She lay on her back, staring up at the stars above, happily lying on the rooftops once more. There she was free from it all – or almost all of it all, what with her soulmate's propensity for finding her. Elladan's glares and Elrohir's fearful stares couldn't find her there, nor did Glorfindel tell them of where to find her should they want to continue being angry at her or terrified of her respectively. He was rather disapproving of the twin sons of Lord Elrond right then and there, and Sakura knew the blame for those feelings could quite easily be lain at her feet. Your fault. It's all your fault. She turned her head then, staring over the rooftiles, not wanting to stare at the pretty, tantalising lights of the stars, loathing swirling in her gut for her own self. She wondered if she flew high enough in that unsightly form of hers whether she would be able to touch those silvery lights in the raiment of the night. They would be more likely to burn her though. Crafted by Varda's hand, and she was the least favourite of her once master. Turning elves against one another, that snide voice continued, not letting her thoughts stray from that thought of how Glorfindel seemed to be up in arms against his own kin thanks to her. The thought was a wretched one, and Sakura could only clench her fists, her knuckles turning bone white as she kept them like that, the bite of her nails into the soft skin of her palms punishing, and she relished in that thought. Punishment was that which she deserved after everything. And maybe redemption of some sorts could follow after whatever her punishment was to be. Her lip trembled at the thought, tears filling her eyes, and of course it had to be that moment Glorfindel came across her in all his golden glory.
"Lothien," his voice cut through the cool night air, and Sakura turned her head and stared at him. Her pink hair was splayed around her head and upon the tiles like a puddle of pink silk, and those acrid green eyes could only blink and stare at the figure who had joined her there upon the rooftops. Footsteps, soft and light, met her ears, and Sakura blinked languidly, noting he was on the roof with her, as he had been many a times before whenever he had caught her there. "There are balconies from which you can lie back and enjoy the view of the stars," he said matter-of-factly, lying down next to her at a far too close of a proximity. "They would also be much safer to lie upon, without worry of falling."
"I prefer the peace and quiet only available on the rooftops rather than risking the balconies," she said, sighing at the thought of the twins.
Glorfindel looked at her then, silvery grey eyes so very cutting as always. "Are the twins becoming that great of a nuisance?" he asked her, and Sakura stiffened at that, dread welling up within and she bit her lip to keep herself quiet for a few moments. That in itself was apparently enough of an answer, and her soulmate sighed and shook his head, taking those grey eyes off her to stare up at the stars instead. "I could have another word with them before…" he trailed off, and Sakura turned to him then as he sat up, something like a moment of realisation flashing across his face as he turned his stare back upon her once more. "I am due to head out on patrol once more tomorrow, and will be away for some days… Lothien, how would you feel about joining me?"
Sakura hummed under her breath at that, a war within at the thought of being in close proximity to her soulmate once more. She could protect him, she decided, and she could do it without cuddling up to him and trying to take more than the hatred and scorn she was owed. "Mn," she grunted. "I would like that," she continued, thinking of the joys of being away from Imladris and tricking its protections undoubtedly while patrolling the outskirts of them and whatnot. She looked down at her feet at that, fingers digging into the tiled tilted surface of the roof. "It would be a nice break," she said, thinking of the many days she had since been in Imladris for, living that slow life, avoiding Elrohir and Elladan in particular, and gazing up at the skies and stars and wondering when such a nice, peaceful life would come crashing down around her.
A smile pulled at his lips then, something in her twisting at that expression. Would you look at that, he's happy to have a dragon tagging along with him… the voice muttered, and Sakura's fingers only dug into the tiled surface beneath her that much harder, eyes widening at the distinctive sound of ceramics shattering. His head turned, eyes focusing on the tiles beneath her hands like lasers. Golden brows furrowed, and her heart thudded in her chest, feeling so very prominent and exceptionally loud at the silence which fell for a few split seconds.
"The roofs are not safe," Glorfindel remarked, standing then, careful to keep his balance even as he turned to give her a hand up. Not that she had necessarily needed it, what with having grown up twice before running atop of rooftops. But you would never deny yourself the chance to touch your beloved soulmate, would you? Sakura clenched her teeth. Greedy, greedy dragon. Breath left her in a long, low sigh, even as she was helped to her feet and all but dragged to the nearest, safest point from which to get back inside the main building.
"It was only that one part," she said, grateful he didn't suspect her of breaking those tiles with her inhuman strength.
