fingers over his arm. Goose bumps formed on his skin.

'I saw it too,' Remus said while his eyes were closed. 'I saw how manipulative Dumbledore can be. He talked people into things they didn't want to do.'

Alicia remained silent.

'And I realised that it's incredibly brave of you to stand up to someone like that. To stand up to someone that you know is more powerful than you. You showed him that you weren't going to listen, and I should be applauding you for it.'

'I'm not asking you to applaud my actions. I should have had that conversation with him in private. I might have been right, but I was also wrong,' Alicia said in earnest.

Remus kissed her forehead. Then her cheek. Then her mouth. 'What I'm trying to say is that from now on, I will always be on your side. No more arguments.'

'That's a big promise,' Alicia whispered with a smile. 'But I can promise the same.'

Remus kissed her again. Alicia kissed back and wasn't planning to let go any time soon. Hands found their way in each other's hair and soon they were lost in each other again. Alicia's head was spinning with all the information. But it was all good information.

We'll have each other's backs. From this day till our last.

Her hand started exploring under the blanket. Soon her fingers brushed against something that made him whimper. She touched him slowly, tenderly. Only her fingertips brushed against the skin of his cock, which was growing more rigid by the second.

'Alicia,' he whispered.

'Yes Remus?' she whispered back.

'M-more.'

She laughed softly and then gripped him tight. Remus made another whimpering sound when she started moving her hand up and down around his member.

'Is this what you want sweetie?' Alicia asked with malicious intent.

He looked at her with a smirk on his lips. 'Yes darling. Hold on, I'll return the favour.'

Soon his hand had found her sensitive area. He placed two fingers on her pussy and started fingering her. Alicia groaned softly and happily. They both continued to pleasure the other as they looked each other in the eye.

'I really like this,' Remus confessed.

'I do too.'

Her hand started moving faster. Pre-cum was leaking from the tip and she could feel it getting on her fingers and spreading over his cock as lube. In the meantime she was getting wetter as well which meant that he could get deeper and move quicker. They were both panting and whimpering.

'Okay enough. I want to take you now,' Remus said through gritted teeth. He retracted his hand and pushed hers away from him. He pushed himself up over her.

Alicia looked up at him with big round eyes. She saw his gaze travelling from her eyes to her lips and down to her breasts. One of his hands came up to her breast to massage her. He brought his body lower and pushed his cock against her vagina. But before he could enter, he rubbed against her clit in a nice slow pace.

'Fffffffuck,' Alicia exclaimed as she felt the wonderful arousal of his cock hitting her clit. Remus continued to grind and caress her boob. Then he leaned down to kiss her too.

'I'm going to enter you now,' Remus whispered.

'Please do,' she whispered back.

His cock moved from her clit to her vagina and entered at the first try. Alicia tried not to scream as she felt herself being filled up with his great length. He started out softly, giving her a chance to get over the pain and into the pleasure.

Once she was there she urged him to go faster. Remus complied and fucked her fast but gently. They looked into each other's eyes while they were panting and moaning.

Alicia moved her legs up and circled them around his lower back. Remus seemed to like this and went in deeper. She dug her nails in the skin on his back and enjoyed the wonderful feeling of having sex.

'I love you Moony,' she confessed in his ear.

'I love you too Nessie,' he replied. Then he started licking her earlobe, slightly tugging on it and biting down. It was one of those things that turned Alicia on real quick.

Her hands moved down and groped his ass. She squeezed as hard as she could and heard Remus make another little sound.

'Alicia…I'm…'

'Look at me when you come Moony.'

He moved his head up so he could look down into her eyes. He seemed right on the edge of losing control. She pushed the locks of his hair aside so she could properly look him in the eye. Alicia bit her lower lip seductively as she kept looking up at him.

'Al-,' he didn't even get to finish saying her name before the orgasm hit him. He moaned loudly and collapsed on top of her. Alicia moved her hand between their bodies and rubbed her clit quickly so she could climax too.

After a moment of catching his breath Remus rolled off her and got his wand to clean up the mess they had made. Then he waved his wand in the direction of the lights and extinguished them all. The room fell into darkness. Alicia felt a chilly winter breeze through the room and quickly covered herself up to the nose with the blanket.

'That was wonderful Rem,' Alicia said while she kissed him. 'Sometimes it feels even better if you don't go wild.'

He chuckled. 'Exactly. I had just rediscovered my respect for you tonight and I wanted to show it.'

'Well you showed it. So you are really going to agree with me from now on?' Alicia asked.

'Yes. Unless you are a complete fool. But in that case I will kindly tell you that you are a complete fool,' he said as he took her in his arms.

'Sounds like a plan,' Alicia replied. She yawned and fell asleep happy, warm and loved.

We are nearing the end loves. 5 more chapters to go...