CHAPTER 30. UNITED WE STAND, DIVIDED WE FALL

The sweet smells of cosmic fauna were all around her. Here, in the TARDIS' own botanical gardens, it was easy to forget. Rose sat on her knees on the grass, feeling the tickle of it beneath her palms. She tried to steady her mind, but she couldn't. Thoughts were like rogue missiles in her head, even as she fought against the futility of it all—thoughts about taking the TARDIS and running away, thoughts about fighting to the death, but none of these would ever save the Doctor from himself.

For a while she had convinced herself that she was the one who could be that person in his life, the one to grab him and hold on as he was about to tumble headfirst into danger, but she had been proven wrong. This cliff had been too steep for her to hold on. There was not a force in the universe able to contain him, certainly not the girl from the council estate. Maybe he had been right. If he regenerated, the people here would get to live and the universe still had the Doctor, but she would lose. In every possible scenario.

Rose began to sob, the overwhelming desire to be selfish taking hold. She lay down on the grass and clutched a hand to her face. Why did she have to care about his life? He should have listened and stayed. She wanted to scream—scream until she finally broke apart and every emotion was scattered to the wind, the hurt finally set loose. Just a million pieces of her, floating away into nothingness.

A sudden warmth passed through her and Rose gasped. Her hands were beginning to tingle and as she tried to sit up, her vision spun for a moment. She stretched out her arm and found it surrounded by light. The glow then turned into dozens of tiny stars that floated up into the air and began to expand. Rose watched in amazement as the tiny stars slowly took shape, forming a silhouette, then a person, filling in all the details: a woman with blond hair, clothes different from her own, but still recognisable. It was like staring into a mirror. Rose stretched out her hand. The moment their fingers met, the other Rose seemed to gain strength. She went from transparent to looking like a solid person. Although she still couldn't believe her own eyes, Rose felt an instinctive need to trust this Entity.

'What… who are you?'

The Entity didn't move her mouth, but Rose heard the words in her head as clearly as possible.

I'm you, she said. From another time and place.

Underneath the ghostly words in her mind lay a deep sadness. Terrible events that had never happened to her were now added to her memory, weighing her down heavily.

'The visions I had,' said Rose, 'were those of your life? You and John?'

The Entity smiled then, a sadness in her eyes. They were.

'All that time, you were trying to tell us something?'

And now I may have failed.

'The Doctor has left to fight the Shadow—'

He was horribly deceived. His fears have blinded him to the truth.

Her heart began to pound. 'What truth?' She gasped as the Entity intensified her grip on the world and Rose was hit by a jolt of emotion.

~x~

John looks at her, his eyes filled with regret. Strangely, she hears herself pleading with him, trying to convince him to stay. It's useless. She knows he has to go.

The only thing she can do is kiss him—passionately, a deep and lasting promise that, after this, everything will be right again.

He came back to her once, even when everything seemed lost and his mind had spun out of control. He had fought it, then.

He kisses her back with the same passion, a hint of desperation hidden beneath. She made him better and he will never take that for granted again, but he also can't ignore the suffering of others.

Then, in the blink of an eye, the world changes.

John writhes in agony, his strength draining away, the shadows slowly but surely killing him.

What remained of the world explodes and Rose is hurtled into darkness. There is no up or down anymore, only a sense of infinite Time, each second lasting a century.

After what seems like millennia, there is movement again and Rose feels herself fall into nothingness. When the darkness finally begins to resolve, the new light burns like a fire. Sounds are beginning to return. For a moment Rose believes she has actually made it through the ordeal, but she quickly discovers that she is now unable to touch anything or talk to anyone.

She is trapped between worlds.

Soon, despair sets in, circling and suffocating.

Over time, the despair turns to apathy. She no longer fights this world, but simply lies down and lets the world pass her by.

In the real world, years turn to decades, then centuries.

The voices are the first thing that rouse her. She doesn't move yet, only listens as the voices grow stronger. They are familiar, but she doesn't recognise them at first, for the memories have been buried too deep. A sudden surge of energy comes from them and it slowly infuses her soul.

It has been so long, but now, for the first time, she feels hope again.

~x~

Rose drew in a deep breath, finding herself still in the botanical gardens, her hands clutching at the earth. The Entity had disappeared but Rose could still feel her all around, the truth now embedded into her own mind. She scrambled to her feet and quickly made her way towards the console room. She tried to ignore the emptiness and pulled open the doors, allowing the fresh air to fight the darkness and despair. Her counterpart had suffered a terrible fate, but Rose realised that she would still be able to prevent a repeat of that disastrous event. The Doctor believed that his sacrifice would save everyone, but he was walking straight into a trap. The Shadow was going to kill the Doctor in order to set himself free.

