The Envelope 30

Author's Note: Thanks for reading! Please review. Anything in italics is a ghost conversation, a memory, a dream, or a proper title.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

"So, how's Agnes doing with Tom gone and you…back?" Don asked her as they drove to interview a suspect. She had only been back working with the task force after her time at the cabin for a few days.

"She's happy to see me," Liz said as she stared out her window.

"And how's she about Tom?" Don asked.

Liz sighed.

"I'm sorry, if you don't want to talk about…" Don started, worried it was too soon.

"No, it's not that," Liz said.

"Okay," Don said.

"She's not going to remember him," Liz said. "Which, from a psychological perspective is actually good. If he's absent from her memories, there is nothing to mourn. But…"

"But you want her to remember her dad," Don said.

He watched Liz's eyes shift toward him quickly and then back out the window.

"I want her to remember Tom," Liz said.

"Because you want her to love him as much as you do," Don said softly.

Anyone that didn't know them, would find the conversation strange, talking about her love for another man. But Don and she had not been together since she came back from being on the run with Reddington, then there was the coma, the time at the cabin…it had been a while. It hadn't changed the fact that he still loved her, and, in her own way, he knew she loved him, but he also knew Liz loved her dead husband and had a child with him. Nothing was black and white.

"Something like that," Liz hedged.

They drove in silence for a few blocks.

"What about you," she asked as she turned and faced him a little more. "We haven't really talked, you and me, since I came back, any girlfriend?"

Don chuckled. "You know me Keen, I'm a lone wolf."

She chuckled with him.

"Ressler, don't you want a family?" Liz asked.

Don's eyes shifted toward her and then back on the road.

"I thought I did," Don said honestly. "But maybe Audrey was right. My job isn't conducive to being a family man."

"Really?" Liz asked.

Don swallowed hard.

"Liz, I'm glad you kept Agnes and I've really gotten to know her while you were…well, you know," Don said. "But look at how many times you've had to get others to take her? It's not your fault, but this job, our lives because if this job, can be all-encompassing and I think I couldn't balance it well. I'd be divorced by the time the kid got out of pre-school."

She chuckled.

"I am better on my own," Don said. "I think I'd just mess up any kids I had."

"Ressler, you can't honestly think that. You'd be a great dad," Liz said.

"I think that ship has sailed Keen," Don said with a smile, trying to lighten the mood. "I don't want to be a geriatric father taking my kids to school in a walker, and I don't see anything about my job changing for another 10 years so…"

"I think you would be surprised," Liz said. "Promise me you won't…give up."

"Look at you getting all sentimental on me," Don smiled at her. "I get to be Uncle Don, and that's a good role for me."

Liz went quiet after that and he wondered what he'd said that was so wrong.

Don was pulled from his reverie by the father who had started him down memory lane.

"No, I cannot pick them up from dance," he said as he paced in front of Don who was sitting on a park bench. "You have Wednesdays because you asked for Wednesdays and every god damned week you want to move the dates. The judge said no more!"

Don got up from his park bench and looked at his phone. There were 17 unread texts and five phone calls in his voice mail. It was 1:30 and he needed to get back to court. Whether he wanted to or not, he needed to go back. He would rather sit on this park bench listening to that asshole father argue with his ex, but that was not going to happen.

He looked through the texts and was unsurprised by the people who were trying to see if he was okay. He walked up to a hotdog stand and grabbed a hotdog with no condiments, in case he slopped it down the front of him before going back to testify, and walked back to the courthouse. He had just finished his hot dog and was buying a coffee from the truck out front when an older woman came up behind him to order.

"The judge ripped him a new one," she said to Don.

He looked at her carefully and realized she was the court stenographer, recording the proceedings.

"Did he?" Don asked as he lifted the cup to his mouth and stood next to her while she ordered.

"Just so you are aware, he's being reported to the district regulatory law authority and has to apologize in open court to you when we start up again," she said.

"Really?" Don asked, surprised. He was sure the man was just going to be admonished privately.

"It was unethical what he did," the stenographer said as she took her tea from the vendor. "On the evidence record it was supposed to be a photo that was handed to you, the jurors, and the judge to pass around with a lot more of your partner covered. They did not cover what they were supposed to, enlarged it, and shared it in open court. That's a no-no."

Don nodded.

"I better get inside," she said before she left him.

Don took another drink of his coffee and walked toward the front doors of the courthouse and through the milieu of hungry reporters, offering nothing to them as he passed and entered the courtroom to take his seat on the stand again.

He'd spent over an hour in the park trying to stop the panic attack that came over him when he needed to get out of the courtroom. He hadn't had them often in his life, but when he did have them, they were overwhelming and fierce. When he finally stopped seeing stars, regulated his breathing, and didn't feel like he was going to throw up anymore, he sat down on a park bench and just calmly watched the world around him, bringing his pulse rate down, his sweating under control, and stopping his mind from swirling like a windstorm.

He knew the pictures would be used, him and her in the shower, him tying up her hair, him kissing her. The defence had them as evidence after all, they were, of course being used. What he didn't expect was for everyone to see them. His friends sitting in the gallery, the onlookers, the reporters…everyone. For a man that liked to keep things a little more private than others, hell, his co-workers had no idea he and Liz had been carrying on for years, it was a little daunting to have that image out there for all to see.

Don noticed that none of the lawyers were back yet, but he went up to the witness box and sat down anyways, he was going to be there all afternoon as it was.