Her soulmate sighed, cutting her yet another look with those grey eyes of his. "Should you have need of a quiet, high spot, then my rooms have an acceptable balcony. All you would need to do is find me," he said, and Sakura could only blink, some part of her feeling warm and fuzzy inside. Do you really deserve it? the voice asked, and the fuzzy warmth vanished as quickly as it had appeared at those whispered words which never faltered in their constant reality check. Sakura supposed she ought to be grateful for it as such, no matter how they chased away the happy, warm feelings, leaving her cold and miserable. No more than you deserve. Sakura could only nod at that, blinking and freezing up as a warm hand came down on her shoulder, stirring her from her thoughts. "Is there something in particular you like about high places? Or perhaps rooftops?" he asked, keeping pace with her as he steered her towards her rooms in that place.
Sakura looked up at that, pulling her gaze from where it had fallen to her feet. "I don't know," she mumbled, thinking then on why she loved high places so. Her feet brought her to a standstill, and she turned her head then, allowing her to look out of those glass-less windows with high arches and up into the night sky – where the moon hung heavy in the sky, radiating a silvery light so beautiful that Sakura thought it ought to have burnt her in its own special way, being what she was. Monster. "Perhaps…" she mused, lifting her hand to the skies then, as though she could grab a hold of them. The memories of flying in them were still there, still very prominent in her mind, ever a reminder of the being of ruin and demise that she was. "They remind me of better times," she said, lowering her arm back to her side, tearing her eyes away from her hand as she remembered the hand which had ultimately resulted in her winding up in those lands. The hatred and anger which had ultimately made her future into that of an unhappy one. But she had run once atop rooftops before that, happy free. Flying in that scaled form wasn't the same. It didn't give her that sense of freedom. Rather now that form only served to shackle her. She was never to forget it – she never would be able to free herself from what Melkor had made her. "Happier times," she mumbled, thinking of those whiskered cheeks and blue eyes – two sets. Ones which had stared at her, full of adoration, and ones which had watched with satisfaction as she was cut down. Her hands curled into fists, misery and despair clutching at her heart.
"With your soulmate…? Before he abandoned you?" Glorfindel murmured, eyes narrowed, face set into a frown before realisation flashed across his face, the words he said having seemingly just registered. Sakura tilted her head, feeling like a cavernous pit was opening up in her stomach, and she wondered how relaxed and free he had to feel around her to be able to say something like that. Part of her leapt in joy, but the majority of her felt terribly sick at the thought.
"Before I destroyed any chance of a future with him," she mumbled in response, turning then, having arrived at her rooms in that place. "I will see you tomorrow," she said decisively, knowing it was better to separate herself from him and sleep in preparation for leaving on patrol the next day. Clearing her head and getting her thoughts sorted as best she could was the best idea there was, and she couldn't do as such with the presence of her soulmate lingering beside her, taunting her with everything she would never have.
"Goodnight," he said, the almost whispered words feeling like a sucker punch to the gut – ever a reminder of how he didn't seem to know she was an evil dragon. Who would wish an evil dragon a good night, after all?
Sakura hummed in acknowledgement of those words, waving a hand over her shoulder, even as the door shut behind her with a quiet click, leaving her in the blissful silence and loneliness she knew she ought to have been more used to by such a point.
Morning dawned bright and early, and Sakura could only groan and squint against the light as she rode in an all too familiar place. How had she forgotten the fact that horses wanted nothing to do with her? By the time she was intimately reminded of such a fact, she had already agreed to go on patrol with her source of happiness and sunshine which really ought to have burnt her. And so there she was – on a horse once more, with her soulmate behind her, which brought out the love and hatred that loved to stir within her chest at the thought of him and everything they were supposed to mean to one another.
Eyes on her were all she could feel then, along with that intangible, inexplicable tug at her heart what with being close to him once more. Nothing else besides the bond of souls explained the warmth and insistent longing she felt for that which she could never have. Part of her wondered why she had willingly subscribed to such a hell. Her own gaze flickered over to the startled grey ones which stared at her as a rabbit would a fox, before sliding over to those grey eyes which glared at her with the ferocity and intensity of one of her kin. But an elf could never be compared to a dragon, part of her reminded herself, and Sakura settled her gaze back on the road ahead, ears straining, listening for any sound or sign of enemy and ambush, unlikely as they were during the day. Unless it was one of her kin. Night was preferred for all creatures of Melkor. The sun's light burnt them, unless they were scaled beasts who used the power of talon and flame. And even then, night was so very wonderful to hide within. While the daylight revealed all. Or it should have, but she had once been human, and perhaps that offered up some scant amount of protection. She wasn't human anymore. She rather wished she could be. Maybe then she could have been loved.