Rose began to run, but it was like moving against a current. The streets weren't moving under her feet fast enough and her muscles were beginning to ache. She cussed under her breath, forcing herself to ignore the warning. She had to reach the Central Site and she knew the way without even thinking about it, her only fear that she would be too late. The House of Ceremony's great dome already peaked over the rooftops now. Only a few hundred metres more.

Someone stepped into the street, a man wearing a mask, then two others appeared. She had no time to look for a way around them in the narrow street. She skidded to a halt and whirled around, almost losing her footing on the smooth stone. They were behind her as well. Rose lunged, straight towards the one standing closest. Her weight wasn't enough to topple him, so she rammed the palm of her hand underneath his chin. He grunted and stumbled back, but another was already behind her, pinning her arms. Something was pushed against her mouth and a sweet smell filled her nose. Then, everything stopped.

~x~

The Doctor had reached the House of Ceremony and made his way through the tunnel towards the site. Somehow, the chamber seemed to call out for him, drawing him in. He stopped and stared at the colossal machine, then at the Object as it sat there, dormant for millennia. The full impact of what he was going to do came crashing down on him. Until now he'd lived almost as if in a haze, making love to Rose in a way he couldn't even fathom, using her body as a conductor for his own guilt and self-destructiveness.

A part of him still resisted, despite his deep conviction that this was the only way. The horrible realisation that he had left Rose behind again, scared and alone, was almost enough to make him turn back. He could do that—find another solution, live for another day. Then he pushed it all aside. There was no other way. He had reached the point of no return.

He raised his hands to the control panel and let his rationality take over, the inner scientist, the calm collective part that wanted to rule. The machine came to life like it had last time, then it asked for the Key. The Doctor overruled the command and began to enter new ones. His mind was working at peak capacity, weaving its way around security protocols and code designed to stop anyone else in their tracks. He could almost feel it reach out for him again.

Time Lord.

Then he was there, at the part that would most likely cost him his life, only a single command away. A tiny stowaway part of his brain told him that it didn't matter. As soon as the Object was activated, he would relinquish control again. The Shadow would come like a moth to a flame and he would watch as the creature burned.

He pressed the button.

High above him, the Object came to life. It took only seconds for it to take control of the machine, activating the surrounding technology. The Doctor suddenly felt himself being lifted off the ground and a medium-sized panic made his hearts begin to race. Suspended in midair, he sensed the Object examining him. It searched his mind, trying to decide whether he was a suitable subject or not. The Object reached out, invisible tentacles of living energy surrounding the Doctor, merging its awareness with his own. The Doctor could almost see himself from a distance, all his actions over the course of his long life held up to the shattering light of day, tiny threads connecting events and people, the most ingenious tapestry ever conceived, made entirely of pure lifeforce. But none of it mattered to the Object. It had existed so much longer and was so much older than the insignificant being it now held in its grip.

He forced air into his lungs and expelled it again in the only words he knew right now.

'I'm the Doctor.'

He felt the Object's curiosity and confusion.

Why? it suddenly asked. Why is the Doctor alone? I can no longer sense the other Time Lords. I haven't for a long time. Have they gone away? Are they no longer willing to speak to me?

'The Time Lords aren't refusing to speak to you,' the Doctor said. 'They're all dead.'

Dead? I do not understand the meaning of that word.

'Even Time Lords are corporeal. After they expire, their consciousness can't exist outside of their bodies. The people below said that there is a child that can communicate with you.'

The Object was quiet for a moment and the Doctor sensed it spreading itself into the Rift, searching out Time itself, learning and seeing.

So many little ones, but none of them ever truly spoke to me. So many little lights extinguished, one after the other. I can see what they would have become.

'They died because others tried to hide a lie, one wrong covering another.'

But you know more than those who lied.

The Object began searching his memories, picking out sensations it had never experienced before, emotions that were alien to it. Regret, despair, agony—those it had felt countless times, but there were bright lines running through that it couldn't understand. There was a need to know more, an insatiable need to learn.

What is this 'love'?