They all walked in together and the prosecution made eye contact with him, but the defence did not. The judge sat and called to proceedings to order. When Don looked out at the gallery, he noticed that the reporters seemed to have doubled since before the break and he spotted his mother sitting with Aram. She wasn't supposed to be in town until tomorrow, but there she was. He smiled at her and Aram.

"Mr. Ressler, allow us to begin with a formal apology from the court for the embarrassment and grief we are sure the image caused you," the judge began. "This court will not stand for antics from anyone and, as such, has recommended Mr. Sommers to be investigated by the District of Columbia Legal Society for unethical behaviour. Mr. Sommers?"

The lawyer stood. "Mr. Ressler, I apologize for the undue duress I may have caused you."

Don nodded toward the man. He still wanted to wring his neck, but that was not going to happen in open court. He'd get Aram to send an inquiry to his friend in taxation and maybe an audit would be in order.

The female defence lawyer that had questioned him earlier rose and walked toward Don.

She handed him three laminated smaller images of him and Liz from the day Christopher was born. Liz was modestly covered with black bars across various areas of her body this time.

"Are these images of you and Ms. Keen from the day your son was born?"

"Yes," Don nodded as he looked down at them, noting the details that a photocopy didn't allow. He saw the jury and judge looking at similar laminated photographs out of the corner of his eye.

"And can you describe them for the court?"

"One is me tying her hair up, one is me holding Christopher and kissing her, and the last one is the one you showed to everyone, I'm not sure anyone needs that description," Don said, annoyed.

"And are they all examples of you caring for Ms. Keen during the birth of your son Christopher?" The woman asked. Don noticed her tone was softer now.

"Two are," Don said. "The shower and the hair."

"And the third?" She asked.

Don took a moment to really look at the picture. She was smiling as she kissed him, sweaty, with hair half out of her pony tail, and he was bare chested, with vernix and blood on him and Christopher was naked against his chest with a blanket falling off him. It was not a picture that anyone would say was beautiful, but it was so beautiful. She glowed. He glowed. It was a moment in time that he will never, ever forget.

"The third picture is pure joy," Don said as his eyes got a little watery and he wiped at them.

The lawyer questioning him seemed taken aback by the tough as nails FBI agent's very emotional response.

"Did you…did you ever doubt Dr. Koigal's abilities during the birth of your son?"

"I hadn't attended a birth before, so no, I thought she was doing everything she needed to do,' Don said. "I had no idea she was…"

"Thank you, Mr. Ressler," the lawyer interrupted him.

"…purposefully doing things to harm Liz." Don continued. "Cutting her insides…"

"Thank you, Mr. Ressler," the lawyer said loudly.

"Introducing an infection, and …" Don continued.

"Your honour, please control…" The lawyer started.

"Mr. Ressler, please…" The judge started.

"No, your honour, I'm sorry but I have sat here for hours answering all their questions, revealing private details about my life, having Liz's life and mine raked over…and I cannot continue to allow it. I am a hostile witness for the defence because she killed the woman I love, the mother of my children, and robbed all of us of a life with her. She was a perfectly healthy woman, she and I both had our faults in life and work, but neither of us was a doctor. Dr. Kiogal was, to our knowledge a licensed OBGYN with extensive birth experience. She was hiding her licensing issues, and we relied on her, as any couple would, to do the right things. She took our trust and manipulated a situation to harm Liz, did things to her that would ensure she died. She mutilated her without either of us knowing. She purposefully harmed Liz. Purposefully. It wasn't an accident. Liz died because of Maggie Koigal. And, by some miracle, after everything she did, my son was left unharmed. But what she did to Liz could have killed him as well. She did all of this. Maggie Koigal. Liz and I may not be perfect in this entire scenario, or our entire lives, but neither of us did something that would result in anything but a healthy mother and baby. It's all we asked from her. It's all we ever asked."

You could have heard a pin drop in the busy courtroom. Don hadn't realized that he had tears running down the side of his face until he stopped talking and felt a drop fall onto his pants. He quickly wiped at them and took a cleansing breath through his nose, this was not how he expected to be on the stand after being so strong against all of their earlier questions.

"Thank you Mr. Ressler," the judge said. "Recessed until tomorrow."

"Your honor," the female defence lawyer said.

"It's time to hear from the prosecution," the judge said. "You have been afforded enough latitude with this witness."

The judge rose and banged his gavel before we walked from the courtroom.

Don got up from the witness box and listened to the defence team argue about how unfair the judge had been. He walked past the prosecution who he knew wanted to speak with him, and toward his mother.

"Ma," he said as he hugged her.

"There was an issue with the tracks" she said. "I didn't get here until later."

"Thanks for coming," Don said as he pulled back. She wiped at his eyes and smiled at him. "I thought you were coming tomorrow."

"I changed my mind, changed my ticket and got here," she said. "I thought you might need some company."

"Thanks," Don said as he took her bag from her and threw it over his shoulder. "Thanks for today Aram."

"No problem," Aram smiled at him.

Don walked with his mother from the courtroom and shielded her from the press that wanted to hear from him, like they always did.

"Donny, I had no idea…" Greta said as she turned to look back at the press exiting the courthouse and standing filing news stories on the outside steps.

"It's okay ma," Don said as they crossed the street.

"Donny, none of this is okay," Greta said sadly.

To be continued…