"My apologies," Glorfindel said then for what had to be the thousandth time as they continued on their way, ensuring the borders of Imladris were kept wonderfully dragon and orc free. Well, aside from the dragon in their midst here and now, the voice purred, and Sakura could only avert her gaze to the ground at that. Her stomach clenched, and she gritted her teeth together. "I did not know the twins would be coming, else I never would have suggested you come," he continued, and Sakura only huffed and looked up at him as best she could, her head brushing against those armoured plates as she looked at him the only way she really could without twisting her head from side to side. His smile was as kind as summer, and Sakura could only marvel at him for what had to be the millionth time. "Do you think you could find it within your heart to forgive me?"
"Always," she mumbled, meeting those silvery grey eyes which curved up happily as his smile widened. She didn't understand why her seeming forgiveness meant so much to him. But she would always forgive him, no matter what he did. He was perfect, his every action justified, unlike her and her own.
"Should they bother you at any point, then do inform me… and I will… deal with them," he informed her, and she could only hum and nod, content then to watch the scenery around them in case of ambush or other unsavoury things. Things which she would never permit to harm her precious soulmate.
"I will," she lied.
Glorfindel sighed behind her, soft, quiet, and interminably fond. Her traitorous heart pounded at the sound. "I will keep a close eye on them," he remarked, as though having seen through her lie. What with how she deserved their hatred and fear undoubtedly, not that he knew that much. "If only because I have the strangest of feelings you will otherwise remain quiet or seek to say that the pair of them hounding you does not bother you in the slightest when the opposite is truer."
"It is only Elladan who tends to hound me," she said, not refuting his statements. She could barely lie to his face in the first place. Her shoulders sunk at that thought. But are you not lying to him merely by presenting your existence to him in such a form? the voice asked.
"Then I shall keep him in check," he said, and Sakura nodded at that, knowing it was likely the best deal she would get from him in regards to her situation of hatred and misery she sorely deserved. It was nice. But it was also something which couldn't last, and yet there she was with her greedy heart, lapping up every little drop of affection she could scrounge out.
"Thank you," she mumbled, hating the fact that the once block of ice in her chest had undoubtedly been thawed or was at the very least well on its way to being thawed. And the inevitable reveal and rejection would only freeze it over once more. No less than she deserved though, really, or so she told herself as her gaze scanned over shrubbery and tree. "Though I doubt they'll do anything now," she added, knowing from the fact that Elladan's glare had recently been turned away from her and onto the forests surrounding them that they had been heard. But then again all of them there had very exceptional ears. Or at least Sakura could make hers that way with but an application of chakra.
"Indeed," her soulmate said, a chuckle rumbling through his chest even as they rode out on patrol.
Their conversation, should they have one, was hardly going to be private, and so Sakura felt happy enough to simply sit there rather than trying to hold a conversation with her beloved fated other half. Not that such a thing would ever happen, she reminded herself, heart as heavy as ever. You won't be loved, the voice added, cementing that fact back in her mind. She had learnt such a fact many a times over. After her first life, there was no more love to ever be directed her way. Not once they realised what kind of a creature she was. She couldn't forget such a fact. She wouldn't forget such a fact, no matter how it weighed upon her and made her heart ache. Irrational reactions, given what she was. Monster. Greedy dragon. Destroyer. Bringer of wrath and ruin. Those were only a few of the titles which described that which she had long since become.
"Why must you become lost in your own mind so very often?" Glorfindel asked, a touch on her shoulder releasing her from the demons of her past who had come to visit her then and there. "It matters less when within the bounds of Imladris, but beyond the safety of our home…"
Sakura gritted her teeth together, something greedy and possessive purring at the thought of their home. A home perhaps they might have been able to stay in together had she not been that which she was. "Sorry," she mumbled. He probably thought of her as dead weight, that which she had been to Team Seven so very long ago. Her heart pounded at that, misery and longing for days long behind her stirring and Sakura could only stare at the ground in shame before a question came to her. "How do you even know when I'm doing that?" she asked, looking back at him as best she could.
He smiled, something fond and something which made her heart beat a little faster. "The same way I manage to find you when you venture…" he trailed off, gaze flickering over to Elladan and Elrohir, evidently remembering whose company they were in. "When you venture off to your usual hiding places, I would wager," he said, amusement lining his voice as he spoke.
"I see," she murmured, musing then on the complexities of the red string of fate which seemingly bound the pair of them together. Though it wouldn't be a happy ending.