~x~

When Rose regained consciousness, the world was dark. She could hear voices, but they were faint. There was something on her face, something scratchy and annoying. She forced herself to take slow, measured breaths to avoid a panic and she focused on the voices. There were at least two people nearby, their communication very perfunctory and she couldn't tell who they were. Rough hands lifted her up and she was sat down somewhere, on a chair perhaps. The hood was pulled away and Rose blinked against the light. There was someone standing in front of her and it took her a moment to recognise the woman.

'Nazerra? What the hell?'

The woman just stared at her, arms crossed over her chest. She looked older and not particularly well, her face and body thin. Her long dark curls had disappeared and changed into a short mess, almost a crew cut.

Nazerra's apathy suddenly dropped and her face contorted. 'How dare you!' Her voice trembled with rage. 'How dare you come back here after what you did!'

Rose held back her own anger. 'You've no idea. Now let me go!' She twisted in her chair, but the ropes around her wrists were too tight.

'You killed him!' Nazerra shouted. 'You killed my brother and everything went into darkness.' A twisted smile crept across her face.

'We didn't leave. We were trapped ourselves. By the time we found a way out, it was too late. Listen to me. The Doctor is in terrible danger. He's about to sacrifice himself to save this planet, to save all of you. If you don't release me, you're going to find out what hell is really like.'

Nazerra laughed. She simply laughed. Then the cold glare in her eyes returned. 'I have nothing but contempt for you and your lies.'

Rose nearly exploded. 'Haven't you listened to a word I've said? Release me now or the entire world is going to end!'

Nazerra smiled again and turned to fetch something off a nearby table. 'I don't actually care if you're telling the truth or not. I've waited for this for twelve long years.' She held up a device of sorts. 'I loved him, my brother. It was ever only him and me, since we were children. He was the smartest, most brutal man I've ever known. His strength was unrivalled, and you and the Doctor took him away from me. Now I'm going to take you away from the Doctor.'

Rose was forced to watch as Nazerra approached and leaned over her.

'You and the Doctor are lovers. Minkhebe told me this.' She clasped the device to Rose's temples. 'This is a modified device that we found inside the old Temple. It's actually some sort of lie detector, but in this case it will make you forget all about the Doctor, and everything else about your life. And after we're done, we'll drop you off in some alley and you can spend the rest of your days begging for scraps.'

No!'

Nazerra took a step back and smiled again as she switched on the device.

Rose felt a sharp ripple go through her head, and then she was somewhere else entirely. She could see the Doctor as he had almost reached his destination. She was then pulled back inside herself, her strength draining as the device began to suck her mind dry. She fought the crippling power, but it was too strong and it threatened to overwhelm her. Her mind buckled. Suddenly her entire body seemed to be made of light that reached inside. She could see her own heart beat inside her chest, her strength coming from another place entirely. She tapped into that strength and relied on it to keep her safe as the light enveloped her and protected her mind from being destroyed. But the device was powerful, and slowly, bit by bit, her mind began to crack.

~x~

The words echoed in the Doctor's mind.

What is this 'love'? Why would this living being choose to give up what it needs, in order to destroy himself?

The Doctor didn't answer, nearly overwhelmed by the Object's relentless inquisition. It tried to grasp what it couldn't understand, almost cruel in its carelessness. Suddenly the Object's attention was startled and it drew away to a safe distance to observe.

The Doctor squeezed his eyes shut as something seared through his mind, almost like a telepathic flare. It felt like Rose, but it couldn't be her. It simply couldn't be. Their bond had been destroyed. He didn't know why this was happening and the intensity of the connection frightened him. Something was wrong. The connection flared again and he cried out in horror as it exploded inside him, one voice crying out and reverberating through his body.

Bad Wolf.

He flailed around mindlessly, searching, trying to find a trace of her, but it was no use. The connection was gone.

~x~

Rose didn't feel anything. She didn't care about the people around her, if they lived or died, and she certainly didn't care for Nazerra. The woman stood staring like she had witnessed water actually catch fire.

'Your eyes…' she muttered, 'Your eyes, they glowed!' She dropped the device and ran.

Rose squeezed her eyes shut and breathed. Just breathe. Inside her, something was calling out. Her telepathic abilities may have been gone, but the Doctor was still alive. She knew it beyond a doubt, and she could still help him. If only she were able to get out of here.

Voices sounded from the other room. Nazerra was screaming at someone else. A door slammed, and the room went quiet again. Rose tried to work her hands free, but the ropes were still too tight. She pulled harder, the friction chafing and hurting her wrists. At last she managed to pull one hand free. She started working on the other hand as fast as she could. The rope gave way and she was able to free her feet as well. Just then footsteps sounded from the other room. Rose snatched the broken device from the floor and tiptoed towards the door where she pressed herself against the wall. The door opened and one of the group, a young man, entered. Rose lifted the device and grunted as she brought it down. The man yelped in pain as the metal hit the side of his head, not hard enough to kill, but enough to render him a harmless heap on the floor.

'Please don't hurt me,' he bleated. He held up his hands as a protective shield.

'Where has Nazerra gone?' Rose stamped her foot on the floor right next to his head.

'She didn't believe your story. We told her we weren't gonna kill anyone and she got angry, said she would do it herself.' He peered around his hands. 'Why is she so afraid of you?'

'Because I'm dangerous. What is she going to do?'

'Finish what she started. Kill someone named the Doctor.'

~x~

Within minutes, Rose had reached the House of Ceremony. She made her way down as fast as possible, all the while blocking out thoughts of being too late. Nazerra had to be there by now, but maybe, just maybe… She ran towards the chamber, not knowing what she would find. Finally she rounded the final corner, coming to an abrupt halt on the metal walkway.

The Doctor was there, at the centre of the chamber suspended high above the ground, his face contorted as tentacles of blue energy swirled around him. A thunderbolt ripped through the sky and the chamber filled up with smoke. Rose grabbed hold of the metal railing and crouched.

A black cloud surged through the chamber, merging, infiltrating and deadly.

The Shadow. It was back.

The Object still had him in its grip, but now the Doctor felt its horror and confusion as the Shadow attacked them both. It tried to find a way in, looking for any weaknesses, and the Doctor knew it would find one soon. The Shadow's black tentacles twisted around him, then squeezed and he felt like he was being ripped from his own body. When he opened his eyes again, he was looking down at himself, convulsing, dying.

The Shadow was trying to gain control over the Object, rerouting its power away from the Rift, the darkness merging with it. Until this point, the Object had no experience with evil. Now it was learning fast. The Doctor shifted back into his body, feeling the full force of the Shadow's attack. He wanted to ignore the pressure on his mind, the tearing sensation. He struggled, reaching for that last bit of strength that would be enough to break him free. He opened his eyes, willing himself to see, to make himself believe he was still alive.

~x~

Rose crouched on the walkway, her eyes fixed on the centre of the room. Even with the Shadow in her way, all she could see was the Doctor's shape, suspended in midair. He was moving. He was still alive.

Her hands gripped the cold steel of the rail and she looked around, forcing herself to think. There had to be a way to free him. If she could reach the terminal on the lower level, perhaps she would be able to shut down the Object. Movement on the other side of the walkway caught her eye. Nazerra. The two women stared at each other across the chamber. Nazerra's fierce expression made Rose grip the rail tighter. If she wanted to get to the Doctor, this woman wasn't going to let her. She knew very well that they were past the point of reason. Nazerra's eyes fell on the terminal. It took only a split second for Rose to calculate the distance. She was closer to the terminal.

She pushed away from the rail and began to run. She hadn't yet reached a quarter of the way there when she knew she'd made a mistake. Nazerra wasn't going for the terminal, instead taking the stairs to the lower level on the other side, which would bring her into the Doctor's view.

Rose felt her confusion mount when Nazerra's face began to change. The moment she reached the bottom of the stairs, Rose was staring at herself. Except for their clothing, Nazerra's form was identical to her own. There was no time to analyse the enemy's motives. All she knew was that Nazerra had to be stopped. Rose made to move to the other level, but the Shadow suddenly detached itself from the bulk of energy and surged her way.

~x~

Someone else had entered the chamber. Through his blurred vision, the Doctor could see a shape on the walkway. Rose. It was Rose. She was here. A rush of hope made him struggle harder, wanting to call out, to let her know he was still here. His joy turned to ice as the Shadow caught sight of her. It surged downward, knocking her to the floor in one big swoop.

The Doctor wanted to scream, but no sound came out. The Shadow surrounded her and lifted Rose up from the floor, almost as if to show the Doctor what it could do. Its evil radiated around it like a physical force. One horrific moment Rose was still suspended in the air, struggling wildly, her face wide with panic, and then there was a dull thud as her body hit the floor. Now, he could hear himself scream. Rose lay motionless, limbs contorted, her sightless eyes still open. The Doctor stopped struggling. The only thing he could do was stare. His mind was a blank. He didn't feel the Shadow returning, nor its renewed grip on him. His body tried to tell him that his regenerative energy was diminishing as the Shadow began to feast. Nothing of that would ever matter again.